 Book 8, Chapter 10 of Camilla This is a LibriVox recording, all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Reading by Lars Rolander Camilla or a Picture of Youth by Fanny Burnie, Chapter 10 A youthful effusion Camilla now thought herself safe in harbor, the storms all over, the dangers all past, and but a light gale or two wanting to make good her landing on the bosom of permanent repose. This gale, this propitious gale, she thought ready to blow at her call, for she deemed it no other than the breath of jealousy. She had seen Edgar, though he knew her to be protected, follow her to the coach, and she had seen by the light afforded from the lamps of the carriage, that her safety from the crowd and to mulk was not the sole object of his watchfulness, since though that at the instant she turned round was obviously secure, his countenance exhibited the strongest marks of disturbance. The secret spring, therefore, she now thought that was to reunite them, was in her own possession. All the counsels of Mrs. Albury upon this subject occurred to her, and imagining she had hitherto erred from a simple facility, she'd rejoiced in the accident which had pointed her to a safer path, and shone her that, in the present disordered state of the opinions of Edgar, the only way to a lasting accommodation was to alarm his security, by asserting her own independence. Her difficulty, however, was still considerable as to the means. The severe punishment she had received, and the self-blame and penitence she had incurred from her experiment with Sir Sedley Clarendle, all rendered too abortive by Edgar's contempt of the object, determined her to suffer no hopes, no feelings of her own, to engross her evermore from weighing those of another. The end, therefore, of her deliberation was to shoo general gaiety, without appropriate favor, and to renew solicitude on his part by a displayed ease of mind on her own. Elated with this idea, she determined upon every possible public exhibition by which she could execute it to the best advantage. Mrs. Burlington had but to appear to secure the most fashionable persons at Southampton for her parties, and soon renewed the same course of life she had lived at Tunbridge of seeing company either at home or abroad every day, except when some accidental plan offered a scheme of more novelty. Upon all these occasions, young Westwind, though fully unsought, and even unthought of by Camilla, was instinctively and unconsciously the most alert to second her plan. He was her first partner when she danced, her constant attendant when she walked, and always in wait to converse with her when she was seated. While not purposing to engage him, she perceived not his fast-growing regard and intending to be open to all alike, observed not the thwarting effect to her design of this peculiar acidity. By old Mr. Westwind, this intercourse was yet more urgently forwarded. Bewitched with Camilla, he carried his son to her wherever she appeared, and said aloud to everybody but herself, If the boy and girl like one another they shall have one another, and I won't inquire what she's worth, for she thinks so well of my son, that I'd rather he'd have her than an empress. Money goes but a little way to make people happy, and true love's not a thing to be got every day. So if she has a mind to my hell, and hell has a mind to her, why if they have not enough, he must work hard and get more, I don't like to cross young people, better let the man labor with his hands, than fret away his spirit, neither boy nor a girl are good for much when they've got their heads broke. This new experiment of Camilla, like every other deduced from false reasoning, and formed upon false principles, was flattering in its promise, pernicious in its progress, and abortive in its performance. Edgar saw with agony what he conceived the ascendance of a new attachment built upon the declension of all regard for himself, and in the first horror of his apprehensions, would have resisted the supplanter by enforcing his own final claim. But Dr. Marchmont represented that since he had heard in silence his right to that claim solemnly withdrawn, he had better first ascertain if this apparent connection with young Westwin were the motive or only the consequence of that resumption. If the first be the case, he added, you must trust her no more, a heart so inflammable as to be kindled into passion by a mere accidental blaze of gallantry and valor, can have nothing in consonance with the chaste purity and fidelity your character requires and merits. If the last investigate whether the net in which she is entangling herself is that of levity, delighting in change, or of peak, disguising its own agitation in efforts to agitate others. Alas! cried the melancholy Edgar. In either case she is no more the artless Camilla I first adored. The fatal connection at the groove, formed while her a character, pure, white, and spotless, was in its enchanting but dangerous state of first ductility, has already broken into that clear, transparent singleness of mind, so beautiful in its total ignorance of every species of scheme, every sort of double mesher, every idea of secret view and latent expedient. Repie not, however, at the connection till you know whether she owe it to her defects or only their manifestation. A man should see the woman, he would marry in many situations, ere he can judge what chance he may have of happiness with her in any. So now and then, disoblessed is always a perilous state, but the man who has to weather its storms should not be remiss in studying the clouds which precede them. Ah, doctor, by this delay, by this experiments, should I lose her? If by finding her unworthy, where is the loss? Edgar sighed but acknowledged this question to be unanswerable. Think, my dear young friend, what would be your sufferings to discover any radical inherent failing, when irremediately hers? Run not into the very common error of depending upon the gratitude of your wife after marriage, for the inequality of her fortune before your union. She who has no fortune at all owes you no more for your reliance than she who has thousands, for you do not marry her because she has no fortune, you marry her because you think she has some endowment, mental or personal, which you conclude will conduce to your happiness, and she on her part accepts you because she supposes you or your situation will contribute to hers. The object may be different, but neither side is indebted to the other, since each has self, only in contemplation, and thus in fact rich or poor, high or low, whatever be the previous distinction between the parties, on the hour of marriage they begin as equals. The obligation and the depth of gratitude can only commence when the knot is tied. Self then may give way to sympathy, and whichever from that moment most considers the other becomes immediately the creditor in the great account of life and happiness. While Camilla in gay ignorance of danger and awake only to hope pursued her new course Eugenia had the infinite delight of improving daily and even hourly in the good graces of Mrs. Burlington, who soon discovered how wide from justice to that excellent young creature was all judgment that could be formed from her appearance. She found that she was as elegant in her taste for letters as herself, and far more deeply cultivated in their knowledge, that her manners were gentle, her sentiments were elevated, yet that her mind was humble, the same authors delighted and the same passages struck them. They met every morning, they thought every morning too short, and their friendship, in a very few days, knit by so many bands of sympathy, was as fully established as that which already Mrs. Burlington had formed with Camilla. To Eugenia this treaty of amity was a delicious poison, while it enchanted her faculties by day, preyed upon her vitals by night. She frequently saw Melmont, and though a melancholy bow was almost all the notice she ever obtained from him, the countenance with which he made it, his air, his figure, his face, nay his very dress, for the half-instant he bestowed upon her, occupied all her thoughts till she saw him again, and had another to con over and dwell upon. But inexpressively wretched at the deprivation of all hope of Indiana, at the very period when fortune seemed to favor his again pursuing her, dreamt not of this partiality. His time was devoted to deliberating upon some lucrative scheme of future life, which his little return of mind rendered difficult of selection, and which his refined love of study and retirement made hateful to him to undertake. He was kind, however, and even consoling to his aunt, who saw his nearly desolate state with a compunction bitterly increased by finding she had thrown their joint properties with her own person into the hands of a rapacious tyrant. To soften her repentance and allow her the soothing of all she could spare of her own time, Mrs. Burlington invited her to her own house. Her aunt, of course, included in the invitation, made the removal with alacrity, not for the pleasure it procured his wife, but for the money it saved himself. And Mrs. Mitten voluntarily resigned to them the apartment she had chosen for her own, by way of a little peace offering for her undecided length of stay. For still, though incessantly Camilla inquired for her account, she had received no answer from the creditors, and was obliged to wait for another and another post. Mrs. Stahls, though not well enough at present to seek company, and at all times fanatically averse to every species of recreation, could not entirely avoid Eudinia, whose visits were constant every morning, and whose expected inheritance made a similar wish occur for her nephew with that which had disposed of her niece, for she flattered herself that if once she could see them both in possession of great wealth, her mind would be more at ease. She communicated this idea to Mr. Alst, who, most willing also to get rid of the reproach of the poverty and ruin of Melmont, imparted it with strong exhortation for his promotion to the young man, but he heard with disdain the mercenary project, and protested he would daily labor for his bread, in preference to prostituting his property by soliciting a regard he could never return for the acquirement of a fortune which he never could merit. Mr. Alst much too hard to feel this as any reflection upon himself, applied for the interest of Mrs. Burlington, but she so completely thought with her brother that she would not interfere, till Mr. Alst made some observations upon Eudinia herself that inclined her to waver. He soon remarked in that young and artless character the symptoms of the partiality she had conceived in favor of Melmont, which, when once pointed out, could not be mistaken by Mrs. Burlington, who, though more than equally susceptible with Eudinia, was self-occupied, and saw neither her emotion at his name, nor her timid air at his approach, till Mr. Alst, whose discernment had been quickened by his wishes, told her when and for what to look. Much now herself by the double happiness that might ensue from a gratified choice to Eudinia, and a noble fortune to her brother, she took up the course with