 This time she pulled, she grabbed two handfuls of my locks and she pulled them all the way in the backseat, all the way like so far that my head was yanking back and it was it was up from there. I positioned myself on that front seat. I have a daughter so, you know, it's home. Yeah, it does. It does. So, what would you do if your daughter came to you and was like, dad, I want a boob job. And she's like 21. No, that's not going to happen because it's her mom. But I want to do such a good job of making her feel beautiful without making her feel too beautiful because that's also the other side of the extreme where she smells herself too much and nothing is good enough for me. Yeah, I would be heartbroken if that ever happened. So, as I'm listening to you, I'm also taking advice. I'm also getting game. I want you to elaborate on, because I imagine, okay, let me backtrack. A lot of times we talk about pretty privilege, right? And all the perks that come along with that. I don't think we do a good enough job talking about some of the drawbacks. And you've mentioned one where like, you don't know if people actually like, fuck with you for real versus they just want the trophy, the check in the box off their list. What's that experience actually like? Like, do you get into the core of what the experience actually is to know that, like you said, on a slow night, two dudes are still going to walk up to me. How is that experience? And I imagine it could potentially corrupt somebody. Absolute power corrupts absolutely or corrupts or skews your view of men or skews your view of people. Probably even women are coming up to you now saying, you know, let's be friends because they want to be with the bad bitches at the club. So what's that experience? That's kind of why I'm the woman that you see before you today. Like I didn't wear makeup like that when I was legs up back. But once your appearance changes, people just want to be close to you in a certain way. And I started like even my friend group changed because the women that I used to hang around just stopped inviting me. Why? Tell the truth. Why? They couldn't afford ABVL. They couldn't afford their life post. So you made that look bad? Is that? With certain, in certain situations. Yeah. And so, and you notice it like they're never, they're not going to say anything to you, but you notice that people start hanging out without you. And they're uncomfortable in your presence or, you know, you just stop getting texts, stop getting calls from certain people. And it's like everything was cool when I was 190 and I was the fat, funny friend. But now I'm the fine, funny friend. And it's a problem. And that's why pretty girls typically tend to hang with pretty girls. And yeah, I had to start hanging in like I hang with my best friend now who is a more slim, more, you know, shapely woman, very pretty. And another girl who was the same shapely, very pretty. And it's just like people just expect to see you with see us together. Like they just expect to see our click. Are your relationships more superficial now? Even your friendships? Well, my friendships, no. I think my, with my friends, since we kind of all understand each other's fight, it's genuine between us. So because we get it like we, I can go to them with problems that only they will understand. So we've kind of bonded in our isolation a little bit. But with guys, that isolation is scary. Because it's like, quote unquote, a bad bitch, but still with that same fat girls heart. I don't want to be a city girl. I don't want to use guys for their money. I don't want to live the fast pace life. I don't want to have 10 dudes in my phone. One guy for food, one guy for rice, one guy for dig, one guy for it. So I don't want that. So I got to narrow it down. But that's hard to do now. And I think good guys oftentimes get lost in the DMs of all the other guys. Or I might not even be able to recognize them because I think I got you figured out. It's just, it's hard. It's hard. And that's one of the reasons why, even though the situation with me and my ex was so ghetto, that's one of the reasons why I kept running back to him. Because I had, yeah, and I had already established that, that love with him. Because like, if he was already with me when I was legs up back, then I know you really love him. But all these other guys, I don't know. So it's just, it's difficult. And it's like, I don't know what you want. But then at the same time, I got a date guys to figure out what they want. Oh my God, it's just too much. And I end up just isolating myself. Like people just think I just be out here just living the life. And I don't, I'm your home in my robe, in my bonnet, on the computer, don't schoolwork or actually working. Because I'm just, I'm tired of it. I've heard the conversation I've heard from a guy that I would make a good stripper. He told me I'll make a good stripper. Why? He said my personality. Oh, like niggas would actually fall in love with you. He said my personality. I have, you know, the personality and then personable. Yeah. And then my ex told me that I should move up to Atlanta and become a bottle girl. That's stripper junior. Yeah. And so it's like, and I hear that from other people, like, you should go to Atlanta, you'll make so much money. You should go do this, you and this and this and that. So it's like, so this is what y'all see in me now. So this is what y'all see for me now. Is a part of you insulted by that? A little bit. I mean, it's like, damn, thank you, but, damn. Come on. Like, I want to be a doctor. I can't be a big woody doctor with the cleavage out. And part of that is my own thought. Like we was just talking about my Instagram, you see what you see and I look like I'm trying to become a bottle girl. And no, I'm just like, I'm happy that my body looks how I wanted it to always look now. And so I'm just trying to, it ain't even about showing it to the world because not being on social media, a lot of times when I end up posting this because my friends like, girl, you need to post, you need to post, you need to post those pictures look great, you need to post. So I ended up posting and there it is. But it's just like, I'm just happy, like, wow, look at me, you know. And it's just like, wow, this is, this is my life now. This is, oh, good stripper, huh? Good bottle girl. So in a way, I kind of