 Okay, so if you're out there dating and you're not exclusive with anybody, my suggestion is that you start dating multiple people. If you're dating and you want to be in a relationship where you're made the priority, you want to be loved, you want him to step up and do the things that you really want a man to do in a relationship, my suggestion is that you date multiple people. And today, I'm going to be talking about how and why to date multiple people. There seems to be a lot of confusion about this in the community. And so I thought I would get on here and talk exactly all about this. So my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you're really serious about getting into a great relationship where you're loved and seen and cherished, you should pick up a copy of my Forever Woman program. You can get it at theforeverwomanformula.com. There should be a link above or below this. This content actually comes from that, so it's a piece of it. So why date multiple men? So one of the biggest reasons is something that I call a position of power. And a position of power is, if you're not familiar with this, when you get into a relationship, the initial dating phases, whether we want it to be like this or not, there's usually some kind of like power dynamic that's going on there. And that power dynamic determines how attracted two people are to each other. And so if two people look at each other and they see each other as these high value powerful from a dating standpoint, people, they look at each other and they feel really, really attracted to each other. That's when you look at another person and you're just like totally into them. And if one person has a lot of power in the situation and the other person is like totally fawning over the person and the guy's like, I'm kind of into her. She's like, I'm only kind of into him. Then it kind of pushes that person away and there's one person kind of pining over the other person and the other person's like not into the other person and it gets worse and worse and worse. And a position of power, what it does is it sets you up for success, no matter what. And it puts you into a position where the other person is far more likely, if they're already initially attracted to you, they're far more likely to be more attracted to you over time and it develops and it develops and it develops instead of that person being really into you and then it declining or that person being kind of into you and it declining or whatever. It's not going to decline if you put yourself into a position of power and the most powerful position you can be in is a position where you're willing to walk away from a situation and you're far more willing to walk away from a bad situation if you're dating multiple people. And the second reason is something I call the abundance principle. And the abundance principle is about being less needy, about being less desperate and instead acting like a woman who actually values herself and you're far more likely to do this. You're far more likely to experience abundance and come from a mindset of abundance when you actually have abundance and the easiest and fastest and most powerful way to do that is to date multiple men. That way you actually experience having abundance and it's not just this concept that you have in your mind and what you'll end up doing is you'll lose a lot of that neediness, that insecurity that you have because you have abundance and it's not like, oh, it's got to work with this one person or it's just going to blow up and so I got to do everything that I can. I got to make it work and I'm going to work so hard. This is my work so hard kind of thing that I do. And so if you're focused on one thing and things go wrong, if he pulls away, he starts bread crumbing you, he treats you as an option, he says he doesn't want anything serious, it can completely destroy your world. If you have multiple guys and one guy isn't stepping up, who cares because you have other guys that you can go and date and he has to step up and put in more effort and compete with other men. And most of the time he's not even consciously aware of this, he just feels it in you. And so you end up with a better partner, you end up in a better situation, everything ends up better. If you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from. It's really cool to see all these women from all over the world watching these live streams that we do here. So next I just want to go over some of the biggest mistakes that women do when they're dating multiple men. Some of these things, it can happen, it happens to lots of people, I see it happening to women in the community and it's a real legitimate concern that you need to think about. These are real legitimate concerns. So the first one is turning into a serial data. And so basically what ends up happening when you become a serial data is you become afraid of settling for one person because it's easier just to keep your options open and not get into a situation that's serious and committed and all that kind of stuff. And this happens with men and women, it's happening all over the place right now in the world of the hookup culture because a lot of people have more options than they've ever had before and so there's always something new going on and people are swiping and so they're constantly distracted by things which is why one of the reasons I suggest dating people offline instead of always being online because it opens up your world to these people that aren't constantly dating tons and tons of other people. And so you don't want to end up turning into a serial data. You don't want to be somebody that doesn't end up being in any one situation because you just want to keep your options open. You're afraid of what might happen and getting hurt and all that kind of stuff. The next one is dating too many men at the same time and what happens here is things can go crazy and next thing you know you don't even remember who's what and what's who and what was that story and did I tell them about this and all these different things and I forgot his name again, all that kind of stuff ends up happening if you end up dating too many men at the same time. I mean you can just date two, three guys and that can be totally fine. You don't need to date 12. So the next one is becoming completely numb to the men that you date and this kind of goes to the other one that I was just talking about which is getting kind of emotionally disattached from the entire dating thing and it's like you're going on one date after the next after the next and you're just like not even engaging really not even really present to it and that can end up happening. Another one is just going through the motions which is kind of the same one and the next one is giving up on men for any little thing that you don't like so one of the challenges that comes with abundance because it's a much better place to be than being in a place of scarcity where you're like you know trying to grab on it's like I gotta I gotta attach myself and please don't leave me right it's better than that it's way way way better than that but if you if you jump to the other side right the extremes I always talk about the extremes extremes are the bad places to be if you jump on the other side what what can end up happening is you can give up on men for any little thing you don't like and you're like you know what I don't like the way that his hair is right now or he