 You know that you belong there. You know that you deserve to get what you came for because you went through every step in the sales process. You took the time to listen to them. You took the time to put away your own needs for their needs. You did discovery. You went back and built a business case and now you're sitting here presenting it. This is your time to talk, right? You're presenting the final case. You earned that. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Everybody needs to slow down and pay attention to this. So I talked earlier about something called the self disclosure loop, which is neurological. When you're talking or bragging about yourself, it makes you feel good because you get a dopamine hit to the pleasure center to the brain. And that loop matters because the more you just self disclose, the more that loop will continue. If you step on the loop by interrupting someone or by telling your story, you'll turn it off. So this pausing piece, like you said, it feels like it's forever. There are moments when you think your heart is going to come out of your chest while you're waiting. So you're sitting there counting, like you count, you count, you count. Then when they fill in the silence, what they typically fill it in with, and you glossed over this, but they fill it in with the information that they weren't going to tell you and they told themselves they weren't going to tell you while they walked in the door and they can't help themselves because this neurological loop is so powerful that in that moment you sit there and you said this, I'm not going to tell you, I wouldn't tell anybody else has been able to tell you, they crossed the TMI zone. So if you're like, and you can do this when you're interviewing someone, my wife does this at parties, like she's a brilliant listener and will be at parties and I can catch her, I'll watch her, and I know there are people, there's somebody, they just dropped a bomb and later on, like I'm going to get all the juice on this thing because they're like, I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm going to tell you anyway. And you've been on the other side of that AJ, so you've been there, Johnny, I know you've been there, I've been there, where there's someone who's listening to us and we'll just go back to the art of charm, like there's just something about them and we just lean into it and then suddenly these things coming out of our mouth and our brain says, no, don't say that, but you can't help it, like you just keep talking and you keep talking and you keep talking and oh by the way, if you're in sales, you talk yourself out of the deal, if you're in a date, you talk yourself out of the date, right? If you are, you know, in a room with people, you talk yourself out of a friendship and people start moving away from you, but you can do the other thing on the reverse side and that little bit of silence, that pause, it's such a big influential pull that if you can master it and get good at it, man, the world will just open itself up to you. It's so powerful and I love that you mentioned that on a date or even in a social realm. We use that vacuum to our advantage. So many people label that silence is awkward, but the most powerful communicators understand that silence actually strengthens your communication. It's a stronger frame. It leads to confidence. If we label it awkward, then naturally we're going to want to avoid silence. We're going to want to fill in the gap and of course we're going to start making rookie mistakes that as you said, talk us out of the end result that we both want. And I love that because I've had that exact phrase, the TMI, like, why am I telling you this? They'll even catch themselves after they've shared it. And that's how you know you got to the goal because you are exactly right. Let's be honest and we can talk about how much the sales process has changed, but buyers right now, they are expecting these conversations to go a certain way. And of course, they're preparing themselves before that call before that visit from you. And they know going in, these are my objectives. This is what I want to share. This is what I don't want to share. And if you can flip the frame and get them to a place where now they don't even know why they're sharing. But as you said, nature is working its course and it's getting them to open up. That's where the gold is. That's where you can really work through the real pain, the real emotional reason they need to buy. I want to add to that as well. Something that you mentioned earlier is that when you're, if it's a sell, then you know what the objective is. You're trying to get somebody to purchase something. And then other situations are quite different. If you're in a networking event and you're looking to make a new contact, okay, well that's going to be your goal. If you're looking to set up a meeting with somebody to pitch them at another time, that's the goal. If you're looking to get this person's phone number so you can ask them out, that's the goal. High value people are going to be quick to understand what they want out of this interaction at all times so that they can begin to set up a system to reach their goal. Because if you're just staring at the goal, you don't know where you are. You have an expectation that cannot be met because you don't have a system that gets you there. And one of the things which is quite the same, but what we have to equate to what we do for our audience, for our clients is you do have a goal when you're at this networking event. You have to commit to it so that we can begin to implement