 to the 21 convention Miami, Florida, 2016. And we have our first speaker of the day, amazing guy. He's a guy that also lives in Austin, Texas, but has taught literally all over the world working with men, dating, seduction and true empowerment. He is the founder and main face of the art of the playboy, Mr. Gareth Jones. What's up? Hey guys. Hey Gareth. So thanks for showing up this morning. This is so early. I really appreciate that. I'm not super good at mornings, but I'm glad to see you guys bright and bushy-eyed mostly. Some of you may know who I am. Some of you may not. For those of you that don't know who I am, actually, is there anybody here that does know who I am that's familiar with me? Good. OK, all right, all right. I want to kind of give a bit of a background. And in my background, I'm going to include a couple of the ideas that I wanted to talk about yesterday. I had this idea for a speech, and I went through it, and everything has been created, and written down, and it was put on my iPad, and it was all set, and I practiced it. And this morning I woke up, and after seeing Nick, after seeing, let's start talking with Ryan, I was like, no, you know what? I think I owe it to you guys to do something a little bit more honest. So let me start from the beginning. My name is Gareth Jones. I teach for Art of the Playboy, which is a company that teaches guys how to talk to girls if there's any question about that. But it focuses more on refinement. It focuses more on making things a little bit smoother, making things a little bit more grown up, making things a little bit more pleasant, nice, that kind of idea of, I don't want to say cool, because cool is kind of like something you get tripped up on, but that idea of classic, that idea of stylish, rather than fashionable, because I really enjoy that. I really enjoy that kind of stuff. I really enjoy the James Bond. I really enjoy the Cary Grant. I enjoy suiting and booting. This is a very silly sort of way. I don't take myself very seriously. I have kind of a problem with people that do take themselves very seriously, but I understand why people would think I take myself seriously. And my story is probably very similar to a lot of yours in that I got into this stuff, because a girl gave me a copy of the game. Is there anybody here that hasn't read the game? OK, all right, so quite a few of you. That's pretty interesting. I do a lot of, I've done a lot of the PUA conventions and things where that's where you come from. Like in LA, I speak at Johnny Soporno's workshop in Las Vegas. I've done some of the, I did a direct dating summit with Sasha at Sasha Day Game, if you guys aren't familiar, which I'm sure you are. And I got into it because a girl gave me a copy of the game, and she was like, wow, this is so interesting. It's about psychology, and it's about getting better with girls. It'd be something that's really right up your alley, because I love women. I love them. I think they're wonderful. I think they're beautiful. I think every part of them is so cool and so amazing. And that was always a strength for me. That was always something that I was really, really into. I really appreciated it. And that, of course, became kind of a problem in that I would become really needy. I would be super whiny. I'd be that guy that gets really clingy really quickly. And I had that issue where I was like, I really, really like women, but women seem to like me for a very short period of time, and then they kind of get tired of me. And that's one of those things that a lot of guys may have run into, and they meet a girl and things start going somewhere. And then she kind of goes, eh, fucks off. And I knew that to be a problem on my end. I've come a very long way from my childhood. I wasn't really cool. Obviously, a lot of guys that are in this industry, I wasn't super cool. And I really wanted to work on that. I really realized that it was something that could be manipulated, that cool wasn't like a thing. It wasn't like how tall you were, or how short you were, or how fat you were, or how much you could lift, or anything like that. I knew it was this kind of element that I wasn't understanding. So I went and I kind of set myself out to be able to change that, or to try to change that. And I learned a lot in the process. And I started to apply that when I was about 23, 24, when I moved to Los Angeles, because I had read that book. And that book said, hey, you can do this to girls. You can become popular with women, or you can be good with women. I thought that was so amazing to me. So I read this book, The Game, and I started trying all these indirect openers, all the Neil's stress stuff, the indirect openers, the time constraints. They talked about a lot of mystery method, nagging, things like that. Opinion openers, I think I said. And then I read that and I read every other book I could get my hands on. We were talking about some of the books that were mentioned in the game, some of the NLP stuff, some of the hypnosis stuff. And very quickly I was consumed by all of this, all of these different elements, all these different little areas. Not necessarily, I wasn't really in the whole self-improvement camp. I was really straight up, these are women, I love women, I want more women in my life. How do I do that? So I read The Game, I practiced all that stuff. I ended up, just by fluke chance, I ended up at Neil Strauss's house for the party, for the end of VH1's pick-up artist season two. And I met a bunch of guys there, including Ross Jeffries, who invited me to come to one of his seminars. So I studied under that. And then at that seminar I met some of the style life guys, so I got invited to one of the style life conferences, which to me, that was so interesting because I had read this book and I was like, oh my gosh, this is an amazing book. And all the while I was going out and practicing this stuff because I knew, I knew it was one of those things where if I didn't start doing it now, I never would. So I was going out and I was practicing this stuff and then I was throwing in some Ross Jeffries lines, a lot of anchoring, a lot of like phonetic disambiguation. I was reading, I mean, I read it all. I read the Love Drop book, The Mystery Method. I was reading, I mean, whatever it is, the Art of Seduction, Robert Green book. I had picked up the NLP book Frogs and the Princes we were just talking about. Started reading a lot of that stuff, which is where most of my text stuff came from. And I got real good, to be honest with you, a little arrogant. I got really good at this stuff. And I also got really good at teaching it. I got really good at teaching it because I didn't come at it from a place of changing myself so much as I came at it from a place where somebody else had this information and you can apply this information. So think about it like learning a martial art. In some cases people say, now I've learned this kick. Oh, I learned a kick. So now that's a kick I can do, it's a thing. Not a lot of people say, well now I am man that kicks. Which is quite a bit of a better mind frame. But I wasn't really thinking about it like that at that point. So I was very clear on how to explain it to other people. Because that ability, which I think probably if you