 Got this letter on the talks with Tony. I got I got a talks with Tony it uploading right now But um, I got to leave in about an hour hour and a half for me But I got this letter on talks with Tony and I say, you know what? I've been trying to get a video up by noon, but I'd be I'd be sleeping in and you know, that's acting a fool So I say let me pop on here and just go live for the people on a lunch break while people on a lunch break People get a lunch break round this time. So, you know 12 o'clock, so I'm gonna try to see here and make sure I got my Then I got my volume on over here. What this is at least one minute Videos needed to start a highlight. Okay, you can save a highlight Um Let me see here So I got two talks with Tony that's in a video Well, really it's just one and it's real light. It's on about 20 minutes But I want to come on here and film this one still happen to film it separately and then upload it So I'm just shooting it as a live. So y'all just understand. It's not a Q&A and Just here to talk about it. So got this great question from somebody Said hi Tony. I pray this email finds you well Would you be able to make a video on society praising slash promoting childbirths out of wedlock? Particularly seen among the black couples in the celebrity world I won't include the name of this most recent celebrity couple to keep things anonymous Although most people will most likely know without exact identification But a well-known light-skinned black woman and her dark-skinned rapper boyfriend recently went public about their pregnancy And it seems that there is both praise and backlash over it From what is being said online? It pertains to colorism as well it being out of wedlock I read that the baby daddy has shared some colorist opinions in the past about black women Do you happen to have you any words of wisdom advice or just overall thoughts regarding the way in which these praised Circumstances continue to affect the continuous struggling state of unity and wholeness in the black community Are there things we as black women should look out for in dating related to being overlooked or Used for such motives Thank you for showing up every day on YouTube to teach us you are forever appreciated best PS including a link to another content creators video responding to the imagery of the recent pregnancy announcement and The couple's public appearance in their relationship if you'd like to watch later when you have time Okay, so I see the couple not I always get this young man here confused Because they kind of and I heard I've seen videos of them being confused by paparazzi So the woman is Rihanna, I know the woman Rihanna Not y'all know I say I don't say names, but I say certain names. I say a list I Reach names a lot of times when I'm not saying names It's cuz I know the people or they know me or they follow me or it's accessible And I just try not to be but not Rihanna know who I am too But not on that level like I've never talked to her or nothing like that But I went on Oprah when I went on Oprah It was in light of Chris Brown and Rihanna the show Oprah did Was in light of Chris Brown and Rihanna when I told my story what me and my girlfriend went through in college on College dorm night and I had to explain it until you know It wasn't like their situation like police and black eyes and all of that But it was just talking about toxic relationships where young people go too far And so I know she watched it and then when we was coming up when on on social media I think because of that and because of that being Me telling my story of an incident I went through in college Rihanna would always post the quotes of another Another relationship guy which he was smaller his brand was smaller than mine So it let me know she was intentionally Not posted mine because mine was just as viral as his this was in Twitter days And so I know she know of my brand and then I met Chris Brown in person at a boxing match and told him that that was me on Oprah telling my story and It although it was completely different I still understood the mindset and now but the guy that this right here is oh ASAP Rocky I'll about say Travis Scott cuz I and so that's what you have to realize is For one is when you look at celebrities we can't compare celebrities to our everyday life because celebrities transcend color so When you as when you When your brand is just the size of Rihanna brand you could be purple You could be see through and a man gonna want to be with you because you're billionaire You're billionaire now Rihanna is you know a pretty woman But to each their own is beauty is in the eye of the beholder now this gentleman based on what he said in the past you got to realize that Let me pull up a picture of the young man cuz I can't really Picture What you have to realize is that we all know that Blacks are Made to hate ourselves based on the color of our skin So he would be labeled although he's brown skin just for the sake of terms in our world He would be labeled dark skin The other thing is when you look at somebody you cannot you always have to rewind their face You can't just look at somebody for who they are with money and fame So he looked very average and normal with money and fame Like it's a difference. Like when you look at Michael B. Jordan Because of the roles that Michael B. Jordan has played He's had to get into a type of shape to where Michael B. Jordan got an eight pack of albs, you know He got just he real built up cuz he do Cree. He's doing boxing movies so Michael B. Jordan in eighth grade probably Was a whole lot of head and a little bit of body probably had a big head on a little body and probably he could have had a little You know stocky to him or he could have played football or something like that Lot of time actors didn't play sports, but when you look at This hill guy here ace out rocky He looked normal still today Meaning he didn't have like no glow up the only thing that changed with him is his money Like he didn't go get super fit and start taking pictures with his shirt off and then you know, even with his hairstyle You know, he kind of let his hair go. He had braids now. You got the little plaques but he kind of looked like you know the male version of the Women off the color purple and I don't say that in a derogatory way, but y'all know the movie color purple that Oprah was in and I think the one the lady who had who was shaving the man who was shaving with that Samuel Jackson. I Can't remember who that was in the color purple and she was shaving them. I Can't remember if she cut him or not But ace out rocky look like her son You know cuz cuz that hairstyle he wear. Oh, that was Danny Glover and so You have to realize his look is associated More so and it's not me being derogatory or anything like that. I'm just literally spelling this out for you his look is associated with the traditional black look black American look so his look is associated with slavery If it's not associated with biracial or anything like that So his look growing up would be the typical look with That the world will try to make you hate your skin and hate the skin you in So he most likely did not look Into the mirror and say I love myself So if he said some colorist things in the past That would not be surprising Because that is a thing is so many black men So many black men hate the skin That they're in and they choose a light skin woman because she liked skin and they choose a light skin woman and For me my wife is light, but that was not a preference of mine I didn't choose her because she liked skin And I y'all who on my channel you hear this story all the time. I just was looking for a one-night stand I just I did and I thought she was a Puerto Rican and wanted to sleep with me a Puerto Rican and turn kind of find out she do making but Indian Jamaican and black Jamaican and She was a wife kind of fine. She's a wife I'm thinking I'm just gonna talk this person try to get my little wound bound Thank you ma'am and move on with my life and then like whoa, this a wife But I didn't pick her because of her complexion. I do remember a homeboy telling me when I got was you know got my brand going and I kind of Talking on relationship so many people start to come to me a lot of pro athletes a lot of celebrities and so I got thrust into like matchmaking and When I got thrust into matchmaking I remember talking to my homeboy and he was like man, she got to be red She got to be a red bone and I was like man. I was like, well, bro Why she got to be red when you ain't When you ain't red And your mama ain't red No, but she got to be red though because Because I want to have her real how She got to have black hair. She got to have long handle and she got to be red And I'm he was like she got to be like exotic and I was like Okay So it was kind of Confusing to me and then I started to see that and I started to see men had these Preferences like these certain preferences that they had and then when you when you will see it you will see Like if you see a biracial kid Who black and white in a lot of cases when you look at the biracial then let's use celebrities for an example When you look at biracial pro athletes, they why for their girlfriend is white And then it also comes down to the relatability It also comes