didn't pull out the chair that one time for me and you know what it's just it's it's over with him right and and so you don't want to give up on the little things that aren't really important things and end up missing out on a great relationship because you're just giving up on things too easily and you become too detached and all that kind of stuff so be aware of those kinds of things another one is sleeping around I do not suggest that you sleep around I suggest that you don't sleep around and when you get physically intimate with someone you close yourself off to others most of the time and you're more likely to get attached to that one person and then that the whole thing about dating multiple men goes away because now you're attached to this one person again and so you're not making great decisions and so I suggest that you don't sleep around and the last one is throwing it in men's faces trying to use jealousy to make a guy more attracted to you and all that kind of stuff and I've talked about this before because jealousy can be a really powerful tool but almost every woman that I've ever talked to that's tried to use it always does it in a bad way because most guys aren't that dumb right like you you you go and you're talking to a guy and you kind of want to give him a hint that you're dating other men so you're like oh you know I've you know this I've got this thing going on tomorrow where somebody wants to teach me how to go kayaking or something like that and you're kind of like throwing it in his face a little bit but you're trying not trying to do it subtly and all that kind of stuff just erase all that kind of stuff out of your mind don't do that it will most most of the time it'll end up like being thrown back in your face or hurting you or making the guy feel like you're trying to abuse him or hurt him or make him jealous or do things that that he doesn't want to experience so my suggestion is that you just stay away from the jealousy thing all together don't do it at all so how do you date multiple people so I like to call it an orbit or like a man funnel somebody else called it quantum dating the other day but that's I don't I think the term quantum dating goes to something else that's not actually what we're talking about here and so what you want to do is have fun and be playful on your dates find out about the important issues let the ones who step up who want to step up step up and let the other ones fade away and so like what we were talking about before it's like oh one guy kind of pulled away and you're like oh you know what whatever because I've got this other guy that I'm seeing I've got these other men that I'm going out on dates with and so it's easy it's not a big deal that this guy is pulling away and not being as interested because I'm not just focused on this one man and maybe everything work with him right and so when do you get exclusive here so my suggestion and I've talked about this before is that you agree to you agree to exclusivity before you get physically intimate and you don't get physically intimate without exclusivity I suggest this over and over I talk about it in the forever woman program do not get physically intimate with men without exclusivity I'm warning you about this I've seen nightmare stories where women ignore my advice here next thing you know they're in bad situations and I've seen the most amazing stories from women who listen to my advice and they they have this conversation with him beforehand because you learn so much about a man's actual desire and potential to have something with you if you have that exclusivity talk with him beforehand because if he's just looking to hook up and he looks at you and he's like hey this isn't going anywhere anyway I don't care I just want to hook up you'll find that out immediately when you bring up the exclusivity talk and then you'll also find out more about his character down the road while you're dating him and what he how he acts when he's exclusive with you whereas if you don't have that conversation beforehand all the sudden you're like okay well now I have to have it now and I've got to bring this up and I've got to figure out how to like get in this position because we've already been hooking up and but he's like still on the online dating site and so all these things are going on and are we exclusive are we not exclusive just assume that you're not exclusive unless you've had the conversation you can you can just assume that men assume that everybody should assume that you have to have the conversation so what do you do and this has been a really big question that a lot of women in our community have asked what do you do when he asks if you're seeing other people and so this has been a huge point of contention there's been a lot of people and by the way if you get what I'm talking about right now make sure that you say I get it in the chat if you don't get what I'm talking about go ahead and ask a question and at the end I'm going to answer any questions that you have about this or about your situation or about anything else you want to talk about and so when he asks if you're seeing other people first thing you want to do is don't lie to him and also don't throw it in his face so those are the two big things you don't want to lie to him and you don't want to throw it in his face instead you want to use it as an opportunity use it as a tool for you and the tool that you want to use is to bring up the exclusivity talk when he asks about this if he's like hey are you seeing people you don't want to be like yeah I'm seeing other people and you don't want to be like I don't want to talk about it or anything like that what you want to do is you want to flip the frame of the conversation so when he's saying are you seeing other people it's kind of like this accusatory like I'm investigating you like what's going on with you kind of conversation and you can avoid that entire conversation completely if you want to and my suggestion is that you do and instead what you do is you reframe the conversation into asking him if he wants to be exclusive with you and the way that you do that is you just say hey what you ask you respond with a question you respond to his question with a question where you go why are you asking do you want to be exclusive with me and so and you can do this if he accuses you of dating other people too right so anytime he brings up you seeing other people are doing other things with other people that's when you bring up the exclusivity thing obviously if you're exclusive you should be like no we're seeing each other why would I be seeing other people but if you're not what you should say is and he's like hey I think you're I use some other guy that you're seeing is are you are you going out on a date with another guy you know and what you want to say is why why would you ask that why would you say that are you do you do want to be my boyfriend do you want to do you want to be exclusive with me do you want to be do you want us to be in a relationship together and basically you're throwing it back at him and you're you're letting him answer that question so that he can all the sudden start saying what it is that's on his mind and if he's like yeah of course you know I I thought we were exclusive this whole time right or whatever then then you can have a conversation about that and you can go into that and have that create that agreement if that's something that you