 Craft presents the great gilder slave At this time from Hollywood, California craft presents Harold Perry as the great gilder slave Written by Leonard L. Evanson. We'll hear from the great gilder slave in just a moment But first I wonder what you mean when you use the word progress because here's what I mean Progress means making the old things better and inventing new things that are better than the old Well, that applies to foods as well as to other things and modern margarine is an outstanding example Yes, modern margarine like parquet margarine made by craft is certainly a lot different from the margarines of even just a few years ago Yes, all you have to do is to try parquet margarine once to know it's different and better because it tastes so deliciously good That's why parquet margarine is a favorite everywhere both for table use and for cooking too Now you all know that proper nutrition is necessary to national defense Well parquet margarine is a wholesome highly nutritious food In fact, it's one of the best sources of food energy you could serve and every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A So get acquainted with this nourishing modern margarine delicious parquet margarine made by craft Remember it's parquet par K-a-y And now let's visit our friend the great gilder slave. Yeah, let me have some more of that green paper. Rilroy. Yeah, thanks Hey, who you sending that necktie to it's for cousin Clinton in Iowa. Leroy. You can't do that He's the one who sent you that uncle Stanley. Oh, no uncle Stanley gave it to cousin Clinton the year before How do you know because I gave it uncle Stanley four years ago. Oh Are you sure it's the same time? Oh positively Marjorie. I'd know those purple stripes and those orange dots any place I think we can skip him this year. We send him a Christmas card. Yeah. Oh, mr. Lou Ellen Be sure to address a card to our cousin Clinton. Will you please? Yes, ma'am? Why do I say how you coming along with the addressing in the ceiling? Lou Ellen, well, I'm a little quaggy. Yeah, I feel as if I'd wick my weight in Christmas seals I wish they'd get some different flavored glue like slobbery was really Joey orange women of wine They'll come to that Lou Ellen. You're just a little ahead of time Leroy, what are you doing me? Oh, I just thought I'd see what's in this package piggy banks gave me But Leroy if Mark don't open until Christmas. Yes, haven't you any self-control or willpower young man? Don't you realize if you opened all your gifts ahead of time when Christmas morning came around you wouldn't have a single toy left to a Break but gee I caught Marjorie sniffing around the present you gave her uncle more. I was not Just happened to drop it and I was afraid it might be perfume Well, it's not perfume. It's a whoops if I almost told you then Now both you children stop acting childish. Let me alone while I wrap this present. It's for Piper McGee I've already sent Molly McGee a big bottle of perfume So I better get Fiber McGee's present in the mail for wishful vista tonight Oh, what did you get for a month or more something he needs badly an electrical pants presser It's a neat little gadget, isn't it? Although I doubt if it'll make much of an impression on those gunny sacks McGee wears You think that's enough of a gift for mr. McGee. Why not cost me thirty-nine cents the cut rate drugstore Well, I thought mr. McGee was a close friend of yours. He is Leroy. He's the closest friend I've got And I'm not speaking geographically or intimately. I'm speaking financially. I never knew that well He isn't exactly tight. He's more of a borrow a tool today and return when rusty type The more I think about the things McGee is borrowed the less I think of him Who does he imagine he is the doorbell? I mean the doorbell. It's ringing. Yeah, I'll get it Yeah, this is a domicile a truck more than pig illiterate. It is this is it shorty. Okay, look Hey, what do you want this box? Mr. Put it right down here for now Yeah, what's in it mr. Just give you a shite and with your buddy. Are you ready spike? Yeah, let's get this over with all right I want a two a tree. Oh We are something in the nature of an experiment. Oh help me to see if it's satisfactory Yeah, oh no, we're doing it for the men to see if it's remunerative. Oh Yes, I get it. Well, here you are boys A dime for each of you Why spike this guy and got no respect for music. Yeah, but he sure got a lot of respect for money Now to see what pepper McGee is set me. What is it uncle more? Yeah, thank goodness. Hand me the hatchet again Leroy. Oh, no, no. Can't