 The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you, you sad pathetic humps Welcome to the broadcast are we on oh, okay? Welcome to the broadcast. I'm David Feldman David Feldman show Comfort friend me on Facebook. Follow me on Twitter What a great show we have today Kevin Bartini is back. Hello, sir. Thanks for having me. He's Performed all over the country and he's an actor and just a fantastic guy. He hosts the movie preview review Yes, sir heard nationwide on iTunes and Stitcher and as a part of the showbiz network and part of the showbiz network And joining us again is Pat Dixon. Hey David New York Crime Report, which you can hear on the kumia network Yes, that's right compound media. Yeah, I took the subway to get here today I don't know if you did or not right and I it's one of those days of snow and you go I just it's a bad choice. Do I trudge all the way to the subway or do I dig out the Porsche? So Pat I have a Range Rover as a backup to the Porsche just for days like this So Pat Dixon I'm afraid of Pat Dixon Kevin Bartini Yeah, I'm wildly intimidated being the room with you two guys and have to raise the game the theme of today shows abuse Okay, I maintain that we live in an abusive country and we celebrate Abusing one another and that deep down inside We hate one another That that is where that that we're all that the individualism that Ronald Reagan instilled in us has turned us into a nation of People who just snipe at one another That's the theme of today's show. No illiterate mouth breathing knuckle dragging So Pat Dixon. Yes, sir, and I went up against each other Last week in a roast battle. Okay. Have you participated in a roast battle? I have not but I've been in a cooking competition where I made a roast. Is it similar? Yeah, yeah, although I ate it probably a lot worse You definitely chewed a lot Now let me set the stage for you. Okay Pat Dixon was for no in these roast battles, right? and I was a Challenger okay now and you exploded on liftoff Well, let me just say that I was intimidated by you because I don't know you've written for You know the foremost roast puppet You know triumph and and you've got an incredible career I didn't know I always knew that you kind of you know, it's like some stand-up I never heard of but that you've been around for a long time and I read your Wikipedia and I was like wow This guy's Emmy award-winning writer and you know, he knows Steve Martin personally and and many other stars I mean, this is a celebrated entertainer, you know well-known for comedy So I'm gonna kick your ass last week Yeah, let me tell you how stacked against by the way I lost yeah Let me tell you how let me tell you how stacked against it was against you You were for no for no for no do to lose do to lose and I had David Taylor and Dave Cyrus Writing for me now. These are two of the best roast writers in America Jesus. Okay, and they were coaching me They were obsessed With my being victorious Whoa, that's really something so there was a lot did that work in your favor or did it work against you like it's a Well, I lost Well, I Won I lost the first round. Yeah, well, I just I kicked your ass in the second round. Well, yeah Third round, but we'll talk I would I'd like to talk about that third and final round We went toe-to-toe, but I knew you were winning But it was a little it was close in the third round, but I thought it was a momentum shift Yeah, you outperformed me there was that you were looser and And you threw me at the beginning by wearing the cowboy hat Yes, that was my secret weapon and I didn't have anything I come a village people village people village people joke I couldn't come up with anything Yeah, I mean, I knew that you knew me with a certain look and I said, you know I'll come out with a cowboy hat on so easy to make fun of and yet so Yeah, I look like a kind of a like I'm off like a Texas oil man Who it's actually faking it doesn't really have any money got it and I was not the heel. Okay, that was the heel Oh, what which was yeah amazing to me Amazing to me and I saw it right right then the judges kept talking about how likable and sweet. I was yeah Wow I'm less likable than David Felton. I Now the first round. Yeah, but you are just in general Like your persona is a stand-up as much more acidic and a cervix where his is I'm the Hasidic Yeah, his is hot No, but yours is you you perform the way you do it is is whatever you're saying You still have a smile and a nice guy demeanor. You don't have that. Well, you haven't seen me in a while I like because okay, I guess I don't know no more shines, but oh, yeah, you know, I I definitely smile a lot I think I'm more easy-going maybe than I was in the past I think you knew me back in the Carmen lynch era when I was mad at life. Okay All right, we're gonna do we'll do round one. I have my jokes. These were written by David Taylor and Dave Cyrus. Okay picked by me. So I take full responsibility. There's one joke that I did That killed me in round one and I wrote it it was The worst yeah, and I couldn't wait to do it. I thought this was gonna okay He added is his last joke and run one the most arguably the most important joke of the whole thing This was gonna and we had a lot. Okay, okay round one so now I started it because They get they left it up to an audience member for some reason and he goes I want him to go first And then I said AIDS before beauty come on and that got a nice land Okay, so really quick before you guys get into the jokes Let's explain to the listeners and to me who's never been to one of these So you have three rounds. How many jokes is it a back and forth? Or are you just hammering for 45 seconds and then people who go to cock fights would be offended by this These things it's the I have not seen Jeff show on Comedy Central yet. I Was wasn't really interested in doing this, but Dave Cyrus Dragged me to one and I thought oh my god. This is incredible. Okay, this is this is just it's just violent and There's a way in beforehand you have to wait I They're well produced and they do them at New York Comedy Club. Yeah on 24th street 24th between second and third It's three jokes for the first round. Okay, and it goes back and forth. Okay second round You get five jokes all at once. Okay, and then the other person gets to do that for about 30 seconds And you're really more like a minute and then the last round is five more jokes, and I think it's good for comedy because They're jokes, right one of the things I like about stand-up comedy I like jokes as opposed to attitude, and I think this is gonna help although Well, and it's tackling the politically correct. That's the other thing. I was a judge two nights ago And I had so much fun judging because I played the heel, but I and I just I said I want blood I Smell blood. Oh, um, it was two women on stage, which So I opened and I said, okay, so this is the first joke of the roast battle there you go. All right, I go Most people know David Feldman as a stand-up a very few know about his modeling career, which he's very proud He was a two-time centerfold for old Monthly And then I tagged it with of course, I'm kidding. Nobody knows Now I'm getting my I haven't even okay nightline Pat Dixon looks like you're only here. No, you look like you're only here because someone said alcoholic stepdad three times in a mirror Nice, I didn't write these okay. That's a Dave Cyrus and Dave Taylor who had to research me obviously Yes, which is which is great And I'm very flattered. I so far. Let's see you now by the way just so we know I and I worked I did something he was wearing the cowboy hat. So I I immediately Labeled you a Trump supporter. Yeah, of course. So I was working the racism Angle he mentioned. Yeah, he mentioned the Trump support and I had no choice but to own up to it Okay, which I'm actually proud of it It's even in a room like that So I said my next joke Feldman's a better writer than he is a performer Which is kind of like saying Hitler was a better dictator than he was a cheeseburger But Feldman used to come on stage as a clown Feldman wasn't the only comedian to come on stage as a clown. He was the only one to do it and become less creepy Okay, now I'm thinking what it got in the room, right and I'm thinking hey I can you know, he's he's gonna lose this I'm feeling good and I I said Pat proudly voted for Trump because he assumed once Trump kicks out all the Mexicans It'll open up some dishwashing job, which is actually That's I did work as a dishwasher, and I'm hanging in there All right, now it's time for me to do go ahead. I was gonna say it's a job for ex cons