a process for you to get there. If you're in the dating realm, well of course you want dates and you have to commit to that idea so that we can begin to put in the processes for you to get the dates. And I find the most difficult part there for our clients is to get comfortable with this goal because they much like new sales people, they don't feel they're worth that goal. That this is for them, that they have earned this. And it's first getting them to commit, yes, I deserve this, this is what I want and this is where I'm going. Just like the sales person, if he's picking up that phone, is we are going to make this sale. I deserve to make this sale because I'm putting in the work. But once you can nail down that there is a goal in mind and that you are worth that goal, well now we can begin implementing the tiny steps. And it's interesting in hearing you talk because you've laid out the system that is going to reach the goal for your sales folks when I hear them. Do you like me? Make you feel important? Building trust? Those are the steps that are going to reach that sale. Yeah, and I think you said you talk about objectives. So for me, when I explained every sales person, before you walk into any conversation, you need to understand what your targeted next step is. It could be an appointment. It could be an advance to say a more discovery. It could be leveling up to a decision maker. It could be closing the deal. But if you don't know your targeted next step, how can you explain it to them? And I'm usually pre-framing target next step at the very beginning when I'm sitting down with you, I might say, so, Johnny, here's what my objective is today. I want to learn about this, this, this, and this. And if all this makes sense for you and me, then our next step will be this. Will that work for you? And you say yes. So I'm getting commitment and consistency moving into that next step, right? So I want that commitment going in. But I'm telling you what the next step is going to be early on. And I think sometimes we hide that from the person that we're dealing with. Now, that might not always be an appropriate thing if you're meeting someone at a mixer and you go, listen, I'm going to have a conversation with you. And my target in the next step is that you're going to be going on a date with me next week. I mean, that may come off a little bit forward. Now, there are people who can pull that off because they can do it in a way that will make the other person laugh. And it'll work. People like me who are introverts should probably stay away from that type of a trial close, the early part of a date. But I think you have to know that and get that. And that's part of the system. And you said something else, Johnny, that I think is so important. I say this all the time in a little bit of a different way, but I like the way that you said that you have to, you have to feel like you deserve to be there. And the way that I know I belong there. And, and I was just coaching a group of salespeople yesterday on this who were going to their final presentations. You know that you belong there. You know that you deserve to get what you came for, because you went through every step in the sales process. You took the time to listen to them. You took the time to put away your own needs for their needs. You did discovery. You went back and built a business case. And now you're sitting here presenting it. This is your time to talk, right? You're presenting the final case. You earned that. And they know that when you show up and you're relaxed, assertive and confident, the most powerful emotional foundation for a salesperson in that moment, they're going to lean into that and they're going to buy from you. In fact, I told one of the sales guys yesterday, I said, you know, here's the thing. Most of the stuff that you said was just crap. But I'm still buying from you because I didn't hear any of it because all I saw was, I want to buy from you because you were that good in the presentation because you were so confident about what you were saying and thinking and I could feel it. And that mattered more than the substance of what you were saying. Not that I want you to go in and, you know, and say inane things to your buyer, but you got to realize how important that is, but earning it, doing the work in advance matters. And that's why salespeople who show up and say hello, want to buy, they get in a lot of trouble and they're insecure and insecurity and passive and weakness as a sales professional is certain death because human beings are incredibly predictable. We run right through that. If you don't feel like you earned it, you're going to lose. And by the way, if you approach in that manner and skip through all the steps, you're either going to be insecure or you're going to be arrogant. And arrogance is, you know, is a complete disregard for the person that you're dealing with. And they're going to see right that through the right through that too, and they're not going to buy from you. Well, this is why I start to question people who seem to have a fear of rejection because it could be rejection. People don't like to be told no, especially if you take it personally, that it sucks. However, there's also the fear of success. What if they say, yeah, well, now you have to show up and perform a service. Now you have to show up and be the show yourself worth on this date. And that is can be a major block. If you don't enjoy the product that you're selling, whether it's a service or whether it's you, well, then you're going to be afraid of them saying yes. So we have to determine is it