 What is something that men could look out for when it comes to how a woman wears her hair to differentiate if she's somebody worth, you know what I'm saying, kicking it away or somebody not she for the streets or she dirty or she this. That's a good one. It depends. Okay, so I could say it depends on your day. Like, okay, my day switch up and my outfit change. So maybe I'm at the gym, my hair is slicked back in a ponytail but I'm also about to run to the grocery store and I look the same way to the fact that I'm about to go get dressed for work and I have to make sure my hair's together because I'm a business woman so it all depends on what character you're in in that Pacific time. Let's say you see her out like you're at the mall. Okay. So she's put together, right? Okay. Not super put together but she's put together but like if her hair is frizzy you need to just leave her alone. She don't care about nothing, her bathroom dirty. Like what are something that you could say if a man spots this thing? Period, don't judge a book by its cover. I actually get to know it. That's like mandatory. Like if you- All the time, 24-7. Like maybe she needs you. Yeah, thanks. You know, I feel like God put certain people in your life for a reason. So if you meet a woman or any type of, any women in general and she not taking care of herself, she not cleaning up after herself, then maybe God puts you in her life so you can help her. But I'm asking about things that men, let's say you have a son. Right off bat, he can go ahead and just eliminate this girl. I'm gonna say something. Do it. I'm not even gonna say I 100% agree with this, not 100%. I think that people look at hair color and nail length. If a woman is walking around, I'm just just how I hear people talk about them. If a woman is walking around with cloths, talking with her hands or has like bubblegum pink hair, tie dye rainbow, people are gonna be like, okay, what kind of job do you have? Like you must not work in a corporate center. So what do you do for money? You know, what is the aesthetic that you're going for if you have that type of image? So I think that's the biggest thing that I see. Not gonna lie, I told my little brother she's got blue hair, red hair, run. Red hair? What kind of red though? Like I think that would be cool that I think y'all call it an Auburn, copper, whatever the case may be. I think that would be cool. But like that right there, the Powerpuff Girls. Oh my God. I think that's get up, not acceptable. But then again y'all, that go back to the stereotypes that society has created. So why can't a white woman in yellow hair be classy? Oh, that's a classy woman. That's a nice, that's woman. For me, it's not even her race. Like if a white woman in blue hair be feminist LGBTQ, black woman in blue hair, they cuss everybody out in the nail store. You see certain patterns. And I'm not saying it's a foolproof, she's going to be a bad person. But like I said, my little brother came back to me and he was telling me about a girl he's talking to. And he got to the fact she had blue hair. I'd be like, I proceed with caution. Honestly, I feel the same way. Because if I see a female and she, I'm sorry. If she got long nails and she got blue hair, I'm gonna automatically think like she's ghetto. And I'm a little other way. Cause them be the ones that'll be like, why she looking at me? Or they just have this, and I hate the stereotype, but it's just how it is. You know, before I get to ghetto, what I think personally is like she's bored. Yeah, I would think she's bored, you know, like. Or want to be seen. There's some women, especially, you know, from a male point of view, like, they always have to be stimulated. They don't know how to be bored. They always have to be something. They always have like, it gets to a point where like, you can never do enough for her. Wow. Because she doesn't know how to sit with herself. She's not the one that you want to be in the house with when it's raining and it ain't shit to do. She gonna jump up like, I need to color my hair. She need to do something. You know what I'm saying? I want some blue hair. Maybe it's like an ADD thing, but she wants to, and a lot of times, in a lot of men's experiences, like those women are also problematic. Before we even get to ghetto, they're also problematic. They're also like, you know, mentally maybe unstable and shit like that. See, that gets down to the deeper root. I agree. Well, what is it about the color though? Because if it's a woman who's always changing her hair, do you see that the same way? Absolutely. Why? Because who do you want to be, girl? Absolutely. Because I would question if she knows who she is. Right. I would question if, like I'm talking about like she's changing her every week, like she's playing a new character. Like I couldn't date like a Nicki Minaj. Couldn't do it. Yeah, I was the same way. I used to change my hair every week. And like I said, I felt lost. I didn't know who I was as a teenager. So I changed my hair literally every single week. I had blonde hair, I had black hair, I had braids, I had a sew-in. I wore my real hair. I went natural. I was on all these crazy things with my hair because I was lost. I didn't know who I was. But you don't necessarily have to be lost. You can still know yourself and still want to do different things. But you just still have to remember who you are and get to that mental state of just being calm and just having this one hairstyle for this timeframe. Because I reached that level. I had that journey of life. I experienced that timeframe where I wanted to change my hair but I still knew who I was. So it's not a thing where we tried to dictate a whole different image or be a different person. It's just more so that was just the phase that I was in life at that time. And believe it or not, hair color, we're not gonna make that a bad thing either because it's actually a beautiful thing. Like it depends on your living or what do you do for a living or why you have to change your hair to discover color or like