ever get like a time to chat with a coach, I mean any of the coaches here, the trainers here, you'll find that there are not that many people that can teach well. And we probably will all agree on that. There's lots of guys that are good with girls. But to teach it well is very, very difficult which is why you'll see these names popping up again. You'll see Nick Sparks again. You'll see Steve Mayer over and over again at different places. Not just a constant cycle. Because teaching is actually quite difficult. And I got picked up by a friend that was on the VH1 show to coach for a company called ABCs of Attraction. And I coach for ABCs of Attraction kind of teaching like for the most part teaching guys that were like fresh off the boat immigrants that were first second generation immigrants that were having a real hard time with social skills and getting better with lots of Asians, lots of Indians that were getting better with social skills and not so much women, but a lot, definitely some skills with women. And I taught that for nearly four years. And then I started, for reasons I went out on my own and I decided exactly what I was gonna teach. I was growing because at this point I'm still learning, I'm growing with what I'm learning. I'm reading things and I'm saying well these things that I'm reading I'm agreeing with and they're not necessarily jiving with what I'm presently teaching but I'm kind of under this corporate umbrella so I have to teach what they're thinking and it eventually just got to the point where I wanted to go on my own and teach my own stuff. And that's when I worked with some of the guys from Natural Lifestyles, which James and Liam are gonna be here soon, and I highly encourage you make every effort to come and see them speak although you guys are here at nine in the morning so you're obviously not screw off in the afternoon because they have an entirely different method that I was completely new to. I made friends with James at the Pickup Summit in 2010 where I was voted the best new pickup artist in the world. And yeah, right, it's got me late all the time. I actually used to have one of those. I had the plaque that Vince had signed, thank you Vince, and it said best new pickup artist in the world and I had it on my wall because I was actually quite, I mean I still am quite proud of that because it doesn't, it's not like hey, what's up ladies but it's something, it meant that I had changed, it was a transition from really struggling with girls to like yes, you are accredited now and I had it on my wall and I saw it, I didn't really think about it until this girl I had taken this girl home and we were literally having sex and she was like, what's that? And I was like, nothing to worry about it. So that's no longer on my wall. But I had met James and James and I quickly became very good friends and he introduced me to his method and I taught on a couple of his Euro tours and it was a very, very, very different method than what I had been teaching, almost the opposite and I've spoken a few times at conferences about the different types of learning how to talk to girls and I went through this spiral where I had for five years, six years I had thought I knew what was right, what was good, what worked, right? What worked, because we're all here because we wanna know what works and all your questions are gonna be like, what works? What do you say when, when do I text? Where's the right place to take a girl on a date? And then I had been shown pretty much the opposite of what I had known to be true and that also worked and I was like, shit. I'm a fraud, everything I know is wrong. I'm not really a fraud because now I know this stuff and it's right so I can go and do that. So I was teaching great stuff. You know, I was incorporating what I believed and what was right with what I had been taught from James and what I had learned from him and his crew and that kind of different, more of like a, if you can imagine it, like there's two sides of seduction. There's the POA side and there's the kind of like Eastern philosophy side. Like James was teaching about meditation. Nick talks about meditation. Whoa, I didn't know anything about meditation. Getting in state for me when I was going out to girls, working on my inner game, wasn't about meditation. It was about putting on the James Bond theme song and tying up your tie, making a proper martini, spending time lighting that cigar before you go out to the club. That was my getting in state. It had nothing to do with meditation. Why would I want to sit down quietly and breathe? That doesn't sound like it's going to get me pumped up. And then I went on this workshop when they showed me that it did get me pumped up and I was like, oh fuck, everything I know is wrong. So I went through this period of time where I was very intimidated because I really didn't know what was right and what was wrong and what was up or what was down. And I was teaching, and I was teaching all over the world. I was teaching in different countries. I was in Italy when I really, when I hit me, I had a student that had come from my old teaching and wanted me to do some refresher. We were in Rome. He spent like five or six days with me in Rome and he wanted to do some refreshers but now I didn't believe in anything I was teaching before. So I had all this new stuff and I wanted to teach him new stuff. And he's like, hold on a second. What about my story about the cat that you told me to say? And I was like, well, you can't do that anymore. It's, that's bullshit because it's a DHV story and if you're trying to display higher value then it means you actually don't believe that you were of higher value and she's going to see that and now it's, and there's this whole thing and I was having this crisis. And I eventually got through it. I worked my way through it where I realized the other stuff I was teaching was right. It was good and it was, it wasn't, I hadn't just stolen it from somebody else. I had put all together these things and it was only until recently that I had a student and I had the student for one-on-one and he just simply wasn't gonna be the type that meditates. He wasn't gonna be the type that worked on projecting sexual intent and breathing in the air around you and working on your awareness and using that awareness to create a solid foundation of intent and then bringing that intent to a woman without any expectation of getting from her, getting a date or getting a number or getting laid. I just really knew that wasn't gonna go with him. It just wasn't gonna happen. So I had to kind of step back and say, let's work on openers. Let's work on what to say. At the ABCs, way back in the day, there was this phrase where they say that the beginner thinks what to say, the average PUA or seductor or whatever. Seductor, I know what's the word. Thinks how to say it and the experts are thinking where they're gonna fuck this girl. And for me, I just knew he didn't need that stuff. We needed to start somewhat basic and it got me thinking and I realized that this stuff that I had thought was right and then had come to thought was wrong was of course right. It works, it's fine. It's great. It worked for me. Right, eventually you'll get to a point where you study so much