 Hopefully this video helps you understand your possibly complicated relationship with your Asian immigrant father Yeah, the emotionally distant Asian father is something you see in TVs movies internet memes Obviously a ton of articles that go viral on a bunch of written platforms But Andrew a lot of second-gen kids that are children of immigrant dads They don't like to talk about this thing in person. No, it's not an easy thing to talk about So with the help of the internet and our own personal experiences, we're gonna have this discussion We're gonna break down what a lot of people said in their stories. Hopefully it's relatable. Hopefully it's helpful Hopefully maybe it sparks this discussion man because I think talking about these things is extremely helpful So please hit that like button right now and check out other episodes of the hot-pot boys because from serious to frivolous You know, we're talking about it by the way guys We totally know that not everybody's Asian dad was the same there's a huge spectrum You could have the rare Asian dad that was like Tom Brady's dad or you could have the rare Asian dad That acts like Tom Brady even though statistically, I think that is unlikely. Anyway, let's get into the first comment Somebody said that Asian dads Statistically get divorced the least or Asian families get divorced the least out any group in America So statistically your dad was probably there. He was not absent But he could have been working so hard to put food on the table for the entire family He just wasn't physically there due to his work schedule Yeah, no, and this is it where the dad was in your life, but you didn't really engage with him too much For us personally, I think during the weekdays. I didn't really talk to dad a lot You know, he wanted his piece when he came back from work Although we would all greet him when he came back if we were all home, right? And you know, you got to celebrate, you know, dads want to be celebrated when they come back home Especially if they're the breadwinner in this case And but yeah, I mean on the weekends That's when we would have some activities do some yard work some character building stuff But I will say this David there was no pigskin being thrown. There was ping-pong. Yeah It was more like museum trips. It definitely was not fitting into like the typical merkin pattern But I never felt entitled to that either because I just knew that we were an immigrant family from just a really really different place Um, somebody said, you know, I noticed here in California when you get to the enclave communities Sometimes the dads are not out working too much. They're just out kicking it, too I this is something that I realized when we moved to California in the St. Gabriel Valley where there's a ton of Mix Hawaii Singapore or something like that. Yeah, basically you're in a whole world of your own So now it goes back to whatever you want to do You want to go hang out with friends if the dad wants to go have a beer they want to go kick it with friends So I guess that's something that I didn't know really happened because where we're from it was more like all the Asian dads We're essentially just working pretty hard. It was either the Menari situation or more some nerdy or version of the Menari situation But that's only gonna happen when you're in an ethnic enclave somebody said, you know My dad was never bad to me, but he never really seemed to care either It was almost like I was low-key adopted or a stepchild, but I just know that I wasn't I don't know if it's because my dad wanted a boy and I was a girl or whatever But it was just like there, but he just didn't like really take a caring to the details of my life Yeah, I mean it's it's unfortunate to hear this But but I know some people like that and even me being the youngest kid. I do feel maybe a step More disconnected than dad from dad growing up than maybe even you Written further from the the core of the tree. Yeah, because like, you know, maybe, you know I don't speak the language as well and and I don't know. I'm just the youngest So maybe dad didn't want to think about it as much you figure like being raised around all you guys I was going to be fine, you know Yeah, so it's interesting to see how different people perceive it and who knows what the family situations were to create this But absolutely you it you take any family with multiple kids They're gonna each have slightly different relationships with each parent somebody's more of a mom somebody more with dad is all but And it's unfortunate But the truth is not every person in the world or not every man in the world Like was dying to be a father or wanted to father Everything now not everybody and especially asian dad is not the lifetime movie father dad, you know It ain't gonna be and we're gonna talk about emotional intelligence in a second. All right Yeah, not that it's right or wrong somebody said, uh, why did you let mom torment me dad? You know, my dad was there and he loved us But he never stopped my mom and everybody knew my mom was abusive My dad knew my mom was abusive most both physically and emotionally, but he never stopped it I think that I always resented him for not stopping mom. Well, you know I just make the money and I put it there and then I let your mom do what she has to do I don't argue, you know, this is this is the setup that I have with your mother So, you know and not not to make light of it, but I mean that is sometimes what it is, you know, and unfortunately I think asian parents and let's just talk about asian dads because this is what the video is about. It's like Their ecu emotional intelligence is not necessarily high like they don't let's just say average two out of ten That's not what they're trained to do. So they're not reading the room Maybe they comfort you but they also know like hey, I'm with this woman. I'm married I don't necessarily agree with how she's talking to my kids But we have this setup and I'm gonna let her handle it. So unfortunately, this is what happens and again I'm not making excuses for anybody in this video, but That's possibly what was going on somebody said, uh, you know what? I was taught my dad that true asian dad love is just taking care of the family It's not about tropical getaways anniversary presents or fun family outings I didn't have any of that it is the ironclad commitment to the family without any of the toppings and dressings all cake No frosting. Yeah, man. This is a good way to put it. I mean, I remember during