delicacy, yet with pity, representing all the charming mental and intellectual accomplishments of Eudinia, and beseeching him not to sacrifice both his interest and his peace in submitting to a hopeless passion for one object, while he inflicted all its horrors upon another. Not amazed and softened, listened, and sighed, but protested such a change from all of beauty to all of deformity was impracticable, and that though he revered the character she painted, and was sensible to the honor of such a preference, he must be base, double, and perjured to take advantage of her great, yet unaccountable goodness by heartless professions of faint participation. Mrs. Burlington, to whom sentiment was irresistible, urged the matter no longer, but wept over her brother with compassionate admiration. Another day only passed when Mrs. Mitten picked up a paper upon the stairs, which she saw fall from the pocket of Eudinia, in drawing out her handkerchief, but which, determined to read ere she returned, she found contained these lines. O recent friend of the troubled breast, guide of the wayward fancy, moderator of the flights of hope, and sinkings of despair, Eudinia calls thee. O, to a feeble suppliant maid, light of recent, lend thy aid, and with thy mild thy lucid ray, point her the way, to genial calm and mental joy, from passion far whose flash is bright. Startle of fright, yet are invite, with varying powers attract repel, now fiercely beam, now softly gleam, with magic spell. Charmed to consume, wind to destroy, a leader from the checkered glare, so false, so fair, a quick from passion bidder fly, its sway repulse, its wiles defy, and to a feeble suppliant heart, thy aid or recent light impart. Next Eudinia, point thy prayer, that he whom all thy wishes bless, whom all thy tenderest thoughts confess, thy calm may prove, thy peace may share. O, if the griefs to him assigned, to thee might pass thy strengthened mind, would meet all woe, support all pain, suffering, despise, complaint, disdain, brazed with new nerves each ill, would brave, from melmon but one pang to save. Overjoyed by the possession of the important secret, this little juvenile effusion of tenderness betrayed, Mrs. Mitten ran with it to Mrs. Burlington, and without mentioning she had seen whence the paper came, said she had found it upon the stairs, for even those who have too little delicacy to attribute to treachery a clandestine indulgence of curiosity, have a certain instinctive sense of its unfairness, which they have ince without avowing, by the care with which they soften their motives or their manner of according themselves this species of gratification. Mrs. Burlington, who scrupulously would have withheld from looking into a letter, could not see a copy of verses and recognized the hand of Eugenia, already known to her by frequent notes, and refrain reading, that she should find anything personal did not occur to her, to peruse, therefore, a manuscript odor or sonnet, which the humility of Eugenia might never voluntarily reveal, caused her no hesitation, and she ran through the lines with the warmest delight, till coming suddenly upon the end, she burst into tears, and flew to the apartment of her brother. She put the paper into his hand without a word. He read it hastily, surprised, confounded, disordered. He looked at his sister for some explanation or common. She was still silently in tears. He read it again, and with yet greater emotion when holding it back to her. Why, my sister, he cried, why would she give you this? Why would you deliver it? I'll leave me in pity, firm in integrity, though fallen in fortune. My brother, my dear brother, this matchless creature marries not so degrading an idea. She gave me not the precious paper. She knows not I possess it. It was found upon the stairs. Ah, far from thus openly confessing her unhappy prepossession, she conceals it from every human being. Even her beloved sister, I am convinced, is untrusted. Upon paper only she has breathed it, and breathed it, as you see, with the generosity of soul that is equal to the delicacy of our conduct. Melmont now felt subdued to have excited such a regard in a mind that seemed so highly cultivated, and so naturally elegant, could not fail to touch him, and the concluding line deeply penetrated him with tender, though melancholy gratitude. He took the hand of his sister, returned her the paper, and was going to say, Do whatever you think proper. But the idea of losing all right to adore Indiana checked and silenced him, and mournfully telling her he required a little time for reflection, he untreated to be left to himself. He was not suffered to ruminate in quiet. Mrs. Meakin, proud of having anything to communicate to a relation of Mrs. Burlington's, made an opportunity to sit with Mrs. Alst, purposely to communicate to her the discovery that Mrs. Eugenia Tyrol was in love with, and wrote verses upon her nephew. Melmont was instantly sent for. The important secret was enlarged upon with remonstrances so pathetic, not to throw away such an invitation to the most brilliant good fortune, in order to cast himself with his vainly nourished passion upon immediate hardships, or lasting penury that reason as well as interest compelled him to listen. And after a severe conflict, he gave his reluctant promise to see Eugenia upon our next visit, and endeavour to bias his mind to the connection that seemed likely to ensue. Camilla, who was in total ignorance of the whole of this business, received during the dinner an incoherent note from her sister, conjuring that she would search immediately, but privately in her own chamber, in the dressing-room of Mrs. Burlington, in the hall, and upon the stairs, for a paper in her handwriting, which she had somewhere lost, but which she besought her, by all that she held dear, not to read when she found, protesting she should shut herself up forever from the whole world, if a syllable of what she had written on that paper were read by a human being. Camilla could not endure to keep her sister a moment in this suspensive state, and made an excuse for quitting the table that she might instantly seek the manuscript. Melmond and Mrs. Burlington both conjectured the contents of the billet, and felt much for the modest and timid Eugenia, but Mrs. Mitten could not confine herself to silent suggestion. She rose also, and running after Camilla said, My dear miss, has your sister sent to you to look for anything? Camilla asked the meaning of her inquiry, and she then owed she had picked up from the stairs a sort of love letter in which Miss Eugenia had wrote couplets upon Mr. Melmond. In expressly astonished, Camilla demanded their restoration. This soon produced a complete explanation. And while with equal surprise and concern she learned the secret of Eugenia, and its discovery to its object, she could not but respect and honor all she gathered from Mrs. Burlington of the behavior of her brother upon the detection. And his equal freedom from presumptuous vanity or mercenary projects induced her to believe her sister's choice, the fully new to her was well founded, and that if he could conquer his early propensity for Indiana, he seemed of all the characters she knew, he had got alone and always accepted, the most peculiarly formed for the happiness of Eugenia. She begged to have the paper, and in treated her sister might never know into whose hands it had fallen. This was cheerfully agreed to, but Mrs. Mitten during the conference had already flown to Eugenia, and amidst the torrent of offers of service and professions of power to do anything she pleased for her, suffered her to see that her attachment was betrayed to the whole house. The agony of Eugenia was excessive, and she resolved to keep her chamber till she returned to Cleves, that she might neither see nor be seen any more by Melmond nor his family. Scares could she bear to be broken in upon even by Camilla, who tenderly hastened to console her. She hid her blushing conscious face, and protested she would inhabit only her own apartment for the rest of her life. The active Mrs. Mitten failed not to carry back the history of this resolution, and Melmond to his unspeakable regret in being thus precipitated, thought himself called upon in all decency and propriety to an immediate declaration. He could not, however, assume fortitude to make it in person, nor yet was his mind sufficiently composed for writing. He commissioned therefore his sister to be the bearer of his overtures. He charged her to make no mention of the verses, which it was fitting she would on his part pass unnoticed, though she could not but be sensible his present address was their consequence. He desired her simply to state his high reverence for her virtues and talents, and his consciousness of the inadequacy of his pretensions to any claim upon them. Except what arose from the grateful integrity of his team, with which her happiness should become the first object of his future life, if she forbade not his application for the consent of Sir Yuke and Mr. Tyrell to solicit her favor. With respect to Indiana he begged her undisquestioned to be fully silent, to say his flame for that adorable creature was extinguished would be utterly false, but his peace as much as his honor would lead him to combat henceforth by all the means in his power his ill-fated and woe-teaming passion. This commission was in perfect consonance with the feelings of Mrs. Burlington, who, though with difficulty she gained admission, executed it with the most tender delicacy to the terrified eugenia, who amased and trembling, pale and incredulous, so little understood what she heard, so little was able to believe what she wished, that when Mrs. Burlington, with an affectionate embrace, begged her answer, she asked if it was not Indiana of whom she was speaking. Mrs. Burlington then thought it right to be explicit. She acknowledged the early passion of her brother for that young lady, but stated that long before he had ventured to think of herself, he had determined its conquest, and that what originally was the prudence of compulsion was now from his altered prospects in life become choice. And believe me, Adishie, from my long and complete knowledge of the honor and the delicacy of his opinion, as well as of the tenderness and gratitude of his nature, the woman who shall once receive his vows will find his life devoted to the study of her happiness. Teugenia flew into her arms, hung upon her bosom, wept, blushed, smiled and sighed alternately, one moment wished Indiana in possession of her fortune, the next thought she herself in all but beauty, more formed for his felicity, and ultimately gave her tacit but transported consent to the application. Melmont upon receiving it, he'd what he fondly hoped would be his last sigh for Indiana, and ordering his horse set off immediately for Cleaves and Edrington, determined frankly to state his small income and crushed expectations, and feeling almost equally indifferent to acceptance or rejection. Camilla devoted the afternoon to her agitated but enraptured sister, who desired her secret might spread no further till the will of her father and uncle should decide its fate, but the loquacious Mrs. Mitton, having some