 Helo! Welcome to PowerPoint Karaoke with an AI twist. Tonight you're competing for this beautiful trophy handcrafted this afternoon from the bring and buy buckets. The very best makerspace on the whole site is the kids' makerspace because they have got holographic sticky back plastic and googly eyes ac mae'n gwneud yn stori gyda llwyso ac yn lleidiadol. Felly, mae gennym ei wneud y cwreidio i ni. A'r ffociliaid y gwirionedd, ond mor hwnnw wedi bod nhw'n mynd i chi'n gwybod ymlaen, â'r un hwnnw'n ei wneud yn ei wneud yma, a'r gwych yn ysgrifennu i'r gwerthu. A'r cyfnod. Mae'r cyfnod o'r fath o'r steg. Ymddangos. Yn holl, yma, y gyfnod i chi'n gwneud i'r gwybod yma, is that we use GPT-3 to generate titles for the presentations. The problem is that it's too good. So I fed it all the EMF talks from 2016 and 2018 and it generated the most plausible sounding talks you can imagine. So when you see the list of talks you will see that, yes indeed, any single one of them could be a talk this evening. It could be a talk that you just host here normally. So yes, these are the rules that the speaker will choose a prompt. Each prompt has five slides. The slides will move on after one minute. So there's none of this next slide please, you get your one minute per slide. And then we cheer a lot and we cheer a lot, we cheer our speakers as we go because not everyone does this, you know, stand up on stage, talking complete and other bollocks about something they've never seen before so that deserves a big cheer. And the rest of us make a job out of it. Yeah, the rest of us, this is what we do for a living. I'm an academic, it's kind of par for the course. Okay, so anything else we need to tell people? I think the main thing is, in fact I'm going to be weird and do a rolling mic if my sound gets... Oh he's on it, he's on it. I think the main thing is have fun. Is everyone ready to have fun? I will ask, try and keep what you're saying relatively PG-13. None of the slides have anything too out of it on them. If the odd swear slips in, that's all right, but be good. And the other question is going to ask was, is everyone okay if I take a picture of you all? Yeah, cool. Right, let's see just how, look at all these amazing people I can't see because of the lights in here, but it's fine. And I'm going to do the sad thing. Cool, let's get a self with all these amazing people. See how many we can get in there. Oh, look at them all, there we go. Champion, right, so first on, I believe you had an initial volunteer. I do, it's my husband. What's his name? His name is Mick Wright, and where's he gone? He's run away. Mick, now is your time. There he is. Right, can we get a round of applause for Mick? And I will say, I'm still fairly sure I've been to at least one of these talks this weekend, and these are from a bot. So, I'd like to say he hasn't had no sight of this in advance. There has been no insider knowledge. He's literally just been talked into this. So you get to pick what you think. Choose your fate. No pressure. Some pressure. Right down off. Let's do Rise of the Machines. You tap it, it's a touch screen. We're high tech here. Right, so let's do this. You are Mick and you have chosen... Oh, it's backwards. I see why Rob Manwah trouble now. The future of humanity, the rise of machines. When you're ready to make, you click and it begins. Okay, here we go. Okay, this is the future of humanity, the rise of the machines. Let's click to begin. I'm clicking to begin. Oh no, hang on. There we go. Okay. So as we know throughout history, the balance of society has been between how much money we have and how many potatoes we can purchase. And in the middle, either helping or hindering us in our purchase of potatoes are the machines represented here by a calculator. The question for us is, in the future, will machines stop us from accessing the potatoes we need or will they enable us to have as many potatoes as we wish? It's a very difficult question. One that is pondered by many philosophers over the years. And to my mind, I think that I'm a techno optimist. I believe that the machines are going to help us get many more potatoes and that is a great thing. Some of those potatoes may be NFTs, very difficult to eat, an NFT potato, but very exciting nonetheless. Okay, money is good. Services are good. Goods are good. You take the money, use the money to purchase some goods, but what if the services, they get in the way and they stop you from purchasing the goods? The goods, of course, in this case being the potatoes. And this is a symbol that I don't understand. But perhaps if I had the right technology, I would understand the symbol. Perhaps that symbol, I guess it's a P, it brings me back to potatoes. And how I'm going to access those. Possibly the underlying theme of this talk is becoming potatoes because I'm waiting all day to buy chips, but the queue for the chip chaos gets too long. And if I had better technology, I would be able to access the chips that I want. This future of humanity's potatoes. Here is Mark Zuckerberg, he is brandishing his money to show you that he can access many more potatoes than you can. But what if in the future we create new technology, we can overthrow Facebook, stop it from hoarding the potatoes? That is the future I wish to see a more egalitarian distribution of the potatoes through better technology. And defeating Mark Zuckerberg by turning him upside down. Are the potatoes you think in this talk of metaphor, they may be or they may be actual potatoes? It's hard to say. Am I trying to win a bet where I say there were potatoes as many times as possible during this presentation while really not talking about the future of technology and humanity? It's, who's to say, but it's likely isn't it at this point. I'm still stuck here. The Mark Zuckerberg slide is not going away. I have very little more I wish to say about him. Just going to sort of bask, think, you know, oh, okay, here we go. This is a US map scaled by anime figure collection size. You can see in the flyover states very little anime collection ownership. It's all in the elite coastal areas. So what does this tell us about coastal consumption of potatoes? Absolutely nothing. Are any of these anime figures potatoes? Possibly. Mr Potato Head obviously recently a controversial figure amongst the right wing in the US because he doesn't have realistic genitals. And that was something they were very annoyed about. That's not something I've just made up as I'm just saying words. That's a real thing that happened and Piers Morgan got very angry about that