 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success Lucky strike means fine tobacco so wrong so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LS MFT LS MFT LS MFT sure thing. That's right. Lucky strike means fine tobacco From the Civic Opera House in Chicago, Illinois the lucky strike program starring Jack Benny Mary Livingston Phil Harris Dennis Day Rochester and your trolling Don Wilson Ladies and gentlemen from Chicago, which is just a stone's throw from walkie-gan We bring you something that was thrown back and here he is Jack Benny Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking and Don I'm very proud of this turnout here in Chicago by this auditorium is packed. Do you know that there are? 3,724 people sitting in the audience 3,724 people how do you know I counted them as they came through the door? I forgot the tickets were free But that's all right. I'll get them at the soda pot leave it to me Well, Jack since we're broadcasting so close to walkie-gan I presume your father is in the audience. Yes. Yes. He is down He just got back from a trip to Florida Havana and Bermuda Oh, I thought your father spent most of his time at home and he used to don but since he Since he won the I can't stand Jack Benny contest. He's He's been all over him now wait a minute Jack I thought according to the rules your relatives weren't allowed to enter the I can't stand jack Benny competition down when he heard about the contest He disowned me So it was perfectly legal Jack, I'll bet you didn't get many contest letters from the people in Chicago. They seem to like you here They certainly do don't you see that reception I got at the station why they tore the shirt right off of me Of course, I don't blame them after all it isn't very often They get to see two movie stars at the same time true movie star I have a picture of Charles Boye tattooed on my chest You have oh, I don't believe it open your shirt. All right There well sure enough Charles Boye Jack. What's the idea? It's a little trick I use for close-ups. You see when I raise my arm he smiles You'll be surprised how this tattoo of boy a on my chest is helping. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hello everybody He married you're certainly looking cute today. I haven't seen you since we got off the train. How about a great big kiss? Okay, open your shirt He's for close-up for heaven's sake Mary you mean Jack showed you that picture boy a on his chest Oh, he shows it to everybody Jack got the only shirt that works like a Venetian blind Venetian blind Venetian Mary you're just jealous because of the big reception. I got when I arrived in Chicago big reception Yes, when the train pulled in there there were thousands of people at the station Mayor Kelly was there There were flags flying but a big brass band too. Yes, sir. And it was all for me It was not they were welcoming a call to Cole. Oh Oh Was that what it was? You should have known when the band played keep the home fires burning. Yeah, I never thought of that Anyway, Mary here. We are in Chicago. You know, this is known as the windy city. I know Jack Yes, see I saw you chasing your hair down the street Wasn't my hair I was chasing it happened to be a cat a cat Yes, a cat then why were you trying to cook the back with a saucer of fit shampoo? Now if you can't be nice to me think of boy a Besides there are a lot of my friends here from walkie-gain. Oh, that's right. Jack your hometown is close to Chicago, isn't it close? Well, I could take a silver dollar out of my pocket and throw it as far as walkie-gain. Let me see you do it. I will Throw a dollar You tricked me into that one the string broke by the time I found it inflation set in was only worth 63 cents So don't try it over here up Chicago your dim out is bad, but here comes Harris that bright little Phil what I want to come in with a network like that for this dim out in Chicago is a serious thing You're not kidding Jackson. It is last night Frankie my guitar player wrote out a check and it was so dark He signed somebody else's name What now they got him charged with arson I said you mean forgery. Oh, I said that check was so hot it burned down the bank First you may not have bushy eyebrows, but you sure keep the country in an uproar You know Phil a prank. He did a thing like that. He must have been drinking. Oh, no Libby no, not my little Frankie. He's on the wagon. Why he hasn't had a drink that kid hasn't had a drink that's That's when wait a minute. I'm looking at my watch Phil forget about Frankie after all we came to Chicago to do a show. So let's do it. Yeah, good old Chicago This is a great town Jackson, but it's a little windy isn't it? Well, of course it. That's why they call it the windy city Yeah, yeah Say Jackson now. What was that? I saw you chasing yesterday. Oh, oh that was a cat Then how come when