 If you're somebody who's stuck in the friend zone, it's most likely because you're extremely selfish and self-centered. That's right, I said it. So make sure that you stick around as we discuss why that is. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And first off, let's take a second to admire my new setup. You are viewing me in a brand new camera. I got my little bookshelf, my little sign right here with different topics. Don't forget to like and subscribe, you know what I'm saying? But anyways, now that that's over, welcome back to another video on my playlist called The Broken Picker. This whole playlist is about dating relationships, how to have better relationships, how to find better people to date, because this all has to do with our mental health. And today, as you've seen, we're going to be talking about the friend zone. So if you're somebody who complains about always being stuck in the friend zone, or you know people who always complain about being stuck in the friend zone, this is the video for you. So make sure that you try to share it with other people because I'm going to give you some very valuable lessons. First off, what makes me the right guy to talk about the friend zone is because I used to be the king, the king of the friend zone. If this was Game of Thrones, I would be sitting on top of the Iron Throne in the friend zone kingdom, okay? I was the master of the friend zone. And every time I'd get stuck in the friend zone, I would sit there and I'd get into self pity and I would just cry and I would wind all of my friends into myself and just curse the world. It's like, why doesn't she like me? Why? I'm such a good guy. Why don't women just like nice guys? I just don't get it. And this might sound like you or might sound like some of those white knights that you know, right? So the good news is that once I started to work on my mental health, I never got stuck in the friend zone again. And no, this isn't one of those like relationship videos that like all these like dating experts give, like how they never get caught in the friend zone again. It's going to be talking about the idea of selfishness, self-centeredness, as well as something called self-seeking. So self-seeking is a vocabulary word that I really want you to learn, okay? Understanding what self-seeking was is something that completely changed the way that I view different situations and it greatly improved my mental health. So self-seeking is a synonym for self-serving. Self-seeking, the way I look at it is we're only doing something expecting something in return. So whenever we're doing something nice for other people, we're always doing it with some kind of underlying motive behind it, okay? And a lot of times we're doing this without even realizing it. It's completely subconscious and most of the time when we're self-seeking, we're seeking an emotion, right? Or a feeling or credit or gratitude. These are the things that we're seeking, right? So we're never doing anything with pure intentions and oftentimes that sets up expectations and it also sets us up for failure. So for those of you who aren't following me quite yet, let's talk about self-seeking and I'll use myself as an example, but you might be able to relate to this. All right, so back in the day, self-seeking Chris, friend zone Chris, white night Chris, okay, back in the day, let's say that I'm, you know, I find this girl attractive and I decided that I'm going to ask her out on a date and she's like, okay, Chris, let's go out on a date. I'm like, nice, let's do this. So I drive over to her house and I go and I walk up to her door and I knock on the door and I'm like, oh my god, you look so beautiful tonight and she's like, thank you, okay. So I walk her down to my car, I open up the door of my car, I let her in, I close the door behind her, I drive away and we go to a restaurant and this isn't just any restaurant, this is a nice restaurant, this is an expensive restaurant that women are sure to love, right? And we go there and when we get there, I pull her chair out for her and I scoot her in and we sit down and we have great conversation, I compliment her some more, she even laughs, she's like, Chris, you're so funny and I'm like, yeah, I know girl, right? So we finish up dinner, we leave, I drive her back to her place, I run around the car and I open up the door and I let her out of the car and I walk her back up to the door and I say good night and she says, thanks Chris, I had a really good time and she gives me a hug and she goes inside and I get pissed, right? I'm like, what? Are you serious right now? Then meanwhile, my friends are texting me on my phone, they're like, hey Chris, how'd the date go? And I'm sitting there, I'm like, can you believe this? I was a perfect gentleman all night, I was so nice and kind and I complimented her and I took her to this nice restaurant and all these other things, right? And all she gave me was a hug good night, can you believe this, right? And then all of a sudden, next thing you know, I'm stuck in the friend zone. Well, here's the problem with that entire scenario. I was being self-seeking the entire night. So part of this whole friend zone idea is that somebody owes us something, that when we're being a gentleman, when we're just being a legitimate good person, that they're supposed to give us something in return and that is self-seeking. That is setting ourselves up to have these expectations of what people owe us just for being a decent human being. And it's really kind of scummy when you think of it like that. So the first thing that I had to do to start working on this was to become really self-aware really quick. I had to start analyzing all my situations and all these friend zone scenarios and start to realize like, whoa, I'm only doing things expecting something in return. I had to really reflect and kind of take an inventory on myself and be like, okay, I'm not really a nice guy to be a nice guy. Heck, I'm only a nice guy because I'm trying to get something in return. And I'll do other videos on this, but this is specifically about relationships. I was never pursuing a girl or talking to a girl or being nice to a girl unless I was trying to get something in return. So the next thing I had to do after being self-aware about what was happening was I had to start realizing how crazy I was acting. See, part of this whole dilemma of the friend zone is that we get all offended and defensive and we don't get it. We don't understand why when somebody doesn't reciprocate our attraction to them. I had to realize that not every woman I pursue is going to be attracted to me, whether it's physically, whether it's my personality, whether like no matter what it is. And I had to realize like that's okay. The way that I realized that that was okay was I did some more self-reflecting and I realized like Chris, are you attracted to literally every girl on earth? The answer is no. I have a type, there are things that I look for in a personality. So why am I holding women to a higher standard than I have myself, right? So I had to start to learn that it's okay if somebody doesn't like me, all right? And that's totally fine. And I'm going to do some more videos on this because I do have a multitude of female friends. And one of the scummiest things that I see guys doing is they're like message a girl on a dating app. She doesn't reply or she's not into them. And the guy just starts talking trash to them. Like that is nuts. That is crazy. So my suggestion is, is that if there is a person, and by the way, women can get caught up in this too, if there is a man or a woman or whoever that you're attracted to, and you get stuck in the friend zone, like it's okay. Move on. We are on a planet with 7.6 billion people. That's a billion with a B. All right. And it's okay. Move on. A lot of our suffering happens is when we get stuck onto the idea that this is the only person that's going to be right for me. Like if you really analyze your past, like I'm sure there's plenty of people that you had to think for in the past, and it either didn't work out or never would have worked out and you realized it, this is just another drop in that pond. So please try to remember that. The other thing that's really helped me about getting rid of this whole friend zone idea is that I'm no longer only talking to women just because I'm attracted to them. And what it's helped me do is build even more relationships and get a lot more friends. Like now I'm not only talking to a girl who I think is cute or pretty or anything like that. I have legitimate friends who are female, where there is nothing else aside from that. You know what I mean? And then, you know, I put them in one category. These are my friends who are females and that's okay. And then I met somebody wonderful like my girlfriend, where, you know, she is one of my best friends. But obviously there was an attraction and we pursued past that friend zone. You see what I'm saying? So I think that's a problem like more so with guys. A lot of guys have that problem and it's because they only talk to women if they are somehow attracted to them. All right? So anyways, I want to know your thoughts. I want to know what you guys think about friend zoning. All right? I want to know if you've been stuck in it or if you know people who are or even ladies out there. I'm hoping you can relate to this video. Maybe you share it with some guys that you know. Like what is your experience with people complaining about being stuck in the friend zone? Make sure you leave them down in the comments below. All right? But anyways, anyways, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you like my new setup I got going on here, make sure you give it a double thumbs up. All right? And if you're new here, I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being. Make sure you click that little round subscribe button and to check out some more videos, click or tap on the thumbnail over there. Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time.