and talked about it on national television. So in a sense everything that I've said that's been ridiculous and pointless in this is in no way as pointless as Piers Morgan who is very much less useful than a potato. And here we have two men. They are betting over access to potatoes. They don't need technology. They just have their pure human strength. But perhaps perhaps in the future they will get robots to do their betting for them, to do their fighting for them and the robots will collect the potatoes as well. What a great future that would be. This robot enabled plentifully potato enabled future. I don't even know what slide this is. I'm on at this point. I could go on for a long time here with this is the final one. In conclusion, Piers Morgan less useful than a potato. Anime more popular on the coast in the US than in the red flyover states. And me a man who has spent all day thinking about chips has failed to tell you very much about humanity's future with technology other than to say that the air fryer is not the future of chips. That was incredible, incredible. If I wasn't already married to him, I'd marry him all over again. If you want to hear any more from Mick, he's on Twitter at Broken Bottle Boy where he spends a lot of time slagging off the media. So yeah, which he managed to shoehorn that in there as well. Okay, we need another volunteer. We do, I think so I'm just checking. I think some of the people who are keeping feeding me this weekend, so between Kim Jo leads people, nominate someone and send them forth. Jo, Jo, where are you? Where is he? Yes, come hither. You are going second because you're letting me sleep near everyone. But worry not, we have eight more decks. All those people putting hands up. I saw you. In fact, you with the pink hair. I saw you ready yourself. Right then, can we get round of applause for Jo? Choose your fate, Jo. Next step in human evolution. You're about to find out new shocking facts about the human evolution. There's your player that's going. Hang on. Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. But at heart, and for all chickens, and for all slightly scared of friends and loved ones, first thing is in front of an audience to talk PG nonsense in front of a power pod karaoke. Thank you, hon. But chickens, aren't they also the pinnacle evolution? Are they not something that we should be looking up to as we grow and develop over very slowly of the future millennia, hopefully, before we wipe ourselves out in the next 20 years? But would we not like to emulate the chicken boy who just kind of like sits, clucks, lays eggs down again and eventually gets eaten? Is that not a peaceful joyful life truly? I kind of want to lay the point of this one to take you all through the important facts as I think just describing it, I'm going to lose some of the detail here. I'm sorry, we just need to lay the pointer. No, no, nothing. So we start off with the chicken. As I said, the ideal concept we should all be looking up to at this point in our lives, that was something to a way, something that the humans can ascend to, something with wings. Not very good wings, you know, not ones we'll get at a very distance, but wings. Who doesn't want wings? As we look at the chicken and then we dive deep into chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, or even even deeper in the next layer of chicken slash chicken, which can have an output of chicken if you want it, tastier chicken or more evolved chicken. And yeah, it's a whole chicken circle. Oh, goodness. I'm not a data scientist, so I can't really describe these graphs in details, but I'm sure they show some correlation between chickens and how humans are going to be in the future. Yeah, lots of triangles are the chickens, the circles are the humans, and eventually they're going to kind of mash together, and eventually we will become one and it will be great. I mean, it will be very incredibly stupid. But if our heads get cut off, we can run around for a bit afterwards, and is that not worthwhile losing a bit of intelligence to not have the skill to lose our heads and still keep running and also fly a little bit, not very well? We might be farmed. I'm not going to deny this fact. The human might be slightly more like the matrix where we're farmed for energy, but with more chickeny forms. And I hope you will get we're getting into nitty gritty here of the chicken human relationship of evolution. It's chickens all the way down until it's zeros and ones, which again brings us back to the matrix. So in reality, I'm not heading for a cross between a chicken farm and matrix. Well, hopefully the first matrix films the best went downhill, let's be honest. Even the last one. Not too bad, but it could have been better. Yeah, but us developing the chickens presuming for our robot overlords and powering them through laying eggs, which then get fried or scrambled or otherwise cut and eaten deliciously by, I suppose, more robots. Maybe the robots in the future will be egg based energy. Time will tell, I suppose. On that penultimate slide, just to help sum up the whole trajectory we're moving into. Some of us are further away from the chicken evolutionary standpoint. Others already started to develop rudimentary beaks. Feithers are known. Some of us are slightly more flighty, easily scared and chased off by myself amongst them. But as time goes over, and I do want to emphasise this is over the next three years, so be ready for some changes. We're going to see rapid evolution as we all sprout feathers, sprout wings, and eventually all be able to say it's just chicken, chicken, chicken all the time. But we'll be happy, right? And that's what we all want in life. Just a little bit of happiness. One more could ask for. Thank you all. Thank you very much. Co-host back on stage. And if you want to, if you hit the little pen, and then it was the future of, well, next step in human evolution. There we go, lovely. Fantastic. Well, I think it's time to pick someone else. I think it's the person with the pink hair who genuinely put their hand up so fast. I would apologise to anyone nearby who's now deaf from the sheer sound going through the air. The guest, come on stage. Round of applause. Come on, come on, come on. Introduce yourself. Thanks for coming to my UMF camp talk. I appreciate you all being here and taking the time to come and listen. Really appreciate it. My name's Claire, and I am going to talk about top five benefits and consequences of social media. Allegedly. Yes, let's go. This is terrifying. Let's go. Is it going? Is