down to the relatability. So when you look at somebody like a ASAP Rocky, I Don't know any of his music. I just know that he got a huge fan base and he probably iconic in their eyes but I Don't think he made street music like I Listed when I'm studying rap. I listen more so to street music I don't think he makes street music. So like yester. I was listening to NBA young boy And I mean all he doing is Killing people in his music. I was like my I Were falling asleep and I was listening to it cuz somebody mentioned something about a song where he was dissing a bunch of people So I was listening to it and I studied rap. I don't listen to rap for enjoyment I studied to have my finger on the pulse of the culture and That thing woke me up about my sleep. I could mean I normally I could have be listening something fall on the sleep That man took so many lives and a few songs. I listened to I said my I woke up in a cold sweat But this is a ASAP Rocky. I think he more so relate to a White male than a black male. I Think he more so is his fan base probably got a lot of probably about black people in it but the black people in his fan base probably completely different than NBA young boy or Maybe even a little dirt Because so cuz I don't know his music. So that let me know he's making global music He he's making music from somewhere else. So he probably Just don't relate to it the same type of you know Relation and that's what you have to realize too when you see this the thing about it is that's different though is this is Rihanna and She a light-skinned black woman But she's not it's totally different when it's a white woman When a black man chooses a white woman and it's not organic he choosing a white woman out of Relatability or He has a preference and he says oh white women treat me better black men will say that but They are two black people and here's the thing is Their colorism is a very real thing but in Order to beat it in order to overcome it you have to within yourself you got to have Consolation within yourself you have to change your mindset you can't take what you hear sometimes and what you see and Internalize that so you literally have to tell yourself and I saw a lady leave a comment And she says she has always benefited from pretty privilege and she says she dark skin She say her daddy dark skin or her mama dark skin She said her momma told her you beautiful dress the nice gave her a lot of compliments Gave her confidence and she says she has always benefited from pretty privilege as a dark skin woman And she said it's about your attitude. And so here's the thing that I'm noticing is As dark skin people Which me I look at color more literal so I don't call myself dark skin Because I just say I'm a black person because I look at it more literal like light brown Medium dark, you know, I look at more literal, but we will be considered dark skin I got light shining in my face So it made me look lighter than I am just cuz how the light probably ain't got a set right But I'm probably a little dark in real life and so when you look at this thing we and we accept this and we Attempt we internalize it and when we internalize it we take and we start to Project and now we go into the world and we start to look at things like okay hmm This right here Is not I'm not accepted. I'm not being appreciated and Now when you walk around and you tell yourself So if you walking around telling yourself I'm dark skin. I'm dark skin nobody's gonna these guys not gonna like me these guys not gonna like me Because I'm gonna tell you the men who have a skin color preference That's not a man that you want So you really shouldn't even process Those men and what you see and promote it because the men who have a skin color preference Versus meeting a woman that he's attracted to and getting to know her for her and falling in love with her then You have to understand you don't want a man who that who's that shallow who's that superficial because that man also Is gonna probably be a controlling or a toxic or an abusive man Because if he's that particular about a certain skin color preference That has nothing especially if it's a skin color preference that is the opposite of him or different from him Now when you have a skin color preference to preserve your lineage to preserve your culture to preserve your race that is Self-love that's a pride within who you are when you have a skin color preference That is the opposite of you then that comes from self-hate That doesn't come from self-love So I'm not mad at a white man who wants his white daughter to be with a white man I'm not mad at that because he wants their Culture or whatever they lineage to their their foundation their belief system. He wants them to be I'm not mad at a Puerto Rican man who want his daughter to be with a Puerto Rican I'm not mad at a as a black man I want my black sons to be with a black woman and the reason being is because it's history and its lineage So if my black son get with a white woman When they when we got to talk about great-grandfathers now they my grandson and granddaughters They're gonna be looking at my grand at my daddy and my granddaddy and What they was and then they're gonna look at They mama if they mama white her great-granddaddy's Was in the clan Was it was slave masters? So that's that's just a awkward conversation like yeah, so And y'all know me if I'm talking to my son. I'm talking to my grandkids. Y'all know me. I'll be like, well, yes Oh Yes, yeah, yeah, so your daddy so your mama great-granddaddy was in this thing called They call a couple of plan and Then on over here on my side. We was like so Essentially from what I found your great-great-granddaddy hung my great-great-granddaddy. So Yeah So can you imagine how torn that child is? so now that child so torn and confused and that's honestly what pushed me to black women because When we was coming up in this very real conversation a lot of people don't want to have this conversation now But I'm the one that got a happy conversation When I was probably my cousin five years older than me my cousin I told you about who used to brush his teeth with water He had a perfect smile He had a perfect smile never had braces and this guy smiles perfect. So he used to brush his teeth with water He didn't use toothpaste And so I start brushing my teeth with water walking around here stank breathed it and so my cousin He started dating white girls and I said I was I was so he probably was 10th or 11th grade Could have been 12th and I'm five grades under him. So If I was in sixth grade or whatever I said Why you date white girls? He said you'll understand one day you too young you understand Because he was talking white girl. I say what in the world going on. So where I so when I got to high school I Know a white girl sent her little sister up to me after the game. We played against her high school I had 25 on uh, uh, uh, I gave him 25. So she sent her sister up to me and Said hey my sister would like to talk to you and she's over there and it was a white girl with curly hair and She had a derriere on because she played volleyball and so I Said okay, it's a different kind of white girl. She's not look like no normal white girl But she wasn't your typical blonde hair blue-eyed You know type of white girl. She had she wore her curly and she had a booty on her like a black girl and so She was not really desired by white guys because white guys at that time. They didn't like no bubble But they ain't like no apple bottom They like that they women with a straight back with a long back with a cry candy And so I'm guessing they was thinking about I don't know what it was I'm guessing they was thinking about after the woman had kids when we get married. She gonna fill out White guys like today women to have not much booty. And so and this was the conversation we would have as men and So I started talking to her and there was nothing I'm in 10th grade I wasn't thinking much of it But then I had a little homeboy our point guard because we was at a private school Because I had to go to private school because I went to jail in ninth grade for stealing So my mom and dad sent me to the private school with all white kids because I was at school with black kids And so and we had white kids and Mexican kids too And we would have like race race wars at the school It would be there would be the black guys versus white guys get into a fight We had Ku Klux Klan come to my middle school. So I'm from Polk County, Florida. So it was it was racial lines and the black guys that would talk to white women the white women all of the white women that Would that would talk to a black guy was white women that white men did not like and There was white women that black guys didn't necessarily like them but The economic differences between the races the white girls had cars The white girls had allowance the white girls had money Black girls didn't have allowance black girls didn't have money because we was economically different So the white girls lived in the lake lived around the lake in our city and In our little town we had a little lake or pond or what it there was a lake the white girls live around the lake the black girls lived in the hood in apartments and And if it wasn't in the hood, then it was in another