 good morning would you join me in a moment of centering silence him this morning is number 1029 and welcome to the first Unitarian Society of Madison this is a community where curious seekers gather to explore spiritual and social issues in an accepting and nurturing environment Unitarian Universalism supports the freedom of conscience of each individual as together we seek to be a force for good in the world my name is Dorrit Bergen and on behalf of the congregation I would like to extend a special welcome to visitors we are a welcoming congregation so whoever you are and wherever you are on your life's journey we celebrate your presence among us newcomers are encouraged to stay for fellowship hour after the service and to visit the library which is directly across from the center doors of this auditorium bring your drinks and your questions members of our staff and lay ministry will be on hand to welcome you you may also look for persons holding teal stoneware coffee mugs these are f.u.s. members knowledgeable about our faith community who would love to visit with you experience guides are generally available to give a building tour after each service so if you would like to learn more about the sustainably designed addition or our national landmark meeting house please meet near the large glass window on the left side of the auditorium immediately after the service we welcome children to stay for the duration of the service but if a child needs to talk or move around the child Haven or Commons are good places to retire the service can still be seen and heard from those areas and speaking of noise this would be a good time to turn off all electronic devices that might cause a disturbance during the hour and this time I'm going to do it too I'd now like to acknowledge those individuals who help our services run smoothly and I'm thanking both those volunteers who signed up ahead of time and we have some people who stepped in at the last minute our lay minister this morning is Tom boy cough your greeter was Corinne Perrin ushers are gale bliss Brian Chanis David beam and Mary savage coffee is being made for you by this niche ski and your tour guide will be John Powell please note the announcements on the in the red floors insert in your order of service which describe upcoming events at the society and provide more information about today's activities and I have three special announcements did you know that there are 118 teachers in our children's religious education program these amazing FUS members give their time talent and energy to nurture our kids and help us grow as a community this month we're showing our love for our teachers on the bulletin board in the Commons if you'd like to thank a teacher please walk over to the children's religious education table in the Commons after service and add a thank you note to our bulletin board our ministerial intern Eric Severson will be leading services only three more times before his time with us ends in May he would like to include more voices and be creative with these services and is looking for people young and old to help him if you would like to do a reading or a little theater tell a story or sing a song please let him know by phone email or in person today's video interlude includes some rapid-fire rap lyrics which are included as an insert today Eric would prefer that you look over the lyrics before or after rather than during the video so that you can appreciate the visual images as well again welcome we hope that today's service will stimulate your mind touch your heart and stir your spirit thank you to our musicians this morning listen listen to silence listen to the wind to the stars hear the trees dance dance to the beat of your neighbor's heart dance to the rhythm of your childhood dreams sing sing and home a wordless tune to the sound of your rushing blood and pray pray with a fruit fever that makes you sweat through February snow pray with a fervor that gives you the chills in July shout your prayer like a howl howl to the sound of your soul touches clouds and haunts the moon come let us howl our hallelujahs come let us pray and sing and celebrate come let us worship together I invite you to rise and body or in spirit for the words printed in your order of service for our chalice lighting we are the certain and the seeking the lifers and the newcomers the beloved and the brokenhearted the insiders and the rejected all of whom have found home in the extraordinary yet intimate communities of Unitarian Universalism and whether you are certain or seeking I invite you to say hello to your neighbors seated and if there's anyone young or young at heart that would love to join in the story please come forward we're going to have an adventure today we're going to tell a story together and here's how it's going to work as I start telling the story we're going to come to a part where I need a suggestion and I'm going to go like this and I'll ask for someone anybody to raise their hand and give me a suggestion so once you give your idea our volunteers are going to give you a sticker and once you have a sticker don't ask don't answer any more questions we're going to try to give everybody a chance to answer okay now I already notice we have more kids than we have questions so if you don't get a sticker by the end bug these ladies so here's how we're going to start once upon a time once upon a time there was an animal a Kraken oh my gosh I've never heard of that once upon a time there was a Kraken and what's a Kraken I forget half bird half something giant