 And welcome. I hope you've been enjoying the recent videos from our patent-pending K-Corp sketch chambers. The lesser Kiles have been hard to work bringing you more delicious comedy. Let's go check on them now. Look at them go down there. Well guys, it's perfectly humane. They don't need food or sleep. Who is that? Who is that? Get him! Anyway, a bunch of them died after the last few paradox videos, so I figured while we wait on them to catch back up, let's do something different. Let's see what's on my mind. Wow. Shocker. Speaking of Spider-Man villains, I've always found them to be much more compelling than your average Marvel big baddie in no small part because they seem like they'd be relatively easy to defeat in a one-on-one confrontation. I'm not gods or billionaires. And if you put any one of these dorks up against like a SWAT team in a narrow hallway, they kind of just die. This means they have to be clever, selective in their fights, and thankful that it's just that darn Spider-Man again and not some disgruntled trauma victim or a guy with knife hands. I actually think the movies don't showcase this well enough like in The Amazing Spider-Man, The Lizard, a scientist who turns himself into a lizard is bulletproof, like you can just heal from any wound, and then later you want me to believe that Black Widow is doing anything against a bunch of invading aliens. And yes, those are in the same universe because media is collapsing into a singularity and there is nothing you can do about it. What was I talking about? Right, Spider-Man villains are squishy little meatbags and I think I could fight them, which is great because I moved to New York recently and if I run into one of these disgruntled gadget dads on the street, I want to know if I could stand my ground or if I should run because it's venom. So today I'm going to rank the Spider-Man villains on how easily I think I could kill them. Now, I can already hear some of you asking, Kyle, aren't you just doing Brian David Gilbert's Unraveled? And I don't know how I'm hearing you before I've made this video, but that kind of energy is not welcome in this building. New glasses! Some ground rules. One, I'm only including villains who originated in a Spider-Man property, not just anybody he's ever fought. Pretty sure that includes every Avenger and that's going to throw off my scale. Number two, I'm only going off of the powers and identities of the villain as originally presented in their first appearance because I'm pretty sure there's like five green goblins. And three, I've decided in all of these hypothetical scenarios that I have a gun. I think that's fair. These are super villains. I deserve a basic human weapon. I will rate my survival on a scale of one to ten in a one-on-one confrontation with each villain and then arrange them on a spectrum of flight to fight for easy reference. On the low end, we will have villains who could easily eat you. There's a couple. And then down here are the ones that you could probably rob them, honestly. We will begin with the core rogues gallery that surely everyone is familiar with. Venom, he's going to be our low end marker because I cannot fight him, nor could I run away because he has a monster from space. On the other end, we will put the tinkerer. He is an old man. He does make guns, but as long as I don't follow him into his workshop, I'm pretty sure I could just punch him in the heart and he would die. So he's 10. Now that we have defined our extremes, this is where I'm going to lose some of you. Dr. Octopus, six out of 10. I think I could take him more often than not. Yeah, he's one of the world's most brilliant scientists. Yes, he has scary metal tentacle arms. But in the middle of all that, he's just kind of an out of shape guy. Not because he's chubby, just because he seems indoorsy. And also the arms probably do a lot of the heavy lifting. He probably has the balance pretty well. That's probably hard to do. I bet his abs are great. Doesn't block a bullet though, so I'll shoot him. Chameleon, he's a Russian spy who can look like anybody. And I'm not very observant. Nine times out of 10, he's got a knife in my ribs before I know he's there. I'm going to give myself a two. Vulture, also an old man, flies, guns work on birds. Eight. Sandman, he's sand. I don't know what to do there. You got me. What? The lizard, I don't think he's completely bulletproof. But my chances against a velociraptor don't feel like they get much higher just because I could technically shoot at it. He's also a scientist, so he's definitely smarter than me. A lot of these guys are actually way smarter than me. I'm going to do a two. Electro, electric powers can't be touched. If he sees me first, I'm probably done for. But this gun really levels the playing field. I'm going to give myself a five. Mysterio, literally just a man. His powers are fake. And Green Goblin, crazy murderer, well-armed, rich white guy. Canonically wears bulletproof chainmail, but I don't know if that's real. Modern body armor reduces the chances of fatal wounds, but does not in fact deflect bullets. So he's moderately less susceptible to gun. Even so, I just have a feeling this guy would win. Like, even if I fatally wound him, I feel like he'd just laugh it off and then drop me from his rocket glider. Tenacity goes a long way. I'm going to give myself a three. Craven the Hunter, dude's a trained killer with super senses. And if I'm being honest, I think I'm giving myself a lot more leeway with expecting to know how to use this gun than I deserve. There's like the slimmest of chances I'd get in a good shot. So maybe like a two. Who am I kidding? The guy hunts people for a living. And I'm like the human equivalent of a baby deer. It's a one. Rhino, I- My theory is not holding up as much as I'd hoped. I'll