 Dating these types of men, especially when they're over 40, are the most dangerous. So we're gonna dive into the types of men you may want to consider saying, avoiding a little bit before you dive into deep. And we'll get into those five types of men in a moment. Now really quickly, I know this topic says the word dangerous and to some degree, I don't wanna suggest anything naive or let me reframe that. I don't want to blow smoke up your ass to suggest that the dating marketplace doesn't have its challenges. I mean, the reality is, it is somewhat of a minefield out there in our current environment of dating, mating or relating. And I think it's naive to believe otherwise. And I think that night nativity comes from this belief that chemistry equals relationship success. And women oftentimes adopt the philosophy, well, if we just love each other enough, we'll make it work out without any real consciousness to the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. At the same time, I recognize many of you are rather frustrated and rightfully so. It can feel frustrating, because as I said earlier, it feels like a landmine, it feels dangerous. And yet when you're equipped with the proper equipment, you can actually navigate a minefield with a great amount of success. And I even wanna go a step further to offer the understanding that each one of you are so empowered. You are infused with so much power that you can actually change the course of your life. I am in full belief that each one of you can change the direction of your life when you are armed with knowledge, I say armed with knowledge, when you've infused yourself with knowledge, and then you practice this knowledge in your life. This is why I'm such a big proponent of individuals doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work as part of your dating, mating or relating practice because it puts the odds in your favor. And I'm here to say each one of you has the potential. You have the hope of achieving something miraculous. You really do have, I wanna infuse optimism for each one of you. Did you ever see the movie Shawshank Redemption? If you have, it's with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. And Tim Robbins was unfairly accused of a crime and he spent 19 years in prison. And he literally, literally was walking on glass every single day of that period of time. And he had to endure a lot of pain. And in a moment I'll relate this to our dating environment. For 19 years I had to endure this. And yet he had a vision for himself. He held hope that he could escape and he had a plan on how to escape. He actually devised a plan and he curated that plan over a decade or two to be prepared to escape. And at the end of the movie he does escape and he achieves a life that he never thought he was ever going to achieve. Maybe even prior to getting into prison because he lived a life of kind of superficiality. He had to endure a lot of pain to be in a space where he could actually learn to appreciate life. And so a lot of the frustration you feel in the dating mating and market play, dating mating and relating marketplace particularly many of your frustration with men is because you are on your own hero's journey. And by being prepared on this journey you have a greater chance of achieving what you desire. So let me give you an example of one of the tools one of you followers of mine shared with me and how this can apply to approaching the process a little bit different going forward. I wanna empower you all that you have the power to shift your own individual narrative. And this woman wrote, woman posted how she posted. She asked a man if he was seeking marriage on the first text exchange that she had with him. So I guess she met through a dating app and I guess maybe let me reframe that. I think it's the first exchange but it was most likely the second or third exchange. She said, are you seeking marriage? And his response was, how should I know? I haven't even met you. How do I know I haven't even met you? So in some ways he believed she was being presumptuous but it wasn't she was asking, are you seeking marriage with me? She was asking, are you seeking marriage? And then he went on to profess that he was simply on the dating sites for hooking up. And she discontinued communication. By that one simple action, she literally changed the course of the amount of time she was gonna invest in the wrong person. So when I talk about dangerous, I'm talking about investing in the wrong person. So one of the things I teach in my private coaching, by the way, here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you is discernment is vetting, getting clarity before engaging can save hours of frustration. Now ladies, you know this when I'm about to share next. Men are oftentimes driven by their sexual desires. You know this, you know this. So look at this man. He said, look, I'm just in it for a hookup, okay? So if the mind field is filled, and by the way, I'm a guy who wants sex. It's not the only thing I want, but it's something that I want. I'm a red-blooded male like the rest of the men out in the dating marketplace. And a lot of you actually kindly look up to me, but I'm no different than many of the men. I'm driven by my penis, okay? So it makes sense to ask some clear questions early on and we can curate those questions for you in my private coaching if you're interested because I do personalize everything to yourself. But asking some of these questions will save hours of frustration. Now we men, you see, if you can assume men want sex, we men assume you all want commitment. Like we basically make that assumption. And in fact, because you are more apt to seek commitment, you oftentimes give your power away because many women have been indoctrinated not all, but a lot of you have been indoctrinated in the belief, well, if we love each other, it will all work out. We can work through any problem if we love each other, we can be so misaligned with each other, but if we love each