 Hello there lovers and friends today. I'm joined by my lover and my friend mr. Jared Brady and we're talking about what do you do in relationships where you get water all over me oh my bad sorry okay all right let's start again can you get it out we can just pick it back up like we just a little bit of water that I spilled it's a little bit of film like we can you know I know but we have to refocus the camera we're already set I know that's why I'm saying let's just continue going is it that hard you're not even sorry we all know how important it is to feel loved in romantic relationships but it's not until someone is either crying or screaming that we recall how crucial it is to feel understood and a part of understanding our partners is knowing when we've f***ed up when we've hurt them whether that was intentional or not and unfortunately saying sorry is often not enough because if it were all arguments would end here oh my bad sorry you know in disagreements when one person is like what do you want me to say I already said I was sorry and the other person is like no actually you did it what they're really saying is you didn't speak my apology language you didn't say sorry in a way that makes me feel resolved and since they are the one who's been slighted they're the one who gets to call the shots apology languages are a genius way of thinking about conflict resolution and it was created by the same minds behind the five love languages now knowing what your partner's specific apology languages can turn this oh man it's so crazy run it to you man good to see you you have a good one once again you didn't introduce me no I mean I'm sorry I look we had we caught him in the moment we're talking just next time introduce yourself next time introduce myself into this come on man like it's so embarrassing yeah I know I dropped the ball I'm sorry you tell me this all the time I'm working on it I'm sorry the five different apology languages are expressing regret genuinely repenting accepting responsibility I dropped the ball I'm sorry as you tell me this all the time I'm working on it making restitution and requesting forgiveness what is so important to note that when it comes to apology languages hell even love languages or turn on triggers any of these quizzes that we are going to be doing yes naturally all of us like all of these things which of us would not like a partner who expresses regret makes restitution and accepts responsibility but what we're trying to do with these quizzes is give our partners a point of clarity we are building a foundation to say this is the bare minimum this is the most important thing to me and then yes we can go on to nuances after that try to think about it like a roadmap you're giving somebody a map who's never successfully been somewhere before and saying here's how you get from a conflict to be resolution now once they get good at this route can you say stop a Chipotle on the way absolutely so that is what you are doing when you give someone your apology language or your love language or your turn on trigger you are giving this person the foundation you are essentially giving them the cheat code for how to get you out of your emotions and into the moment how you can stop making the conflict so explosive and now it can become productive so for example I know in my relationship that Jared requires for me to accept responsibility if he brings up a slight and the first thing that I do is say that I'm sorry but then go but this morning you did I've just added an extra hour on to the disagreement and now his emotions are even more heightened the best thing I can do if I want the conflict to become constructive is to accept responsibility and say my bad I completely dropped the ball I should have not have done that like you're right and maybe 20 minutes later I can get to the whole nuances of what happened this morning as to why I acted that way but I know the first thing that he requires is for me to accept responsibility my apology language is making restitution and I mean it like in the most literal way like if you break my watch offer to fix it if I'm out with Jared and I'm like I feel like you're being really distant I don't really feel connected to you what I'm really saying is can we make out right the second and once we do that we can move on to the other again more constructive side of conflict resolution and so knowing someone's apology language is not about breezing past things it's not about making the argument as quick as possible because I do think that conflict can be a really healthy part of relationship and an opportunity for people to get to know each other better but you want to get your partner out of fight or flight mode you want to get them out of you versus me mode and I think knowing someone's apology language is an awesome way to accomplish that I'm making it my personal mission to turn all of you into relationship experts I believe that every single person on this planet deserves access to the tools to create the kinds of relationships romantic or not that they actually desire and that is what my book the game of desire five surprising secrets to dating with dominance is all about when you get the book you get to read about the true and sometimes truly turbulent story of how I took six awesome but chronically single women through my five phase program in hopes of making them all their own dating experts well today I want to start this program with you as well and the first of the five secrets is no you got to know yourself inside and out you got to know who you are and who you're not and to help you accomplish this I am gifting you all with myself summary workbook no strings attached it is comprised of my absolute favorite quizzes like the apology language personality assessments and activities that I have collected throughout my 10 plus years of being obsessed with intimacy and now you can find all of these things in one solid place and when you complete this workbook I promise you you will be in a position to transform not just your romantic relationships but your relationships with everyone overall and best of all when you do complete it I have an extra surprise just for you okay so you have your homework go ahead and go do that before you leave just for fun in the comment section below I would love to know what was your last argument about I'm not a good actor you know this I understand that but it's it's freaking water yo it's water who says that it's felt natural shit y'all that's the garbage truck you see I'm saying this is why I don't even like doing videos with you because you always had to like you always got to like bring it into you're a bad actor I'm a character what if you were sorry to get it let's move on if you were what I need is you to take a break and get a towel and we can move on from this you better fucking yeah no I'm not getting the towel