cheap ribbons and fine edgings to recommend to Miss Margilland and Indiana, could by no means refrain from informing them at the same time of the discovered manuscript. Poor thing, cried Indiana. I really pity her, I don't think, imperceptibly gliding towards the glass. I don't think by what I have seen of Mr. Melmont she has much chance. I have a notion he's rather more difficult. Really, this is what I always expected, said Miss Margilland. It's just exactly what one might look for from one of your learned educations, which I always despised with all my heart, writing love verses at fifteen. Dr. Orkborn's made a fine hand over. I always hated him from the very first. However, I've had nothing to do with the bringing her up. That's my consolation. I thank heaven. I never made a verse in my life, and I never intend it. End of Chapter 10. Read by Lars Rolander. Book 8, Chapter 11 of Camilla. This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Reading by Lars Rolander. Camilla or a Picture of Youth by Fanny Burney. Chapter 11. The Computations of Self Love Camilla left her sister to accompany Mrs. Burlington to the rooms, no other mode remaining for seeing Edgar, who since her rejection had held back from repeating his attempt of visiting Mrs. Burlington. In mutual solicitude, mutual watchfulness and mutual trials of each other's hearts and esteem, a week had already passed without one hope being extirpated or one doubt allied. This evening was somewhat more, though less pleasantly decisive. Accident want of due consideration and sudden recollection, in an agitated moment of the worldly doctrine of Mrs. Arbery, had led Camilla once more into the semblance of a character which without thinking of she was acting. Born simple and ingenious and bred to hold in horror every species of art, all idea of cocketry was foreign to her meaning, though an untoward contrarity of circumstances, laying upon feelings to pretend for deliberations, had eluded her into a conduct as mischievous in its effects and as wide from artlessness in its appearance, as if she had been brought up and nourished in fashionable equities. Such, however, was not Camilla. Her every propensity was pure, and when reflection came to her aid, her conduct was as exemplary as her wishes. But the ardour of her imagination acted upon every passing idea, shook her judgment from its yet unsteady seat, and left her at the mercy of wayward sensibility, that delicate but irregular power which now impels to all that is most disinterested for others, now forgets all mankind to watch the pulsations of its own fancies. This evening brought her back to recollection. Young Westwin urged by what he deemed encouragement and prompted by his impatient father spoke of his intended visit to Cleves and introduction to Sir Yu in terms of such animated pleasure and with a manner of such open admiration that she could not mistake the serious purposes which he meant to imply. Alarned she looked at him, but the expression of his eyes was not such as to steal her suspicions. Frightened at what now she first observed, she turned from him gravely, meaning to avoid conversing with him the rest of the evening. But her caution came too late. Her first civilities had flattered both him and his father into a belief of her favor, and this sudden drawback he imputed only to Virgin Modesty, which but added to the fervour of his devours. Camilla now perceived her own error, the perseverance of Young Westwin not merely startled but appalled her. His character, unassuming though spirited, was marked by a general decency and propriety of demeanour that would not presumptuously brave distancing and awakened her, therefore, to a review of her own conduct, as it related or as it might seem to himself. And here not all the guiltlessness of her intentions could exonerate her from blame, with that finely scrutinizing monitor to which heaven in pity to those evil propensities that law cannot touch, nor society reclaim has devolved its earthly jurisdiction in the human breast. With her hopes she could play, with her wishes she could trifle, her intentions she could defend, her designs she could relinquish, but with her conscience she could not combat. It pointed beyond the present moment. It took her back to her imprudence with Sir Sedley Clarendon, which should have taught her more circumspection. And it carried her on to the disappointment of Henry and his father, whom while heedlessly she had won, though without the most remote view to be yield, she might seem artfully to have caught for the wanton vanity of rejecting. While advice and retrospection were thus alike oppressive in accusation, her pensive air and withdrawn smiles proved but more endearing to young Westwind, whose internal interpretation was so little adapted to render them formidable, that his acid duties were but more tender and allowed her no response. Edgar, who with the most suffering suspense observed her unusual seriousness and its effect upon Henry, drew from it with the customary ingenuity of sensitive minds to torment themselves, the same inference for his causeless torture, as proved to his rival a delusive blessing. But while thus he contemplated Henry as the most to be envied of mortals, a new scene called forth new surprise, and gave birth to yet new doubts in his mind. He saw Camilla not merely turn folly away from his rival, but enter into conversation, and give apparently her whole attention to Lord Valhurst, who, it was palpable, only spoke to her over charms, which alternately with also Mrs. Burlington he devoted his whole time to worshipping. Camilla by this action meant simply to take the quickest road she saw inner power to show young Westwind his mistake. Lord Valhurst she held nearly in a version, for though his vindication of his upright motives at the bathing-house joined her indifference in considering him either guilty or innocent, made her conclude he might be blameless in that transaction. His perpetual compliments enforced by staring eyes and tender glances wearied and disgusted her. But he was always by her side when not in the same position with Mrs. Burlington, and while his readiness to engage her made this her easiest expedient, his time of life persuaded her it was the safest. Little aware of the effect this produced upon Edgar, she imagined he would not more notice her in any conversation with Lord Valhurst than if she were discoursing with her uncle. But while she judged from the sincerity of reality, she thought not of the mischief of her parents. What in her was designed with innocence was rendered suspicious to the observers by the looks and manners of her companion. The pleasure with which he found at last that incense recede which he the two had been slighted gave new zest to an odolation which, while coming land you would merely to show her coldness to young Westwin seemed to Edgar to be offered with a gross presumption of welcome that must result from an opinion it was addressed to a confirmed coquette. Offended in his inmost soul by this idea, his scares decide to know if she were now stimulated most by a wish to torment Henry or himself or only by the general pleasure she found in this new mode of amusement. Be it, cried it Dr. Marchman, as it may with me all is equally over, I seek not to recall an attachment liable to such intermissions, such commotions. What would be my peace, my tranquility with a companion so unstable, a mind all at large in its pursuits, a dissipated wife? No, I will remain here but to let her know I acquiesce in her dismission and to learn in what form she has communicated our breach to her friends. Dr. Marchman was silent and they walked out of the room together, leaving the deceived Camilla persuaded he was so indifferent with regard to the old pair that all her influence was lost and all her late exertions were thrown away by one evening's remissness in exciting his fears of a young rival. Melmont returned to Southampton the next morning with an air of deep and settled melancholy. He had found the two brothers together and the candour of his appearance, the plainness of his declaration, the openness with which he stated his situation and his near relationship to Mrs. Burlington procured him a courteous hearing and he soon saw that both the father and the uncle though they decide time for consideration and inquiry were disposed to favour him. Mr. Tyrold though to his acknowledged recent disappointment of fortune he attributed his address had so little hope that any man at once amable and rich would present himself to his unfortunate eugenia that when he saw a gentleman well educated well allied of pleasing manners and with every external promise of a good and feeling character modestly and with no professions but of esteem and respect seek her of her friends he thought himself not even entitled to refuse him. He told him however that he could conclude upon nothing in a matter of such equal interest to himself and his wife without her knowledge and concurrence and that during the time he demanded before he gave a final answer he required a forbearance of all intercourse beyond that of a common acquaintance. His first design was immediately to send for eugenia home but the young man appeared so reasonable so mild so unlike a fortune hunter that constitutionally indulgent where he apprehended nothing criminal he contented himself with writing to the same effect to eugenia fully satisfied our scrupulous punctuality when once his will was known. Melmont though thus well received returned back to Southampton with any heir rather than that of a bridegroom. The order not to wait upon eugenia in private was the only part of his task he performed with satisfaction for though a mind really virtuous made him wish to conquer his repugnance to his future partner he felt it could not be by comparing her with Indiana. Eugenia received the letter of her father written in his own and her uncle's name with transport and to testify her grateful obedience resolved to name the impending transaction to no one and even to relinquish her visits to Mrs. Burlington and only to see Melmont when accident brought him before her in public. But Mrs. Mitten through words casually dropped or conversations not very delicately overheard soon gathered the particulars of her situation which happily furnished her with a new subject for a gossiping visit to Miss Marglund and Indiana. The first of these ladies received the news with unconcern rather pleased than otherwise that the temptation of an heiress should be removed from any rivalry with the charms of her fair pupil who by no means however listened to the account with equal indifference. The sight of Melmont at Southampton with the circumstance of his being brother to the honourable Mrs. Burlington had awakened all the pleasure with which she had first met his impassioned admiration. And while she hotly expected from every public exhibition to bring home hearts by dozens, the secret point she had in view was showing Melmont that her power over others was as mighty as it had been over himself. She had not taken the trouble to ask with what end, what was past never afforded her an observation, what was to come never called forth an idea. Occupied only