 To Add The Crossroads, I am your host, Keisha King, and you can find me every Wednesday live at five on Add The Crossroads. You can find me at thinktechhawaii.com, and you can also find us on the Facebook page for Think Tech Hawaii. And after the show, you can catch me on YouTube. Every week we are here discussing topics that matter to you. We always try to remain real and relevant. Today is no different. I want to slow down just a little bit, because our background is different, our table is different, and as I said before, we are doing it just a little bit different with a red table talk this week. Yes, once a month, I'm going to ensure that we have a red table talk, much like my friend Jada Pinkett Smith and her lovely mother and wonderful daughter. They have a guest each week where they discuss topics that really matter, conversations that are important to us all. This week, we are having a discussion about relationships. Now, it's very special for us here in Hawaii, because today is February 13, 2019, and tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Oh, how we love Valentine's Day. Quite frankly, I love the day after Valentine's Day when all the chocolate is on sale, but that's a different discussion. Tomorrow is all about love, love, love, love, love. Did you know, I've got some statistics I want to share with you about Valentine's Day. Did you know that 54% of Americans celebrate Valentine's Day? Now, I don't know why it's not 100%. I don't know why it's not more than half of America, but 54% is still significant, especially when you consider that $18.2 billion is spent for that one day. So people are enjoying candy, of course, lots of chocolate. We are enjoying roses and other beautiful flowers. There's date night. There are a lot of people going out for special dinners, romantic walks on the beach, movies, all that wonderful stuff. I'm not rolling my eyes or anything. I'm just saying, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's something to look forward to. And actually, I think I love it because love is in the air, right? For most people, it's a great time. Well, today's guests are back again for a part two about love and relationships. They're going to share with us some wonderful things about their own marriage. They'll share about their own business as relationship coaches, and they'll share a little bit about their event that's coming up this Saturday, as a matter of fact. So without any further ado, we'll show you some pictures of the lovely couple Rod and Rochon Broussard. They're back with us again. Yay. Hello. Hello. Welcome back. Thank you for having us back again. Yes. So glad to be back. Awesome. It is my pleasure. You guys were amazing last week. Wonderful. He was amazing last week. We were. Yes. Yes. You all were both collectively and individually. Thank you. And I think it was because you had the opportunity to share from your heart about real issues, real fun issues, getting married, where you all met, and then real challenging issues. Just going through the ups and downs of everyday life as a married couple. You also have a wonderful blended family. Yes, we do. We do. Two children? Yes. Yes. Boy and a girl. Yes. Okay. Good job. I remember. I was married for 22 lovely years. 22 years. October this year will be 23. Oh, congratulations. Yes. October with? 12. October 12. So, 10, 12. Yes. That's a good day. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. There you go. Now, Keisha, if I may, I would like to address one thing when you were saying about just statistics. Okay. That 50% of my percent, the other 50% of the individuals, either celebrating that whole week of Valentine's, or like myself, they like to do it throughout the year, not just that one day. So, that's probably why it's only 50% of my percent. That's just my take on it. I think that's a good thought, right? Yes. Like, maybe some people are celebrating all year long, maybe they celebrate throughout the entire week, right? That's interesting to think about because people do celebrate Valentine's Day in all holidays differently. Yes. So, what's more important to you all, to celebrate once a day, I mean one day out of the year, or obviously you like to celebrate throughout the year, what has been most meaningful? Well, most meaningful to me is throughout the year, because one day is just that one day. But throughout the year, him showing me how much he loves me. And she's showing me how much he loves me, too. Now, it's not just a one-sided thing. That is most important. Okay. Yes. Okay. Because you know what? Sometimes it's good that you all bought that up. Yes. Relationships, or not relationships, but Valentine's Day, it's more geared toward the women. Especially the way they do it in this country. Sometime we put so much emphasis on what is the man doing for the wife. This is a two, like we said last week, it's a teen thing. So it's a dual purpose. It's not just one thing for buying flowers for the female and candies and chocolate going out to eat. It is about the entire package of the relationship. How much do we engage in one another? How much do we show appreciation for one another? Not just because it's this day that's been set aside for observing it, but because this is what we love to do. We want to show it. Hey, you know what? We've been together, been through thick and thin, been through highs and lows. I love you. I respect you. I'm glad you're on my team. I want to show you my appreciation. Awesome. Makes me smile. Awesome. Say it louder for the people in the back. I said he makes me smile. That's so good. That's so good. I'm glad for the both of you. You know, so one of the things that we talked about last week had to deal with, you said the words, know your partner's love language. So I was wondering if you could share a little bit about that. Well, when I was referring to the love languages, I was referring to the five love languages in regards to individuals and