squid oh that's right oh that'll be interesting okay so once upon a time there was a Kraken like a squid and the Kraken's name was Finn the Kraken's name was Finn so the Kraken's name was Finn so Finn the Kraken where did Finn the Kraken live in the midnight zone cool so Finn the Kraken lived in the midnight zone and Finn's best friends were who were Finn's best friends little squids so Finn the Kraken lives in the twilight twilight zone midnight zone thank you Finn the Kraken lived in the midnight zone with his friends the little squids and the midnight zone smelled like what and the midnight zone smelled like bananas so Finn the Kraken lived in the midnight zone with his little friends the little squids in a place that smelled like bananas and in this midnight zone Finn and his little squids were surrounded by we're surrounded by sharks so it must be kind of a watery place right the midnight zone must be a watery place so Finn the Kraken lived in the midnight zone with his little I'm assuming him no boy Finn the boy okay Finn is a boy in the midnight zone that smells like bananas surrounded by sharks well every year in the midnight zone they had a very special day and what day was that the day was Halloween every every year they have Halloween in the midnight zone but in order to have Halloween they needed what they let's say candy they needed to have candy to have Halloween but the candy wasn't with them they had to go somewhere to get the candy where did they have to go to get candy the land they had to go to the land to get the candy now that's a challenge so in order to go on land to get their candy Finn and the little squids had to put on something what did they have to put on special suits they had to put on special suits so they could go on land to get the candy right and how far away was the land who who hasn't had a chance to answer yet how far away did they have to go 700 million miles so it's gonna be a long story and as they were going those 700 million miles they had to go past something what a Pokemon okay we're just gonna say a Pokemon they had to go past a Pokemon and how long did it take them to go 700 million miles they took them 12 hours to go 700 million miles they are really fast in those special suits well they finally got there after 12 hours they got to this where did where was it they had to go the land they finally got to the land and they saw the candy but there was something in the way of them getting the candy what was in the way sheep were in the way there were sheep in the way of them getting grass because there are sheep on land so they put their heads together Finn the Kraken and his little squid friends and in their special suits on land in these special I guess I said special suits they put their heads together and while one of them did one thing what did the what did the squid friends do so Finn the Finn the Kraken danced the polka no the the friends danced the polka the little squid friends danced the polka to distract the sheep and while the sheep were distracted Finn went and got the candy finally after a lot of hard work they got the candy and they made their way home and when they got home what did they find they found something they found a sea star lovely in this midnight zone right so when they got there they found the sea star they told everybody they were home and everybody came out of their little watery homes and they celebrated Halloween because now they had candy so thanks to the hard work and the quick thinking of Finn the Kraken and his little squid friends they had the best Halloween ever the end so thank you all for sharing the story let's go to class see this lady if you didn't get a sticker so I was asked to speak over the children as they leave which is not an easy thing I appreciate this opportunity to speak to you briefly about our upcoming annual campaign in 1976 I walked into the landmark auditorium on a Thursday night hoping to join the choir I had never heard of the Unitarian Universalism what I had heard was that the FUS choir accepted non-members now I had been raised a devout atheist and so it didn't occur to me that joining the choir would mean attending religious services by the time that penny dropped I was enjoying the singing so much that I decided to give the services a shot after all I was sure that I would be impervious to any potential attempts at conversion 41 years later this community has come to mean more to me than I possibly have imagined back then it has given me a place to grow and loving kindness toward others and towards myself to continuously engage with many of life's most important questions to join with others in giving service in celebrating in morning and in learning I want our congregation to continue to thrive and to be a voice for justice and love in the larger community this is my spiritual home and I wanted to be here for me for all of us and for others who may wander in for years and for decades to come I've looked at my finances and I have found little ways here and there which will allow me to increase my pledge a bit without causing me serious pain one of my hopes in particular is that our combined pledges will make it possible for FUS to increase the hours for our social justice coordinator to full-time finally volunteering for the annual campaign is not the easiest job to take on whatever you have decided to pledge this year I hope that you will warmly welcome the person who calls you thank you it's funny how one thing leads to another I saw that video on Facebook and I thought that's perfect and it led me