it going? We're tapping. Is it not clicking? I'm clicking. Oh, hang on. It's still on draws or something. Go. Go. Obviously, when we think about social media and all the platforms that are available, we're reclining in our desk chairs. We're having a nice time at work because we never use social media outside of work. It's always when we're working because we just don't want to be working. So we're using social media. We're thinking of gherkins. Gherkins are the key to social media. That is what everybody thinks when they're making the platforms. They're like, right, we're going to build this around the gherkin model, which means we want a nice hard exterior that's difficult to penetrate for people that are coming into social media for the first time. And then when you get to the inside, it's salty. It's full of salty people who are miserable all of the time. Every platform, it's full of salty vinegary people who have an opinion and it's gherkins all the way down. There's nothing else. So think about that when we're thinking about social media. It's all gherkins. Also, other pickles are available if you're a big kimchi fan. Let's go for the spicy one as well. I mean, there are spicy people on social media. Some of our social media platforms are a bit like one-wheeled vehicles. They are circular. Arguments just go round and round and round the whole time. We never actually resolve anything. We're just going back and forth around the same old arguments, making horrible suggestions, and eventually it ends up where we're smoking a cigarette and regretting the entire decision to just join social media completely. I mean, I don't understand why we would be peddling the wheel in the first place. I mean, I guess that's a metaphor for us powering social media with all of our messages and all the trash that we throw in there day in, day out, trying to entertain our friends, and then occasionally there'll be a nice cat picture that'll lift the mood. The umbrella is to shield you from the shit that other people throw on you on social media as a non-binary person. I get that all the time. It's just trash all the time. And people being horrible. So that umbrella is there to protect us and keep us safe. Social media is a race and sometimes it's a cute and lovely race where you're riding dogs with ducks with tiny hats on and everybody's having a really nice time and then occasionally you have to be balancing on two horses at the same time and you've got no idea what's going on and why you're standing in a tent full of a thousand people talking about social media and horses and we end up in this position. That outfit though is banging. Could I get the velvet? I'm big into that. The red sash, nice. A strong social media look. Maybe that would trend on TikTok with some sort of fancy dance. Don't know, I can see some guy doing a little boogie. But yeah, we ride all horses and we balance horribly when we're trying to balance our friends and maybe some little secret life that we have. So it's like a metaphor for that balancing how we balance our lives and it's a race as well because we're trying to compete with everybody to look better than everybody else. We're trying to be better than the next person on social media and I would want to be the duck though if I was going to be anything in that picture. I think if there's wetness on social media you're doing it wrong unless it's only fans, am I right? So I don't know if that's the right thing but yeah, I guess wisdom is the overarching then that we all go for on social media which then when you peel the wisdom away is just wet. The gherkins, very wet, very salty. So we're kind of in this wet world of gherkin saltiness and then eventually you'll get through to the warm gooey centre of the gherkin and that's where we all like to think social media is because there is a little bit of happiness. It's quite nice sometimes but most of the time it's just wet with warm in it and that's the three W's of social media. I think this might be my penultimate slide. I've lost count frankly but yes, the gherkins it was a good metaphor to start with I feel and it was a lovely thing to see the wetness there too. Final slide. Wow. Feel like we've come into YouTube territory now with exploding cans of Pepsi and microwaves but Theodore's theory states that the universe is constructed from elements produced by a massive explosion caused by a microwave and a can of Pepsi which I can only imagine would be a really exciting thing to watch on YouTube and I would give that an up vote if that was going to come on my feed also recommend cans of Fanta just for the bright orange vividness that would come through also gherkin on top of the can of Pepsi would give you again that salty outer wetness that we were going through with the three W's to tie it all back into that world. So in summary, social media is salty full of cyclical arguments and ducks on horseback with hats and they were on dogs weren't they and fancy outfits. I think that would be all of social media in a nutshell thank you for coming to my talk. Oh the standards are so high this evening so high this is brilliant okay can we have another volunteer oh my goodness everyone's got their hands up okay uh second row second in you had your hand up the fastest yep come on up you actually had your hand up even before I started speaking cool um so you get to Peir can you get to introduce yourself as well? Uh hello I'm Adam um thank you for coming to my talk is everyone having a nice time? Great um well I'd love to talk to you about the evolution of the internet um I'm of course talking about the online one um so she familiar click to begin oh wow okay so um just to start you off with something very simple very straightforward I think before to set in context the evolution of the internet let's think about where the internet came from when the internet first started I believe in 1962 it was quite straightforward there are a few basic elements shapes which are still around in the internet today but back then were quite sort of primitive I think you could have just a round shape or a square shape and those are the only two options a few older people in the crowd remember that there's a strife people people of course that powered the sort of engine of it all and um rain was the main sort of function for dialogue and I think if we look back at those early days of the internet it felt like a very sparse place um it didn't really have the sort of dynamism that we associate with the internet of today um which let's move it forward to AWS which of course stands