 Pulled the fucking thing out of its slippery shell and slid it across the road like it was nothing. Welcome to episode number 22. This is Martin, Michael, come on, love, ask straight out of the Wisconsin. We are in Wisconsin today, straight out of Wisconsin. Where is that place? It's in America. We should be in America when you're listening to this right now. Right now we're in LA, filming with some of the biggest names in the world. Think of the biggest YouTube you can think of. Yes, we're filming with them. Think of the second biggest YouTube you can think of right now. The third, no, though. We don't have time. We don't have time for your thirds and your fourths. Only ones and twos. Pretty much ones, twos are lucky. Yeah, well, that's just what happens when you're at the pinnacle of the game. How's your weekend? It was shit. What did you do? I took the boys and girlfriend out for dinner and we went and played bowling and we went to time zone. I was meant to go to that. Couldn't know, sick. We had a very fun time. I was meant to go and have a fun time. Couldn't know, sick. Yeah, I had a good time and I didn't. Sick. Yeah, I'll probably get sick. Hopefully. I'm gonna start coughing in your direction, I think. Thank you. See what happens there. Thanks for that. This is the last week before we go to LA. We've got a lot to do. We've got a lot to give. Just jump straight in and wanna see us. And today's date is 22nd of the 7th, 2019. And let me tell you something right now. In 1933, on this day, the first solo flight around the world happened and it took the dog seven days and 19 hours to do. And that was in a helium balloon. Holy shit, how do you know that? It was me. It was actually, I was a baby still, but yeah, I was in the helium balloon. That's how I know that. Is that what would it take in solo? I reckon it would take longer than seven days to go around in a helium balloon. They don't go fast or long. Oh man, they can fucking fly, man. If you put a fucking V8 diesel on the fucking thing, that can't fucking turbo straight through the fucking clouds, can't, yeah, I'm seeing shit, can't, man. You fucking think dry, whole, and comical, can't? You fucking way you put a V8 on the fucking helium balloon, can't, you know, it's seeing shit, can't, man. Oh, we're fucking passing birds, can't. Birds are like fucking tripping out, can't know what fuck, can't, oh, you look at this, can't, you can't. Fuck me, can't, we didn't even need a fucking balloon, can't, it was just there, it fucking looked good, can't. Famous birthdays. Hey, Selena. Holy shit, we'll be seeing you soon in LA. Miss Gomez turns 26 today, happy birthday, babe. She's young. Hopefully you got that package we sent you three weeks ago. Hopefully we were right on time. Yeah, we got her a free bag, we sent her a free bag, and Marty and Michael are Michael and back at the university. She asked for that, so we sent her that about three weeks ago, and of course, some of her favorite chockies in there. Hope you like it, Selena. Give me your buzz later, please. Give me your buzz, let me know if it arrived, okay? But yeah, we're really looking forward to getting out there and linking up, so yeah, we'll see soon, Selena. Also, Shawn Michaels, who is a WWE wrestler, turns 53. I don't know any wrestlers, but I'm pretty sure he watches our podcast, so fucking, Shawnee, fuck you, mother. I'd say WWE's up there with fucking people just as bad as Fast and Furious. If you fucking like WWF, WWE, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, it's just as bad as liking Fast and Furious. You gotta give it a chance. It's fake bullshit. Okay. It's like a fucking religion over there. Yeah, I don't understand how you can sit there and be okay with, like, if the UFC was fake, I would be pissed off. Did you shit or is that Bosley? I didn't shit yet. David Spade, who is a comedian and actor, he turns 54 today. Spade, he's getting on a bit, and I heard that his wife was hit by a train last week. So our condolences to you, my brother. Stay safe and strong out there, man. Always look left and look right. Don't just look left. Onto segment number two, and it has been renamed Stuck and Yeet. Ah, man, that would have hurt your throat. That hurt my ears. That hurt a lot of me. That hurt my entire upper region. But that's what the segment's called, and basically this is a segment where we just answer fan questions, fan questions, fan questions. So some people have sent in some fan questions. They want to know some answers to some things, and we're going to answer them for you right now. We've only selected the very best, most unique questions. So strap yourselves in, because we've got some fire coming at you straight out of Wisconsin. First one's from J underscore F1234. He has asked, would you rather to have a granny vagina on your forehead or erect penis up on your back? Erect penis on my back, just because it affects my physical appearance less, and also because I'm a guy, it could come in handy to be honest. If