 Gweithio yma, mae'n cei wedi gennu Mico Targar, fel yw'n gweithio eich moo, fel ydych chi wedi gwelwch ond ac yn gweithio. Mae'n gweld fel y gallwn arosio cazeth o'r trafyn yn drwy, y werthfyrdd brwy llawer o'r panfaianiaeth, mae'n gweld â'r berff gan mae'n gweithio. Mae yna'r gwaith i ymgyrchol Ffóa. mae genna'n gweithio fan byw'r yr brwysig, mae gweithio fel yw'n gweithio ar y bydd. Mae'r nhw'n gweithio ar y pŵs i Gwyrch. ond, ond yma, o'r ymddangodd rwy'n ei farchion. Ond dweud os yw'r holl yn gyd, ond efallai ei meantime o'r ysgriffa yw'r ymddangodd yma arall, Mae'r ysgriffa yn gweithio cael ei farchion ond yw'r hynny efo'r eich cydnog o'r fod yn i wedi, oedd ynddo i chi'n gwneud ddim yn dweud bod mae'r hyfforddi'r yn cael ei ddu a hynny efo y wneud i yw'r hyfforddi. Dyna'r ysgriffa yw rhywbeth ar ymddangodd. a dyna'r lleidio'r stori a'r rhaiwch. Mae'n ddiddordeb yn llunio'n gwybodaeth. Felly, mae'n gweithio yn rhan gyda'r Eistafol, ac mae'n gweithio'n cyfnodd. Gwyddo. Mae'r bwrdd erbyn y Gweithio Spanish. Mae'n gweithio i Franko. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n bwysig, gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio, ac mae'r pwysig, y ffwyaf seksial, rwy'n ddigon nhw. Mae'n ddigon nhw. Allyn nid o fath o fath o'ch dangos. Oh. Felly, mae'r bwrdd a'r sysgwyr wedi cael ei wneud. Felly, oherwydd rydyn ni wedi'i gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio, rydyn ni wedi cael ei wneud. Felly ydy'r un gweithio eich cerddur. Rydyn ni wedi'i gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r ddweud yn ddweud. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio, oherwydd rydyn ni wedi'i gweithio'r gweithio. Rydyn ni wedi ei ddweud. Rydyn ni wedi cael ei wneud, oherwydd yn 11 oed. But I came home from school and my brother and sister were no longer there. They had gone to another home. I learnt afterwards that the woods wanted to adopt me. But it didn't go ahead because I don't think I was deemed as adoptable. Did you ever try to tell anyone at that age four or five? I ran away. I think it was six years old. No, maybe younger. To Borenwood police station, middle of winter, in my underwear. And no shoes on because I've been told to get the wooden spoon. And they were going to give me a beating for lying. I ran to the police station. It was a day after I'd been sold to two or three people for an hour, 20 minutes, whatever, in London. And my backside was bleeding. I was sore and I ran to the police station. I just had a gut feeling at that age. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. And I ran to Borenwood police station, which for a youngster was quite a long run. And a milkman picked me up on, I think, and I might be wrong, Radlit Lane in Borenwood or Shenley Lane. I can't remember. And took me to the police station, wrapped me in his, he had a donkey jacket. He wrapped me in that because bear in mind I'm in a vest. A little pair of pants and nothing else. And I told the police officer on the desk that I was hurting. I'd run away because I was hurting. And like a bloody idiot, I gave him the name and address of where I lived. And of course they rang Bob and Ivy Woods who came down to Borenwood police station who were promptly told to take me home. I was in need of discipline. Now this came from a police officer and taken home I was and disciplined I was. But we had, we have it on record actually, that a welfare officer, I think her name's Wach came down to visit me at Borenwood unexpectedly because we were under an order where we couldn't or I couldn't be moved from the house without any reason without the written consent of the authority. Now that is documented. And she came down unexpectedly and I wasn't there. And Bob and Ivy Woods weren't there either. And when they asked the deputy house mother where I was and again it's documented she was told that I had been taken away for three days because I've been naughty when in actual facts I was taken away for a week to be naughty. I was taken to Eastbourne where I was brought and sold daily and nightly to many, many men. Now sometimes I'd get half a crown or two bob but they were being paid. I'm absolutely certain that once you have been sexually abused as a child you are tainted. And you might as well have it tattooed on your head. Take me because every fucking pedophile in London would know exactly who you are. There were rings going around all the time and it involved people in high places as well as low places. I used to see, they used to put us on the Meat Rack Boy hence the name of the book Meat on On. Put us on the Meat Rack in Piccadilly hence the name Meat Rack Boy. I wasn't the only one but let's get this right. There were hundreds of them. Kids were to a penny in London in the 50s. You know you could buy and sell a child, get rid of it and no one would know. And this went on, you know. But yeah my brother and sister, the part that I was just telling you when it came down. Although that's documented there is no record of it ever being investigated. Right and I have to ask why. But also I can show you two sets of files what Lambeth gave me called family files. Now, Brandi, do you mind? Now everything virtually pertaining to myself is redacted. Why? So you were getting abused, you were getting raped from your foster parents and they were selling you to get raped