 This is why look and here's the thing you might say well why do I even want to bother why do I even want to make effort well here's the way I look at it you know and and it's it's a one-sided communication look sometimes you might want to jump in and do phone sex with a guy I'm not here to judge that that's you know that can certainly be kind of a can be an intimate thing I'm not talking about that I'm talking about all right let's talk about those six signs he only wants to sleep with you now what's interesting I saw a comment in the beginning of this thinking all along the lines that he only wants to sleep with you as opposed to sleep with anyone else versus he only wants sex with you and we're going to be talking about that version versus the other version so I'm glad that was brought to my attention because I do recognize that this title can be a little bit confusing so let's just face it human beings are an absolute mess when it comes to dating mating and relating these days let me repeat that human beings are a complete mess it is a shit show out there when it comes to dating mating relating for a variety of different reasons that would go as long the the notes would go from here to the moon if we had to calculate them all together and I think one of the primary reasons centers around sex and I think this has to do with the barrier of entry to sex the barrier of entry to sex and what I mean to say is um well let's think back hundreds of years ago for the most part if two people liked each other and they wanted to sleep together they had to get married they basically that was the prerequisite to having sex and quite frankly courtships back then only lasted a nanosecond what I mean to say people got married sometimes literally within days of meeting each other weeks within meeting each other it was very rare that it went much longer than a few months of knowing one another before they had sex or uh they before they had sex because they had to get married ahead of time that was the predominant prerequisite now this wasn't always this isn't an absolute but this happened to be the predominant narrative and certainly things changed around the 1960s with the advent of birth control and certainly is the women's movement more to the sense of their freedom of equality certainly in the workplace and what not and at the same time women became more empowered and certainly there could be the narrative that you know while men tend to have sex just purely for the pleasure of it and women wanted it more from an emotional perspective that certainly has changed in the last few years that women and by the way I'm not here to judge whether or not you have sex with someone is a good or bad thing I'm just going to say that when we have physical contact with someone at a sexual nature it can create a lot of problems later on down the road which I'll address in a moment but when I come back to the narrative prior to the 60s was if you wanted to get laid you had to get married well now and then I was thinking about the time when I was in my 20s around the 80s if anyone knows the 1980s that period of time that's when I was single or first single in my life as an adult and what interesting is back then it was coming off the tail there was this tail end of you know women giving having sex too soon they were considered easy they were considered easy so back then I remember dating was uh at least when you really like someone you actually took as a man we actually took time to get to know someone versus jumping into the bed with them if we wanted to jump into bed with someone back in the 70s 80s or 90s it was real simple you would go out to a night club and and thank well I said thankfully this doesn't sound right but certainly if there was alcohol involved a woman's judgment was oftentimes impaired and I'm sorry that I'm laughing at this I'm laughing back at my own behavior back then and it was quite the barrier of entry was easy one or two shots of alcohol was about the easiest barrier to entry and this is where a lot of one night stands happened now what's interesting with the advent of the internet and certainly in now we're talking about the late 90s the 2000s and certainly to today the new barrier of entry happens to be just at a swipe not that barrier entry of sex but just the barrier of entry to get to meet someone is just a swipe away and what's fascinating when I went through my divorce in the early 2000s I'll be candid with you ladies it was rather simple I really didn't take much effort on my part to get laid on the first second or third date not that I was in a state of of being disingenuine or whatnot I certainly right after my divorce I know in my particular case I was an emotional train wreck I was an emotional train wreck and I was thirsty for attention both on an emotional level but mostly at a physical level and I was quite shocked at how easy it was to have sex compared to the 80s prior to when I got married because women seem to have more boundaries up and these boundaries have seemed to drop okay now I'm not here to say this is right or wrong I'm just observing what's happening today so I believe now coming back to what I shared before you know sex is a very intimate expo can be a very intimate experience and if you think about the three reasons to have sex one would be for making babies although most of us at midlife aren't in that phase in our life and certainly with birth control and contraception and whatnot and condoms and whatnot that's probably less likely so the need for making babies doesn't exist as much so the other two reasons are pleasure and intimacy pleasure and intimacy now intimacy is into me you see in other words really getting emotionally close with someone and yet sadly most people are just operating from the pleasure base and not really creating the necessary intimacy prior to having sex prior to having sex creating that emotional bond with one another and this is one of the reasons why men might only be in it for sex because they're in it for the pleasure so in a few minutes I'm going to share these six signs these six signs of how to determine which are the guys only in it for sex or which are the guys who are actually going to go deeper and we're going to talk about also how to create that in your relationship so you have a better chance if this is what you want by the way ladies or gentlemen who are watching this if you're only in it for sex that's okay you're entitled to do what you want I'm here to encourage a different or I'm here to encourage more awareness because quite frankly the minute we're physically at least predominantly more so women than men women tend to not always bond through sex because one of the things that release in their body is oxytocin and oxytocin is a bonding agent that bonds you to another human being whereas men don't seem to release that in the same degree as women do so on some level it behooves people or at least behooves women in particular to be more selective on who they have sex with because you can bond with them and it and quite frankly dating already inherently has a huge issue built into it which