stuff, you'll start to look back on the stuff you studied at first and you were like, whoa, that's old. That's old stuff. That's not what we can use now. We've evolved. But I was thinking about it yesterday, especially when Nick was talking about being aware of yourself. And I was thinking, geez, this is just this kind of path that we're all going on. So what I'd like to do for you today in a kind of weird esoteric way, and I know you guys come here with your notepads because you want to, what time do you want text and what do I say and what's the best place to take a girl on a date and I know that. But what I really wanna do for you guys this weekend, and I'm super lucky that I'm able to do this fairly early on, is I wanna give you a little bit of an overview so that you can look at all of these guys that are all gonna come and speak on tremendously different topics with tremendously different viewpoints and be able to look at it and realize that it's all valid. Robbie Kramer said something yesterday I completely disagreed with. But at the same time, I saw exactly where he was coming from. I knew that that works for him perfectly. I think about the stuff that I've experienced where, you know what? It's right, but it doesn't work for me, but it did work for me, but it doesn't work for me anymore. So there's gonna be points in time where things are gonna work for you and when they stop working for you, then it's time to move on, right? If it doesn't work for you, maybe it's not working for you yet. Every time I do a style session, every time I take some guy out shopping, he always says to me, sometimes it's more overt, sometimes it's more like a little bit laid back, then I always say you're not gonna, like I don't really have to do the whole suit and tie thing, do I? No, of course not because you're not me, right? This is my demonstration of what I'm capable of or what I like or what happens to be in that moment. For me, what I wanna do is I wanna give you guys that thought in your head where you look at all these guys that are teaching you all these different things and say, hey, what works for me? What would I like? What do I resonate most with? And come to think, you know what? This is an actual thing. This is a decision that I have to make and I'm gonna try it all out. At Art of the Playboy, we have three main rules. We start with these three rules and the first one is have fun, enjoy the process, have fun. Because if you're not having fun, in all honesty, you're A, you're not gonna enjoy the changes that you're making and B, if you face difficulty, you're just not gonna stay with it. You're gonna be like, whatever. You guys ever gotten to that point where you're like, maybe you're cooking something or maybe you're building a model or you're doing something and it gets really, really hard and then you're just like, yeah, this is so stupid. This isn't enjoyable. I don't wanna do this. Especially when it's something that you're doing specifically because you enjoy it. Right? If you're doing something because you enjoy it, I don't really kind of subscribe to the mentality that you should not enjoy work, that you should work. You know, the difference between work and fun is very debated. What's the difference between hobby and work? And I don't really believe in work. I don't really like it. I don't. I enjoy doing exactly what I want to do. A lot of the people, you know, that really enjoy work that put their nose to the grindstone feel differently about work than I do. I think of work as like, you're going to a job for 40 hours a week so you can earn money so you can pay for the things that you actually wanna do. I don't believe in that. I think that's nonsense. I think that's entirely a waste of life. I think it's this mentality that's been created by people that are very unhappy with their lot in life and they are trying to make you feel like you should be doing it too. And I don't believe that. And I stand here and every time I, like every day that passes it is a testament to the fact that you can just get by by doing what you like and hanging out with people that you like and spreading that around. I very much do believe that. I've gone on a little bit of a tangent but I believe that all of this stuff that you're gonna be doing when it comes to like saying that you wanna change with women or you wanna be better with women or you wanna improve yourself. All of that stuff is going to come from honesty. And first I'd like to give you a couple of examples of situations or elements of your kind of journey with women that can be, that I'm trying to say that can be totally different. That could be one approach or another like indirect or you know, the question of indirect versus indirect. Which one do I do? All right, what do I, what's better? And then I wanna talk about why we have a responsibility to do those things and to investigate those things, right? So, I started off by saying that there are a lot of these different elements. There are a lot of these different, there are different ways to achieve the same stuff, right? So when I first started it was the style life stuff which is all, you know, the Neil Strauss stuff which is you're open or as indirect with a time constraint. Excuse me, I know this is weird. I can only be here for a couple of seconds and then I gotta get back to my friends but who likes more women or men, right? And that worked for me. Maybe you guys have tried that, that works for you. Maybe it doesn't work for you. It's a pretty reliable way to open somebody giving them a false time constraint. Say, I'm gonna go up to this woman. I am a stranger. So she's gonna start, you know, maybe question what's going on. She's gonna say, what are the two questions she asks, who is this and how long is he gonna be here for? So you give a false time constraint. You say, hey, I can only stay for a couple seconds but then I'm gonna get, then I gotta get back to my friends but oh, who likes more women or men? There's your opener. The reason I ask is because there's your background. You filled it all in, this is great. That's very, very valid. As a coach that has taught for eight years, I think, it is a very basic and beginner way to do it but that does not mean it's not valid. It doesn't mean I don't do the same thing. I was out with my student in Detroit this weekend and he had this belief. He said, oh, I was talking to this girl at the gym. She found out she was 19. I don't know where it's gonna go because I think she's too young for me. Nope. Does anybody here know how young, too young for you is? Yep, like 17 and five, six. That's how young, too young is. So we were talking about it and, you know, in my position I can say I'm in a voice of authority. This is how it is. As a majority, women prefer older men. Obviously it's not true all the time but as a majority I'd be willing to stake my reputation on that. So I leaned back behind me and I said, hey, cute girl that is sitting here. And I did, for my own amusement, say, hey, quick question, but then I got you back to my conversation. On the whole, do you think women prefer older men or younger women? And then we talked about it and there you go. So, indirect, that's fine. Is that my opener of choice? No. If I saw a woman across the room and I was struck by her beauty, would that be my opener of choice? Maybe, probably not. For me right now I went through that phase where I did that, indirect opener. Indirect body language, indirect verbal. Boom, done, worked, cool. How about direct body language, indirect opener? Where I'm going up to a woman, I'm making solid eye contact with her. I'm standing up, shoulders back, chest out, stomach in, chin up. And I'm saying, an indirect opener. Excuse me, but maybe I'm giving, I'm projecting directness with my body. I'm projecting sexuality, right? 