you see what it says where oh? Don't open till Christmas and this means you'll kill the old snoop Oh McGee never means what he says they're the hatchet please Leroy Yes, and how about yourself control? Oh, they're fine. It's my curiosity has got the best of me Gee, let me take one little peek will you huh now who's acting childish uncle more? You're right Marjorie. I wasn't setting you a good example Hand me some of that ribbon and I'll get this pants presser off to my old chum. Oh, what am I saying? I can't send McGee this dinky little present now Why not because that box probably contains a large valuable gift for me? Alongside of it my cheap little crease iron will look like a well 39 cents What do you think you should do uncle? I better go right downtown and get him something better Oh, I think that's very nice of you uncle more. It sure is. I think so, too Now in order to get an idea of how much McGee spent so I won't spend any more Don't you think I should take one quick little look as to what he sent me? No All right, I was just suggesting If you're going downtown you better hurry up getting late in the stores are awfully overcrowded. Oh, I won't have any trouble Get your cap and coat Leroy. I'm right with you. Are you taking Leroy through those mobs with you? Yes, Marjorie. He and I have worked out a wonderful system for Christmas shopping. Haven't we Leroy? What kind of a system? It's called the angle worm formation Leroy goes ahead and figures out an angle and I wear my way through Haven't I always said that the best is none too good for pepper McGee Well, how do you do sir? What will it be? I'm looking for a present for a friend Do you think he might like a half-dozen imported crevettes? Crevap is an ectite of cells for five dollars Leroy. No, I'd like to get him a more substantial gift Oh, here's something and maybe he'd like a dressing gown or a robe. Well, yes We have some lovely ones say in the neighborhood of a hundred dollars. Have you got anything in the cheaper neighborhood? Well here are a few in the vicinity of sixty dollars Oh, yes, yes, this brown silk one the exactly the right thing you have it in smaller size and some other color in a different material and a little less expensive Well, then I'll have to go back in the stock room and see what we have there if you'll just wait a moment Don't worry Yes, we're trying on those derpies Leroy You never tell who wore them before you did well I only want to see how I looked in one of how can you see when they come to down to your nose on you? I'll just stand still just the sort of person. I'm looking for oh, excuse me, sir But there's a little favor I'd like to ask of you certainly madam. What can I do for you? Well, if you see that man standing over there at the sweater counter Oh, you mean the funny-looking gent with the bat-wing ears and the dirty look has he been annoying you know? He's my husband. Oh, I didn't mean that nice looking chap I I was talking about the one in the checkered overcoat standing next to it The fat guy that looks like a cross between a scowl and a barge. That's the one who is my husband You see I want to surprise him with this pretty blue But I don't know if it's the right size for him So I thought that being that you two are of the same bill. What do you think I'm as tubby is that tubby? No, oh now, please I don't want him to suspect a thing. Why don't you help the lady out uncle more? Huh? Yes, why not? Here, let me have it madam. Hold it up Leroy. Yeah, thanks Oh, this is so nice of you really not at all it would you care to have me parade up and down like one of those models? Oh, no, no, thank you. Now, I just hide the belt there. Oh there now turn around please. Yeah. Oh dear What's wrong is my slip showing? Well, either I picked the wrong size or else you're stouter than my husband. I'll see you here lady We can soon see I have a tape measure here in my bag somewhere a measure. I know Leo's size Oh, oh, yes, here it is now if you'll just put your arms up I'll flip this tape around your waist and find out what size My goodness, he mustn't find out about the surprise Pretend that you're my my cousin George. I said why are you hugging this fellow Fanny? Oh? Well Leo, it's cousin George. I haven't seen him for years You don't blame me for being glad to see my own cousin do you know not at all glad to meet you George There's a pleasure to pleasures of the pleasures all mine voice still changing, huh? Well George Fanny's told me all about you, but I always picked you as a different man Well, I was a different man up to quite recently