I'm just going to go here with my little booklet here. And so with my husband, his five love languages are acts of service and physical touch, you know. That's my top two. That's my top two with that physical touch, you know, on the back of my head type thing. You got to know what it is that your spouse likes, what your mate likes because you could be giving them something and trying to fill their love language in their tank and that's not even what they need or what they want. So for this individual person here, he likes the physical touch. He likes acts of services. He loves it when I do things for him. Not because he asks me, it's because I'm going it willingly. Woo! You like that, don't you? I love that right there. Especially when it's something that she don't normally like to do her on her own. She come out of a self-dead. Oh, that just means the world to me. Okay. Looking down that selfishness because selfishness can sometimes get into those relationships and hinder it a little bit there. So acts of service is very good. Okay. Very good. So how did you go about the process of learning one another's love language? I had to study this woman. Okay. I had to understand her, observe her, watch her and figure out who is this that I'm married to because she is very intricate in all her different ways. And that's something that I think a lot of times we don't, on the surface, get to know after we get married. We don't take the time to do it when we're dating, we're recording, but once we get married, we take a lot of that for granted. Because in the beginning we do all that talking, our ambassador showed up, we learned about it. But after the fact, we can live, start settling in, kids, whatever the kids may be, and sometime you let that stuff go off to the side. But as life goes on, especially for those who have been married for over 5, 10, 20 years, there's shifts in life and shifts in your relationship. And you got to come back and reassess those shifts. You got to say, okay, are you still the same person? Well, married to, you know, 10, 20 years ago. It might not be. Okay. So for couples now who have been in this, are you recommending that they take this love languages quiz? I know that you mentioned earlier that there was a quiz online. Yes, there is. You can go online and look under five love languages and there you'll be able to find the quiz, find out about, first of all, yourself too. What it is that you like about yourself or some of the things that you want to learn about you and then you'll be able to find out about your spouse. So go on there, take the test. Don't be afraid of the test now. It's just there to help you, you know, when you're trying to learn your spouse. And you will have some hiccups in the beginning stages because sometimes you'll be doing something for your spouse or your mate that they may not like. This is where the communication comes into place. They can tell you, babe, I don't like that. This is not my love language. This is what I like. So again, with the five love languages, communication is going to have to be a key thing too. As we talked about last week. Yeah. And remember with that too, in that shifting over the time and over the years or different parts of life that you've experienced, sometime your love languages may change a little bit. What may be priority in the first few years may not be the same level of priority in the later years. So that's something else to keep in mind. So you're constantly growing and changing and developing and you're constantly learning each other, constantly finding out, okay, who are you this week? Last week, you could have been a different individual, who are you this week? That is so true. That's where that quality time comes in for having those, what we call check in moments. I'm going to write that down. Check in moments. Yes. Yes. Check in moments. Yes. Okay. So quality time and check in moments. Yes. Okay. So that sounds like date night. Is it that? You can make it a date night. Okay. Yes, you are. All right. So what about you all? How would you advise someone to go about getting that quality time? You say it could be date night. Mm-hmm. What if it isn't? Well, a lot of time for us, it corresponded with just us sitting down and talking about being in our living room or in our bedroom and we would just start having conversation. How are you today? What's going on? What's been going on with you? Who's been in your face? What's been pulling at you? What's been attracting you? All these different things like that. The different things of life that we deal with and we get to the heart of it and we try to do our best to be as open and honest with each other as possible because that's the key about it. Mm-hmm. It's being not open and honest and sharing. Yes. And the other portion of it is the other individual. When they're sharing and being open and honest with you, don't sit down, jump on them, let them talk because if not, especially for men, you'll shut us down. Right. And with Stonewall, then we won't say nothing else. You know, it could be the same thing for women as well. Mm-hmm. If you're willing to open here, even if it's a little hard to swallow it, be open to hear what they have to say. Okay. Mm-hmm. All right. So then what you're saying is just have regular, constant communication. Yes. Yes. Right? Check-in points that kind of help you get some insight on your mate. Yes. And also too, at times, you may have to put it on the calendar. Mm-hmm. Might have to schedule it. Yeah. Schedule it. But that's not a real business. That's what I was going to say. This sounds like I have to pencil you in. I mean... Sometimes. Yeah. But I think it's important that people are intentional about their life, about their relationships. Mm-hmm. Right? And so intentionality is something that I think would be important to anyone, but especially if you're in a marriage. When things are going well, it's easy to do. Yes. What about