to one of our readings today the first is by Kemi Adagoroye who is vice president of strategic initiatives at a group called the listen first project a nonprofit nonpartisan organization promoting listening to improve discourse and debates and she says one of the only things Americans today seem to agree on is that there are significant divides within the United States a real disconnect that separates us from our fellow citizens refusing to listen to and interact with people who share different views has shielded us from clashes of opinion and kept us in the dark as to how each other's thoughts and concerns being kept in the dark unaware of how large swaths of the population think and feel has left many surprised each time a new political or social development has occurred the divide started when we stopped listening to each other but the divide increased when we actively began to silence each other people have spent time crafting isolated bubbles where they are surrounded by others who share their opinions and beliefs anyone outside the bubble is muted and considered to be an enemy a stranger someone not worthy of being understood only of being condemned time and again over the last year news outlets and social media platforms have displayed vicious and vehement attacks like between people who dare to have a difference of opinion as a result people responded by keeping their opinions close to the vest or choosing to go on the defensive attacking opponents first and often not bothering to ask questions later all I have seen are people utterly rejecting the opportunity to talk to others standing across the aisle not even taking the time to respectfully ask why they were standing there in the first place when we shut down block out distance mute invalidate and deny others the right to express themselves when we judge and vilify people for opinions that we don't fully understand we only hurt ourselves shutting people out and shutting people up does no one any good it leaves individuals in the dark as to how large portions of society feel and think and why they feel and think a certain way it's a problem when you don't know your fellow citizens and that problem started when we stopped listening to and silenced our fellow citizens the 2016 election cycle has revealed the cracks in our country the stark dividing lines that are separating strangers friends and loved ones the effects of these revelations will not disappear in the night but will persist so long as we continue to dismiss and deny each other the right to be heard I don't want to be a part of that I don't want to sit in my one-sided bubble or stay on my side of the aisle I want to know my fellow citizens I want to understand my neighbor I want to do my part to help us learn and heal and grow moving past the division of the last several months so I'm reaching my hand across the aisle to listen and learn will you join me and second reading is in a similar vein by New York Times columnist David Brooks if America were really sorry let me start again if if America were a marriage we'd need therapy there has been so much bad communication over the past year people talking and warring monologues past each other ignoring the facts and using lazy stereotypes like elites and Trumpians to reduce complex individuals into simplistic categories meanwhile our main candidates are poor connectors we've got the self-enclosed narcissism of Donald Trump and to a lesser degree the mistrustful defensiveness of Hillary Clinton's campaign as an antidote for all this I've been reading the work of Martin Boober the early 20th century Jewish theologian who dedicated his career to understanding deep intimacy Boober is famous for the distinction between I it relationships and I thou relationships I it relationships come in two varieties some are strictly utilitarian you're exchanging information in order to do some practical thing like getting your taxes done but the other I it relationships are truncated versions of what should be deep relationships you're with a friend colleague spouse or neighbor but you're not really bringing your whole self to that encounter you're fearful closed or withdrawn objectifying her talking at her offering her only a shallow piece of yourself and seeing only a shallow piece of her I thou relationships on the other hand are personal direct and dialogical nothing is held back a thou relationship exists when two or more people are totally immersed in their situation when deep calls to deep when they are offering up themselves and embracing the other in some total unselfconscious way when they are involved in mutual animated describing in our culture we use phrases like finding yourself finding your passion loving yourself so you can love others but Boober argued that it's nonsensical to think of the self in isolation the I only exists in relation to some other some people go through life with a detached posture trying to self differentiate themselves to be more sophisticated than others those people tend to have mechanical relationships their feelings are self-enclosed they don't get to experience the thou others adopt a guard down position that is openhearted and open-minded they regard others as unique persons and not objects they have histories in which trust and vulnerability are rewarded such people experience moments of genuine dialogue Boober described genuine dialogue as a sort of social flow teachers and students learning with each other an artist and an art and an audience lost in a performance together boobers writing reminds us to be intentional