and retards So and and me go ahead. We don't like to use the word retard It's politically incorrect and when you when you say retard you sound like a Okay, so then I have my last joke of the round you mentioned the Trump thing and so I called an audible and And I switched down and that's why I have to scroll down here to my one of my later jokes and it was Let me see what was a great joke And he and he was smart for calling an audible and as he's looking for it I should point out that if the joke killed so I called an audible Okay, and went to my best joke Okay, and my best joke is the joke that I wrote right because Dave Cyrus and Dave Taylor wrote all my jokes But my ego is so big that the one joke that I wrote sure is the best of course, right? So that was the that I was saving that for after this great response that Pat yeah, okay, so Okay, I think I think what I did was as I switched to this one here. Okay. I said a lot of people hate Donald Trump But for Feldman it's personal He was once seated next to him on a flight to LA and Trump grabbed him by the pussy So I immediately went okay, that's it and the room rocks I'm thinking all right time for me professional comedian to pull out my strongest joke. Okay It's like chess. Yeah, and my joke was and and this is the one I have a problem with all right Pat is just jealous because I was alive to see Martin Luther King assassinated That's not the whole joke. Okay. You opened it now with with Pat has said That the luckiest day of his life was the day he was born white and I've never said that I've never said anything resembling I've never said and I go I never said that you go. No use at it That's a different joke. No, that was that one. You did it right before that all the King thing Oh the other joke. Well, okay, so that's why I was jealous is because I wasn't born yet to see Martin Luther King Junior get shot which I think if you had had done it without that it would there would have been less tension Oh, that's right. You have a better memory than I strongly denied had set Pat said the luckiest day of his life Was being born white? It was also the luckiest day of his mother's life Considering how many black guys she fucked. Oh Oh And then you followed that with the Martin Luther King. So this was just one little strength I thought that you did the best the thing about I thought you did that before the Martin Luther King joke All I know is that the Martin Luther King I wrote the Martin Luther King joke. Yeah, which is You know, I think a good job. I think it's a great judge's didn't care for it But the only ones that hated it worse than the judge of the audience Who were very they really shut them up in a weird way it it was like it felt This is why I really like these roast battles because it's the closest. I'm gonna get to boxing. Yeah, where I threw a punch and I just missed and then just got punched back and Went down and I just went down Well, yeah, it was like it was more like though because I didn't get the punch back because I was Going first and it was like you just missed and then like like a cartoon Like spun around a couple of times and landed on your butt And it looked really like you didn't stick the landing. Yeah, and it was people were like it was like the anti-labs Arrogance, they were hard on you. Yeah, I think it's a brilliant joke But I found from experience that Audiences and comedy clubs you can get you can get laughs from an age joke a 9-11 joke at this point But Martin Luther King you really they will clench right the fuck up. Yeah matter what and it happens to me I have one in my act one of the time they clench right the fuck was a learning experience I wrote in my journal. I keep a note note to self There's nothing funny about Martin Luther King's assassination. Yeah And you I wouldn't have thought that that would be such a thing So they gave the round to me based on mostly the strength of my last joke. Yeah pretty strong first joke, right? And And the reason I put a shitty joke in this as the second joke is because the second joke in the first round Doesn't matter. Okay, right all so it's just bookends. That's my whatever what I figured out and then Odd end around to mm-hmm the conventional wisdom I always thought was that when you want to in a rose battle you want to go second you want to follow up But that's not true in the second round when you get to just like cut loose It gave you room to run and that's what you did. He killed in the second round I killed in the second round But I called an audible and I made a mistake looking back because there's three rounds, right? In the back of my head because I really got my ass kicked in the first round. Mm-hmm. I Said I better move the third round to the second. I was saving the best for last. Okay, so I said I'm gonna go with I'm gonna move the jokes from the third round to the second round because there may not be a third round if you take Two in a row. Oh, okay, if he wins the second round, it's over But so you so you bumped your Medgar ever's joke Yeah, good, but here's the Memphis five I I was told that if Pat wins the first round Because they want to keep the fight going. They'll give me the second round. So looking back It might have been in my best interest to go toe to toe with you in the second round Because we did go toe to toe in the third round with those jokes Yeah, but I say but but I I moved my best to number two Speaking of number two. Why don't you tell the first joke? Okay? Well, actually You want to do them in the order that they happen that we can Because you did all five in a row and it was a destruction Pectics and you look like the webmaster for age of consent.com Pat does comedy all over the city the guy can really fill rooms. Unfortunately, they're all women shelters guilty Pat's this one didn't work. Pat's a huge trump supporter because his dna is 100% Caucasian According to these samples swabbed from his victim Pat always looks like he woke up in a filthy gutter. I'm not calling him a drunk. I'm just describing his wife's pussy That's okay. That's about my wife Is that it? Okay, that was it. Wow. Okay. I killed it. It did it did very well. They're still laughing right now in real time I thought I was gonna now you're feeling cocky now. I think I'm okay. So I said, okay I'm trying to pick and I said, okay. This is what I'm doing for round two. Okay, and then here we go I said David Feldman is a tireless feminist. Excuse me. He's a tiresome feminist in fact His fight against rape culture landed him on the national organization of women's lists top 10 men They would least want to be raped by Nothing in the room. Okay. Nothing not a goddamn I said, of course, David would never rape any woman which proves there's an upside to being weak slow and impotent A lot of people think that David Feldman's wife left him not true She was released after being granted clemency from the obama administration That died that I'm like what I don't I don't even get not keeping up with the news Well, he's letting go a lot of people. Yeah, and so I'm comparing being married to the prison Yeah, and I know you're a big obama That's the second joke. There's another joke you have that was a hat on a hat Oh, yeah, I was a hat on a hat which was much to my chagrin See dating's been hard for David Feldman because he's so liberal. He can't find a date on twitter. He only knows how to swipe left Funny jokes that you guys are not giving any credit. Well, I don't understand the liberal part Oh lefty. Yeah, and working and working me as a liberal I was I did I listen I lost I didn't know what the wisdom was to making fun of me for being a liberal. I got you Well, I think it's funny I mean independent of what anybody else thought Let me see here and then finally David Feldman was one of these guys. He's got hair plugs, but he's obviously not trying to hide it Meaning that they're bad plugs, right? Yeah, right. No, I said I like the hair. I feel like I'm roasting the David Feldman action figure That's great. That's good. And then I said, I don't know much about hair replacement But when you go in for it, I'm pretty sure the doctor shouldn't be holding a melon baller Okay, that's good now and then I had uh A comeback to the hair because I think I knew I was prepared. Sure. You should anticipate your I knew hair plugs He sort of like blew up my spot on the hair plugs, too He like mentioned it early on like, oh, you're gonna talk about my plugs and it's like, well, yeah I knew he was gonna go after me for being old Jewish and the hair transplants. I didn't anticipate the divorce I didn't but uh that surprised me. So