for a wet shape which takes the original shapes which were quite prevalent and moves it on to a much more a sort of dynamic area that I'm talking about well demonstrated by these tool trees so these tool trees which you'll be seeing going up around actually powering us this very weekend at EMF and they are where most of the internet is stored the tool of the trees the tool and if I leave you with one key piece of information the tool of the trees the stronger the internet and of course with the internet now being popular and you'll see it's moving outside of cities people are using the internet for video I've seen it myself, it's amazing for messaging for cripto and of course for azure azure some people like to pronounce it so um when you're moving data into the cloud which of course you can do you need to make sure it is secure and what do we think about when we think about security clips yes yes yes see it see it's making sense to all of you now this of course is the famous icon of Microsoft who were the second company to use the internet and his name is Clipy and Clipy Clipy if you haven't if you haven't got a Clipy installed at home then you won't be able to use the internet I azure you you won't be able to so let's take a look let's take a look just by a way of interest audience here who in the audience has a number one cloud let's raise their hands yes a few sort of basic people in the area anyone anyone anyone pay a bit extra for number two anyone who's got that number two yes the cotton wool buds there and some fluffy boy fans yes now that's making the number ones and number twos feel a bit stupid and uh number four of course we got here at EMF anyone else actually lucky enough to have a number four have you oh wow i'm coming round to your house yeah will be will be surfing those clouds all days get them shapes get them shapes do you want your fast shapes your big shapes oh that's some that's some good internet there so really we're seeing the internet evolving at quite a pace really since 1962 if you look at these three models here all the way to the on-prem and on-prem is sort of still in development and i think you know with this sort of new corgi shape it's going to make the internet lower to the ground which of course is going to stop it being hit so much it's already got the queen's backing which is going to help it's done wonders for waitrose so think what you'll do for the internet um the hybrid cloud is good but think about what happens if it gets muddy yeah no one wants a muddy internet we'll remember that but a pure cloud of course is good but must be certified if you want to enter your internet into crufts of course is is um good for the internet but bad for dogs thank you oh that that was a good one very good one let's get back to the top now you all know how to use the internet it's just okay so let's scribble that one on it okay your turn to pick my turn to pick okay let's let's let's not be blind for a moment these are some strong lights who we got you're going to have to go down there in the audience i think i'm going to have to go right i'm going to the back right because as we all know the real winners here are the people not getting love in the crappy seats at the back right let's have a look who we got who is i'm going to maybe the real part oh yeah no oh the big waves here yes you you are next contestant what is your name my name is Anya Anya come with me big round of applause for Anya as we get our daily steps in everyone at the back with an apple watch she's like oh could get a few more in before we start yep if you want to head upstairs oh i should have brought my water up with me i'll get my lovely assistant yes you get if Anya's lovely assistant can bring her water up please that's Sean bring up my water come on come on what do you think we're doing paying you come on quick i think i'll go with a crypto because it's kind of low hanging fruit it's like i would like to say that she said crypto because it's low hanging fruit correct answer yes take the podium tap your selection oh this is crap you did you just set a timer yeah smart hello everyone my name is Anya Bolog and i'm very well versed in speaking Bolog's no that's not my surname it's Bolog and i also previously used to write speeches for an irish government minister so but take that as you will um so what is crypto as i said before crypto is kind of a low hanging fruit and that's why i have put some low hang coin underneath your seats today so please keep an eye on it as it is highly fungible so as i said before crypto has a high focus on apes and ape-like content such as you know with the board apes kind of base products which use crypto in a very sophisticated and complex randomly generated way totally and also they use weird names like all weird stuff that is usually a pyramid scheme they use weird names and they're also a curiosity to some and a way of life to others some crypto exists in you know in the cloud in other places of that thing so ninja ninja are in fact the sexiest crypto of all because they are particularly leggy and pale um so as i said before they come from the Japanese internet which as we know is the most dangerous and complex of all internets because it is largely based off tables to this present day basic html which allows these creatures to survive even in this age of global warming they can also be found in the Antarctic where they're able to that's where their minds are that is actually where the crypto is mined is where the ninja are now they say they are 20 to 30 meters tall that isn't actually meters that's how much they are worth in millions so every ninja is worth approximately 30 million i was going to say euro but it should be billion yen moth man and they are only the second sexiest of all crypto because i really said ninja were the sexiest and they come from a place called West Virginia and country roads take them home if you know what i mean um anyone here fancy moth man everyone here who thinks moth man is sexy can you give me a woo you know moth man moth man um that's completely random it said that about country roads that's so weird i didn't see that because i prepared this earlier that's why um of course um so as i said they have wings red eyes and they're moths so by that i mean you all know that joe i'm not going to tell that jokes right right now i'm running out of time for the moth related jokes yeah they wouldn't like they'd like this bright light over here that's making it impossible for me to see anyway um what else do i say about moth men um when a moth man goes