like a little bitty house. So we didn't come from a lot of Money so what happened was black guys started dealing with white girls, but to use the white girls and It wasn't a colorism thing. It was more so like a At that time it was like this way I could get a fresh starter jacket because because white girl Her parents gave her money to buy stuff. So she buy your starter jacket And it was some black girls that if their parents was doing good, they could afford some more But it was so few that it was it wasn't enough to go around So men being capitalist men trying to climb a little ladder. So I started talking to the white girl and Still to this day, I have never seen I don't know White people is trained how to date From a young age still to this day. I've never received a gift like that ever again And this was 2000 this was 1990 this was 2000 in year 2000 The young lady got a treasure box And she got a bunch of little items Little knickknacks from like the arts and craft store and with each item She tied a little string to it and wrote had a little tag on it and she wrote Had wrote the memory that it come from So it's a little Little thing of a soda little thing of a burger little thing of a this and that and it had a memory And it was a treasure box full of little items that represent a memory And then the other thing was a was a board and it was a collage of every single picture She had taken from her little Little cameras that they used to have that you wind up I'd never ever since then receive in my life gifts like that And so you have to realize when you What's happening is and this is what my mama started telling me she says son And it's a tough conversation. Now we have she says son. My mama likes skin. She's she rihanna color And I don't know if she got something, you know, and I don't think she mixed I just think she likes getting black woman She says son white women have everything And then they come to get our best men So at that time I was number five in the county in scorn in basketball And then I had a white girlfriend and my mama told me that she said White women don't want you until you somebody Whereas when you was nobody basically she was saying you had black girlfriends Now you in the newspaper every day for your sports Now all of a sudden white girls want to talk to you and now all of a sudden Their dad is okay with them going to home coming with you because you the star athlete In basketball and football And this was just an unfortunate truth Now me coming from where I come from My family was real Like I don't know the word country Rough around the edges And so it was completely different So I did not relate to white girls And then I had a young our point guard. He was in the sixth grade he He wrote up his dad was white. His mom was black But again, here's the thing and this was when you study relationships, you're gonna realize this his daddy was white But his daddy played sports his whole life. So his daddy grew up around all black guys So his daddy talked like black men His daddy sounded like a black man And so and the twang is different in a black man and a white man in certain cases because sometimes it's the same but in certain the the the general difference is The reason why they say you talk white And the reason why they say you the blackest white you the whitest black boy I ever met That's what my son told me one of his white teammates told him Tony You're the whitest black kid I ever met I say son, don't you ever let somebody say that to you again And I say the next time somebody say that you tell I say you read him his right. I say you tell him So what do you mean? You have all black people in a box and if a black person talks Proper and says their words correctly that that makes them a white person And I say son you read him because that was a racist comment And he said it because my son speak very proper My son is a straight a student. He the only boy with straight a's no a minuses And he very articulate he the star on the soccer team He start as a freshman on the varsity soccer team But he also in the tech club that just received the grant from mit if y'all know what mit is And is it massachusetts institute of technology? And they got to fly up there and present their invention that they creating And so my son like that Ball lot in his sports But then show out in the classroom and he told the white boy off because the white boy like you are the whitest black kid I ever seen because he's saying basically the white boy was saying this ain't what black people do Black guys don't talk like you black guys not as smart as you black guys don't get this thing So he got his stereotype based on what he have seen majority, but he go to a predominantly white school So of course he gonna see that And so what you have to realize when I heard My little homeboy who was in sixth grade? He was our starting point guard. His dad was a white guy But his daddy taught like in voice sound like the black guys His mom was a black woman But she was raised around white people So the daddy Said all my homeboys black. I'm attracted to black women So he went and got him a black woman, but he got a black woman that was more assimilated with the white race And so This was my little homeboy. So he he was biracial So he wrote an essay in sixth grade. He was in sixth grade. I was in tenth grade He wrote an essay An essay was called Oreo And he said and he could he knew the term orio because that's what he had been called And he said in this letter. I'd never forget it because he he handed to me. He said read this tell me what you think of it And we were walking the basketball practice and I read it. I about started crying he said I love my mom And I love my dad But my mom is black and my dad is white So when I'm with black people, I don't feel black enough And when I'm with white people, I don't feel white enough So I don't really fit in I'm what you would call an orio And this kid was not like he wasn't like super smart like he was a average level of Intelligence but this thing was articulated in such a way It like took my breath away. So I had a white girlfriend at the time I called her and it was because she was at a different school So going to my school, I couldn't there was no black girls at my school It was a private school because again, I was recruited to play basketball at that school And so it was all white school and there was no black girls at the school and You couldn't I couldn't date a white girl at my school because it really was against The it was like an unwritten law So the girl I was dating she was at another school in another city, but they was in our district. We played against them I called her later that day and I said, hey, I'm not going to be able to do this I said, I'm not going to be able to date, you know, a white woman And she was like why she thought boohoo crying and all that she went to cry All that right there. I say listen Quentin just read me his letter And he said he felt like a Oreo He said you feel like a Oreo. He said he's not white enough for the whites He's not black enough for the blacks. I says no way I could put my child through that I said I cannot have my child that confused And now this year 2000 we're in 2022 so it could be a little different. I don't know And so I said, you know what? So she didn't like that now So she wanted to keep talking to me and so she kept talking to me She had a car so Me I'm like a Brampton Popeye So so at at camp she would bring me Lunch she would make lunch at home. I'm talking about the best sandwich And so literally what I want y'all to understand is that especially in the young ages Sometimes it ain't about colorism A lot of times it is sometimes it ain't about colorism. Sometimes it's about economic advancement It's about somebody trying to climb a social ladder It's about somebody trying to get into a circle because they thinking about money or they think about what they could get out of it and so At this time when I'm in the 10th grade. I think the young lady was in 11th grade No black girl. I knew had a car No black girl. I knew had a car But the white girls had cars because they family of course y'all know white people typically Are in a better financial situation than black people and then the white people that was with the black people They talk like the black people they act like the black people they date black people and then the black people that have moved up To the suburbs with the white people they talked like the white people and they dated white people their kids did if they could And when you y'all know the segregation how it is Oh, you talk white or you act white or you or you act ghetto if they talking to her and so I asked the white guy In school. I said, um, I said, hey, how do y'all feel about I asked the white guy I say, how do y'all feel about and this my homeboy? We real close. We've been the partners to to this day You know, we did seven figure business deals. He's a white guy, but he always gonna shoot it to me straight And I said, hey, how do y'all feel about white women who date black guys? He said we don't feel about them. We don't consider them white. He said, that's what you call white trash I fell off my chair That's what the white guy told me now. This is what the white guy said. I