my response had a Why didn't anticipate you compare my wife's pussy to a gutter? I'm like, how did you know? But uh my response my ad to live that I had prepared was the difference between you and my hair plugs is my plugs have been on network television Oh, wait, that reminds me now. I remember my comeback to your last joke about uh about my wife My wife's gutter pussy I said, uh, well at least I still got a wife And then uh I when when my that's right when the Martin Luther King joke didn't work. I had a saver that that helped I forgot I have this written down The Martin Luther King joke died in the first round and I said I called that joke a pat dixon because it doesn't work either So that was a comeback very well done. All right, but I killed you in the second round Oh after the second round each judge came onto the stage and kicked me in the balls Yes, it was uh, yeah, it wasn't good and and I also started screaming at the audience at that point too This is when I turned on the audience and I said fuck you to the judges. I said fuck all you people. You're wrong You don't know right and I just I told them they were all wrong and they that they had it They were figuring it wrong that they that they weren't that they were not laughing appropriately Right. It was great. Nice. Yeah, it was it was a lot of fun talking about you like playing the heel It was it was very professional wrestling ask, you know, right and and I kind of got lured it reminded me of every time I've done star search Or last comic standing Where I actually am stupid enough to think I'm gonna win Every time I get I always go, oh, I'm gonna win this. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna win this It looks like an easy coast to victory at that point. Yeah, all right round three Uh, who went first? I think you did wait We must have switched back to me going first because I went first No, no, I wanted to go first. Oh, you chose first. Yeah, okay So I said, uh pat, why do you now? I'm out of jokes now. Okay. Now. I gotta tell you firing blanks Dave Cyrus and David Taylor wrote me Hundreds of jokes right hunt and these are these guys make a living Roasting right writing roast jokes It was my job to pick 13 jokes Right, and you miscounted or what? No, and I always complain that the people I work for Don't pick the right jokes. Okay every comedy writer complains. I didn't pick the right joke. I didn't pick the right joke So all I had to do Was pick 13 good jokes, right, right. I didn't have to write them. I just had to pick them, right Didn't happen didn't happen. Okay Round two but round three. These were my round two jokes. I moved around through pat Why do you always look like a judge just told you you can't have your kids back? That's pretty good. It is pretty good, but it's you know, I can say that but it's also like the fourth pat looks Yes, but you're supposed to open with a look joke. Oh, okay in each round. Okay. That's conventional wisdom. Okay I said David Feldman supported Bernie Sanders. Obviously it makes sense. They both hate the 1% support universal health care And smell like old man balls Hey, simple. Okay to the point pat married his high school sweetheart back in Tennessee Isn't that sweet? He married the girl next door to his bedroom. Oh Yeah, Tennessee was kind of a uh, that's died. I think it was a bit of a uh, what do you call it telegraphed the incest joke? Yeah Died nobody got it, right? Yeah I think they did a white guilt Oh, let's see. David Feldman is the embodiment of white knighting white privilege and white guilt The one thing he's managed to avoid white success And then uh, this is I guess that's a separate joke. Okay, so we're gonna pat strokes often anger liberals But mostly because they're just waiting to pay him for their frappuccino and leak I mean like as a barista David Feldman is so filled with white guilt. He goes to he goes to pornhub and types in brown versus board of education That's awesome. It's a great joke. But you know what? We were going we you weren't really winning that Much by then it was totes. It was a that one that one was kind of a biggie They they were calling that joke of the night. Yeah, but we were right and then I said he and I think I tagged it So much white guilt his safe word is black lives matter Dangerous and then I said Pat's been falsely accused of being a rape Apologist that's unfair. He never apologized And then I said I tagged it with he never apologizes ask his nephews That the the tag got a laugh sure, but you know He's yeah, he said he said ask his nephews and I said, uh, you know, you can say that but they were into it Right, right and that got a bigger laugh, which yeah, which helped. Yeah, you stole my point Yeah It was brutal. Yeah, I said David Feldman's an even better comedian Then his frequent collaborator collaborator robert schmigel. I think a lot of people Know how to grab a punchline, but Feldman's really mastered how to grab a coattail It's a little inside. Yeah, I think I did well didn't do well. No And I knew I was running out of steam Okay, and I said pat recently got into some trouble over ridiculing someone for being retarded Pat said they were just jokes, but I think there's never an excuse for spousal abuse Okay, that's not a bad one. It's a hard way to get call his wife a retard. Sure sure, but I liked I like calling his wife a retard. Yeah. Yeah, she's she actually wrote that brown versus board of education jobs I'll give her credit credit where it's due and I think that I had another I think I might have closed with that other thing And I see the one that you were talking about there was a hat on the hat Here's a joke Yeah, we discussed it with remember your wife and I didn't like afterwards. We're talking. I said the joke doesn't work Yeah, because of this. Yeah, what is it as a Feldman? No, there's a women like Feldman Because they feel like he really gets them. In fact Many who've met him say it's almost like deep down David is a woman trapped in a man's corpse So you didn't get fooled by the hat on a hat Like like he didn't get caught up in that like get some what do you mean? I was that's just a way to get into it How did that go over? Not well not well at all. They didn't they It's uh was not well received. You know what it is. I have a very I won the electoral college. That's all that matters by a landslide the My theory about joke writing is one in one has to equal two not three And that joke is one in one equals three because you're calling me old and a woman Right. I'm not calling you old. I say he he uh that they feel The the mistake is saying that the women like you Because they they feel like you get them And then you think in the end he's gonna like somehow get them and that's the pump the funny part So it has a misdirect Right and I just say in fact Many who've met him say it's almost like deep down David is a is a woman trapped in a man's corpse Just meaning uh, you know You're you're very corpse-like, right? Yeah, so uh, you know the punch line with the explaining it is the punchline by it Is a state the punchline is almost A joke in and of itself It should be I guess the punchline is the whole joke. That's the problem I here's one I didn't do that David Feldman spends half his podcast shilling for amazon And then calls the ceo racist on twitter Which not only makes him a hypocrite it also makes him the world's shittiest jew I should have done that one. I didn't call the ceo racist. He's I just called him out for meeting with trump Oh, okay. Okay. All right. All right. I want to get to abuse because there's you know, we enjoy abuse, right? Oh, wait, and then in the end they they all said I won That was the way to All right, right. You are now you're five and oh, do you want to hear any of the any of the jokes? I didn't do I'd love to hear some that you didn't do I did I Pick I didn't pick didn't pick I said done. David Feldman is the lina dunham of annoying middle-aged men Already funny, right like lina. He's never had an abortion, but he did have a stillborn career Why don't we save these throughout the show when there's a lull you'll read one. Okay. I think we're having a lull Uh activists and writer jack monroe. I don't know who he is, but I'm sure his heart is in the right place Tweeted out some very popular Uh ideas about what constitutes abuse and it's very popular in social media right now and as you know, I'm a liberal And you're a liberal kevin bartini Sure And uh patikson, I believe what's the nazi would be the I didn't really resent that just because I had a bowel movement shaped like a swastika These are some Jack monrose