 RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music and first in television, presents the Phil Harris Alice Faye Show. Your enjoyment here is the Phil Harris Alice Faye Show, written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Ruse and Whitfield, Walter Sharf and his music, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Today, Phil's chance meeting with a little boy in a parking lot completely changes both their ideas of Christmas. But first, a word from RCA Victor. Two nights before Christmas and all through the house, there's a feveric excitement with everyone wrapping presents or finishing up Christmas shopping left to the last minute. In any case, it will be a very lucky family who will find an RCA Victor superset, like the Whitfield, with a ribbon around it and under the tree on Christmas morning. And if you haven't thought of it before, there's probably still time to get the Whitfield. It's a magnificent superset that brings you television with picture power for clearer, stronger, steadier pictures deep in the city or far in the country. So remember the name of this beautifully styled 17-inch table model superset, the Whitfield. It's the gift that keeps on giving, a gift the whole family will enjoy all year round. Remember the name, RCA Victor, cornerstone of home entertainment for three generations. And now the stars of the RCA Victor program, Alice Faye and Phil Harris. With only a few days left till Christmas, the Harris family has gone to a local department store to do some last minute shopping. While Alice is looking around for some gifts, Phil has taken the children to the toy department to see Santa Claus. And if you're a good little girl, I'll bring you all the things you asked for. And now then, who's next? I am Santa. Aren't you a little old for this sort of thing, Sonny? Look, don't give me no trouble, Nick. Just take my order. Now look, I want two doll houses, two dolls to make believe stoves and two sewing machines. Two of everything, eh? Uh-huh. And another thing, I want two blue party dresses with pink ribbons. Are you and your twin sister going to a formal dinner? Look, don't be a comic. There's one thing I can't stand. It's a wise Chris Cringle. Just give me my order. No, please, there are a lot of children waiting now. I have to take care of the next little boy in line. Well, now then, Sonny, what do you want to bring? I want a fountain pen, an adding machine, and a green celluloid eye shade. What did I do to deserve these big jerks? Now, if you two apes don't get out of here, I'll call the manager and I'll beat it. You're a nasty old man. You're right, Willie, and I bet he beats his reindeer. Look, mister, those things I ordered are not for me. My two kids sent me up to ask for them. What's the matter? They too stupid to speak for themselves? One more crack out of you, and I'll punch you right in your big, fat pillow. Daddy, please, you're embarrassing us. You can't talk to Santa Claus that way. Oh, this is not the real one. The head man is up the North Pole. This guy's just a no-talent road company. Well, look, if your kids want to order anything, you let them talk for themselves. Well, now then, my little darling, what would you like to have for Christmas, besides a new father? A doll, a make-believe stove, and a sewing machine. And my sister wants me to tell him myself. Very well, little honey. And what would you like for Christmas, my sweet little darling? Have you got any good head-shrinking sets? If you promise to use it on your father, I'll get some. That does it. I'm not going to stand around here and be insulted. Now, look to me, mister. Please, there are a lot of children waiting to see me. Well, they won't be for long. Fellow children, if you want to see a good Santa Claus, go to Sax Fifth Avenue. And don't sit on this one's lap. He's got bony knees. Come along now. You're causing a scene here. All right, but I can't stand it. Come on, let's get out of here. Daddy, I hope you didn't make a mistake. What do you mean? That's the real Santa Claus. We're dead. Oh, honey, didn't you notice that every department store has a Santa Claus? They're just helpers. The real one doesn't show up until Christmas Eve. And then he'll come flying through the sky, calling to his reindeer. And then he'll glide in and land on our roof. Tell me more, Philip. I'm not talking. Daddy, you told us we'd see the real Santa. May we stay up Christmas Eve and see him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Look, Willie, take the kids home. Oh, very well, Philip. And I'll wait here for Alice. In the meantime, I think I'll join Frankie over at the toy counter. Wonder what he's buying at that toy counter. What kind of a doll did you say you wanted, sir? You heard me. I want a doll that's five foot two, has red hair, and walks with a wiggle. They don't make toys like that. Who's talking about a toy? What are you doing tonight, honey? I have to take my grandmother out. I'll bring along a date for her. I have a friend just about her age. Remly. Here he is now. Girlie, how would you like it? No. I ain't doing no grandma sitting. Remly, what's the matter with you? Why do you always try to go on the? Phil, help me with these