 J-T-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Haronson is orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with overnight from thin ice. The right dinner can make a success of almost any day, and the right dessert can make a success of any dinner. And I believe the right dessert is Jell-O, for everybody likes Jell-O. It's so attractive, so tempting, so downright delicious. No other gelatin dessert brings you Jell-O's extra-rich fruit flavor. No other can top it for bright, luscious colors and rich, satisfying fruit goodness. And you can serve Jell-O in so many different ways. Serve it plain, a glowing mold of colorful Jell-O decorated with fluffy whipped cream. Or use one of the attractive recipes which are on every Jell-O package. They're all easy to make and inexpensive, and you'll like them. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O, for there is only one Jell-O. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Overnight from thin ice played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a rag, a bone, and a hank of gray hair, Jack Benny. Well, Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny, the Silver Fox talking. And, Don, that was a nice literary introduction you gave me. I didn't know you were so familiar with Shakespeare. Why, Shakespeare didn't write that, uh, Jack, you know, a rag, a bone. Jack's the name, Don. Yeah, Jack, is that the name? Well, I'm so glad. Well, anyway, Shakespeare didn't write it, Jack. You know, a rag, a bone, and a hank of hair was written by Rudyard Kipley. Oh, did Kipley whip that one up? Yes, but adding the word gray was my own idea. Well, ain't you the one. But I didn't mind that, Don. I'm quite proud of my gray hair. Besides, it's not due to age. I'm just, uh, prematurely gray. Oh, prematurely. Yeah, it's up to the age of 19. My hair was as black as the ace of spades. Well, what happened? Mother nature trumped it. The last time I'll play cards with her. Oh, don't worry about it, Jack. Personally, I like your gray hair. Oh, do you feel? Yes, it matches your complexion. So it does, eh? Anyway, you should talk about someone else's hair with those curly locks you've got. What's the matter with them? You look like a big fat Shirley Temple. Oh, yeah? Well, you look like George Arliss 20 years from now. Is that so? Well, I don't mind looking like George Arliss. He's one of our greatest actors. That's where the resemblance ends. Get a load of Phil's hair, folks. So wavy, seagulls follow him down the street. Yours is so dead buzzards follow you. Hmm, that's fine talk. Boys, boys, now what's going on here? Nothing down. We're just giving each other the bird. Wow, that was a hot one. The audience will cool it off. Not tonight, Phil. I'm a little too fast for you. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack, did I miss anything? Oh, nothing much. Don started kidding me about my gray hair, and then Phil picked it up. Who's got it now? Mary, I'm talking about my own hair. Oh, those. Yes. Yes, those. I still got plenty of hair left. Yeah, stick a palm tree on your head, and you'll have an oasis. Well, that's silly. Imagine a palm tree on my head. You could have monkeys for dandruff. Oh, Mary, that was a good one. Thanks, Phil. Yes, you two are so clever. Why don't you get your own program? Oh, Jack, we wouldn't leave you. No, you're too good a sooch. Well, I'm glad you appreciate my humble efforts. Oh, Jack, look, here comes our wandering boy. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Kenny. Hello. My Kenny, what's the matter with you? Oh, nothing. I'm just burned up, that's all. About what? Oh, I had another fight with my girl. That's all we do lately. Fight, fight, fight. Well, don't take it to heart, Kenny. Those are just lovers quarrels. That's all what happened. Oh, she invites me over to her house all the time, and after I get there, all she does is make fudge for me. Fudge? Well, what's wrong with that? She won't put nuts in it. Now, isn't that awful? I don't see how you put up with it. Oh, and that's not all. Every night when I ask her to go to a movie, she wants to play post office instead. Boy, is she dumb. What's dumb about playing post office? It isn't even open at night. Why, Kenny, post office is a kissing game. Haven't you ever played it? No, how does it go? It's very simple. They call out your name in the name of a girl, and then you go out in the next room and you kiss her. Then what do you do? That's all there is, Kenny. That's the game. Well, that's the silliest thing I ever heard of. It's not silly. Everybody has played post office. Sure, it's lots of fun. Why, I've played it a million times. Of course. Did you ever play it, Phil? Yes. Oh, then come on, Mary. Show Kenny how it goes. Now, look, Kenny, Mary's supposed to be in another room, and I'm the postman. So I send you to Mary to get the letter. Isn't that the way it starts, Phil? I never bother with the preliminaries. Now, come on, Kenny. Put your arms, put your arms around Mary. Like this? Get your elbow out of my ear. Come