to the doctor um i don't even know what to say they're iconic they're beautiful i hope one day i can see a moth man that's all i can really say about them so as i think my previous speaker here spoke a lot on the topic of chickens so i don't want to step on anyone's toes by talking about ill-wits or strife potato sacks well as our previous speaker also spoke about potatoes this is are they linked back into crypto because potatoes are quite expensive and thus a potato sack is an even more expensive kind of um what do you call it good of conspicuous consumption they're very sexy um lantern like with moth men you see how idle with strike kind of bring together the previous components of this presentation because um they are very attractive like ninja they like lights like moth men large sticks um how would i describe large sticks to you and one local pub that's just a party um yeah they like to party basically you bring them down to the pub and look at that thing british big cats woo okay i'm just going to see um so the base of many locations Bodmin, Ludlow, Northamptonshire Exmoor, Shropshire um Ledbury typical hunting grounds large cat unimpredd so um i think we spoke a bit about ninja so ninja and big um big cats have actually crossbred in the past creating something known as long cats if you've heard of him they are not actually a threat to humans i know i just put this Ledbury thing in here to scare you but all all big cats want you to do is invest in their crypto products why he's unimpressed he's unimpressed because he's presently been investigated by um i don't know what the anti fraud department is called in the UK but he's been he's vented by um HMRC for tax frauds that's why he's so unimpressed that's his solicitor there um i don't know um hope you all enjoyed um that was fantastic i'm confused than everyone else is i think are you good let me give you the roaming mic right i'm coming for you okay i feel like anica rice for anyone who's old enough to remember anica rice for anyone um i'm going further back further back further back further now for the most satisfying one oh yeah oh big gone crypto what's your name alana alana's up next the topics are narrowing but there's still lots of exciting slides and then some oh yep they've just clicked it towards face great can you hear me now yeah that good everyone okay today i'm going to do promoting health and well-being in space space this one yep that's it perfect all right hope you guys are ready for an extremely interesting five minutes i think i am so let's go have had to study for a very long time to understand the images that you're seeing here on this screen so i'm not going to try and over explain it to you guys but well-being space astronauts it's all very complicated i mean to really be happy you really have to have the as i like to pronounce it well simply that just means the lack of sunshine they don't have any sunshine they can't go out and get vitamin d they have to get pictures of sunshine and happy rainbows and all of that to stare at for hours at a time that is actually the practice that they spend months learning but that's not all guys no no no that's not all this is actually the flow that you can see that they have to get into a form of meditation if you will now it does take many years that's why astronauts have to spend so long before they go out it's learning the GOBVLOCK yeah and you may be wondering how does someone get into the flow of GOBVLOCK well it normally tends to be surrounding yourself with candles very serene thinking about that one goal rha-jawl because rha-jawl wow and that just means that you're in a peace i know there's some hard breaking stuff here that astronauts really have to go through for their well-being that's not all i mean the amount of energy can't just come from within can it we have to fuel ourselves but when you're in space you don't want normal human food i mean i think many of us have heard about potatoes today but i really think that the reason astronauts can stay happy people can stay happy out in space is a food only found to grow in the stars very expensive you can buy it i am a reseller you can find my amazon links on my twitter i do get some money off of it but i promise you it doesn't charge you any more delicious delicious um quite hard to find quite hard to mine in fact um but definitely would recommend if you are looking for that health boost um yeah okay moving on to the real stuff now guys gonna have a sore throat by this i haven't been practicing the language very long the gobvlog yeah gobvlog now what is gobvlog well when you think of well-being what do you think of yes journaling hello obviously you're in space wonderful you're surrounded by so much stuff but don't forget to take the time to do your gobvlog fill in your journal five minutes every day good for the mind good for the soul and if you're eating the stuff that i previously mentioned uh that you can buy off of me on my links then that works even better you can write all about it go through an emotional experience and journey yes very it's very good stuff very good stuff oh right guys i don't know if you're ready for the kicker now now this is where it gets extremely complicated guys as you can probably see i mean i don't know how many of you understand this put your hands up if you do but it's actually a few of you guys it's actually a few of you i'm quite surprised i'm quite you must have read my latest book you can um you can buy it from amazon i have links online so this is the ancient study of the mathematical well-being formula so really all you have to do is um this formula every single day i'm not going to tell you what it is again to to understand how to do that please buy my book through my links online thank you um so i hope today you've kind of gathered an understanding of health well-being in space particularly thank you very much thank you very much now this is someone who clearly has honor that was amazing all right quick show oh sorry quick show of hands who could speak klingon just hands down who can yeah that guy can who can actually speak klingon yeah sorry about that okay hands up for gavin go oh god there's a lot of you all right hang on i'm going to go this side let's go this side let's go we're getting a thing in today um oh you this you cannot be waving any harder come on come on what's your name i'm lewis where this lewis lewis okay i am deaf apparently up you go lewis let's get a round of applause for lewis oh yes all right just click the back button that's um there we go hang on we have to we have