other, we can work it out. I'm here to say love is a powerful force. It is a powerful force. There is no doubt in my mind, love is a powerful force. But just remember to actually achieve a state of love true love, real genuine love, it takes spending a fair amount of time together in a variety of different circumstances to actually quantify the level of love versus what a lot of women have subscribed to is if I'm deeply attached to you, I will walk through glass hoping that you're gonna be at the other end. And I'm not here to suggest that for you. Hence why this topic is called dating these types of men over 40 are most dangerous. So let's talk about the men over 40, one of the unique aspects of the over 40 crowd. And what I'm about to share is anecdotal, but roughly 75% of men and women who are dating after 40 are divorced. So one of the most dangerous men to date is the man who has just been divorced or just broke up with somebody. So somebody that recently just ended a relationship literally minutes ago, those are very dangerous people to date because while some men have dependence, codependency and they immediately attached to a woman, there's a high probability that whatever problems he had in his marriage will repeat in the future if he had, and he may not even know what he seeks for quite some time. So these men who just got divorced, going through a divorce, just broke up with their girlfriends are pretty risky bet. When we talk about dangerous, we're talking about risk. And I would suggest to you that you're better served by for somebody who has gone through a divorce, preferably two years after their marriage ended. And certainly if they had a significant relationship, a good six months to a year before you choose to pick someone who literally broke up with someone a nanosecond ago. That's just my recommendation for you. Number two, since we're on the topic of divorce, a contentious divorce or has a contentious relationship with his ex-spouse. And by the way, this is true for us men too. You know, we don't wanna date women who have a contentious relationship with their ex-spouse. That is usually two people that are contentious to one another are adversarial to one another. Oftentimes don't make a good partner. Women who are adversarial with their ex-husbands, ex-husband's adversarial with their ex-wives, basically they kind of go hand in hand. That adversary makes it very challenging to be in relationship. And you ladies, you have this beautiful capacity to see a good in the guy, but guess what? You're not only buying the cow in this case, you're buying the ranch, you're buying the problems, you're buying the dilapidated issues. So just be mindful that if they have a contentious relationship with an ex-spouse, or even if they're still in love with their ex-spouse, you can find that out really quickly. You can find, by the way, men give this away so quickly in dating. That's how they talk about their ex-spouse. Oftentimes their contentious anger is a reflection of how hurt they were because of how much they loved that person and wanted that person back. So just be mindful that these are dangerous men to date. By the way, it was 11-11 a second ago on the clock. Okay, number three, long distance dating without a plan. If you engage in a long distance dating dynamic without a plan, and the fact is, the two of you are radically incompatible with one another, you are just setting yourself up for absolute catastrophe. Folks, long distance dating without a plan is a recipe for disaster. And it's really the understanding that if lifestyles are not compatible with one another, all the fantasy and long distance dating, that bubble experience that you might have will lead to actual sadness and heartache later on down the road. Number four, his life is in chaos. His life is in chaos. The ground underneath him isn't solid. He's going through a professional issue in his life. He's got contentious relationship with his children. He's constantly having to deal with problems. If someone's life is not solid underneath them, then they can't build the foundation of a new relationship and they are just sadly temporarily using you. If you're not familiar with my charts, my chart called the three types of people actively dating. This is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. Please excuse the glare. I have what's called users, spenders, grower builders. Users are the roughly 20% of the population, they seek short-term gain, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled people, selfish people, only in it for the short run. And while the grower and builders over here that represents 20% of the population, they seek long-term commitment. They have their act together, they have emotional maturity. The average person is in the spender category. And the reason why I call them spenders is they will spend time with you, but they will seek companionship, connection and sex. But no real direction, uncertainty in their life, is in chaos and they don't seek commitment. Many of you are spending hours upon hours and weeks upon weeks and months upon months and years upon years with the spender type of men. He is happy to spend time with you because you're filling a need temporarily, but oftentimes they're incapable of knowing the difference. Just so be careful of those men who have chaos in their life. And last but not least, and this is the saddest one of all, is those men who are deeply wounded in their childhood or deeply traumatized in their adult life and they've done zero healing. Believe it or not, every human experience, some level of trauma in childhood, sometimes it's micro PTSD, sometimes it's major PTSD. And even a divorce, even a contentious relationship is a traumatic experience in adult life. Human beings who have been wounded. Most everybody has been wounded. So then the question is, how deeply wounded and have they done the healing work? Because guess what? Their wounds are gonna carry forward into every single relationship in one way, shape or