on, Kenny. Put your arms around her. I'll bet this is a trap. It is not. Go ahead. Now, don't be afraid. I'm not afraid. Then why are you trembling? Hey, everything helps. That's right. Now, now kiss him, Mary. What? Kiss him. Go ahead. Kiss Kenny. Oh, you play with him, Jack. Oh, well, let's forget the whole thing. Kenny will never learn the game. Well, let him wait till the post office opens. Yeah. Hi, you buck. How about let me in on this? Oh, hello, Andy. Hello. Hi, Andy. I didn't hear you walk in. You were so quiet. Don't go in. I forgot my shoes. What's going on here anyway? Oh, we're just showing Kenny how to play post office. Do you want to play? Hold my coat, buck. Who's the victim? Well. Good night, Jack. Now, come back here, Mary. Say, buck, I listened to your program last week. Are you on the level about wanting to get rid of your old Max well? Yes, I am, Andy. Would you like to buy my car? Well, that all depends. Depends on what? Whether he's crazy or not. Now, quiet, Mary. We're talking business. Say, buck, what do you want? What do you want for your car? Well, Andy, I started out asking $95, but I'll probably end up with 80. I don't think you'll even finish in the money. Now, look, Andy, are you interested in my car or not? Well, Pa and Ma were discussing it last night, and Pa thought I ought to buy it. He did? Yeah, but Ma changed his mind with the right cross to the chin. Well, I'm sorry your Pa got in wrong on account of my car. Don't worry about him. When he comes to you, he'll run her bull legged. Well, look, Andy, let you and I go over here in the corner. I'll make you a nice proposition on that Maxwell. OK, buck. Sing, Kenny. Now, look here, Andy, despite all rumors, my car is in excellent condition. Why, that Maxwell is good to the last drop. And another thing. Just look what love can do. That ought to be Times Square. But it's a God. Kenny Baker, as fine a tenor as these old ears have ever heard and these old eyes have ever seen. Very well done, my lad. Yowza, yowza. Gee, that sounds just like Ben Burnie. Ben Burnie? Yes. Why don't you be original? I wasn't imitating Bernie. I've always said yowza. Even when I was a little baby, I used to say yowza. That's funny. When I was a baby, I used to say dada. Well, that was popular, too, yes. You know, Jack, when I was a baby, I used to say glub glub. Well, Don, some... Some babies used to say dada and some glub glub. I was the Goo Goo type. Well, that shows you there are all kinds of... What kind of a baby were you, Phil? Bottle. Oh. Well, put it away while we're broadcasting. Say, Buck. Yes, Andy? You may not believe this, but when I was a baby, I was the prettiest thing you ever saw. Shoot at the devil. I'll bet you were, Thad. I had blue eyes and blonde curls and dimples all over my face. Dimples all over your face? Yeah, I looked like a golf ball. You did? Yes, there are more used to put me to sleep with a niblix. Well, Andy, didn't your paw object? He was caddying. Quiet. Well, Andy, you're still cute. You really are. I might even add that you're handsome. Oh, you just said that to make me feel good. And it sure got results. Well, we can't say cute forever. We all get older, you know. Time marches on. Must accept on, Andy. Marry. Say, Buck, I got a picture of me here taking when I was six months old. Want to see it? Sure, I'd love to. Here you are. Oh, isn't that adorable. Let me see it, Jack. Me too. Say, that's really something. Six months, oh, gee. But you know, Andy, I don't seem to recognize you in this picture. Well, I'll tell you, Buck, they never could get me to face the camera. Oh, I see. You can't tell me from Robert Taylor there. Hey, that's right, Andy. Say, Mary, isn't this a cute picture? Yeah, but his ears are awfully big for a baby. I noticed that too. They are at that. Gee, Andy, do you really have such big ears? Yeah, they had to luck me up during the rabbit season. Well, here's your picture back, Andy, and don't you ever lose it. I won't. You know, fellas, all this talk about babies kind of makes you stop and think, doesn't it? It's the mystery of life. We're born. We cry. We grow up. We mature. And yet, what are we? I'm a Republican. Tanny. I don't know, fellas. It's a problem, isn't it? We start from the cradle, just babies. And then it seems like, I don't know, it seems like overnight we're transformed into full-time babies. And yet, do we really change? Do we really blossom? Oh, shut up. Well, there's no use trying to be a philosopher around here. You know, Jack, I hardly agree with you in your philosophy. You're absolutely right. Thanks, Don. We don't really change. When we're babies, our mothers feed us jello, and we love it. How true, Don. How true. And then we're children, and those six delicious flavors are just as tempting to us. Yeah, man. Bill. And then as time passes on, as the years go drifting by, we become men. Hooray! Tanny, stop showing off. You're always bouncing at the wrong time. Well, I want to be a man. Write a letter to Santa Claus. I'm sorry they butted in, Don. Is there anything else you