also. Because you were rebellious against that and you had so much hate and rage. When you went to the police station the police says it was just because you were rebellious you were making it up and they were sending you back to the house. How long did that go on from, your foster parents 11 months? Yeah. And where did you go after that? I was moved to All Saints convent in London Coney, run by nuns, sisters and a poor. And I will state here and now it was the only time in my childhood that I found love from people who were not wanting anything in return. The nuns were fantastic, absolutely fantastic. And the only thing that was wrong, my brother and sister were there. But they were in a different house to me. They were in St. Gabriel's, I was in St. Raphael's and the only time we met was church high days, midnight mass, etc. Because the two houses lived different lives apart from Sundays at chapel. But then I didn't really know him so what was there to talk about? You know, it was, but I went off the rails badly. I just, I couldn't hack people. It was always there and always has been up until I got this book out. What do they want? Why are they being nice? And I was stealing anything I could get my hands on. I would deliberately go out my way to hurt people both physically and mentally. I was just, I was a nightmare. And I went to the police three or four times in between jail spells. I went to the newspapers where a newspaper of a Red Sox told me that what I'd written was a load of old bollocks. I gave the first book I wrote. Well, I suppose it was the forerunner of the uncouth loud. Now, I was up before a judge at the Bailey and I thought, am I going to write my life and give it to him? Didn't trust Solicis. As I said, if you pay for justice, you'll get justice. If you can't afford it, you won't. Simple as that. You know, it's the luck of the gods. I wrote this book, 480 fucking pages of full-scap, my whole rotten life story. And he read it before I was weighed off and came back and he said, Mr Tarragory, I've read this missive. Every sympathy with what you have been through. But go to prison for three years. Take him down. Fucking take him down. I had to sit down. And I learned nobody was going to listen to you. And wrongly, I thought in my head, the only way is to be outrageous, do things. I went on hunger strikes in the jail, but I couldn't tell them why. Cos I wouldn't believe you. No, well, not just that. The shame of it. Did you start bottling it all up because you were ashamed and embarrassed that you thought you'd done something wrong? Not because I'd done something wrong. No, not you, but in your head. But because I hadn't stopped it. It leaves child abuse, sexual abuse. Leaves a horrible, horrible stench behind. It stinks, you know. And it's not the perpetrator of it who's tainted. It's the victim who's tainted. And more so, when you're being passed around, you know, every person, every male, whoever came near me, whether I'd be in a jail, whether it be screws, probation officers, solicitors. Always, always in the back of the head. Do they believe me for starters? And what do they want? Are they? Do they think I'm a puff? Yeah, they want to rape you. And it does. Of course, man, that sort of trauma, that sort of trauma, Michael. You carry out, I've read four marriages, right, because of this. A, because I didn't tell them. B, because I didn't know how to handle it. Trust issues. Yeah, big trust issues. And strangely enough, the only time where I could start to handle it is when I went cold turkey. I became a drug addict. What were you addicted to? Everything. Acid was the drug of my choice. Excuse me. That's okay. Where were we? Yeah, the trust issues for marriages. Big style. And addictions. I used to wonder if I was queer. Seriously, I know it's a horrible word to use, but don't like the word gay, because I can see nothing gay about puffery, right? I've got nothing to gain. I did it. I hated homosexuals. Hated them with a passion. If they came near me, they were going to receive violence. Big style. Not because I hated them for being homosexual. Because of the rape she would feel. But I hated what men had done to me. And what women as well. Are done to me. So was women sexual assaulting you as well? Yeah. I was filmed as a small child having to do things with my sister who was a year older than me. Neither of us knew not to clue what we were doing. I didn't know what a bloody freckle was. To me, a woman's genitals looked like a bloody rotten hedgehog. You know what I mean? I didn't have a clue. But there's an 8mm of film of my sister and I doing things. I know you says there that you were angry at yourself that you couldn't stop it, but when you're going through that trauma and those rapes and all that pressure, it starts to become a part of you, you become robotic. I found that I went about the whole issue in the beginning. In my mind, wrong. I've done it the wrong way, right? I should have killed them. It's easier said than done when they were called. When I had the opportunities, I should have killed them. Did that go through your mind? When it was grown up, it went through my mind. Years it went through my mind to find these people. How long did you ever out them while they were alive? Or when they were still alive, did you think? I used to go searching. I went to see, became a seaman, a fisherman. I used to go searching. I'd knock on people's doors to find these people. The plan was to kill them. So, when you got older, if you had seen your abusers then, you would have killed them if you had seen them? Yes. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. The anger, it wasn't just anger, it was rage. Absolute rage. This went on for years. Anybody who came near me, including those I married, were rejected. I was ashamed to say that. I put no effort into the marriages at all. It was kind of trying to get a mask of reality. Because up until, I don't know, 40, 50, my life was a kaleidoscope. I'd been taking drugs since the 60s. To block out the pain? Every drug to block out bloody life. I used to go to sea for long stretches at a time. And months, come back and go on the piss and stay totally drunk for a week after six, seven, eight months at sea. Did you ever think about taking your own life? I attempted it many, many times. The times I've walked to the arse end of a boat that I've been on and thought, shall I, in the middle of the night? No one's going to fucking know. And for hours, I'm gone. And being a bit of a coward, it worried me that the water would be cold. I wouldn't say you would've covered me if I would see you or anything, but... It was to block life out. The life I was living wasn't a good life. I had money in my pocket and I didn't have any friends because I wasn't going to allow anyone to get close to me. Is that in case they abused you? Not abused me physically, but mentally. I was paranoid, very paranoid, but that was the drugs. So I'll move in a minute. We'll have to stop filming. That's okay. At least he uses the pads, but he's only a part. It was frightening, but what I was becoming, I neglected my own son completely, just fucked off. I went to the foreign legion. You know, I had a bit of fun there, twice. You know, I used to get bored very, very bored very quickly and it got to the state where I had nothing. I was rock bottom. I was full of chemicals, full of anger, hatred, absolutely despised myself, and I was a full-blown drug addict, homeless. And at that stage, I'd had a bad accident at sea where I'd lost my spleen, smashed all my ribs up, smashed this lung up, and had the onset of what they thought was cancer. So I was a mess. But I came up to Blackpool overnight on a coach. This is March, February 2008, January, yeah, January, end of January, beginning of February. And I went to the homeless project run by the Sally Arlie in Blackpool. I'd never, ever been so low. I thought I could cope with anything. I was a roughy, toughy foreign legioner, cope with anything. But I couldn't cope with the loneliness anymore and the anger and trying to scrabble about and keep getting the drugs that were becoming a bit of a chore. And they put me in touch with a woman called Debbie Ashley. Debbie Ellis, Debbie Ellis, who was the manager for the hospital charity, the Ashley Foundation, who gave me a room and I had shelter. And I decided after a while I fucked about with them, give them a dog's life. They'd been kind so they were going to get paid in kind, you know what I mean? And I decided I didn't want to do drugs anymore. Just one day I didn't fuck this. And I went cold turkey for two weeks, locked myself in a room. And just with bundles of black coffee and bundles of tobacco, lots of tobacco. No weed, no fuck all. And I locked myself into a room for a CD of letter coin on loop and just went cold turkey. And I would not recommend it to anyone. God almighty. What drugs were you coming off then? Heroin, cocaine, acid, methadone. They just lit up the board when they drunk test. The nightmares must have been fucking horrific. Oh, for two weeks I only came out to get coffee. Didn't eat, couldn't eat. What were you then, Mico? Must have been thinner. Ten stone. And when I came through it, I couldn't handle it. My temper was very, very quick. I threatened to cut a member of staff's throat over three pilchards. And I won't go into it, what happened. But I got nutted off, right, the shrink factory, where the first person I spoke to was Georgie, my Georgie. You're no partner over 12 years? Yeah, who was, is, completely mad. Is that how it works? We're on a level of madness. We're on a level of madness that suits the pair of us. And I can't speak for Georgie, but with her I'm as happy as Larry. No drugs, apart from weed. But I see weed as medicinal. And morphine is medical. That's given to me medically. And then I wrote the book. I thought I've got to get my story out. So I wrote the uncouth lout. The successful failure. Wonderful, wonderful title. The life of an uncouth lout. And I wrote that as a statement and paid Frick got it out. Only 500 coffees. But which, if Rosie Waterhouse sees this, it wasn't published. It was printed by me and handed out. She says it was published. But Rosie Woodhouse isn't ours. I don't know time for her. And the rest is kind of history. I hate people, thousands upon thousands of emails, messages going, oh you're brave to do this. You're an inspiration. You're speaking for us. Now my fucking hands. Not at all. I'm not brave. I'm a gutless fucker who should have fought this years ago. The proper way. I'm not an inspiration to anyone. I wouldn't want anyone to aspire to be me. You know what I mean? I'm