 All right, this is Miriam writes question hi, and thank you when you speak of holding off sex Are you specifically referring to penis and vagina only? What about other forms of sex? What about kissing great question? So anyone who knows dr. Pat Allen would say Make sure that the penis can't go into any of the holes Um So I'm certainly a big proponent of PDA and kissing. I think that's a good start Okay, I think as you build trust with someone you can move up to the levels of second base third base and home runs Look at I'm really trying to encourage a slowing down process This this process now has been so amped up that it used to be when I first started dating after my divorce It was called the three-day rule base three date rule. Excuse me. If you weren't laid by the third date You weren't gonna get a fourth date That's certainly better than it was back in my day when we used to just get drunk and try to have sex on the When you're at a bar with someone But I'm here. I did a blog once called the ten date rule And what that means is if a man invests ten dates in you at least he's more likely to be around the long run So really getting somewhere between the six seventh eight ninth and tenth date. I'm not saying you have to have sex I'm saying here vet the motherfucker because I'm not there with the shotgun at pointing at his nose and saying What are your intentions with my sister? So I'm here to say Okay sex is basically free. There's no Barely do you need commitment? Do you know any women I speak to? Who have had who have been in a relay? They've been with somebody for five months and they've never discussed monogamy and exclusivity think about that five months They haven't discussed monogamy exclusivity, but they're fucking each other on a regular basis. I mean, I Don't know. Maybe I'm a puritan. Maybe I don't maybe I'm not designed for this Generation anymore. I'm not away. I'm guilty of this so I can't say this but as a coach I think it's time to go back to a Not a traditional way of dating because I'm here to acknowledge a different. I'm here to look at I'm here to encourage Asking much deeper questions to determine compatibility Coming back to the book two dates. This is really an interesting book to really determine because What the founder of e harmony? I'm not here to recommend e harmony But his philosophy is if you take compatibility and ignite it with chemistry That's a winning recipe, but these days we focus on chemistry We get we we have sex and then we find out we're incompatible with people and by the way, I'm here to profess I'm doing my own part to be due diligent about this and not jump into it Now I'm guilty over the years times but I think one of the reasons why I've been single for a little bit longer than I expected this because Finding a real compatible partner who meets me where I want to be met beyond the bedroom In compatibility so we can we can create that Tapestry together is progressively getting harder especially with an environment where it's so divisive here in the United States It's Democrats or Republicans. It's masked. It's no mask. It's wore this. I mean, it's it's a it's a I'm going to blow up thinking about it At the same time I still hold hope. I have my prayer I have my prayer and I hold on to that prayer because I trust that the universe god universe spirit gusts Has my back and no matter when it happens And even if it doesn't happen I know that i'm in a space of loving myself and that's my invitation for all of you All right, so coming back to your question I you know what you can do whatever you want, but I let me put you this way I don't think I'd go on a third fourth or fifth date if we weren't kissing at least that But that's just me. You have to decide that for yourself. Thank you so much for that question mariam Let's see question holly. Okay Question had a date with a guy. He said he didn't have any spark with me. He didn't want to see me again What should I have said to him? Thank you Um, there's an old saying rejection is god's protection, but you know what I appreciate You know what he was honest I've I've now been saying that you know, I've had a situation where I had a date with someone We had a good time, but I just wasn't feeling Emotional connection with them actually it was three dates I just I you know, I was kind of like, you know, you know the whole saying you just never know I was holding space to see if it would happen But I wasn't feeling connected with this person and I said literally I said in the text message Well, she asked me she goes I noticed you're pulling back and I said yes And she goes why and I go I'm not feeling an energetic connection with you I think you're a nice person. We have you know, some things in common But I wasn't feeling it and I didn't feel I felt it was disingenuous Disingenuous or disingenuous, which one is it? To to make an investment if I wasn't feeling some sort of feelings for her So I actually commend him for being honest now. It doesn't feel good hearing that Of course it doesn't but folks Look at you dodged so the invitation. I ask yourself is what positive things Did you learn about yourself from this experience? What was good? What are you most grateful for? Start looking at from an introspective place instead of a judgment place that he's bad And he's wrong and men are bad and men are wrong So I give him a lot of props for that one holly. I hope you do too all right question Cindy asks question what's your opinion of the dating shows for example bachelor or love is blind It's funny. Someone brought that up to me the other day. Love is blind. So