I'm, I can't get it up where my normal dick is for whatever reason one time, you have a plan B on your back. Yeah, imagine thrusting back like that. Yeah, you just put your- It'd be like being a chick getting doggied. You're fucking- But you're pushing. What you fucking do is you get on your belly and you push your, you put your feet on the fucking wall behind you, and you fucking push off, push off the wall, and your fucking legs are straightening and bending, straightening and bending, and your fucking back dicks just fucking it. Straight ahead, you're fucking, you can fuck hard, you get lots of traction, lots of grip, because you got all fours on the fucking bed, and you're just pushing off the fucking back wall, slamming until you're fucking, I'd prefer it. I'd prefer it. I'd only use my back dick. I'd use it to piss out of as well. Can we shut that door just so my neighbors can hear this? A vagina on the face would be, yeah. That would be a career ender, especially a granny vagina. That's not a very hard would you rather, but it's an important question, and I think it needed to be answered. All right, next question is from Fat Poodle. You have one hour to live, who do you fuck and what do you eat and what's your last words? One hour to live, I go on fuck the shit out of my girlfriend with- Not a cow? Well, it depends where I am. Like, what's closer? Well, I hope that your fucking girlfriend's closer. You live in the city, there shouldn't be that many cows about. And now I have a back dick too? Yeah, I could probably get two cows. Oh, not no girlfriend, just two cow. I don't know, it's a tough one, all right? But for now, right now, I'd probably say my girlfriend, just cause she's quite, lives close, right? If she was a long way away and I couldn't get to her, of course, of course I'd drive past some paddocks. It's beautiful, it's scenic. What do you eat meat? I'd eat flesh from- Beef? Yeah, I'd tear strips of meat from the shoulder of a cow. So raw. I'm in a paddock, I'm straight to a farm. Yeah, you're not going home to your girlfriend. Straight to a dairy farm. Yeah, you go straight to the cow paddock. Then you can fuck a cow, eat some meat, and your last words would be Mooooooo! What about you, piss? I'd probably go, I guess girlfriend? And then I'd go beer to eat I'd freeze the beer and chew it so it's like food if you're not allowed to just have a liquid We're nutritious and then last words would be you know, I'm the best or damn you Stephen next questions from Mike heezy Heezy is spelled h eezy why seven four nine? What were you guys doing before you guys got involved with YouTube? We'll answer this one a couple of times, but this one keeps popping up. So we thought we'd answer it again We were Fucking tennis coaches, right? Coaching we will fucking Uber drivers driving all for fucking 16 hour shifts I did over 10,000 trips in my Uber career. That's not fucked and that's only driving on a Friday Saturday Sunday So we could film all week fuck we were fucked tennis coaching You literally earn I know like 35 bucks an hour, but your hours is from 7 to 9 a.m And then you've got a gap from 3 p.m. To like 6 p.m So you got this whole part of the day where you're not working, but you're anticipating work And you can't enjoy that free time because you know you've got to work and also you have to Numb yourself on the weekends with drugs and alcohol because it's a shit life So you just spend all the money you make on piss and drugs Wild wild orgies with three large dairy cows you found in the neighbor's backyard Oh All right, so yeah, we used to slave our asses off before YouTube and we still do only to a degree Well, we don't yeah, we just enjoy what we do now We just don't yeah, we do think it's not really working out But and this is only recent to we only just started not ubering last September. So even a year ago So how about you back off? Mmm. Sorry. Sorry. I've got confrontational. I didn't mean to I'm sorry I'm thinking about cows Next question is from Hugh McKenzie. They have asked what's been your favorite travel destination? Top three countries would be Cambodia, Guatemala and Columbia Cambodia for the Paradise scenery and it was the closest I ever found to the movie like the beach if you ever Watched the beach with Leonardo DiCaprio. It's the closest I've ever found to that Guatemala for the jungle and the wacky shit you can do like go through caves when they're flooding and You know like bungee jumping and white water rafting and then Columbia for the wine. Just the wine It's out there. They're really good wine there quality wine. Mmm a pure pure wine You know long vintage is really taken care of there by the locals. So thank you for that No, we're going to America. I've been there yet So who knows it could change over time. We always fucking get tissue in your eyes when you blow your nose Because I blow it so aggressively and no, I'm not moving it. I'm leaving it. Okay, two more questions. The next one is from Alex Katari G a double T a I and they've asked how either of you not enjoy already It's getting close. We have a lot of police interaction now. It's like it's sort of becoming Just part of the job, you know, they call us every now and then they called us the other night Yeah, they call us they call me the other night. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't have my number Oh, yeah, they called us the other night because they thought I was you'll see it would have come out by now Jet one of Jackson's vlogs. He fucking pranked me by feeling one of my old car now with concrete I'm lucky they're calling a private number. So of course, he doesn't answer private numbers And then they call me and I answered and there was a cops and yeah so it won't we'll probably always be in and out of the legal system getting fines here and there getting put in a lock up for public nuisance here and there but I don't know if we'll ever be truly arrested. Maybe though How long have you two known each other for and how long do you plan to know each other for? Know each other since about 2005 or some shit And I guess we'll know each other until Michael dies of a heart attack in 2023 fuck that's still pretty good. That's like four years. I did say yeah I want to get to Jesus's age, which is 33 and I'm 29 now. That's so scary. You just manifested that Yeah, I've put that out there because it came to me in a dream like a really realistic dream We were um, yeah overseas filming a video and we looked really successful and happy, but um, yeah You have we had we're having a few few shut up shut up now a few wines with them So the producers there who were helping us with a video and um, you just sort of clutched at your chest a bit And dropped your glass of wine and looked at me in a bit of a panic Something's wrong something's wrong and then you what you just fucking pick my glass of wine Oh, no, I start laughing because I thought you're fucking around But then like I saw all the color drain for your face and you drop to your knees and you're just saying someone call the ambulance Someone call the ambulance and we're out on a boat off the islands of Greece and and you know It was took far too long to get back in and you're pronounced dead when the paramedics got there really massive heart attack Basically, but your heart and to was that is that possible you can fucking break your heart. I'm not sure But that's just what happened in a dream heart attack wouldn't be the worst way to go It's incredibly scary. So yeah, it's it's definitely I'm there with one of the worst way So you know that I've told you before I've dabbled in medicine. I've dabbled in it I've been in it. I've been in medicine and yeah, I know how the things Work and you wrap it it all just connects if you do the medicine So that's how I know fuck all 33 Marty called it. We'll see what happens. That's all the questions Which leads us to our next seg month. It's been renamed. Oh, what is this one? I can't remember you've run in the room and started to cover their ears Because Matt has renamed it That scared the shit out of me gonna realize it's like ten times louder when you've got headphones on I apologize to everyone listening. That is not my choice. I don't want to have to make those noises I'm just reading the name of the segment. How do you even reach that tone of voice? I don't I'm just reading I can't normally if you ask me to make that noise. I don't know But if you write it, I'll just read it and that's just me reading for this week's story It's a good one kids. Don't do what we do. We were young dumb wild and free We're on a road trip down at Canberra and we we're going to visit my friends from Canberra where I grew up I was 18 Marty was 19. I just finished school I had a month out till I was gonna go to work for the government. We were literally yeah Yeah, so young 18 and we were such immature 18 year olds will drive them through a new castle with all this bloody state Started drinking. We had a big you with like just full of beer on the back So we just started drinking and we were walking out as we're walking out We walked past a house party and we thought to ourselves. Let's duck in here Didn't know anyone walked straight in open the front gate in we went and then we made friends with the people They're and then they're like, oh, you know you're staying party if you want and then we're like, oh We'll go out and if we're going out shit will come back and party with you guys, right? We're now everything shuts at like 12 o'clock at Newcastle. They tried to do that here in Brisbane It's fucked so out for like half an hour and then we realized no one goes out So we're walking back going back to this house wasn't even a house party I'd say it was like a group of five people that were just drinking pretty sure There was a fair few people there the first time we went in yeah, and then they fucked off by the time We'd gotten back and then yeah, we'll we'll just go to this house party walked in And then they just were like, oh