form. Many of you women have been deeply wounded by father, your father and you chase bad boys, you chase the players, you're not actually chasing them, you accept them because there is a wound from your childhood that most likely stems from your father. I've got a mother wound. My pattern is choosing women like my mother to some degree, not looks wise. And I've been working diligently on healing that wound, peeling the layers of those experiences so I could be prepared to meet that grower builder woman because I'm in that space of grower builder and I want you to know you all can get there. I want you to know you have the power just like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank your redemption. He held the space of hope, of optimism and he had a plan. And for those people that hold the space of hope of optimism and have a plan, have a greater chance of achieving relationship success in their life. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Hit that like button real quick. So if you have something you want to add to this, post a comment below, I do my best to read them all. As always, if you do find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And so also if you wanna connect with me directly, hit the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Find me on Instagram, check out my groups. It's all listed below. I'd love to connect with you. All right, those who know my format know it's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's my picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute, just to name a few. And SIN has been gracious to donate $5. Our goal is gonna be $50 tonight. That means we have $45 left. So thank you so much, SIN. All right, let's see what we have here. One of my Facebook member groups, I have a group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. Check out the link below. She writes, depends on whether they can ignore their contentious ex or not. And if their ex continues to punish through alienation, manipulation of the children, if they get sucked in, there's going to be a problem. Dealing with this takes healing. Yes, we are all wounded, but it's whether each person has done the healing work. Exactly what I just said earlier. Ty says, hey, look, I have a father wound. He passed away in 2022. I'm trying to heal. I do miss him. Oh, sadly, my mother passed away so I can relate. So thank you so much. Margaret's in the house, Leif's in the house. Let's see what we've got here. If we've got any comments or questions, while we're waiting for questions, if you have a question. Oh, Margaret's so generous to give us a $20 super sticker. That means we only have $30 left for our goal tonight. Thank you so much. Oh, Rudy's really generous, another $10. So that means we have a $20 goal. Wow, we got a lot of love. Okay, Diane's in the house. How can you tell if you're dating a grower, builder, or a spender? Great question. So I kind of laid out the most significant percentage of spenders. They just broke up with their ex, you know? Or they broke up with somebody. They have a contentious relationship with a previous partner. You're doing a long distance and there's no plan. His life is in chaos or wounded childhood with no healing. So that's probably a good start. And a grower builder definitively wants a life partner. They have a long-term mating strategy. So they're vetting you to see if you're actually a viable candidate for them. That's how you can tell you're with a grower builder. Thank you for that question, Diane. By the way, Debbie just gave us a $10 super sticker. Wow. So we are, listen, our goal now is gonna be $100 tonight. So we need $60 more. We're gonna go for $100 tonight. PK says, how are you, Jonathan? I am doing really well, thank you. I am doing really well. I appreciate that. I've been in a funk. I think the eclipse put me in a rather gigantic funk for the last week and a half. And I feel as though that the message that I want to impart on all of you is the recognition that you all have the power within you. You have the power within you. Just like Andy Dufresne did in Shawshank Redemption. We are all suffering some sort of prison. We are walking through glass. Suffering is part, here's the thing. How do you know love if you don't know the opposite of love? Like how can you really know you're in love with someone unless you've experienced the shitty parts of life? I think part of life includes suffering. We came to this experience so we can experience contrast. And so in that space, I believe for those who have done the inner work, they're better prepared for a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. By the way, I just put a link. If you wanna join me live, I would really appreciate someone has the courage to join me live right now. I just put a link in the chat box. I'd love to have someone join me live that we can talk about anything you wanna talk about. Anika is in the house. Is it a red flag if a man says that he's done all the healing he could do? I believe there is always more room for more and actually his behavior doesn't communicate that. I think many people believe that they can go to one workshop and feel like they're healed. So I do believe that does happen. And certainly there's a benefit to that. And yet a true introspective person recognize there's always much more to do. Believe me, folks. I am a, I'm gonna, I am aware that I have so many layers of shit that I've experienced on an emotional level. And it fascinates me and I'm blessed that every single day I get to peel a layer. But much like an onion, sometimes it's just a sliver of a, it's just a thin layer is what I mean. And so if they believe that they can go to workshop and they're healed, is that a red flag? Red flag simply means ask more questions. I don't think it's a deal breaker in and of itself, Monica. So thank you so much. Mercury in retrograde and air as LOL. Yes, coming back to the eclipse. By the way, I guess I have one of my houses in Libra and that really affected me