 hi guys it's Monica in this video I'm actually going to do the tag that Susan the little poet did which is the eight questions and it's all about the road to beautiful truth confessions you name it so I decided to film some of this outside as long as I guess it doesn't get too noisy from the neighbors but I really thought about this tag and I really hesitated to do it because I was afraid it would bring up a lot of emotions and you know it says truth right confessions right so yeah truth and confession so the first one is as a child did I feel beautiful and I'll answer that in a moment so stay tuned this is tease wasn't it oh my gosh sorry I had forgot to pause for the intro and if you're new to my channel please consider subscribing I truly appreciate it and all of you regular viewers to subscribe who come and visit me in every video no matter how good or bad or indifferent it is I appreciate every single one of you so back to the tag did I feel beautiful as a child so this is not gonna be a surprise to most of you if you know me you know that I love my Barbie dolls I still have my Barbie dolls displayed in my in my you see it when I'm filming you see them in the background so I still have all my Barbie dolls displayed I'm trying to get a better light here and see the woods not not such a pretty background I'll keep walking but anyway so I I still have all my Barbie dolls displayed so I grew up with Barbie and I'm not gonna blame Barbie for how I feel about beauty because I don't really I don't think it has a thing to do with it but I was always more midge than Barbie I love my Barbie I absolutely loved my Barbie I was always more midge I was the brown haired freckle-faced gawky person never considered pretty never considered beautiful by any stretch but it was always a good friend I was always that good friend but when I was really little and I grew up and I went to grade school I had Barbie Barbie was my companion and because I'm an immigrant when I first went to school I had a very heavy accent I was different everyone knew I was different and the school system it wasn't the same as today you know with the special needs classes and the extra help and the things that people would do to help you get settled in or get used to an environment it wasn't like that at all so here I was an immigrant child right and I I didn't fit in I spoke different I looked different in most cases my mom made my clothes she didn't buy any clothes she made it handmade clothes and it was beautiful clothes but certainly it wasn't the store bought stuff so I got teased horribly because that was the second question or part of the first question did I feel beautiful it was I ever teased as a child I was teased horribly when I first started school in America now I mentioned that I really loved my Barbie dolls and my Barbie dolls was basically my closest friends really and because I was teased so bad in school I think I just kind of like built a wall around me so to speak but the end of the first part of school September to December it was it was horrible I was the new person I sounded weird the whole nine yards and then around Christmas time everyone started to be nice to me you know the kids the other kids they were nice to me they were they were talking to me and I was like I'm accepted you know I was I was like thrilled I was having friends and and I was happy and things of that nature and so right around right before the day we were leaving school for Christmas break the day we were leaving school for Christmas break they were we were all outside waiting for the bus and the group of my tour mentors who were very friendly to me came up to me and they had a wrapped present and they said we have a present for you I was like dumbstruck I was like I was like really a present for me I just I just couldn't I couldn't believe it and they said yeah and they handed me a box that was wrapped and they said go ahead open it open it so I started to open it and I could see it was one of those you know the old Barbie doll boxes the long skinny Barbie doll boxes I could see it was a Barbie doll at the box and I was like I was getting like so excited and I could hear them laughing you know they were all starting to laugh a little bit and now and I didn't quite I didn't quite get it until I opened the box they cracked up laughing inside the box with some money coins mostly and a note and the note said I'll never forget it I can still visualize it the note said we got up a collection to send you back where you belong you dirty Nazi grout I was like I was like I didn't know what to do you know I think I just I just put it I just put a smile on my face I didn't know what else to do I didn't want anyone to see me cry I didn't want anyone to see that they hurt me so I just I just put a smile on my face but inside inside it was hot broken I was totally hot broken inside and I was like I couldn't I couldn't believe that I actually fell for the fact that I thought they were actually getting me a gift that I thought I was actually getting accepted I couldn't believe I thought that and you know to this day I do know some of those people some of those kids they've grown up I don't hold it against them I don't I and I have forgiven and I have and I have forgotten that's a lie when I said this is truth right I haven't forgotten I believe I've forgiven and I put it in the right place but I think to this day that is why I am such an advocate for the underdog I don't I don't like to see people teased I don't like to see people hurt I don't like to see people abused I'm just a total advocate for the underdog I always root for the underdog and and I think it's why I was never picked to be on a sports you know nobody ever said Red Rover Red Rover send Monica right over I never got picked for that stuff but that's alright it made me I think a better person but when I read Susan's questions and it said where you picked on as a child I said I don't know if I can really tell the truth I don't know if I can really say those words but I did so yeah I have forgiven I have forgotten well that's a lie like I said I definitely have forgiven I don't hold it against any of them and when I see them today as adults they probably don't even remember yeah I really never felt beautiful and I really I guess I'll never forget the teasing and that shaped me I think into the person that I am today good, bad or indifferent it made me who I am and that's okay so I think the next question was men value a certain you know three traits in a woman and I think that question holy moly do I what do I think those traits are that men value in a woman I I'll tell you I think most men want they want their woman to be independent to a certain degree but they also want them to be dependent on them I think men need to feel like not like they're in charge because my husband never feels that way but to feel like they're taking care of somebody that they're taking care of their wife or their family so you know and I don't think that like Jay does not want me dependent on him I don't think as far as I know and