 Certainly don't want to see footage of you bullying your deaf cousin Put your fucking phone away. I'm show me later. Are we live man? In all countries Marty has a stye eye I don't know if you can see it on the camera, but I had a stye under me eye there And it's been giving me grief all week. I look like fucking lazy. I can't I It's never had a stye before I am comfortable. I'm went away within a day It was like almost I've had mine over the weekend and this is the eye that already Closes more than the other one. How did you get it? It's better when you don't know it up. Yeah in the mornings. It's terrible Maybe I can barely open the fucking thing come Yeah, yeah, but this is not comfortable It doesn't look fat It's just it's discoloured. It's a darker like it's like a bruised Other than that that's pretty much all I should talk this week Stye on our website this week We got the Wears Wally video Michael forgot his Wears Wally uniform So he had to give him a Wears Wally shirt was pretty fun and I got some little prank It shocked me into vomiting a lot of pain. You don't even know you wouldn't have seen it because you wouldn't have seen it because You know You don't watch our website videos and you don't even watch our Facebook videos I don't see any comments from you Matt. It's all only fully actual he replies on I do I do I want to see like three comments starting next time I want to turn every single Marty and Michael you want three comments and a great and great Detail. Yeah, because if you just put an emoji that doesn't count as a common Six sentences cun what emojis don't count the algorithm. It does not count. How does that work? I don't know inside Facebook wants to in Courage the conversation Do you understand they don't want a smiley face you fucking pig? They want a fucking full sentences. They want a full sentences. Yeah, I want detailed shit, which I have heard Is it more than four words? I have heard some exact numbers anymore, but I'm gonna say that yeah four words It is a bit of a pocket. I would say 40. It's out of pocket What 14 word? Yeah, I want like a power something. Yeah in great D3 of them Yeah, three three 14 word comments. Yeah about the video Matt did you see have you been shown what they did to my car? No, but I saw your car Well out there. No the coin car and I'm no no no the other car. Yeah, what's happening yet? I have no idea what's happened They took the floor and the doors off and the windows out we turned it. It looks exactly like the Fred friends Flintstones Cartoon car and that's what we did cut the the top little fucking ringworms off the front So it sort of folds over like it does in the cartoon It's got no flaws or the doors are off for some reason Scott helped Scott. Thank you Crystal he knows a lot about cars if you ever want to buy a car Crystal motors and he's really good-looking. Oh, yeah, it's very well damn, baby And yeah, he did it in like two and a half hours done Thank you Scott. Yeah, thank you. So now yeah We had to drive it from mine to Marty's highly legal. Yeah, I think that's not road worthy now Well, so that's just sitting out the front with no just put it in the garage because it was raining last morning fucking get a flat That's it you have to get a new car I like it. I reckon we could fix it. We could put some doors on I think we go on a road trip and see how long it takes to get arrested now There's a video dressed as the Flintstones. Yeah, and be like what when the cops pull us over. We'll be like, oh, sorry We've we've got a time machine. We've we've come from the past and all these rules now, man Because we've got the outfits or we can have a head on with a family someone shot Is it boss? Oh, these are our feet. I think it's boss And that's pretty much everything we film that you might be wondering why we're Dressed like this today. We filmed a civil war video with a potato gun, but the potato gun Broke halfway through so we need to finish it next week and that all is the M. Uh, it's failed day Fuck it. Oh, it happens a little bit. So we got to redo it. Yeah, scary It is anticipating getting hit with a fucking spike. Do you have any idea how loud that is you fucking cunt They're illegal firearms louder than a car horn. Okay. Yeah, it's like double that What did you film it at Greg's property without his permission? We said we said we're coming soon tell your family Abusive voicemails Speaking of abusive voicemails this podcast is proudly sponsored by our friends at Manscaped They they've agreed to stay on for another season everybody. Holy shit Man, if you seriously we support Manscaped So we'd appreciate it if you also support a Manscaped by using our discount code fully actual 20 Why 20 because it takes for the 20% Oh, I get it you get off. Yeah, just by using that discount code If you shave her or like they got perfumes and shit They're sending us another package with some shit in it. We can show you guys soon I gotta admit they it's it's really doing wonders. I'm not trying to sell it Literally if it's time, you know what? I've been using a lot lately of theirs. What the nose fucking thing Yeah, dude, it's it's a miracle because I easy it doesn't hurt at all What my nose hairs are getting real fucking long man. They're like at it. They're starting to mix with me. Mustache My girlfriend's been using it for my ear hairs. Yeah We get like your hairs like on the outside just one pop up everyone Yeah, and I had the barb of the other day fully fucking take my ears down a notch come Have I've lost the charges for these things but since we've been sent so many I just use a new one each time Yeah, more send us more. Anyway, man scape.com for all of your male grooming products. They're seriously very good guys And little hot tip. We might be getting another sponsor on the podcast And of course the other sponsor is the University of Michael our subscription website where we post a weekly video every week That's far too fucked for social media. There are some works of art on there now. All right There's over 200 videos that you haven't seen yet Isn't that right people? Yeah, it's fucking nuts, man. How good those videos are I wish that we only had to make website videos. Oh Are there many? 200 you haven't seen and they're like we put our heart and soul into the week He was hospital. We bleed piss each shit. Yeah, it's like come on. It is scat porn We do some episodes of scat porn. The others are just incredibly dangerous and we don't know nail gun Yeah, we shot each other with one. Yeah, fuck. That was another hospital another hospital trip Two times in the last five months Matt and we were there We can't post to social media because Facebook says no don't do that if we post a social media with nail gun wounds He had his muscles suck to his bone with a nail through the leg And my bum cheek went in the bum cheek. I had to get tetanus shot But anyway, those are our sponsors and that's why we hear Anybody watch the Super Bowl on the weekend. Is anyone watch that stuff? Yeah, yeah We watch I had a playing in the background on Monday as we were a lot of American fans I'm sure they did look we did watch and I was hoping that the Bengals would win because that would mean that the Simpsons had predicted another Correct. Oh really? They haven't won before have they I never ever the proof that we're in a simulation. I was so close Cuz asteroids come and destroy shit. Yeah, of course. They're simulated to do that Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, maybe