couples who are out there right now, who are struggling in their marriage? How would that look for them? What would that be like for them? That would be a very hard one because if you're struggling already, that means your communication is not really great. So I would recommend you would have to put these selfish barriers down once again because somebody in the relationship has to be the grown person and say, okay, we got to get and deal with this regardless of how you feel, regardless of how I feel, regardless of whether the situation right now is rough. Somebody has to take the high road. On the ship, huh? On the ship, yeah. On the ship. So take ownership. So if you're taking ownership of that thing, then y'all can sit down. Sometimes it's not easy because you have a hot head, man or woman that don't want to listen. Mm-hmm. So you have to become strategic. Mm-hmm. Now for this one here, I had to learn some strategies on how to approach him. Okay. When was the best time to approach him? How to approach him? And I always would tell him women have power that we don't tap into sometimes because we can be like, babe, can we talk or either because sometimes when you say, babe, can we talk? Mm-hmm. That runs the man away. Okay. Yeah. You can always just say, babe, there's some things that I would like to discuss. There's a way if you learn how to approach the situation that you can get whatever you want. Okay. For the woman. So as well as vice versa. Right. Even in those rough times. Yes. Even in the rough times. I saw something online the other day and they were talking about the different meanings behind the same phrase and I think the phrase was, are you straight, right? So in the neighborhood, are you straight or you're straight, right? Because that's how they say it. Yes. It could be if you are in a relationship and you're saying we need to talk, if you say we need to talk, all of a sudden someone doesn't feel comfortable, right? Yes. But if you were to approach it differently, what you're all saying is if your approach is, you know, I'd really like to discuss how we are going to do this and so. That sounds very diplomatic. It sounds safe, right? So no one is going to get offended. It sounds a lot better than we need to talk or I need to talk to you. Yes. You're right on. Right on. And I would often tell my wife, there would be times she would come to me and she would have this certain sort of way that she would just take, catch me off guard and say, oh, you're smooth. You liked it. You liked the way you did that. You got me off guard and then you, you know, you ushered in some conversation when my guard was down. And then there was other times when she came at me, well, some things I had to tell her to say, maybe you might want to change your approach and you might get what you're looking for. Right. Especially if a spouse has just come in from a hard day of work, let that person, male or female, have a seat, have a couple of lemonade, treat that person kindly, give them some space before you bombard them with the challenges of the day. Make her feel happy to be home. Yeah. Because that's what either one of us want. We're out there dealing with things in the world, especially with both out there dealing with the cares and affairs of our jobs, kids, everything else is going on. So when we come home, we look at that as a place of refuge, a place of just rest and peace. So we should make it that much more for each other purposefully. I want you to feel like when you're driving up to that house, I am excited, ready to get out this car and get inside my house, meet my spouse, give myself a few minutes to unwind, detox, and hey, you know what? Let's talk today. That's how to hide your days, man. If you haven't done it already throughout the day, because sometimes you have that opportunity. That's another good way. You do it throughout the day. Have those little plug-in moments with each other. So when you do get home, you're that much more eager to see each other. Right. Now I was married once, so I know about little love notes in the lunch bag, little conversations throughout the day via text, if possible. Those types of cutesy little things really mean a lot because it usually is the small things that add up to cause the mountain of problems, right? And so I think those small things can be done to help rectify even the toughest of situations. I also feel like when you're married and you're going through a tough time, I think it's really good when you acknowledge what is good, right? Because not everything is bad, right? You fell in love with the person and some simile of that person is still there, right? Yes. A part of it that he or she is still there. Just lay it down underneath all that other stuff that now annoys you, right? So I think you just got to dig deep and rekindle that fire. So in a little while, we're going to talk more about rekindling relationships that may have suffered. But for the moment, I want you to switch gears a little bit, and we're going to talk about relationships some more, but from a different angle, okay? So we're going to talk about it probably from a perspective that is long gone from you all, the single perspective. Over 22 years ago, you guys were single. Yes. So when we come back from our break, we're going to spend time with Rod and Roshan through Saad, and we're going to talk to them more about, I was going to say life at the Crossroads, but we're going to talk to them about relationships, love, marriage, and singlehood right here at the Crossroads with Keisha King. We'll be right back. Hello. I'm Dave Stevens, host of the Cyber Underground. This is where we discuss everything that relates to computers that just kind of scare you out of your mind. So come join us every week here on thinktecawaii.com, 1 p.m. on Friday afternoons, and then you can go see all our episodes on YouTube. Just look up the Cyber Underground on YouTube. All our shows will show