 What a fucking crock of shit. You know what guys need to read? You know, guys need to be fucking reading these days. Why didn't your last relationship work out? Why didn't your last relationship work out? Now, here's what you want to pay attention to. All right, let's get started into those seven questions to ask a guy before become exclusive. And really quickly, this is your warning. This video is only for people who are looking for a serious, fully committed partnership type of relationship. If you're seeking casual, this isn't casual relationship. This video isn't for you. All right, so really quickly, before I jump into this, I want to share with you a conversation I was having with someone this morning about arranged marriages, arranged marriages. And she was asking me, why do you think arranged marriages are so successful, or at least have been perceived as being successful? And I've heard, in some cases, they're not. And yet in many cases, they seem to be more successful. So I thought, what was the reason for this? And it seems to me in the countries that do have arranged marriages, a couple of things are occurring. First off, usually both families know each other, to some degree, they know each other. There's a sense of familiarity. Most likely, they come from relatively the same communities. So they have a support system around them. That's just to name two. Number three, and this was the one that really was the one I was leaning on, is they were both basically, they had to wait till sex to have marriage or excuse me, have marriage before sex. So they were fully committed with each other when they began their relationship. I'm going to repeat that they were fully committed to each other when they began their relationship. And today, we are in a situation of dating where it's so casual. There's so many hookups. There's these starts and stops. There's all these situations of boasting. There's situationships. There's friends with benefits. And I believe here in the United States in particular, we are seeing now the emotional effects, the emotional effects of this repetitive dating process that quite frankly didn't exist 10 years ago the way it is today. And I'd say even the last five years, because of swipe dating, I think swipe applications has literally bastardized the getting to know you process. But let me come back to those arranged marriages because I said something. Their families knew each other. And most likely their friends knew each other. There was a level of accountability in their relationship that doesn't exist in today's relationships. I'm going to repeat that level of accountability. You know the reason why it's so easy to go someone? There's nobody to give you shit for it. Literally, these days, we are meeting total strangers in the dating process. We're meeting total strangers. So what happens is if you decide never to call someone back, who's going to give you a shit for it? Who's going to get on your case? Not your family, not your friends, nobody's getting because listen, all of you know, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date, I'd have the shotgun ready and pointed at the guys facing. What are your intentions with my little sister? There's a level of intentionality that used to be in the dating process that doesn't exist anymore. There's literally, it's such an ambiguous process. And most dating advice is stuck on all these bullshit rules and bullshit rhetoric that makes it even more, it makes it increasingly harder for you to actually connect with a human being at a heart-centered level. I'm going to talk about that in a moment. But I want to lean into the seven questions you should ask them because I'm a big believer now in approaching relationships from a monogamous exclusive perspective. I'm going to repeat that, a monogamous exclusive perspective. What I mean to say is if you're going to just think about the arranged marriage, one of the things I said was they were already in a committed relationship. Now I'm not suggesting that you become in a fully committed relationship with the person you meet on a first, second or third date. No, I'm not suggesting the one bit. What I am suggesting though is maybe a commitment to the process of getting to know one another, a commitment to the process of getting to know one another. Given that it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to reach the first layer of trust, the first layer of trust, why not go in it without the gender role expectations? And by the way, if you're not familiar with the book, if the Buddha dated, I highly recommend reading this book. It throws out all the gender roles expectations and say, how can we get to know each other at a heart-centered level? How can we get to know each other at a level of more intentionality, of co-creativeness? That's my invitation for everyone because as I said earlier, we're meeting total strangers. When we know nothing about a person, it's so easy for them to actually hurt us because they're already gone. Or worse, they can deceive us because we, by the way, think of the people that don't even have a social media footprint, let alone the people that vomit all their shit on social media. By the way, if you're not familiar with the book by Malcolm Gladwell talking to strangers, I highly recommend checking out this book. By the way, most all the books I recommend are in the link below under Jonathan recommends books in the description. Folks, what you need to know about the people you don't know, this cavalier dating process all centered around sex and romance is setting you up for failure. In fact, I think casual sex now is the primary reason why we have a dysfunctional dating process today. I want you to think about this. Roughly, for hundreds of thousands of years, women used to pay a price for casual sex, and that was in the form of a baby. What I mean by pay a price is if you have sex with somebody you're not mated with, you're literally, you may have a baby that you have to take care of yourself. It wasn't until the birth control pill that everything changed for women. And by the way, I'm not I'm not here to criticize. I'm not at four or against the birth control pill. What I am saying is because of the birth control pill, we now have