 manufacturers of low pressure tires presents another half hour of trope in the program with here comes that educator of children that power of wisdom Jack Benny Thank you, thank you Say something, Mr. Benny Jimmy McClarnan sat in the corner eating a welterweight pie he put in his thumb, pulled out the decision and said, what a good boy am I? Did you see that fight, Jack? Did I? Why, Donna was right there at the ringside Did I see that fight? Well, Jack, I was at the ringside and I looked all around but I didn't see you What row were you in, Don? I was in row A Well, I was right behind you, row X Row X Row X, talking the world of the man in your position come to get in row X Politics, Don, you know, there's nothing like knowing people, you know Yes, but row X is way back, isn't it? Oh, no, Donna, it's A-B-C-D-E-X Sixth row, that isn't bad, is it? Well, I had a wonderful seat, Jack, row A Right next to the ring, eh, Don? No, not exactly You see, there were 10 rows of press seats and then came 6 rows of Republicans 6 rows of Democrats and 5 rows of people who couldn't find their seats in the rear And then came row A Yes, exactly You must have got your face full of rosin, eh, Don? But then I've seen worse row A's than that Well, I remember Boyle's 30 acres in Jersey City where Carpentier and Dempsey fought I remember that Well, I had row C for that fight What a place that was The fight was held in Jersey City The row A was in Elizabeth Row B was in Trenton and I had row C in Philadelphia Philadelphia? Why, that's where Dempsey and Tunney fought That's right, I sat down in row C and waited for the Dempsey-Tunney fight I killed that gag myself, didn't I? Jack, what did you think of the McLaren and Ross fight? Very good, Don, but nothing like back in 1903 when Terry McGovern fought young Corbett There was a fight Do you call that a fight? Well, I remember back in 1892 when Jim Corbett knocked out Sullivan Corbett knocked out Sullivan? Yes, Jack, he certainly did Now, you don't know what you're talking about Corbett knocked out Sullivan Mary? Yes, Jack Get Sullivan on the phone Okay Hello, operator Get me the Daily News I want to speak to Ed Sullivan We'll find out Yes Yes He isn't in Jack How about Mr. Solomon? No, Mary We're talking about fighters Did you see the Ross and McLaren fight the other night? Who, Jack? Ross McLaren See, the last name is familiar Mary, listen On last Monday night, it didn't happen to Rain So two fellas by the name of Jimmy McLaren and Barney Ross got into a ring in Long Island in 4th Did you hear anything about it at all? Oh, Jimmy and Barney Sure, I was there, Jack Well, what did you think of the fight? Very cute It was a cute fight, yes And you know, Jack, Jimmy kept flirting with me all during the fight He kept waving at me He wasn't waving at you He was missing Ross there, waving at you Oh, I wondered why Ross kept bowing to me Mary, he wasn't bowing Look, he was ducking the punches Well, don't tell me Jimmy wasn't flirting In the 7th round, he winked at me Winked at you He's left eye was closed by a punch Oh, yeah? He can't get away with that I'll kill him for breach of promise Oh, sure, Mary Why did you even go to see that fight? Because that's where everybody ran when it stopped raining Oh, well Well, that makes sense, though Hello, Mary Hi, Jack Oh, hello, Frank Well, Parker, were you there? Was I? Well, I never saw anything that close in my life First it was one, then the other What a contest Who do you really think won? The rainbow Do you know how to sail a boat? We're ignorant, it's a place of certain gathers, no more Yeah Play down before it's too late So, Jack, I saw the fight and I thought it was swell Save it for the next fight, we're running overtime now Well, then play down Yeah, that's the idea That was Don Bester in his low-age think-o-bater playing You ain't been living right And Don, I want to say that was fine I like about you and your boys You always give everything you've got Thanks, Jack And you know, folks, Don is one of the best-less Orchestra leaders on the air Of course, he doesn't look so good on the street But on the air, he's marvelous I wouldn't talk much about you, Jack Look at that suit you're wearing The suit, what's the matter with it? The brand new outfit You know, just a little knock-about suit A knock-about suit? Yes, he knocked about eight dollars off the tent Yeah, you know, Don The guy that really dresses on this program is Wilson I mean, he always looked the mac at it Say, the Wilson, that's the dinner suit you've got on, isn't it? Dinner's fine I know that you have a little breakfast on it, too I'd be a little careful if I were you, you know What men on this program? They're gonna follow And now, folks, we have a big surprise for you this evening As you remember, the last two weeks we put on school act But this week, we have something entirely different Something that... Oh, Jack, here's a letter for you I think it's for you Let's have it This isn't for me, Mary Well, it was addressed to Don Ruffin But Frank Parker opened it by mistake And he said, he thinks it's for you Mary, it's for you, isn't it? No, I read it by mistake, and it's for you Well, that better let me read it by mistake It's from the Board of Education in Paw Socket A wound socket, Rhode Island What's the name of that town, Mary? What's the difference as long as you're healthy? Oh, sure It reads, um, Dear Jack Benny Or if opened by mistake, hello We have a short-wave radio set On which we have no trouble getting Bulgaria, Algeria, Bavaria, and Neralgia Last week while trying to get malaria We accidentally tuned in on your school day program And it reminded us of the first three letters in the word loud And the last three letters in Jersey Gentlemen, I don't quite get that Let's see, the first three letters in the word loud And the last three in Jersey Do you get it, Mary? Sure, a lot of people wear loud jerseys I guess that's what they mean, yeah I guess that's it They also say, of