because the eclipse was in Libra or something like that. Sue Ann just gave us a $10 super sticker. Wow, thanks for the love tonight. That means we have $50 more to go. I appreciate that. Ty is back in the house and she says, do you believe in saying that goes, there's someone out there for everyone? You know, I think the average, I think something statistically, roughly 90%, well, this was up until 2000, okay? I don't know if this is still the case, but up until 2000, 90% of people got married. So I believe we all can experience one great love in our lives. I do believe that and sometimes we're blessed enough to have two or three, depending on if we lose someone through death or something like that. So there is a saying, there is a pot, there's a top to every pot. There's a top to every pot. A friend of mine used to say, there's a car seat for every butt, B-U-T-T. So yeah, I do subscribe that I think we all, especially if we've done the work, have a chance to achieve. I really do believe, really experience a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship and I'm optimistic for you. Let my optimism bleed into your life or lead into your life. I hold that space for you. Angela is kind enough to say, Jonathan is such a great catch, he's a unicorn. Actually, I am surrounded by a circle of male friends who can, who spend circles around me in their emotional maturity. So thank you for that kind compliment. I appreciate that. Harine says the same thing, Jonathan, first time I catch you live. Oh, good, I'm glad to hear that you caught us live. Okay, let's keep going here. Joette says, as a 33 year old woman, I've noticed men usually find single mothers dangerous yet reject child-free women. How do I deal with such this bipolar dynamic? What? Well, so are you literally saying every single man you've met either believes that single mothers are dangerous or they will reject women who aren't her childless? Like I don't subscribe. I honestly, I don't subscribe. I think some men fit that category. But not all. That's how I feel about that. So let's not focus on these men. Let's focus on the right man appreciates exactly where I'm at in my life. The right woman appreciates exactly where I'm at in my life. Let's hold that vision. Let's hold that space. Harine says being needy is not sexy. Do you agree? Or someone here in the chat might want to answer. I'm needy, I'm going to own it. I want, listen, I want to own it. I want to be with a partner who acknowledges me, who validates me, who appreciates me, who finds me attractive. I want to be wanted. I don't think that's being needy wanting to be wanted. It's just that some people don't, you know, it becomes needy when you're with a partner who's not emotionally expressive. And so you're misaligned with the person. It's not needy when two people are validating each other, appreciating each other, desiring each other. That's not needy. But again, oftentimes that person that desires to feel wanted is with somebody who's incapable of offering it. And so there's a mismatch. And that the person that can't give it says, I can't give you what you need. Well, yes, it's time to move on, to be with someone who can give you your need. So it's not needy to have needs. It's only needy if the person gives those needs, but they can't be satiated with it. That's the unhealthy space, okay? Can you have Dr. Rami as a guest? I'm sure you're familiar with her work. Yeah, I mean, if she is willing, I mean, she's pretty big and popular. I don't think she's gonna, I don't think my channel's big enough for her. But I'll try. I just don't, here's the thing, folks. I am tired of the narcissistic rhetoric out there. I believe too many people labeled too many people a narcissist. I really do believe that. I do believe most human beings are rather self-centric. I believe most human beings are rather myopic. And so in that self-centric myopic state, most people are focusing on their own needs. And yet many of those get labeled toxic when we each have to take ownership in our own lives. I'm not here to suggest that there is a validity to what Dr. Rami says. I find her videos fascinating, but I'm just tired of the narcissistic rhetoric. I don't even want to entertain it in the sense that I think it fuels a lot of fire here. You know, the reason why I'm pointing out people to avoid because you can predict this before, see narcissism isn't something you can predict on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th date. Everything I just shared, you can predict it before 10 dates before you give your heart to someone. So that's why I don't want to dive into that conversation because I don't want to give it fuel, but I do respect her immensely. I do respect her immensely. Okay. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. And I believe she provides a great value. So, G says a lot of women like bad boys, a bad boy would not confess to be needy. Bad boys are usually players through and many cannot be trusted. That's a fair statement. I would agree. Jennifer says, Jennifer says, the only single mothers I feel sorry for are the ones that were victims of rape and incest and women that lost their husbands. Thank you for sharing your point of view. I have compassion for everybody. I just feel, I feel better having compassion for everybody's experience. Margaret says, I think Jonathan is good as a psychologist any day. Well, I'm going to be candid with you. I have a great deal of respect for the amount of work a psychologist has gone through. I'm an arm chair psychologist, but I cannot even remotely put myself in that category. So thank you. Angela wants to know, how do you feel about MGTOW, which stands for men going their own way, men going their way. Insidious, trendy, small or large percentage of men. I think there is a population of men who have been rather wounded by women. I think there's just as many women who have been wounded by men or perceived wounds, I should say, that they are, you know, there are women who are menbashers and