87% of what we say, what we communicate I should say. What we communicate to somebody is non-verbal, right? I think I watched a video Adam Lyons put online a long time ago where he said, so let me get this straight, you're gonna walk from that side of the bar all the way to the two cute girls over there and then you're gonna open them indirect and they're not gonna know that you're there because they're cute? Pretty standard, right? Pretty obvious. They're gonna know that. So why not project sexuality in some way but maybe for some people they're protecting themselves by being indirect? Maybe some people just wanna know something that's indirect, right? Neil Strauss has never, never waste a question on yourself or on your friends or the internet. Pardon me. Because you can waste it on a hot girl. Does that make it ingenuine? No. But then we step into being direct. I coached with Sasha Degame. Sasha Degame has a great phrase where he says if you're being indirect, if you're not telling a woman or projecting to a woman that you're there because you wanna fuck her, because you're attracted to her, that you're hiding that purpose, you're a pussy. Fuck, that's true too, right? If you're walking up to a woman and you're actively trying to hide the fact that you're attracted to her, that's why you're there. Jesus, it's kinda messed up as well. But then on some hands, socially, it's more acceptable to hide that or not hide it but pull it back a little bit, reel it back a little bit. And in a lot of cases, you'll eventually get to a situation where you're so socially adept, you realize that you shouldn't be expressing your sexuality verbally and that it's actually more attractive to build that pressure, right? If you guys ever been in a situation where like maybe in middle school, your friend says, hey, Alyssa likes you and I told her that you like her so you gotta go talk to her. And then he's like, hey, Alyssa, come over and then you're standing there with her and there's that tension. And you're like, oh my God, this tension is so bad. Eventually, you'll get to that point, the reason it's bad is because you don't control it. Eventually you go to that point where you control that tension. You control the pressure, that sexual pressure with a woman and then it's like the best thing in the world. And that's what builds that sexual tension. But unfortunately, that sexual attention in that case is released when you confess to her your attraction for her. So where's the line, right? Now I'm at a point where if I'm going to approach a woman, I'm gonna look at that woman, I'm gonna breathe in and I'm gonna feel my body, I'm gonna feel exactly what I think about it, right? Because men go through this four phase thing where they see a girl and they go, oh my God, it's a girl. And our body's like released to testosterone and endorphins and all this shit where our body's. Then we notice about her what we think is really attractive. That's where the honesty with ourselves and with awareness comes in, which is so important, I actually want to talk about it in a little bit. We notice something about her. We notice like the way she walks and how it's elegant, how she looks like she's out of a movie or the brilliant color of her shirt matches her eyes or doesn't match her eyes, maybe it's just brilliant, maybe it's something fitting her in a way that just drives us crazy. Or maybe she's just got big tits and we're going big tits. They're all valid. They're all perfectly valid and honest. But then we go, oh, we can't say that because if we say that she won't like us or it'll be the wrong thing or I didn't read in a book or she will be offended. And then we give her some bullshit, like you're really pretty or I like her shoes or some nonsense like that, some distillation of what you actually mean. Now I'm at a point where I really take into account exactly what I'm thinking, right? I found out exactly what it is that I like about her that I'm attracted to, whatever it is, and then I go and I tell her. Oh shit, what if we get ejected? What if she doesn't like that? What if it's the wrong thing? Exactly, exactly. What if it is the wrong thing? What if you don't like the right thing about her to make you like her? What if she goes, you like my eye shadow? That's really stupid. Maybe, but you know what? By going out on that limb, by being willing to express to her how you feel regardless of trying to get something, right? Getting numbers, getting late, getting dates. Not trying to get any of that stuff. We're going out there and we're just giving that feeling to her. You'll come to find that you're actually way less likely to get rejected. You're way less likely, right? What was the opener I used to use? I was in LA. Oh, you know, you guys ever remember the best friend test from the game? It's whether you're talking to two girls and you're like, hey, you want to see the best friend test and then you turn to one girl and say, you guys use the same toothpaste and if they look at each other, they're best friends and then somehow you talk about that and apparently that's interesting. But I used to do that all the time because that's what an authority figure said, hey, this is a good thing to do to make girls like you or to keep a conversation going with the girl. So it worked, it was fine, it was great. But that one time when she was like, oh yeah, some other guy said that to us earlier tonight actually. I was like, oh fuck. And I wasn't like, oh fuck, I just screwed it up with this girl. I'm like, oh fuck, it's burned. It's burned, I can't use that anymore. Right? Hi guys, Gareth here at a completely separate time but in the same place. We've worked out a great special treat for you which you can access by clicking the link below. Thanks for watching, keep going. So what you'll find is that stuff happens all the time. Hey, you're really pretty, hey, you're beautiful, can I buy you a drink? The reason why those things are super shitty and they will get you rejected is because girls hear them all the time because they are distillations of what you're actually thinking. If you go up to a girl and she's got amazing green eye shadow that's sparkly and she's like, we're in a t-shirt and jeans but she's like dump her makeup and something. If you go over and you think, wow, your makeup is incredible, you look so put together, you look like you're a dancer but you have this very daily look and it's such a contrast that I think is very beautiful, that's gonna blow our mind. But some of us don't have that practice. Some of us get worried about that. If you go up to her and you just go, wow, that's gonna be just as good, right? Because that's radical honesty. Radical honesty is the most important