want to do and you can just be like look what I know is in this world of the hookup culture and what's going on in the world right now people are seeing lots of other people and I I've been told that I shouldn't assume that that I'm exclusive with somebody unless I have that conversation with them and and then you can bring that up and if you really like him and you want to be exclusive with him what you can say is I don't you know I don't see any reason why I would want to date anybody else like let's be exclusive then okay and he can say okay to that and you can make that actual agreement there and have that conversation and sometimes it might be a longer conversation than just that right there but you definitely want to do that and if he insists and doesn't want to be exclusive so if if you want to be exclusive let him know otherwise so so this is what you say you say if you want to be exclusive let me know otherwise I'm going to keep my options open and you're not telling him straight up that you're dating other people or that you're seeing other people you're all you're doing is you're just like hey look if you want to be exclusive let me know and otherwise if you don't then I'm just going to keep my options open because you're keeping your options open and just makes sense for me to as well and I don't know that I am going to date other people or I'm not but I'm going to keep my options open unless you agree to me with me that you want to be exclusive and so that's that's the conversation that you need to be having and so if he still can you know persist and keeps on trying to talk to you about this and if he asks if you were seeing other people after agreeing to be exclusive with you you can always just go back to what I was saying before where you're like hey look I was just keeping my options open until you you said you wanted to be exclusive with me and so you know what I hear is that no matter how a man acts if he doesn't verbally agree to be exclusive you can assume that he's not and so that's that's the conversation that you're having so if you get what I'm talking about here like I said say I get it if you don't then go ahead and ask some questions about it and I think that's it for all the content that I have for today that was a quick one and so what questions do you have what questions do you have about your situation I'm going to go through and answer whatever questions that whoever's on here has about your situation and so just I'm just gonna go over everything real quick again so why you need to date multiple men because of the position of power and the abundance principle you don't want to be needy you don't want to act desperate even if you're not and instead you want to be a woman who acts like she values herself and treats herself well and makes sure that she gets into good situations and the easiest and most powerful way to do that is to set yourself up with the abundance principle and be in a position of power both of which come from dating multiple men naturally naturally comes if you're still having problems with it then there's probably something else internally that's excuse me internally that's going on with you and so what you want to do is take a look at that and create some awareness around that and we're going to be talking about that in future live streams and other stuff so also mistakes you know turning into a serial dating too many men at the same time becoming completely numb to the menu date just going through the motions giving up on men for any little thing that you don't like sleeping around throwing it in his face trying to use jealousy and how to do it create an orbit have fun be playful on your dates find out all the important issues that we talk about and let the ones who step up step up and let the other ones just fade away and then you get exclusive before becoming physically intimate not after and what to do when he asks don't lie and instead create a conversation about exclusivity and so lastly again if you want if you're really serious about getting into a great relationship I didn't have time you know and I don't have time really to go over everything that's in the forever woman program it's a free program by the way and if you really want to get into a great relationship make sure you go get it there should be a link above or below wherever you're watching this right now and if not go to the forever woman formula dot com and you can check it out there the al the al down down down down down down down down make up working on making making noises with my mouth but down down down all right what questions do we have here while women from all over Qatar Scotland Rhode Island Canada Jumata says very true for the choices and the painful of just one person will not be so much yep I think I know what you're saying hello hello hello Landon says I thought you were talking about to talk about men I don't know what that means Wendy says yes I actually want to settle for one man that is the way to that you want to settle for one man unless you're going Polly you want to settle for one man Eve says they all get the same story the truth well you can you know it's one of those things where you know sometimes I talk to women and they're like oh you just tell them the truth and it's like well there's ways to tell the truth and talk to somebody that are smart and ways that aren't as smart and I've run into this problem myself many times which is why I'm so intimately familiar with it where I just tell people the truth that people don't want to hear and I've learned to really spice up the truth a little bit and weave into the truth and talk about it in a way that that really works a lot better than just throwing it in their face and being like there's the truth what do you want you know and so Wendy says Matthew coast what I actually have guys that I like not in a actual relationship okay Nadine says hi Matt looking good as always thank you appreciate appreciate you telling me how good I look Julie tree says I'm a one woman man Matt just looking for someone serious in my life okay one woman man you're a one woman man huh Julie tree Christine says don't sleep around wait for the one there you go Wendy says I don't want to give up on a guy I never slept with any man okay the big picture says just date someone with multiple personalities yeah okay so pixie doll says what if they say exclusivity just to sleep with you well it's better that so first off you should be having other conversations to kind of find out whether they're really just looking to sleep with you or they're looking to have something real with you most the overwhelming majority of men will tell you the truth and you so you should be having other conversations and if you end up having this conversation and he's just been lying that entire time from the beginning to this point and you end up sleeping together then it's one of those things where at least you had that conversation and it's not like you know maybe you missed all the other red flags and you missed all the other things that have been going on and that sucks but at the same time you had this conversation so it's not like you have the conversation and you move forward and it doesn't work out I mean it it's also possible that people end up sleeping with each other and they didn't enjoy it and so they end up going away and sometimes women will interpret that as oh he just wanted to hook up and leave but in reality he didn't enjoy the