edifying his twitter followers And uh, he says having survived several abusers in my short but colorful life I find them remarkably easy to recognize. It's a shame. They don't so here's our Rough guy to identifying a potentially harmful relationship and what to do about it. Okay Okay, so i'm gonna read you What constitutes abuse? Okay, and you can tell me whether or not this is Well, I'll read it now. Is he speaking in a romantic relationship or just any type of any type of relationship You have with another human father son father daughter employer employee husband wife husband husband wife wife Husband wife husband husband dog. We're getting there Prostitute and Feldman like those relationships. Gotcha. If somebody repeatedly blames you for things that are not your fault But insisting they are This is abusive Is that fair? Well, are the things your fault? Oh, it's saying if they aren't you find yourself blameless I mean like sometimes people think shit's not their fault when it really is I'm gonna say it's not abuse. What are you looking at on your phone? I'm looking at jack Monroe's wikipedia. Oh, who is he? He's uh born in 1988 Uh, uh, he's a writer journalist and activist campaigned over poverty poverty issues. Oh, that's good. Particularly hunger relief Oh, good. I said it's a man. Yeah, and and and and is he You know, what what what is his claim gender was assigned female at birth identifies as non-binary transgender And goes by singular they pronouns rather than he or she Okay, okay, so let's keep that in mind. Sure. You don't want to abuse this Abuse him I I apologize to my listeners. I love Pat Dixon. I do I can't help it. I love him. I do too. He's a great Uh, but do you disagree? Look at this. Let's see the picture Don't say don't say the answer. I have to make a note. Alex We're gonna have to bleep the f word That means I can say it all I want Thank you for having me David I want to say I your your your patience and tolerance for me is well, you're fun touching you're funny And it's and the fact that you're undefeated in the rose petals and the fact that you beat me right I mean I hate I mean, it's just that's my bread and butter. I've been writing on the comedy central rose I write for try Jeff Ross and I and I and I had two guys To ringers, yeah writing my stuff and you beat me Yeah, it was almost like like like say if I was running for president and the democrats were against me and the republicans The press were against me and I still managed to become president Very similar. What are you saying it was fixed the rose battle was fixed Yeah, saying the russians might have been in on If someone repeatedly tries to make you feel ashamed of yourself Your looks your characteristics, etc. This is abusive Uh Well, I guess the key word now is repeatedly Yeah, yeah, so But we just did right to once we didn't repeatedly do it. We did it once but with the rose battle That's abusive. We are abusing each other. Well, that's by choice Your that's why you don't get charged with assault if you're in the boxing ring because you've chosen to be there That's very interesting. It's a good analogy. Yeah, and why is it What's interesting the rules of this rose battle inelio who runs you turn into andy rooney there Why is it? Sorry, why do they call it a pussy? Doesn't crap in a box Well Um You and I Like each other pat Dixon. We respect one another. Yeah I was actually happy for you that you won Afterwards it there's something cleansing about it. Yeah Yeah, I loved it, but it's abusing one another, right? I I I think that bartini Remarkably Had a really good analogy there the it is since it's like blood sport. It's uh, it's it's just all allowed And I think though and and I'll tell you something else I've had opportunities to rose other people that I've turned down You know and they've offered me an enormous amount of money Same as what we made that night And I wouldn't do it because I didn't I didn't have a genuine affinity for the person And I can't do it with anybody that I don't have some affinity And what does it say about taking enjoying getting the hit? Because I think boxers Like getting hit Yeah, I don't think it hurt. That's one of the things that I've learned to understand about boxing, which I'm unfortunately kind of into Uh, why is that unfortunate? Well, it's it's a bad sport barbaric. Yeah Uh But I think well, maybe I don't know that Anybody particularly likes getting hit but a good boxer has seasoned themselves to it in the same way That the three of us at the table having Probably a combined 50 years in stand-up if we if we tank It doesn't hurt us as much as the new jack guy who thinks it's the end of the world We're just you're used to a joke not working and you don't feel good Doesn't feel good, but you don't necessarily carry that with you for two weeks, right? It's always fun. Felton's got 48 years That was just my set I think bombing feels good. Yeah. I yeah Right because you've been doing it for so long, but sometimes it feels good. It's like a sauna when you were in it for the first Six months and you bombed you're ready to kill yourself, right at the very beginning I was ready to kill myself before I started doing stand-up. He hated it so much. He became a clown Yeah, briefly. Yeah, but three years out of desperation Uh, so I I think that's flattering when you hear a roast joke about yourself A really well-written roast joke that's accurate and kind of like hits it like that alcoholic thing Yeah, but you have to go for you gotta the rule is you got to be a bully and that is you got to punch down Yeah, and you got to find the thing that you think is going to hurt his feelings Yeah, I see I never took it that way. I was always going for the laugh All right, so let me ask you the day or two after was there any one joke that left you smarting like You know like the next day you were thinking of I would say I would say the weakest thing I'm Insecure about It's probably the hair transplants because I spend so much time and money Trying to get them right And the old stuff. Yeah, I didn't I didn't brood about it, but it is the kind of thing where You you do filter certain things through Certain things. Is this because I'm old or is this because of blah blah blah So I that had a minor residual not because of you, but it's just I go. Yeah, I am kind of old and I do have hair transplants There's a guy named Jim goat who uh, who's once He's a friend of this other guy. I know so I think it's gavin mckinnis who told me this he said, uh Jim you're not gonna believe what they're saying about me because they're saying you wear hair plugs That you beat your wife. He was in a text and and and go text it back Such as the fate of a man who has hair plugs and beats his wife So That is so much smarter than what I I thought he was just gonna say I don't hair plugs, right Right, that was right. I think everybody was that whenever I had an old joke for you I always tried to frame it in terms of you being accomplished Experienced and knowing a lot of stuff, you know what I mean because I think that uh, in a way you're paying tribute to somebody You know and for me, there's nothing more respectable than a long career in comedy Where you don't have to you know wash dishes like like I have almost had to do I think that was the mistake I made and and two nights ago. I was judging Is it yamanique? Yamanica yamanica yummy. She was one of the judges and she's delicious. I love her and she is uh But she does this she'll pray as a judge. She'll praise everybody And I as a judge just went right for the jugular I went for the jugular with you. I didn't say anything nice about you. I think that was a mistake Well, it becomes an element of the setup and it it definitely gives it a harder twist Yeah, because you're drawing them in and then going pow. You know, yeah, and I and I didn't quite I went right for If somebody talks to you like you're a child patronizes you or dismisses your opinion This is abusive Well, so then every child is abused. Yeah This dude was also born in 1988. He's a fucking child still, right? He's like, how long has he not been a child? Well, he's transitioning to an adult I'm sorry, you mean they is transitioning to an adult Very interesting. Yeah, it's it can be I wouldn't be able to I don't think you can categorically say that these things are necessarily Sometimes my wife talks to me like a child. Granted. I'm wearing a diaper If somebody talks to you like a child And dismisses your opinion, this is abusive I don't think so. I don't think that is if they any of these things if somebody does it On the regular well, then