Sometimes I feel like they are more likely in a simulation than not. Yeah, that's with what we know now We might know in a hundred years be like, oh fuck what we were saying a hundred years ago is complete bullshit because a hundred years ago they were saying that fucking God is real come and that the earth is flat hundred years from now We'll be having our own simulations in the movie back to the future. We're already past the time Oh, they had flying cars in space. Thank you. Yeah, well that that solves a lot. I feel like I shouldn't have said that That was cute. I wish I could fill you up I'm feeling a bit peckish This day Fucking hot in here by the way Yeah, it's a sweltering heat that I've never felt before This is stupid with three grown men sitting in chairs dressed as old Persons colonial man talking to three cameras. I'm not dressed as an old person. Yes, you are You look dressed as an 80 year old pensioner. Oh Yeah, my granddad's pretty hip. Yeah, okay on this day On this day in 1950 Marilyn Monroe did a movie with half a dead baby hanging out of her It's slung from side to side as she walked and whenever anyone mentioned it She would tell them that it's rude to stare and she would grind her teeth so forcefully that her teeth would crack She wrote a book called I had a baby hanging out of me for a few weeks But it didn't sell any copies are still wood though, and I'm Matt Brown Matt Brown How did she die? I think from that baby infection. Well, what a failed pregnancy. You're gonna love it Well, it was sort of half successful Her real death is like conspiracy because she was involved with the Kennedys. Oh Yeah, she was gonna do it. Have a good rip in half Take a break from the normal conspirator things. Oh, mate. Have a look down that one fucking one's going on right now There's some true blues a anyway Fucking what what's what's next? We got fucking Matt's little black book. Oh, well, that was a great segue All right, let me just Flip to the correct page Oh Wait destroy it. You know what took me to rattle. I'm destroying it This is how you turn pages in the Matt Brown black diary book. Wait, should I get high for this? Yeah, go on have a suckle if you're feeling we just go bone break now bone break Let us enjoy our time while we still have it Mmm. Mm-hmm. Oh Marty hmm, don't make me sad Plenty, I hope that I live to be 40 We're getting to at least 60 if I'll get to 60. I'll be having a few beers. I'll tell you that much 60 is fuck it. We're going 70. We're going solo, baby We're on 70 All right now read me read your story from this book of fucks Let me wet my whistle here The swan was raped. Ah Here we go Matt's little black book had number 12 We're not going in order. She's picking them out where you want to speak them out randomly my fellow cleaner I was fishing for sluts and mulled parbet on the outskirts of Brisbane It was 2 30 a.m Which is prime time and I saw a middle-aged overweight woman playing pokies while clutching three pints of beer in one hand She looked about seven months pregnant. She was drunkenly swaying side-to-side mumbling threats at the pokey machine My neck stiffened and my toes curled so far back that I heard the bones break I floated over to this beautiful beast and rested my hand on her hot clammy shoulder You having a win I whispered Turned and squinted at me struggling to keep me in focus nah She turned back to the machine and kept gambling I dove my hand into my pocket and started fumbling with some coins I had in there the sound of the jangling coins caught her attention and she looked down on my pocket He could have come a spare. It was all the water I'll have the wind you get free spins can a Smile crept onto my face and I strategically pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a handful of coins Here have four dollars. I'm going to get a drink. Would you like one? I'll probably shouldn't cuz baby fuck it Yes color umbars. This has been the last one now I left the cigarettes next to the perky machine and urgently returned with the drinks I had already she had already lost the four dollars. I gave her and was rubbing her pregnant belly Gimme quick. The baby's kicking. Must be excited to be able to run like him I ran over handed her her drink and felt her sticky belly and the baby was indeed kicking We shared a special moment and she noticed the cigarettes out of the corner of her eye Gotta smoke or what come? Success she had taken my bait like a good little fish Yes, let's go and have a smoke. I had strategically parked my car right next to the smokers area and after watching her Have a smoke and drink both of our drinks. I let her know that it's after 3 a.m. And then we can't get any more drinks. I'm sober and my car is just there Why don't we go back to mine and have a few more drinks and smokes together? She looked me up and down. You're all of them, but I'm a two more cousin me, baby I'm responsible man I had reeled her in now all that was left was to do and go home and enjoy my meal She vomited multiple times in the car ride home, but I did not mind I sped home and took my beast inside. I made her a rumble as soon as we got inside and sat her on my couch She knew what I wanted and opened her legs She was wearing a denim skirt and the smell that greeted me was something from the deepest pits of hell I lunged at her groin and enjoyed myself a late-night meal Tonguing at her golf ball size clit Fuck yeah! She arrived with pleasure Sipping her rumble throughout. I extracted my tongue from her and plunged my stiff steak deep into her I thrust it forwards and my eyes bulged out of my head. I was experiencing true happiness I flipped her over and started attacking her ass. A fecal fountain squirted out around my little brown My mind's body and spirit all aligned and I came with such force that she started lactating sperm from her tits One of the benefits of having pregnant women is there is no need for protection. The moment I had had her I booked her an Uber. I led her to my front door and she turned to say goodbye Call me Samsung. This is fuckin' good, eh? No fucking way. I slammed the door in her face and went to wash my lounge room and body I was a brave knight and I had truly slayed a dragon this evening Another story from Matt's little brown book of haves. Oh It's so embarrassing. Wow. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have written no one in there, mate Oh, cuz that ain't something to be proud of Oh, I hope her baby is fine Sound like it has a good start to life. It's surely got some issues. Oh, do you know what I'm saying Matt? That's not okay, okay Anyways, only you have number 12. I'm sure you were very young at that stage still That's what I like to tell myself All right good entry Next our next segment is of course The comment of the week everybody And we've gone through and boy are there some fucking comments Which reminds me guys if you want to support the podcast Leave a comment comment whatever you want just comment the word comment if you can't think of a comment Like the video subscribe to the video shot to your friends and family and play it on playing on the TV in the background And just have it on and just You don't need to do anything other than that man. That's it Yeah, look at me could put we got playing dress-ups for you Look at us. Oh, we dance for you. Oh, please Please Anyway from the comments last week, we've gone through and we've selected our favorite comment and We will we will reveal that to you now