 Oh, hey there lovers happy 2019. Welcome to the future. I'm so excited to be creating content this year I'm just grateful for the incredible year we had last year and I'm excited to kick off this year Unfortunately, fortunately, we're doing it in a reactive stance. This is a reaction video to some drama That's been brewing online since I got married. I say fortunately unfortunately because unfortunately, I'd love you know I don't want to start off with some negativity Fortunately, I think this is a Important discussion and my whole channel is about analyzing the human experience Talking about things that we don't usually talk about and racial identity and cultural appropriation happened to fall in that bucket No, they're not my expertise by any stretch of the imagination So I want to just like put that out there right now that I'm probably going to use in perfect language or not Say things in the right way, but I'll just express myself from my experience and hopefully I can learn from you guys in the Comment section below, but let's just be kind about this thing because yeah, I don't I don't have it all downpacked All right, so let's get to the question at hand What's my wedding dress cultural appropriation? This was something that I saw in the comment section from the very first minute almost that I got married Once people started post posting me on their Insta story Amber's closet I think the very next day put me on her Instagram or maybe the day of and Immediately that spawned all this debate in the comment section and that was kind of not troubling to me It was a side swipe to me I honestly didn't expect for that to happen, but of course I wouldn't expect that to happen when I chose my outfit When I chose to wear a lango trolley to get married. I wasn't thinking about you guys I'm you know, I wasn't thinking about Commentaries I wasn't thinking about how the public would perceive it I was thinking about that moment that I walked down the aisle and my mom and dad saw me and saw what I was wearing Because I kept my wedding dress a complete surprise as a matter of fact like everybody my family was convinced I was gonna be coming down in a tuxedo. I Was thinking about that moment that my aunt saw me. I was thinking about that I was thinking about my grandma Those were the people who were top of mind for me when I selected that outfit as a representation of how I wanted to Get married. I wasn't thinking about the internet And so when the internet responded to me in that way I was like, oh at first of course like everything else you respond with anger You respond with a bit of outrage because hello like my last name is Boudram You know like Boudram to me is a classic Indo Caribbean or West Indian East Indian last name So to me I wear my heritage It's a part of my everyday vernacular like that It's an announcement that I don't feel I have to make because my name makes it for me and secondly I've talked about multiple times in this channel What my ethnicity breakdown is my mom is half black half white and my dad is East Indian from Guyana But he is like most people who are Guyanese It's kind of like a bit of Portuguese a little bit of black a little bit of Indian You've been in Guyana for about three generations But ultimately they came from India because they were promised a ton of land in Guyana So a lot of Indian people went over to mostly Trinidad or to Guyana in terms of like the Caribbean That's where like the heavily the most saturated population of that culture is so nonetheless. I just Am shocked sometimes that people don't know that but why should I be? I don't look it, right? And that's a big part of what I've had to come to accept as a mixed-race individual because I don't visually Represent what you think of when you think of black or Indian or of course not white I'll never truly get those Identification politics right because I just don't fit into those slots that neatly and as a result It's just I'm it's always going to be this gray area and as I've gotten older I've gotten more comfortable with existing in that space and I've become less angry and reactive about it because I Have to accept the fact that because I don't visually identify in the same ways I don't understand the identity politics or the cultural implications in the same way Even if I grew up around it, even if it has been my cultural experience It hasn't been my personal experience because when people see me They don't treat me with the same assumptions or labels or identifiers They would somebody who again visually represents that ethnicity That was a lot of words to basically say I don't fucking know You know, I mean like I just Think as a mixed-race individual you really have to get to a space where you stop trying to get that Bit of a hundred percent Sense of belonging from anywhere. I have benefited from racial ambiguity I'm sure it has benefited me massively in my career on the flip side. The negative part is that I just don't get to be Fully accepted or to belong in that particular vein, right? Like that's just not ever going to like neatly happen for me. And when it does happen, it feels incredible I think of like there's this one time I was in Toronto in a cab and The cab driver said to me like are you from the north or south and I was like on I'm from east Like I'm like east Toronto and then he's like no no of India like where's your family from and then I was like Hey, you visually Recognize me as a part of you like you see us as one like that never happens for me Like that is a special moment that happened I'm pretty sure like 15 years ago that I will keep with me anytime that I'm included in a list of like black women or celebrated as a black woman like that feels Incredible to me is just such an honor such a privilege on the other side of the coin I also accept when people don't see me in that life and I've had a lot of people who really adamantly are like you are not and that's the thing I just kind of been like, okay, I Watched Ari fits his video recently that's called and my transitioning where she talks about where she exists on the gender scale and The place that she's at where she's like, okay, if you want to refer to me as he him