ain't making it up And then when but when I started to look at it I started to notice that majority of the white women That was dating black men. They were actually not pretty They were actually not attractive to white guys But to black men black men saw them as a prize Saw them as a trophy because Even though the woman may not be Like traditionally pretty she still lived in the suburbs She still had a car She still could buy that starter jacket that bomber jacket. She still could get you them air force ones. She still had economic advancement Like that white young lady she followed me and held on to me for years I broke up with her at the six month mark. She hung on to me for four years I had a whole another girlfriend everything she still was there I could call her for anything and she would show up I she would show up and she would She when I went to play football in west virginia, she flew from florida to west virginia I did not know a single black girl from where I was from that could afford a flight It was my first time getting on a plane at 18 when I went to play football in college This the the white girl she flew from Florida to west virginia And then so not only did she have flight money She rented a car had rental car money or no, I didn't I used another white girl car to go pick her up And then brought her to the school She gave me a hundred dollar bill Do you know in 2002 a hundred dollar bill felt like a thousand dollar bill And so the thing about it was and we wasn't even dating we weren't like a relationship So this was so when I wrote my book at 22 I told the truth about this and there was a chapter in there that says why do black men date white women That was a question that a black woman asked me And so at that time all I had saw Was a few different scenarios The one scenario was the black guy who could not relate to Majority of other black people in his surroundings because his parents had assimilated into the white culture meaning His parents got degrees They became educators. They became, you know, they advanced And so their parents moved to the suburbs and didn't stay in the the black neighborhoods So This black boy would get Picked on or kind of laughed at by the black girls because he wasn't a thug. He wasn't tough He didn't wear The urban clothing the black clothes the jabo jeans your whatever he he he dressed more Different whatever that was american eagle hollister Um express and so and it was because his parents Had elevated to another level So that was the one type of black guy that would date white women The other type of black guy that would date white women was the user the one who He don't care if you purple. He don't care if you blue He want that money So if you friend about him so pal jordan's if you could give him a pal jordan's for his birthday He he owned it and he probably would cheat on the white women with the black girls in his neighborhood But he would have him a white woman white girl. We talking high school So we ain't men and women yet the black boy would have the white girl for them jordan's for If on of our forces was in back then for whatever perks he could get and then It was certain see Certain most white people would raise their kids in a way that They get to do whatever they want to do So when I met white girls in high school You could go to their house and they parents would be gone for days And they having house parties they having everybody over there You've never seen that at no black person house You've never seen that at no black person house. No white kid It was white girl. I knew in high school Her parents had a house and then they had another house that was on the land that right across the the driveway But that's what her and her sister would be at and you could be in there doing anything you want to do and the parents be over there But now her mom and daddy told her Hey, we know you have black friends, but we don't think it's smart dad You date Black guys You know, you know, we have our housekeeper. She's black. We love her. She's been with us your whole life She's helped raised you. You know, we're not racist But it's just it's gonna be a lot, you know, if you're with a black guy And I remember the young lady she came to me. She she was crying. She told me that but again This was a white girl that was not attractive to to white guys And so she it she would talk to black guys, but as black guys We would talk to her Because it was perch that came with it This is a hard conversation to have this the truth that a lot of people don't want to tell And so I saw the white guy who related more the black guy who related more to white people Than black people he would date a white girl the black guy who was the user and then the third one I was a little bit of number two and I was the third one the third one was the payback Y'all remember like, um, I think it was jack johnson the boxer back in the day had his white women um It's different black celebrities back in the day like the sixties or the seventies or whatever that Would get revenge and they would date a white woman to get revenge And somebody say this ain't no secret It might well be a secret because we don't tell we don't talk about it And and and you know why there's a secret because black women beating themselves up about this It's like so if you if if every black woman knew that these the main three reasons a black man go to a white woman Then black women should not be can't be caring but black women is literally in their feelings and crying And jealous of the white women who got a black man when it's like that's not the black man That was for you anyway. That's not the black man. You won't and so that third one was the get back guy So whenever I when in my past and what I've seen with a lot of guys Would talk to certain white women to stick it to their daddy To stick it to their granddaddy to to like it was rebellion It was saying oh, you think i'm an n-word Oh, you're gonna come up to my school with your with your um in your cruella clan because cruella clan came to my school i'm from central flor and so Cruella clan came to my school And so a lot of black guys started dealing with white women out of rebellion and to Make them pay and it was kind of like a get back. It was kind of like asserting Themselves and so You have to you got to think about it and this that's why I say this a conversation that a lot of times You didn't have People operating from where they operating from but they couldn't identify where they was operating from So they couldn't say oh I You know float ain't on the one now We just the whole south races, but really it raised the air. Well, it raises that in california too and new york too It's like I I realized everybody kind of went through their own version not just in the south We had the cruella clan And so here's the thing The conversations so a guy could be acting from this place operating from this place and not realize it And people looking for love So a lot of times What I noticed with white women I would meet certain white women that would date black guys and they would say I'm only attracted to black guys And they would say I only date black guys But when I got to the root of it it was all the time It was white women who weren't that attracted to white guys that it was something about them It could have been their nose It could have been their lips It could have been their forehead It could have been their their shape their build that made them Outside of the stereo or or like freckles or like red hair that made them outside of the stereotypical blonde hair blue eye That white guys was being promoted to the white guys. They was being promoted this one type of White woman that is seen as attractive to them And so all of the white guys was going for these certain looks of a white woman And then the white women who got left outside of that they ended up with a hispanic or black And that became their preference because that's where they got praised from We go where we celebrate it not where we tolerate it. So if somebody don't like It's a lot of them be overweight now, but that one the case it just some of them just they just look different They weren't never my case. I I never you know When I was in high school, I taught a three in a row and they was all athletes volleyball track soccer It was real fit, but it just they faced was Their face was a little different The face was a little different than what? White guys wanted and and me I I was I was the type of guy when you come up in in like everything about money Me I was the one of the type of guy. I don't know what that's called capitalist, but I was like, uh I want I wanted to go where the money was And so me who got a car who fit who could give me a hundred dollars? I used to be a bomb That's why I could talk about grown boys and bombs because I used to be a bomb When I was in high school in college And so I went to where the resources was Because I and so my whole closet in high school and college Opportunity my whole closet was bought by By white girls Back then the jerseys was in the jerseys was in like, um Fabulous I had a jersey almost every team, but it was white girls buying it And so that is what it was being used for and it's the truth that people don't want to tell with the racial lines