in that piggybacks on this piece of when you bond with someone because most human beings on some level are suffering on the inside feeling not good enough not lovable not likable I'm going to repeat that not good enough not lovable not likable and dating can trigger that like nobody's business especially if we've experienced some level of rejection whether it's you know someone not returning a phone call let me reframe that you just started communicating with someone and they just disappear you start dating with someone and then they go distant from you and they start to pull away or worse you've invested six weeks 12 weeks with someone only to have them disappear this is partially because if we're hurting on the inside dating will trigger this even more so and it will amplify this this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work so that if you do find yourself in a position where you might be triggered you're less likely to get triggered because self-love is a vaccination to emotional chaos let me repeat that self-love is a vaccination to emotional chaos whether it's it's not the Moderna it's not the Pfizer it's not the Johnson and Johnson it's certainly not the AstraZeneca it is doing it for yourself it's like giving yourself a shot of love because that will prepare you for god forbid if you find yourself in a situation with someone is only in it for the sex so again my book what the heck is self-love anyway there's a link below to get the book so let's jump into those so now coming back to there are men who are serious about a relationship and men that are not sadly the vast majority of human beings are very unconscious to the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and they typically operate from the place of chemistry equals relationship success if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg I highly recommend you check this out as you can see above the waterline says attraction and it says chemistry that's the sex piece below the waterline is compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles and more importantly emotional maturity some of you ask what's an example of shared values well let me give you an example I think it's here in the United States predominantly I'm going to speak to is hey look if you love Donald Trump and would die on the sword for Donald Trump and the other person loves Bernie Sanders and AOC and would die on the sword for them chances are they don't share the same values okay let's say somebody goes to church five days a week and carries their Bible with them and somebody's an atheist chances are they don't share the same values so that's an example of share just just gives you a short example of shared values right now vaccines no vaccines that's an example of someone's values blendable lifestyles is can your lives fit in with one another can your lives fit in with one another ladies many of you are suckling on the nipple of the fantasy that if we love each other magic fairy dust will make our incompatibility work it's amazing how magic fairy dust can make incompatibility work especially with lifestyle differences and I'm talking about major differences but Jonathan if we love each other we can make it work men don't operate that way ladies you're the ones who tend to operate that way more so than that and emotional maturity let's face it the most human beings have terrible relationship skills and emotional maturity in fact if you haven't seen this chart before and this is not a fact this is an opinion I believe roughly 20 of the population has clinical issues and while I stayed here 20 of the population might be emotionally healthy I'm being rather generous most humans are dysfunctional this is why look and and here's the thing you might say well why do I even want to bother why do I even want to make effort well here's the way I look at it working with a coach like myself our job is to put the odds in your favor so you can avoid going out with the wrong people and start choosing the right people in fact check out the link below to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise is teaching you how to pre-qualify your prospect I think of it from a sales perspective I know that's not very romantic but let's face it chemistry and romance doesn't lead to relationship success you know what leads to relationship success true compatibility true emotional maturity that's what's going to lead to relationship six long-term relationship success and trust by the way my coffee mug says oh wait what does it say don't make me go all psycho roommate on you don't make me go all psycho roommate on you I broke my swear a little you'll feel better mug so don't let me go all psycho roommate on you on these things all right let me put on my trusty glasses and I'm going to share those six things with you right now all right those six signs he only wants to sleep with you number one you only see him see each other on his terms you only see each other on his terms I was recently speaking to a woman at the jacuzzi at the complex I was I live at and she was just sharing with me how she had a short lived relationship with someone and we think it was something like eight or nine dates all of it was on his terms it was at his beck and call now part of the problem with her is and this is something I encourage is ladies if you've gone on one or two dates with a guy you call him up and plan the third date with him if he avoids you that's not a good sign because someone who genuinely wants to get to know you is going to appreciate that you made effort he's going to want to spend time with you but men who basically reach out on their the relationship is all on their terms there's a good chance he's only in it for the sex and certainly the communication in between the time you see each other is very very limited so that's one good sign or not a good sign but a sign number two he tends to call you only at night and he doesn't want to spend the daytime with you he tends to call you at night and he only wants to spend daytime with you well that's not an absolute because people do work during the day and maybe they only have nighttime look at one of my favorite times to get on a phone with a woman from a dating app perspective is the first thing in the morning I love that time of day so certainly making time during the day and making time during the day to see someone when someone only makes nighttime available to you then oftentimes that's only in it for the sex versus someone who wants to actually incorporate you into their lives number three they make no effort or interest in having you meet his family or friends or vice versa he makes no effort or interest introducing you to his family or friends and certainly he makes no effort in to want to meeting your family and friends that's a good sign that he's only interested in the short run and not the long run number three before excuse me his compliments about you are only based on your appearance his compliments about you are only basing you look so hot you look so sexy wow I just want to fuck you well that's going to be the next one but basically he doesn't