to script script it out oh it's all right the irony is i do actually have a pen for this i'll probably get out which would make way more sense um lewis hmm okay i can't use credits can i uh no because those are the credits one slide easy mode no okay okay let's uh let's go with uh this one why elon musk is wrong about my friend al now just a little bit of background about this one al is short for albert and he and elon had a chance encounter back in 1982 when al was zero and elon was 274 they met at a restaurant in california where unfortunately al being neither of of sound mind nor able to speak was crying loudly at a restaurant and uh elon didn't like that and slapped him on the face and of course this leaves me here today googling how to speak at emf as clearly so far it's not been an exactly smooth path having made up a person in the zero seconds flat and i can tell you that is not the face of someone who knows what they're talking about uh in front of lots of people who may or may not remember some uh pharlups for for many years to come so elon musk is a fairly contentious person he has uh his fingers in many pies from cryptos to nfts that we've heard a lot about here and the pictures there are describing exactly what i'm going to be doing as i'm trying to pass just what to say next uh maybe i don't have something maybe i do have something i'm going to be wearing the same pained expression no matter what in the hope of getting some cheap laughs from my physical torture but going back to what i was saying before both of these pictures are in fact nfts but no no that's not the funny part they're in fact infringing upon each other as they are mirror images of each other now unfortunately i this whole topic has made me think about nfts and just checking my phone right here it looks like my portfolio has fallen 17 percent since i started talking so i really hope this this pitch can finish very quickly unfortunately al could not be here to witness this and as a result i'm suffering from intense mental pain as i know how much he would enjoy me talking about him being slapped in the face as a baby by elan musk and the future uh regaling you all with tales of uh of how elan musk has gone on to twitter to publicly berate his family and reveal in tweets one by one exactly what has gone on in his browser history and of course elan musk is never been shy of of controversy uh when he unveiled the the the tesla truck and got a brick and threw it into uh into the truck that was in fact not a demonstration for the would-be investors it was a metaphor for what he really wished he could have done to al as a baby now you see i do sympathise a little with him because it was a really fancy restaurant who's having a wonderful plate of foie gras at the time and who brings a baby to a to a fancy restaurant like that in fact i'm starting to think elan musk might have been right about al after all i mean i'm more of a software guy and and al was more of a hardware engineer so being natural enemies i'm not sure why volunteered to uh to defend him in the first place now choosing this as as a topic uh coming up with a person called al instead of talking about ai like a normal person is enough to send someone to the bottle now understand bar bot will be operating after this and let me tell you i will be frequenting their services quite a bit um but you know what i think i've been a little bit too hard about now you know he's uh he's an upstanding member of the scientific community and if he's been able to make someone as powerful as elan musk angry i think maybe we can find it in our hearts to all make elan musk himself a little bit angry as well so citizens of emf i would like you to take your phones i would like you to go to twitter and i would like you to tweet to elan musk i want you to think of your favourite letter of the alphabet tweeted to him with no further context and perhaps he can take all of those letters and use it as inspiration for his next child which even though i forgotten to look at the screen for the past 30 seconds i think that would be everyone's reaction when we hear whatever sorry children whatever crazy name he is going to be coming up with next and just like elan musk we all have a fin thank you that was absolutely fantastic for legal reasons if elan musk is watching that was a joke elan they exist um well we've got uh oh we need to uh just we need to delete elan i wish we've got three so we have three left three left and then we wrap up and choose a winner of the trophy ooh it's just in front um so yeah do you want to um no yeah it's just there it's sorry it's behind the big screen that doesn't work okay so i should go and pick someone go go go find it find a willing volunteer or a volunteer that'd be more fun i mean we also the word guinea pig scratched out at the start that's there for a reason i was this side last time no wait i can't act lost track um um i go okay do you want to go okay we have we have a junior competitor a junior competitor let's go okay um woodrow okay this is woodrow we will briefly do some logistics just stand next to the mic a second hello yeah we can see him it's good it's good okay this is woodrow hello ticker ticker pick off the remaining topics emoji okay a bit of power you see emojis have always represented power on twitter what has been the most used emoji and why it's probably been the middle finger there have been many reasons arguments intelligence affluence and flat allowance emojis have not emojis have represented intelligence simple symbols representing phrases or sentences affluence i don't know what that means these including apple have spent ages designing these minimal minimalist designs that were used for generations these are just one of the examples of i think steve jobs rough understandings of the core power of emojis sophisticated side of these complicated symbols we can see that not only does it represent sentences but mathematical equations jonty million rusta patrick was a is a very famous philosopher so there is very deep meaning to his words and i think sign up to volunteer emf is not only mentioned quite a lot here but also has a lot of significant meaning and going back to emojis this sentence can be represented with many of them that have already existed showing the monumental power of these simple symbols one of the core downsides of emojis has been the funny ones people using to get a quick giggle or laugh something like this can be so easily represented as an emoji and someone's going to say oh that's funny it's not emojis should be used as