And so typically today when I see A white man with a black woman It falls into the same category Either he was raising around black guys and he started to think like black guys be attracted to what black guys was attracted to And he talked like black guys. He act like black guys. So he'd get a black woman The other type of white guy that I see with a black woman is the white guy that white women are not Typically attracted to He's more socially awkward or he's seen as more nerdy or he's seen as more You know feminine he's seen as You know, you see like the tall skinny guys And and so it's really And on the fringe of this is people being pushed out of their race to another race There's people being saying hey, you're not celebrated here So go over there because you might be a prize to somebody And then on the colorism side of it is When it's black people dealing with the colorism is self-hate And so when you when we look at somebody Who has been who is in skin? That they have been made to feel very Bad about their skin They want the opposite Because they feel like that skin is better. So this is what you have to realize This is what you have to realize If you've taken you see if a if a man or a woman Grows up And they are made to hate themselves They get bullied they get talked about Or whatever and I just read this I heard this somewhere the other day that I think it was a black man talking He said how he was bullied. He was talked about his skin color his skin color So he wanted a lighter woman So that his child wouldn't have to go through what he went through That stems from self-hate But a lot of people don't Say that And then one of the arguments that you're going to hear inside of this colorism thing And I would say colorism also encompasses A colorist in the sense of when white black guys would say Oh, well a white woman treatment like a queen the white woman treatment I mean like a king much to the queen the white woman treatment like a king You know You hear a lot of black guys who date white women. They'll say Well, look how you act as a black woman. You yell you scream and you do all of this you do all of that From my findings this this just me now this just me and this is my findings From my findings The issue that those black men had was that the black woman Was state her issues and her problems to his face And that made him feel threatened and challenged But the white woman Would do it to his back So the black woman to stab you in your chest the white woman to stab you in your back as a black man The black woman to shoot you between your eyes the white woman to put some poison cyanide in your food And so they both Angry about the cheating they both going to get theirs But the black woman would be more forward about it And so it made black women black black men say oh you two argumentative you too much drama you too loud you too this and that you too this and that and and Black men would go to white women had his exodus go to white women And get their feet rub and get all kind of money get all kind of gifts get all kind of stuff But not realizing that white woman gonna get hers too now She's gonna get hers too now so when I dated the When I dated the white woman in college I was a cheater So I slept with eight other Uh girls in college And I remember one time I was in the room with a young lady And my teammate which was a black guy I had taken his spot on the team. He was older than me So He was a junior and I was a red shirt freshman and the coach started me over him so he Got upset about that. So the white young lady I was talking to He started to tell on her whenever I was dealing with another young lady So one time I'm in the room with the young lady I come out nothing happened nothing happened because my teammate My other my roommate gave me this Propho liked it that it's supposed to give you some extra time But when you put it on It numb you So if you don't get to go into work That thing go to sleep. So that thing went to sleep that thing went to sleep And so nothing happened But I come out the room and I got a letter on the door from the young lady is a white young lady Tony, I know you're in there with such as such Give me a call when you're done Now a black woman If I was dating a black woman And somebody told her That I was in the room with another woman One or two things would have happened one. She would have never talked to me again Two she would have kicked that door in The white woman put a note on the door I know you in there sleeping with such and such give me a call when you're done It's just two different ways things is handled. But then guess what I found out We coming from practice one day with one of the corner bikes. He's from PG County, Maryland You don't think that girl cheated on you? You don't think that girl cheated on you? I said no, she ain't cheating man I say listen He said if she ain't cheating on you if that girl ain't cheating on you since you've been talking to her I will climb to the top of that or chapel And get on that steeple And pull my pants down and let and let a man poke me in the booty When he said that When he said that I said Hold on now I'll say he trying to tell me something I'll say he trying to tell me something When I tell you I went to that room I called that young lady over there When I tell you I put her through first 48 I had her in a chair And I was at first 48 Listen I know everything and I'm gonna tell you right now I'm gonna give you one opportunity to tell me everything you done did Who you gonna slept with? Nobody nobody listen. I already know You tell me or it's over with Okay, okay Okay, one time At the beginning when we first started talking You know, I I slept with such and such I said what? You slept with such and such This was the full back. I was the tail back on the team. This was the full back. He was from temple I'm from urban del florida. We are hour apart I had bet him trying to be cool thinking I'm the man Because of how the white girl was treating me I'm thinking I'm a king That's when I learn They gonna get theirs too. It's just a black woman gonna punch you in your eye A white woman gonna hit you in the back of your head So I'm thinking ain't no way in the world this woman treating me like this and she gonna cheat So I told my home boy. I say a boy if you a if you could hit a hit a knife Hey, but you can't help why I got that on lock black And so that's how we was talking but this what this fool do Instead of him going and sleeping with her and then telling me I I I guess he wanted to do it and not say nothing about it So he had so then she admitted to him I say dang it Is somebody else and you need to tell me the truth And then she said a second name. I kept on my first 48. She said a third name I kept on my first 48. She said a fourth name I kept on my first 48. She said a fifth name I kept on my first 48 two of them was at the same time so I say why you did that? I was crying like a baby I dove in the bed. I dove in the bed crying It was my ego was hurt because I had lost To my homeboys. I had lost to my homeboys They had got me and they had been laughing at me and talking about me behind my back and I thought I was that man I thought I was that guy And so boy, I cried like a baby And then but I say, you know what I can't let them win Because if I break up with a then they don't want So I got that I got to play this off. I got to act like um dawn one This thing to be my bottom B I don't care about who she doesn't slept with because I get to drive her car get jerseys I get money. I get food every day See as as white people they have a college savings Because they economic situation different So they had a college savings. So she had a bank account full of money So she came to college. She told me with over a few grand in her checking I came to college with my suitcase I ain't have a dollar and so I couldn't let my my homeboy win So I just played it off But then I confronted him. I say yeah I talked to her She told me about what happened with y'all Huh? She told me what what what what she told you Oh Oh Hey, bro. Uh, so So what you to slept with my girl too? So what you slept with my girl too? So what you gonna sleep with my girl too? They were so scared. They were so scared because Now Because I look way better than them and I don't say that I know but I'm talking these guys They was looks they was looks challenge and that was the other thing And when I say I look way better. I just took care of myself better. I dressed nice. You know, I looked better than them. They was looks challenge And I say so now not only Because see now typically if a black woman cheat on you she finna cheat up. I say Now the white woman she gonna sleep with five other black guys And now one on how that saw something like me I said uh, uh, I said so what made you do it? Why you did? And she said well my roommate her roommate was a white woman But a white woman she was she she did her thing now. She was loose and she was open with her looseness And she looked terrible too. She was nowhere near cute her roommate And the young lady I was talking to looked terrible But I just had no I didn't really like it just she shot or shot at me in the library I was in the library doing homework and she shot her shot At that school a black girl never shot. They shot at me So this is the thing that we get confused a lot of times and that a lot of these black guys who got these channels It let me know they never really had women because Black women are actually way harder to sleep with black women Rarely black women will revenge cheat, but it's it's totally it's way less than Women or other races And I know this from being a life coach too Because I coach I have coached thousands of people And I will talk to black women and they will I'm a step aside They will I say so he doesn't so you don't call them cheating how many times Well, Tony I stopped counting Like I stopped counting and then I say okay So how many times have you cheated? None None I'll say now come on. I tell the truth now. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. You ain't you Tony I swear on my mom And she passed away Tony. I swear to god like black women will say that to me and then I talked to Our coach white women and it'll be complete opposite It will be the complete opposite and I say wow But that's the same thing that we experienced though growing up. That's the same thing we experienced growing up Is we as as black men we experienced and so what it was with the white woman It was more so like a almost like a rebellion for them But almost and it was a fear Because black men have been painted as criminals and villains and all of this negative things So When a white woman is dealing with a black man She treat a black man like a king because she fears that he is a beast Like the media has painted him to be Whereas a black woman don't fear a black man because she like You scared nobody And a black woman In a lot of cases could fight Because I remember my cousin who could fight my cousin used to take up with me because I was scary Anybody trying to bother with me my cousin was shorter than me too Hey, you better leave my cousin alone You're gonna fight my cousin, you better go through me My cousin was tough, but he got in a fight with a black girl And when I tell you that thing was When I tell you I couldn't really tell who we were we was in middle school. I was like Like Oh She might have got you cuz Cuz she might have got you I don't know because they was in the we was in the cafeteria. We sitting down at the cafeteria And we in our cell like there be a car This my first cousin my dad and his dad and brother we played football together We was on the same team gas and we were duo. I run a touchdown. He run a touchdown We was duo. He was shorter than me though, but he he he a month older than me And he went to she went to sit down and she couldn't get in her chair and they bumped chairs and in club like We're on to they bumping chairs and this girl here She had been through a struggle Because She was a melanated sister. So you go through stuff people pick on you So this girl here was tough. I remember to this day her name was Jessica Next thing I know Jessica stood up cuz stood up Cuz stood up and Jessica She put a windmill So cold trying to get some leaks in but I It was like I see That right down I learned my lesson I learned my lesson I said new See cuz where I'm from guys and girls used to fight White girls and fights are too White where I'm from white girls and fights are too. I mean white girl punched me in my stomach in fourth grade I was doubled over had to go tell the teacher. Then I'm a night girl white girl hit me Now that they're now I had had to get my few legs and Went to the they tried to suspend us my daddy came in he said listen One thing I teach my son don't you put your hands on nobody But I don't care if it's a that fit your boy or girl if you hit him He's gonna hit back now He says so y'all need to suspend her you can't suspend him though Because he was defending himself and sure no they ain't suspend me They suspend her because he had to hit me first But that's how I was while I grew up now. It was no blood no black eye No bust lips. It was that we used to kind of you can't really fight We didn't really fight, you know, and so McCulloch got what now he get what now? I can't say that I can't say that it was a close one though. So I say that to say what I learned And then when I talked to when I talked to the white woman and this how I started to see because this 2002 this 2002 2003 This is where I seen the Emmett Till type stuff Because this woman is she fully grown And I said well why you did it She said because my roommates told me If they could do it we could do it too And that's how her roommate moved her roommate used to get that thing in you hear me She said my roommate told me if they could do it we could do it too So she said whenever you would go out Yo, the other running back the running back that I took his spot The coach put me in started me over him and he was older than me He started snitching And telling her oh tone over here over tone over there over tone over here So then the guys when I went and told them I knew what to happen Then they start to sing like a canary and they say oh, yeah sudden stuff we're telling her though, man So anytime you will be gone somewhere sudden such a teller And then that's when we hit her up when we knew you was over there hidden whoever And I said okay all right and then So she told me that and and then she told him about the two that was together. She said that it was uh She said I was he he asked me to come over And he wanted to talk to me and then I got over there and then he started to try to make a move And I just was kind of afraid of him because he has He has dreads and he has tattoos and he has gold teeth and I just was intimidated by him Okay, so then why you slept with the corner back? Well, he looks the same way. He has dreads too and he has tattoos too And she said I didn't want to sleep with him you know I'll say so I tried to get up off the floor. I said you was on the floor They had you they had you on the floor So you weren't even in the bed She's I'll say And she said I tried to get up on the off the floor and then he put his hand in my chest Like this and then he pushed me back down I'll say that Oh y'all gotta forgive my phone going dead y'all gotta forgive She said I was on the floor and I tried to get up and then he put his hand in my chest And then he put me back down. She told him I'm the second guy So she said she slept with my full back the full back on my team and she slept with the corner back They both from Tampa. They knew each other and she said she slept with them in the same night And then the full back she said she slept with him multiple times. I didn't get the full detail So it could have been two three four five time And so every time I went to cheat she went to cheat and so after that I'll say I am never in my life talking to a white woman again Because at least I was like at least with a black woman If she catch you cheating she's gonna break up with you. She's gonna break up with you Or she's gonna whoop you up behind or something or she's gonna make you pay you got to buy all kind of purses or bags or something, but Nine or ten times she's not fitting to go Let nobody run no train on And so she was trying to say she was intimidated on my teammates I'm like, how are you intimidated when we in west virginia the crew club clan is up here You even have to go over there But that's what started happening. So that's why you've seen so many black guys That was sleeping with white women at these different schools And then the white woman boyfriend find out they white boyfriend find out or they dad find out and then they would say Then they would say He raped me And sometimes of course, it's true But a lot of times it could also be a lie And I saw that with my girlfriend when I was interviewing her on my first 48 interrogation That she was now trying to say She walked over there. They was on a total opposite side of the campus She walked over there, you know, y'all ain't in no study group You ain't going over there to study. You going over there, you know, I'm cheating So you mad so you going over there what you think you going over there for But then she tried to tell me she was intimidated by them and all of that and I said, okay Well, be that I said, all right. Well, you was intimidated to tell on them You need to go to the dean and you need to go to the dean of students No, I don't want to do that. I say they ain't gonna do nothing to you Because they know me they ain't gonna do nothing to you go tell the dean of students that that they took advantage of you If that's what happened. No, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I So you want to sleep? Well, well, yeah, kind of one. I did but the other one. No, I didn't I said All right, I by had called dr. Edmond. I by had called dr. Edmond So listen I finished the year I finished the year I I stayed well throughout the school year Come that summer She flunked out She had three semesters in a row. That was 1.7 GPA So she didn't get to come back to school Oh, you know better come back. Oh, man. I'm so sorry about that So sorry about that because I always feel to be done anyways But I just needed to power through that school because I couldn't let my homeboy see me sweat So I walked around with him the rest of the school year So listen, I got my karma what y'all call it. That's a religious belief. I