an arse, an idiot. Yeah, I think you're too hard on yourself, Michael, because the abuse you went through me, people would close off and know what to speak about it. By you speaking about it, it brings other people forward. Because I know you went up against, as at Lambeth Council, and you received a cheque, compensation. But now they're saying, they never gave you money. They gave me Shirley Oak's children's home, of which I was in. Lambeth admitted that abuse went on in that home. None of their homes. But before they became Lambeth as a borough, it was LCC, London County Council, as everything was. And then in 1965, the boroughs are all split up to become what they are now, Wandsworth, Lambeth, Battersea. Now none of them, not one of them, will accept responsibility for my care. Yet Lambeth supplied me the records. They say they're family files, and I'm only in them because my twin brother and sister is in them, right? Because they cared for my twin brother and sister. Now I looked hard. We were taken into care legally in 1952. All three of us, the siblings, together under the same care order, under the 1948 Children's Act. Now there is no provision anywhere under that act. In fact it was expressly forbidden for siblings unless in exceptional circumstances to be split up. And you could not transfer care from one authority to another. You could put children from Lambeth into a home run by Wandsworth, but you couldn't hand the care over to Wandsworth. The care was the responsibility of Lambeth, right? Because they hold the care order. Now they say this is not true, but nobody is saying who holds the care order or held it. Nobody is telling me where you can get it from either. Lambeth, continuously I can show email after email from these arses to go to the LMA, the London Metropolitan Archives, to hold the records of all children in care in England and Wales. Yet it doesn't, because when you get your records it's a series of numbers. It's a card index. And they give you a rough translation. But the one they gave me, the dates don't add up. Yet it's supposed to be a true record. The dates don't add up. They have me at eight years old in Holly's Children's Home, or, no, I can't remember the exact age of my head is on the record, travelling from Sidcup in Kent by public transport to London Coney, near St Albans, around a trip of 90 miles on my own. Now this is a child that the authority states at eight years old, a shrink has said this, is sexually active and is maladjusted. Now I would love to have an answer to this. Who in their right senses sends a child who in their own words is sexually active and maladjusted on a trip from Kent into London on his jacks, from London to St Albans, St Albans to London Coney to go to school. What sort of fucking time must he have left in the morning to go to school? Because bear in mind, you didn't have the transport system that you have now, and it shows that this is all nonsense or doctored. So they're trying to cover everything up that people were abused in their care? Oh yeah, absolutely. What is your abuse stop, Meiko? Fourteen. Fourteen. When I came out here? Your book, Meat Rat Boy, everybody's speaking about it to now. It's a heartbreaking read. It's not all heartbreaking, there are some views. Yeah, of course. But for people looking at it and reading the abuse kind of claims, obviously with the Ted Heath thing as well, the former Prime Minister, how did that story come about? Right, listen. Ted Heath was of no consequence to me. Absolutely none whatsoever. He was one of thousands, right? There was no sexual penetration. It happened. I was seeking out this, again, shows where the authorities lie until lies. I'm under the care of the courts. The authorities have me under their care under a court order. So in legal speak, they are acting as my parents, yeah? We agree with that, yeah? They state that at the school that I'm talking about where this incident happened, that I was on home leave, again the question has to be asked where was home because there ain't no record of it. And bearing in mind that they were my legal guardians, I stayed at the school during the home leave, right? I'd go to Shirley Oakes or the Hollies, play up, they couldn't handle me. I'd go back to the school and finish all that is there. A guy called Max Sharman, who was the Deputy Headmaster, said, did I want to go sailing? Yes. I was the only boy there. Nothing else to do. It's either that or do fucking chores, gardening, which I didn't want to do. So we went to a place called Pin Mill, which was then a little yachty haven, nothing. There were no gin pallies or they were sailing boats, probably up to 30, 35 foot at the most. And we went sailing. There was four of us. Me, Ted Heath, I didn't know who he was, the doctor from the school and the fucking Deputy Headmaster. And I was told to go nude swimming, which I did. Ted Heath dried me. Give me a blowjob, played me with Willie, had me do kiss him. Well, he was kissing more than blowing me gone on his swimming. And got me to do the same to him. And that was the extent of it. I got half a crown and a fag. That was the extent of it. And it didn't open, didn't happen in the open. We went in the cabin on this thing, just a single cabin. It's so bad though. Of course it's bad, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't