the weekdays, right? We didn't really engage with dad a lot Even though he was in the house and on the weekends dad would put some time into Wanting to cook his food on the weekends and then some nice soup Yeah, and and it's so funny because I remember him standing over us as we're trying to food and he's like Hey, it's good. Huh? And then as kids I'm not thinking about his feelings and how much work he put into this dish. I don't care. I'm just thinking I don't know dad. It's too salty. I don't like the corn the corn is soggy Yeah, it's kind of greasy and then dad would get mad and be like Guys, I just cooked his food. Why do you and then? You know at that time when we're kids. I'm just like, don't dad. Why are you tripping about this? But then I empathize with it now growing up and I'm like, no, that was his time He did something for us. He just wanted us to enjoy it as kids Maybe mom should have just been like, hey, god, just say it's good and just, you know, abuse your dad You know, obviously when you're a kid, man, the one thing you are not is a big picture thinker You just do not know how anything interconnects within the family or, you know, not not the We're thinking about how to be cool at school and all this other stuff. So I do think some of it is a mismatch between Eastern society and western society that is a huge chasm For a lot of people to make that jump to be honest and some It's much harder to close it. I think it's hard for anybody But some dads never even make the jump and here's one little bit is like I don't know if you're a kid who grew up watching a lot of disney or a lot of sitcoms Where you watch those families play out and then maybe some part of you is like, yeah What if my family's like that? What if I talked that way to my parents? Or what if I brought that home to my dad and you know how like if you did it didn't necessarily go Well, we actually I'll tell this is like too much of a side story But like we actually have a cousin who super tries to do that with her immigrant family And sometimes it just seems so weird of family outings. I don't really blame her though I don't blame her. I don't blame her. You want the american life. You want the lifetime You want the cbs like anyway somebody said my dad was always gone So he picked up some so I picked up some habits from my mom like being too cautious Being too scared of the public streets and just caring about harmoniousness at my job too much Which is really prevented my career advancement I blame my dad for not being there because he never taught me the man lessons that I need to compete with other men Yeah, I mean Listen, I think that one of the key things is like if your dad is not out there coaching you and I'm going to get to Coaching in a second how it's very tiring But if your dad's not like sitting you down and giving you game or maybe he doesn't have the game Maybe he doesn't know how to navigate. So anyways, he's not giving it to you. You got to find male role Models somewhere else and nowadays it's a lot easier But back then you would really find it through teachers and sports or or maybe nowadays, obviously There's so many internet things and so many it's uh Asshad gpt But nowadays, uh, what do you think about somebody complaining that asian dads or asian immigrant parents in general Tell you what not to do But they don't give you the plan of how to fix it and how to go forward In a positive manner. Yeah, they just say no Which is good because it prevents you from doing some things that are definitely a no to it But they don't tell you what to say yes to I mean Anybody out there? Have you ever like tutored math? You know, have you ever tried to coach somebody on how to play a game? Have you ever tried to teach something some somebody some new skill? It's a lot of energy and you and it really helps if you're a better coach because there are better ways to coach There are different ways to coach and let's be honest a lot of asian parents They're not trained or they don't think about being an actual coach or teacher So they'll raise you they'll give they'll give you the shelter They'll give you the hug. They'll give you your birthdays even they'll give you what you need But as far as communicating ideas and telling you what to do instead They might not even have the answers let alone the skills to teach you. Yeah I mean it's complicated everybody's in a different situation and everybody's parents came over here But uh, it seems to be a quite a common thing or else they wouldn't make so many tv shows and movies about this situation That we're describing somebody said, you know this whole time until I got older I did not know what my dad was dealing with I kind of resented my dad growing up then once we both got older He kind of told me what he was going through and it made me feel bad for resenting him when I was 15 Yeah, man, this is a tough situation again Like parents are not going to tell you everything especially immigrant parents who are struggling They really don't want to tell their kids a lot of things because they don't want to pass down that trauma And they don't want to seem weak or vulnerable. Yeah, they don't like being open Whether that's due to being introverted naturally culturally or Confucianism or some sense of shame shame is like huge in the asian community face Somebody said, uh, you know, I got respect for my dad and I know a lot of my asian friends Sons we we got respect for our dads as solid a1 dudes But we have mixed feelings about who they are and how they interact with the world 100% man like I think that You know v1.0 of the iphone v1.0 of the samsung fold v1.0 of any sort of camera that's your favorite camera body series lineage It's like it ain't gonna be but 2.0 3.0 4.0 is show me an immigrant kid who thought That their immigrant dad did a 10 out of 10 job There's not that many and and I think that maybe we might be judging asian dads too hard But that's okay to feel that way. It's understandable. However, there's not right to resent them for being the 1.0 Though there is the 2.0 is only possible because of 1.0 exactly man So they're in they're in a tough situation somebody said, you know, I'm not really frustrated by the asian dads because uh You know, I don't really deal with asian dads. I just have my own dad But uh, I'm always frustrated by my friends that seem like they just picked up the flaws that their asian dads had About not really understanding america or seeing the bigger picture. I thought this was an interesting