packages, will you? Oh, sure, honey, sure. Hi, Alice. Looks like you bought a lot of presents. Oh, I did. And I have one for you, too, Frankie. You bought me a Christmas present? Oh, Alice, you shouldn't have done it. Which package is mine? I think it's this one under my arm. I'll get it. Frankie, you shouldn't grab it. Oh, Alice, just what I always wanted, a bag of money. Give me back my purse. Oh, sorry, Alice. Here's your purse. Now give me back the money. Can I just hold it for a while? It's so warm and comforting. No. Well, where is my present, Alice? It must be with the packages I put in the car. Oh, come on, let's go out to the parking lot. I'm anxious to see it. Hey, by the way, Alice, I promised the girls I'd let them stay up and see Santa on Christmas Eve. Oh, Phil, why did you do that? Well, honey, I was on the spot I had to. Hey, but look, don't worry. I'll get somebody to play Santa. Why get anybody to play Santa? Well, what else am I going to do? Well, let the kids stay up and see the real Santa Claus. Well, I don't know what time he's got. Could I have that again, Herman? Why don't you let the kids see the real Santa Claus? Remly, you've got to stop using hops in your bubble bath. I'm going to call somebody later, Phil. Oh, here's our car. Open the door, Frankie, and you'll find your present on the back seat. Oh, boy. I can't wait. There ain't no packages here. What, are you a wise guy or something, Alice? Oh, what are you talking about? I put them right here myself on the, oh no, they're gone. Somebody stole them. A likely story. You never did have anything for me. Frankie, you did it. The lights, some people don't. Frankie, all of the other presents were stolen too. I don't care about the others. I want my present. Get it for me, or I'll have a tantrum. I'll lie down on the sidewalk and kick my feet. That's what I'll do. I will. I will. Wait a minute. Frankie, please control yourself. And don't you worry that thief who stole your present will regret it. He will? Yes. As soon as he opens the box, the rat and snake will bite him. Rattlesnake? You fiend. Phil, this is awful. All those wonderful Christmas presents I got. I bought the children beautiful mama dolls, and I, oh, this is terrible. I'm going in and report this to the manager. Yeah, go ahead, honey. I don't blame her. I'd like to get my hands on whoever stole those packages. Maybe they weren't stolen. Maybe Alice put them in the wrong car. You know, some blondes aren't too smart. Yeah, yeah. Well, then let's look in the next car. OK. Hey, Curly, I was right. Here are your packages in this car. Well, then good. Start handing them out. Right. Curly, did Alice buy anybody an aquarium? I don't know. Why? There's a bowl here with fish in it. Well, then hand it out. I'll see if there's a card on it. OK. Here you are, Curly. Take it easy. It's heavy. All right. Be careful handing it over now. Look out. It's kind of slippery. Drop that bowl, you tie thieves. Julius, now look what you made me do. That's my fish bowl. What do you got? Now, wait a minute, Julius. We can explain. Don't talk to me, you guppy snatchers. Ha ha ha ha ha. Park and lot. Well, we're sorry, Julius. Don't stand there. Stop making such a fuss over a few landlocked goldfish. I'll pay you for them. That's better. Let's have to go. How much did they cost? $1,300. $1,300 for goldfish? When I buy a kid, beat it. Beat it, he says. He's ransacking me car and he wants me to beat it. We ain't ransacking your car. Somebody stole presents out of my car and we thought these was them. Catch this crook. Did you hear that? Yeah, it sounded like a momma doll. What about it? Didn't Alice say she bought a couple of momma dolls for the kid? Where did that sound come from? That little girl over there is holding a momma doll. Remly, we got our crook. What crook? The kid's only five years old. The doll probably belongs to him. Why? That kid's a criminal type if I ever saw one. Look at that low forehead, dumb beady eyes. The receding chin, the scar on her cheek. And the cauliflower ears and the wax mustache. Will you keep out of this? Just hold it a minute, Remly. I'll go over and question her. Now careful, Curly. Press her first. She may be carrying a knife. Or a sharp lollipop. Go home, will you? Now look, Remly. Let me grill her. Fellas, you can't grill a five-year-old kid. Why not? It ain't an even match. Mentally, she's got two years on you. Look, Julius, I'm warning you for the last time. You either get her. Curly, ignore him. Let's question the suspect. Well, then you better let me handle this, Remly. The kid will probably deny it. And it's going to take some shrewd questioning to get it out of her. But watch me. Hey, you. You want me, mister? Yeah. I want to ask you a few questions. Remly, turn the headlights on her. Right, Chief. While you're a questioner, I'll take down her confession. And I'll start beating her with a rubber hoe. I told you to go home, go home. Now then, sister, how long have you been stealing things out of cars? I didn't steal anything. Oh, now. How old are you? I'm five. What's your name? G. David. Where do you live? 22 Maple Street. Where do you live? 43 Encino Boulevard. What's your name? Phil Harris. How old are you? 