physical intimacy that he had with you and it was so bad to him that he ended up leaving or he ended up having his own issues or whatever ends up happening right because a lot of different things could end up happening that have nothing to do with you and have everything to do with him and so he ends up leaving and you misinterpret that as he was just looking to hook up with you and so I mean there's a lot of different scenarios that you could throw at me here and there's not a whole lot you can do about all of them and at the same time you want to cover all your bases in as much as you can beforehand which is one of the reasons why I talk about all the other things that you should be doing one being that you need to have that emotional deep emotional connection before you guys end up sleeping together because if you don't have that deep emotional connection then it's you know it's more likely to have it's far far more likely to happen that you'll lose interest and if you're slowing things down and waiting a little bit and making sure that he has that connection and having the conversations that I talk about having from the beginning then you'll find out a lot of these things you'll figure out whether he's a liar you'll figure out what's going on with him and so it's really usually not that big of a deal if you're having the conversations that I recommend that you're having from the beginning so Wendy says yeah Matt hunn I have options good should have options the big picture says pixie doll then you better find out he's either a liar or a weakling but not both so Rachel says I get it but what if I like to focus my energy on what's just one person well you can do whatever you want to do I'm just telling you what the my recommendation is so my recommendation is that you meet multiple people and you have an orbit of men and you let the ones that step up step up and you let the ones that aren't going to step up fade away and the ones that step up end up in your inner orbit and then finally you end up in a relationship with one and the likelihood that you're going to be in a much better relationship drastically increases if you do that as opposed to just finding a guy and latching on to him and being like I'm just dating one person at a time that it's that's just how it's just a much better situation for you I'm all about empowering you and helping you get into the best possible situation that you can be in and the best possible situation for you to be in is a situation that comes from dating multiple people because of what I just talked about the ones stepping up that step up and the ones that don't don't now sometimes you run into situations where you don't need this right where you just have this immediate spark there's this instant connection you both know that it's on and you just you don't need to do it however what I found is that most women especially in our community need this you need to be doing this if you're having problems in your dating life if you're having challenges if you're running into situations where you're getting hooked on guys and you're doing all this stuff and you feel like you're doing all the work and the guy is just leaning back and doing nothing my suggestion is that you date multiple men bunny bundy says how do you broach the exclusivity conversation well if you're getting to a place where you're looking to hook up with a guy what you end up doing is the way that you have the conversation is you say hey look I'm not really interested in seeing other people and if I'm physically intimate with someone I just want for a variety of different reasons I just want to only be physically intimate with one person and so if we end up sleeping together I want to make sure that we are just seeing each other and that we're not seeing anybody else at the same time or or what you want to say is is I just I just want to see just one person and not see anybody else at the same time and I'd like to have the same thing with the person that I'm sleeping with do you and just ask him if he agrees to that and if he does then great and oh and so what you want to say is is if you end up you know if you end up deciding that you want to see somebody else or do something else that's fine but make sure like I just want to know that you will let me know if you end up doing that that was probably kind of a fuzzy way of saying all that but basically what you want to say is hey when I'm physically intimate with somebody I want to make sure I for a variety of reasons I only want to be physically intimate and date that one person and so I just want to make sure that you know if we are physically intimate together that you're not going around and dating and sleeping with other people as well and if you decide that you do want to do that that's fine but I want you to let me know so that I'm I know what kind of a situation that I'm getting into you know will you let me know if you decide to see anybody else and and basically you're having a conversation here and depending on how he responds to that will give you a lot of information as well about what's going on with him and whether he wants to see other people or not or you know whether he wants to have a conversation about this or whether he just wants to get the conversation over with and and all that kind of stuff and so that's that's kind of how you broach the conversation if you want to have that conversation before getting physically intimate with him which I suggest that you do so Isabel says crikey I can't even get a date never mind dating multiple men well that's something that you should work on for sure Kim says I haven't had a date in over 15 years okay Mandy says what is the best way to show support if his team is competing for something very important but didn't win I don't want to give him a sugar coated comment so if his team is competing for something very important but they didn't win I mean how do you give him support well you know you give him a good compliment about it and you say hey you know like it sucks yet you know you you have a genuine conversation with him and you give him a genuine compliment through that conversation that you're having with him and so you're like yeah man that really sucks that and you know I don't know what it is that you're talking about but you're like hey yeah that really sucks that you guys work so hard and and you did all these things and didn't win you know but but I think that you guys did really great and I think that you know you know like I said I don't know what the scenario is but you know I think that you know if you do it again in the future you guys will be way more prepared for it and maybe win next time or whatever I don't know it it kind of depends on what you're talking about I'm just giving some kind of hypothetical theoretical situation that doesn't exist here so if you if you have an actual situation Mandy that you want to talk about let me know otherwise I hope that I hope that helps is is just give him just giving genuine compliments right just giving genuine genuine praise and talking about things genuinely and from your heart and all that kind of stuff is is always the best way to go when you want to show support for somebody because then it's not like he doesn't feel like you're just saying some nonsense to him and at the same time you're talking to him about things that you care about and and you know it might not even necessarily be important depending on what it