Comment of the week who has that I've got to did you go through them actually look cuz I went man We go through If you want to talk to us leave a comment because we read them We do seriously our love reading podcast comment as soon as the video comes out I start scrolling with a big smile on my face and go through every single one and sometimes they hurt my feelings You I think your one is the one that I really enjoyed as well. Yes season four skin I got the highest amount of likes. Yeah, well, I liked the question that he asked as well One about me dying Yeah, I've got that question Comment Yeah, so all right, well, let's let's give it to donut films this week. All right, so donut films well done He's the he's the one responsible for the is he the the I don't know Sometimes I think is he the one that sends us all those fucking letters. No, yeah, don't I'm pretty sure he's the one who sends Us we and teeth and shit. Yeah He sends Me Yeah, there's piss up here that's here. So he's here over here. He's here in a way. Yeah, we should have that piece Yeah, we'll get that piss up in the um, yeah, we'll put that piece here cuz that's like thank you honestly and teeth I think he sent on I was at Johnno Anyway, he sent he sent himself and that's and that's all we ask is that you send yourself parts of yourself so for everyone his comment was season four skin And that received the most likes as well. We enjoyed it because it's uh, it is it's true It's it's season four and it's also a joke Cuz foreskin which only two out of the three of us have Comment who you think doesn't have force. Oh, yeah, that's a very good comment. That's a good engagement thing Yeah, who do you think has their foreskin and who do you think doesn't rule reveal it next week? Yeah, if people do it's not exciting Matt's is gone Matt's foreskin has been cut off Sean. Oh, that would have been good Sean Yeah, I know it would have been great. I had to ruin it. It's like a birthday cake. Oh, yeah Before it was your birthday. I want to have a taste of it I feel like everyone would have got excited trying to pick for skin who's mine's like, yeah I don't have much of a foreskin I'm gonna look up for you. I've been attacked. Yeah, Michael has the most foreskin out of All of us out of well out of probably any guy I've ever seen it it goes out it wraps over his knob and then extends like a long So he has to when he tries to pull his foreskin back it's like pulling a rope in can't hey No These piss streams What are we gonna do with the comment of the week? So we're gonna we're gonna write it down don't up well Yeah, we're trying to figure out whether behind and put it behind We put your comment of week behind us We'll do it I'll do it. I'll do it because I'm trustworthy All right, Matt, you are you are responsible for the comment of the week and you guys are busy So yeah, I'll get a board and we'll have it here and when it comes out we'll bring it out All right, so don't our films York. That's the first comment going on the board That's a special achievement baby first comment And it doesn't necessarily just to be clear need to be the most likes comment It's just the comment that we us three like the most out of all of the comments The questions is a completely separate thing if you want us to ask you questions We go off the likes on the questions not off the as the comment of the week Actually, that makes sense. Sometimes I see good questions that I get there you go Matt Brown is is is Admitting to being corrupt. He's corrupt. He's defying the system Sorry anyway questions All right First questions from Damon Rice is our first question of the entire season may I remind you that holy shit? Yeah, so pay attention. Okay. I'll try this is so hard Actually first question from Adam goth goof goth goth Boys was it me or did Jack asked Rob your spin and skull idea for that new movie Yeah, I didn't want to say anything to him during the interview, but in my head. I was thinking I didn't care What did he yeah, he fully did the big spin at the end of the end sculling That's what you guys did on we did that was really we did that with mandarins and the milk skull I think you've done it twice We skull milk we spin while that shit is being thrown at us. Can't we think we did that We did like a fucking trailer park trash version of that video That's on YouTube We've done that two times that's on YouTube if you want to see us do it first again, holy shit We fully did do it first Matt She'd do it again max. Have you seen it? Yeah, actually I have seen that one. I was no That was a painful fucking day that hurt beyond measure, baby. I was down on my knees and I didn't want to get up. Oh Next question is from Damon right is quiet ever going to make an a an appearance on the show choir Is my mother? Look, I don't know we can reach out to her Matt. Are you comfortable with it? No, I'm not into it and It's gonna take a lot of convincing. I love the picture on Instagram. So yeah, there's a Well, we found the whole Brown family on Instagram And very grateful that they made Instagram accounts because now we can contact them whenever we want But question who knows question might make an appearance because question like we we just talk to question every now and then like He'll message us great great video boys because he's fucking subscribed to the website He lended me his raincoat twice And it wasn't even raining that day Was the next question was he's trying to join in on the conversation Good boy. That's a lot to say about question Bozzy's doing a much better by the way. He's um, his lump turns out it was Cancerous, but it's a very low grade cancer There's a very low chance that it will spread anywhere and if it does return it'll probably come back in the same spot So it's a good and bad news. It's a bit of B bit of a and my blood pressure is um, you know I've stopped all weed all drinking and We see what happens. I got cardiologist appointment next Monday Let me try to get to the controller see what happened All right next question is from doughnut films What was that? Who is that accent? I think that was fine Those are related to the the fines. Yeah, that was a fine for sure Next question is from doughnut films. What do you guys think Matthew Brown will die from? Infections, I think maybe in grade four from like a clip Infections like you go on you go to the Grand Canyon blood infections What a grand the Korean Canyon and you just have an accident. So I'm not going to Grand Canyon Well, the blood infections will still get in maybe I Maybe from interacting dirty Wallowing in piss and shit you have a cut blood infection You happen all the time man. You are happening all the time Remember? Yeah, I've actually done that. I don't know if I really like that question That is a great question. And how would how would we all die? hmm We're going to predict a massive heart attack for me And you can play this at my funeral But I guess this is and how and how will you die? I reckon you'll drown in his own piss Hmm, maybe like a motorbike accident. Oh, I don't want to think about that a sudden motorbike accident No, no, no, I disagree. I think Michael out of everyone. He'll be right there to the end He'll die peacefully. He'll be there till the end of days Yeah, he'll just change old man. He doesn't die change form to snake egg And it hatches when conditions are perfect We're never going to get through the fucking questions Asteroid yeah an asteroid for sure. Oh shit. That reminds me next question is from a swamp box 69 Are you guys planning on having any special guests this season? You know what? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Hmm. I reckon Willem. Yeah, we'll get Willem on fucking Yeah, we haven't thought about guests, but we will do that. We will do that for you guys Now we have three mics Matt can just sit on the ground for Shane for message. Did he? Oh, he has message before though. Oh, and we've got four mics so we can set it up for a four skin Yeah, all right. Well, I'll tweet that now Roger. I'm just gonna tweet about our four mics We're on Twitter is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. Wow. How many now? We have no four microphones All right next question is from fly by night A question for the podcast. What are your fetishes? Like sexual fetishes. I'm gonna go with anything you want the sexual or maybe just into food or something Whatever. Well, what do you want to do Matt? I know what you want to talk? I want to hear the sexual ones for sure. Mmm Matt Brown Favorite fetish I'll give an honest answer Oh Actually, no, come on Brown. I thought about it. I'm done. No, I'll go back scratchers Nice little little ones like very blood Blistering ones like even when you get a massage. It's better to get a back scratch over massage What massage are you getting hate massages like they dig into the muscles? Okay Scratches Sure if I have a fetish I am I like watching animals burn the cows The fucking cows for you Well, yeah, I do love you don't even fuck them anymore I don't have time to fuck the cows, baby. But if they're around like Greg's cows today They ran over a river just to see us you're so cute. Oh I parted one Yeah, I aimed the potato gun at it trying to fucking try to threaten it to fuck you anyway What's your fetish? No. No. Oh, yeah, Matt likes when they say no Next question is from Peter Hunt Can I buy the black book? It's Matt Brown's to sell. What do you think? I'll think about it How much would you be willing to pay comment? How much you would be willing to pay for the brown book? All right to the highest bidder Full of these entries Talking to your microphone mate Have you got holes in your mouth teeth? Mm-hmm you got holes in your teeth I'm why I would have drink that water in the top of my gum with the ringworm. Do you still have herpes? No Soars he ate the scab off of his mouth. I want to drink some sustained me to keep living I'll have more credit. We'll go man. You guys talk so much We'll never get through a question. All right. We're sorry. Oh the next ones Was a question our next question from red scale to mr. Brown. I'm going to La Paz Bolivia this June What was the name of the cocaine bar you went to? I just want to see it from the outside I'm not planning to go inside. So don't think that about me. You're clearly gonna go inside. Yeah It was a root Route 36 I think or root 26 root 36 Was the cocaine bar that I went and just to be clear you did cocaine. That was my first time My brown has done cocaine everyone and actually revskel Here's one for you if you go into that into that bar where you that's a legal man On the wall it is. Oh No, oh, yeah over there it is. Yeah, that is it's illegal in most countries, especially here Matt Brown on the wall On the wall and the cocaine bar you can go in there. There's flags of the countries all over the wall Now if you look hard enough You'll find the Australian boxing kangaroo Flag and that's where you did it and you'll see Matt Brown me and Aaron's names on that flag They will give you Texas if they're still cool. They'll give you Texas and you can ride on the walls and Yeah, you can this was they wrote their names. Yeah, you can was like 30 years ago though So they might have ripped the flags down. Yeah, it could be I'm in like the 70s or something I've also got Matt Brown was here and the date so on the wall somewhere So if you can find that you can put your name next to mine take a photo and send it to me and That'll be amazing All right, that is the questions if you want to sense your questions. Don't be scared Okay, come forwards come to Michael's house. Come over here and lay it lay down And we are see your questions, huh? Lay down lay down Lay down where you listen with Bosley lay down why you listen to the podcast man There are a lot of good questions. Um, thank you. There's like 40 and look We will do we will start answering the questions via commenting the ones that we don't answer live How's that? I'll try now. I'll try and slide some of those in Thanks upcoming episodes. Oh, fuck. Um, all right Michael's fucking Bible. Oh Yeah, oh, yeah Shut up Chapter 6 verse 12 from the book of when they're When is just now in the future was is just now back then When and was might seem like future and past, but there is only ever now and No, now is the same now back then is now gone and replaced with a now now Which is also now gone So do not think of now as right now because the now you're thinking of is already a was It's best not to think at all and let now happen continuously until your heart stops heaps of asteroid belts to It's true Don't you think Matt Matt surely Surely Matt I saw a rat Yeah, there's heaps here really sort of running along the post they can climb up to the I still see it I think I still see it shit. Yeah under the beam. Yeah under the beam I see it too. There's two. Yeah, there's two rats. I'm gonna see my god this see if I can get a bit of Two rats. There's three is it three. Yeah, but there's three. Oh, there is two. There's a whole family of rats God, there's a whole family of rats here, baby. It's awesome rat form. Yes They come to enjoy the podcast with a bigger rat demographic Oh Yeah, it's cleaning itself your house is fucked full of vermin Full of I don't mind them. We should let Bosley in there cuz he'll kill kill him like that Would you ever have a pet rat? Yeah, you get that one. No, they don't dole. That's Connor Connor's had pet rats, but but it's it's like they're quite social creatures I used to see a girl who had pet rats and I found them to be the what did you do to her? Look at them moving around. Look at that. See that moving around Having a little family talk. Aren't they very cute very cute. You should put some food out for them. Holy shit There's like four of them More and more and more they all appearing there's more and more and more rats coming Look at them all Oh Holy fuck, that's a lot of rats. Oh my god That's like too many They're gonna be chewing on the chords. That's not nice to see in your own hobby terrifying out there Imagine sleeping with all them running around. I don't think they can get here in the roof heaps I was just hoping that there wasn't that many that That's quite an infestation Which people could see what we just saw that was really like they all just bailed maybe it's the rats from Adele's jaw Oh shit anyway on with the podcast take that word for it there I'm picture seeing 15 rats Scarring that's what we saw like the top beam They anyway, all right next segment is some All right boys, this is the German or gibberish you must guess If it's German or gibberish if you are correct and it is German you can have a shot at guessing what it means guessing what it means The loser will be punished. Yeah, we got to change the punishment up someone suggested that instead of slapping to the hand You slap us with the wooden spoon. All right, that would hurt a lot even have a wooden spoon Yeah, he does from past hits. Don't disturb the rats German This is offensive to my homeland I have a stye eye Offensive to my homeland Phrase number one German or gibberish Michael it's German I'm gonna say it's not German. Okay, we have German not German. It is not German fucking racist cunt Just because it sounds similar it's German. They definitely said it like German That's definitely that sounded more German the second time. Sorry. Sorry. All right, that's up one nil. Okay, second one Katzen anschreien No, that's Irish, that's not Yeah, the end you can hear it. All right, we got one Irish It's just not German. Can I hear it again, please? Katzen anschreien. I want to go. It's German. Okay. I'll be right here It is German Matt, would you like to take a stab or what it means? No, I mean scream at cats Scream at cats. Yeah, yeah, of course it does. Yeah. All right, third one. That's up to nil, baby Yeah, how many more? Three, but you can't get double points if you guess what it means. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, baby It's never happening. It's never happening at all. All right. Here we go third one No way, that's just silly Yeah, I'm gonna go not German both of you not German that is German The ending is just screaming for like hell all right, so it's still too nil to matter Would you both like to care to guess what that means? Yeah, it's like help me I'm gonna I'm gonna say it's um, let me out of the bathroom. No Very close man. Yep, actually very close Oh, I think it won't guess mate. Yeah basement one guess. Okay. It means our blind monkeys burn quickly How's very close? That's hard You changed the tone of it, that's why you're being good disguise Fourth Ruckstrahl brentchen putz Ruckstrahl brentchen putz I'll have to go first. Um, yeah. Yeah, you do. It's not German. Yeah, you're gonna win He's described. He's like he's like Disguised It sounds like you're mumbling at the end But it is a bit irish, but you've disguised it with a german way It sounds like a drunk german. Where are you getting this irish from? I can hear it in it Go again. Ruckstrahl brentchen putz. I'm saying oh No I'm gonna say it's definitely not german, but you've disguised it with the tone of german It is not german see so three i'm getting better three one All right last one michael you need to get this right and guess what it means So i'm fucked Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Okay. Here we go Oh, yeah, that's the only way you can win is get it right and that's only if it is german If it's not german, there's obviously you can't guess what it means because it has no meaning Understand that so you better pray to the gods right now Go on Okay, please help me Please help me. I see a rat. Oh there it goes All right, here we go So He's disguising it again. It's not german I'm gonna say it is german. Okay I can get a comeback and I have to guess what it oh if it isn't german There is no way it's just gibberish Okay, it's a glove So you saying that it's not german rules you out so you may as well say it is all right. It's german But it won't be I reckon it is You have to say it's not so they have a chance it is german four two Matt you get first guess at what it means Can I have a shoups main a shvester? Is that how you would can you say it in a way that you'd actually say it like in a tone that you'd say it instead of screaming it? Do you have any idea how racist you're being right now? You're being such an ignorant pig. I want you to use it in a sentence. I am But I am but using it how I would speak to my mother calmly ember I am but being sensual Is that a word? Is that a bit german coming out there shoups a main a shvester? That's the best I can do and that is a german whisper I'm gonna go how can you made this one up on the spot and I say there's rats in my kitchen Well, I'm gonna say there's no in the pool room. That's wrong pool table room And no, you're also wrong. It's um push my sister And it is german. Yeah, wow Four right to right I lose And now for the punishment everyone we get to see michael's ass get walloped by this We're just thigh. Let's go You don't have to hold back. I know don't hit the kneecap Yeah, hit this the meaty bit watch out for the microphone, mate Oh, no The Germans we celebrate in his pain Huh Yeah, that would hurt a lot. I wouldn't take it on the skin I don't think you realize I can show you Oh And that is the german a gibberish segment you are welcome everyone have it got home. I hope so everyone I hope you had a turn at home Comment how many you got right comment I got two right out of the german segment and send your clips of the wooden spoon hips Send us your pubic hair, baby our p.o. Box is p.o. Box 256 tagam for 40 18 queens in australia. Send us your pubic hair everyone No, you got all of them right if you got all of them right send us your pubic hair Why don't we make a sculpture out of people's pubic hair matt brown? We need something solid to put it on All right, everybody. It's time for bachelor brown brown brown brown bachelor brown brown brown brown brown bachelor brown brown brown brown is an echo And this is a segment where you sweet sweet ladies Send in a little dm to our instagram and your phone number And we read them out and give you a call to see if you're compatible with our brown town I don't know if I really wanted to and we'll see if we can do a little bit of a playing Set up the brown town It could be beautiful. It could be it might meet your what could be quite a sexual experience. All right You could you could have your fucking mind blown and your guts minced up. Yeah cut out of me and minced up Serial killer. All right. Anyway, this this is um A dm from an an actual girl someone sent this in I don't know actually could be a dude. It's got a dude's name What's the name the pictures of a girl though? Yeah, but it does No, look, I'm gonna say it's her name is nick Okay, could be it's a dude and I see it could be sure for Nicole. It could be sure for Nikki. Come on Please pick me to have bachelor brown a dream of him bounding backwards into my bedroom That's great That's what you do and then she said my number is I'm in New South Wales But I'd fly up for a date with mr. Brown. I don't know if I want to Matt it's fine. All right. We'll help. All right. Here we go. This is um, we'll see if it's a real girl shortly It's gonna be Um, hello, is this nick Oh nick, um, we got your dm. Um, I forgot to put my phone on private. So shit Also Oh really? Oh, fuck. I must have not changed it since last week. So that's good Anyway, um nick does she know who it is? Yeah, of course. She knows who it is. Of course. She knows who it is. I don't need to say Of course, she knows matt. It's martin. Not a good start He's all nervous and fluttery around Anyway, nick. Um, I saw you dm. You have to pick your child up Yeah, that's that's what I thought that's what I thought. So, um, we have matt brown here with you and we just thought we would Accommodate this conversation. So, um, why don't you start just by telling a little bit of base off to the brown To the brown, okay. Well What can I say? I'm a pretty cool chick I am a little bit older than you guys though, how old how old are you nick if you don't mind me asking I am actually 45 Matt doesn't mind matt doesn't mind age is just a numb age is just a numb and a mat. He's had Things that were one foot in the grave It's only 10 years older than that. So so matt, why don't you now tell in turn tell nick some of your hobbies and interests Oh It seems like this is