don't believe in karma I reap what I sold I reap what I sold I paid the price because I had been a woman. I was I had been a cheetah I had been a liar. I I learned the lesson right there that thing that thing hurt me. Do you hear me? That thing heard me But then I became a hurt scorn man my next relationship Which was two years with a with a black woman at the college Lasted two years and then I met my wife and I tried to come in hurt and scorn with my wife and she shut it down So see this why I try to help y'all understand too. I know we talk about colorism, but I try to help y'all understand I got with this woman and she slept with five other men while we was dating in that one year So that made me angry and scorn So the next woman I got with I still was ruthless and it's too it's too real, but see a lot of people don't be this transparent and don't speak numbers The next woman I was with I was I was with her she was ace out rocket color. She was my color and But she again Her parents had the guy educated. They had to make money. She was from california. She was from los angeles So it was totally different For her so she taught really proper You know, she was black, but she taught proper. She ate different She did not act like the black girls. I grew up around So it was kind of like her energy and her attitude and her personality was just like a white girl But she was black So that kind of confused me because I had never met a black girl like that where i'm from and so But then also she had other stuff going on Her daddy was muslim her daddy became a muslim so she was muslim She had one of the muslim names, but they was black But they had you know these names and then her mama her daddy was black darker than me a few shades darker than me But her mama was mixed black white and indian So the daddy I could tell how he looked because he looked like this hat. He was the color of his hat And he was and he was a short guy about looked like five five five seven and You know his his face was kind of sucking in and just kind of He had an interesting look about him. So I could tell he was dealing with colorism because of his wife that he chose she looked at almost like how some creole people look in new orleans and She very proper speak very well very culture, you know, but then the daddy was like He was like A country boy like me like he talked Sounded like he bumping his gums So he was not You know all of this and that but he went her she went him and then they had their kids and So see I What I did this what y'all don't realize The reason why I teach what I teach and I got all these videos on youtube is because I study my experiences and what I realized is that our experience are not that unique Everybody else having a very similar experience But very rarely do we open the notebook and And analyze our feelings and analyze where we were operating from and analyze where the people we were dealing with Operating from very rarely do we get to the root of the problem and analyze the root? We see the fruit, but we don't analyze the root And I started to analyze the root and I started to be able to classify Essentially doing what a therapist what a doctor would do with human study And how they create their theories I just did it in my own life. And so I was able to see and I mind you The white young lady I was telling you about that slept with five black guys and the thing about it is she was Sleeping with other guys while we was dating, but they was all black guys So I'm like what but the thing about it is she was not attracted to white guys you know, she she kind of was like I'm a little like a raggedy and all but not like in a derogatory sense, you know like look like kind of almost reddish hair I'm a little freckles Her nose was kind of like a It was a different kind of nose one a white person knows and really one a black person knows And then her her lips was like plump lips Which you know white women don't typically don't have naturally most white women don't have naturally plump lips. Her lips was kind of like Look like a little swollen right now And so that look got a little set of nostrils on you got a little plump lip I got freckles Almost kind of got reddish color half White guys did not White guys did not think she was attracted. So she went to black guys But she didn't realize that black guys was using her And so this what this where the conversations we don't like to have There's to come and say just the truth that we don't like to have and then I talked a lot of white women and for the longest I'm gonna tell y'all I for the longest After I wrote that book what daddy never told his little girl. I had to become the guy That was like the truth bearer Because a lot of white women who date black men will hire me And when they were telling about their relationship, I would tell them I said listen You honestly need to consider being with your own race because You rarely gonna find a black man that genuinely love you for you That genuinely is with you for pure reasons I said it's very very rare. I said it's typically two types one that's using and the other one that hate itself Now if you find one that don't hate itself, he loves his blackness And he loves you I say that that's an exception to the rule but the guy you telling me about and the last guy and the last guy and now one of them Fall into organic natural real love. This is all you've been used and You giving him you get these men all this stuff because you fear us as a race You you really fear him you you shouldn't fear the person that you with that you want to marry that you sleeping with You should see him like a man You you shouldn't have you really dating him with the stereotypes in your mind and it was It was a truth that we don't talk about that's hard to talk about and it's hard to be real and And and the white women be on the phone with me. They would be completely blowed away That I told them this angle of it and and expressed it like that because they couldn't see it They thought that every single interaction they had with a black man was completely pure completely organic completely real And i'm like no that's not I'm like because if it was that natural and organic, we would have never had slavery We would have never we wouldn't have discrimination. We wouldn't have systemic racism If every person of another race that you date with that you sleep with is pure and organic I mean That means that nobody sees color. No your color is being seen And it's being used or it's being appreciated one one or the other, but it's being seen you are seen There a colorism exists It's a real thing and we got to really get to the root of it for our own life and so When you think about it and you analyze you know dark skin light skin couples And just you kind of got to analyze them and you may not know how the person how they think and feel You may not know But for the same reason some dark skin people want a light skin person That's the same reason some light skin people want a dark skin person It's the same reason it's not liking the skin that they're in And it's just you know Um, just because a man is treated badly hurt by a woman doesn't make sense to treat the next woman like crap She doesn't deserve it. Yeah a lot of stuff that we do as humans don't make sense Ain't nothing gonna make nothing evil don't make sense. Nothing bad makes sense. It just is what it is It's just life, you know And so it's it's kind of like and sometimes you got to take it out of relationship context and it's like if you go buy a car And You're the car supposed to be 10,000 But you pay 15,000 for it and you find out after you didn't drove it off a lot You find a couple months later. Hey, you paid 5,000 or more than you supposed to pay the next time you go buy a car You're finna be very hostile. You finna be a different person And so that's all that that's all it is in life when you It's just like the one who get hurt her next relationship. It's not fair to the guy in her next relationship that she goes in guarded It's not fair that she that she blames him for stuff He not doing it's not fair that she give him two strikes before he even stepped to the plate. That's not fair either But that's how life is that's how it happens It's just we typically react to situations And that's why the term says hurt people hurt people Because you could be the one that get hurt and you go to somebody else and you hurt them By just being closed off being guarded being judgmental not trusting And you hurt somebody who was a great person and you pushed them away Because you've been hurt by other people and this person literally came to love you and help heal your heart But you end up breaking their heart by being so guarded you end up You know metaphorically beating them up Because you've been beat up And so that's all it's what what they say to the kick the cat syndrome daddy mad at the boss daddy mad at the boss So daddy come home and yell at mama now mama mad so mama go yell at the son not a son mad so the son go kick the cat And that's just all it just a trickle down effect so a This right here. This is a tough conversation, you know, and it just And it's different. It's always gonna be different variations. You know, it's it's gonna be pure situations to where people are different