is that he was competing in to talk about or sugarcoat things around what it is that he's competing with and instead just focus on who he is as a person and just showing your support there and not necessarily talking a whole bunch about it and asking him and do how do you feel about that and all that kind of stuff because a lot of guys they don't want to talk about it and you know they lost something where they competed and so it's it's they don't want to sit and dwell on that thing in the past and what happened and they want to move on to something in the future and so dwelling on and complimenting and having a conversation all about that thing isn't necessarily going to serve him and it's not necessarily going to serve you either and so focusing on the future and focusing on on him and who he is as a man and what he's creating and what he's doing is probably far more valuable than focusing on this loss that he ended up having patty says yuck too complicated do whatever you want to do patty ginger says i love that answer amy says yes i love that i should have asked that question about exclusivity yes that is the way that you want to do it i get it i get it i get it susanna says how to deal with a player do you want to deal with a player are you trying to date a player is he a player as in he's dating other people or he's a player as in he's playing you that's the real question that you should be asking yourself and then the next question you should be asking yourself is why do you want to deal with a player and the answer is probably that you're not coming from a space of abundance which is exactly what we just talked about and dating multiple men which is exactly what we're just talking about see free says thank you he wants me to be exclusive but he so just to go back to susanne's question how to deal with a player my suggestion is that you come from a place of abundance you come from a position of power and then it'll be a lot easier to deal with a player because then you won't be so focused on just this player and you'll be focused on creating the relationship instead of focusing on the man which is what you're doing right now you need to shift your focus from trying to get the man that you want to trying to get the relationship that you want because in my opinion the relationship is far more important than the man and my suggestion is that that's the way that you should be looking at it too because if you're just focused on the man then all of a sudden it's how do i get this man and how do i manipulate things and how do i make it happen whereas if it's the relationship it's like hey this is the relationship that i'm going to if you want to jump on board if you want to jump on board the susanna train because we're having a lot of fun out here right and you're like yeah we're going to have fun going to this awesome relationship then all of a sudden and that maybe that was a little cheesy but you're like hey this is where we're going and you can if you're not jumping on board and you know having an authentic real genuine relationship then i don't want to deal with you at all right which is the place of being from the position of power where you're willing to walk away and if you know if he's a player and he's like hey i want to be on board this train i want to go to that relationship then he'll you'll find out pretty quickly and if he's not then you'll find that out pretty quickly too and you can save yourself a lot of heartache because you're dating multiple men and you're in a position of power and you don't care seafrey says thank you he wants me to be exclusive but he still wants his other girlfriend no three years into this sounds like a big no from me no no no seafrey no no no no no michelle says i get it nice to hear a man's viewpoint thanks you are welcome you are absolutely welcome michelle so heather says hi matt we have had the exclusivity talk about then about then it comes to sex but he is still on a dating site unsure if he is talking or seeing other people well if he's still on the site you know just have that in your mind right but don't focus on the fact that he's on a site just be aware of red flags right focus on what it is that you want and then be aware of red flags and if you see red flags if you see secrets if you see him doing things like hiding his phone when he's like texting you're like huh huh you know you're talking to your mom right now why are you trying to ask me right then all of a sudden you're like okay there's something weird going on here and then you can deal with it from there so bunny bunde says what if you did not have the exclusivity conversation but he informed you we do not need condoms is this their way of saying that we are exclusive no no stop so one of the things that a lot of women do and i when i was in the men's dating industry i didn't see men do this nearly as much but one things that women do is they're like okay what does it all mean right and so they'll take these conversations that may and may mean that it's possible but i wouldn't assume that you know like it could mean that he had an std check right maybe that's what it means and so you want to get clarity on what it is that he's talking about and so don't come to me and be like hey he said this what does it mean my suggestion is that you find out from him i mean there's certain things where you can ask me and i'm like yeah this is what that means but you know this situation you want to ask him like what do you mean by that like are you saying you know and you want to get clarity and you want to get the agreement because if you don't have the agreement then if he's out there doing other things then and you're like oh but you said that we don't need condoms right yeah but i didn't say that we were exclusive and all of a sudden you're like well i guess he didn't say that he was exclusive and so you want to have the exclusivity conversation you actually want to have it don't rely on signals and clues don't turn into a detective looking for all the clues and signals is this what he means you know like have the conversation have a real conversation if you guys are adults and you're in a relationship then you can have conversations like this and it's not a big deal and you can just get clarity on it and it's fine everything's fun no big deal it's all it's all good it's all happy it's all happy happy joy joy okay so jennifer says i get it i think that is what i'm doing i just thought it was called quantum dating thank you for shining light in perspective well quantum dating i was just i actually just looked the term quantum dating and there's like this if you go to the urban dictionary what it says because i i think adrian talks about it or something but if you go to the the dictionary the the urban dictionary and you look at it it says quantum dating is the act of dating and not dating someone at the same time in romantic terms that practice which constitutes the smallest possible amount of dating which can still be considered dating and so i wouldn't consider that there's another one that says quantum dating is friend with benefits and so i wouldn't consider that you know i don't know who all uses the quantum dating term but i would i don't i'm not going to use it and because it already has a meaning that's associated to it and it's not the meaning that we're talking about here creating an orbit is the meaning that we're talking about here creating a man funnel is the the meaning