by the present moment, things gone remained upon her memory, but as matters of fact, and all her expectations she looked forward to, but as matters of course. To lose, therefore, a conquest she had thought the victim of her beauty for life was a surprise nearly incredible to lose him to Judea and her front scarcely supportable, and she waited but an opportunity to kill him with her disdain. But Melmont who dreaded nothing so much as an interview availed himself of the commands so Mr. Tyrol in not going to the lodgings of Judea and lived absorbed in a melancholy retirement which books alone could a little alleviate. The conclusion of the letter of Mr. Tyrol gave to Camilla as much pain as every other part of it gave to Judea pleasure. It was an earnest and parentally tender prayer that the alliance with Melmont should his worth appear such as to authorize its taking place might prove the counterpart to the happiness so sweetly promised from that of her sister with Edgar. While Camilla sighed consider how wide from the certainty with which he mentioned it was such an event she blushed that he should thus be uninformed of her insecurity but while a reconciliation was not more her hope than her expectation with every rising sun she could not endure to break his repose with the knowledge of a suspense she's thought as disgraceful as it was unhappy yet her present scheme to accelerate its termination became difficult even of trial. The obviously serious regard of Henry was a continual reproach to her and the undisguised approbation of his father was equally painful yet she could now only escape them by turning to some other and that other was necessarily Lord Valhurst whose close seek to her notice forced off every assailant but himself. This the deluded Camilla thought an expedient the most inoxious and gave to him so much of a time that his susceptibility to the charms of youth and beauty was put to a trial beyond his fortitude and in a very few days notwithstanding their disproportion in age he's embarrassed though large estates and the little or no fortune which he had in view he determined to marry her for when a man or rank and riches resolves to propose himself to a woman who has neither he conceives his acceptance not a matter of doubt in any other society his admiration of Camilla might easily like what he had already experienced and forgotten for thousands of her sex have escaped so grave or decided a tendency but in Mrs. Burlington he saw so much of youth and beauty bestowed upon a man whom he knew to be his own senior in age that the idea of a handsome young wife was perpetually present to him he weighed like all people who seek to entice themselves to their own wishes but one side of the question and risked like all who succeed in such self seduction the inconvenience of finding out the other side too late he saw the attractions of his fair kinswoman but neglected to consider of how little avail they were to her husband he thought with exultation of that husband's age and almost childishness but forgot to take into the scales that they had obtained from his youthful choice only disgust and avoidance while he waited for some trinkets which he had ordered from town to have ready for presenting with his proposals Edgar only sought an opportunity and courage to take his last farewell whenever Camilla was so much engaged with others that it was impossible to approach her he thought himself capable of uttering an eternal adieu but when by any opening he saw where and how he might address her his feet refused to move his tongue became parched and his pleading heart seemed exclaiming oh not tonight yet yet another day here Camilla is parted with forever but suddenly soon after Camilla ceased to appear at the rooms at the place at the balls and at the private assemblies Edgar looked for her in vain her old adulator also vanished from public places while her young admirer and his father who would about in them as usual but spiritless comfortless and as if in the same search as himself End of Chapter 11 Read by Lars Rolander Book 8 Chapter 12 of Camilla This is a LibriVox recording or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Reading by Lars Rolander Camilla or a picture of youth by Fanny Burney Chapter 12 Juvenile Calculations Mrs. Norfield a lady whom circumstances had brought into some intimacy with Mrs. Burlington upon her marriage had endeavored from the first of her entrance into high life to draw her into a love of play not with an idea of doing her any mischief for she was no more her enemy than her friend but to answer her own purposes of having a faro table under her own direction She was a woman of fashion and as such everywhere received but her fortune was small and her passion for gaming inordinate and as there was not at this time one faro table at Southampton with her she was ordered for her health she was almost wearied into a lethargy till her reiterated entreaties prevailed at length with Mrs. Burlington to hold one at her own house The fatigued life without view the peril of talents without prudence and the satiety of pleasure without intermission were already dangerously assaulting the early independence and the moment of vacancy and weariness was seized by Mrs. Norfield to press the essay of a new mode of amusement Mrs. Burlington's house opened failed not to be filled and opened for a faro table to be filled with a peculiar set to game has unfortunately always its attractions to game with a perfect novice is not what will render it less alluring and to see that novice rich and beautiful is still less likely to be repelling Mr. Burlington when he made this marriage supposed he had engaged for life a fair nurse to his infirmities but when he saw her fixed aversion he had not spirit or cope with it and when she had always an excuse for a separation he had not the sense to quaint himself how she passed her time in his absence a natural imbecility of mine was now nearly virgin upon dotage and as he rarely quitted his room but at mealtimes she made a point never to see him in any other part of the day her antipathy rendered her objuret though her disposition was gentle and she had now left him at Tunbridge to meet her aunt at Southampton with the knowledge she was too ill to follow her and a determination upon various pretences to stay away from him for some months the ill fate of such unequal alliances is almost daily exemplified in life and though few young brides of old bridegrooms fly their mates thus openly and decidedly their retainers have seldom much cause to rejoice in superior happiness since they are generally regarded but as the jailers of their young prey moderation was the last praise to which mrs. Burlington had any claim what she entered upon through persecution in an interval of mental supinus she was soon awake to as a pleasure and next pursued as a passion her beloved correspondent was neglected her favorite authors were set aside her country rambles were given up balls and the runes were forgotten and Faro alone engrossed her faculties by day and her dreams during the short epoch she reserved for sleep at night she lost as might be expected as constantly as she played but as money was not what she naturally valued she disdained to weigh that circumstance and so long as she had any to pay resign it with more grace than by others it was one that Camilla was not caught by this Routinius fascination was not simply the effect on necessity had the state of her finances been as flourishing as it was decayed she would have been equally steady in this forbearance her reasons was fair though her feelings frequently cast it from the field she looked on therefore with safety though not fully with indifference she had too much fancy not to be mused by the spirit of the business and was too animated not to take part in the successive hopes and fears of the several competitors but though her quick sensations prompted a readiness like that of Mrs. Burlington to enter warmly into all that was presented to her the resemblance went no further what she was once convinced was wrong she was incapable of practicing upon gaming the first feeling and the latest reflection are commonly one both pointed hazards to be unnecessary its purposes rapacious and its end desperate loss or destructive gain she not only therefore held back she took the liberty upon the privilege of their avowed friendship to remonstrate against this dangerous pastime with Mrs. Burlington but that lady though eminently designed to be aimable had now contracted the fearful habit of giving way to every propensity and finding her native notions of happiness were blighted in the bud concluded that all which now remain for her was the indulgence of every luxury she heard with sweetness the expostulation of her young friend but she pursued her own course in a very few days however while the blush of shame died her beautiful cheeks she inquired if Camilla could lend her a little ready money her blush of no less unpleasant feelings overspread the face of her fair guest in being compelled to own she had none to lend but she eagerly promised to procure some from Mrs. Mitten who had a note in her hand to exchange for the payment of some small debts contracted a ton bridge Mrs. Burlington gathering from her confusion how ill she was stored would not hear of applying to this resource though I hate she cried to be indebted to that odious old cousin of whom I was obliged to borrow last night glaring imprudence in others is a lesson even to the most unthinking Camilla when she found that Mrs. Burlington had lost every guinea she could command ventured to renew still more forcibly her exhortations against the faro table but Mrs. Burlington notwithstanding she possessed an excellent capacity was so little fortified with any practical tenets either of religion or morality that where sentiment did not take the part of what was right she had no preservative against what was strong the faro table therefore was still open and Lord Valhurst by the some sealant obtained every privilege of intimacy in the family except that of being welcome against this perilous mode of proceeding Camilla was not the only warner Mrs. Alst saw with extreme repugnance the mode of life her niece was pursuing and reprimanded her with severe reproach but her influence was now lost and Mrs. Burlington though she kindly tended her and sought to alleviate her sufferings acted as if she were not in existence it was now Mrs. Mitten gain the highest point of her ambition Mrs. Burlington tired of remonstrances she could not controvert and would not observe was extremely relieved by finding a person who would sit with her aunt comply with her humours hear her lamentations subscribe to her opinions and beguile her of rigid fretfulness by the amusement of gossiping anecdotes Mrs. Mitten had began life as the apprentice to a small country milliner but had rendered herself so useful to a sick elderly gentlewoman who lodged in the house that she left her a legacy which by sinking into an annuity enabled her to quit her business and set up in her own conception for a gentle woman herself though with so very small an income that to sustain her new post she was frequently reduced to far