part. And a lot of you guys are like dead scared of that, very scared at this point in your journey, which is totally acceptable. So for some of you, I can say this is what you do and you're just like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. I gotta go do it right now. For others of you, the reason why I'm talking about this in such circles is because that is just as valid as going over to a girl and saying, hey guys, quick question, then I gotta get back to my friends who lies more when women are mad. But understand that there is no right. That's something that I had to learn after eight years of doing this. I had to learn that there is no right. There are things that are appropriate for situations but also there are things that are appropriate for you at different situations all the time. Another great example is escalation, right? Liam, Liam McCray, maybe you guys have seen the 21 convention video, he talks about physical escalation and he's great rapid physical escalation, awesome stuff. Never used most of it at all. I've never done that, I just never even thought. For those of you that do know me, you probably know me from my text to sex stuff in which I use language to turn a girl on so much that we can skip a lot of the social conventions. The whole point was that I used language over text to turn a girl on so much she'll just skip the first date and she'll just be like, yep, I'm coming over, whatever. Right, that was really, that was like 2008. That was before we even really had smartphones. I had a program called text to sex out there where like one of the subjects was talking about how long to make your message because she might not have as much data or get charged per text, but like that's how fucking long ago that was. And then they came out with Tinder and now apparently all you gotta do is Netflix and chill. And I was like, but I did, I taught, okay, all right. So this physical escalation for me was never really a thing and it wasn't because I thought it wasn't useful or whatever. It was just because I'm born out of necessity because I was going in and I was working so much on language that I was focused so much on language that I didn't even think about the whole physical aspect. I knew, you know, at that time I knew about kiss conditioning which is like touch a girl enough so when you kiss her it's not weird. But like for me, I just would go in and I'd be like, all right, now we're talking about stuff. Now we're making a slow transition to sexual or a quick transition into sexuality. And physical escalation is great. Obviously I do it all the time. I love it. It's a very valid thing. You can do it without even verbal escalation but for me, I don't need to touch a girl to be able to talk to her about literally having sex and until she's like, oh, let's just get out of here. Let's just go right now. So I was seeing this thing where Liam had the right answer and I had the right answer. And you know what's cool about that? Putting those two together is also the right answer. So there's all these different ways. There's all these different varieties of things like openers, things, I mean even conversation techniques, DHV stories, right? The case for DHV stories saying things, demonstration of higher value, stories that demonstrate that you are somebody to be chosen if you guys don't know. The case for DHV stories is great too. They're totally valuable. Who doesn't like hearing a person talk about interesting shit? I ran with the bulls this summer. Like in fucking Pamplona. People love talking about that because it's so interesting. But there are some schools of thought that are like, oh, you gotta learn DHV stories. And then there's other completely valid points of view from other PUA companies or seduction companies or whatever they wanna call themselves that are like, no, you're trying to entertain. You're trying to demonstrate higher value. Anytime you're trying to do something, it's not gonna go right, right? First rule being cool. Don't try to be cool. First rule being funny. Don't try to be funny. Oh shit, now what? So now what is the answer? Now that I've taken and said to you all very boldly that it all works, so don't worry about learning any of it. What is the answer? The answer is honesty. Whatever honesty it is. Whatever it applies to. So in your opener, maybe you wanna know who lives more women or men. Maybe you wanna get an opinion. Maybe you wanna tell that girl she's a knockout. Maybe you wanna walk over to that girl and say, hey, I have no idea what to say to you, but you know what? I wanna talk to you. You've got a great look or you look like you're having fun or you look like my future wife. I was just thinking about that. I was just fantasizing about that. You look so interesting. We just have a perfect relationship in my fantastical version of you. Nick was really, really smart when he was saying people for the most thing you said, at the beginning of relationships, you're not dating that person. You're dating your fantasy image of that person. Yeah, totally, totally, 100%. We can use that to our advantage, though. It can be a disadvantage, but we can use that to our advantage. Brent yesterday was talking about the idea that to get away from neediness, to get away from want, I think there's two ways to deal with want. Well, you're getting, you know, because he said wanting too much or needing too much. The key is not want or need. The key is too much. The important part is too much. There are two ways to deal with that. Number one, stop doing it, avoid it. Or number two, embrace it fully. Because you know what creepy is? Creepy is trying to get something after someone has already indicated they don't want to give it to you. That's what creepy is. If I'm sitting down with a girl and I'm like, hey, let's have anal sex tonight. And she's like, oh, you're a fucking weirdo. That could go one or two ways. I could drop it and say, oh, sorry, that was totally miscalibrated of me. But if I say, oh, come on, come on, let's do it. Come on, let me do it. Come on, you never let me do it. Then suddenly I'm creepy. That's the difference between creepy and something else, I don't know why I said that. The trick is honesty. So yeah, so we were talking about Brent's stuff. I agree. I learned at the very beginning to just avoid it. Pretend like, what was it? Just pretend like you're already sleeping with a bunch of girls. I think the things that I used to do, number one were visualize getting a blow job while you're talking to a girl. And then the other thing was pretend in your mind, to yourself, visualize that you actually can't sleep with that girl tonight because you've got another girl at home waiting for you. There's one way to do it. What about completely embracing it? Casanova, one of my favorite people in the entire planet. If you haven't read history of my life, go and do it. Obviously rent the abridged version or buy the abridged version. But he, when I read that book, I just saw a guy that was obsessed with being in love, that was always in love. And that's what I was. I didn't want to hide it. I didn't want to pretend I wasn't in love. And I did, but as I got better at this, I realized that, you know what? We shouldn't pretend anything. We should just go for