not going well for you matt. Do you do not do not like nick Nick has a lovely voice and that's all I know All right. So so matt, would you consider um adding nick on instagram and then dming her and and continuing the conversation there I think he's already got me on Oh That's the sound of success wait on on the fully actual That was the best thing ever I will give you more than any people. I will give you her instagram And you you will get a follow from matt brown's personal instagram And you can continue to dm each other there and who knows really nice And who knows this could be the beginning of something amazing babies Mr. Brown you might have to jump on a plane and jump on a brown Let's do these All right, nick was a pleasure meeting you. Thank you so much for doing this and we'll put you into touch with Oh, thank you so much. Thank you really make me laugh. I just literally watched the podcast again for the third time Wow, it's so good. Oh, it's so nice. Nick. That's beautiful. All right. Well, I got a special thing In the place for you guys. Oh, yes We love you guys. Hey, thank you. At least, you know, she's got an awesome sense of humor Which is needed. Yes Absolutely, definitely All right, nick. We'll let you go but thank you very much for chatting to us and thank you for It's been a pleasure guys. Have a great rest of the day. See you guys. Bye nick Oh You just got a girlfriend He's working very very well Now if you would like to compete For for Brown's affections Don't be scared DM us a little bit about yourself and your number make yourself available on Monday afternoons And we'll give you a buzz and you can we can see if Matt Brown and Matt, what did you really think? Holy shit. I just had an idea. What about we get to the point by the end of the season where we've We have three in the actual studio. Yes. Yeah, I'm not going to do that Yeah, so that's a great idea Bachelor show and we'll have him behind a screen And then and then and then they have to make a noise and whichever noise Brown the most Is the one that he goes with Success Oh man, I love that segment. That is I hope that happens every week. Please girls if you're watching All right, uh next fucking segment. That's a rip snortler. That is an absolute rip snortler Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, that was very fun for you It's nice to witness love. She was very lovely though. You you're very nervous, which is a good song Fucking a I'm nervous. I got some very very nervous. You put me You've put you on the spot. I wasn't expecting him on the spectrum Well, you kind of lied to me what the what we were going to do And so I wasn't expecting. Yeah, I know. Yeah, and that's good. Okay you look we need to take your relationships into our own hands No Because look at what you've done after 35 years you're sitting there alone in a chair You need to trust us that we've made you happy baby and we find you mrs. Brown Nick could be her Nick could be her. Oh my god See I reckon yeah, we'll definitely get more so make sure you send it through Anyway, that was fucking great. All right. I'm moving right along Relation along the relationship advice, which matt is very We'll be able to give so yeah, because I'm fucking nailing dates Left her on san account every monday. I'll give you her instagram now. So enough to get matt. Do you want to add her? Yeah, kind of cut her um tag because she might not yeah, she might have an abusive ex boyfriend who um Who will hunt you down and cut you into little slithers with a potato peeler Cut all the way through your guts. It's happened. That's how I died It's you could eat someone. Yeah, baby. Yeah, it's been done. No. No like yourself Me if there was human flesh put in front of you, would you eat it? I could eat it depends on the situation if i'm stuck in the andy's from a plane crash like some human flesh in front of me right now I would no questions asked. I would eat it some of it No questions asked baby. I'm a german and we eat any meat put in front of meat You totally would wouldn't you I'd have a big old bite of that sandwich Blutwurst smear some liver on sandwich and putt mustard on it and that is food to me If I had to like Okay, yeah, if I had to I could what about the price if it was here right now, would you What the price eat human flesh? No, how much would you do for free? I do it for a lifetime. What about you matt? I'd give something a boz to count too. No, I need to be in a desperate situation. Yeah, it's not even a hundred k Oh, hang on Now we're talking. Yeah, would you eat an entire body for a hundred thousand? No a whole a whole body. I'll probably end up sick Yeah, you can do it over over two weeks. Maybe I'll take a little chunk Surely you would do that anyone normal person would do that eat a whole human body Anyway, fucking way to it's a missing person We need to move on all right relationship advice my reading are you because I've got a bunch All right, well, let's just let's just do two or three Okay, I got a good one we got two or three and then we'll do the prank the po box and then prank horn We're fucking done. Do you want me to go first? Oh, baby, please Uh guys, I've seen your posts about relationship advice and fuck me. I need your help My best mate of countless years has recently come into a cunted relationship with some ginger fuck He met her at work. She won't let me see me or any of the boys or even let him go to the pub anymore I remember she started a fight with me once on the street and she claimed I tried to kill her boyfriend Which is his best mate. How do I defeat this cunt and get my best mate back for good? Um, so what she's had he's lost his friend Yeah, so he's lost his friend to a girlfriend who he thinks is a massive c-bomb And um, yeah, he wants her back. He wants her back. Sorry. He wants her back got to do with this whole thing He wants him back once he's back. He's back All right. Well, look You got to give him and I'll you walk straight up to her You get a golly from the deepest part of your fucking throat and you give her an ultimatum Fuck off or golly face cunt and let her pick And let her pick and if she picks him you let rip and you fucking golly in her fucking face Shut up. Shut up and golly in it All right. Yeah, that's my advice And if she says she takes it and he still goes with her Fuck him off split him from your life next I'm kind of in a grance with marty, but maybe cut some of the violence Matt you're never going to get anywhere with no violence Rats it that's all through the house. You need to sit him down have a conversation if he really loves that chick I'm going to let him go. Look at this. Look at this. You have to let him go This single man sitting over here saying have a rational conversation Russian doesn't work. There's rats all through michael's spare room. Yeah, fuck dude Look, there's one right there. Yeah in the darkness. I see In the darkness. I see I can't believe it There's so many. Yeah, there's far too many to count Hmm was more over there. Anyway I've got one. I found one. I have this chick living on my couch We have been in and out off relationship for 15 years Now we only get stupid high and fuck like animals She's kind of cock-blocking me, but she also sucks me if I scratch my balls You guys are the only ones I would take advice from One love from the up north on the globe stay hard counts Wow That sounded like a bunch of gibberish to me. But anyway, I reckon Matthew brown You probably that's you're not from