greater dependence and hardships than she experienced in her old one she was good humoured yet laborious gay yet subservient poor yet dissipated to be useful she would submit to any drudgery to become agreeable devoted herself to any flattery to please was her incessant desire and her rage for popularity included every rank and class of society the more eminent of course were her first objects but the same aim descended to the lowest she would work read go of errands or cook a dinner be a parasite a spy an attendant a drudge keep a secret or spread a report incite a quarrel or coax contending parties into peace inventing any expedient and execute any scheme all with the pretext to bludge others but all in fact for simple egotis as prevalent in her mind as in that of the more highly ambitious the meaner and less dangerous camila was much relieved when she found this officious person was no longer retained solely upon her account but still she could neither obtain her bills no answers ever arriving nor the money for her 20 pound note mrs. mitten always awaiting to deliver it and asserting she was sure somebody would come in the stage the next day for the payment she had promised and when camila wanted cash for any of the very few articles she now allowed herself to think indispensable instead of restoring it into her hands she flew out herself to purchase the goods that were required and always brought them home with assurance they were cheaper than the shopkeepers would let her have them for herself camila resisted all incitements to new dress and new ornaments with a fortitude which must not be judged by the aged nor the retired who weighing only the frivolity of what she withstood are not qualified to appreciate the merit of this sort of resignation the young the gay the new in life who know that amongst minor calamities none are more alarming to the juvenile breast than the fear of not appearing initiated in the reigning modes can alone do justice to the present philosophy of camila in seeing that all she wore by the quick changes of fashion seemed already out of date in refusing to look at the perpetual diversity of apparel daily brought by various dress modelers for the approbation of mrs. Burlington and in seeing that lady always newly rightly and in a distinguished manner retired yet appearing by her side in exactly the same array that she had constantly worn a ton bridge nor was camila indifferent to this contrast but she submitted to it as the duty of her present involved situation which exacted from her every privation in preference to bestowing upon any new expense the only sum she could command towards clearing what was passed but after a very short time the little wardrobe exhibited a worse quality than that of not keeping pace with the lost devices of the ton it lost not merely its newness but its delicacy alas thought she how long in the careful and rare wear of aetherington and cleaves all this would have served me while here in this daily use a fortnight is scarce past yet all is spoiled and destroyed ah public places are only for the rich now therefore mrs. mitten was of serious utility she failed not to observe the declining state of her attire and though she wandered at the parsimony which so resolutely prohibited all orders for its renewal in a young lady she considered as so great an aries she was yet proud to display her various powers approving serviceable she turned changed rubbed cleaned and new made up all the several articles of which her dress was composed to so much advantage and with such striking effect that for yet a few days more all seemed renewed and by the arts of some few alterations her appearance was rather more than less fashionable than upon her first arrival but this could not last long and when all again was fading into a state of decay mrs. burlington received an invitation for herself and her fair guest to a great ball and supper given upon the occasion of a young nobleman's coming of age in which all the dancers by agreement were to be habited in uniform this uniform was to be clear fine lawn with liliac plumes and ornaments camila had now with consuming regret passed several days without one sight of edgar this invitation therefore which was general to all the company at south hampton was in its first sound delicious but became upon consideration the reverse clear lawn and liliac plumes and ornaments she had none how to go she knew not yet edgar she was sure would be there how to stay away she knew less this was a severe moment to her courage she felt it faltering and putting down the card of invitation without the force of desiring mrs. burlington to make her excuse prepared her own room terrified by the preponderance of her wishes to a consent which she knew her situation rendered unwarrantable there however though she gained time for reflection she gathered not the resolution she sought the state south hampton by the desire of linmer had been lengthened yet only week remained before she must return to her father and her uncle but how return separated from edgar edgar whom she still believed she had only to see again in some more auspicious moment to reconquer and fix for life but when and where might that auspicious moment be looked for not at mrs. burlington's there he no more attempted to visit not at the rooms those regions were decidedly relinquished and all general invitations were inadequate to draw mrs. burlington from her new pursuit where then was this happy explanation to pass when our wishes can only be gratified with difficulty we conclude in the order of combating their obstacle that to lose them is to lose everything to obtain them is to ensure all good at this ball and this supper camila painted edgar completely restored to her she was certain he would dance with her she was sure he would seek by no one else during the repost the many days since they had met would endear to him every moment they could now spend together and her active imagination soon worked obscene so important from this evening that she next persuaded her belief that all chance of reconciliation hung folly upon the meeting it offered impelled by this notion yet wavering dissatisfied and uncomfortable she summoned mrs. mitten and in treated she would make such inquiries concerning the value of the boldress uniform as would enable her to estimate its entire expense her hours passed now in extreme disquietude for while all her hopes centered in the approaching festival the estimate which was to determine her power of enjoying it was by no means easy to procure mrs. mitten though an adept in such matters took more pleasure in the parade than in the performance of her task and always answered her inquiries that it was impossible to speak so soon that she must go to such another shop first that she must consult with such and such a person and that she must consider of a more closely the orders given by mrs. burlington which were to be her direction though with the stipulation of having materials much cheaper and more common at length however she burst into her room one morning before she was stressed saying no my dear miss i hope i shall make you happy and displayed upon the bed a beautiful piece of fine lawn camilla examined and admired it asked what it was a yard and how much wood suffice for the dress why my dear i'll answer for it there's enough for three whole dresses why it's a whole piece and i dare say i can get a handkerchief and an apron out of it into the bargain but i want neither handkerchief nor apron nor three dresses mrs. mitten i shall take the smallest quantity that is possible if i take any at all mrs. mitten said that the man would not cut it and she must take the whole or none camilla was amazed she could so far have misunderstood her as to bring it upon such terms and beg she would carry it back may if you don't take this my dear there's nothing in the shops that comes near it for less than 15 shillings a yard mrs. burlington gives 18 for hers and i don't look one bit to choose and this if you'll take it all together you may have for 10 for all its widths for theirs 30 yards and the piece comes to about 15 pound camilla protested she would not at this time pay 10 shillings a yard for any gown in the world mrs. mitten who had flattered herself that the handkerchief and apron at least if not one of the gowns would have fallen to her share was much discomposed by this unexpected declaration and disappointed murmuring and conceiving her the most avaricious of mortals was forced away leaving camilla in complete despondence of any power to effect her wish with propriety mrs. mitten came back late and with a look of dismay the man of whom she had had the muslin who was a traveler whom she had met at the friends had not waited her return and as she had left the 15 pounds with him for a pledge of the security of his goods she supposed he had made off to get rid of the whole piece at once camilla felt petrified no possible pleasure or desire could urge her deliberately to what she deemed an extravagance yet here in one moment she was dispoiled of three parts of all she possessed either for her own use or towards the restitution of her just steps with others observing her distress though with more displeasure than pity from believing it founded in the most extraordinary covetousness mrs. mitten proposed measuring the piece in three and disposing of the two gowns she did not want to mrs. burlington or her sister and mislyn mere camilla was a little revived but the respect of difficulty was short upon opening the piece it was found damaged and after the first few yards which mrs. mitten had seduliously examined not a breath has escaped some rent fray or mischief the ill being now irremediable to make up the dress in the cheapest manner possible was the only consolation that remained mrs. mitten knew a mantua maker who to blight her would undertake this for a very small payment and she promised to procure everything else that was necessary for the merest trifle determined however to risk nothing more in such hands she now positively demanded that the residue of the note should be restored to her own keeping mrs. mitten though much affronted honestly refunded the five pounds the little articles she had occasionally brought were still unpaid for but her passion for detaining the money was merely with a view to give herself consequence in boasting how and by whom she was trusted and now and then drawing out her purse before those who had left to produce but folly without any design of imposition or fraud all she could obtain by hints and addresses she conceived to be fair booty but further she went not even in thought three days now only remain before this event promising ball was to take place and within three after it the southampton expedition was to close camila scarce breathed from impatient for the important moment which was preceded by an invitation to all the company to take a sale on the southampton water on the morning of the entertainment end of chapter 12 read by lars rolander book nine chapter one of camila this is a librivox recording or librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org reading by lars rolander camila or a picture of youth by fanny bernie chapter