casual sex, which means casual relationships, which means hookup relationships. And I just started reading a book you may want to check out called The Evolution of Desire. I just started reading this, The Strategies of Human Mating by David Buss, and even as a chapter on casual sex. And one was the interesting thing about this chapter, I'll just show you really quickly, is they went on a camp, a college campus in Florida and asked 100 women, would you have, you know, would you have sex with a guy on a first meeting? And they said, no, they asked 100 men, would you have sex with a woman on a first meeting? And 75 of them said yes. We are literally in a problem. I mean, what's, what can we glean from that? It's already what we already know. Men hyper focus on sex. This is why I've said this before and I'll say it again. Men are the gas, women are the brakes. And ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina, you may want to read the book eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. Because look, again, I told you this video is for those who are seeking a serious relationship and partnership and not something casual, because it's incumbent upon you to now do what's known as hardballing, hardballing. This is my recommendation for you take it for what it worth. This may sound pure, it's an advice, but this is in your favor because of birth control. It's made it so easy for men to have casual sex without, by the way, without any repercussions because there isn't a nine month delivery charged later, that means you have to take care of maybe a baby and the other person. And I think it's really important understand this. Again, if you want casual sex, knock yourself out. I'm okay with that. I'm just here speaking to those that are looking for something more. So let's talk about those seven questions to ask them before you get exclusive bump, bump, bump. All right. By the way, as the folks is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know by posting a comment saying this is resonating with you so far. So these are for both men and women to ask. This isn't singular for women men. Listen, ladies, what you ask the men, you should be asking yourself or at least volunteering the information yourself as well. And the first one is going to be a doozy. It's going to be a doozy. And this is for those who are seeking an exclusive monogamous relationship. And number one is, do you have my back? Do you have my back? What this is demonstrating is does this person care about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings? This is all about trust. And trust isn't about fidelity. Trusting is, well, this person actually care about my feelings because I don't have my tribe anymore. I don't have my village. I don't have my town protecting me. I only have myself. I'm speaking as you ladies. Again, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there. So think about this. It's not can you trust this person is asking the man, do you have my back? Now let me tell you something. Ladies for the men who are casual, they will run away like a sprinter in an Olympic race. Okay. Do you have my back? No matter what? Now again, this is this guys will say this before sex. They'll make all the promises in the world. We know this. We know this is called love bombing. We know this is called coming on strong. This is why the process needs to inviting everyone to slow down the process and take the romance piece out and actually get to know each other at a friendship level. This is why it's about not the man leading or the woman leading. This is why it's taking it as a two lane street. And if you ask him the question, you have my back no matter what a sincere, genuine guy will pause. And you know what? He may answer, I don't know yet. And that's okay. That's at least an honest answer. If the guy jumps in and says, yes, really quickly before you've had sex, that's a warning sign. Because how can you have someone's back that you barely know? Keep in mind, everybody is a stranger. And number two, the second question. Why didn't your last relationship work out? Why didn't your last relationship work out? Now here's what you want to pay attention to. Listen for anger, resentment, judgment, criticism or throwing their previous partner under the bus. Believe me, you ladies do this habitually. I can't tell you, I'm just giving you the narrative of what I hear as a man out there. Every woman has dated 10 narcissists. I mean, how the fuck is that possible? When actual narcissistic personality disorder is only about 2% of the population, but every man woman has dated a narcissist. Look at every human being is selfish. Listen, men are selfish because you offer up sex so freely and easily. I said this in my weekend video, literally online dating has replaced the ability need to go to a prostitute because all we have to do is just pretend we want a relationship with you. We can just pretend it and you'll just cough it up. I'm sorry, I'm getting off track on what the question was, so I apologize. But noodle on that one for a second. That kind of is a stink. If they complain about their past relationship, that's a person who hasn't healed. And that's a person that has is most likely emotionally stunted to actually be in a relationship. It takes healing. It takes closure and the ability to move on and say, you know what, no matter what happened, listen, we both had our differences and we moved on and you don't need to get into the particulars. But boy, if you or they are throwing their partner into the bus and ladies, you've been with men. And by the way, you listen to men throwing their partner into the bus and you go, I'll be his hero or heroin, I should say, big, big, big mistake. Don't do that. All right. Number three, how much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? How much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? This is all about emotional responsibility. And by the way, transparency means if it's material to the relationship, if it's material to the relationship, how transparent do you want to be? How many, how much of my feelings do you want to hear? Ask these questions. Ask these deeper questions instead of, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm really looking forward to hearing about your day, the from Kramer from Seinfeld. Ladies, you guys spend more time talking on text messaging about how your day is instead of the real deep stuff needed. God, I'm yelling. I get wound up, folks. Let me tone it down a little bit. I get wound up. Again, that wound up because I hear over and over again, the disappointment many of you feel, and I'm thinking to myself, there's a hole in the sidewalk. You see it there and you fall in and then you blame him for it. Listen, if you ever want to have a chance at a healthy, happy relationship, you have to take ownership of your life because you can't count on a man to do that for you. You have to be in charge of your relationship destiny. But Jonathan, all I'm supposed to do is sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead and claim me. Really? Is this working? If this is working, if you sit back in your feminine energy and let the guy claim you, then why are women so fucking miserable? Unless you want to be a submissive, if you want to be a submissive partner, knock yourself out. You're not my type of clientele. I want to work with those women who are looking to co-create a relationship. I forgot to bring out my book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. This will change your life. How much transparency do you feel you need in the relationship? Great question to ask. Number four, what do you consider cheating? Now, you think about this question, but when a man says this out loud, it's harder for him to do it. What I mean is when a person actually defines what's cheating to them, makes it very hard for them to cheat on you. In other words, do you think cheating is, um, we're in a relationship together. We're fully exclusive. And if you sleep with another person, is that cheating? You ask him that. By the way, if he says no, it makes, by the way, men do have a default morality with them. Most guys, not all guys, but most guys have a default morality. They will, if you, if they have now said sleeping with someone else while being exclusive and monogamous with you is cheating, then they're more likely to break up with you before they sleep with someone. I'm not saying they will. I'm saying more likely. Okay. Men can have a default, a default morality with them. Not all, but many, most. Okay. And so you want to get a, and by the way, think of all these questions for yourself as well. Okay. Number five, what if any personal development, self-help therapy, or spiritual work have you done? And are you currently doing? What if any personal development, self-help, spiritual work, or therapy have you done or you currently don't doing? First off, everyone, if you haven't purchased my book, what the heck is self-love anyway, it's a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. And it's an ongoing process. People that do some level of personal development, self-help, spiritual work, introspective work on a regular basis tend to be better partners. They tend to want to work on a relationship together. If somebody is at least some therapy, and by the way, going to a marriage counselor once or twice is not therapy. I'm talking about healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. If you're not familiar with the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing wounds. And I highly recommend you doing the work because then you'll know what to look for within a guy. This book is got a plethora of so much individual growth for yourself. You'll be able to recognize the men who have done the work. Because the sixth follow-up question is, are you open to relationship counseling if needed? By the way, a guy, I mean, he'll hear this and go, we don't need relationship counseling. We have the love of a lifetime. We have a love that's going to survive. You don't need to listen to Jonathan Asley's advice because we are so magically in love with each other that this is going to transcend all other relationships. What a fucking crock of shit. You know what guys need to read? You know, guys need to be fucking reading these days. They need to be reading how to be an adult in relationship because you guys, listen, ladies, I'm talking to the men right now, men, women purchase these books nine to 10 fold greater than you. You guys aren't doing much fucking work whatsoever. You're reading pickup artists shit, and you're taking advantage of women. And it's time to fucking stop that shit. It's time to be a grown up. It's time to be an adult in relationship. And you men, I'm talking to you guys out there that complain about my work because it's now you're, you think I'm calling you out on all your shit because you've been playing games so fucking long. It's time to fucking grow up and be an adult in relationship. And ladies, you can't count on the men doing that for you. You've got to be the breaks. You've got to be the breaks for yourself because let me tell you something. All of the dating right now is wearing on everyone emotionally. Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so it's incumbent upon you to take care to be in charge of your relationship destiny. You can't count on the guys. And if you're not following the advice on this video or purchasing these books or at least purchase eight dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, you only have yourself to blame after watching this video because you can't blame it on the guys anymore. No, ladies, those of you follow my work. You've been listening to me enough now. You know the game plan here. And I'll talk about in a moment what's the real problem with dating in a second, but we're going to talk about this seventh and last piece or question to ask. How can I trust you? How can I trust you? Folks, I just talked about trust in the first one and we want to follow up with this. How can I trust you? Because this trust isn't about fidelity. Trust is about, does your actions match your words? Do you have victim consciousness or victim consciousness or victim consciousness? Do you know how to fight there? Do you have empathy? Not just for me, but for everyone and yourself. And are you transparent? These are the signs of an emotionally mature person. And if you ask a guy, how can I trust you? Listen to his answer. Because I don't