wanted to say? Oh, just oodles, but I'll save it for later. Thank you. We'll all be waiting. And now, ladies and gentlemen, while we're waiting, Phil Harris and his orchestra will play Who from Sunny. Hit it, Phil. Now, wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Would you like to see my baby picture? No, I wouldn't. Then I won't have one taken. Goodbye. You know, fellas, I'll bet $8. He's nuts. There was a brand new number called Who from Sunny. Played? No. Learning some new tunes, Phil, played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as this is the climax of the football season, and it being such a popular sport, tonight we are going to present a little drama of the gridiron entitled The Big Game, or Button Button Who's Got the Ball. Owing to the shortage of actors, I will play a double role, that of the coach, also the star quarterback, flashback, to hear that, Mary, I'm playing two parts. Yes, Ham. Now, Kenny Baker will, I'm ignoring that, Mary. Thank you. Kenny Baker will be right in, Phil Harris will be half back, Andy Devine will be full back, and Don Wilson will be the rest of the team. And remember, Don, football will not be made of jello. Then don't expect me to carry it. Hmm, fine college spirit. Are we all set, fellas? Wait a minute. What am I doing? Well, Mary, we're short of men, so you'll have to be one of the players. Okay, just call me butch. I remember, Mary, you got to get out there and fight. Don't worry, I'll flug them. That's fine. What are you here from the mob? I don't overdo it. Now, folks, the scene of our play is Flatfoot College, located... Flatfoot College, located in the thriving little town of arts supporter, Nebraska. Now, as the scene opens, the first half has just ended in the big game with Meatball Tech. The coach is giving his team a pep talk in the locker room. Curtain. The score is nothing to nothing. You're playing like a lot of jellyfish. Now, this half, you'll have to get out there and fight. Fight for dear old Flatfoot. Are we going to let Meatball beat us? Are we going to let him cross our goal line? Are we going to let him win? We always do. Now, this time it's going to be different. Now, listen, man, we're up against a tough outfit. Keep your eyes open this half. Meatball's got something up their sleeve. I'll bet it's spaghetti. Quiet, Butch. Now, get this all of you. We're going out there and we're going to win. I want all of you to be up on your toes and stay there. We're going to look awful silly. And you, Harris, you're the most conspicuous player on the field. What's the idea of wearing a steel helmet? I ain't going to get my hair must. Fine cooperation. Why can't you be like divine here? He was in there slugging and biting every minute. Why, he's the most alert man on the team. Yeah, who are we playing? That's his stuff. And you, Baker, listen to me, you're a disgrace to the good name of Flatfoot. You're out there playing. You don't even know the signals. I do, too. What are they? Red means stop and green means go. Now, why don't you remember that when you're out in the field? And you, Livingston, step out here. Yes, Coach. Coach. I'm the coach. I mean, coach. Now, get this, Livingston. You're supposed to be playing football all during the first quarter. You're up in the grandstand. What are you doing there? I had a date with a raccoon coach. Was there a man in it? I hope so. We're going out tonight. The fine team. What a bunch of nitwits. I resent that. Look who's resenting. But it's true. There isn't a football player among you. Now, wait a minute, coach. You're balling us out. What about Benny? He's the worst quarterback we've ever had. He's the worst quarterback we've ever had. I'm getting to him. Come here, Benny. What happened to you? Were you asleep out there? I did the best I could, sir. You did the best. You're the laziest, dopiest player on the team. You ought to know. What? You're the worst guy. I'm sorry you're me. Now, get out there, boys, and fight. We can't lose unless meet ball keeps on cheating. Cheating? Yes, they have 11 men on their team. But coach, every football team has 11 men. They have? They have? They have? They have? They have? Garnard, I was thinking of baseball. I get out there in the field, boys, and you, Benny, snap into it. I'll try, sir. Now let's go out and win. Come on. Hey Coach, watch that in your hair. We are alumni. There always there. Let's go, boys. Here we are, folks. The second half is about to begin. Meet ball is already on the field. Here comes the flat foot team, folks, led by Flash Benny. This is a cheering section. Yeah, flat foot. Team Flatwood, rickety racks, go-acks, go-acks, Dr. Jordan, rake their back, rake! Football cheering section. Yeah, out of town to thug, send them home to the wooden box. Folks, what a fine display of sportsmanship. The last half is about to start. The crowd is getting restless. Rake! They're lining up. Meatball is about to kick off the Flatwood. Flatwood receiving in V-Formation. And there's the kick. There goes the ball up, up, up, up. It won't come