one a water party the bold rest of camila was not yet ready when she set out for the amusement of the morning melmont upon this occasion was forced into the excursion his sister represented so pathetically the ungrateful ill breeding of sequestering himself from a company of which it must so publicly be judged eugenia would make one with the impossibility or forever escaping the sight of indiana that he could not in common decency any longer postponed the double meeting he almost equally dreaded and this with all that could aggravate its misery from seeing the two objects together immediately occurred sir uke tyrol's coach containing miss margilland indiana eugenia and dr orc bond was arrived just before that or mrs berlington and the morning being very fine they had just alighted to join the company assembling upon the beach for the expedition miss margilland still continued to exact the attendance of the doctor though his rai luxon sluggish pace always proclaimed his ill will to the task but clermont the only proper bore for her parties was completely unattainable he had connected himself with young holder and his associates from whom while he received instructions related to the stables and the dog kennels he returned with suitable edification lessons on the culinary art melmont deeply distressed the sortie sister not to alight till the last moment she pitted him too sincerely not to comply and in a very short time she had herself an aggregate of almost all the gentlemen on the beach before the coach among these the first to press forward were the two west winds each and raptured to again see camilla and the most successful in obtaining notice was lord valhurst with whom camilla still thought it prudent however irksome to discourse rather than receive again the acidities of henry but her mind far from them all was hovering on the edge of the shore where edgar was walking edgar for some time past had joined the utmost uneasiness what conduct to pursue with regard to the friends of camilla to the heart-rending decision of parting from her forever he soon learned the new and dangerous manner in which mrs. burlington spent her evenings and the idea that most naturally occurred to him was imparting it to mr. tyrold but in what way could he address that gentleman without first knowing if camilla had acquainted him with the step she had taken he felt too strongly the severe blow it would prove not to wish softening it with every palliation and while these still lingering feelings aved his proceedings his servants learned from walley mill that melmont had been favorably receded cleaves as a suitor to geugenia finding so near an alliance likely to take place with the brother he gave up his plan of remonstrating against the sister except in private counsel to camilla for which and for uttering his fearful adieu he was now waiting but to speak to her unobserved still however with pain unabating he saw the eager approach to her of henry with disgust that of lord valhurst and with alarm the general heard lord pervil the young nobleman who deemed it worthwhile to be at the expense of several hundred pounds in order to let the world know how old he was now with his mother a widow lady and some other relations came down in a superb new echipage to the water side mrs. burlington could not be so singular as not to join in the general crowd that flocked around them with congratulations and all parties in a few minutes were assembled on one spot edgar when he had spoken to the group to which the honors of the day belonged made up to camilla gravely inquired after her health and then placed himself as near to her as he was able in the hope of conferring with her when the company began to move her spirits now rose and her prospects reopened to their wish termination all her regret was for henry who saw her present avoidance and bemoaned her long absence with the sadness that reproached and afflicted her a very fine yacht and three large pleasure boats were in readiness for this company surrounded by various other vessels of all sorts and conditions which were filled with michelanness parties who meant to partake the same gales for their own diversion or curiosity the invited set was now summoned to the water lord pervil and his relations leading the way by a small boat to the yacht to which mrs. burlington and the cleaves party were particularly selected guests camilla depending upon the assistance of edgar in passing through the boat to the yacht so obviously turned from henry that he lost all courage for persevering in addressing her and was even though most unwillingly retiring from a vicinity in which he seemed palpably obtrusive had not his father insisted upon detaining him whispering be of good heart howl the girl will come round yet edgar kept equally near her with the design that was the counterpart of her own wish of offering her his hand when it was her turn to enter the boat but they were both disappointed the peer not waiting that rotation presented her his arm as soon as lady pervil had led the way there was no redress though camilla was as much provoked as either of the young rivals lord valer's did not long exalt in his victory the unsteadiness of the boat made him rather want help for himself than find force to bestow it upon another and upon mounting at the helm to pass her on to the jot he tottered his foot slipped and he must have sunk between the two vessels had not a waterman caught him up and dragged him into the jot with no further misfortune than a bruised shin wet legs and feet and a deplorably rueful countenance from mingle fright and modification edgar not fully unsuspicious such an accident might happen was starting into the boat to snatch camilla from its participation when he felt himself forcibly pulled back and saw at the same moment henry who had also started forward but whom nothing had retarded anticipate his purpose and aid her into the jot looking round to see by what or by whom he had so unaccountably been stopped he perceived old mr. westwin his forefinger upon his nose in sign of silence and secrecy grasping him by the coat what is the humor of this sir cried he indignantly mr. westwin still making his token for discretion and bending forward to speak in his ear said do there's a good soul let my boy help that young lady hell will be much obliged to you i can tell you and he's a very good lad the nature of edgar was too candid to suffer his wrath to resist the request so simple in sincerity but deeply he sighed to find by its implication that the passion of henry was thus still fed with hopes the passing of other ladies with their esquires prevented him who had no lady he wished to conduct from making his way yet into the jot and the honest old gentleman detained by the same reason entered promptly into the history of the present situation of his son with regard to camilla relating frankly that he thought her the sweetest girl in the world except that she did not know her own mind for she had been so pleased with his son first of all that he really thought he should oblige her by making it a match which i could not added he had the heart to refuse to go that gave the boy such a good character you'd be surprised to know how she took to him you may be proud says she to me you may be proud of your son which is what i shall never forget for though i loved hell just the same before i never could tell but what it was only because he was my own and i'm so afraid of behaving like a blind old goose that i often snub howl when he's no more to blame than i am myself for fear of his getting out of my hands and behaving like a certain young man he has been brought up with and who i assure you deserve to have his ears cropped ten times a day for one piece of impudence or other i should not have been sorry if he'd fallen into the water along with that old lord whom i don't wish much good to neither for between friends it seems to me that it's he that has put her out of conceit with my poor howl for all of a sudden nobody can tell why nor where for she takes it into her head there's nothing else worth listening to but just his old compliments and my poor howl after thinking she had such a kindness for him that he had nothing to do but put on his best coat for i told him i'd have none of his newfangled modes of affronting my worthy old friend by doing to him like a postillion with a cropped head and half a coat after thinking he'd only to ask his consent for he'd got mine without ever a word all at once without the least quarrel or either i or howl giving her the least offense she won't so much as let him speak to her but turns off to that old fellow that tumbled into the water there and had near made her slip in after if it had not been for my son stopping her which i shan't forget your kindness in letting him do but what's more she won't speak to me neither though all i want is to ask her the reason of her behavior which i shall certainly do if i can catch her any five minutes away from that lord for you'll never believe what good friends we were before she took so to him we three that is she and i and howl used to speak to nobody else scares for howl thought he'd got it all his own way and i can't but own i thought as much myself for there was no knowing she'd hold herself so above us all at once i assure you if we don't bring her to it will go pretty hard with us for i like her just as well as held us i'd have made over to them the best half of my income immediately headguard had never yet felt such serious displeasure against camilla assist him upon this artless narrative to have trifled thus and as he believed most van't only with the feelings and peace of two amable persons whether from the vanity or making a new conquest or the tyranny of persecuting an old one showed a love of power the most unjustifiable and a levity the most unpardonable and when he considered himself as exactly in the same suspensive embarrassment as a young man of little more than a fortnight's acquaintance he felt indignantly ashamed of so humiliating a rivalry and a strong diminution of regret at his present purpose melmont meanwhile pressed by his sister seconded by his own sense of propriety had forced himself to the cleaves party and after bowing civilly to miss margilland who cautiously smiled upon one who she imagined would become master of cleaves and most profoundly to indigena who colored but they not the smallest salutation in return offered his hand to judinia but with a mind so absorbed and steps so uncertain that he was unable to afford her any assistance and her lameness and helplessness made her so much required it that she was in danger of falling every moment yet she felt in paradise she thought him but enfeebled as she was enfeebled herself by a tender sensibility and danger therefore was not merely brave it was dear it was precious to her indiana now consoled her mortification with a so loss of believing a retaliation had hand that would overcome the otherwise indelible disgrace of being superseded by judinia in a conquest full of her own little scheme she empirically refused all offers of aid and walked on alone till crossing the boat she gave a shriek at every step made hazardous by her willful rejection of