have said no, although you'd think at 13, 14 years old, you know. But if you haven't got anybody to back your corner, who the hell do you tell? See at that time, Michael, see because you've been through all that much with the rapes and the abuse, was that becoming the kind of the norm that it was actually becoming normal that adults were treating you like that? For me, we were pieces of meat, hence the name, the meat rack. And how did it come about that you wanted to eat the meat rack? I wrote the uncouth out and I paid for it. I paid for it to be printed and I gave it away for donations. And just to see what people's reactions were. Be nervous about reading it? Not about writing it, but giving it away. Giving it to people to read. I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. And after I'd done it and given it away, and it went very, very quickly and we raised 600 quid for a charity with it costs six grand to do it, but it was never, ever about money. Sorry, I think it's good to touch on the fact that all proceeds from the meat rack boys goes to help victims who have gone through the same abuse. Every penny. I do not see one bean of it. And I paid my own expenses. I just went and done the justice speech to the GMB Northwest Justice Conference and I paid myself. I asked for nothing, I don't want nothing. I see bottling up over the years Mako and now obviously with the book coming out and everybody wanting interviews, how do you feel now speaking about it more? Does it bring back a lot of memories and heart and pain or you kind of just accepting it to try and move on? Not really serious and idle if that's what you're thinking. Obviously in a good place now you've got your message. Have a look. Have a look. This isn't a palace. The flat I rent. We've been here 11 years. We've got it how we want it. Everything in it belongs to us. Nothing's brand new, but I don't want brand new. You know, Georgie and I, 12 years, we have never, ever had an argument over anything. We're both laid back. You know, arguing, fighting, takes energy. I haven't got any energy now. Left. You know, if I had energy I'd still be DJing and I'd rather useless it. I was useless. I was the worst DJ ever but I had the most fun. I had the best of equipment, believe me, thousands, thousands of pounds spent on it. Never charged because if I charged people could complain. If they ain't paying, they got no right of complaining. Simple as that. I played what I wanted. I'm a 60s, 70s music man. I'm none of this fucking crap rapping. I'm an old school person. That's why I speak the way I do because I'm not going to Panda to anybody's wishes with the way I live my life, when I speak. I had enough in my childhood and my teenage years of being bullied and messed about. It's never going to happen again. Now I've found my place. God, I'm the happiest I've ever been. It don't worry me one little bit that people call me a liar although nobody has. I'm not from Rosie Wadhouse. Bless her a little heart who I would really, really like to meet. That's the guy I got on Twitter that she spoke about earlier. I'd really like to meet her and sit down with her and just ask her where she gets her information from and why she hasn't come and spoken to me. I'd like someone from Lambeth Council to explain to me why they refuse to talk to me properly. Why they gave me a lot of bullshit they told me to appeal but what they didn't tell me was the judges in their bloody rotten pockets being paid by them. So you're never going to win it. So I'll go back to the book again. Meiko, when you started writing it how were you feeling then to bring back a lot of emotion for you or did you know what you were doing now that at times I cried. I still cry. I'm up at two o'clock in the morning every day I can't sleep I sit in there in the lounge and of course my mind wonders and I wonder whether I've done the right thing whether by doing this my heart says yes you've got to get it out if they want to talk to people if they want to interview you then you know depending what kind of ass they are whether you do it or not you know if they're serious they're going to take me serious then yes but if they're going to rip the piss then they ain't going to happen it's as simple as that and it's never ever been about money lost for money when Shirley Oakes brought the compensation scheme out I thought right I was there so I'm entitled to it and yet they try to deny that you know and the book I really wanted it to be a way of shame and lamble into a response but they haven't and it's been out since January I think and how has the response been from the people since the book been released? I had to sit down when it first came out I had to sit down and go is this really happening because I just could not believe the power of Facebook because we advertised it a friend of mine took pictures of the first book and we advertised on Facebook amongst friends I've had it's in the libraries in Australia in Queen hun I think it could possibly be going into the libraries here available on order if people want to order it I'd like it to be turned into a documentary because it's okay doing this but if people don't see you who you are and then I don't think they quite get the gist of it you can listen to a radio show or a football match and it's totally different to