there are men that are womenbashers. To me, the MGTOW community is feeding off the narrative of the red pill community and the mannisphere community, which inflames, you know, a small percentage of the population that is completely self-centric and delusional, okay? Well, that's not true. Most everybody's self-centric and delusional, but they focus on a small percentage of the population and makes it out to be the entire population. So I don't subscribe to their rhetoric that much. If you wanna do your own work, type in MGTOW. You can go to Reddit and start reading incessant volumes of just nonsense communication. And ladies, you guys are guilty of this. Oh my God, you get, you know, you get onto bandwagons of menbashing that is just, even on my channel, you guys will mail bash and you wonder why you're single. Look in the mirror. Gee says, you are 1,000% right about the Narciss thing. It's ridiculous that so many people think everyone is a narcissist if they do not get along with them. Yeah, I'm just tired of the conversation, but thank you for that. Lighthouse wants to go on to say self-centric is not being narcissistic, just having narc traits, narcissism, personality disorder. Look it, I mean, I've done, there's like nine factors of being a narcissist. I'm guilty of every single one of them in some way, shape, and form in some area of my life. Does that make me a narcissist? I don't know. I do know I have empathy. I have genuine care. I apologize when I genuinely feel like I've done something wrong, which happens frequently. So I'm more of an apologetic person. I recognize that sometimes I can be myopic. Sometimes I can be defensive. Oh my God, sometimes I've gaslit people. Oh my God, I've gaslit. You know who I gaslight the most? Myself. Oh my God, the way I sometimes can gaslight myself, it's kind of, it's rather humorous how we can take red flags and paint them green. You know, that's a gaslighting in oneself. You know, humans do, they're the most gaslighting to themselves. So I'm just, again, tired of the rhetoric. People throw that narcissist around way too much, I agree. Margaret says, Jonathan, I find that people are too self-interested these days and I'm leaving groups because of this. In short, will not question about others and not think of including people. You know, I'm blessed to be in a community of people. I have a group of friends, roughly about, I mean, there's well over 100 plus people in the group. In fact, we're going to the memorial of my friend, Patty Tierney, who I had on my channel several times. She's the woman who was a former sex worker who found self-love through her own empowerment. We're going to a celebration of life and I'm sure there's gonna be 150 people there. All of which are in my community and these are really good heart-centered people that look at we all and we get together on a regular basis and we own our shit to one another. When you can own your shit to people that you love, that's part of the path of healing. At least I do that anyway. And even Karina says, every partner needs to work on their self together is for sharing, exactly. Let's keep going here. Gigi said, in the 80s, everyone had borderline personality, especially after Madonna's song. In 2000, it was bipolar. Now everyone's a narc. Is that really true? Was it, I don't remember it like that, but borderline. Oh yeah, the song by Madonna. Yeah, it's funny how it was borderline, bipolar and now narc, what's the next one gonna be? We're gonna all be AI people in the future anyway. Diane's in the house. Question, is it too soon to buy a gift for a guy I've been dating eight weeks to say how much I appreciate him and I've been dating an old school gentleman? Hell no. If by the way, if the penis has gone inside the vagina, Diane, I mean, you absolutely, this is, you know, when you've been physically intimate you should, yeah, buying gifts is a great thing to show appreciation. It comes from the heart without expectation. Oh, Monica says Shawshank Redemption is one of her favorite movies. Mine too, it's in my top five. Probably number one. Jonathan, I sent Lewis Howe's a message asking him to interview you on midlife dating. I would love that. Thank you so much for reaching out to his staff. Maybe if all of you kept reaching out to Lewis Howe's maybe you'll have me on, I would love to talk to him about his relationship as well because I use him as a model for many of my videos. So thank you so much. Diane wants to remind us he won't let me pay for anything. That can actually be a control thing. So just remember, just because it might seem generous, if you offer and he can't accept your generosity that might mean he needs to be in control or he has difficulty receiving. So just remember, men that insist on paying for everything might have might have control issues or they might have difficulty receiving when you make efforts. I'm a big proponent of everybody taking turns and that way you're in a capacity of both being generous givers and receivers to one another. But that's my narrative, you don't have to follow that. All right, let's keep going. Artificial intimacy is next. No, we live in artificial intimacy. This device created artificial intimacy texting. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm thinking of you today. Are you thinking of me? Oh, let me send you a dick pic because I just wanna have phone sex with you and we're just gonna have this amazing relationship through our phone. All right. Karina says in the malt metaverse intimacy in person will be a thing of the past virtual reality glasses. Yeah, ready player one. Thank you, Diane says thank you. I appreciate your advice, I appreciate that as well. All right, let's keep going. By the way, if you have a question, by the way, can someone click this link, join the hot seat? I would love to have somebody on. I'd love to get into the nitty gritty of this conversation to talk to you live. There's a link right there. Join me on camera right now. Let's get someone to join us live, okay? Margaret says exactly we do live in artificial intimacy. It's not to suggest people can't have deep meaningful conversations over the phone. I have deep meaningful conversations with people but the reality is is most of you are having surface conversations and those surface conversations is why it's just so fucking draining. Yeah, I mean, it's possible people won't even connect in the future but I hold space that they will. All right, Jennifer's in the house. Do you put your camera on Jennifer? Please put your camera on because we, here we go. Jennifer. Howdy. Howdy, have you been on before? No, but I paid you like seven months ago. Oh, I worked with you? Yeah, for a one-off. Sorry, I was trying not doing this so everyone excused my face and my nervousness. Well, quickly, was I a good coach? Cause I'm gonna remove you right now if I wasn't. Yes, you absolutely were. Yeah, it provided the perspective and the clarity that I needed to kind of go forward with what I was in, which we're about to talk about. So wait, so what do you wanna talk about? Let's get into the nitty gritty. Yeah, so when we spoke, I had been seeing someone for just a couple months and now we're nine months in. We are doing fantastic. Everything is great, but one thing, he has never been in love. And I have. I am. And we're very, we talk about this openly. He's talked about his fears surrounding this, but I'm, and I have a therapist and my therapist is like, everything's good. You should keep going, et cetera, et cetera. But I guess there's still just a little, like 5% nervousness that I have. About it. Cause I feel like at nine months, you should kind of know, but maybe you don't know. And if you've never known, then yeah. No, this is an interest. This is a great question. So I appreciate, let's unpack this and pick it apart. I believe there's a significant percentage of the population that doesn't know what it means. What it means to love or what it means to be in love. And I do believe there's a difference between being in love versus loving someone. And what I mean to say is we love our children, we love our parents, we love our pets, but being in love has a deeper connotation to it, in my opinion. It means I'm all in. It means I'm here for you when you need me. It means you matter to me. It means our relationship is important to me. It means I've got your back. It means I'm not going anywhere. And it means I only want you in the bedroom. So that's what it means to me, that's my narrative. Now, he might actually feel all those feelings for you. So my suspicion is that he most likely has a difficult time receiving love. So let's start with how he actually, are you in love with him? Yes, and I guess the reason why I was like for the moment, yeah, let's talk about this, is because your perspective on love is very similar to my own. And I've experienced the whirlwind romance kind of BS. And I know that this is different because it's more, it's truly rooted in security and safety and just knowing each other, if that makes sense. Yeah. So, why are you in love with him? Let me count the ways, no. By the way, can I just repeat for a second? Yeah. And I want you to still process what I just said, but it fascinates me that oftentimes we have this feeling about it, but we haven't written it down on a piece of paper. Like I'm inviting you to after this, after you're reciting it to me to write it down on a piece of paper, like the reasons why you genuinely have strong care for him. So share with me why you're in love with him. So it's who he is at his core, like who he is as a person, the kinds of things that he values were very similar on. There is of course, how he treats me and makes me feel that that is a part of it. But it's mostly just, we just connect so well. We just, we talk about anything and everything. He's totally accepting, he's totally supportive. I just, I truly feel like my life is better having known him wherever this may end up. And not because like I rely on him or anything, but just because I truly feel like there's a partnership. Okay. I appreciate him and respect him as a person and as a man as well. Okay, okay. So you've asked, so let's talk about your conversations about love together. Like, as he said, I'm not in love with you. I mean, what has he actually said? He said that he doesn't know what love is, like how falling in love is supposed to feel, but he thinks it's supposed to be the whirlwind of session, all these lovely things. He has a very large group of friends, all of which who are married, many who are Mormon, and they've all like fell in love. And they're like, no, no, no, no, that wasn't love. So he talks to his friends about this quite regularly as well. And he said that so many of the things that he said when he's talked about like how he feels about me to me is love. And so I think that's really the thing that throws me off is like, you know, last he's been dealing with some health issues and he can hardly walk. So he was supposed to come over yesterday and he ended up canceling on me and understandably. And he's like, but then when we were talking later, he's like, you know, I just should have come up. I really miss you. You make me feel so much better. And he was, you know, he's like, it's like you cast a spell on me and I was like funny, ha ha. But I was like to me, that's what he's saying, but he's not saying it. So. Well, so I have a theory that some, so, okay, let's go down this rabbit hole for a second. So a lot of people expect to have butterflies in the stomach, right? Like that's an indication of love or that we are looking for a person and that's love or we put them up on a pedestal and that's love. Well, lust is purely biology, okay, lust is purely biology. Limerence is putting someone up on a pedestal, you know, making them out better than yourself. And butterflies in the stomach is oftentimes an anxious experience because there is an energetic mismatch between people. And this all of this actually can stem from our childhood wounds and our