assistance and acted over again the charm of terror of which she well recollected the power upon a former occasion these were sounds to vibrate but too surely to the heart of melmont he turned involuntarily to look at her her beauty had all its original enchantment and he snatched away his eyes he led on her whom still less he durst view but another glance thus surprised from him showed indiana unguarded unprotected his imagination painted her immediately in a watery grave and seeing eugenia safe though not accommodated he rushed back to the boat and with trembling respect implored her to accept his aid triumphant now she conceived herself in her turn and looking at him with haughty disdain said she choose to go alone and when again he conjured her not to risk her precious safety added you know you don't care about it so pray go to your miss eugenia tear old young melmont delicate refined and well-bred was precise amongst the first to feel that a reply such as this must be classed amongst the reverse of those three epithets had it come from any mouth but that of indiana but love is deaf as well as blind to every defect of its chosen object during the season of passion from her therefore this answer leaving unobserved the littleness and spleen which composed it retained but so much of meaning as belongs to announcing jealousy and in giving him that idea filled him with sensations that almost tore him asunder urged by her peak she contrived and with real risk to jump into the yacht alone though if swayed by any less potent motive she would sooner have remained in the boat the whole day but what is the strength which may be put upon a par with inclination and what the general courage that partial enterprise will not exceed melmont who only to some amable course could attribute whatever flowed from so beautiful an object having one started the idea of jealousy could give its source only to love the impure spring of envy entered not into his suggestions what then was his distraction to think himself so greatly miserable to believe he was secretly favored by indiana at the instant of his first devours to another duty and desire were equally urgent to be heard he shrunk in utter despondence from the two objects that seem to personify both and retreated to the utmost of his power from the sight of either miss margilland had more than echoed every scream of indiana though nobody had seen to hear her doctor orp on the only bore she could compel into her service was missing her eye and voice alike everywhere demanded him in vain he neither appeared to her view nor answered her indignant calls nor indeed though she forced his attendance had she the most remote hope of inspiring him to any gallantry but still he was a man and she thought it a mark of consequence to have one in her train nor was it by any means nothing to her to torment doctor open with her reproaches to dispositions highly irascible it is frequently more gratifying to have a subject of complaint than of acknowledgement the ladies being now all accommodated upon the deck sailing orders were giving when an holla holla making the company look round linmir desired to be admitted all the party intended for the yacht were already on board and lord pervil told mr linmir he would find a very good place in one of the pleasure boats but he answered he was just come from them and preferred going in the yacht lord pervil then only hoped the ladies would excuse being a little crowded edgar had already glided in and mr westwind had openly declared when asked to go to one of the boats that he always went where hell went be it where it might clermond now elbowing his way into a group of gentlemen and addressing himself to jung holder who was amongst them said do you know what they've got to eat here no what the juice have not you examined the larder i have been looking over the three boats there's nothing on earth so i came to see if i could do any better here hold a vowed if there was nothing to eat he would sooner jump over board and swim to shore then go starving on starving said mr westwind why i saw myself several baskets of provisions taken into each of the boats only ham and fouls answered clermond contemptuously only ham and fouls why what would you have oh the devil answered he making faces not that anti-diluvian stuff anything's better than ham and fouls stilt on cheese for instance cried mr westwind with a wrathful snare that made clermond who could not endure yet for many reasons could not resent it hastily decamp from his vicinity mr westwind looking after the young epicory with an expression of angry scorn now took the arm of edgar whose evident interest in his first communication encouraged further confidence and said that person that you see walk that way just now is a fellow that i have a prodigious longing to give a good caning to i can't say i like him yet he's nephew and heir to the very best man in the three kingdoms however i heartily hope his uncle will disinherit him for he's a poor fool as well as a sorry fellow i love to speak my mind plainly edgar was ill disposed to conversation and intent only upon camilla who was now seated between mrs burlington and eugenia and occupied by the fine prospects everywhere open to her yet he explained the error of clerman's being air as well as nephew to sir you at which the old gentleman almost jumping with surprise and joy said why then who's to pay all his debts at life's sake i can't say but what i'm glad to hear this i hope he'll be sent to prison with all my heart to teach him a little better manners for my old friend will never cure him he spoils young people prodigiously i don't believe he'd so much as give him a horse whipping let him do what they would that ain't my way ask how here is stopped disturbed by news site which displaced clerman from his thoughts camilla to whom the beauties of nature had mental as well as visual charms from the blessings as well as pleasure she had from childhood been instructed to consider surrounding them was so enchanted by the delicious scenery everywhere courting her eyes the transparent brightness of the noble piece of water upon which she was sailing the richness and the dirt of its banks the still and gently gliding motion of the vessel the clearness of the heavens and the serenity of the air that all her cares for a while would have been lost in admiring contemplation had she not painfully seen the eternal watching of henry for her notice and gathered from the expression of his eyes his intended expostulation a self reproach with which she felt how ill she could make her defense joined to a sincere and generous wish to spare him the humiliation of rejection made her seek so to engage herself as to prevent the possibility of his uttering two sentences following but as this was difficult with eugenia who was lost in silent meditation upon her own happiness or mrs. Burlington was occupied in examining the beauty so fatal to the repose of her brother she had found such trouble in eluding him that when she saw lord valour's advance from the cabin where he had been drying and refreshing himself she welcomed him as a resource and taking advantage of the civility she owed him for what he had suffered in his squiring her gave him her soul attention always persuaded his admiration was but a sort of old-fashioned politeness equally without a sign in itself or subject for common in others but what is so hard to judge as the human heart the fairest observers misconstrue all motives to action where any recede prepossession has found an hypothesis to edgar this conduct appeared the most degrading fondness for adulation and to mr westwin a tyrannical caprice meant to mortify his son i hope you saw that i hope you saw that cried he for now i don't care a pin for her any longer and if hal is such a mere fool as ever to think of her anymore i'll never see his face again as long as i live after looking askew at the poor boy all this time to turn about and make way for that nasty old fellow as who should i say i'll speak to nothing but a lord is what i shall never forgive and i wish i had never seen the girl nor hal neither i can't say i'll like such ways i can't abide them a sigh that then escaped edgar would have told a more discerning person that he came in for his ample share in the same wish and after all continued he being a lord is no such great feat that ever i could learn hal might be a lord too if he could get a title there is nothing required for it but what any man may have nobody asks after what he can do or what he can say if he's got a good head it's well and if he has not it's all one and that's what you can't say of such a likely young fellow as my son you may see 20 for one that's as well looking indeed to my mind i don't know that i ever saw a prettier lad in my life so she might do worse i promise her though she has used my son so shabbily i don't like her the better for it i assure her and so you may tell her if you please i'm no great friend to not speaking my mind the fear of being too late for the evening's arrangements may lord pervil after two hour sale give orders for veering about the ladies were advised to go into the cabin during this evolution and camila was amongst those who most readily complied for the novelty of viewing what she had not yet seen but when with the rest she was returning to the deck lord valhurst just descended and treated her to stop one moment not at all conjecturing his reason she knew not how to refuse but innocently begged him to speak quick as she was in haste not to lose any of the beautiful landscapes they were passing uh what cried the enamored peer what in the world is beautiful in any comparison with yourself to me no possible object can have such charms and i have now no wish remaining but never to lose sight of it amazed beyond all measure she stared at him a moment in silence and then confirmed by his looks that he was serious would have left the cabin with precipitance but preventing her from passing charming mister old he cried let the confession of my flame meet your favor and i will instantly make my proposals to your friends to camila this offer appeared as little delicate as its maker was attractive yet she thought herself indebted for its general purport and as soon as her astonishment allowed her gracefully thanked him for the honor of his good opinion but then treated him to make no application to her friends as it would not be in her power to concur in their consent concluding this to be modest china's he was beginning a passionate protestation of the warmth of his regard when the fusion was stopped by the appearance of edgar little imagining so serious a scene to be passing as the few words he now gathered gave him to understand his perplexity at her not returning with the other ladies made him suggest this to be a favorable moment to cease for following her himself and demanding the sort the dreaded conference but when he found that his lordship instead of making as he had supposed his usual fond yet unmeaning compliments was pompously offering his hand he precipitately retired no liveliness september had injured in camila the real modesty of her character a sense therefore of obligation for this partiality accompanied