the football match you're watching at the same time on the telly you know and I don't honestly think people were really interested in what went on in the 50s and 60s you know it's an old era where a dying breed as the police said to me there is no case because all the perpetrators are dead my answer there is no case because you didn't fucking listen when I went to you as a child on numerous occasions you didn't listen when I went to you in London and said look this is what happened you know and when I went to you people I was a mess I understand that but even messes hurt if you keep a belongs long enough it will go fucking moldy if an abused person holds it in long enough it will go fucking crackers I did I wanted to kill I did go crackers and through it all I lost everything but also on the other hand I've got everything I've got comfortable home I've got a cracking messes an absolute my love of my life my soul, my rock you know backs me all the way and if it took 60 years of misery to get there I got it I got what I wanted because this is all I ever wanted home and family peace, happiness a fucking dog I've had the days I've had Rolls Royces they were stolen I've had Bentley that was legal I've been around the world I've lived the high life I'm still there what was your life like in your teenage early 20s Meiko I became a fisherman a deep water fisherman for your 20s, 30s yeah and I went in for a spell got married a couple of times used to get tax rebates in them days and I just went on I was wild I was not a nice person you wouldn't have wanted to know me and you certainly wouldn't have spoken to me 13 years ago you wouldn't be saying now so when did you go to counciller and did you go to nothing no what happened when you were in the loony bin I'm at Georgia did you get any therapy or anything no shit loads of drugs I just fill you with drugs but then there was more drugs coming through the windows illegal drugs coming through the windows and the staff were dishing you out but you were just kept down counciller, nothing you just left your own device so going forward for yourself with the book being released now what's the plans for you for the future probably a fitting with the undertaker in the not too long distance future but Georgia and I have no plans day by day we take she's ill, she's not well and we don't want to go on holiday it doesn't appeal to that you know the days of I did crave fame and glory of course you do and I could see Keith Richards playing the older me in a film a Niggy Poff or Johnny Depp playing the younger versions of me the lunatics you know I dreamt of that and I fantasise about it but at the end of the day all I want is for people to read the story you can get it for fuck all on Kindle you can read it for nothing you can download it for 4 quid I don't have any money out of it I don't get nothing out of it I don't want nothing out of it but go well did this happen now whether they believe it or whether they don't they'll certainly take fucking notice they'll stick in their minds you know and if they go well maybe this did happen he's come out of it and maybe from the way I describe how my behaviour went if they see a youngster going exactly the same way or going wild for no reason you can bet your life there is some kind of abuse going on somewhere for people watching us or being abused or maybe too scared to speak out what advice would you give them talk about it talk to someone because if you don't it'll kill you inside it'll kill you outside it'll take over your life right to the extent where you will take your own life yeah so moving forward with the book obviously it's out now what do you want to happen now with the release with the release a documentary film to put the book into a film maybe a documentary I think it's something that if a documentary is made I think this has to be it should be shown to parents groups to schools you know not as a a titillate entail of sex and drugs and fucking rock and roll but as a serious serious look at how the abuse that was going on in the 40s, the 50s, the 60s when there were no police to police it because the police were part of it to how it's going on today when all the safeguards are in place and also for people I can spot an abused child of my life I've only got to look him and I will know there is something wrong I wouldn't be able to say that kid's being sexually abused or physically abused but just by talking to a child I will know because I've been there what's the telltale scenes sullenness anger depression tiredness a dullness in the eyes the life's gone you can see it there's no spark there you know and you withdraw and if you withdraw from something you're fighting against believe you me it's like football if it's defence pull back the attack or go right on them and invariably score you know and you can put that to abuse lives and it's people have got to understand that for everyone like this Nick who has come out with all his stories of boys seeing boys being killed blah blah blah for every one of them there's not and who have been abused and the damage I think that there's Nick well maybe not so much Nick you know because who knows what went on you know would you really make that kind of shit up I don't know as much as you've seen other kids getting raped did you ever see any serious about it