that becomes abuse again and again, but god bless this guy because he's a raw nerve I mean, I think if you're a raw nerve and I it's not me. It's them. I I I know When somebody's abused I I'm not dismissing this. Yeah, he it's and this is important stuff and it's very easy to dismiss it and And I'm just dealing there's somebody in my life Who just no matter what I say It's just like you're out of line. You're out of line. I'm thinking well if everything is out of line, then you're out of line Yeah, this whole core of out of line if somebody makes you feel you need to be with them And resents you spending time with others This is abusive. I thought that would be love. That's codependent. I would say there's love You need to be with me And how dare you leave trying to get out of the cage Yeah, well others is so vague. Is this your ex that you want to spend time with is this a future What is spending time with them? Is it uh, are you talking about getting ice cream? Are you talking about Shopping or are you talking about going away for the weekend? I resent you doing that I thought we were kind of monogamous together and and uh, yeah Also, you know, you could also just say Hey, uh When you speak to me like a child and just bypass and and dismiss everything I say That feels bad. Will you stop doing that right and I think that One problem that most people have is the inability to do that Effectively, you know to just tell people like hey, I would like for you to not do that because it makes me feel like this Yeah, and not to point right here's that wall we were talking about no no no it's interesting and and I Don't want to trivialize jack monroe, and I think this is valuable information Well, I think I think jack monroe has spent You know from what we've learned of him on wikipedia Has spent his whole life being bullied and abused and he's the weakling and so That being said that forms his opinion in the same way that if you live if you're a hammer They say everything in the world is a nail to you right right? So it's the same thing if you have he's he's the guy Who's already had skin cancer and now never leaves the house without an umbrella and three layers over him to Protect him because everything is harmful uv rays with to the rest of us. It's not just a little bit of a tan I guess monroe was a secret hammer though. He's a secret hammer because he's using this as power This is this is the way the left-wields power is through constant victimization I will give you some Time to talk about that as the host of this liberal fartfest no, okay you know for instance If Consider women right the way that they achieved a lot of what they have is by pointing out their victim hood right And even when things start to equal up They have to find new ways to be victimized and I think that that holds true for uh For many groups and and and it's gotten to a point now where white people Are so angry that they can't be victimized just based on their race That's why you see so many young white people college students, etc Who are like identifying with black lives matter identifying with uh, you know, uh, the Like a transsexual you know group or something There's like and and pointing out all the wrongs that are going on and now the ultimate the trump victory They can say i'm so upset. I can't even go outside And it's because they just long for victim hood so much and now the best thing has happened trump is president Constant victim hood. It's heaven for them. Let me again. I have most of my liberals are listeners and Especially the dyslexics. It's a pressure and a privilege Uh, this is where I stand on this stuff because I've been wrestling with this Uh pretty a lot I believe in the 99 percent that's my Goal my goal is to filter everything through economic oppression How do you create jobs for 99 percent of americans? So they have a sense of dignity and self-worth Stop immigration. Well, okay, whatever once once we agree That that's the goal Uh, I think we can pick off more republicans and bring them over the democratic party That's my goal is to is to get a democrat elected president and to get a democratic house and senate and to move forward a progressive agenda One of the problems Even though hillary one Is there is the white male? It's exactly what pat dixon is talking about It's why reagan got elected in 80 There was a a black lash a backlash to the civil rights movement where white people felt threatened I don't want to dignify the racism and the fear but you cannot Deny that it exists and as president obama has pointed out you have to understand Where it's coming from It's pretty heinous though It's heinous But if you want the white man's vote You got to figure out what's bothering him and what's bothering him is he doesn't have a job And that's why people who voted for bernie Voted for trump Yeah Well, I don't agree with a lot of that. Uh, you don't agree. I agree with the platitudes that you have there But uh, but not all the uh, but not necessarily the spirit behind it and I'll just log. I'll I'll I'll lodge that And just let that sit because it sounds as if uh You're very convicted and all that and and I certainly don't want to uh Confront you on matters of racism on your own show Well, but but I uh to me it's not uh that serious of a discussion. It's uh I don't take it. I look hey I mean to say that there isn't racism would be ridiculous And I don't think it's an all or nothing thing What I was saying was that uh People achieve things through victimhood sometimes and I think people uh Ongoing will will always do that to the best of their ability and I'm talking about everybody So, um, yeah, I here's the difference between you and me I Do think there are a lot of people Who are professional victims not groups of people not races? I think there are people who are very comfortable playing the victim That's that's an anecdotal experience that should not translate into the political sphere because there are certain groups of people that are victims If you're an african-american, you are a member of a protected class if you're well, that isn't true They're not a member of a protected class. You are in terms of According to federal law Hey crimes can apply to anybody right even white people were learning Yes, but you're black if black people are a protected class So are gay people. So are women White men are not a protected class federal law. Are you talking about? Well, uh Talking to like affirmative action is discrimination Job discrimination employment discrimination the ooec There are certain groups that are classified as protected white men are not but they are if they're gay But they're not men See you're really not that liberal. No, I'm just gonna be fun. You are you are really straining to make that happen all the time I tell you you haven't you just said they weren't men. I'm making a joke. I know but that's all I do But anyway, uh, but they are so so point taken though that like they're a protected class as gay Right. So there what I'm saying is when you talk about professional victim hood I've been in relationships where This person is a professional victim It not because She's in a wheelchair and she can't run away from me She's just into being a victim. Yeah, but people who are in a wheelchair are victims Have it there are people there are classes of people who Have every right to play the victims. Well, some people are in a wheelchair who drove drunk and then ran over a kid You know, okay And so it's hard to generalize. I agree with you. What do you think is the common denominator? In every it's it's it is the lack of jobs the lack of financial security and historically Fascism bubbles up whenever people Can't provide for themselves And trump is a fascist. I that that's not only ridiculous, but you're so much smarter than that Well, that's the democratic party is so much closer to fascism. They control the press They work hand-in-hand with the press. This is demonstrated. It's a demonstrable. It's a demonstrable thing. Yes How's that demonstrable? Well, okay. How about cnn feeding the dnc, uh, collect questions on the brazil? Yeah, that's she's not officially she works versus she works for the democratic national Head of the democratic national committee committee. She was a sell within Well, she still had to that's not the official doctrine of cnn to but she had to resign And i'm not saying so she resigned to see it So if they were if it was a right wing if it was a left-wing conspiracy, they would have Kept her right. Well, the only thing was that they found out. Well, otherwise I would see it and also hired trump staffers. Yeah