races and different colors Skin complexions and it's pure and it's organic Like they just met and it wasn't a motive Now when y'all say something like this rapper ace out rocky y'all say he even said colorist things in the past And then he get a light skinned woman. I saw somebody say that his family from Barbados like her family I doubt that's the connection because Yeah, island people don't care that much by being with the island people because typically When you from an island, you know how the people on your island is So a lot of times like my wife tells me jamaican women really don't want no jamaican man And I hear that from every island every the milica republic porta rica All of them say they don't want they own man because they know they man. So I assure you ace out rocky and get with rihanna because His family from her family from barbie. She from Barbados if his family from Barbados I can assure you that ain't the reason But if he doesn't say colorist remarks in the past Then that would make sense that he would get him a light skinned woman and But when you look at him, you also will realize his skin tone is not praised So it will make perfectly perfect sense if he have some self-hate And want and is a colorist because of how he's been made to feel about his complexion That would make perfect sense. And so that's what we have to understand. And so it's really like what I tell women Is you're not being overlooked like This is a man who don't These type of men not the ones that's organic, but a man who's looking for a preferential complexion He's not overlooking you. He's never looking at you to begin with But this is not a man overlooked is being passed over by somebody you want Somebody you deserve somebody that wants you and then they just look past you But this somebody who if they don't want you you got to go where you celebrate it And you got to believe in your your own beauty. You got to be confident in yourself You got to walk in your excellence your beauty. You got to tell yourself You got to have affirmations literally you got to have affirmations and you got to tell yourself I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. I'm handsome. I'm handsome. I'm handsome And you got to believe that and you got to dress like that you got to walk like that, you got to be confident, you got to be humble, you got to be kind and you got to make sure that you're not telling yourself, oh, people overlooking me because it is, people overlooking me because it is. And because when you're telling yourself that you're going to show up sour patch face, you're going to have a sour face. So the person that do want you, the person that do love your melanin who look just like you, you're going to push him away because of what you're telling yourself. You got to, you got to think everybody attracted to you. You instead of thinking everybody not attracted to you, you got to take it differently. And so when you invert that thinking, it's going to change a lot. It's going to change a lot. Lovey dovey, it's not really no Q and A, but you're not wrong for that. And I'll tell y'all something about not trusting female family around your man. You ain't wrong for it. You should keep boundaries because he will touch them. And if they vulnerable, they will let them touch them. And it happened all the time. It happened every day, having every day. So I don't blame people for that. Like my wife, she don't, she don't have me talk to her sisters. She don't, I can't call her sisters. Like she don't tell me they call my sister and ask her or her sisters don't call me. And even though those her blood sisters, she gets boundaries. It boundaries. And if I had a brother, my brother won't be calling my wife because I know he ain't blind. I know he ain't blind. My wife look good. I know he thinks she look good. No, bro. What you need? You can ask us. Yeah, got your speakerphone, bro. What you need? What you got a question about your girlfriend? Okay, yeah, ask us. Yeah, so speakerphone. I wouldn't, you can't trust humans around your man or your woman. You got to have boundaries. You got to have boundaries because, because human, humans, we are flawed. And if we give them too much space and we give them too much, and it just, it ain't no, it ain't no expectations in place. It ain't no boundaries in place stuff could happen. And we got to be real about that. You got to be real about it. See me, my wife, because of the work I do, she got a different type of security blanket because she know I'm a man of integrity. And she know I'm not going to be out here doing all this here talking and then cheating on her so she could relax. She don't have to be insecure at all because she know I ain't crazy like the other relationship coach who cheated on his wife. She know I ain't crazy of being no affair and be on here doing all this here talking and getting people to believe in love again and then cheating on her. So she chill. But me, I'm not as chill because she don't have the same accountability that I got. So I had to tell her, Hey, listen, listen, why are you at them? Why are you at that soccer practice? Why are you at them gang? Listen, don't be doing all that. Don't be doing all that. Keep keying with the men. Cause listen to these men. I don't care if they white men, they still think they think black are the bearer, sweeter the Jew. You are a black bearer compared to the white wife now. So listen, keep a little distance. Don't be, don't be talking too long. Don't be cause he, cause he get to go to and he being a shot or shot. And then I'm going to shoot a different kind of shot. You know what I'm saying? And it ain't insecurity. It's just understanding how people work. And I heard all of Ziggler say, the motivational speaker, he Ziggler say, he ain't even go to lunch with women on business meetings. So he didn't even do a business meeting with a woman in a public restaurant for lunch alone. He had to have his wife there or he had to have another business partner there. And it's just boundaries and people get so caught up. Oh, well you got to trust and you got to be tried, tried, tried, tried. And one time a wife said to me, she was like, well, you're going to have me thinking about, well, man, should I not talk? I say that's what the Zach thought you need to have so that you are still have a boundary so that you're not giving too much energy. Cause I say the way men is, if you smile too hard, man, think you want to sleep with them. Look at the news. And you see, you laughing and kicking too hard, a man going to start to think you want to, you might be attracted to him. Men just don't have the maturity to not think like that. It'd been like that since we were little boys. So I have to tell her like, hey, the energy got to be like this a homeboy now. Don't be doing all that kicking and all of that. And, and, and I can't feel bad about that. Cause see the society will try to tell you, oh, that's insecurity. And that's all, listen, we humans, we humans, humans is flawed. And we put your trust in God and for humans, you got to prepare. You put your trust in God and humans, you got to be prepared. You got to have boundaries. You got to have policies and procedures with human. You can't just let it be anything just, oh, will it nearly? No, no, we got to be boundaries and policies and procedures cause a human gone human. And the same thought of, oh, it's just innocent. Oh, it's just innocent. Oh, it's just innocent. That's how my boss, my old boss in the NBA, married man, got caught having affair with a married woman at the office. I guarantee you her husband and his wife thought it was so innocent that they going to different events together and the law had not been laid down. Had his wife laid down the law, this how I expect you to act with this woman, had her husband laid down the law, they would have been more conscious of that. And they Christian people, this is a Christian God, good God, he would have been more conscious of it had the law been laid down. But when you give a human way too much, just leave, weigh and rope and they got, they got stressed, they got work, they going to, you don't know what a human capable of. So it's a difference now between being cautious and being insecure and being controlling. And that's what we got to realize. You still need to set boundaries in your relationship. And don't let nobody tell you that setting boundaries is controlling or insecurity. No, it's wisdom. It is wisdom, set boundaries. Hey, this Tony, guys and God bless you, you miss, you gonna rewind, catch it. This is a tough conversation. I apologize for being the one that got to talk about it. I know people going to take offense to it. Who who don't, you know, can't see themselves from the outside looking in. We kind of want to believe the narrative that we've painted in our mind. So I know people going to take offense to I apologize about that, but I just got to call it like I see it, you know, some is a strike, some is a ball, some is a file, some is going to be a home run, but I got to call it like I see it, you know, so y'all forgive me. I don't mean no harm. I ain't, I'm not racist. I'm not prejudice. I'm, I'm just real. And I just called it like an ISL. So y'all forgive me for that job. Hey, God bless you. We'll talk soon.