really big beatings close to death nothing like that and I never saw another child being penetrated did you not I saw children boys on men's knees and being cuddled but these people aren't going to do things in front of people of a goodness sake they'll do it in front of their own but they're not going to do it get three or four kids together and do it I think it's a massive talking point in the UK now not a lot of people want to talk about a lot of people are scared they're a subject but it goes on everywhere do you think it's a mass cover up from the higher powers and people who have got a lot of power I'm astonished actually I don't speak for any other survivors group I don't know anything about them I don't know what went on a beach home you know or would veil or the quarries I haven't got a clue because I wasn't there I can only say what went on in my life my time in the kids homes and in every single home that they put me in bar one the convent I was sexually abused and bought and sold and it was almost they expect you they know you're coming of course they know you're coming and they know why you're there why you've been moved you know and it was almost a way of feeding the tiger you know if you want to feed tigers right feed them and they'll follow you it's as simple as that and they were doing the same with kids you know only it wasn't the days oh come and look at the puffies we rabbits we didn't have a choice we had no one to turn to just no parents coming to visit me in a kids home or asking why I've got a black eye yeah sort of could cover that up Will who was going to care about us nobody nobody would come and see us we had no visors no letters so we were fodder fodder to the cannon do you think it's as bad still to this day Michael it's kind of different now isn't it it's different it's it's gone so politically correct that you can't say anything about it anymore because you get the nutters launch in and give you bundles of ag you know if you look at the history of the pedophile exchange I'm pie have a look who's involved fuck's sake you got MPs involved there alright I'm not saying they were abusing children but when you got MPs involved in the pedophile information exchange what chance is anybody gone we haven't got any chance Michael for your story today and coming on and telling it brother I really appreciate it your book Meet Rack Boys is out you can get it in Kindle, Amazon also so for people to check it out and listen mate I know what you're doing I think it's phenomenal to speak out of really doing it and I know you don't think it but you are an inspiration yeah yeah do you know what you are mate and for people who's going through that and can help life and can help people coming forward so for me that is an inspiration it's good to see you happy it's good to see you've got your cats your dogs you're at the sea front and it's good that you're enjoying your years but would you like to finish up with anything Michael no thank you for coming up it was totally unexpected I was just giving a message yesterday you know I just hope that people who watch this or listen to it because I don't know how these things work right understand that you can come through this yeah you can get to it's taken me 64 years but was it worth it yeah yeah telling the story monastery wise fuck you know it's costly getting it out there but I don't regret one minute telling my story I really wish that I'd done it earlier I really wish that at the time you know 10 years ago 11 but I'd gone oh fuck it I'm going to make some money out of this because I think I would have probably made a few quid but I don't think it would have been as straight as it is I would have lied yeah and I would have lied I know that I'd have made all sorts of accusations against people and I named them but I would have dropped bloody big hints as to who they were but I can't see any points in that you know I'm not going to come out and say Cliff Richard Tom me because I can't stand bloody Cliff Richard and he'd be the last person I'd allowed to Tom me but my sense of humor I can laugh about it now I can look back and I can laugh about it and I wasn't able to do that a couple of years ago and I can talk about it there is no shame the sadness for sure to to the people if they're alive die hurt along the way I can only say look I'm sorry but the guy at the taragu hurt you robbed you, stole from you isn't the taragu you see today you know I'm a sick old man I don't want to be fighting anymore I want to be relaxed and getting it out and doing something like this now I don't know you might just fucking spin this and go what a load of old bollocks you know that he's spoken he doesn't come across well at all I don't care you've been it I couldn't give a toss I'll not be happening I'm not saying you are but this is the attitude I have now the fucking attitude because it's out nobody the response the support has been phenomenal and was it worth telling my story yeah I think it was excellent the response is only going to get bigger 64 year it says it took a hurt and pain and misery the fact that you've still got a smile in your face brother and the fact that you're still happy now that you're happy says a lot about you brother and listen I wish you all the best and thank you for coming up yeah not a problem god bless thank you