the, is it the rejection that you're really afraid of? Or is it that you don't believe in your, the product? You don't believe in yourself. You don't believe in what you're selling because if that's the case, that's a different resolution that we need to work on rather than rejection. We drop great content each and every week. And we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. That point that you just made probably is actually, we'll just say it is a big issue for, say, solo entrepreneurs, people who are building their own business, people like me who are authors and speakers. I found early on when I was building this business and I started this business in 2006 that I struggled to sell me. So when I was sitting down with someone, I would, you know, and I'm offering my keynote or my coaching or, you know, it's me that, first of all, when they reject that, they're rejecting me. And that's very much like dating. Like you're dating, they're not rejecting an idea. They're rejecting you. So I felt that when I'm selling a product, like I'm selling a product for somebody never even bothers me because the product is the inanimate object, but it's me. And then the other part of that is, and this is like deep down inside of you. And I'm going to say this is an honest way for it to be transparent. But there are days even now with all the success that I've had in this business, all the success that I've had building and growing and all the money that people will pay me to show up and do a keynote, which is just, you know, it's mind blowing what, you know, what people will, well, you know, people will bring me in and pay me to stand on their stage and talk with people. I get paid to talk. You think about it. But there are those moments when there's like a really big deal or a really big company or a really big event people want you to come into. And you're sitting down talking with them. There's a little voice inside of you that says, okay, they're going to buy you and then they're going to find out you're a complete and utter fraud. And in, you have to like, that's one of those things you have to lift yourself above because you're doubting yourself. And when you doubt yourself, it creates insecurity. And because human beings are predictable and the way that they deal with insecurity, it's a really, really bad move and anything that you do, but it's there. But I think that goes back to, back to emotional intelligence. We don't get to choose our emotions. They happen without our consent. So whether it's fear of rejection or whether it's fear of success or whether it's fear that people are going to find you out and, you know, you doubt yourself in the moment, which is just normal. And you know, I say that to people who see me on stage and they're like, how could you ever say anything like that? You're the most confident person in the world. I'm like, you have no idea what's happened in my head when you're not around. You know, when you're in those situations, what you can choose is not the emotion, you can choose your response. And your response is, can I rise above this emotion and then deal with this person in a way that I know gives me influence in that moment. A no allows me to persuade them in that moment. I know that gets them to lean into me and feel emotionally connected with me in that moment. So that goes back to those frames. Do I like you? Do you listen to me? Do you make me feel important? Do you get me in my problems with trust and believe you? So my insecurity doesn't matter if my mouth is shut. The way that I feel about myself, my fear doesn't matter if my mouth is shut. Even by the way, my own communication style. So we all have a different style of communicating. My communication style connected to their communication style doesn't matter. I don't have to flex to them if my mouth is shut. So if they're talking, they don't care what my style is. They just feel good because they're talking. That's what we have to remind ourselves of in those situations is that in a lot of cases, we're just playing tricks on ourselves. And I know through your coaching practice that you work with people through that teaching them how to rise above those emotions. And I just say this to your audience just so you know, you know, I like I'm a human being. I have those doubts. I'm, you know, I'm laying in bed last last Wednesday night. We just came off like the greatest day of our life that you've never been to the Outbound Conference, but this is an event like none other. We have 135 feet of screens and pyrotechnics and the greatest rock show for salespeople on earth. I just got off the stage. People are clapping, screaming, hugging, taking selfies. I mean, I'm signing books to my hand hurts and I'm laying in bed that night sitting there going, I could have done better at this. I couldn't have done better at that. You know, I kind of screwed this up. I said that I made this mistake. I'm rolling through those things. I can't help it. It just happens. The question that you have to ask yourself is when you wake up the next morning, is that going to change your behavior, right? Or is it going to be something that fuels you to rise above it, get your confidence in your hands and be better than you were the day before? That's a choice that you make. You get to make that choice. Nothing else gets to make that choice for you. So that's why I look at the world of sales. And I love it because it's all choices. You choose your actions, you choose your responses, and you choose your mindset. And those are the only three things that you can control and I choose to control those things.