you caught it you shook it out and put it on your head. I Didn't put around my head it jumped up there. Then why did it have bangs? Because it jumped on backwards What happened to anybody and Mary if I were you I wouldn't be so smart just because we're away from home You know Marshall Field is not unlike the May Company You know that ain't it won't be much fun working in the dark either say Jackson I meant to ask you how come they got this them out here in Chicago Phil don't you know what's going on Don't you read the papers. It's the kind of the cold shortage. Yeah, isn't it awful? Huh? Oh, hello Dennis Anyway, Phil Phil as I was saying it's very easy to understand you have to have coal to make electricity Last night it was so dark. I couldn't find my way back to the hotel. You couldn't they you see Phil cold is the fuel They burn in boilers three times. I fell over a fire plug As to that now they burn the coal to heat the water in the steam and then finally an old lady had to help me across the street Really then they use the scene to be a girl scout Good good then they use the steam to spin the turbines would generate the electricity Well, then how come we don't have a damn out in Los Angeles? Well out there. We don't use coal You see we get our electricity from Boulder Dam. Oh Dennis Boulder Dam is the place he said it again Look get it. I'm trying to explain something to Phil will you just be quiet and tell us time for your song Okay, but I don't know if I'll be able to sing good. I'm tired Tired. Yeah, I got an awful time on the train. It's tough trying to sleep between Mr. Harrison his guitar player I mean the two-quartered. No, they kept setting the bottle on my stomach And they were using my ear for an ashtray. Oh Well, don't worry Dennis you can get plenty of sleep while we're here in Chicago now, let's have your song Come in Yes, well here. We are mr. Benny, huh? Well, don't you remember you invited us over where the quiz kids? Oh, yes. Yes the quiz kids Look at that a little on there Take off your hats kids take off your hats come right in or sit down watch the show watch the show I thought you invited us over for a quiz contest a contest you mean you kids want to compete with us Don't be ridiculous that that would be like taking candy from a baby. Oh come now mr. Benny. You're not a baby That's not what I mean when I gave you those four tickets I merely want you to come over enjoy the show buy a few bottles of soda pop and relax That's all jack. They're only kids if they want a contest. Let's give it to them But Mary you can ask them easy questions. Well, oh sure. We'll play with them have a lot of fun Well, all right kids if that's what you want, we'll do it right after Dennis Day song. Oh, thank you mr. Benny You're welcome now Dennis we're ready for your song. Oh, what are you gonna sing tonight? Well, since this is Mother's Day I'm gonna sing little mother of mine. That's mighty night Dennis and incidentally you didn't forget to send your mother something Did you? Oh, no, I sent her a big picture of me taken from the back from the back Why in the word you send her a picture like that. Well, I wanted her to see how my new suit fit She worries about things like that. I know I know So let's have your song while he's singing. I better think up some easy questions for the quiz kids Ladies and gentlemen for our feature traction We're going to have a contest between the lucky strike kid and the quiz kids these children I hear tonight to match with with Mary Livingston Don Wilson Dennis a and Phil Harris who are all wearing to go We'll learn them a fellas That gives him idea folks Now I I of course will be the quiz master. You'll be the quiz master Certainly when I went to school. I was smart as a whip go on you even needed a blueprint to open your lunchbox No, stop. Will you knock on it? Let's get started with our questions Hold on a minute Hello I'm glad you call Rochester is the manager of the hotel find a room for me. That's why I called You got the bridal suite the bridal suite good good. Did you move all my stuff in? No, I'm waiting for you to get here Why I want to carry over the threshold Oh stop being silly and get my clothes unpacked I can't do that boss until I shovel the rice out of the room Shovel the rice out who had that bridal suite before me Tommy Manville How do you know there's a lawyer in the military still sitting here? Well hurry up and get that room cleaned up. Okay, but it'll take hours and hours. Oh Rochester there couldn't be that much rice there When I sit down in the middle of the room, I look like a raisin Never mind unpack my clothes and lay out a clean shirt. I'm going to the shape read tonight Okay, I'll give you the one with the cellophane pencil child boy egg and see the floor show Good good. Goodbye Rochester. Goodbye. Oh, say Rochester's you do what I told