that we're talking about here so julie tree says matt i have a crush on you how do i let you know about this well it sounds like you just let me know julie tree so pam says love the abundance principle what happens when the heart goes towards the one who's not stepping up well you you let go of it right so there's a lot of things that happen when it's it's one of those things right like you get you continue to date other people you get busy with other people if the guy's not stepping up which can happen and you can get caught up into it which is something that can happen what you want is one of the challenges is that what a lot of people do is when they're doing abundance they're just going through the emotions and that's one of the mistakes that i was talking about earlier the abundance principle isn't about just going through the emotions and having the men there it's about actually creating abundance in options and creating abundance in connection and the abundance of connection should happen all the time for you not just when you're dating multiple men not just before excuse me before exclusivity but after exclusivity as well and so you want to create abundance in your connections with other people and animals and plants and nature and life and friends and family and men and women and people that you hang out with because when you have abundance of connection then all of a sudden it's like yeah you know i kind of feel this pull because this guy is either playing games or i can feel that power dynamic where he's higher in power and i'm not and so i feel kind of sucked into it but i'm not allowing myself to get sucked into it because i have this other abundance that i'm connecting with and i'm going towards instead of going towards this guy who's pulling away from me and then i'm getting sucked into that and pushing him further and further away and next thing you know i'm like grasping onto this dude who isn't really that into me so i hope i hope that answers your question there so ginger says what happens when you're dating multiple men and maybe some of the men know each other what do you do then men will talk to each other yeah i mean why are you dating men that know each other are you it's one of the challenges that you run into if you're doing like if my guess is what you're talking about is social circle so you're dating men in a social circle my suggestion is one that you don't date a bunch of men in a social circle because you will develop a reputation then and it won't be a good reputation for you and it will likely turn off good men who might otherwise be interested and so my suggestion is that you don't do that you don't date multiple men in a social circle you find the one who's you're most interested in and you just date him and then you find your abundance of men and dating multiple men from outside of that social circle that's that's what i suggest judy says does jealousy work if you're just posting social media a date with another guy in general saying friends it can it can but like i said don't throw it in his face and what i found is that the overwhelming majority of women will do it the wrong way and end up pushing the guy away so my suggestion is that you just forget about the idea of jealousy and just for some reason a lot of women cling to that idea they're like oh i really want to make them jealous but you you know it just it's not a good idea i suggest that you i just suggest that you don't just don't don't even play with that that fire because there's a really good chance that you'll end up burning yourself but you know do what you want kel says how can i actually get it going at any given time i could at least one but it seems like i don't meet another until the first one is almost gone well what you need to do is get out there more and start meeting more people go to events go to go out and spend time by yourself go to events by yourself go to places of high traffic by yourself where there's a lot of people that go through like coffee shops cafes and read a book or just go hang out and what you'll notice is that a lot of guys might especially if you're by yourself if you're with a group or with another girl or something like that it's a lot more difficult for men to approach you so you want to go out and be by yourself because then a guy goes oh this isn't as big of a risk and there's a much much higher percentage chance that this will go somewhere because if you're a guy and you go out and approach women which i have done a lot of i've dated i've i've approached a lot of women probably in the thousands range of women in my life and what i can tell you is that if i go and approach two women at the same time and i start up a conversation and i try to get a number from one of these women what will 99 of the time happen is that one of the women will be angry and jealous and she will start creating a problem and so you have to like do this thing where you make them both happy and you make them both laugh and you have this great conversation with both of them which rarely works out right especially during the day and so you want to be by yourself and you know the the chance that a guy is going to get rejected just by you by yourself is really really high right so i was talking to a men's dating coach the other day and we're talking about statistics on what how many guys a woman uh sorry how many women a guy has to approach in order to get a girlfriend and for the average guy just average dude out there who goes out and he approaches women that he sees who he is attracted to what it takes is around a hundred approaches so he has to find a hundred women out there and approach them in order to get into one relationship into in order to have the possibility of getting into one relationship because he'll approach a hundred women and only about somewhere between 10 and 20 of those women probably closer to 20 of those women will give him her number and then out of those 20 women probably somewhere closer to 10 will actually end up responding to him and out of those 10 only about five of them will end up actually going on a date with him and out of those five only about one of them will get to a space where he can actually get into a relationship with her and so if a guy actually goes out and approaches women which most guys aren't doing anymore then for a number of different reasons then it's it's a it's a number it's a big numbers game that he has to overcome in order to do it and so I kind of went off on a tangent there but the point is that you want to go out and you want to be friendly and you want to start conversations with people and you want to get used to getting into conversations and talking to people and making eye contact with men and going to events and just creating a social space for yourself going to places where there's high traffic of people going through there and get into a situation where you can start meeting more men or you can take the easy route and do online dating although online dating especially nowadays has a huge number of people that you don't want to meet on there and it's a challenge to weed them out although you can't so next one is Amy says I want that Ben seeing a guy I want that Ben seeing a guy for five months now and he says it's okay for me to seeing other men I told him I don't want to I am seeing you he tells me he's just taking it day by day and we are still interested in each other he shows me he likes me even though