it. 100% go for it. I was sitting at a restaurant in Austin with a girl that worked at a gentleman's club there that became a good friend of mine for a while. And she said, the thing about you is that you love every woman. Because I very sincerely believe there is something to love in every woman. There is something. Sometimes it's like quite a bit farther than the physical appearance, but there's something to love about every woman. And if you find that, she explained to me, she said, you love every woman. So women want to be loved by you. Can you imagine if that girl loved every guy in the club except you? That's where a lot of the play it cool, where a lot of the negging comes from. Because all the hot guys are trying to, or all the guys are trying to get with the hot girls. But if you're the one that's like, so what's so special about you? Then superficially, she goes, oh, I gotta fix that. So I was, I had this mentality where I was saying, geez, why hide it? Just embrace it, embrace every aspect of it. Unashamedly, do it so that you are embracing everything that you're feeling and just shooting it right at her. You're not trying to get anything from her. The problem is when you try to get stuff from her. You're like, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're incredible. Will you go out with me? That's when things go wrong. When you say, you're beautiful, you're incredible, I love you, you're wonderful, this conversation is amazing, I wanna take you out every day, let's go to Italy, let's get married, let's fuck it. Let's eschew convention, we'll get married right now, we'll have a billion babies who live in some weird cavern on our own, it'll be fine, it'll be perfect. She's not thinking, this guy wants to have babies too quickly. She's thinking, wow, what an amazing emotion, what an amazing situation, but that's not for everybody. And it's also not, maybe not where you're at right now. So how do we look back onto where we are at with our journey is we bring back that concept of honesty, honesty in your approach. Honesty in what you want, honesty in where you're going. All of the guys that are good at this stuff, that good teaching, that have sustainable results, that have replicable results and repeatable results, they all teach honesty. You will find that all of the stuff in the media about pickup artists being like shitty rapists and date rapists and stuff, they do not teach honesty. Honesty happens in every aspect, right? Not just about being honest with how attracted you are to a woman, but being honest about being awkward, being honest about being nervous with a woman. When was the last time you told the girl you were nervous? Or you were like, oh, I better hide from her the fact that I'm nervous so she'll think I'm cool. Do you know how successful you guys are at hiding that you're nervous? Like zero percent. You know how successful I am at hiding that I'm nervous? Not at all, not at all successful. Women and gays and people that work with children are like twice as good at interpreting non-verbal communication as we are. That means when you're going, yeah, the party was really fun. She doesn't believe it at all. Yeah, the party was really fun. What she sees is, no, it wasn't fun party. So when you're like, oh yeah, I'm totally, I'm so at ease right now. She's getting, oh jeez, of course, and it rubs off on her, right? When you forget what to say, right? Students, we had this rule in my boot camps. You're not allowed to ask me what to say to that girl, because hey, if you don't remember what I told you, what I suggested to you, what we worked on in the beginning, you have to go say, hey, I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you, but I'm here to talk to you. I'm a little bit nervous about that. Calling it out, right? James Marshalls taught me, sorry, sounded like I said James Marshalls. James Marshall taught me that awkwardness, or he has this phrase, awkwardness is two people pretending something isn't awkward, right? Great, active, oh shit, it's not just awkward, right? Uma Thurman in what's it, Pulp Fiction? It's like, you know how good it is when two people can just sit together and shut the fuck up? Yeah, super nice, quiet can be nothing. Quiet can be awkward, quiet can be sexual, quiet can be tension, that tension can be good. That's great, that honesty. Telling a girl you're nervous, telling a girl you've had a divorce, telling a girl you have kids, telling a girl you have an STD, being honest in that some of those, you know, may not be helpful, but that honesty is where you're going to make the most traction. If you're trying to hide something because you think she won't like it, so if you're trying to hide some part of you because you think she won't like it, even if it's just being honest with her, right? I'm using opener as an example just because it's so ever-present for everybody, right? If you're trying to hide something like you're nervous or that you like her boobs, right? When a woman, you know what's happened? If you see like a woman who's like a 10 and she's like on tall heels and she's got a tiny dress and she's got big, fake bolt-ons, if you walk up to that woman and you tell her she's got excellent posture, if that woman has a high level of social skill, meaning she's not just like, oh, thank you, because you're not like the owner of the club, if that woman has a high level of social skill, you've just demonstrated quite a bit of value because you've told that girl, wow, I really fucking like your body, but you've also shown her, but I know how to talk about it, but I also want you to know that I like your body and that I know how to talk about it, right? Oh fuck, there's like a billion levels to that, right? So what is that? At the core, that's honesty. So, so, so important. All of the guys that are good at teaching, all of these guys that you've seen will teach you honesty. Sometimes they will give you a line that is honest to them that may not be honest to you, but look a little bit deeper in that to find where that honesty comes from. So for instance, if I say, hey guys, quick question, then I gotta get back to my friends. I got this buddy and he's got a box of stuff from his ex-girlfriends. Now, his girlfriend, present girlfriend just found it or his wife just found it. And she freaked out and set fire to it. And now he's freaking out because A, she invaded his privacy, B, she destroyed his property, and C, now he doesn't have that stuff. Do you think a guy should even have that stuff? That was an opener I was eating like eight years ago, right? If you said that, that would be a lie, right? So we can't talk about that, right? We can't talk about a lie. We can't talk about, oh, that would be ingenuine and then she would, oh, that would be, okay, well, what if instead of saying I have this buddy, what if you just say, hey, what do you think about the situation where a guy has, and then tell a story? Suddenly it's true. So now it should work, right? Look into it. Look into a situation, whether it be a routine, whether it be a way to touch a woman, whether it be a verbal communication, whether it be an opener, whether it be an extraction excuse, no matter what it is, look into it and find what you can bring to yourself. What part of