28. You've been stealing things out of cars. Well, I started when I was 11, but it was my fault. My dad needed beer money. And wait a minute. I didn't steal nothing. I'm questioning you. And I don't believe your story. In the first place, you're lying about your age. Look who's talking. Curly, you're not doing very good in living hell. Look, Mal, where'd you get this doll? My grandpa gave it to me. Now we're getting someplace. Who's your grandpa? He's the chief of police. You're a witness, Curly. I know. I wouldn't touch her with a fork. Hey, look, take your doll and get lost, kid. Hit the road. I'm going to tell my grandpa and you. Well, wait a minute, kid. Don't be a stool pigeon. Gee. Hey, I'll tell you what, honey. If you keep this quiet, I'll sing you a Christmas song. Which one? Well, would you like to hear me sing Jingle Bells? Not especially. You're going to hear it anyway. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Whoa, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Whoa, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh. Or the fields we go laughing all the way. Bells on Bobcat ring, they're making spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing a sleigh song tonight. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Hey, whoa, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Whoa, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. But they are two-ago, I thought I'd take a ride. And soon the salisfe was seated by my side. The horse was lean and like, misfortune seemed his lot. He got into a drifted bank and we got up soft. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey, hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in an open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. What did you think of my singing? What fun is that cop? Carly, come here. Let's look in the car on the other side. OK, I'll look. Hey, fellas, fellas, I talked to the manager and he, Phil, what are you doing in that car? Well, we thought maybe you put the packages in the wrong car. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, hey, there are a lot of packages in here. Alice, did you buy somebody a machine gun for Christmas? Oh, now, don't be silly. Well, there's one in here. I'll hand it out and show you. Drop that Tommy Gunnarow, blow your brains out. Well, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't. Hey, is that you, Harris? It's Grogan. Who else? Yeah. Hey, what are you doing here, Grogan? Going in to do my Christmas shopping. I always shop in this place. Well, then, what are you sitting in the car for? I'm waiting for the store to close. That way, I get it for less than wholesale. You going shopping here, too? No, we already did, ours. But somebody stole all the gifts out of our car. Oh, how low can a person get? Things like that make me mad at Christmas time. Now, you just tell me how many packages have been stolen and I will see that they are replaced. Now, how are you going to replace them? I'll go on and steal them from the other cars. Why not? Somebody steals presents from you, you'll steal presents from them. That's the Christmas spirit. That's the Christmas spirit? Yeah, sure. You know what he's all saying? It is better to take than to buy. After all, you can't. Phil, say, Phil, look. What is somebody sneaking out of that car with an awful of packages? That's our man. Come on, Remly. You get on one side and I'll get on the other and we'll grab him. Come on. I got him, Colonel. All right, hold him. Don't let him get away. Let go of me, you guys. Oh, Phil, it's a little boy. Tell them to let go of me, lady. Hey, kid, what's the idea of stealing things out of cars? I wasn't stealing them. I was only borrowing them. Now, why didn't I think of that alibi the last time I got it? Hey, kid, what do you mean borrow them? I just wanted them for Christmas. I never get nothing than the other kids do. And this Christmas, I wanted something to play with. But you didn't have to steal. Like Christmas Eve, Santa Claus will bring you all the toys you want. What Santa Claus? Another skeptic, huh? Look, kid, I tell you, there is a Santa Claus. Then why don't he ever come to my house? Well, maybe you have a narrow chimney and he can't fit in it. Maybe a television antenna sticks up on a roof. He can't let us rain it. Will you please, man? Kids in enough trouble. Look, Sonny, let me ask you something. What are you doing out by yourself? Where are your folks? I ain't got no folks. Oh, well, look, kid, look, Son, you put the presents back and then I'll buy you some. What do you say to that? What's the gimmick, mister? Well, what do you mean gimmick? What's in it for you? Nobody ever gave me anything for nothing. Yeah, I like your spirit, kid. Tell you what, I'll buy you the presents. I am going to see to it that you have a merry Christmas. I don't want nothing from you either. Now, look, kid, either you are going to let me give you a merry Christmas or I'll knock your little roof in. You and who else? Ah, that's my kind of kid. Look, we'll put the presents back and then Mr. Harris and me, we will go out and buy you everything you want. What are you trying to do, ruin Santa's big night? He'll bring the kid all the