and brave about relationships but it also has communal and political implications some organizations and leaders nurture open-hearted bonds some communities usually began boober wrote with some sacred thou moment like the Exodus story for the Jews or the revolutionary stories of the early Americans leaders connect current problems to that living effective center and set the table for situations of caring and trust today America is certainly a wash in distrust so many people tell stories of betrayal so many leaders model combativeness isolation and distrust but the only way we get beyond depressing years like this one is at the level of intimacy if Americans reconnect with the living center of the national story and they rebuild vows at every level at last week's Saturday service Ross Woodward and James Morgan left us several questions to consider how do I learn what is upsetting to another unless they tell me it hurts how do we have open and honest discussion around the issues and matters affecting us all what can and must we do they suggested that finding answers begins not through self-censorship and political correctness but through the power of language with healing conversations open and honest discussion and by letting getting to know others as we wish them to know us today I want to build on these ideas author Deborah Tannen in her book of 27 years ago you just don't understand wrote that we all men and women alike want to be heard and understood but in today's rarefied political atmosphere it seems that many of us aren't hearing one another because we are more comfortable inside our echo chambers surrounded by people and news sources that confirm our biases but worse than that we appear to not want to listen to different views at all I'm sure you can think of examples you've seen at the local state and national levels as rosin james made clear both our nation's successes and some of its deepest divisions are rooted in issues of race our first reading by chemi out of the Roy a pointed out that the recent election has revealed further cracks in our country stark dividing lines separating strangers friends and even loved ones the effects will persist she says as long as we continue to dismiss and deny each other the right to be heard quote when she when we shut down block out distance mute dismiss invalidate and deny others the right to express themselves when we judge and vilify people for opinions that we don't understand we only hurt ourselves unquote but no in my experience we heard a whole lot more people than just ourselves the consequences of our not listening to one another over the last few years have snowballed through our imperfect political system into national policies that will result in the suffering of millions let me stop here to examine these assertions have those of us here today dismissed and denied people the right to be heard or to express themselves not overtly I would say and if we have perhaps not consciously but I do think there are people in this room who have shut out distanced dismissed judged or vilified others views and I am one of them according to polls by Reuters and Ipsos the number of people who argued with family and friends over politics before and after the election jumped 6 percentage points from 33 to 39% of respondents 16% said they had stopped talking to a family member or close friend because of the election and 13% said they had ended a relationship with a family member or close friend even couples that had been married for decades have called it quits some of you may have noticed that there has been a lot of unfriending going on on Facebook those of us who voted against the administration have become estranged disconnected from the 47% of people who voted for it and from the one-third of eligible voters who vote chose not to vote at all in the shock loss and grief we feel over losing a future for which we had hoped many of us appear to have fallen into what the Reverend Nate Walker and others have called other rising identity politics begins very early in life I'm reminded of the immature othering in my own middle and high schools of dividing into us and them in my school the brains the jocks and the dopers were the major parties I'm sure your school had its own in groups and out groups one would like to think one would like to hope that with time comes a certain amount of maturity yes so so have we as adults reverted back to such immature stereotypical behavior do we really regard some of our neighbors relatives and fellow citizens as alien as them so very different from us have Americans abandoned the pretence of civility have we unitarian Universalists put our first three guiding principles inherent worth compassion and acceptance up on a shelf perhaps when we are afraid or under stress we let our lizard brain take control that oldest part of the brain the brain stem responsible for primitive survival instincts such as aggression and fear the fight-or-flight response it can be difficult to live up to our ideals when we are afraid I know there have been times in my life when I've been afraid that I have embodied David Brooks's description in our second reading of self differentiating to the point of living with a detached posture through more mechanical relationships I must admit that in the last few weeks I have been guilty of other rising I have thought and said things about people that I regret that they are gullible and stupid that they are less sophisticated and intelligent that they are more easily fooled and manipulated than we despite Langston