 Alright, um, we need again and by the time this video just know that I am not going to be editing this video at all Because I know for a fact that I'm going to edit important parts out and also because I'm pretty lazy right now But all right shoot have to do this right so I reached 1,000 subscribers one week ago and I realized everything on my channel has been either ranty positive or just stupid and And I haven't really touched on some serious issues in my life or just personal stuff So the stripped down challenge is basically you talk for 10 minutes and how my timer setting right now So I should pretty I should start pretty soon, and I'm gonna be looking at my iPad So just don't pay attention to that and just know that this can be a rambly. It's gonna be negative it's gonna be serious and Yeah, I tend to forget stuff so I'm gonna go and if you think this is for attention, don't even try with me Okay, I'm not gonna even argue with that So this message is this video is basically a message to my new friends and my old friends back in South Carolina because I believe you guys have a right to know The bad parts of my life and because I haven't even told it to my old friends And I haven't told them my experience with this movie well my life can be described as a roller coaster and So far I've been through five major dips and I have a ring light. So that's why it's a new setup So the biggest one I think Was coming to terms with myself and basically that was the summer after 8th grade. I Didn't go through depression. I just went through a serious time the first serious moment in my life Where it's like, okay, I'm gay. I Need to know what to do how to do it and how to make my life positive and not turn it into The negative lives that some people do have and that's what I mentioned on my channel live Which is my biggest change. That's when I just changed my hairstyle everything like my wardrobe my veganism But it wasn't really bad because it led to the best three months I've ever had in my life and that's when it leads to one of the worst three months of my whole life Which was coming out to my parents. That's the second dip Let's see So my relationship with my dad has never been the best You know, he's that kind of father who wants his son to do sports, you know go fishing with him Which I can't do because I'm vegan and just You know hanging with the boys and as a child I've always hung out with girls. I never really brought friends over I was always on my iPad laptop and just playing games And I like shopping a lot So my dad knew that I wasn't really the manly son he wanted And the reason why it was a really sad part coming out to my parents not because my mom Okay, I know most parents they freak out momy tell them and I respected that and I give them time My mom is fine with it now. She just asked some stupid questions every now and then My dad hasn't been that well And I'm probably not gonna show emotion on this because I don't know how to show emotion on a camera. It's weird I never cried in one but You know, he would tell me like my whole life is wrong. I still have talks with him to this day at the dinner table and that's not really good and You know, I was I was almost kicked up by my parents They almost disowned me and I was threatening to leave also But my sister told me wrong and I'm so glad my sister said that But yeah, so my dad basically told me my whole life is a mistake and I'm a mistake And I'm probably gonna go to hell And that's fine Then came the third the dip which was probably the worst or not one of the worst ones because it had such a Bad timing. I just recovered from coming out and then the next thing I know I'm moving and That first of all, like I didn't know how to feel I mean I heard so many things about people moving and they go through depression and stuff It's like I'm not I told myself that ain't gonna happen. You know never never to me so I kind of Subdued it from my life. I never really brought it up to my friends until like last minute But then I started break down. I would say It was Right before summer break because I realized this is the last time I'm gonna see all of my friends and Just thinking about me going away from them It was it was a hard time Just you know to my old friends at South Carolina If you could give this video to my math teacher who you I know, you know who that is that would be a great Um, I think she wants to know how my life is going to all the other friends Who don't know this channel that be awesome too and thank you for watching me and supporting me Then came the fourth dip which was me about to move and that was when the Orlando shooting happened And what sucks is that every dip I have the moment I recover I get like a week like one week then I go back into another three months of just sadness and not Depression but like people can tell when I'm not myself And I'm glad they can tell because it shows I show my emotions a lot and You know my grades dropped every single dip which wasn't really good personality went through some phases eating habits change I Remember like staying in my bed all day just crying over my friends Even I'm not showing emotion right now and I'll go through so many tissues and ice cream And I also lost my best friend or I almost lost my best friend which was one of the scariest moments in my life because You know who wants to lose their best friend, but I'm glad I told myself not to do that and I fixed that But go into that fourth dip You know after the shooting I was as the person who was part of the LGBT community you get scared of even like Showing any form of the stereotypes you get scared of going out of your house you get scared of being in public and just Just knowing what could happen at any time and that was also when Christina Grammy was killed So that wasn't good either And lastly It was the move and not during the move because that was fine, but after the move Because once I got here, you know, it's like three months of doing nothing. You have no friends You have no sports Don't you have two people to talk to and that's your parents and you don't know the area at all So I went shopping. I ate food, you know, I saw stuff and that was good But when you think about it on long terms, it's slowly Like your emotions start to build because there's no one to talk to and for me personally, I can't talk over social media It's so hard for me to do that. I have to be in front of a person and that is when I consider myself Going through a minor depression because I searched up the symptoms because I was just curious and you know they were dead on and it was just a weird realization and Also during the move I started to develop a social anxiety I remember going to Costco and it looked so much like the one in South Carolina that I had a breakdown. I never told anyone this I think and After that, I realized, you know, wow, I haven't been in public for so long, you know, I have I forgot how to socialize I should get out more, but I don't know where people go. So that wasn't really good To this day, I still it's hard for me to talk to guys, you know, I freak out over the locker room all the time But it's not a big deal. I mean, it's just I Know I can't go into sports because I will cry I remember we had fire drills during like fourth period and when I walked out there You know, I was filled with juniors because I'm in a pre-cal class and everyone else is now number two And I almost cried too because there was no one to talk to Which I think was pretty sad, but that's fine. I mean that that's not a big issue and then Let's see On the first day of school, I didn't say it on my video But I cried after because you know first day of school is hard you meet new people I did meet new friends and I'm so grateful I have them. Thank you guys. Just so you know But I remember in math class since I was so it's emotionally attached to my old math teacher seeing a new one That almost brought me a tears as well, but I just I had to hide it. I mean, I can't cry in front of public like that and then obviously we I still had talks with my dad about homosexuality and You know that I'm I don't care about that. He can't hurt me that much anymore. Just I've learned how to make an intolerance to him or just be tolerant with him and but the problem that's probably gonna be with me for the rest of This high school like life is social media Obviously, I make YouTube videos. Um, I have a Twitter have an Instagram and have a snapchat and when I moved I Had a had it in the back of my mind that like I might be sad looking on my friends But I never thought it would go so far Because I deleted all my photos on Instagram. You can go check right now if you haven't Um, I deleted snapchat for two days and I lost a lot of streaks and I even I didn't even tell them like why and this is why it's because It's hard for me to look at people who I once knew through snapchat because snapchat to me is really personal And seeing their faces it obviously may be sad and that's why sometimes I don't respond to people after that And on Instagram, you know seeing people's lives seeing them with other friends And seeing ultimate frisbee people like that It's just hard to see So I don't go on Instagram. I still snapchat sometimes, but I can't look at stories still And don't think I will ever be able to Until maybe I graduate. I think that's it. Those are the five major dips in my life And that's the end of the video make sure you like and subscribe and you know, I'm gonna stop That's not appropriate, but thank you guys so much for 1000 subscribers It me you don't know how much it means to me to see that there are people who support me and have Watch me go through these hard times, especially on the live streams because it gets so personal. It's just a chill live stream, which I do every night around like 8 o'clock and yeah Thanks for going on this adventure with me and I post videos every Saturday Everything is less than three And I should probably turn the camera off shouldn't I? Is this the thing even on? Oh, it is. All right. Bye guys