the core foundations of language but this isn't this is a moose saying sheep this is patronising the founders of this amazing language now emojis can be misunderstood a sad face can be thought to be funny and this stock photo also can be seen as funny one maybe she's really angry that her car is broken down and her children are dead a tweet on twitter saying i just attended my grandmother's funeral sad face maybe thought to be funny do not look at the comments this is showing one of the terrible horrible parts thank you for listening to me oh that was amazing i've got a great future in academia unless everyone was hiding it really well earlier woodrow is our youngest competitor this evening i feel a strong future in comedy here i think so future in academia and comedy we've got two more so you're trying to choose yes let's go find an interesting person on the left hand side of the crowd someone from stages didn't murder me for jumping off it like that left hand side uh let's see wow somebody's physically lit themselves up yes you physically spotlighting yourself in the audience come hither frankam amazed it was no one else have you seen the amount of neopixels on this site this weekend what is your name oh hello lucy um let's get you on stage i think a round of applause for dr lucy rogers i believe now if i'm not mistaken the last time you were here uh you were talking about chickens chicken chicken um so you're down to two okay we're expecting good things from lucy i've come on stage today to share with you my joy absolute joy unification now see this picture a picture paints a thousand words you don't have to sit there wondering what i'm talking about you know you know exactly what is going to come next you know that you don't want to be there this is the sort of image that grabs us that will stick in your mind at least until the next slide but see the juxtaposition of the escape sign behind communication is all about communicating and when we have slides and presentations a simple graph just two items on the axis you can look at that and see exactly that if you're short you're not going to get paid much now this could because be because most short people are children and actually we're not allowed to make them work anymore and if you are a giant well the world's your oyster you can charge what you want having slides that move it attracts the attention away from the speaker i don't recommend it actually i also recommend a microphone that you can walk around with so you can actually say hey and take the attention away thank you so you can take the attention away from the burger and the whole fact that the planet is getting warmer and the only thing that polar bears are going to be able to eat are the emf burgers they're going to come down here because obviously they're really good with rasby pies i don't know if you know this but polar bears programming rasby pies you can see them down at black gang china on the isle of white there's also some robot dinosaurs that are really quite cool with with rasby pies in them but the oh sorry this is also at black gang china it's a theme park on the isle of white and um well actually i think can can you stand up because we all now need to stand up come on stand up everybody please and and we just need to get in this position because audience interaction is key in communication and and so you know punch punch uh we're all engaged now are we all engaged we've got this yes see yes we can go for it and i know that many of you have actually got those red pants on underneath underneath um but you and we can't hear the music see the music it's going and it's beating and it's really quite good but actually you don't want to hear me sing not even the red ones however this cow is lying so you can't actually see really the back end red lycra i know these things i i know so you can't actually believe everything that you read on a slide uh communication is all about convincing the audience that what you're saying is true even when it may not oh no that's politics be careful when you put slides up and give people time to read what's up there and really feel it communication is all about communicating fantastic thank you okay the final one what topic is left we have one left which is got the sound guy hits us tonight is like no stop it um oh wait yeah there's only one left and everyone's been avoiding it and it's how to make a geiger counter with smart light bulbs now i i don't know if there are any light bulb experts in the audience if there are we don't want to hear from you and we don't want to hear from anyone who knows anything about radio activity because uh that would spoil the fun wouldn't it so i'm going to come and find someone jeffreffens we have had several talks on radio activity and there's a radioactive xylophone in the lounge so you know this is the problem when you use gpt3 and it does too good a job and everything is completely and utterly understandable um here right here yeah do you know anything about light bulbs or radio activity or are you a complete novice to this particular are you a complete novice to this subject or are you an expert he's not an expert but he will be after five minutes are up do you want a light bulb do i own a light bulb yeah technically oh then there we go if you just forward that when you're ready to start cool ladies and gentleman and those of you not so ascribed i'm here to tell you how to build a geiger counter but before we begin we need to work out exactly what is a geiger counter now 95% of emails that everybody gets every day ask this very question you've all had them from colleagues for family from dearest relations they just keep asking what is a geiger counter what are these geigs and how do i count them well we're going to find out a geiger counter it counts that's about all it does it's got a funny name because it was invented by alfred geiger so back in the 1800s he thought i would like to do some counting but i need something to help me and i don't quite believe in writing things down and so what he did was he asked a child now we've been over this in previous talks this would not fly to this day so geiger counters in the modern day and age have been essentially a lot more modernized we no longer just find an arbitrary child and tell them please start counting now don't stop counting i didn't tell you to stop that doesn't fly cps would be around in a minute so what do we do instead well this is where we start to get involved with the internet of things now the question that a lot of us have asked ourselves is are smart