as commentators We we've just seen nbc feeding questions feeding questions to a candidate and and as the press ever said anything Even remotely positive about donald trump not once There's no way that that everything he does is bad. It's impossible. It's a mathematical impossibility I don't want to get into an argument with you because you're a racist a bigot And an anti-semite and uh, the fact and those are my good points. Yeah, and all they did was give trump All they did was give trump Stage time to the exclusion of everybody else. Please All right, I guess no, I guess there's no such thing as bad press. Let me ask you. What is your Passion when you look at When you want to change the world killing black children, obviously Don't come on the the mayor of fling michigan ladies a lot of people think That if you like trump your racist, what if you could wave a magic wand When you dress up like i would like to see race relations improve That do you think that's the biggest problem facing this country? I think it's one very enormous problem I think that there's a host of problems. But what is the single biggest problem? That we should solve in this country. Well, I mean, you know, I can't disagree with you jobs is very important What is the single biggest problem? It's jobs work money You know, probably well, right? I think that we're gonna see a lot of growth. Okay, but but do we agree? Do we agree? Okay, let's say we do. Let's say we do but let me just establish a baseline here about jobs Let me just yeah that if we agree that the most important thing is women white men transgender people Hispanics They all have jobs And can provide for their families and themselves And have dignity from their work And be paid a livable wage Do you think that's the most important thing? That people can feed clothes Clothes and house themselves. Do you think that's the most important? I think I don't have to say any jobs Yeah, I think that's the most important thing. So so basic survival. So if trump There's a lot of let's talk about that forget trump. I don't get to because I because I want to get past You don't want to hear that point. He's going to do that. I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about He's already done. He's not even present. Let's talk about the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Do you agree that everybody should have jobs and health care? No matter what? Do I believe everybody should have health care? You mean be able to go to a doctor when they need one and not have to pay for it Well, I think we should pay for everybody's health care in this country. Uh, I think that, uh I think that there should be something in place So that people can do that I don't like what's happening now. I don't think that that's fair. Do you think that in in like every other european country? As flawed as socialized medicine is the same way democracy and we should give it a try as flawed We should have socialized medicine in this country with the waste with the fraud Because every child every senior citizen every american Should not want for health care. I believe that That is The most important thing First then jobs do you believe health care is more important? Yeah I believe that everybody should be allowed to see a doctor a dentist an eye doctor for free Hmm. Well, that's interesting that you say that I I believe that that the the number one way for us to come together as a community Is to provide health care for everybody and police And police. Yeah, we need police and the fire department and a fire department Do we agree on that? Do we need a police on a fire department? Yes, do you do you believe that doctors are as important as police? Sure, I guess they're they're nearly as important I wouldn't say they're all together who's more important in your in your society a doctor or a police officer I think happen to think a police officer Is not as important as a doctor because you're going to need a doctor after the police officer shoots you for if you Yeah, sure if you take out um If you take out the cops Right. Yeah Then you're gonna need that doctor real fucking soon or if you're black you're gonna need the doctor if you have the couch Yeah, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that at all. Okay So you're white people killed by cops then then blacks more white people are killed by cops And black statistically the washington post is keeping track of that for two years. You got it right and per capita black men per capita Yeah, in terms of what percentage of the population black men Are more likely to be shot than white men By a cop. Did you know a cop is more likely to be shot by a black man? Then a black man has to be shot by a cop Well, if you can back that up It's a statistic. I'm talking about your ass Back that out. Thank god you say shit like that, davis No, that's what my life the washington post has been keeping track for the past two And by the way, my listeners always get pissed off at me when I have you on the show. They say that I don't fight back Well, you're fighting back today. Thank you. Tell my listeners He's fighting back. All right. What's it? So what pat dixon? What's more important? The police or doctors? I say doctors are more important I think that it's like it's like saying what's more important an arm and or a leg Are you running a marathon or are you playing poker a leg? It will stop me from masturbating You don't masturbate with your feet That's an old hotel thing. He said he used to masturbate with his feet. It was a context of a joke. I have athletes cock Unfortunately that athlete is bruce Jenner No offense jack Monroe I read That was great by the way. No, this is a this is a value. I love having you on the show. Thank you despite All the complaints that i'm gonna get because I have to have you on the show I I'd love being on it's it's uh, here's my question. Okay. I'm and kevin bartina. You're a liberal, right? I mean i'm closer to a liberal than a conservative, but okay I read somewhere that the inherent difference between liberals and conservatives is the following. Okay And let me ask you if you agree with this Liberals believe That humans are basically good Conservatives believe that humans are basically bad Is that a fair division? Uh, well not being one or the other. Uh, I think it's It's kind of simplistic. I don't So it's basically saying liberals are pessimists and conservative or liberals are optimists and conservatives are pessimists really and they just see the worst uh No, I think liberals see Don't think that everybody is Born good or necessarily good. I think they see people who disagree with them is bad in a lot of ways I don't know that I agree with that statement. Pat Dixon. Oh, I think that uh, I think liberals don't believe everybody's good Yeah, I don't think that that's true. I think that they think that white men are bad I hear that a lot I hear liberal people saying they want the death to white people and stuff like that white genocide can be called for it It's not a big deal. Uh, it's uh, I you hear these things And and uh, we're hearing hearing apologists for who do you hear white genocide? Oh, I mean college campuses And shit like that and people cover that and you and I mean Look, if you doubt it go to youtube white genocide Yeah, I'll be glad when all these old white men die I mean, I see things like this on twitter or facebook and stuff like that I'm not saying a reputable source at this. I'm not saying it was like from you know, you know the national organization of I I have but I do believe conservatives evaluate They believe on evaluating on an individual basis I think that conservatives believe more strongly in the individual than they do the group and I think And then you group them all I just don't agree with that and I think that uh identity politics Is is really a liberal thing and that's where you group all the black people together I will as as a guest on my show. I I think I have to talk to conservatives And people are I'm gonna get so many angry letters. Oh, yeah People do not want to hear The other side and I always think well, it's interesting to find out why people think Or feel I always say conservatives don't think they feel Look at the grimace So you you don't think people Well, so answer the question or maybe I didn't listen. Oh, right. Probably didn't listen You don't break it down. You don't think people are inherently bad Of course, I don't think people are nearly bad No, I don't think they're inherently good Look, I don't think that you can say one way or the other that people are inherently bad or