traumas and how we perceive love. So, okay, let's just put that in a box for a second. I think he's, well, has he ever been excited about a woman in the past? Has he ever had like, has he said he's ever been in love before? You said, I don't think you said he's ever been in love before, right? No, he said the closest would have been his high school girlfriend. Okay, and we're, you know, we're in a state of so many hormones in high school that I don't think we can quantify it to the same degree as we can at all. I think many humans haven't experienced genuine love, just genuine heart-centered love. And when they have, they're confused because it doesn't fit into the narrative of like Disney and movies and perceptions that we have, as well as our, you know, love attachment style and our, you know, what's known as a mago, which is healing from our parental wound out there. So I think there's a significant percentage of humans who just don't really know what love is. So let's start with how he gives love. I mean, you said he gives love in abundance. So I'm gonna throw out a conversation for you that you might want to have with him. And I was just having this conversation with a dear friend of mine. He's a big brain like Sam Harris or Jordan Peterson. I have a friend who's on that level of intellect and we're having an intellectual conversation about an emotional experience. And he reminded me that to, and we both agree that the essence of love is gratitude. Like when you can be in an absolute space of appreciation for another human being, when you can be in an absolute space of gratitude, when you can be grateful this person is in your life and if they were gone, you would be miserable. That to me is love. Like that to me is the epitome of love. So you may want to introduce into your conversations a regular practice of expressing appreciation for one another. He actually does that. Okay. He actually does that. Sorry, not to throw your game off, but yeah. Yeah, this is why I'm speaking to everybody. So he demonstrates appreciation continues. He does. Both of us do, partly because you talk about it so much, but he does it in general. It is also part of the Mormon culture. So that it also comes from that as well. But he is always very appreciative in, I mean, almost every time he comes over, he thanks me for making dinner and for whatever it is that we did together or what have you. So, and then of course just thanks me for his, like with his health issues right now, support things of that nature. So. So, you know, I'm having this funny reaction that I want to offer to you. And it reminds me of the movie Moonstruck which share and Nicholas Cage. And she just slaps him across the face and says, snap out of it. Like you're fucking in love with me. Just stop it and own it kind of thing. Like, and take your top off when you say it. So he's looking at your boobs and laughing at each other but just say, would you just fucking own that you're in love with me and just let go of this narrative? I say this a little tongue in cheek, but I mean to say that you can have conversations about what love means to you. And you can share my meaning which you said mirrors your own meaning. You can share this with them and say, this is what love means to me. This is what being in love means to me. But more importantly, this is how it feels for me. This is how it feels for me. I'm here meaning I'm present to this experience. You matter. This means I'm putting you at the same pedestal that I, you know, like the same park bench, you know, you matter. You're on the same park bench with me. We are important. That means I treat this relationship with a fair amount of respect and protectiveness of this relationship when I say we are important. I've got your back. Look, I'm going through some medical issues. I'll be there for you. You'll be there for me. We've got each other's back. I'm not going anywhere. Look, I'm committed. You can't get rid of me unless you really fuck up. Okay? I'm into this, you know? Like you'd have to be a real fucking jackass or a bitch for me to leave. And I only want you meaning I love fucking you. Sorry, no one appreciates when I say the F word, but I'm like, look, I like making love to you. You're the one I like. I get my orgasms from you, you know? To me, when you're both experiencing that, when you're both in a place of being givers and generous with one another is incapable of receiving, my suspicion is he just needs a smack upside the head and like, ah, you're in love with me. Just stop, just own it. I mean, you could try it anyway. I have thought about it. I almost said that last night to respond to his thing about, you know, you cast a spell on me, but I was like, that just seems like you really like me. Yeah, you know what I mean. But I thought about it, it crossed my mind. Now, it's important not to, you know, if there was some real, you know, you haven't given me one clue that suggests that he's a danger. The topic of this video is about dangerous men, you know? He doesn't sound like a dangerous man. So- No, sorry, I just said after year, after year. Okay, that's okay. It opens up. By the way, Sue says, I love it when you say the F-bombs. I appreciate that. So anyway, I think you're doing great. I'm happy for you. I'm so happy. And I apologize. I now have my memory banks as I remember our conversation now. By the way, really quickly folks who are watching this video, I offer a one-time coaching session when you're in relationship with a man to kind of bounce off, you know, your experience with me. You're hiring me for my perspective. And in this case, Jennifer, I gave you my perspective and it looks like, you know, the advice I passed on to you has led you from months ago being a fledgling relationship to now a full grown relationship. So it sounds like you were happy with my advice. It definitely helped me let go of some of the fears that I had that would have definitely sabotaged a good thing. Well, for everyone watching, there's a link right here