up, and please follow us. We're always giving you current, relevant information to protect you. Keeping you safe. Aloha. Aloha. I'm Wendy Lo, and I'm coming to you every other Tuesday at 2 o'clock live from thinktecawaii, and on our show, we talk about taking your health back. And what does that mean? It means mind, body, and soul. Anything you can do that makes your body healthier and happier is what we're going to be talking about, whether it's spiritual health, mental health, fascia health, beautiful smile health, whatever it means, let's take healthy back. Aloha. Aloha. I'm Yukari Kunisue, the host of Konnichiwa Hawaii, Japanese talk show on thinktecawaii. Konnichiwa Hawaii is all Japanese broadcast show and is streamed live on thinktec at 2 p.m. every other Monday. Thank you so much for watching our show. We look forward to seeing you then. I'm Yukari Kunisue. Mahalo. I interview guests who are successful in business, sports, and life, which is sure to inspire you in finding your greatness. Join me every Monday as we go beyond the lines at 11 a.m. Aloha. All right. Welcome back to At the Crossroads. I'm your host, Keisha King. And today, we are having a red table talk about love and relationships. We have a lovely guest couple on with us today. It is Rod and Roshan Broussard. Welcome back. Thank you. Thank you. Indeed. So before our break, we were talking about singles. All right. Now, you all know I'm single. I'm happy to be single. I'm having a great time being single because I travel and do all these wonderful things. I try my best to make single life look as good as it is because I think there is something to it, right? For me, I have a different purpose, a higher purpose for now, not forever. So when I decide that I'm ready for a relationship or to get serious about the people who are pressing me for a relationship, that's key, but when I decide for all of those things to happen, tell me what should I look out for? What should I do to prepare my heart and mind and not just me? More seriously, I think for our audience who might be single, especially with Valentine's Day coming up. You want me to get this one? Yes. All right. I would like to say the very first thing that should be on your top priority, if nothing else, am I ready to be unselfish? Nope. Well, yes, it's a show. It's a show. We're done here. We can go. No. I like my time to myself. I like my money to myself. I like making all the decisions about my life. When I want to travel, I pick up the passport and go. Why should I give up that life? Really? Don't look at it as you giving it up, but as you just open it up to it with somebody else, you can enjoy it with them. Adding to it. Yes. Yes. Enhancing. Enhancing. Okay. You're speaking my language. Okay. Okay. So you need to have what you were saying? Unselfishness. Yes. Okay. That's your baseline right there. Yes. Other things I would say is you have to have something to bring to the table. I mean, a lot of singles nowadays, men and women, come to the table with minimum. If you're not coming to the table with something to offer to the individual, what do you bring to the team to make the team better, to add to or to multiply it to? What is your purpose for the relationship? Have a job. Have a job. Yes. Have a job that is key. And then for the young ladies, we talked about unselfishness, but also to be insecure in who you are before you get into the relationship, because again, you guys are going to be complimenting one another. And yes, there is hope in that, but also you want to know who you are. Yes. Confident in yourself. Be confident in who God has created you to be. And when you do that, trust me, you're going to find somebody else who's confident as well, who can pour into you and help elevate you. You want to be with somebody that's going to elevate you and not put you down on that doorstep or doormat. Right. So. I agree. And something else you said last week that I thought was key is self-love. Yes. Self-love. Because let's face it. A lot of times people get caught up in what they think self-love is. And they think it's hair and nails, personal grooming, going to the massage, the masseuse once a week or once a month, whatever. And that's really not it. Self-love is so much more than that. Would you like to elaborate on that? Self-love is you loving you first. Because one of the things is how can I love you when I don't even know how to love myself properly. So that to me is self-love, learning how to love you. And then when you do that, again, you can love someone else. And also being confident in your own ability to be you. Because some people are not confident in their ability to be themselves. They're trying to be like everybody else. Trying to duplicate somebody else's relationship. And that can't happen. That's so true. Because when you think about it, you look at social media, right? Oh, yeah. We talked about, because we're doing a red table talk, we talked about Will and Jada. But I mean, there's Steph Curry and his wife. If they are not the picture perfect family, and we look at them and we look at so many other couples, even Barack and Michelle. Right? We look at so many other couples and we compare ourselves and say relationship goals was a hashtag that was really popular. Plenty of people say it. But you really have to be confident in who you are and what you bring to the table. You have to know yourself and love yourself long before you think about getting into a relationship with someone else. Know where your strengths are. I want to say weaknesses, but your areas that could always improve. Because we don't want to label it as a weakness. Because it's not really weak. It's just maybe not as refined as it can be. Like for instance, she has areas that she's stronger than me in. And I like to gravitate to those areas in her because it helps build up and strengthen those areas that I need to improve. And vice versa. Right. And I think that's part of the