inherently good There's good people. There's bad people and and that's just the way it is. It's like, uh, it's kind of ridiculous I think the major difference between Uh liberals and conservatives could be summed up as following like say say there's say there's a shooting a black Man is shot by a police officer Uh, here's the here's what a liberal wants to know what town did happen in What was the guy's name so I know what to chant? And uh, maybe the really smart ones want to know what he was doing when he got pulled over Conservatives want to know what kind of gun was it? Uh, what was the situation? Was it they want to know all the details, you know, they only really look at it Look at the video and figure it out on an individual basis before making their decision It's investigate prior to making a decision And liberal people go well the cops shot him cops are bad And black people are good and so therefore Everything is uh, it's it's already worked out. Okay. All right, but if that was if that is that's a generalization Generalization is true. Then why have I've never heard after a shooting like that a conservative come out and say Okay on this this one the black guy didn't have it coming. I never hear that I never hear them say Oh, I think they were wrong and that oh, I certainly am Yeah, guys who are south carolina. That was ridiculous charles on because we're sorry. We have other stuff to go But I do I strongly urge you to read the washington post the federal government does not keep track of police shootings Amazingly enough. Okay, they do not keep track of local police officers shooting civilians The washington post has had a two-year study that they're continuing and I strongly urge you to Read the study conducted by the washington post and you will find that a preponderance of victims Are black men they that overly represented and and that white men Are less likely to be shot by a cop is so is it fair then uh to Call out statistics in terms of race like which is what you've just done Black men are also convicted arrested more often And they resist arrest more often and they're convicted of more violent crimes Well, that so if they say that that they buy statistics Commit more crimes. They are obviously encountering police a lot more which Sort of fucks up that whole narrative, you know what I mean? It's not like they're hunting black people. That's ridiculous Well, they but that is these are officers who give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to black children hispanic children on the playground I don't I mean they do nobody serve the whole community. No, they don't of course Just because you say of course they do doesn't make it true Statistically because it is no no there is a gym crow. There's a new gym crow And it dates back to reconstruction. I was kind of happy with the old gym crow. Okay In that the police do not serve the black community the same way They do the white community and you can look up the statistics black men for the same crime Are like three times as more likely to go to prison Then play out the way a white person does that's just that's undeniable Does that take into account prior arrest prior convictions criminal record things like that white men and black men Get arrested at a different rate that police are more likely To arrest A black man for a misdemeanor than they are a white man That's likely to are more likely to arrest a black man For a misdemeanor than they will A white man that the police are a constant presence In the black community and a constant source of violence And arrest 40 percent. I just read a study. I wish I had this article in front of me Then we have to move on if they're if they're a constant presence because more crime happens there Hang on for one second 40 percent of black people Say they would not call the cops When there's been some kind of disturbance because The cops will create more problems Then They will solve them That's what that's like as you said we're moving on and it's a very long discussion Who is more likely to if uh, one of your listeners sent me some FBI stats When I was on your show They couldn't wait to tell me that more people more black men are killed by other black men. They showed me the statistic That's common knowledge. That's common knowledge And what they didn't point out is that white men are more likely to be killed by white men People tend to kill along racial lines. Yeah, they tend to kill among their own. Yes, right So that so I said to this listener of yours. I said, so are you suggesting that black people are more violent? And he said yes, but I can't argue for this listener. I have nothing to do with that And I said, but then how do you? More white men kill white men Aren't white men more racist? They're more violent. Anyway, we have to we we're this is always good The city of chicago is dying people Read a book and since you recommended something for me, I'll recommend something for you the war on cops by heather mcdonald How many cops die each year? She's a fellow. How many cops die? She's a fellow at the manhattan institute Yes, and uh, the book is very well researched very well written and I think you'll enjoy it I interviewed her on my show new york city crime report. It's on the compound media network and heather mcdonald is a Very wise And learned woman and uh, and I think that she could put a lot of this in perspective for me Or I don't know. I think it's about like 120 a year Okay, and I don't know 120 a year, uh, and it's gone up unfortunately Uh, and how many americans are killed by cops? I don't know. Here's my answer to your question Fuck the police coming straight from the underground a young brother got a bag as a brown I I we need the police. We also need doctors Uh president obama President obama Is wrapping up. He's going to deliver his farewell speech tonight tuesday Uh, a lot of great accomplishments one of which is terrorism in america There have been eight terrorist attacks Since president obama. This is from the washington post paddixon. How first of all, how are they defining terrorist attacks? But this is a corner of a new york place. What are you looking up? I'm just looking on my phone for a second. Are you checking my stats? I lead the league and Runs batted in eight terrorist attacks. What is the common denominator here? This is from the washington post because he says obama hasn't kept us safe I think obama has But here here the other than starting isis. Yeah, okay Uh are helping them start. Okay 2009 abdulakim muhammad opened fire on an army recruiting office in little rock arkansas. He was trained by al-qaeda Okay, november of 2009 army major nadal hassan opened fire on fellow soldiers at ford hood texas. He killed 13 Uh There's some some obama said it was workplace violence, but he even though hassan had contact with an al-qaeda Leader and he praised Allah. It seems kind of like an agenda to me, but my agenda. No obama's agenda I'm just going over. These are the terrorists. Just pointing that out. Okay, september of 2012 terrorists with al-qaeda In in the maghreb attack the u.s. Consulate in Benghazi. We know about that Uh, I haven't heard about that. I know at Benghazi. I'll talk to you about it later. Apparently it was hillary's fault libya happened in april of 2013 The brothers that was the one that was caused by the movie. Yes. Chechnya. They exploded a pressure cooker at the boston marathon Uh killing three and wounding 260 Uh, may have casserole all over the place Eight terrorist attacks and so far two blockbuster movies have come out of it 2015 of may isis directed muslims nadir sufi and elton simpson Elton simpson. Yes elton simpson opened fire on the great running back for the rams in the 17 garland for years they They opened fire on the curtis Cullwell center in garland, texas shooting a security guard before police took them down Uh, july 15th. Muhammad abdulaziz opened fire on a military recruiting center In chattanooga, tennessee your hometown. Yeah, that's right And he shot he shot to death four marines in the sailor And on december 15 before they could walk into a bar 2015 uh in december of 2015 syed furuk and tashin malik a married pakistani couple Stormed a san bernadino county government building with combat gear and rifles. It wasn't nice to do that But she's a stone cold fox and opened fire on about 80 employees who were enjoying a christmas party They killed 14 and pledged their loyalty to isis by the way, they had to look up the leader of isis on google That's true. They found that later their google search contained who is the leader of isis bagdadi I guess that's