 Although it is hurting to accept, the fact remains that there are certain people in our lives who we trust but who are not loyal to us. If someone isn't a good friend to you, it can impact your life negatively. In fact, it is better if they are not your friends at all. Hence, you must pay attention to those red flags that may show that someone is not the friend you think they are. In this video, I'll be sharing with you 9 signs that someone is not your true friend. 1. They only contact you when they want something. Do you have that friend who when you see their calls, you know that they want to ask you for something? This set of people can stay a long time without speaking with you. Even when they see opportunities that will be profitable to you, they will not reach out to you. But when they need something, your number is always on speed dial on their phones. Some people are only friends with you because of what they perceive that you can do for them. Examples of such people include friends who always try to sell out their products or something, who ask to lend money from you over and over again or keep tabs on favors. This friends habitually cross the line between friendship and business. They pay no attention to anything that concerns you, except it will be beneficial to them. 2. You can't count on them. People may say that if you love someone, it does not matter whether or not they reciprocate the kind of gestures you offer them. But then, why would we don't do things for people because we expect them to pay us back? It is only appreciated for a friendship to be one of give and take. The word friendship is related to words such as sharing, mutual and reciprocity. If none of those attributes come to mind when you think about a particular friendship, it might be time to back away. Good companies represent a balance of mutual support even when good friends disagree, they still manage to balance each other out. I'll deal with time. The balance will shift back and forward like you have a life crisis at the time your friend gets a promotion. Real friends will always attempt to share in your success and your struggles no matter the situation they find themselves. You don't have to chat all day or make phone calls often, but you should feel sure that you care for your friend and your friend is for you. Any friend who is never there to celebrate or console you is not a true friend. 3. Talk ill of you when you're not around. If someone is your friend, why would they spread false news about you behind your back? Why would they even discuss you with someone else in a negative manner? Well, you might try to rationalize that kind of behavior by assuming your friend a stat to everyone, but even if they are treating everyone that way, they ought not to do the same to you. When you genuinely care about someone, you talk good about them to others. You don't try to make them look bad just for yourself, to seem better, instead. You stand in for them. When you do something bad, a real friend does not grease your elbow and go behind you to slander you. A good friend defends you when in your absence and corrects you when you are present. 4. They disappear when someone more interesting shows up. Do you have that friend who does not hesitate to throw away your friendship when someone new arrives in the neighborhood? Well, the chances are that your friend probably does not see you as a friend. Part of being in a conditional friendship is that you never know when your friend is going to ditch you for somebody else. It feels like they hang out with you because you're the only available person. So when someone else shows up, you become too dull for them. I am not insinuating that you should not make new friends or mingle with others. However, if you genuinely acknowledge someone as a friend, you will not ignore them just because you met someone new. Fake friends may frequently cancel plans with you. At the last minute, because someone they think will benefit them more, became available. If someone you know does not care about your feelings and dumps you as soon as you seem dull, then this is a sign that they are not your real friends, they just use you for some company, but will jump ship when something they perceive as better comes along. 5. You cannot keep your secrets A person who calls him or herself your friend and yet finds it hard to keep your secret is not your friend at all. Although keeping secrets is hard work, especially when they are juicy secrets, a good friend will not spill. A true friend thinks about the consequences that may arise from letting out what you told them confidently. He or she knows that spilling the secrets could embarrass you or bring harm to you. Hence, they never intentionally put you in such a situation, whereas a lousy friend has no self-control and doesn't care about the consequences of telling your secrets to others. 6. They stop hanging with you when you say no to them Even though everyone wants to get their way all the time, you must understand that you can't always get exactly what you desire. There's a need to make compromises when we're interacting with other people. However, bending your rules does not mean you have to change your beliefs about life or anything. It only means that you should be generous to your friends about smaller things and practice compromising. For instance, if you want to see a movie together but can't agree on what to watch, real friends are flexible enough to come up with an alternate solution. However, if your friend is rigid and is never willing to give up small desires for the sake of a more fantastic friendship, then they're not a good friend. On real friends tend to disappear the moment you say no or introduce a plan that doesn't align with theirs because they want things to always be done on their terms alone. 7. Never help you achieve your dreams A goal can be as mundane as wanting to get a new phone or as massive as wanting to travel abroad to further your education, whatever the goal you want to achieve. You must be attentive enough to notice if your friend always nudges you a little in the direction of what you want because they know you'll be happier that way. Do they try to make it easy for you to do the things you want or do they stand unbothered by the sidelines or worse? Do they drag you away from your goals? Good friends will always keep you on track and try to help you in small ways even if they can't do much. They are problem solvers and they will certainly do anything they can to avoid being the source of problems. For example, if your dream is to gain admission abroad, what role does your friend do? Do they help you research university options or assist you in preparing for your examinations or does your friend ignore what you are doing or even attempt to talk you out of it? 8. Your wants and needs mean nothing to them How does your friend react when you ask for their assistance? Does your friend guilt-trip you or seem uncertain every time you want something? Do they always dismiss your needs and treat them as secondary to their own? Do they make you feel like you don't deserve the things you want or does it always seem like the stuff you wish to have is unnecessary whereas the things your friend wants tends to be justified? Fake friends don't take your needs seriously. Since your wants and needs are a nuisance to them and not crucial to their schedule, they would never address. Even if they fulfill them, it will seem to them like a payment that they have to make to get what they want from you. For real friends, fulfilling the needs and wants of the other person in the relationship is part of the fun. Giving and receiving are equally important. 9. They don't accept you for who you are One of the most apparent signs of a non-true friend is that they treat you differently when you change something about yourself. This means that the person doesn't accept you for who you are, deep inside, they only take you if you fit in with what they think you should be to them. People who exhibit selective friendship are usually not real. A real friend will stick with you no matter what happens. If you get rejected from your first choice of university, if you choose an embarrassing career or if you get married to the wrong person, real friends will continue to be your friends without judgement. They understand that your path is your own, so they will encourage you to be a better version of you. If you need to make a significant life change and your friend tries to distort the growth or ignore you because it does not favor them in the way they want, then you should move away from them because that person is not a true friend. British born Nigerian writer and historian Habib Akande once said, Fake friends are like shadows, always near you at the brightest moments but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour. True friends are like stars, you don't always see them but they are always there.