down, folks. They're going to kick over again. They're lining up, and there's the kick. Oh, it's a beauty. There it goes. Kenny Baker of Flatwood receives the ball, which immediately throws Kenny for a 10-yard loss. He's badly shaken. Let's hear what they're saying. Take it away, field! Woo! Now listen, fellas, we're on our own two-yard line. But don't get nervous. Yeah, what do we got to lose? Two yards. Never mind, we've got to make a game. I know, we'll try our secret pyramid formation play. You remember how it goes, Harris? No, hum a little of it. Now look, Harris, look at here. You get up on Baker's shoulder, and I'll throw the ball to you. So when they rush in, the ball will be out of reach. You get it, Baker? Yeah, I'll be killed. Now wait a minute, hold everything. What's this guy doing in our huddle? He looks like a spy for meatballs. I'm John Wilson, your own center, right guard, left guard, and right tackle. Oh, where's my other tackle? Gone fishing. What, without us worms? Now come on, fellas, let's line up. I'll call signal. I want to call signal. Oh, no, all you did last half was yell out your telephone number. We want to get results. So do I. Hey, Flange, what do you want me to do? Run out and get me a hot dog. Get me one, too. OK. Come on, come on, come on. What do you throw on the floor? Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on. Quiet, meatballs. Don't get saucy. Now let's get going. Line up, fellas. Ready? Signals, 72, 23, height. There it is, folks. The famous pyramid formation play. Can't tell what happened yet. It was a loss. The ball's on the half yard line. Baker is unconscious and Harris. Where's Harris? Oh, there he is, hanging on the goal post. They're trying to revive Baker. Take it away, field. Hey, this is awful. Poor Kenny, I wonder if he'll come, too. If I do, it'll be the first time. Now listen, fellas, let's try our famous hidden ball play. Lay off of that one, Flash. Yeah, last time we tried it, we couldn't find the ball for a month. That's right. Here's your hot dog. Well, give me a bite. Here, Piggy. Hey, Andy, run out and get me one. Oh, gee, I want to play. Now come on, fellas, we only got 99 yards to go. Guys, shall we go in some place? Quiet, Baker. Now look, fellas. They keep pushing us back time after time. I know what we'll do. I'll carry the ball myself. Here we go again. Oh, yeah, line up there. I'll show you. How do I play, gentlemen? Come on, now, signal. 11, 22, 14. Bingo. No height. Hit him, fellas. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. There's the play, folks. The ball is snapped to Benny. And Kenny Baker is immediately knocked out. They got Benny. No, he twists and turns and crashes right through a meatball. There he goes down the field, folks. Wait, Benny is tackled. No, Benny's pants are tackled. Benny is free. He's wearing pink underwear, folks. I am not. He's a cinch for a touchdown. Wow, look at him run. 15 yards, 20 yards, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. Pull over to the sideline. Where do you think you're going? But officer, I'm on my way to a touchdown. Yeah, that's what they all say. Let's see your players license. But gee, officer, I was only going 70. Well, the limit here is 35. And why didn't you stick out your hand when you passed that left hand? Well, how do you think I knocked him down? Oh, a wise guy, eh? Come on with me. I'm going to make this touchdown first. Oh, no, you're not. I'm not, eh? Then take this. Folks, what a fight. Benny leaves with a right to the jaw. The cop counts with a stiff uppercut, which catches Benny off guard. What a sock. Benny is wobbly. He's down. He's trying to get up, but he can't make it. The count is four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. He's out. Meatball wins, 10 to nothing. Just a moment, folks. We'll bring the contestants to the microphone. The winner, Officer Murphy. It was a great fight, but the best man won. And now the loser, Flash Benny. I was robbed. Put on the soup, Ma. I'll be right home. Here's a grand dessert for this time of year, and it's easy to prepare. It's called orange marshmallow mold, and it will bring a cheerful dash of sunshine to your December menu. It's a rich and delicious combination of bright orange jello, ripe oranges, and creamy marshmallows. And here's the way you make it. Dissolve one package of orange jello, chill until slightly thickened, then fold in two diced oranges and eight marshmallows cut in quarters. Chill until firm, turn out on a platter, and you have one of the most attractive desserts you ever served, orange marshmallow mold. So try this swell dessert tomorrow, but be sure to make it with the one and only genuine jello. Listen, Mama, this is the last number of the 10th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. What? What are you laughing at, Mary? Mama says good night, folks. Melody Who from the production, Sonny, is written by Jerome Kern. Kenny Baker affairs on the jello program through the courtesy of Mervyn Arroy Productions. This is an actual broadcasting company.