the people outside of you. Like it started then one point in time it was a trend. It was to change your hair color because obviously you got inspired by somebody else to actually do that or do this and then not having a, I can see where you said not knowing yourself because it's just like you're kind of confused because I can pick you back on both. You can inspire by everybody all the time. Being confused on both be has like not knowing. So I think it's important to actually know who you are but to remind yourself that it's okay to do different things in that timeframe. I think especially at our big age, like if we, let's say you get what to do and y'all are trying to save towards a house, y'all are trying to start a business or whatever the case may be. And this woman is committed to being in somebody's salon. See no, that's not the woman for you or what you're looking for for that person. You have to find the person that's actually for you. And that begins to, it's a growth thing. You have to know who you're dealing with. That's mandatory. Like who is the person you're actually dating? Like do you know them on a different level or are you just wasting time? Or are you just having fun? Like know what phase you are in your life at that time. And you have to have, if you look into buy a house, you have to have discipline. You can't just be having unnecessary spending because you want to be the it girl or be in a salon and always have your hair done. Sometimes it's okay. Or you don't know who you are and you're still playing with stuff because that playing cost. That's scary. And then you ain't got time to actually be a real woman and learn the value of saving and how important it is to have emergency money or learning the value of even being a woman. So it all breaks down to a lie. And I'll say this, because this was something that I had happened in one of my relationships. And her response was that I'm doing my hair myself. And what I was trying to explain to her, so my degree is in business. And a big principle that we talk about in business is opportunity cost. For every decision that you don't make, there is a cost based on what you lost, like what you didn't get from not making that decision. And for every decision that you do make, the cost to you is all the decisions you didn't make. So I say that to say, the time that she would be spending doing her hair, this many times a week or this many times every month, she could have been using that time developing a skill. I can relate, I'm a chip in. So me personally, the only time I go get my hair done is if I'm on set and the production is paying for it or if I have to model for something and I have to pay for it to get it done. I'm not just gonna randomly jump up and be like, I need somebody to do my hair, I'm gonna do it myself because I'm at a point where I'm financially mature. And like you said, I'm out here in Atlanta by myself. I don't have time to be getting my hair done, going to Salon every single week, getting my hair done, like it's expensive out here. Because you got other responsibilities. Because I have other responsibilities. So I do my own hair because I gotta save money. I gotta work towards getting a home. I gotta work towards getting my dream car. I got things I want. And for me right now, buying hair is just not in the plan for me right now. If I'm understanding you correctly though, you're saying that even if she is doing her own hair, like you said, being more disciplined. It's kind of like this. When I first moved here, I thought I used to go out a lot, right? And it used to always be free. So for a while it was fun and then I realized, I'm like, even though it was free, I still couldn't use that time to do something else. So you're saying like, it's just because she's always feeling we need to change herself financially. Yes, you might be okay. But time-wise, something that you can't get back on that point. And it takes so much, I mean to say that, it takes so much time to do my own hair to the point where now I'm like, I don't even want to do my hair because it's gonna take way too much time. Like if I want to put some braids in my hair, I might have to stand in the bathroom for like five hours. And I do not have five hours to stand in the bathroom and do my hair. I have too many businesses. I have too many commitments. So I'm gonna rock this until I have the time to do my own hair. And I'm gonna do my own hair until I have the money to get the service done. So it's all about just what you can manage, really. But it's funny how this all comes back full circle, though, because what you just explained is the reason why I don't wear my natural hair out that much, because it does take me two, three, four hours to wash it, detangle it, do whatever I'm doing, twisting it. You know what I'm saying? So it's easier for me to just have a protective style and wear that for three or four weeks because that is me saving time. And so that's another reason going back to why we might wear protective styles. It's too high maintenance for me to try to care for my hair. I work out, I sweat, it shrinks. Like it's just too much that I would have to do throughout the week. So let's talk about Ben. I had a girl tell me that she actually doesn't like when a dude's hair line is too crispy. I like no crispy hair line. She said, the way she explained it, she was like, it's too done up. Like she's trying too hard. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like she wants it to be clean but not too sharp. So with that being said, speaking or putting men on game, what do you guys like to see with men's hair, with black men's hair? I like to see it done first off. I like. What we're talking about is Cesar, we're talking about braids, we're talking about dreads. Okay, so let's just talk about locks for example. Okay, so I don't, me personally, I don't want somebody that can't maintain their hair. Like it's a certain type of time to get it done. Like you got so much new growth, you know when it's time to actually get it twisted and get it clean, like get it look nice. Like don't go four or five months to the point where it's new growth, you can see Dandruff, you know that you need your hair done and washed. Now if we're talking about a guy that's get his hair cut, you know where, okay, waves for example. I like a fresh cut, you look clean, you look nice, okay. But once it starts, like a man should know how to maintenance his hair as much as a woman, you know? Because that's what we care about, y'all should care about your hair. There are some guys out here that has like, what are you, like a nappy fro, is it called a nappy fro? And they don't even like put moisturizer in it or comb it out and make sure it's. That's kind of what I got. But you have curls and I'm pretty sure you wash your hair. Like a lot of men don't wash their hair, then it'd be dirty and then it just grows out and be matted. Like you should take my hair there. Like that type of. Yeah, like you randomly have this hair that gets matted and now you got lots out of a saying, but they all just all over the place. And this, I don't like that. So you don't like the free form, like the Florida look? No, I ain't, I ain't said I'm not going out right now. It would be like. Yeah, just cut it off, you might as well, right? Clean cut. Yeah, clean together, put together nice. Yeah. And that's my question is, I have a suspicion that women don't like too clean. Like there's such a thing as too clean. Cause you'll hear, you'll hear, I've heard women say for instance, I want him to look like he's trying, but not trying too hard. Help me, help me understand that. Cause you see, you know what I'm saying. So what's trying too hard though? I think eyebrows is something for me. Do you remember back in the day where people used to put like cuss in your eyes? That's trying too hard. But a man could get his eyebrows groomed. I like to see that, you know, when you go and get your hair cut, take a little excess hair off on the side. So you don't want it to get to the point where, because I think that what women are saying is that that's borderline feminine for us. And so that's a turn off. So it has to be a little bit of a balance. I don't want you, you can have nice ways. Do I want to see you brushing your hair every 10 minutes? No, not like you're doing too much. So it's balance. So you don't want a high maintenance man? No, I don't want a high maintenance man. But do a high maintenance man want a high maintenance woman? Who always in the mirror. So what are like, can they balance each other out? I'll say this. I've been called a bougie dude. I like, not a high maintenance woman, but a woman who knows how to take care of herself. Yeah. You know what I mean? So like I like the towel around your head and the robe. I like all that shit. Some dudes don't. I like the little phone things between your toes. Cause you get, I like that shit. But yeah, some dudes, they just want you to be able to like, yeah, just rock out with you. You know, I won't say it so. Just rock out. But yeah, but I think, especially nowadays, since we're talking about black women on their feminine journey, we're talking about soft girl life or soft life. Soft girl era, the whole nine. I do think we want to see more women taking care of themselves, but we don't want to see, and we talked about this, we don't want to see you simply just focusing on the aesthetic. Yes, actually living your real life. Living your real life, improving yourself as a woman, not just how you look as a woman. So last question, we'll close this out. What does soft life, soft girl era looks like? Look like, what does it mean to you? And if you can relate it to hair, that would be even better. You can go for it. Oh, I see it's on your head. Like it's on your head. It was so formulate, okay. Soft girl era to me is the opposite of what we're seeing on TikTok. Because I think that for a lot of women, we are kind of trapped in this masculine slash wounded femininity state. And so to stray away from that, we have to face our traumas, right? Do a lot of breaking generational cycles, curses, and that's painful. So to me, that looks like therapy. That looks like you're doing shadow work, figuring out where your flaws are, where your shortcomings are. And it is very hard. It is a very hard journey. So I think that in terms of hair, I think that when you can truly embrace more natural styles, I really feel like that makes a difference. As I've gotten, and I think it's kind of like a little bit of a journey. So even if you're still wearing protective styles, what type of styles are you wearing? Are they natural looking styles? Are you doing a lot? You know, things like that, I think that kind of progresses as you begin to feel more comfortable with yourself. And you stray away from, like we were saying, those Eurocentric beauty standards. So related to hair, like I already told y'all, I think froes are beautiful. So I think whatever your natural state is, rocking out with that, that's like top tier. You're in your element. Like you're super comfortable within yourself. I like that. Absolutely. I can agree. Y'all got anything to add? Soft care era. Learn actually learning self love. Like learning to actually love yourself. Like I feel like that's so, that's the most important as a woman. You have to learn how to love yourself because too many women is like, just to say it, too many women is out here searching for things that they never had. Because it's a missing piece instead of actually looking within yourself and actually learning it and gaining the knowledge of one's beauty. Like it gets deeper to where you are already aware of the things that you're trying to get from somebody else. You know how to find it yourself. Or you know how to actually find things that's suitable for you. Like a lot of women, what I finally realize is, they go out to find these perfect men instead of just enjoying their own self love life and letting that man attracts to them. And it could be the perfect person for them. But soft care era is just learning the value of