the north. So you don't understand that Yeah, one of them. He has a goal that he has known for a very long time. Yep Do you understand living on his couch? Oh, okay. She's so dependent and so Worthless that she can't even get her own fucking hut Yeah, you need to cut her loose. That's just So so easy. Is it it's a long time. You need to buy her a home No, you need to cut her loose and fend for herself I like putting Bees on the end of words home. Yeah No, you don't that's That's fraudulent. No, that's why we're telling you to get off the car. Tax evasion Put it on the tax and that way You you take the money that you're paying for the tax you buy her a house She's happy you have a house now So you You got a plan B Oh So you reckon stay with the chick Stay with the chick man. Let her live on the couch and buy a home For don't no, no, no not for her Just as an investment property And you stay at that home. Yeah, you both stay on the couch Okay, I reckon yeah, I'm not sure. I don't know about that man Me for it like yeah, if You would you'd move into the new house if you bought it And maybe she could stay on the couch. Look, I'd suggest getting her off. Oh, I just thought of it I just it just sparked in my mind, right? You ready? Burn the house down that you live in and claim insurance You get a massive payout of money and then you can turn your friend and say Oh, no, my house burnt down looks like you're gonna have to move out now or burn the house I'm with that one with her in it when she's on the couch when she's asleep That's another option. That's a darker route, but less issues later on You understand be cheaper All right, next one Um, my boyfriend and I recently broke up after a big fight at a party I said I said hi nice to meet you at a girl Which is one of his friends and she said to him We've already met and so my boyfriend got angry and said I should try harder to be friends with the girls that he's friends with Um, we think you're getting back together, but I hate his friends. Wait, is this a girl? This is a girl a girl wrote into us. Yeah. Wow Start again Spinning you fuck that person's chance of getting advice. Oh really it's too long. You took too much time I can try once moving on. Did you get it mighty? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Look, I'll briefly go back. So she's she's a chick her and her boyfriend broke up After a fight at a party where she said hello to a girl and that girl said we've already met you're not even listening He pinched me Not even listening. Okay. Go one more time. She pinched him So her and her boyfriend broke up after a fight at a party. Okay with his friends there Yep, and basically She said hello to a girl and the girl said to her we've already met Yeah, and he got upset with her because She's not trying hard enough to like get to know his friends Okay Michael she says we're thinking about getting back together She's just giving advice. This is he hates the friends English comprehension with Michael Okay, I reckon Look, yeah, what do you reckon? I didn't break it up Thanks for that Yeah, look, it sounds like that is a very volatile relationship and um, you you look I would I wouldn't want that to get back together because it sounds like it's just gonna fall apart later on down the road I think so too, I think for him to get that angry over that without just trying to talk to you calmly Oh fucking here we go Yeah, okay, so what is it again? You stay with her You say with him, but I think it's all right a minute We're at one hour 16 when you're gone. All right, you guys have wasted Our our fans times have been completely wasted at least we're dressed up It looks like he belongs He belongs in that time period. I got a time machine Matthew I believe you doesn't he it looks like he belongs in that time period So yeah, he does he does I bet if I pull up some old photos of that time you'll be in them You'll be in the photos all right next we have our p. I'm boxing where we unbox the things that you guys sent into us We have different shit this week. Yes. I love it when we have different shit We have the smallest note that we've ever interesting. Oh, wow. That's incredible And if you want to send something in we'll open everything live on the podcast We go, there's the p. O box right there p. O box 256 taken ta i g um I've still got a letter from that dude, but I'm not going to open it. Yeah, it's going to sit right here next to me No It's more of this signing Oh, it's the sign guy. He wants us to um Oh, this is a return one. All right. Look this little note says my dick can speak fluent french and vomit sperm When sees matt's mum Oh, there you go. Someone has a crush on my mother You have a crush on fire. All right. Here. We have a box. All right. This first actual parcel. We've received and Okay, just boy. Do we get excited about the parcels? Hey, yeah Yeah, we're a bit gun shy because some people send Body parts and it's but I'm not worried. I don't mind. I don't mind today Fucking can't All right. Let's see where we have a We have You're good. Oh, fucking fuck off Australian government. So they went in there and inspected those. All right. We have um three CDs from Two red nep social masks. So it's oh, it's like an album one for you one for me one for brown We will listen to this some cool. Ah, it's a cd. It's not it's not it's not so often you see cds anymore CD's and dvds quite rare now. So vocals by kevin Two red nep is the name of the band and drums by kevin Thank you for that first of all and second of all, let's see what We'll read the note first Oh All right, it's quite a long one. So strap yourselves in and have a bong bong break Hello marty and michael first of all, I'd really like to thank you for doing what you do Dedication in creating content and trying to keep in contact with your growing following is inspiring Your content can really make a shitty day a bit better again. See matt I'm a follower for a few years and I'd really like to gift you this mask It was a lot of work, but I really enjoyed doing it the mask is of course a marty and michael with a little julian Infection on the forehead it turned out a bit darker than I planned though. Ha ha ha. I also included some cds for the three of you I hope you like the metal. Yeah, we'll fucking listen to it on those soon as on the drive home I'll stick it in the van whole city plays broken I don't have a city but I'll go on at home. So I'll play it when I get in put on your xbox Listen do it in the van put on your playstation I'm not really able to spam who the guys I've worked with on this cdr Because some of the labels can be a pain in the ass, but I'm a singer on that and produced it. Oh, fuck. Yeah, baby Now for the challenge Want to play a game? Here's the challenge connected to the mask Set up two tables across each other so you can imitate each other during the challenge Each person has an hour to cook three meals for the other to try to make the other person puke After preparing the meals you sit next to each other and eat the person who pukes most out of the three meals loses The person who loses has to wear this mask for two days straight the winner may choose Which two days go easy on each other guys or it just turns On raping julian with the mask on it in some weird satanic ritual. It's up to you either way I hope you enjoy your gift Now you can use it some kind of way in a schedule stunt and then inspires more people out there to be creative And send you guys stuff with challenges