Hughes's dreaming of a world without it I have occasionally fallen into scorn I have not taken the high road in truly elitist form I have ascribed lesser worth to people who did not vote as I did I have felt more contempt for them than compassion I've rejected their views out of hand rather than accepted them as fellow human beings with opinions born of their own experiences I seem to have forgotten a lesson taught to me by a counselor 30 years ago that we all are doing the best we can given our level of awareness my conscience is calling yes I can forgive my transgressions but I feel a need to bring myself back to my core values and the fundamental truths illuminated by our religious community if we truly seek peace we will need to rein in our lizard brains calm our fears reject stereotypes and mend these relationships there are conversations we will need to have across this divide if we were to move our to move closer to beloved community back in the direction of our religious principles and the ideals of our Constitution how do we do this in a television commercial you might have seen by Canadian beer company Molson people come across a big red locked refrigerator anybody seen that no I might be only one anyway people come across this big red locked refrigerator eventually passersby discover that the fridge is somehow listening and recognizing the phrase I am Canadian in multiple languages people cast about to find people with a variety wide variety of ethnicities to say the phrase in their native languages the key to unlocking the fridge is to find unity in diversity the reward as you might guess is a nice cold bottle of beer for everyone but diverse voices are the key similarly our story for all ages today was made fuller and richer with the contributions of many voices without them we would never have heard about Finn the Kraken and his little squid friends traveling 700 million miles to the land to find candy for Halloween what we did today may not be quite what Martin Martin Boober had in mind with his concept of I and thou but we had a good time building our shared story together as David Brooks pointed out if we are to begin healing the trauma of the election we should begin by resisting the urge to reduce complex individuals into simplistic categories we should consider Boober's distinctions between I it and I thou relationships we should not fear objectify or withdraw from others with whom we disagree but more deliberately bring our whole selves to those encounters I thou relationships are personal direct and profoundly interactive nothing is held back deep calls to deep when we offer up ourselves and embrace the other in a total unself conscious way when together we are involved in mutual animated describing yes it can be exhausting and yes we may not always have the energy it takes to engage this deeply with everyone we meet but perhaps we might start with relationships we value most particularly when we don't see I to I to consider the I thou I should clarify at this point that I consider the I thou relationship aspirational like our principles an ideal that we cannot seek or find in all instances if a relationship involves an imbalance of power or privilege for example say you are hurting or taking advantage of me in some way I will be far more likely to want to escape your presence than to offer up myself to you and embrace you in a total unself conscious way I believe we must allow people the right and the freedom to define and maintain healthy boundaries differentiation to avoid enabling the abuse of power and the onus of responsibility lies with those who hold the power or privilege but the vast majority of relationships those of relative equity there really is no way around it we are in this together indigenous peoples have known this for millennia and we affirm the interdependent web of life in our seventh principle as Brooks noted boober 2 argued that it's nonsensical to think of the self in isolation the I only exists in relation to some other boober solution for this our current estrangement suggests David Brooks lies in trust and vulnerability being intentional and brave the only way to get beyond depressing years like this one you said is at the level of intimacy if Americans reconnect with the living center of the national story and they rebuild those at every level unitarian Universalist minister Nate Walker provides further wisdom in his book cultivating empathy conflict stereotypes and violence he says arise from misperceptions and misunderstandings he goes on to describe the concept of moral imagination this is the ability to anticipate or project oneself into the middle of a moral dilemma and understand all points of view a proven remedy for other rising he says is to employ moral imagination as an everyday spiritual practice he suggests that this will require some soul searching with questions such as what was it about that person's behavior or language that had me that had so much power over me what was keeping me from cultivating genuine empathy for those I previously held in contempt was it my pride was it my fierce need to be right at what cost in an essay titled degrees of separation another you minister Gary Kowalski goes so far as to say that we have become a nation of strangers because of this breakdown in personal in respectful person-to-person communication the good news he says is that the cure for this malady is readily available through everyday acts of kindness and by reaching out to others in a spirit of helpfulness and cooperation we can begin to reweave the