yourself can you bring to that element? Because that's where you're going to get success. That is the best way to apply all of this stuff because you will get conflicting information, right? Yesterday Robbie said, don't text that often. I completely disagree with that. I would text all the time. I'll send a billion texts to girls. Unlimited numbers because the trick is, for me, it's not about how many times you're texting, it's about what you're saying, right? And if what you're saying isn't super great or what you're saying isn't motivated by text or that you're not comfortable texting that much, you're not gonna be saying the right things and then it becomes an issue about not saying the right things. It doesn't have anything to do with how often you're texting, right? So this stuff is so, so, so important. And yesterday when I had this whole big speech planned out for you, I had tentatively called it what we owe women. And it was the idea that a lot of guys are really trying to hide and not confronting why it is that they wanna do this stuff, but I wanted to take it a step further. And I wanted to suggest that the idea of being honest is what we owe women. We owe them that dignity. We owe them that respect because otherwise we're not being honest with ourselves. We're not being honest with ourselves and bad things can happen, but that's a bit of a tangent. What we owe to women is the concept of accepting that we want to be better with them for good and wholesome reasons. I know a lot of you guys wanna bang hot chicks. I know a lot of you guys wanna like you, like if I said, if I put down your goals right now that there are big guys out there that are like I wanna have threesomes. There'd be guys out there that say I wanna fuck 100 girls. There'd be guys out there that say I wanna fuck tall blondes or 10s or whatever, right? What we owe it to ourselves to do is to find out why it is we want to do those things, right? There are great and lofty reasons I could expand upon about why I would like to have sex with Kate Upton, okay? A lot of them would be like, oh, how wonderful it is to align yourself in a sexual environment, exchanging emotions and passion with somebody that's beautiful and I believe it to be like the highest form of metaphysical pleasure. But like really it's just cause I wanna say I did. Yeah, she's hot, she's so hot, right? But like, but why would I wanna choose her specifically out of probably quite a few more attractive women? It's just so I could say I did. And a lot of you guys want to be with older women or younger women or threesomes or hot mother or whatever because you think that once you've done that that's demonstrated that you are now a different person, that you've now made changes, that you are now somebody that can fuck hot girls, that you've been chosen by a woman. Now, here's the thing, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't subscribe to the camp where like, oh, I wanna have sex with a bunch of girls, oh, that's bad, I don't believe in that. What I think is bad is when you're not honest about it. When you say, well, I wanna fuck hot girls is whatever guy wants, right? We all wanna fuck a bunch of hot girls. I literally went through my life for the last 12 years never being in an exclusive relationship because I was fucking hot girls. I was in a lot of open, long-term relationships but I had never been exclusive because I always wanted to fuck hot girls. Then I met my girlfriend that I've been with for like a year and a half, more than that now. And I had a real problem. We literally had an issue in our relationship where we broke up because she was like, I can't take the stress of you being away and being with other women, I can't do it. And I was like, too bad, bitch, I'm fuckin' out of the playboy. And we broke up because of that, literally. And I immediately felt sick and I called up my best friend and I was like, hey, this is what happened. And he was like, what? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, so you want to be with other people? And I was like, no. And he's like, well, why did you break up with her? I was like, well, so I can have those options because that's what guys do, right? I'm a fuckin' playboy. I want to always be able to bang much a chick. He's like, listen, if there's a hot chick right now, like, would you go sleep with her? And I was like, probably not. And he's like, why not? And I was like, because, you know, I got a good Caitlyn, I really like her. I'm just kind of, I don't know. It's not gonna be better than that. I'm really happy. He's like, okay, so let me get this straight. You broke up a situation that was good just in case a good situation comes along. And I was like, yes, I am an idiot. We'll call you back. And I called my girlfriend back and I was like, hey, sorry, art of the playboy, not art of the relationship. Gotta fix this. And that was a year ago. That was almost exactly a year ago because I was coaching in New York on the natural lifestyles workshop. And it was really hard for me to admit that I didn't actually want to fuck a bunch of girls. I have the benefit of being through a situation where I've been with many women and all different types of women and all different types of relationships. So it is a little bit easier for me to go, all right, no problem, I know this is better. But being honest with myself was so, so important. So if there's anything I want you guys to take away from this, and I know I didn't give you any bullet points to write down and go use in the future, and I am a bit sad about that, but if there's anything I want you to take away from this, I want you to understand that not only is being honest with yourself and being honest with women going to be easier, like technically it will be easier to tell her what you think of her than memorize that line. Then touch her where you feel like she wants to be touched than remembering some scale of where to touch her. But it is also going to be a million times more effective. It's going to be more effective, it's going to be more fun, it's going to get you where you want to be much quicker. Make no mistake, it will be scarier. You will be at a bar or at a club tonight or night in the future and you will think about what I said and you'll go, all right, all right, well, what do I do? I'll see, I'm going to look at a woman, I'm going to think about what it is that I want to say to her, I think about what makes her so beautiful and I'm going to go tell her and it'll be great. And then you'll be at the bar, you'll look at that girl and you'll be like, that's super fucking intimidating because of the lights and the three guys around her and the fact that I've had not enough to drink but now that I've had some things to drink I'm a little bit sloppy and I don't really want to, that's going to manifest as fear and that fear within you can talk some of you out of doing that. That's fine. Go home, write yourself out a stack. Write yourself out your openers that you want to use and your comfort leading questions and your sexual escalation tips and where you're going to go and where you're going to take her and then analyze that for honesty. Look at that for honesty. Say, do I really know a guy that needs to get better with Alaskan dogs? Maybe I