what they found out. Okay, so uh all in all Not bad Compared to george w bush. Well, you're leaving out one the The guy who opened fire on the cops in dalas, right? Okay, this is only muslim terrorists is all you've listed the isis and and yeah, it has to be muslim Oh, I didn't know had to be muslim. Well, it's not terrorism if it's The the shooting that happened in fort lauderdale at the airport. We're not sure if that's terrorism yet, right well He said that he had voices in his head Telling him uh that it was uh that he did to serve isis. So I would say that's sort of an assist Okay, yeah, but I'm terrorist adjacent at least exactly I think that it's terrorism if you shoot cops if you open fire in cops That's that's I think that's terrible. What's the common domestic terror? What's the common denominator? Well, you're killing guns to serve to serve a cause Mm-hmm Well, what's what's the what's the one thing that seems to be except for baby Benghazi? Because that was not taking place in the united states and except for the pressure cooker Guns yeah, yeah, oh, okay So If there is a threat from isis What do you think would be one of the most effective ways To keep this country safe I don't know. What do you think? What do you think I think What do you think I think you think I think you think you think you know you what I think Guns there's a problem with guns in this country, right? Oh, sure. Absolutely. Wow, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous What is the problem with them? Well, the terrorists use them. Yes. Oh, I guess we got to go ahead and outlaw pressure cookers, too Well, I just go ahead and take them off the market. That was the outlier. I know you call it the outlier But uh, what I'm saying is if you can use something as a weapon Then it's a weapon You know just because guns happen to be a really good weapon Well, we're the good guys that doesn't mean that they're wrong. Where's the good guy with the pressure cooker stopping a bad guy? Where's the good guy with the guns all the more reason to take him off the market Well, look what happened in fort lauderdale. They serve no good. We had a good guy with a gun He shot the bad guy with the gun, right? No, what what are you talking yesterday in the airport? Yeah, like an arrest shot and he he shot he shot literally shot Every bullet he had and then laid down and waited to be arrested. I heard shots were fired at him No, no cops they he laid on from what I heard He laid on the ground for like a full like 90 seconds before any cops got there after he had spent every bullet He had reloaded like four times shot as much as he could and then just laid there waiting to be taken Yeah peacefully. That's that's an unusual attack. Yeah Usually they're like, uh, they want to go down for a la right so I don't think that that's really uh I think you know guys full of shit as far as that goes. No voices in his head services. Yeah President obama says goodbye. We're going to say goodbye. But before uh, we leave I happen to think president obama considering the The shit that was put on his plate health care reform The stimulus package wall street reform ended the war in iraq Created isis doesn't get any which is no small thing. He didn't create Isis began just baited almost out of afghanistan killed bin laden turned around detroit Stress tests for the banks Gaze in the military Reverse torture Is destroying private colleges Kick banks out of the federal student loan program Repa rulings going after coal expanding wilderness and watershed protection Just uh given how sick and diseased This country is that he was able to use the stimulus bill to invest heavily in renewable technology cracking down on for profit colleges Getting rid of most importantly Private prisons the federal government is no longer using private prisons Expanded hate crime protections ushered in stem cell research. Nobody mentioned that. That was like the first thing he did Yep, because bush wouldn't do it Uh, david felman was with the same woman for 31 years He describes his divorce as staring into the abyss great. You finally know what it's like to listen to your podcast Please you'll come back I'd love to come back. Thank you Address all your complaints listeners They get so pissed off at pat. Yeah, they do and they always say I don't stand up to them And I didn't I stand up to him, right? Yes. Yeah, I mean my guests. I can't club them on the head I was very uncomfortable for 20 minutes. It was good. Do I stand up to you? Look, I don't think there's any question where you stand at any time And I think that it's a mark of it's a sign of your sophistication your manners and your respect Uh, they that you allow me to do the show and to talk and hey listeners Listen, you're great. Keep listening and uh, you know, sorry I'm not a A bad person. I don't think yeah, I mean First of all, we're a little podcast and Oh, no, no, no, we're not I'm not gonna have conservatives on this show Because you can go hear what conservatives think someplace else. This is a liberal progressive show Pat's on because he's funny Yeah, that's a funny comedian comedians should not try to be pundits. That's true. And you don't give a shit Why would I and that's why you're a conservative? You don't give a shit That's the beauty of being a conservative because you can laugh at anything It's a it's a good. Uh, yeah, it's a good philosophy to not give a shit to yeah, but you don't give a shit You really don't and that's why you beat me in the roast battle because i'm earnest and worrying about Everybody and trying to be likable. You don't give a shit Hey, you know Sometimes you have to care enough not to care You know and by the way, can I just say I like what you got on today. Everything. It was very nice I like the way you roll your sleeves inward. I've never seen anybody do that before you're true individual Thank you. You look like you're working a blockbuster That was nice See and he's taught me how to roast right he learned me Set you up got a nice smile on you and then boom. Yeah, that's a good All right. Let me just take care of a couple things. We're going to wrap it up We do this show twice a week. It's every tuesday and every friday We have a new episode every tuesday and every friday. We have a youtube channel where we are posting audio And i'm interested in my youtube channel. I'd like to grow it out It's just audio, but I think it's a good way for things to go viral So we only get like 40 views on youtube because it's audio So if you're out there listening and you want to be a part of team feldo There are many ways to help me out One is you could send me a billion dollars and then i'll shut up to send me a billion dollars I promise you i'll go away another way is to Become a monthly subscriber and you get access to our premium content. It's only five dollars Another way is to do all your amazon shopping via the david feldman show website Another way is just go to the david feldman show website because we have google ads so The more people who go to the website The more pennies and I do mean pennies you get from google, but it You know from a mighty acorn Comes a little oak. It's all about income streams. It's income streams from an acorn comes Squirrel poop Has anybody ever said that I think it's yours. Yeah from an acorn comes squirrel poop So if you want to join team feldo, there are many unless i'm calling a team feldo Uh, and also I so if you want to help And you know audio visual stuff like powerpoint Or you know final cut or premiere or whatever video editing thing you have If you take the mp3 of this show or any show and drag it into your video editor and add visuals As long as they're not pornographic And violent. Can you imagine porn to this conversation? Okay, somebody please Wait now could porn help you can upload pictures to porn, right? I think you need to yeah I think you'd probably need to put that on vimeo though Okay, that's a great idea pat. Okay, so Okay, so here's what I want if you want to do this if you have access to youtube If you have access to a video editor upload the audio and add legitimate video images so people can Watch something while they're listening There's probably one guy and I think I know who it is if you want to Take my audio and add porn. Yeah, do it. Please public domain Do me a favor and add some audio and porn and Put it up on porn hub and I will promote it. That'll be very funny. And if you use your youtube channel and you edit the audio and video together I will send it out and we'll appreciate it from the show brisk studios in downtown Manhattan. That'll do it for us