fabric of community the world's religions he says have affirmed for centuries that the best way to bring the world closer together is the old-fashioned way by practicing patience and tolerance and goodwill turning strangers into friends and enemies into conversation partners one by one by one and even better he says that when we reach outside our comfort zone for example to encounter someone from a different race a different religion a different age or a different political viewpoint our actions have a multiplier effect can lower the global estrangement more than we might predict our interlude today by artists at a Unitarian Universalist intentional community called the sanctuaries expresses just this kind of reaching out an action grounded in patience honesty and love we sang about this love in our hymns that love longs to quiet every fear and seeks to set things right in spite of foes embracing enemies when we tell our stories from deep inside when we listen with a loving mind when we hear our voices in each other's words then the heart is in a holy place for those of you thinking enough generalities get on with it already give me some direction I offer this there are any number of experts out there available at the click of a mouse to tell you how to improve your communication and your life one such person is Judy ringer an author instructor and I keto black belt here are my interpretations of her tips for listening and being heard so imagine yourself sitting across the table from that cranky relative neighbor or stranger with whom you disagree begin difficult conversations with mutual understanding as a primary goal agree that you want to understand one another allow for some give and take and forgive the occasional lapse into othering nobody's perfect offer information that may be of value reciprocate and demonstrate that you understand the other person's argument or position decide whether you want to win an argument or to solve a mutual problem it helps says ringer if you understand both your story and theirs strive to educate and not blame share your hopes and goals and I would add your shared values stay curious and interested remain centered and extend positive energy and understand that in the end you may never see eye-to-eye on every issue but you can remain respectful interested and purposeful and I would suggest that as US senator Elizabeth Warren taught us so effectively recently when it comes to being heard persistence is a virtue goodness knows I have tried even as I am guilty of other rising people I also have made attempts to bridge the gaps through conversations with little effect so it is not easy and does require persistence at my home congregation we say these words to introduce the ritual sharing of joys and sorrows when we are heard we are honored when we are honored we are healed I don't know that these statements are always true but they deserve our consideration when we are heard we are honored when we are honored we are healed let's put them to the test in closing I would say let us strive to be the mature adults we have become let us be fully present to others and show a genuine interest let us maintain healthy boundaries but let us also treat people as fellow human beings as those not as it's let us try to engage in the unity of being let us not dehumanize scorn or other other eyes but listen with a loving mind and employ our moral imagination to help us understand one another's struggles let us return again to our guiding principles of inherent worth compassion and acceptance of one another like Kemi Adagaroye and the artist at the sanctuaries let us reach out and trust in love let us not only dream but join hands and share the journey of life let us build and tell our stories together and let us be persistent let's be an amen once upon a time most folks used the offering plate to fulfill their pledges of financial support nowadays lots of folks click on their church websites or set up automatic transfers from their checking accounts some still write a monthly check paying their church bill along with all the others but passing the offering plate has never just been a practical exercise it has always been a ritual even if your pledge is paid up it is worthwhile for you to bring even just a dollar to drop into the plate as a ritual reminder of that form of love we call generosity let it be a reminder that after meeting our obligations to ourselves and our households and the communities to which we belong and are committed we must still keep our capacity to give the practice of giving until it is second nature and first response helps bring forth the realm of love the offering which we will share with Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin today will now be gratefully received if you would please rise and body or in spirit for our closing hymn number 318 we would be one please be seated our closing words are by the Reverend Nate Walker when we observe oppression let us develop strategies that free not only the oppressed but also the oppressor let us remember that those who who use their power to deny freedom to others are also imprisoned and are also worthy of care do not let their unjust actions inspire us to cruelty or else we soon will become what we set out against stand we must stand strong and bold but let us choose a new way to balance the scales rather than shoving our foot on a presser's necks let us instead reach out a hand offer a seat and show them and even ourselves a new way of justice making by collectively experimenting with the moral imagination