Let's do it if you think I'm her queen like let's do it and in many ways It's kind of how I feel racially like I've stopped trying to police or convince people of What I am or where I belong I just kind of roll with whatever it is that you want to roll me into I know where I am with the people that I love and I care who am around constantly And so that I feel really like affirmed and I feel very understood in but for the average person I just I've let go of that because it's just way too much pressure. It's way too much responsibility, it's way too much stress and There's so many things that things that go into cultural identification racial identification I can't examine every single person's experience and as to why they want to put me in one category or the other I can just simply go with like whatever makes you feel most comfortable And that's why when the question comes up as to whether or not this dress is Cultural appropriation It's kind of up to you to decide right like I don't think that I know why I wore it I know what it meant to me and I know what it meant for my family So I've already gotten the privilege from but I've already gotten what I wanted out of it How you want to interpret it in the aftermath? That's your business and I can learn and I can choose to listen I can't go back and change the past and to be honest I haven't heard a compelling enough argument that would make me want to go back and change the past But I'm still all years because I think again as a mixed-race person. That's my responsibility It is to be a good listener It is to absorb as much as I possibly can about these wonderful Parts of my life that I can only understand to a certain extent So I am devoted to being a good listener, but in that process sometimes I don't agree with what I hear who again my family both look mixed as well, too So like the mixed experience is just in me, right? I don't come from like a half black half white scenario where I have two polar opposite perspectives that I am like meeting in the Middle my parents look like me so their experience and like how they Interacted with the world is identical to my experience now and I'm dating or I'm married now and married to you know Another mixed-race person so my kids again will probably have that same experience none as time goes on It will become less confusing because through the generations will be able to navigate it with more ease and with more more class And that's what I'm just trying to accomplish right now. I'm trying to approach these with more class and with more empathy and so In many people's eyes If the fact that I don't outwardly represent my Indian culture frequently I'm not often in traditional clothed Photographed because I have definitely worn language holies in the past But because I put this dress out on social media That's when you get the backlash and so but in either case because I don't do that frequently enough It just struck them as as odd and unwarranted another like final thought note that I just want to throw in there is Sometimes I wonder about who benefits from the policing of cultural appropriation, right? So if in your mind, I haven't earned the right to wear a language holy and that that shouldn't have happened I should have just worn a traditional Eurocentric wedding dress right who who loses in that situation and who benefits in that situation So as a cultural appropriation is it essentially is like if you aren't a certain percentage, I guess or if you don't Actively represent a culture. You're not allowed to participate in it Visually at any given time So what is the culture that we're all allowed to take part in what is the safe zone? What is the area that every single person regardless of where you come from? What's your last name is and what you look like? What is that thing that it's okay for everybody? Anything that's Americanized or Eurocentric anything white if white people create something we can all partake in it But if anyone else creates something you could only partake in it if you belong to a certain group Who benefits from that right if I didn't purchase my dress from Chanda fashion, which is in Toronto I specifically went back to Toronto to get that dress at that store because that store meant something to me Because I know that store is Indian owned If I didn't do that I would have gone to some Bridal store in Beverly Hills and purchased a dress there that nobody would have had a problem with Chanda fashion wouldn't have gotten my business. I wouldn't have promoted them online And I wouldn't have showcased what beautiful work that they do if I was the patriarchy. I would like that I would like that a lot. You know, I would be like, yeah, you can only wear Stuff from H&M you can only purchase your wedding dresses from Beverly Hills Like your outfits can only look like the ones that we've designed You're not allowed to wear those ones like you have to come to us like our business is is the right business I just think that that that only benefits them. That's it in the comment section below I would love to hear from you and try to think of like what like a final Question is like in honesty, I kind of want to ask like what makes something cultural appropriation Like plagiarism in the law has like a very specific definition It's like if you take up to 60% of a sentence without changing it into your own words, then it's plagiarism But also if you are a mixed-race person, what how have you come to terms with this? How have you come into acceptance or found your groove? If you are not a mixed-race person What would you like to see more or less of from mixed-race people in? Participation with all of who you are. What do you think is missing? What do we still need to know and then who's doing it? Right, I'd love to know that. What is some person who is? Celebrating and pleasing everybody while not being any one particular thing like who can I who can we all learn from? That's what I would love to know from you many questions lots discussed So I'll see you guys below and above all else happy new year. I just love you I love talking to you. Let's spend some time together. I'll be back soon with more exciting videos. So watch this space