really engage in the balance of your life most of his communication happens to be about your physical press or physicality and not your emotion outlet no you're not your intellect or you're not your heart not your mind not your spirit it's just your body okay number five most of his communication is rather sexual rather sexual I've had this what I'm about to share is how I've seen this with so many women I've coached over the years they've sent me text messages with men they just began communication with and it absolutely only sexual it doesn't go into anything deeper other than just and literally graphically sexual when men are are hyper focused on graphically sexual you know and and it's it's a one sided communication look sometimes you might want to jump in and do phone sex with a guy I'm not here to judge that that's you know that can certainly be kind of a can be an intimate thing I'm not talking about that I'm talking about his communication is tends to be about your parents or about sexuality and number six he never really replies to your text messages or worse he never really wants to get to know your life about things about your life and well we might you know the first second or third date a man might seem interested you might have one of these first dates that's so amazing it's after the second or third date he's not really asking you about your life he's just talking sex he's making sexual in those he's talking about your appearance he's busy and he only makes time for you at his back and call those are usually the these are the red flags that you should be paying attention to now what's the answer to all of this ladies I started this conversation about the barrier to entry the barrier entry is very low I'm here to offer a much higher barrier of enter entry to your body and that is making him go jump through fucking hoops making him jump through fucking hoops if you're not familiar with my rhetoric I always say this on every video almost before the penis goes inside the vagina buy two copies of the book eight dates and read it together because the guy who's only in it for the sex he's going to run away he's going to run away he's going to run he's going to run away he's going to run I can't try fully I'll go back this way he's going to run away the guy who's genuinely interested in you who's genuinely interested in a relationship he's now by the way this book is about understanding the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship this book is about understanding the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and ladies I know you love the idea of just sitting in your feminine energy and a guy's going to claim you the reason why I bag on that rhetoric over and over again because it's making a grand assumption it's making the assumption that men know what the fuck they're doing when it comes to commitment and relationships and I'm here to say they have no fucking clue most men are winging it winging it winging it and look I wish I'm your big brother I wish I could be there on your first date with a guy with the shotgun pointed at his face going what are your intentions with my little sister okay I wish I could do that you have to do that for yourself you have to basically assume on some level most men have no clue what they're doing and they basically want sex so there's an old saying men are the gas women are the brakes what that means to say is you lead by example if you want to create real emotion by the way the guys who are in it for the long term are the ones who want to have an emotional connection with you the challenge with most men is they don't know how to make this happen this is why I continually recommend reading the book by Barbara DeAngelis how to make love all the time how to make love all the time now why I'm recommending this book along with the understanding is most of the time we're meeting total strangers so ladies it's it's rather incumbent upon you if you want to make an emotional connection they don't we men don't know how to do that we need your assistance this is why I'm recommending these books but Jonathan men are supposed to be the leaders of the relationship listen we've got to throw out the stupid old traditional paradigm the expectation-based paradigm I'm here to suggest if you really want to change the narrative going forward the whole bullshit masculine feminine energy and men are you know like the game playing the book the rules then read the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because the understanding that real heart centered connection starts by showing up with heart centered connection I know a lot of you women think you show up this way but many of you are waiting for the men to show this and I'm here to say you're the emotional leaders of the relationship and you are in charge of your relationship destiny not God how is this going to happen with radical honesty right from the get go it requires interrogating people right from the get go make them jump through hoops and if by the way when I say interrogation I mean it tongue-in-cheek it's a conversation not a confrontation in fact one of the things I teach in my private coaching is how to ask those better questions check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you so how are we going to shift the narrative the guys only wanting sex well one I recommend don't jump into bed really quickly vet your prospect because I shared this in a live stream the other day how many of you had sex with men and you don't even know their favorite color and they don't know your favorite color they don't know much about you these days the barrier of entry is rather low so it's incumbent upon you if you want something more substantial then set the bar higher make them jump make them jump through fucking hoops okay that's what I'm just here to suggest all right I think I got my I got my winded out of this so I think it's time to jump in for our q&a by the way all right I think this would be a good place to wrap up for tonight I hope you found value in the six signs he only wants to sleep with you run from these guys I hope you found value in the analogy of the quilt I just shared and I hope you find value in all that I share again I'm a contrarian my perspective is a little bit different than most and I just offer all I'm offering you is an opportunity for you to look at it from yourself I'm not here to say I'm right I'm not here to say this is the truth you have to decide the truth for yourself so I hope you did find value in this tonight I think this would be a great place to wrap up today and I'm going to wrap this up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan oh really quickly by the way before I give myself a hug go into the description check out a free discovery call with me check out my private group called midlife love mastery find me on instagram if you want to purchase the books I recommend they're all listed there below all right now I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic John the merit of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank sherry and vivian and holly and mystique and jennifer