you about the candles You know, there's a demo out here. Yes, sir. I went to the store and bought 85 of them 85 candles. How'd you get that many when I told the man they were for you? He just hand them over and said tell me to Benny. Happy birthday That was very nice. Goodbye Rochester And now ladies and gentlemen we're all set for the battle of wits the quiz kids versus the Benny kids and May the best team win Yes, yes better I used to know that when I went to school to them. All right, let's go And now I'll call the roll first the quiz kids. I'm Harvey I'm Harvey Bennett Fishman. I'm 15 years old and I'm a junior at the South Shore High School now Joel I'm Joe cup remit. I'm nine years old and I am in five in the photo public school Oh, yes, you're the little fellow who's so clever Mathematic tell me Joel if an egg cost five cents how much would a three egg omelet cost? 15 cents. That's right. He's ever been to the shape re You mean they they charge more there a boy is going to bed early tonight He is not we can always go out for a walk now Ruthie. I'm Ruthie. That's good I'm 11 years old and I'm in the eighth grade at the University of Chicago laboratory school. You didn't see now Richard Richard I am Richard like I'm six years old And I am one a at the Shakespeare public school six years. Oh God, it seems it seems like I Wish you could see him folks the listeners gosh. It seems like only yesterday that I was sick Yes, they're betting that must have been about 30 years ago The 31 Richard 31 have a bottle of pop on me And now for the Benny kid Philip, I'm Philip Aaron. I live in Encino, California in three nights a week I attend the Hollywood recreation pool room And he can what do you specialize in Philip the four ball in the side pop Very good very good and now Mary I am Mary living and I live in Beverly Hills And I graduated from the May Company. Oh, that's a lovely thing. Now. What did you learn there if you warn the stockings madam? You cannot exchange them Very good. Isn't she bright now Donald? I am Donald Wilson. I'm six years old and I weighed 243 pounds He's a curious one of all what is your ambition Donald? I haven't any that's why I'm so fast I thought so sit down, but easy now Dennis. I am Dennis Dennis Dennis day Dennis day. How are you Dennis? I'll be one in December Wait a minute, you'll be one. Yes, my mother's raffling me off When you're a turkey if I ever saw one and now folks that you've met all the kitties And you will proceed with the battle of width and for each question used I will score one point for the side that answers correctly and Furthermore, I am personally awarding a prize of ten dollars to the winning team. Well, that's fair enough. You'll find out Now our first question this evening comes from Mrs. Leonard Penchill of Chicago listen carefully Harvey a Choleoptera a must a domestica and a lepidoptera We're having a bit of a tete-tate on a screen door Now if you suddenly appeared with a fly swatter one of the party would leave quite hastily Which one would it be the coleoptera the musk a domestica or the lepidoptera? Have you got the answer Harvey? Well the musk a domestica would leave because it's the common house flight Oh, I mean very good very good That's That's one point for the quiz kids Now Dennis in order to be absolutely fair I'm going to ask you a question along the same line now listen carefully What fly would you associate with butter? Well, that might be a little tough so I'll put it this way Butter is associated with what fly the butterfly Ruthie. I didn't ask you Dennis you didn't hear that answer did you know I've got ashes in my ear Mary Livingston the butterfly correct and there's a point for the Benny kids both sides are even wait a minute mr Benny, sorry Harvey, but we won on a technicality Now let's see. Oh brother wait you get on their show Mary, please Now here's a problem the mathematics sent in by Clifford Gordon 10th Street walk Keegan, Illinois Well gee mr. Benny if it's a problem in mathematics just ask Joe Kuperman. Oh, I have another question From Georgia's cynic and walk Keegan, Illinois. I think you can answer this Ruthie. I'm ready mr Benny now this problem is in the field of x theology x theology. What's that? How do I know? Anyway, Ruthie named the five types of fishes in order of their development and give examples of each go ahead Besides mr. Mata, which are lamprey eels and hagfish Next comes the elastin of rank high the sharks and rays. That's right Next the gnoidy eye, which are the armored fishes After that come the teleastomy the true fishes and last of all the dip know I which are the lung fishes Isn't that amazing very good Ruthie now Philip Harris? Yeah, sir I think it's only fair that I ask you the same type of question How do you spell fish? Come on Philip go ahead. How do you spell fish? F-I-S-C-H That's right Joe fish, I