presents he needs. Hey, mister. Yeah? Did you ever see Santa Claus? Well, yeah, sure. I see him every year. How'd you like to see him? Are you kidding? No. Mr. and Mrs. Harris have two kids and they're going to wait up and see Santa this year. Why don't you come over to their house and see him with them? What are you trying to do? He can't come over to the house and see if it's true. But, gee, mister, can I please come over to your house? Well, uh, I. Of course you can, son. Now you return the presents and we'll take you home with us. Thanks, lady. I'll be right back. Oh, Alice, can't you see now this kid's going to be disillusioned. Oh, no, he won't, Phil. You said you were going to hire someone to play Santa for our children. Yeah, that's right. That way you'll get to see him. And I'll tell you something. I'm going to hire the best Santa that money can buy. Hire a fake Santa if you want to, but keep him out of the way of the real one and there's going to be trouble. Hurry up, kid. We're ready to go home. Oh, Alice, this is awful. How much trouble can you get into? Here it is Christmas Eve and I couldn't get anybody to play Santa Claus for the kids. I called everybody. Don Wilson, Don Quinn, Andy Devine. Curly, look, for the last time, I tell you, you don't need anybody. Frankie, don't you understand? It's not just my own kids I'm concerned about. But that little boy, he has all of his hopes pinned on seeing Santa. He'll see him. Now stop talking. Put these things on a mantle. What's this for? It's milk and cookies for Santa. I put them on a metal form every year. All right, put them up there. Put them up there. OK. Remly, can't you see I'm in trouble with this little kid? Daddy, when is Santa Claus coming? Yeah, it's almost 11 o'clock. Where is he? Are you sure he's coming? Well, well, you see children, he'll be here soon. Oh, Frankie, look, kids. See, Santa might be awfully late getting here, so I'll tell you what. Let me tell you a Christmas story, and then will you run off to bed? Well, all right, Daddy. But gee, we wanted so much to see him. Yeah, you promised me. All right. Maybe next year. Now gather around me, kids, and I'm going to tell you a beautiful Christmas story. You ready? It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. I thought I heard sleigh bells. No. The children were nestled, all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced through their heads. Hey, Alice, what are those bells? What's the? Quiet, Curly. Fair place. It's Santa Claus, the real one. Gee. There is a Santa Claus. But I- Merry Christmas, Santa. Frankie, who are you talking to? I don't see anybody. The kids do. Look at him. Mr. Ramley, you were right. Gee, Santa, we knew you'd come. We were waiting all evening for you. Well, sure we've been very good girls. Oh, what a lovely dollhouse. Thank you. Just what I wanted, roller skates. And all these things are for me? Can I open them now? All right, Santa. I'll wait till morning. Thank you very much. And the Merry Christmas to you too, Santa. Of course, we'll tell them. Merry Christmas. And goodbye, Santa Claus. Frankie, I don't get it. I heard it, but I didn't see him. Of course you didn't. He sure is nice looking, old gent. Alice, did you see him? Well, I'm not sure, Phil. I almost thought I saw him standing by the fireplace. But Alice, how could it be if he was standing there? Phil, Phil, what are you staring at? The mantle, Alice, the milk and cookies. They're gone. Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. Paint Your Wagon has been acclaimed by critics as one of the top musicals to hit Broadway in years. And now, RCA Victor brings you the hit songs of this show with its original show cast. With James Barton, Olga San Juan, and Tony Bavar, RCA Victor's new Paint Your Wagon album is superb. It gives you such beautiful melodies as I still see Elisa, another autumn, the rousing Carino Mio, and I talk to the trees. And the words and music are written by the same combination of Alan J. Lerner and Frederick Lowe, who brought you Brigadune. Yes, RCA Victor's Paint Your Wagon album is good news. Stop in at your RCA Victor record dealers tomorrow and get your copy of this album. It will make a wonderful Christmas present because it's the gift that keeps on giving. Buy it in any of three record speeds. The new Paint Your Wagon album on RCA Victor records. And now, here's wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas from RCA Victor. Folks, this is Phil again. Please remember what a wonderful job you're doing every time you buy Christmas seals. Let's all help fight tuberculosis. Alice and I and our entire cast add our wishes for your holly, holiday happiness. I started to say Hollywood happiness. Oh, that's good too. Hollywood happiness and holiday happiness. Merry Christmas, everybody. Thanks and good night. And Merry Christmas, everybody. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips. Remember, whether you're buying a television set, a radio, a spectrophonograph, or record, put your faith in the cornerstone of American home entertainment for three generations. RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in television. Next, Theater Guild on the Air stars Rex Harrison on NBC.