he's long distance okay so first question that I want to ask you and I have to ask this every time a woman tells me long distance is have you actually met this guy when he tells me if I was talking to anyone else I feel maybe he likes me more than friend okay so you don't you aren't actually seeing this guy so I don't ask him how he feels about it we stay connected in planning a visit so yeah so so you're not actually seeing a guy what you're doing is you have this online situation that you're in and you want it to be something more than what it is and you don't know anything really about what's going on with this guy you've never met him before and you're and you're not actually seeing him is what's going on is you've just been talking to a guy online my suggestion is that you start dating multiple people just like we talked about in here in this live stream man he says appreciate all the lives that you do Matt well you are welcome I'm glad that you appreciate him Brenda says there are not enough quality men around to even find one to date well that is a horrible belief system that you have there Brenda my suggestion is that you change your belief system and you start thinking about the qualities of men that you want to date and and figuring out how to find quality men to date and start noticing the quality men that are in your world and around I don't know where you are so I am not able to comment more on what you're talking about Isabel says never thought of this before multiple dating I definitely get too fixated on too soon on one guy makes sense well I'm glad that it makes sense and I hope that you do this because it works so much better Christine says dating is so different now we need this texting way too much yes you want to meet in person you want to stop texting you want to stop doing the online dating or the online relationship thing where like Amy is doing five months where she hasn't even met this guy and she's talking about seeing him and you want to open like if you Amy if you were out there like dating multiple dudes and you're coming from abundance it wouldn't even be a thing on your radar it'd be like okay dude well when you figure your stuff out come on over and if you don't then okay and so you want to stop doing that and you want to start meeting more people and coming from a space of abundance because if you're not a lot of these problems that women have in dating are because they're coming from a space of scarcity and they're like there's this dude in this other country and we talk online all the time and hopefully one day we're gonna meet and date and so what ends up happening is a lot of scammers are taking advantage of women that are doing this a lot of women are getting sucked into it and they're feeling desperate and needy because there's just this one dude and he's online and he's away you haven't even met him before you you might have not even even done a video chat with him before so he might not even be the person that you think he is because you haven't even really seen him now I'm just going off on a tangent going off on a tangent here Kim says I think I have the guy I'm texting online with multiple personalities yeah so Amy says I am a monogamous person just want that serious commitment hopefully with him well Amy it's just the same Amy yes it's the same Amy Amy I'm telling you you need to date multiple people you need to build your abundance you need to start meeting some new men and you need to stop trying to make it happen with some dude that you're you don't even know if he likes you or not right you don't even know if he likes you he's in another country you're talking to him online you think you're seeing him but you're not even sure if he sees you as more than a friend you need to start dating more people Audrey says I feel really picky I am talking to an affectionate amazing guy and I have never been into this type of man I know he is a great man I'm just scared he's too good and I'm not is that normal yes it is normal and what you need to do is work on your belief systems and work on your beliefs of how valuable you are as a woman because what ends up happening as you your insecurities come up and you need to be able to remind yourself and you need to have it programmed in your mind that you believe that you deserve something like this and I talk about this in detail and how to create these beliefs and how to get rid of your old beliefs in my program the forever woman and so you can go get that at the foreverwomanformula.com if you don't have that already you should go get it it's free you should definitely go and check that out there's no reason that anybody here shouldn't have that program everything that I do is based on that program so you should go and check that out Ashley says how old are you Matthew you look so young for someone so knowledgeable I'm getting there I'm getting old Patty says actually I'm not I'm I don't know you know what do they say 40s the new 20 Patty says had a guy friend for over a year week moment and we slept together I have not heard from him since okay well that do you have a question about that Sarah says ghosting shouldn't be a thing well it's a thing with everybody actually women ghost way more than men you know it's it's going to be a thing right people are scared to have a conversation and let somebody know that they're leaving so and it's easy for everybody women right now are leading the pack in ghosting they ghost more than men do so that's the thing that's what everybody's doing you just got to deal with it it sucks and that's that's the culture that we live in now Isabel says new to the dating scene do guys generally date several girls at the same time for same reasons do you think yes absolutely because a lot of guys know the numbers that I'm talking about when I talk about going out and having to approach a hundred women and so what they know is that they have to have a lot of different things going on and if they don't the likelihood that they're going to get into anything is really really low a lot of women are like oh guys dating multiple men so or women so he's probably sleeping with all of them and every guy's a player and all this kind of stuff the overwhelming majority of men probably around 80 percent of men they're not doing very well in the dating world they just want one woman and they know that it's really hard for them to get into the situation that they want to get into because for a man the the stakes for getting a girl have risen dramatically a lot of women are like oh it's so easy for men now just to hook up and sleep with any woman that they want to for the average man that is not the case more men than ever before are going celibate they did a survey not too long ago where they surveyed this was men under the age of 30 but you can probably assume that something similar is going for men above the age of 30 as well but for men under the age of 30 what they found and I was just looking at it the other day it's gotten up to 28 percent of men are celibate 28 percent the the definition of being celibate is that they haven't hooked up they haven't been physically intimate with somebody for over a year so 28 over if you look at four dudes one of them hasn't hooked up with anybody in over a year and the other ones if they have it hasn't been that many and one of those dudes they're probably not one probably less than one but one of those dudes is hooking up with tons of women two of them