go two, because he's dumb. And most of the tutorial fights involve tricking him into running into complicated machinery and knocking himself out. And I might be able to do that. Scorpion, there's a kind of standard package these guys have. Super strength, super reflexes, and some armor. We already covered the armor and that tail looks pretty bulky. I think I could like squeeze into a small space and just sort of swipe at him like a cat. If the cat had a revolver. Shocker, shock gauntlets. I have unreasonable respect for shocker. He's a hard worker and he's just trying to earn a paycheck in this crazy world, just like all of us. Unfortunately, that puts him on my level and I'd shoot him dead. Nine. Kingpin, I'm gonna say five. Hear me out. It's just him, not his whole criminal network. He's strong and has crazy endurance, but I'm like, even a bear, I'm pretty sure you can kill with like a lot of gunshots. So if he touches me, I will die though. Hammerhead, indestructible head, but normal mobster body. So seven. Tombstone, physically normal at first, but is also an assassin. And I am a YouTuber, so one. I'll do two. There's always a chance. Morbius, we can all beat up Jared Lotto. Jackal, who is this? Who is that? I'm just gonna go with my gut and say four. Bob Goblin, C. Green Goblin, plus one for extra confidence, because I ain't afraid of no knockoffs. Hydro Man, it's the Sandman problem. He's made of water and I can't punch that. Black Cat, uh, one. Carnage, zero. He's Venom, if Venom was also a serial killer from a Slasher movie. How did we shake out there? All right, so this isn't proving my premise, but there's a lot more villains that nobody ever hears about, Freak of the Week types. I bet they're not that bad. So I'm gonna run through them, and I'm sure it will balance out this scale, and I will be correct. This is where my Spider-Man knowledge breaks down right here. The living brain. He's a robot. I'm pro- Nope, I'm not gonna win that one. I'll go like two. Big Man, that guy's a mob boss, so I'll do a six. I did like a six for Doc Ock. The Crime Master, they don't list his powers, but he sounds like the other guy, so six. Molten Man, uh, he's on fire, so that's not looking great for the hand-to-hand combat. But nothing about being bulletproof, so I think that's a pretty solid like seven. Looter has the package of superpowers. He looks pretty lame, but he clearly came prepared. And I didn't. I'm gonna go like four. This is looking bleak. Robot Master, that's a Terminator. That's just a Terminator. One. Kangaroo looks like they just jump, so nine. Schemer, Kingpin's son. Became a super villain, and he calls himself Schemer. Carries a handgun, so do I. Ten. Gog, um, Gibbon. Gibbon's team affiliation is no joke on the Legion of Losers. So I would beat him, or I would apply to the Legion of Losers. I'm gonna go eight. Man Wolf is a werewolf. I'd be worried about this one, except that they are famously defeated by the weapon I have in my possession. So I will swap out one of those bullets. Tarantula, sounds like it's like Spider-Man, but with swords. Five. Mindworm, he doesn't even get his own page. Telepathic powers, zero, one. Grey Goblin, six. I'm getting tired of these goblins. My rage is fueling me. Big Wheel, I will beat the shit out of Big Wheel. Will of the Wisps, he can kind of turn like incorporeal, like Vision can. I don't have any magical attacks, so he wins. The Human Fly, it looks like he can see me coming, so it kind of reduces my chances a bit. I'm gonna go four. Let's be honest, if any of these guys have even 60 seconds of prep time, I'm out. The Rose, sounds like he kind of looks like Tuxedo Mask, but he is actually Kingpin's son again, Richard Fisk. I don't know why he keeps coming back. I'm gonna beat him up again. Black Tarantula, different than the Tarantula. He has laser eyes and heels, so no. Massacre, no. Overdrive is a member of Daft Punk. He has the ability to convert any vehicle into a high-powered one. I think I'd just be his friend. Screwball is described as the world's first live-streaming supervillain. I could beat her up, but I'd probably get in trouble for it online and lose my channel, so I won't do that. In conclusion, don't fight Spider-Man villains. I was wrong. This was a bad idea. Narratively, they're still more interesting than the Avengers ones. If your full-time job is SWAT guy and you're like armored up and you've got an automatic rifle, go at it. I still think you could take out most of these guys. I can't. If you're a regular person and they're not an old man, me and Overdrive can take our high-powered mopeds and just escape. That's the key. I'm gonna be good friends with Overdrive. We can run from anybody. Anyway, I know this will be useful information for everybody watching this video. Thank you so much for tuning in. I don't really know why I did this. Maybe I'll make more in this same format if not enjoy the one-off Thanksgiving treat. The death of YouTube podcast is also still going and we already have some pre-recorded podcasts and we are going to be getting back to recording them as well, so more of those are coming. Let me know if you think I was wrong about any of these or if you could beat them up instead of me. I'll recruit you to walk me around New York. I'm just gonna knock off one point from all of these if I'm being honest. Hope you all have a great first Christmas and I will see you soon. Goodbye. I've got some extra clarity granted by my second water and like I can't beat up a normal person under great circumstances. I've never been in a fight. I barely know how to use a gun. Fun fact, I have a second camera pointed at this one so that I can tell whether or not that one's recorded because the Sony a7s II just doesn't output that information. No matter how hard I try. So that's stupid.