attached greetings and respect from sweden best kevin kevin Fucking thank you. Thank you very much. We appreciate it Now let's see. Have you seen it matt? No. We've seen it. We've seen it on social media. We've seen it on social media Look at this like some Oh, wow. Look at that. It is fucking very good quality, isn't it? It's got our beads down pat. Have a look. Yeah It's got a can you put it on matt? I'm scared too. Yeah, I'm scared too as well. Oh fuck the wide just stop filming Yeah, it shook like that and it lifted up off the ground it's gonna get up every time and he's gonna look it actually flew a bit went up bounced All right, it's fine All right matt brown is now going to put the mask on and we want to see what doing this stuff And you would look like what if this is some like sore trap where i'm trapped in the mask It might be matt. It could well be that Can you see look at us? Oh, wow. Look at us matthew. Which side do you think is oh, it's kind of creepy You're the right and on the left. Yeah, you can tell by the beards who to Oh, wow, you could rob us. It's I can't look away. It's like you could rob you could rob a 7 11 with it And we will we will do that from now on Stop looking around like that. You freak me out Oh, I imagine that's scary. Yeah, imagine that's standing over your bed Yeah, I've got james's keys Dressed like this we should fucking scare people with it. Yeah, let's let's go to james's and i'll just stay in here with this on Who know it's me I think oh, man. I can't take my eyes. I don't why don't want this It's imagine if it's got like a curse on it Imagine if matt killed us Oh Don't do that. That's fucking fucks. Can't oh Masks aren't good. Look at how hot bosley is he's looking at me. I can tell by his body language He's like hurry the fuck up. Yeah, hurry up. I want to go home. Should I open the door? Yes. Yeah, let's have a look at there I'll go out with the mask. I have a feel of that ass prank call time prank call time prank call time prank All right for this week's prank call We're gonna call mcdonald's and darin is gonna try and book in a children's party But he's only gonna do it if they let him bring his own alcohol. Oh, yes I don't know if I can be here Hey, um, how you going? Do you still do them? Um, like uh kids parties and that uh makers? Um, no not at the moment. Sorry just with um Because of covid you can definitely come in and have a party but we don't like host them anymore Right, so if I'll come in with like um, I don't know like maybe like four five kids and that like we can Just sit like outside and put like party hat and that on um, and then Let the kids like have like um fuck around on the playground on that, right? Yeah, yeah, that's all fine. We just don't like we won't have someone hosting for you You're more than welcome to use the party room if it's not in use as well All right, so he's got like a party room and that that's sick. All right. Well, um, if no one's in there We might pop in there. Um, just quickly also Do you do it? Do we do we's we's is it sweet? Is it sweet if we's bring our own like um beers and that like if we just bring like I don't know like I can't know something beers in in the party room or put them on us Have any alcohol just because we don't have like the Approval to have it on this public place. Well, how come it's called party room then like if he's can't even It's just like it's a party room for the children. Yeah, I know. Yeah, the kids would be having some Yeah, of course, but it's not allowed to have alcohol in on our um On your on your proper promises On your promises. Yes, that's a lesson. Thank you. No, that's right. Look Um, what if I like, um, I'll just bring like a backpack, right? We're allowed backpacks to bring backpacks in the party room, right? Yeah, you can bring that. I'm just telling you No, I'm not allowed to drink in the party room. No, no, no. It's all sweet. I saw sweet. I know what you're saying I'll know what you're saying. All right. Oh, you're saying you can't know if no one's drinking in there And and you you haven't I'm telling you right now. Don't don't worry. You don't need to check on nothing We's we've got no pissing down. All right. It's all G ball Now what what days um, if we come in maybe sunday morning sunday morning, maybe like seven a.m. Or something Um, is that is that sweet? Party room. Be sweet. They're pretty much free on the weekends. Yes, it's just usually No, I see Tuesday, Wednesday morning. Yes. Yeah, if you come in, no one's in there No, that's it probably enough. Yeah. Oh sweet and one last thing. Um, look, I've only my son, right? Ezekiel He's only he's only five, right? He doesn't have many, uh, mates. He's only got like three cousins coming Do yous have like, um kids that yous can like Call on that to come and to the party as well So he's got like mates in that or do yous not do yous not like hire out other kids to come to parties in that? No, well, what if what if there's some like in the playground that can I just like Is there like All right, well, um, look I'll come in on sunday morning seven a.m. Do I just need to book nothing or what do I just come in say? Yeah, well five kids, but I'll probably try and get some if there's any playing on the playground on sunday morning Right, which there probably will be I'll try and flick a couple over and get them in the party around with us So maybe like maybe let's say, I don't know maybe nine nine to 15 kids Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Um, I can definitely make a note that you want to use the party room Yeah, mate. Yeah, write that down, mate. Um, also. Yeah, just say, um, you know, we bring like two or three backpacks, but um, that's just for uh supplies like, um sunscreen and you don't need to like Look in that so just make a note say don't look in uh that because that's just for sunscreen Uh, well come on now darling. You gotta you gotta work with me here darling You can't call something a party room, right? And then not even letting me bring in a bring in a backpack. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm crazy Yeah, yeah, no, well, that's what I'm saying, right? I'll bring a backpack in and in the backpack It's just like like shit. You're putting a fucking backpack like, um, I don't know a lot water in that and fucking sunscreen on that Yeah Yeah Oh my god Whoa, dude I couldn't handle it. Why not matt? That was up there just going you were with the rats pacing Matt was enjoying rat wine. Oh, yeah, fuck. I love that. Yeah. Wow. Was that I don't know Is that an acceptable prank call? Yeah Yeah, I'll grab a couple of kids and flick them in there. Oh Darling's like fun now and then Yeah, darling. Last time I was having a good time, can't I? I'm not good on the work so I can't but fucking pull me on a friday and what can I all fucking beam and can't He loves opera Darren is opera can't Oh What's your heart it's a big shake hands and walk off. Is that what we did last time? Is that it? That's it. Yeah, that's it, baby And this is our closing message Whether you're We'll see you guys next week I reckon oh, we got to say we're the best Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we are we are the best. We are the best We are the best. We are the best. We are the best for the best We are the best. We are the best. We are the best. We are the best. Say it together. We are the best. We are the best We are the best. We are the best Oh, man, I'm sweating so much. It's so hot. I gotta go home