light bulbs getting too smart and that's a question really for another talk but regardless of the moral views you may or may not hold about smart light bulbs we do know what they're made of and i hate to tell you this if any of you have taken your smart light bulbs out of your kind of your kitchen your living room taken them down ground them up into a paste put them in your cereal it's so tempting i think this every morning don't do it it's poisonous however sometimes poison can be used on people you don't like so take your light bulbs smart or otherwise smart ones have been really recommended but that was just a word from my sponsors really i'll let you in on a secret you can use dumb light bulbs it doesn't matter they're still poisonous they will still kill your enemies so the we're getting a little off track though the reason that we might want to poison them is not actually to kill them as satisfying as that may be as much as you may hate this person there is an antidote you can just turn off the light bulb but until you give them the antidote you can get them to count and this slide takes me back when i was learning to count when my arch enemy had poisoned me with a ground up light bulb and said learn to count or i will not turn on the antidote i thought back when did i learn to count i was in the caribbean and my parents said to me look out to the bow of this cruise ship and see which animals are jumping and for every animal you see you can imagine a brand new number and so as an example here you see we have dolphins we have cows we only managed to get a capture of these two but there were there were so many of them it was just like Noah and the Ark there were there were turtles splashing about there were sparrows there were even humans so going back to Geiger counting now this couple Alfred Geiger and his wife Alfredo Geiger they wanted to leave a legacy and i believe they may have done so now of course in their era they didn't have any light bulbs so they needed to find other ways to poison people and get them to count but such poisons were very easy to find it was the victorian era you could just go out on the street with a cup so is this the final slide i can't remember but i will summarise anyway and hope i can count to five few that was fantastic thank you very much thank you i think that's it i think that's it so we come to the important part we need to find a winner it's going to involve cheering it is save that energy for the cheers remember cheering is how we work these things out i hope you're all like being loud and if you don't i'll get the scott consulate to do it instead because they're pretty damn loud right so as a reminder and i really hope i get all these names right because i'm from Yorkshire originally and that doesn't lend itself while to pronouncing things so first up i believe we had meck we did have meck i remember him i remember him yeah that that's a good way to remember things i saw that talk earlier with the future of humanity and the rise of machines and potatoes and potatoes that was a little tribute to my own heritage that's that's good then we had joe with the human evolution uh claire uh covering social media yeah very well very very well well run them all through them all again and you can share in a moment yeah we'll give you a shout out wait for it we're just reminding you yep um uh alana a lana who speaks many languages including ones that don't even exist that's a mean all right um that was that that was louis yes yes with louis uh who's unfortunate friend al is no friend of elon i'm going to get sued by elon musk um and then we had our junior entry woodlore row yes great things will happen yes uh we unfortunately give lucy rogers a roaming microphone and for that we apologize she got you on your feet yeah exercise is important yep oh no my phone went off technology yeah i know right and then finally last but certainly not least ben ben who says he doesn't know anything about light bulbs or gager conscious but seem to know quite a bit actually okay so so we will get you to cheer for each of these in turn so we'll start from the top so first up please cheer for mick with the rise of the machines yeah i feel i i i probably shouldn't cheer because that's nepotism but i don't think that's wise no um and then we have joe with the human chicken evolution chicken chicken chicken chicken solid solid uh i believe that's claire next claire with social media everyone wanted a pickle after that one yep uh who is next adam adam adam the evolution of the internet with the fluffy boy clouds fluffy boy i believe we then have onya and then have onya who very ably told us about the sexiest cryptos out there we see you all you cryptid fans we see you uh and then alana with alana with her space space travel that was it has space health and beauty it's on the slide i could just look anyway and then louis uh and getting a suit louis uh he's going to get a suit by elon yep there are lawyers in a chopper um and then we have our junior entry woodrow with the power of emerges woodrow next up is dr lucid orgers warning about the dangers of the singularity yeah everyone's annoyed they had to stand up and then finally ben i think we have a clear winner okay come on up woodrow i think we've got a winner here come claim your prize serious question is there some form of paranormal guardian who wants a picture i've been claiming this prize come on come come get a picture come on nope that is a giant metal bolt congratulations dad you've got to put this somewhere now it has a face look at this there we go all right okay one more big round of applause let's get some credits on the screen so i will i will let it do this because you've provided a whole bunch of this oh okay so uh slides will appear online after the event thank you that uh yeah so thank you very much everyone who came along to support them and thank you so much for our volunteers who did wonderful things we'd like to give them all a big round of applause again yeah big one fantastic so to round off this has been dr Kate Devlin a fantastic speaker what do you do what do i do i'm a i'm an academic working on ai in society um and sex robots i've been froggy i do nothing that would you would follow me about but do follow me on twitter sometimes it's interesting who knows this has been gpt 3 ai powered powerpoint karaoke you've been amazing presenters a fantastic audience give yourselves a round of applause for all this energy and i believe that is it for stage a go forth enjoy electro magnetic field tell your friends tell your family