I don't think most men want that either I think they do value independence to a certain degree but I also think that they value appearance a lot so yeah independence I think appearance is huge and I mean it's the same thing we value appearance in our in our men you know in our our men we want them to look as good as they possibly can and I'm sure that you know they they feel the same way I'm sorry that my camera's shaking I'm outside walking and I don't know why I decided to film outside but I did so the third question I believe wise why do I wear makeup and do I feel pretty in makeup and do I feel pretty when I don't wear makeup so there lies the crux of it I never when I get up in the morning and I do my skin care I feel good I feel good that I did it I love that I did it I love that I got done I I love that I'm facing a day with a clean face and my skin is halfway decent from my age I put my makeup on and I think oh okay that looks good or that I look came out really good today that's that's what I think I don't think oh you look so pretty you're so pretty I just yeah so whether I have my makeup on or not I look at myself the exact same way except one way I'm sort of in my natural canvas and the other I have some paint on and I feel better when I've got my makeup on but I never really thought about it as pretty one way or the other probably goes back to not feeling pretty one way or the other but I never really thought of it that way and I know you know now I just really like wearing makeup oh the next question what is my most favorite trait in a woman I think I really feel the most comfortable around women who are good listeners and even though there are women that I talk to that I can't see sometimes that you know I'm texting or whatever but you can almost sense their smile by their words so I value a smile I am very much a smiley person and I'm a good listener so I think that to me being a good listener and being a smiley person that is something I value in other people so when somebody smiles at me I I just light right up you know I just light right up and when I'm talking and someone is actually listening to me I think that's the most amazing thing you know so I value the friendship that other women truly truly have and their beautiful smiles and when they listen what traits do I least value there are some women that it is all about me the me me me and you know what we call it in my industry AFAB anything for a buck so I'm in real estate sales and there are some people that do have that attitude and I'm not saying it's wrong to have a money making or be motivated by money I'm not saying that's wrong but anything for a buck AFAB yeah and you see it in YouTube and I see it in real life so when I see say a youtuber sell their soul for subscribers or for likes you know it's sad that's my least favorite trait YouTube is a fun place for me and I enjoy my time on YouTube I enjoy watching videos on YouTube but I want to feel like that content creator is doing it because they enjoy it too and not because of the AFAB anything for a buck and that's get nothing to do with getting free products I get free products you know I enjoy getting free products you know yeah so it's okay to be money motivated for sure but that is not that is not at all a pretty trait in my opinion not at all the next one oh my gosh when do I feel the most beautiful hmm you know it's gonna sound corny but right now I feel beautiful I'm just walking in my backyard I think I feel the most beautiful when I'm doing something I enjoy you know when I'm smelling flowers or I'm walking on the beach I'm camping I'm with my husband that's when I feel the most the most beautiful and it isn't after I have a full face on it isn't after I've done all my makeup I know that I look better I feel better when I've got my makeup on but yeah it might sound like a crop out but I feel the most beautiful when I'm doing something I enjoy and sometimes in the morning I'll get up and I'll sit under my back porch and I'll listen to all the birds we have bird feeders we have bird bath you know so I'll just listen to all the birds and I think that's like that's amazing when I listen to the music that nature makes so yeah I love it do I think aging what do I think of aging as a is it a fork in the road I guess it is kind of a fork in the road because I know at 66 I'm on the tail end of it you know and it is a fork in the road because you can choose to be as strong as you can be given the circumstances of your age everyone says age is a number and it is it's it's a number but more importantly I think it's an attitude I think age is an attitude if you feel like you're old you're gonna act old you're gonna look old so to me ages an attitude and I choose in this fork in my road to go into this next phase of my life the next chapter of my life doing the best I can to stay healthy to enjoy the things that I like to enjoy to spend time with my family stuff like that and I'm not in a hurry I'm not in a hurry remember when I was a young woman it was in a hurry to experience everything I'm not in a hurry not at all not at all I think the next question was what do I want next year to look like well I think I'd like next year to be a healthy year for us all because with COVID-19 it's been awful we had a number of plans changed this year we had a big UK trip that we had for three weeks London Scotland Ireland we had that planned we've had to postpone that we had a camping trip ten days at the beach that was canceled on us we've had other things that were canceled on us we've had a wedding that's been postponed a year which is you're so devastating for the one my son and his fiancee but the wedding was in September and they just don't feel comfortable her mother is in overseas so they have to make sure that they can get her here too for flights so there's a number of factors and even my state convention in September was postponed we have another wedding in November and I'm hoping that that one goes off you know and that's gonna be more of a road trip for J&I because it's in Atlanta so I'm hoping that that everything goes well with that wedding but I'm hoping next year we have a COVID-19 free year I hope that my mother and father are still with me and I hope that my father I hope that I can give him a hug and not worry about infecting him with anything so yeah next year yeah next year another year another summer another fall and whatever it brings us I hope it brings us all happiness and help I mean that is ultimately the most important I think I get all the questions so I know it's kind of like sort of a long and rambly thing it's like shaky camera and all but I do think I get all the questions so I'm gonna try to put it together and you know upload this I hope that I didn't mess up Susan's tag if you're a content creator and you want to do the tag please go right ahead I tagged anyone that hasn't been tagged anyone that just wants to do it go right ahead and do it it's very thought-provoking I found it very emotional so anyways thank you guys so much and thank you Susan for tagging me