perspective Dude as an american kid. I think what you have to realize and this is for any kids or any young parents out there I'm like, dude, the kids got you got to triangulate the cultures. You got to pick and choose mix and match Right, so you got the triangle. You have these different cultures. Maybe this was an influence Maybe this was another male figure role model or and this was your dad You're somewhere in between this triangle. You might be closer in this corner or closer in this corner But you got to figure it out You got a robocop iron man suit your life Yeah, and it's tough because nobody teaches you how to do that. But you know, you got to seem iron man Um real quick and what are the couple things that people need to realize? Um, I would say this man. Your dad is from a different world. It's as simple as that man It's like a different planet especially if your dad is like 50 60 70 plus Man, they did what they grew up with it was like so yeah And honestly not all asian dads chose to come here on their own accord a lot of asian dads did choose to come here and That's even going to kind of dictate how they adapt to certain cultures to number two some people Assimilate differently to different levels. Oh, yeah I mean think about it this way when you go on a trip like if you've ever been to asia as an american Probably what was let realistically you went to a big city. What was the first thing you did? You ended up connecting with a lot of other english speakers I know this people do this all the time because you're in your comfort zone So think about that you're on a short trip and the first thing you do is just try to meet other people like you So that same feeling times that by a lot and that's what a lot of asian parents went through so Their ability to adapt. Yes, it did come down to their desires Their goals maybe already the culture that they were coming from some parents were exposed to western culture in asia already coming over But some were not so then it makes it harder Um, you have to analyze everything you're taught take the good things and leave the bad things basically Some sort of mix and match Right some sort of mixing and matching dude. You do not have to just take on everything for your parents Um, I think there's and because not all parents are the same. Let's be honest So I guess you just have to mix and match your Not everybody's parents is going to be the LeBron of parenting just like I and we are not the LeBron of youtubers I'd like to think that we're what we're good youtubers, but definitely we ain't the goat. All right um Moving on to number four andrew you got to take a look at the world and outside of like the organic world You were born into and find some role models, right? You ought to Define the ability to relate to people that are not necessarily trying to relate to you or just like somebody You see as like a shining example to to copy right? Yeah, man I mean, listen your mentor doesn't only have to be your father I think that you always have to show respect to your dad But guys there's a bunch of other stuff like there's so many So much literature so much content so many videos There's channels literally called like i'm your dad and then it's like a guy speaking to the boys like No using as if the watcher is their son. Yeah, that's the pov And i'm like guys like there's so many help self-help books out there You have to use all this information to your advance I get it that a lot of people leaving these comments are around our age They grew up with immigrant fathers who are probably in their 60s and 70s right now So they come from a certain generation, but nowadays you got to use What is that your fingertips to your advantage? Um, it is ultimately still not an excuse to be a whack person even if you got zero social coaching from your dad dude Hey, man, if you're a fully formed adult and you're still a whack person It's on you at some point. It's a you got to take responsibility guys Like if you're not, I mean everybody's responsible for their own life Yes, there are different, you know critical stages of development and form formative years or whatever like that But at the end of the day, man, you only got one life. I mean, you know depending on what beliefs are You only got one rep. So I met some Unlikable people in my older years and I'm like, dang I don't know how you were raised or what happened to you, but you are just terribly Unlikable, bro. Uh last but not least we got a quote from a comedian Randall Park He said at times my father does walk that line of being the classic bumbling sitcom dad But there is always the undercurrent of struggle and sacrifice Which is something I see in my own father and in some ways myself So basically it's like man all these things all these pros and cons You're probably gonna have pros and cons as a dad. It's like man It's still at the end of the day part of what makes you you dude I don't I don't think there's a single person out there Maybe a single person of any culture that didn't see their dad have some Homer Simpson moments in their life Little handkill. Yeah, but real goofball moments real like whoa, where's this guy from? Like it definitely happens when you're an immigrant kid and a lot of dads in general I mean, I don't want to say it's like just immigrant dads, but it might I don't know Maybe it even occurs at a higher rate There's a reason why characters like Homer Simpson are so popular because a lot of people see some part of their dad in that But I think at the end of the day like uh You know, it's kind of funny to think about who's to say like you're not gonna have some Homer Simpson moments with your dad You know I'm just trying to turn my brain off work so hard to take care of my family during the weekend You know sometimes just make some goofery now about it's perfect Well anyways guys, hopefully this video will help let us know in the comments down below what you think about all this You know let us know if it's relatable let us know a story from your childhood Just go ahead and maybe maybe typing it out and leaving a comment is helpful Maybe it's going to be a little cathartic for you because I know uh, it was even cool for us to talk about Yeah, and I know there's a huge spectrum There's people who even grew up without fathers and stuff like that So, you know, like we said we we always just here to try to make create You know, uh make useful content that you guys aren't going to find anywhere else And until next time we out with a hop-hop boys. Peace