here you guys have these and we'd never seen pingers before Pingers weren't even cool at this stage now kids do pingers all the time. It's like candy like for pre-workout some of them Anyway, so there's handless one and I remember we were just sort of looking at each other I'm like, surely these wouldn't be Drugs well, that's that was our reasoning surely they wouldn't give us free drugs So we took one and then ten minutes later we weren't feeling anything So like oh, do you guys want another one? Oh surely that would be giving us two free drug pills So we took another one They'd like a plate full of these things man like and they just kept feeding them and feeding them and then Everyone starts to go fucked twisted Twisted twisted smashed. Yeah, mixed out with our hole and you are gonna have a fucking smashed like a black hole in the Center of our face. So these guys are we're peaking on we don't know what and these guys bring down these all these Box full of fucking sex outfits like just costumes not just all sex outfit It was just costumes everywhere. Go fuck it. We'll put on some costumes and I find the gimp outfit So I'm wearing really tight leather chains really revealing shit. I forgot what you guys put on I was so fucking bent. But like yeah, basically we all had Ridiculous outfits on and for some fucking reason. I remember the reason. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you go on We were like, oh fuck. We're getting low on alcohol Let's run to our ute and bring back a case of beer like oh fuck It could be fucked getting changed out of my gimp outfit. So two of us took off I don't even know who was yeah, we were running to try and find the you but we were so disorientated so fucked It's like 3 a.m. Now the streets are just empty first time doing drugs. You don't know how to handle it Yeah, I had my phone and wallet in my hand and then because there's no pockets in a gimp outfit It's very impractical. I remember running down the road and I was sick of carrying my phone and wallet So I just put them down in the middle of the road. Just put them down. I was like, I'll get them later Kept running around we're running around they go to the back of the you know, we couldn't find it Oh, wow, you're running around for fucking half an hour trying to find the you and we couldn't find it Wow And then we started walking back to feed it and I'd completely forgotten about my phone and wallet Just totally forgotten about it. No short-term memory goes out the door And then we'll just walk them back to the party and then I just looked down Just as well. I'm stepping over my phone and wallet in the middle of the road. So I was like, oh fuck That looks like my phone or what it is my phone and wallet. That's the luckiest shit ever That's how you lose it. It's gone I've put phones down when I've been a bit bent and then once you put it down You never know where it's gone because your short-term memories out the door And I've put it in the middle of a road in the middle of a city at 3 a.m And then continue to run away through streets. I don't know any where I was Unbelievable that I found it. Yeah, very lucky. Very lucky. No, we get back to the house and I don't know It's a black from there. I don't remember shit All I remember from that point on is once you got back We kept drinking and they just kept feeding us those candy pills next minute We wake up at like 8 a.m. In a park playground in a park with kids around us playing on the playground And we're all sort of spooning each other three-way Slide or something Right on the ground like we're on the play like in the playground area And we I just woke up to these kids playing around us and not understanding it And then the council dude came up to us and told us to move on Yeah, that's like you gotta get out of here scaring the kids So we had to leave so we just got up still fucked out of our minds and we got back to the car and Henry starts Kicking the fuck out of his car. Yeah, just destroyed like put dint after dint in it piecing himself laughing Yeah, it was funny. It was rough. You had to go to hospital that week. Yeah, there's all blur I just remember blacking out and having the most intense fucking headaches I've ever had my life like it felt like someone was stabbing me in the fucking head for days Well, I had to go to fucking emergency to make sure I wasn't dying. Yeah, once we get down to Canberra We're all trying to party still but money's like now I'm going to fucking emergency room because I can't hand didn't you have heart palpitations and shit Yeah, and like my head was just fucking pounding the worst headaches I've ever had so they just gave me some really good painkillers They asked if I'd taken drugs, but I was too young and scared to say yes I was like no, I haven't always be truthful if you got the emergency room He knows that now after studying medicine. Yeah, I had to study doing medicine. Sorry. That's why that night is why I decided to study medicine That's that that's the