that says, jonathanasley.com forward slash slow seem coaching. There's a link below. You can get this one-time coaching session and believe me, peace of mind is something you can't buy. Jennifer, can I reach into the camera and give you a big, gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Do I get one back? Yeah. Okay, thank you so much. Thanks for being on, we appreciate you. Oh, I love that conversation. So folks, you know, for a lot of men, they haven't really experienced deep love with another, with a woman or with anybody and for that matter. I mean, I'm speaking to a heterosexual population, but a lot of women haven't experienced deep love and they don't know what it is. What Jennifer shared with us is not an uncommon thing. You know, to me, honest, open communication is how we connect with each other at a deeper level, but most importantly, I believe gratitude is a powerful force of love when you can actually be in a state of appreciation for another human being being in your life and you can't vision not having them in your life on a regular basis. That to me is the epitome of being in love. And my hope is her relationship continues to flourish. And again, if you want some support with that, you want to find, you know, you want to bounce that off of me, schedule a discovery call with me. There's a link below as well. Okay, so thank you, Jennifer again, big gigantic hugs of appreciation. All right, I noticed we had some more questions come in. Karina says, Jennifer, you rock, I agree. Jennifer was very nice, I'm happy for her. See, like, folks, I'm telling you, relate there. Listen, when you hold a space of empowerment for yourself, just like Jennifer, there are men out there, they exist. And did you hear what a great guy he sounds like? He sounds like a really good man. So I just want you to know those men exist out there. All right. I noticed some, oh, June is in the house. How much of your community has paid events? So few third space now that most in person connections is happening with upper class through primary paid events. I mean, most of my work is done virtually. So, I mean, I've only done a few paid events. And by the way, $35 isn't that much for a paid event to meet me. And that's what I charge. I hope, I mean, if someone thinks that's outrageous amount of money, I'm kind of saddened to hear that. But, and I made no money in the event. Hey, Annika just gave us a $10 super stiffer. That means we're $30 away from our goal of $100 tonight. Thank you so much. Oh, Lighthouse Jennifer, she wants you and your man to show up on camera. That would be wonderful if we had you and your man on camera. Margaret says, the two men I appreciate most. I try to always have gratitude for them being in my life and always show gratitude because I've come from having a serious psychotic illness to a mature person. Way to go. I'm happy to hear that gratitude. It's an attitude of gratitude. Mm. All right. Let's see. Oh, that's okay. What else do we have? You know what, folks? I think this would be a great place to wrap up. Did you have value in this conversation? I hope you did. I want to impart on every one of you that space of hope that Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption. Yes, we have had to treach in prison. We've had to treach in prisons to some degree. I'm here to escape you from that narrative. Invite you to have optimism and hope going forward. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know really quickly. This is our last question of the evening. What is your opinion on age difference? It depends. I do believe that women who are with younger men that can be problematic, men who are with younger women can be problematic. I mean, I guess the question is how much of an age difference? Is five years too much of an age difference? Is seven years too much? Is 10 years too much? I don't know what it is, but I would say that you have to answer that question for yourself, Karine. You have to answer that question for yourself. All right, is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on all of this. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And always, if you want to connect with me directly, just like Jennifer did, schedule a discovery call with me. There's links below. I can make a difference in your life. I promise you. Follow me on Instagram. Get the books I recommend. Did I even recommend a book tonight? My book, What the Echo Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Up and Spiritual War. And also join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. All right, all right, everyone. I want to just give, I want to wrap up today's videos. I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic jothamirrig of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Leaves is in the house. Thank you, Jonathan. I want to thank Sabrina for that $5 super sticker she just gave us. Oh my God, we're only $25 away. There's still time to donate. Lighthouse is in the house. Ty is in the house. Debbie's in the house. Saying good night to everyone. Kareen is saying good night to everyone. Margaret, Wanda, Gigi, Annika, Jennifer, Jennifer, McCoy, Oak Hill, Tracy, Kay, Marilyn, let's keep going. Let's see who else is there. All right, folks. I think we kind of come to, oh, Lena, sweetheart, big hugs for you for showing up at the last minute. I appreciate you. By the way, I do notice your names, folks. I do actually pay attention. So I really do appreciate, oh, our Facebook member. There's a link below to join my Facebook group called Midlife Love Mastery. So happy you were able to jump on tonight. All right. Hey, am I making a difference in your life? Just say, Jonathan, you're making a difference. I'd love to hear and know that I'm making a difference in your life. That brings me so much. I feel very loved and appreciated when I know I'm making a difference in your life. All right, folks, we're gonna wrap up. Have a super-duper, wonderful, fantastic evening. You be well. Take care. Bye now. Bye now. Bye.