should just say that's a story. Maybe I should work into that opener that I really think she's beautiful in some way. If you have to stop halfway through and say, wow, your eyes are ridiculously good looking. I don't know what's going on. That's great. We've been in that situation. I've looked at a beautiful woman and forgotten what the fuck I'm talking about but did I try to get back on track? Nope. I was just like, hey, sorry. I know this is a bit cheesy but I was just looking in your eyes and I forgot what I was trying to say. How good would that make you feel? Awesome, right? Let's bring that opportunity. So that honesty is going to make things easier for you. It will be scary. I hope that you'll push through that fear but I guarantee you, you will come out on top and if there's anything I can give you for this journey that maybe started now, maybe started a few years ago, maybe started a few months ago, take that with you through that journey and you'll never be the subject of that, you know, the PYBAD media, all the stuff where the feminists are like, oh, PYBAD or whatever, seducers are bad, however you want to term it. You'll never be subject to that and most of all, that feeling of being ingenuine, of kind of sticky, if some of you guys have said some things that feel gross and feel weird and I don't really like that, it feels awkward, we had a guy doing an opener on our boot camp from, we gave him openers and he went up there and then he wasn't sticking it with girls and we were like, what the hell? He was using some opener from some other company that was the I wanna rape you opener. Yeah, well it's direct, right? You can't not be director of your pussy, right? So it's like, whoa, you'll never get that feeling of sticky, of gross, of bad, of weird. When you fail or when you eject or when you get rejected, when that happens, you will always go, well, at least I tried and I guarantee you that will recover things quicker and make you feel better about yourself so that you enjoy the process. That's it. All right, let's give it up for Bill Jones. He's got questions for him, do you have any questions? Yeah. For questions. Anybody have any questions about anything? Very impressive, gotta say. Thank you. I really enjoyed it. Just the whole brutally honest thing is really difficult, I feel like. It's just like, you know, meeting a girl and being, you know, giving her a compliment about how she looks, you know, physical appearance and being brutally honest and say, hey, you know what? Can I really tell her, hey, I wanna bring her back right now and bang her on the spot? Is that really a practical, you know, way of applying things? Is it really the way I should approach it being brutally honest? Or is there a way of, you know, figuring out where to be calibrated? How do you become really calibrated? Okay, two questions, right? Calibration is a big thing. Calibration is practice and awareness. That's what you guys are learning. Calibration is just what you're learning because sex is a thing that's gonna naturally happen that's happened to all of our parents at least once. That's very, very important. The other thing is there's a bit of trick in your language, right? So you use the phrase a couple times brutally honest, right? That's super important. Why is it brutal? Why are you being brutal with that one? That's not brutal. This is honesty. But let me ask you a question. If you are unsure whether or not you're gonna bang that girl on your counter, it would not be honest to tell her that you are going to do it. What is honest is that you want to. So let's say that you asked me, is it acceptable to ask a girl or to tell a girl by being, by the concept of being honest that you really want to bang her on your counter? That's when we get into the issue of calibration. That is the difference between while you've got big tits and I like looking at them and while you have excellent posture, right? So on our workshops, we talk about, so there's a quick answer and a long answer and the quick answer is a portion of what that you need to be taught in order to figure this out but I think it'll help you move forward. The, or that's the long answer, I'm sorry. And the quick answer is just practice. You just got to learn. You just got to go out, talk to lots of girls, find out where your escalation is but everybody says that's not really helpful, right? The long answer is that language is a very big part of our interactions with women and a great way to find out where you are at with this woman in terms of sexual development or sexual desire or whatever is to look at the language. I believe that in order to get sexual with a woman, you progress through a series of very notable stages. So we start with a woman we're having platonic conversation, okay? That's what we're doing. We're gonna move from platonic conversation into romantic conversation. Once you're having romantic conversation, things like talking about first dates, talking about first kisses, then you're moving into sensual conversation. Sensual conversation is anything that has to do with the senses, right? Like candlelight and touch and smell, nice smells, nice sounds. Then we're moving into sexual conversation. Then it's fine to say things like how badly you want to do that, to fucker, to grabber, to taker or whatever. The other element of that answer has to do with your intentions, okay? And a lot of guys teach this as intent. If your intent is to fuck a girl before you know enough about her to want her, right? So the example that I always give, and this is a great question, is every guy looks at a hot girl and goes, oh, I wanna fuck that girl. But is there something that you could learn about her that would make you not wanna fuck her? Anybody? Could you be? What is it? Let's say, I was just gonna repeat it, sorry. If she has like an STD or something. That's the answer. Sorry we made you run all the way over there, Steve. Jesus, $8 an hour and he's running all over the place. It's one of those things where if you know she has an STD, you don't wanna fuck her, right? Boom. So you don't actually know if you wanna fuck her. You have to go through this phase of qualification, finding out all about her, finding out exactly, and the thing about doing that qualification is that while you're qualifying and while you're finding out about her, she's getting more and more turned on. She's getting more and more attracted to you. That's where we're naturally progressing through those phases of verbal escalation or in some cases physical escalation. But I find verbal is really easy to identify and easy to teach about as a separate way. So together put through these stages are slow progressions or quick progressions, but they are progressions that eventually will open up new doors that allow you to express more honesty. Does that make sense? There you go. That's all the time we got. Sorry man. Let's give it up for Gareth. Thank you. Hey guys, Gareth. Congratulations on making it all the way through. If you're like me, you've probably binge watched a whole bunch of these videos and you really appreciate the platform it's being brought on. So make sure you like and subscribe to this channel. And for more information on me, check out artoftheplayboy.com. Thanks again.