Oh, it's it's just too bad that cousin George is just passing through town and can't stop over for a visit Huh, aren't you cousin George? Oh, oh me? Oh, yes, it doesn't George. I just happen to be driving. I mean I thought you hated automobile. Do I yeah, didn't the automobile ruin your horse collar business? Oh, I don't know did it? Oh, yes, yes, of course But I'm not one to hold a grudge you're not well not more than 20 years anyway Hey, that reminds me. What's happened to Francis these days the Francis. Oh, he's all right He's just when it's Francis a heat. I mean, she's just dandy Yeah, I talked to her long distance only last night. Oh, how can you talk long distance to a horse? Oh, oh that Francis yeah, I thought you meant the other Francis, you know the one I mean don't you cousin Fanny of course your wife Yeah, my what I never knew you were married George old boy. Oh, well, it's all sort of a secret who we eloped it's in Niagara Falls What's so hot about Niagara Falls well Leo just thinks it's funny that you'd eloped in Niagara Falls when you live right there all your life Sorry, I can't stand around here folks. I've got to catch a train I hate him again come on Let's get away from there before that gorilla gets happy you ring my neck. How do I manage to get into such a fair As far away as our chubby little legs will carry us now. Don't do belly-dally the Roy You can't scream like this. I can't oh, why not why George? It was a lucky thing I kept calm and cool all through that encounter What have you been but uncle morning about the Roy come out with it. I've been trying to tell you all along We've got to go back to the store. Why you're still wearing that baby blue bathrobe. Oh, we had a terrible time I haven't been pushed around so much since my baby carriage days Gosh, you never saw so many places out of so much stuff that so many people wanted so bad What sort of pleasant were you working for? Well, well something unusual and expensive that he doesn't have already Yeah, I'll come on almost got a dandy baby blue bath all but actually took it outside to see how it looked in the daylight He took it back. Yeah Well, we'll go down and try it again tomorrow. Maybe you'll come along my tree to help me Hey There's something missing in this room. I was wondering how long it would be before you noticed the difference What is it come come Lou Ellen? Don't be coy. What have you done? I took Mr. McGee's pleasant Wicked it out of you and walked it in the wampers womb closet You did hey, and why did you do that? Oh, just so you could resist opening it before Christmas Well, that took a lot of nerve. Oh, no, it just took a lot of strength Believe me before I was full. I bit only regretted starting the whole proposition Well, yeah, I was a wreck Mr. Llewellyn worked quite hard Llewellyn the next time you poke your probing proboscis into my personal affairs I'm gonna take a swing at it. What was that? Mr. Gillis we If you fool around with something that's no skin off your nose, I buy George it will be Oh, please Mr. Gillis we don't lose your temper. Yeah, who's losing their temper, but you're raising your voice Who's raising their voice you you're just angry because I hit your pleasant. Oh, is that so? I suppose you know everything that's going on in my mind Yep, I can weed you like a dictionary. Oh, yes You can read me like a dictionary. Why don't you turn to the letter D and under discharge? You'll find that's where you are. Well, Mr. Gillis. We've what do you mean? I mean that you're fired dismissed Finished sat now. Do you understand? Well? All right, that's the way you feel. Bye. Goodbye, Mrs. Marjorie. Goodbye. Goodbye. We boy What's he getting so happy about I Never saw such an excitable fellow in all my life But the man has got no Christmas spirit making me fire him right before the holidays He didn't get his pay. Did he uncle more Joe? That's right. You better run after him Leroy and tell him to come back for his money Okay, and Leroy Tell him if he behaves himself he can come back to work He had no right getting me all worked up after a hard day shopping. I'm not an unreasonable man Am I Marjorie? Of course not uncle more. Yes. I'm just as nice as the next man. Sometimes nicer, too What do you mean he's gone? Well, it was snowing rather hard. Oh jumping deeps I've turned him out into the cold with only a thin Macintosh. Oh now Don't you worry uncle mort that call him at his hotel tomorrow after you've both cooled off. Yes, of course Oh, I can't do that. I don't know where he lives. Do either of you. No, I don't think so not