beautiful puzzle of relationships is that when you know yourself, it gives you a better clue as to who should be in your life. And notice I didn't say who you should look for. Because not everybody should be doing the looking. I heard someone say, a really great speaker years ago said nowadays the roles are reversed. But it's not like that in nature. Right. You never see a deer standing up with a gun. Hunting down a man. Not at all. It's not natural. We see that something is wrong. Okay. We hear the saying down south. It's no fun when the rabbit got the gun. Exactly. It's no fun. It's no fun. No your role. I believe in this society that's where we have it mixed up. Because you have so many young ladies running after the prey instead of them being the prey. Exactly. Them being the one that the man is chasing after. And you being worthy of him chasing you. Right. And then in part men have to understand too, as the word says, God's word, he that findeth a wife. Not she that findeth a husband. Right. So we got to get in perspective. So as we understand our role, and as we understand our place in it, we are the ones that's establishing ourselves, establishing something to offer. And we're the one that's searching. We're the one that's hunting. And women probably could learn how to be hunted. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And then grab you. Yeah. The right one. Right. The right one. And then do you have expectations? He said the word. Right. Well, I said lower them, you know, because sometimes we can put the expectations so high that they're not even realistic for our own self. Some of y'all looking for Jesus. That's what he said. He's trying to say it real nice, but let's just be honest. Every woman has a list. She's out there talking about that list. Right. And the reality is Jesus couldn't even fulfill some of these. So. Imperfect, imperfect coming together to be a collective team that could strive for perfection. Right. With two imperfect individuals. Right. But as a team we can make it happen together. I can't do it all by myself. She can't do it all by herself. But together we can. Right. That gives the single people hope. Okay. That there is a team player out there for you, but let him find you. Yes. Okay. So tell it to camera four. Okay. Camera four. The people out there. That's a very good note to have. Let the team player find you. Yes. So you don't go out there trying to find the team player. And trust me, when he finds you, you will know if it's the right one. Yes. You will see it right. You will hear it right. And you will know that it's right. That sounds good. Listen. They have a wonderful event coming up at the International City of Refuge is the, are the sponsors and the host for this event. So we're going to flash their flyer right there. You can see it is on the 16th. So it's actually this Saturday. Yes. And you guys have a wonderful event. It's Christ plus you equals love for singles, couples, individuals, you name it. And tell us a little bit about that event as we close. You got about 15 seconds. Okay. So it's at the Hickam Officers Club. And it's $40 per person. So you can go onto the CRCC website and make your payment there today is the last day to make your payment on the website. So we advise you if you would like to come, have fun, dance, enjoy other couples, other singles that are engaged or just, just themselves learning to love themselves. You can come out and trust me, we're going to have a great time. Awesome. Thank you all so much. It is so much fun having you on our show every week. I enjoy being here every week, but I just made the past two. Yeah, today and last week. But it is always fun because you do enlighten us. You teach us so much and we're just really, really pleased to have you all. Hopefully we'll have you again. Maybe you'll be our relationship experts. Wonderful. Okay. If I start dating again, I'll call you. Call me on the cell, girl. Okay, girl. I will give you a call and I'll say, okay, here's my list. Here's the guy. We'll figure it out. Yes. And I think that you all are looking into doing that for others. I know you've done it for so many. I've studied your page. So I've seen where you have shared with others throughout Virginia Beach and here, saying that you have offered them tips and have helped in marriages as well. Is that about right? Yes. Every place that we've been stationed at, we've had an honor to be able to pour into other people's lives in regards to relationships. And it's simply because we want to help either with our friends or our associates or just somebody we met or somebody in the ministry. We want to help them because we went through some things and we came out on the other side and wanted to say, hey, look, you can make it. Just like we had our spiritual big brothers and sisters that was telling us the same thing when we were starting out. And we couldn't see it. They kept laughing at us and said, you know what, y'all are going to be all right. Just wait and see. And we could not see it. But once we did start making it at that plateau and we were all right, then we started to realize, hey, you know what, let's share the same thing with someone else because they're going to be the same way like we were if they continue to work at it. Well, thank you all so much again for tuning in to At the Crossroads where every week we just try to bring you real life situations and have real discussions about them. We like to remain relevant and real. And as we close, I want to say once again, we will always have a red table talk at least once a month. And who knows what our next talk will be like. We have wonderful guests always. And of course, I'm always here and I enjoy it. So I'm going to leave you all today with this lovely, very romantic poem that I wrote. It simply says, roses are red, violets are blue. I had a wonderful time here with you. Amazing. Amazing. We'll see you next time at the Crossroads. Aloha. Aloha.