like, I put myself in a position, not one that I can't get out of. But I'm putting myself in a position where, you know, and people are seeing me for a certain thing. And it's insulting to an extent. And sometimes it can be like a compliment. Like, no, you think I'm pretty enough to sit with those girls? Like, you think I'm pretty enough? Because I never saw that in me. I've never thought that I was ugly again, but I never saw myself. It's like up there, up there. And you know, makeup is sorcery. So, but yeah, what is this journey? And I'm talking about pre-BBL, fat, legs up back to now, bad bitch. What has it taught you about people? Because you have a different vantage point on people now. Like, yo, on some Mike Jones shit, back then you'd be like, what have you learned about people in human nature? Men and women? Well, people want to be closer to you when they have things that, when you have, or they deem you to have things that they may want themselves, or things that they look up to themselves. People don't really care about your well-being. They just want to see, they just want to watch the circus, so to speak. And a lot of times people try to live their life vicariously through you. I learned a lot about women in that the girl power thing really is a facade. It looked good on the outside, but it's so unstable. Do you have an example that you can give a story? Like, when did you realize that? Or when did you? I can tell you about one friend that I specifically fell out about. And I think part of the reason why we fell out was because of this change in my appearance. She was one of those girls that I hung out with when I was the fat funny friend. And I complimented her well because I was the fat funny friend. Was she also... Well, she is legs up back too, but she's light skinned and she's pretty. So she was a pretty girl at the time. Yeah, I mean, I mean, her look better. And so when I flipped the screw up, couldn't deal with it. She couldn't deal with it. We actually got into a fist fight over it. I won. But we just got to put that in there. But we got into a fight over it. And it just... What did... I want you to break down this fight. Like, how did it even start? Because you thank you now. You're pretty now. This is like, what was the process? Well, it was the energy that she was giving me towards the whole change in my appearance. The fight actually started because she was drunk. And you know how those feelings that you always held deep down come out when you're drunk? Like her... So we were... It was me, her and another friend. And we were all out drinking and we were in a car trying to find another place to go to. And she was like the drunkest out of all of us. So she was upset with us for some reason. And we all were like arguing, but it was like play argument. Like, you know, just how girls do being catty. And so she goes back and forth with one of my... With the other girl. And it's just talking. They're just, you know, going back and forth. And then she go back and forth with me. And she grabbed a chunk of my hair. And she's just like yanked it. In the backseat. And I was just like, why that hostility towards me? Like, what'd I do? I let it slide because I'm like, okay, you're drunk. So... She didn't rub it on your hair. I had my locks so she could... But I'm like, what did I do? But I was pissed. But I'm like, okay, I'm... You're drunk. I'm not gonna go there with you. But five minutes later, we started all the arguing back again. And she did the same thing. She was arguing with the other girl. No smoke. Mind you, the other girl didn't have no BBL or nothing. So we started arguing with me. This time, she pulled... She grabbed two handfuls of my locks and she pulled them all the way in the backseat. All the way like so far that my head was yanking back. And it was up from there. I positioned myself on that front seat. But stuff like that, it just shows... In that instance, it just showed me... Like, I already knew that there was a tension between us and that she didn't really care for me. But like I said, I may always... She kept me around because I'm a turn-up girl. I'm lit and plenty. And I was the fat, funny friend. So I just made her look good. But now that I've flipped the switch, now it's this hostility towards me that's just coming out of nowhere. And it just kind of boiled over in that instance. And I lost a friend. Quote, quote. Yeah, you didn't really lose anything because she was never really your friend. Right. So... But that just it showed me like, wow, that in certain friends, just stop communicating as much or stop wandering me around as much. It just kind of showed me like, wow. How do you make friends now as a bad bitch? Like, how do those friendships happen? Well, I try to always just be as positive as possible. Like, you know, I don't have a jealous nature or even back when I was legs up back, I didn't care about hanging out with a female that was thicker than me or a female that was prettier than me. Because I was, I had my insecurities, but I still, I've always had this thought that I can only be me. So I can't worry about what you got going on because you can only be the best you and I can only be the best me. So what if like, what good is it going to do me to sit here and hate on you? I mean, I can just go out and be the best me. And I would like to think, why haven't I like made any new friends recently? But I do notice that typically it's just like really, really, really, it has to be like really prettier girls. Not like it has to be like girls that kind of understand what I'm on, like women that work out, women that keep themselves up, women that, you know, dress nice. They're typically the women that, or actually I can say, my roommate introduced me to some of her friends, which I click with very well. And they kind of were like, you know, the pretty girls and it's like, wow, okay, I'm a cool kid now. So I would say personally, I think friendship, it doesn't, you can be friends with anybody. It doesn't matter what somebody looks like for them to be your friend, your genuine friend. But it seems like it's just a certain type of woman that I kind of just, or that gravitates towards me now, and is actually comfortable with hanging out a second time or third time, you know, so those are the ones that end up being friends. Okay. Because it's lonely, it's isolated.