its surprise and was preparing her for repeating the rejection with acknowledgments though with firmness when the sight of edgar brought an entirely new train of feelings and ideas into her mind oh happy moment thought she he must have heard enough for what has passed to know me at least to be disinterested he must see now it was himself not his situation in life i was so prompt in accepting and if again he manifests the same preference i may receive it with more frankness than ever for he will see my whole heart sincerely singly inviolably his own bewitch with this notion she escaped from the pier and ran up to the deck with the renovation of animal spirits so high so lively and so buoyant that she scarce knew what she said or did from the uncontrollable gait which made every idea dance to a happiness new even to her happy mind whoever she looked at she smiled upon to whatever was proposed she sent it scarce could she restrain her voice from involuntarily singing or her feet from instinctively dancing edgar compared with what he now felt believe that hitherto he had been a stranger to what wonder meant is this thought he camilla has she willfully fascinated this old man seriously to win him and has she won him but to triumph in the vanity of her conquest how is her delicacy perverted what is become of her sensibility is this the artless camilla modest as she was gay docile as she was spirited gentle as she was intelligent oh how spoiled how altered how gone camilla little suspicious of this construction thought it would be now equally wrong to speak anymore with either henry or lord valhurst and talked with all others indiscriminately changing her object with almost every speech a moment's reflection would have told her that quietness alone in her present situation could do justice to the purity of her intentions but reflection is rarely the partner of happiness in the youthful breast it is commonly brought by sorrow and flies at the first dawn of returning joy thus while she dispensed to all around with views the most innocent her gay and honest wild felicity the very delight to which she owed her animation her believing she was in vinsing to edgar with what singleness she was his own gave her the appearance in his judgment of a finished the vein and all accomplished coquette the exultation of her ideas brightened her eyes into a vivacity almost dazzling gave an attraction to her smiles that was irresistible the charm of fascination to the sound of her voice to her air a thousand nameless graces and to her manner and expression and enchantment power so captivating now for the first time united with the facility of intercourse soon drew around her all the attendant admiring ball no animal is more gregarious than a fashionable young man who whatever may be his abilities to think rarely decides and still less frequently acts for himself he may wish he may appreciate internally with justice and wisdom but he only says and only does what some other man of fashion higher in woosh or older in courage has said or has done before him the young lord pervil the star of the present day was now drawn into the magic circle of camilla this was full sufficient to bring into it every minor luminary of his constellation and even the resplendent and incomparable beauty of indiana even the soft and melting influence of the expressively lovely mrs. burlington gave way to the superior ascendance of that very grace and winning vivacity which seemed instinctively sharing with the beholders its own pleasure and animation to engar alone this gave her not new charms he saw in her more of beauty but less of interest the sentence dictated by dr. marchman as the watch word to his feelings were she mine recurred to him incessantly alas he thought with this dissipated delight in admiration what individual can make her happy to the rational serenity of domestic life she's lost again as he viewed the thickening group before her offering fresh and fresh incense which her occupied mind scares perceived though her elevated spirits unconsciously encouraged he internally exclaimed oh if a trusting father saw her thus her father who with all his tender lenity has not the blind indulgence of her uncle how would he start how would his sense of fair propriety be revolted or if her mother her respectable mother beheld thus changed thus undignified thus open to all flattery and all flatterers her no longer pairless daughter how would she blush how would the tint of shame rob her impressive countenance of its noble confidence these thoughts were too agitating for observation his eyes moistened with sadness in associating to his disappointment that of her revered and exemplary parents and he retreated from her sight till the moment of landing when with sudden desperation melancholy yet determined he told himself he would no longer be withheld from fulfilling his purpose he made way then to the group though with unsteady steps his eye pierced through to camilla she caught and fix it he felt cold but still advanced she saw the change but did not understand it he offered her his hand before lady pervil arose to lead the way less some competitor should cease it she accepted it rather surprised by such sudden promptness though encouraged by it to still further dependence upon a revived and sanguine expectations yet deeper sank this flattering illusion when she found his whole frame was shaking and saw his complexion every moment burying she continued though in a less disengaged manner her sprightly discourse with the group for he uttered not a word content that he had secured her hand he waited an opportunity less public lady pervil who possessed that true politeness of a well-bred woman of rank who knows herself never so much respected as when she lays aside her heraldic claims to superiority would not quit the yacht of which she did the honors till every other lady was conducted to the shore engar had else proposed to have detained camilla in the vessel a moment later than her party to hear the very few words it was his intention to speak frustrated of this design he led her away with the rest still totally silent till her feet touched the beach she was then with seeming carelessness withdrawing her hand to trip off to mrs. Burlington but engar suddenly grasping it tremulously said will it be too much presumption in a rejected man to beg the honor of three minutes conference with miss terrell before she joins her party a voice piercing from the deep could not have caused in camilla a more immediate revulsion of ideas but she was silent in her turn and he led her along the beach while mrs. Burlington attended by a trainer bore went to her carriage where thus engaged she contentedly waited do not fear he resumed when they had passed the crowd do not fear to listen to me though once more i venture took true upon you some advice let it not displease you it is in the spirit of the purest goodwill it is singly solely and disinterestedly as a friend camilla was now all emotion pale she turned but edgar did not look at her and she strode to thank him in a common manner and to appear cool and unmoved my opinion my fears rather concerning mrs. Burlington as i find she hopes soon for a near connection with your family will henceforth remain buried in my own breast yet should you to any use hereafter remember them i shall rejoice though should nothing recurred to remind you of them i shall rejoice still more nor will i again torment you about that very underbred woman who inhabits the same house and who everywhere boasts an intimacy with its two ladies that is heard with general astonishment nor yet upon another and far more important topic will i now touch the present evening recreation at mrs. Burlington's i know you are merely a spectators and i will not alarm your friends nor dwell myself upon collateral mischiefs or eventual dangers from a business that in three days will end by your restoration to the most respectable of all protections all that now i mean to enter upon all that now i wish to enforce a few words will comprise and those words will be my he would have said my last but his breath failed him he stopped he wanted her to cease his meaning unpronounced and though it came to her as a thunderbolt from heaven it's very horror helped her she divine what he could not utter by feeling what she could not hear few indeed criety in broken accents must be these final words but how can i set out upon my so long procrastinated tour with an idea that you are not in perfect safety yet without attempting to point out to you your danger and yet that you should be surrounded by admirers can create no wonder that you should feel your power without his pleasure is equally natural i scarcely know therefore what i would urge yet perhaps untold you may concede what struggles in my breast and do justice the conflict between friendship and respect where one prompts a freedom which the other trembles to execute i need not i think say that to offend you is nearly the only thing that could aggravate the affliction of this parting camila turned aside from him but not to weep her spirit was now rewakened by resentment that he could thus propose a separation without inquiring if she persisted to desire it i tire you resumed he mournfully yet can you be angry that a little i linger for well however the gray when it closes in upon me can alone end my prayers for your felicity i commit fully to you my character and my conduct with regard to your most honored father whom i beseech and conjure you to assure my eternal gratitude and affection but i am uncertain of your wishes i will therefore depart without seeing him when i return to this country all will be forgotten or remembered only by me he meant to say but he checked himself and with forced composure went on that i travel not with any viewer pleasure you who know what i leave how i price what i lose and how lately i thought all i most coveted mine forever will easily believe but if earthly bliss is the lot of you what right had i to expect being so selected severe as this moment with blessings not with murmurs i quit you blessings which my life could it be useful to you should consecrate if you were persuaded our dispositions would not assimilate if mine appeared to you too rigorous too undeniable your timely precaution has spared more misery than it has inflicted how could i have borne the light when it had shown me camilla unhappy yet camilla my own his struggle here grew vain his voice faltered the resentment of camilla for sucker she raised her head and was turning to him her softened countenance and filling eyes when she saw melmont and a party of gentlemen fast approaching her from mrs burlington edgar saw them too and cutting short all he meant to have added kissed without knowing what he did the lace of her cloak and ejaculating be heaven your god and happiness your portion left her hand to that of melmont which was held out to her and slightly bowing to the whole party walked slowly and frequently looking back away while camilla nearly blinded now by tears that would no longer be restrained kept her eyes fixedly upon the earth and was drawn more dead than alive by melmont to the coach end of chapter one read by los rolander