first time we did pingas Sorry mom and not the last and let me tell you That was the first and last time Fuck off come we did pingas nearly every weekend for a stage there. I'm blind. We got blind and smashed Right the next segment has been renamed That's cute, that's a cute one and basically here we just read news headlines and we comment on the fucking things So fucking strap yourself in you fucking dog because we're gonna rip a lineup come a straight out of Wisconsin You love it with constant tonight, dude. That is your go to Come on live edge straight out of Wisconsin. Let me have a sip of the water. The Daily Mail has said We live in a sad world That's the story they've gone Shopper is slammed for throwing a tantrum in coals after missing out on an extra little shop toy by just 53 cents the store off the camel's back as they say he's probably had the worst Month to get to a point where that's made him snap if you care about shit like that's as bad as like in WWF and Fast and furious put together Coles has got this promo on where you spend $30 you get these like little toys for kids So yeah, that must be why they're fucking pissed off. They spent $59 47 cents So one of the toys so badly just give him an extra 53 cents fuck me, brother god damn it It's 53 cents world news daily report where facts don't matter Couple hospitalized after man gets his head stuck in his wife's vagina. Is that possible? Yes It says it right here a couple was transported to the hospital in very awkward position last night for a man Somehow got his head stuck in a wife's vagina during a strange Sexual game how you can't breathe if you're in there If you have a store babies can you just hook up to the Ambilical cord just put pop that in your mouth when you're in there Well, you plug it into your belly button or your mouth you just pop it in your mouth And then you can breathe I'm pretty sure what is it connected to the tits and the tits go up and down It's medicine. You got to read about it. Okay, I'll do it You know, we've all put our heads up things and we've this happened to probably most of guys Now our heart goes out to them. Hope you guys made it out Hope you guys stay strong and everyone go get it around them and support them because the family is probably a Bit down about it. Imagine your mom knowing you went to hospital. Well, that is his mom Next story is from the Daily Mail and they have said shopper gets the Kmart logo tattooed on her bum to prove How much she loves the budget store, but admits her mom is not impressed What a pointless fuck up man, how's that even a story? Yeah, I would do that for fun get that Yeah, I wouldn't and I wouldn't even film it next story is from ABC news And they have said YouTube star Austin Jones jail for 10 years for requesting sexually explicit images from minors And they got a little photo of a little fuck what he looks like a little he looks like a minor himself How old is it 26? He looks like a fucking kid He looks like someone from one direction like Harry Styles, but uglier and it's if you're in the public eye It's best to just not do that man Don't you think? He's gonna get fucked hard in jail. Well, they're gonna. Yeah, holy shit Well, his arse hole will be torn halfway up his back and Just underneath his ball sack just like that story before you haven't got a head that do go to head into his mom's Slices girlfriends vagina. Yeah, but you'll be able to step inside him. Yeah, step inside him and wear him They'll be prisoners within prisoners. Yeah, you'll be able to pull his cheeks apart Like and he will part If he gets out earlier, then you in jail You'd want to get in him before he gets out and then he will allow someone who is doing time longer than him to get out Early, he will get fucked hard pedophiles usually don't have a good time in there anyway And he's gonna get fucking slashed. He's like a hot pedophile. Well, like a you know, it's like a kid Yeah, it's like a yeah anti pedophile. That's a pedophile. The next story is from Metro news, but not as you know it They have reported Bell Delphine sells gamer girl bath water to thirsty folks and is getting explicit requests Props to her though. I heard there's a chick who was a gamer who was selling her piss. That's great You know, we should we're probably gonna contact our merch store and see if we can start selling some bath water Dude, you love this last night. I got like real peckish with sugar and I ordered cold rock Which is ice cream to the door? Bubblegum ice cream I asked for different flavors. They didn't do I got a refund anyway eight shit tons of blue ice cream Shat blue this morning full blue. I got a photo of it I've always said you should have started a Facebook page called the poo guy. All right That is the end of the news stories This leads us to our next segment which has been called. Oh, not renamed It's called called prank call and it's in brackets. Holy shit. He wrote the right thing this week He does that sometimes with his segment. He does it