are like happy if they can end up ever hooking up with a woman and the third one is hasn't has been celibate for at least a year that's that is the statistics right now of men hooking up with women and so men out there are trying to get anything they can because most of them aren't getting anything at all and it's really really difficult and then there's a small percentage of men probably around 10 percent who are hooking up with tons and tons and tons of women and have all their choice of women they're the they're the players they're the really good looking dudes they're the guys that are really good at making women feel really good about themselves they're really good at doing this the average guys the guys that are really high quality but they aren't really good at conversation and making women feel the emotions that they need to feel and they they don't spend a lot of time out there dating those guys are having a really hard time right now and so yes you can assume that men are dating multiple women and if you're dating a man then you can assume that he's dating multiple women but are all guys dating multiple women most of them aren't most of them can't most of them have a really difficult time especially right now and at the same time you know there's a guy and you might be dating the player and the player is definitely dating lots of different women and so you gotta keep that in mind okay so Patty says it is what it is moving on Amy says yes very true I agree well said Matt well thank you Christine says listen people are super busy now don't wait for their time until they want to give it to you keep dating multiple men exactly let me says before I'm dating lots of men online and I've learned a lot so ho did you just say did you just say so ho with me Mandy says would it be worthwhile to bring up finances before deciding to be official well you know the finances thing is kind of a a touchy subject especially since a lot of people have been put into like you know they come from families where they don't talk about money and they don't talk about finances and stuff and it's it's kind of a challenging topic to talk about uh you know I'll here's what I'll do Mandy since that's a very very good question and I know a great expert who is a total expert on everything around dating and relationships and finances and having those conversations and doing all that kind of stuff because I'm not specifically the expert on that I will talk to her and we will get her on a live stream and we will talk about how to have those conversations because it's a very very important conversation to make sure that you're having especially if you're getting into a long-term relationship and you're looking to get married and all those kinds of things start coming up and it's you I mean you should be having a lot of those conversations naturally but if they're not happening happening naturally let me get all the details on how to have those conversations and I'll bring her on to one of my live streams and we can have a big conversation about it because I just I don't have all my notes about that and we haven't been really talking about that lately so let me get all the notes on that first and we'll we'll get back I'll get back to you Mandy I'll get back to you on that one Cheryl says wait hold on here what are we doing okay so Cheryl says how to date guys without knowing the other guys it is a good hidden dating okay actually says how do we find the confidence to date multiple men well you just start off slow and you go you know anytime you want to build confidence about anything you you want to start out small and you want to build up to it and so it depends on what your concern is what you're scared of what's going on there Patty says I'm gonna do a speed dating session no idea what to expect or ask help well I mean that's kind of a big conversation I just have conversations with them about you know just just have conversations with them and just see what kind of a conversation you're going to have one of the things I don't like about speed dating is that it's like with the speed dating what you want to do is when you're having the conversations the initial conversations just have ice breaker things just talk about stuff and don't make it too serious don't get into the questionnaire asking him a million questions and finding out if he's the right guy or not just see if you vibe right just have a conversation just be playful just have fun with him and then what ends up happening at the end of the speed dating events is that there's a time where you can go and kind of talk to other talk to people again and just talk to the guys that you've had a good kind of first experience with and you kind of vibe and you had fun and and whatever and just be open to receiving and experiencing whatever happens that's the best way to do it because if you go in there and you're like okay I've got these questions and I need to ask these things what you're gonna do is you're gonna run into a big challenge instead what you want to do is you want to have some preplanned fun what I call them is fun questions and I talk all about this in the advanced program of the forever one and what you want to do with that is have like these either or questions right like a would you rather type of a thing where you're like you know would you rather or you know are you a tea or coffee kind of person are you into sushi sushi or steak right and just have these questions that you ask and and then you can kind of pin off of each other from that and you just want to make them fun and like questions that you just have a conversation with and you're far more likely to get a bunch of those guys to be into you if you're just having fun and being playful and having cool conversations then if you're having these like I'm going to screen these guys and figure these guys out within the minute that I have to have the conversation with them and it's just don't it doesn't work very well when you try to do that okay so wow okay so we've hit the hour here so I just want to remind you if you're really serious about getting into a great relationship with a high quality man where he sees you and he loves you and he absolutely cherishes you should go check out my program the forever woman you can go get it at the forever woman formula dot com there should be a link above or below this video to go and check that out so thank you everybody for being here with us today I really appreciate you allowing me to be on your journey and having such a cool and amazing kind of community we have the best women the best women are in our communities with some of the brightest coolest most interesting women are in our community and so we're we're teaching you to be the most attractive the most amazing the most uh like radiant women that you can possibly be and so just be in our community and be a part of all the stuff that we're doing and you'll continue to to grow and develop and learn how to really have the relationship that you've always wanted so thank you so much for being here and um you know my my job here is all about helping empower you to to create the relationship that you've always wanted to have so so thank you so much and we we've hit the top of the hour and I will talk to you again in the next live stream so talk to you soon thank you so much i'm am i babbling now my babbling what do i do with my hands i don't know why i like that i love that quote i love that quote