even, I'll be candid with you. This is a tough one. How can you demonstrate trust? Well, I've called you on time every single time I've called you. Okay. Well, that's at least a start. Okay. But before your dick goes inside my vagina, I need to have a level of trust. Otherwise, you ain't going to get the cookies. And I'm here. I'm being Steve Harvey, Puritan 90 days or whatever. I'm saying invest at least 100 hours of face to face time to the people that haven't done this amount of work. If you're dating a man who's done this much work, he's showing up as a grownup. It's going to be relatively easy for you. Won't even have to listen to my videos anymore. But ladies, it's time to hardball. I call it radical honesty. This is what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link below to get a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So seven questions to ask them before becoming exclusive. Do you have my back? No matter what, why did your last relationship or marriage not work out? I forgot to mention marriage. How much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? What do you consider cheating? What if any personal development, self-help therapy, or spiritual work have you done or currently doing? Are you open to relationship counseling if needed? And lastly, how can I trust you? Yeah, how can I trust you? You see, you can't count on men. Most men are good guys. They're just bad daters. And yeah, there are some really genuinely sincere, emotionally grown up men, small percentage. Most everyone else you got to weed out. And by the way, you ladies are no fucking picnic either. Let me just tell you something. Your men and women are equally dysfunctional. You equally have bad relationship skills. Thankfully, those of you following my channel are doing more work than most, but I'm going to tell you something. You're no picnic either. And I say this as a single man out there. Because you know what the problem with dating is today? I put together a list. I want you to lean into what I'm about to share here. I want to lean into what I'm about to share here today. The problems with dating, mating, or relating today, unintentional or ambivalent with effort, equally men and women, unintentional, ambivalent with the effort they put in. Number two, overvaluing one's ability to attract what they desire. Many of you are overvaluing your ability to attract what you desire. Noodle on that for a second. Number three, lack of good relationship skills. Many of you, and by the way, I'm talking equally men and women here. Terrible relationship skills. Emotionally unhealthy people seeking connection. Oh my god, that's a recipe for disaster. All of the emotionally unhealthy people seeking connection. Not to mention the selfish people or the predatory people out there. Yes. Undervaluing sex. I just spent the last 10 minutes talking about how many of you undervalue sex. And I said earlier, meeting strangers and then sex and romance before trust and commitment. And the paradox of choice. We think we have all these choices because of these devices. These aren't choices. These are just faces on a screen. And then, of course, sifting through too many people causes burnout. And too many short-lived connections can create emotional discord for oneself. And let me, I have two more. Unresolved or unhealed past relationships or ongoing discourse with a past relationship or family members, including children. These are all the problems with dating, mating relating. So what's the solution? The solution is develop a relationship with yourself. That's the most important thing. Heal your childhood wounds and traumas. Learn better communication skills. Resolve your past relationships. Do the opposite of everything I said. Be intentional in the process instead of being ambivalent. I look at you ladies, dating profiles, and I want to vomit at how terrible of effort you put in there. And men are just, I was just looking at men, the fish and everything is equally bad. Most of you, you only have yourselves to blame or at least take ownership of. I know you don't like hearing this. I think you just like to hear, it's just all peaches and creams and rosy flowers and everything. No. It's time to wake up. And there's only one solution here. Find that beautiful relationship within yourself. Find that beautiful space within yourself that you find your happiness and you've done the healing. You've done the work. And when you've done the healing and done the work, then put out that magnetic call for someone who meets you where you're at. Because when you meet someone who meets you where you're at, the process is going to be so much easier than this dysfunctional way, this current dysfunctional way of dating, mating and relating. And I'm here to call the bullshit on what's going on out there. And I want to wake you all up to recognizing that you are in charge of your destiny and nobody else. You're in charge of your relationship destiny. So take charge of your life, be in your sovereignty, your self worth, your self esteem, your self confidence, your self reliance, love on yourself. Because when you genuinely do the inner work, you become a magnetic attractor for those who are either going to help you with a lesson, which really fucking sucks. But also guess what? You might be in that 20% category that actually is blessed enough to find a good solid relationship. And then of that 20%, 20% of those have a juicy, delicious relationship. Most human beings are in very dysfunctional relationships. And again, if you enter in dysfunctionally, garbage in garbage out. All right, that's my two cents. I might have ruffled some feathers today. Did this make sense? Did this resonate with you this entire narrative I went off today? I hope it did post a comment. All right. Also, if you find value in this, please check out the links to a free discovery call my group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis for just a few dollars a month. Also, check out my podcast, the What Would Love Do podcast, check me out on Instagram. And you can also get a free gift at my website. And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot at the merit of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Leanna and Linda and Mary Ann.