oneself and actually getting into them with you and enjoying your long time and actually finding things that's suitable for you or that makes you happy or learning new things and learning new skills as you begin to grow and develop into a new person. Because it's never an end in cycle. We're just only gonna get older and it's like we have to keep inspiring the people that's not aware or actually, I feel like it's important to actually motivate women to love who you are. Like love who you are, know that you're important. Know that your beauty matters. Like you don't have to be like the next person. Like be soft with yourself. Like you don't always have to prove a point to social media because it's gonna always be there. Like I finally realized to love my private life more than anything else. Like who I am in private is just so beautiful. Then who y'all see? Like the people love me. Like on the humble, like I'm a good person. I don't wanna be a bad person. Like some people are rooted evil or come off mad and angry and aggressive based off who they is and they haven't found self-love within. So it's just air as a phase to actually learn who you are and find understanding in the person that you're trying to be. Like who are you really trying to be? This person on the social media account who you have to like keep up with and watch 24 seven instead of actually learning who you are, who you look at in the mirror and why you actually matter. So soft girl era can go different ways. How you interpret it, how you take it in and how you actually accepted it. Absolutely. Soft girl era for me, I feel like I haven't reached that place yet. So I feel like it's everything that I'm working towards. Where I can get a service and not have to worry about, oh, it's not in my budget this month. Where I can take care of me fully, truly and wholly. I wanna reach a place in my life where it can be all about taking care of me. Right, that's what soft girl era is. It could be about all about taking care of me but also about where a man can also take care of me. Where I can allow a man to do that. Where I don't have, where I can be vulnerable, where I can truly be soft and be open to receiving a man's love. And I feel like I wanna walk into that space where he can give me flowers. See now I need to reach that element of life because I haven't reached that. And I ain't looking at that like that. Like now you just did it different. But my soft girl era was different from yours because of me. So now I've realized that I've, okay, so this goes to hold another topic that's gonna kinda like blow your mind. This is probably why I'm attracted to women and not men based off now allowing a man to actually take upon the needs. So now it goes a whole different level in the atmosphere of what I'm allowing. It's actually what you allow in your platform, in your space, in your circle and actually taking the time to have discipline and also just being aware. Cause it goes to how do you treat a soft girl? You know? Like how does a soft girl deserve to be treated? Like how do you earn that? How do you carry yourself? So it's like I wanna walk into that space where a man can see me and be like, she deserve flowers today. He's aware and you don't have to remind him. And he know it. Like he just look at you and he just know like you that girl, you the woman of my dreams. You deserve flowers. I'm gonna rub your feet after work. A lot of men I like that though. I wanna be treated soft. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Here's the thing, right? And I talk about this a lot. A lot of women want the benefits with none of the responsibility. Same goes for marriage. A lot of women want weddings but not marriages, right? And what I mean by that is like even with this whole soft girl era thing we see a lot of women talking about being in the robe and being on a yacht in Dubai in a thong and this, this and that. But are you gonna help that man get to the point of having a yacht in Dubai? And that's why I said. Are you gonna have a meal ready for him when he's busting his ass doing the work necessary to get to the point where he can pamper you and put you in the four seasons and shit like that. A lot of women just wanna be sugar babies instead of like a woman to a man. Yeah, that's so true. But why is that? Because they just, I keep saying they like, I'm not a woman. I'm not a woman. So now I'm looking at my inner self like, certain women just feel like it's still supposed to be given to them. Like, yes, you're the prize. Yes, a man should want you. But what are you doing? That's another podcast. That's another episode. But it's like, what are you gonna do for me? Like, you gotta bring value too. But I just feel like men, women have this idea that everything gotta be given to them in order to prove that he the one. But how are you gonna prove to me that you the one? And you know, when we're talking about like this whole table conversation that we can't have now. Because this is a long conversation. But I think that's all men are saying. That's all men are saying is like, in exchange for everything that you demand of me as a man, what do I get from you? A lot of women are just like putting themselves on the table and saying, this is what you get. You get pussy. That's not enough. That's not enough. And it's like, where did we learn that? Who taught us that? Why is that? Why is it a thing? That might be upsetting. Why is it a thing? Because I'm ready. I got a lot to say. That might be episode two. Is it because most or some men only want that? So we think that's all they want? I think it looks that way. We shall see. It looks that way. But I wanna thank you guys for joining me today on episode one of The Traveling Podcast here in Atlanta, Georgia. You know, round of applause. So I got sound effects. This can do round of applause, but it wasn't working just now. Y'all hear? Hear, hear. Hear, hear, hear. But yeah, I appreciate y'all. Y'all thank you for tuning in. And yeah, I'll see you next time. See you next time, cause we will be back.