me. Oh my goodness I'm a cat. I'm a bounder. No, not a bounder just a cat. I Won't be able to look myself in the face the next time I shave What'll I do say maybe birdie knows where I live? Oh, yes, birdie. Maybe she does. I'll go find out Birdie, yes, sir. Do you know where? Well, and what are you doing here? Oh just eating my supper. Mr. Ellis wave No use Leroy they're booking passage on those elevators a couple of days in advance Let's wander into the furniture department. Well, we've looked every place else for a present. Maybe we'll find something there Yeah, I wasn't thinking about River McGee's present by tree. I only wanted to rest my feet ain't clear up to my shoulder blades Poor uncle mort. Yeah, so here's a nice big leather chair. Try it. Why don't you? Oh, thank you. I will Very comfortable Now if I could only take my shoes off, but there I go daydreaming again On the arm of this chair. I wonder what this one does Help me the chair is now bad. Oh, you know on second thought. This is a nice. I think I'll take 40 weeks Wake me up in 1942. Will you? Oh, you can't sleep there. Oh, yes, I can watch me. Hey, this is certainly a great invention Oh You spoiled everything it's a chair again Interested in the Snorwell reclining chair. Oh, is that what it is? Mighty cozy little one-man couch and an ideal Christmas present for father husband friend or boss Uncle McGee, how about it? Yeah, Uncle McGee. How about this? See that's not a bad idea. In fact, it's the best one I've had so far Let me tell you about some of the Snorwell features. Oh three comfy cuddly positions Sitting snoozing and sleeping made of the toughest bull leather Overstuffed under slung while you couldn't be more tickled if you bought a feather bed Buy one for the rest of your life Catch up. Oh There's a salesman. What do you think of the more? Well, who's you how much is it? 3995 that's without any of the accessories and attachments of course. You mean it's got attachments like a vacuum cleaner Yes, sir, the Snorwell is a first fully mechanized chair Well, I'm interested now. This is for a friend of mine who's rather mechanically minded. Yeah Yes, he invented an illuminated sundial once yep for cloudy days, you know No, you wouldn't know Let me show you these features. Here's the overhead reading lamp also handy for shaving Yes, then we have a combination ashtray and cigar lighter that appears and disappears at the touch of a button What does it do with the ashes dump them under the rug And we also have an electric clock and a compartment for sandwiches with a tank price water It'll do that too for $24 more we'll put a little radio inside the headrest My goodness if you attack a mailbox on the side of this chair, you could live in it No, this one seems a little damaged. Look at this crack in it crack. Yeah, that is no crack It's a slot for all razor blades Do you know uncle the more I hear about it the more I'm convinced that this is just the present for mr McGee so my young man how much of one cost with all the accessories well the super dilute shoot the works model sells for $119 and 95 cents. Oh my dear, but what do you think children? Oh, yes $119.95 But I guess I'll do it just to say gee I knew I'd sell one of these someday what Oh Where is it to be delivered sir? It goes to Fibre McGee 79 whistle vista whistle vista. Yeah, can you have it delivered there before Christmas? Yes, sir. We can send it out by express this afternoon. They're good. They're charged at the Frost Morton P. Gildersleeve Here's my car. Thank you, mr. Gildersleeve and seasons greeting. Yeah Merry Christmas to you. Come on you two. We can go home now. Certainly is a load off my well Hello judge hooker a Christmas shopping. I see Gildersleeve, how are you Marjorie? Fine judge hooker season's greetings judge. Thank you You all look so happy that can only be one reason. Yeah, you just finished buying the last of your holiday gifts Yes, that's it and it certainly was a humdinger. Yes, sir. It was for Leroy. Let's keep it a secret It was for a certain very good friend of mine. Yeah, it's a real pal, you know Well, we'll be seeing you come on children. Let's make another try for the elevator I Say could that present be for me? After all I have been a pal to him. I just like to know Young man. Yes, sir. What I was My friend who was just here. He told me what he bought, but it slipped my mind. What was it again? Oh, it was a present a Snorwell reclining chair with 80 dollars worth of accessories. Well. Well, that must be for me Gildersley broke the springs in my best lounge chair now. He's making