know him well That's two points for the quiz kids and two points for the Benny kids Now Richard here's a problem in mathematics that comes from Dave Wolf of Chicago. Well, mr Benny if it's a problem in mathematics Why don't you ask Joe cupperman Harvey? Don't tell me how to run my contest. I'm gonna ask Richard now Richard Two men who earn four hundred and fifty dollars and a hundred and fifty dollars a month respectively Decide to build a house and divide the cost and proportion to their income Each of these two men has three sons who help with the work, but they cannot work full-time One works every day the second every other day the third every third day and so on Are you uh, are you following Richard? Yes, are you? Don't worry about me Bob Now they all work the first day and they finish the house the second day they all work together each guy has three kids Huh, they'll go away. Will you you know from nothing? Now Richard Richard one joint owner. I mean one joint owner Had to pay one thousand five hundred dollars more than the other How much is a house cost and how long did it take to build it? Well Dennis, I see you got your hand up. What is the answer butterfly? Right that's free for the Benny kids Wait a minute, we were on another question. Oh, yes. Yes. I'm sorry. Well Richard. Have you got the answer yet? Richard yes, sir $3,000 and it would take 60 days to build it excellent $1,000 and 60 days is correct. How do you know I trust Richard? Now let's see. Oh, Mr. Benny. What are the dentists button? You should job for me peeping out. Oh, yeah Well Richard earn another point for the quiz kids making a three-to-three now Mary here's your question The answer is 15 wait. I asked you I'm very concentrated if you had 20 apples and your mother took away 10 and gave you back 5 How many would you have 15 you heard me? How did you know I was going to ask you boy a told me? Now cut that out boy a told you I told you to button your shirt quiet Here's a question for Donald Wilson Donald oh Don hey fatty. Yes Thank you Richard Now Donald here's a question from bird Scott of Salt Lake City Now Donald if you were on your way to a drugstore and the drugstore was two miles away And you could make it in 17 minutes But you had across the bridge and on this particular day the bridge was washed out and you had a row of boat across the river How wide is the river? 350 feet, but there's a strong current carrying you downstream at the rate of 3.6 miles per hour So it takes you an extra 23 minutes to reach the grocery store now here's the question What would you buy when you've got there a? Package of lucky strikes Absolutely correct Now Donald why would you buy that package of lucky strikes because lucky strikes means buying the backhoe can you elaborate on that? Yes, they're so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw very good elaborated The score is now five to three and favor of the Benny kid Now Harvey here's a question for you. Well if it's mathematics after all peppermint. I just changed it the history Now listen What did the United States purchase from Denmark after World War one the Virgin Islands for 21 million dollars? You're wrong. It was 25 million. It was 21 million the United States paid 25 million dollars Jack ought to know they borrowed the money from him Certainly I remember when I took Woodrow Wilson down into my balls now another question in history Dennis Who was the first president of the United States? Come on Dennis? Who was the first president of the United States? Come on George George my name is Dennis. I know Now who is the first president of the United States? He was the father of our country George George Jessel no anyway. I'm asking Dennis. My name is George. It is not All right, Phil. I'll ask you who was the first president of the United States George George What do women do on Monday? Washing that's right George washing washing Yeah What am I thinking out at you your tongue correct George washing tongue? The score is six to three in favor of the Betty kids We win and the ten dollar bill goes to me. Wait a minute. Wait a minute This is a frame of frame of these questions around the up-and-up. We knew what she did. Oh, yeah Well, it's a good thing Richard didn't say that believe me. Oh, come on kids. Let's go. Let's get out of here Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Oh Do you like that a bunch of sore losers play genius? Lucky strike means fine tobacco and in a cigarette. It's the tobacco that counts So round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw the famous tobacco auctioneer Mr. L.A. Speedwigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina Mr. Fee Boone of Lexington, Kentucky Otherwise they'll speaking for a lucky strike TLS MFT Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. This is NBC the national broadcasting company You