sometimes. It's weird Matthew Brown I will be trying to sell drugs to the Domino's worker as I'm ordering the food I don't know if we should call that same Domino's after they're getting fucking on or us Can we end the trouble for this? Probably this week. Let's just go with a Chinese store. Yep, Siri local Chinese store Hey, can I just place a pick up order please? Can I get can I get one of them honey chicken ones? You got them that honey chicken one does that come with rice or some shit or do I got to get that separate? Also, I was just wondering You guys got them spring roll things a that um that crispy stuff on the outside of it The garlic sounds so good. I'm so stoned. Hey, that sounds so good Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's give them one a do you smoke do you smoke? Yeah, no, that sounds good there do you do you smoke? Um, do you smoke the guns, brother? Do you smoke do you smoke? Oh, sorry, mate, do you do you smoke weed? I was just asking just curious Yeah, I've got a um, I've got a little stick left if you want to buy nothing I got like a little I could come in we could do like a deal where you give me like one of them spring rolls I could give you a stick for it if you want I got a bit left over I'm just saying if you want weed because you said you smoke I can come in right I'll get a little little baggy for you, right? I'll put my stick of weed in there and I'll give it to I'll give it to you in Exchange for the spring rolls if you want or you can just buy buy the weeds separate if you want I like I accept cash or you can bank transfer as well All right, awesome. Well, I'll get some more food and I'll bring that in for you and you can buy that You's got like curries in that or is that like only them Thailand ones? Yes, we I'll get one of them Thai curries ones and Soda rice with that as well Yeah, I'll get a red one I'll get a red one just because I got these sick red pingas in lately to a man. They're fucking heavy. Yeah, I'll get a red one Let's go. Let's you know what I'm gonna go. I'm gonna leave it a little I'm gonna bloody Give me give me the beef on I've not that one yet. Hey, wait, have you ever done the the red Mitsubishi pingas? Have you ever done them red Mitsubishi pingas them then pills? Have you ever seen them because if you've got the way like or usually what I do is I'll have pop a couple of pingas first Right, and then just have the weed after since you're already getting the weed Why don't you buy a couple of the pingas as well? I'll bring a couple in anyway And you can just have a sample of it because I promise it's good shit. I like series always fucking chillin me gums earlier Hey, so I'll bring a couple in how many of them do you want four or five of them do you reckon? I'll bring five in anyway. I'll do your discount to you for I'll go 20 bucks for each for five of them So it's just a hundred there for that and then just 20 bucks for the stick of the weed So 120 but um, I'll just get a little bit more food too if you want Yes, sorry, man. I'll try and slow down, right? So I'll bring in Five ecstasy tablets right in a little baggie and I'll give them to you give them Oh, you are you don't want the ping is just the weed or I will just stick with the stick then I Yep, no worries Yeah, right or I will how about how about you pay for the ping is and I'll pay for the food that way Both of us still get paid, right, but you still get the ping is and I get the food. How's that? I was gonna pay for the food with the ping is in the weed But hey, it's sort of a sort of fuck me a bit there shit Hey, I'll go I could check my wall if I've got big cash on me, but it's not looking good, bro I might have to just call you guys back a because I was just gonna use the ping is to pay for it I once called this Chinese joint and they let me do it. They just said fucking five fingers and I could have a Fucking whatever I want about I'll just have a look for some cash if you do it that way and want to be It's all professional and all that that's fine. I'll get that No, no, no, no, no, no need to apologize. That's all G. That's all G I'll see if I can find some coins in me wall and I'll give you boys a couple call back all right, but yeah These penguins are sick man. I'll fucking I'll give you guys a call back in a sec. All right, brother No, I see roll see my Love Josh Josh is my favorite dude ever. He's a good guy man. Oh my god. That was good, dude Thank you. I was cringing as well as just in ecstasy not like as in the ping is Yeah, but in my head always just in a good place. All right Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast It's been a fun time and we all hope you have enjoyed the show. We hope to see you all next week Don't forget to tell your friends about us. We are the best Wait, wait, we gotta get a question comment your house address in the in the comments We may send you some ping is be cool with it. Stay strong always and don't ever forget that we are the best We are the best we are the best