up for it Say now I'll have to get him something better than that flashlight. I bought him for Christmas Thank you young man. Thank you. Goodbye. Bye. Bye Gee whiz. So that's for the McGee Like somebody's raising a rumpets in the rumpets room. I'm going to investigate. I don't know why I'm so brave In fact, I don't know if I'm so brave Better stop here in the kitchen first Now I feel better Thank you. Yeah, how much confidence a couple of carving knives gives a lady Oh, Mr. Gildersley. Oh my goodness. I thought it was a burglar. All my stars in the firmament. That was a burglar What's that? Well, that's the present. Mr. McGee sent me. Oh, then that means there wasn't no burglar No, how honest to truly Mr. Gildersley you are be ashamed of yourself and folks at 3 a.m. In the morning Sneaking around in your pajamas Snooping at your Christmas presents ahead of time. Lucky. I caught you before you got it open. Now you go on back to bed Yeah, but birdie go on now. You know what you know what you is. No, what you is a problem uncle. That's what good night Merry Christmas Gildersley. Well, well, and what's this? Oh, just a little present. I picked up for you. Gildy old pair for me Oh What is it just that have met golf clubs in the leather bag. Oh, you shouldn't have done it By the way, I've got something for you. Oh, no, I didn't expect anything. Well, it isn't very much I had right here in the hall This little box This little box Oh, thank you very much Gildy. Oh, won't you come in and look at the archery judge. No, no, I've got to get along I feel a headache coming on Goodbye goodbye and thanks for the wonderful present old pal Say Marjorie look at the dandy golf outfit judge Hooker gave me for Christmas. Oh What did you give him uncle more the pants presser I almost sent him again Oh, sure come on Marjorie Somebody tried to get into the box Chips and flitters all around who could have done it uncle a mice Hey, we'd better take a look inside to see if it's damaged any Well, but who knows what's happened to it. We better act quickly. Let me have that hatchet Thank you. Of course, you know, I'd never open it under ordinary circumstances Yeah, put the lid someplace Leroy Well, everything's all right so far At last I'm so excited. I can hardly tear off the wrapping Now we can see what we can see. What's this? Oh a card Dear chum guilty. Oh good old favorite. Merry Christmas and a happy new year And here's your old lawnmower back signed for the McGee Oh Thank you. They'll sleep will be with us again in a few minutes You know people who won't try new things certainly miss a lot Yes, you just can't know whether you really like something or not until you actually try it yourself That's why I urge everyone to try delicious parquet margarine made by craft Because you're really missing something if you hadn't tried this truly modern margarine First of all, you're missing the delicate appetizing flavor that makes parquet margarine outstanding Why Americans from coast to coast have found they prefer parquet margarine because it tastes so good both for table use and for cooking too Secondly, parquet margarine is an economical source of food values your family needs now. That's very important these days Proper nutrition is essential to national defense. You see parquet margarine is wholesome and nutritious It's one of the best energy foods you could serve and especially important in the wintertime Craft adds 9,000 units of vitamin a to every pound of parquet Making it a dependable source of this vitamin the year round Now with food prices rising you owe it to yourself to find out how delicious and nourishing economical parquet margarine is so don't put it off ask your food dealer tomorrow for parquet par k a y Hand me those pajamas Leroy. Yeah, thanks and to think that now that extra shirt Marjorie. It's in the bag already Oh, well, I'll show him a thing or two. Excuse me. I'll come off it. Where are you going? The whistle vista my dear I'm gonna try and get back my $119 chair before it's delivered to pepper McGee's house You aren't gonna be way over Christmas. Are you? Oh, no I'm just gonna be there Tuesday night and remind me on the way to the station I've got to stop at the cut rate drugstore to get McGee another pants presser Merry Christmas everybody and good night And music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randall This is Jim Vannon speaking for the craft cheese company and inviting you to be with us again next week at the same time For the further adventures of the great gilder slave. This is the national broadcasting company