course this is only a small school But some great scholars have come from our classes The governor of Rhode Island came pretty near going to our school And looked where he is today And we could mention hundreds of others We would like to match our pupils against yours anytime Sign board from education P.S. Bass Oh, yeah, that last crack got me I didn't mind that letter so much, but they can't bear me Wilson, throw out that scenery for our play We gotta go back to school days and show these people from Rhode Island With the help of Providence that they can't bluff us Go on with the school act For Jack, we have no pupils tonight Just ring the bell, they'll be here Here come all the kitties Didn't I tell you, you'd be surprised how many sooges are waiting for that bell Play doggies School days, school days They're all bowing through It's the kick I'm the master of my favorite thing You are my fast-full barefoot boy I'm the master of my favorite thing You are my fast-full barefoot boy You are my girl in Cali Well, not my slate, I love... My children before teacher gets nervous Good morning Mary. How are you this morning? I've got a headache teacher What are you gonna say? Got a teacher headache? Ah, I've got a headache teacher That's from trying to thank you pupils We'll have to stop this practice I will now call the roll Don Bester Jr Here teacher Put out that cigar John Wilson Jr. Here. Away with that racing form. Ben Burnie Jr. Oh, yes, sir. I'm here with all the work. Junior, am I here, am I here? Use your hand to give Jimmy. Frank Cromat. I couldn't crumb it today. Who wrote that? Carcival E. Clare. I'm here, teacher. That name certainly fooled me. Singin' Sam Jr. I am here. I am here. All right, all right. We know you're Bing Crosby Jr. Bing Crosby Jr. Well, Crosby's are too young for school. Imagine two months old. You better wait another week. Will you stop crumming and go home? Maurice Chevalier Jr. Oh, all right. Me and teacher have just finished. Man, no picture, because they married with us. So I have come back to school right now. Thank you. Hey, Francis. I'm right here with Maurice, teacher. You're telling me. All I know is what I read in the papers. Bert Wheeler Jr. That was last week, teacher. That's right. They graduate fast here. Pido, Jr. Pido, why weren't you in school last week? Oh, well, you must take care of yourself, yes. Well, I guess everybody's here now. Ah, there's a new pupil. I haven't seen your face before, young man. What's your name? My name is Moe. What Moe? Meanie, Meanie Moe. Oh, that Moe. I said, where do you live, Moe? Kansas City. Oh, you're a Kansas City Moe, I see. Precisely. Well, sit down. I don't want to hear any Moe from you. That was good. Now, children, we will start in with our usual morning exercises. Stand up. Throw out your chest. Now, throw back your shoulders. Now, look at you without chest or shoulders. Pick them up again. Now, children, bend down. Stretch out your arms. Ready? One, two, three, four. One, two, three. Don Wilson, don't jump. I'm not jumping, teacher. Just hand your body. Oh, pardon me. And now, children, we will start with our music lesson. Frankie Parker Jr. will sing his song for today, The Very Thought of You. Oh, can I sing two teachers? Yes, Don, but not as good as Parker. Children, children, quiet, quiet, children. That was Frankie Parker singing The Very Thought of You. Children, we will now start with our daily lessons. History first. Mary Livingston? Yes, teacher. Who was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen? Washington. Correct. And who was first in the American League? Detroit, but it was Washington last year. That's right. And who chopped down the cherry trees? The Giants. Right. They are first in the National League, yes. Frankie Parker Jr.? Yes, teacher. Frankie, who was the father of our country? I don't know, but Eddie Candor isn't doing bad. No, Frankie. It was Washington. Oh, he gets blamed for everything. Mindy Moe, stand up. Yes, teacher. How much is 11 and 9 divided by 2? Washington. You're wrong. Well, everybody else said Washington, and it was all right. Well, maybe I'm wrong. None of us are infallibles. Fido, I'll get to you later. Don Vester Jr.? Yes, teacher. What are the three great products of the North? The three great products of the North are automobiles, steel, and the new general tires with the corkscrew grip. Corkscrew, that's right. Now, Moe, Moe, you tell me, what are the three great products of the South? What are those just there? Remind me of a great year's cup after school. It's a date. You know, you will not have a chance. You will not have it until after school. Secretary of Labor. Oh, getting that cabinet till after school. You'll have a chance to be present. Yeah, I'll have a chance. Yeah, about the same chance, yes. Now, Moe, what do you find at the school theater? The Senator Long of Louisiana's first. This is a red, please. Senator Long's fresh name is Huey. Oh, I'm going to have trouble with Huey, too. That's a lot of Huey. Yes, Fido, you can leave the room. We will now take up a recipe. Don Vester Jr., what state is the city of Newark in? New Jersey. Now we're getting someplace. Don Wilson Jr., what state is Boise in? I don't know. That's right, Boise, Idaho. And what other large city is in Idaho? Girlsie. Boise and Girlsie, correct? Mary Livingston? Yes, teacher. Name the largest city in the state of Washington? The largest city in Washington is... Now come, come, maybe I can help you. What do you do with your eyes? See. And what keeps the doctor away? An apple. Then what is the largest city in Washington? The apple. The apple Washington, that's right. Very good. And I'll tell me, what state is Portland in? Portland is in... Er... Er... Er again, that's it, Er again. That's right, Portland, Er again. Percival E. Clare? Yes, teacher. Never mind, never mind. Mary Livingston? Yes, teacher. Stand up and tell the class what happened in 1776? What street? I mean, what happened in the year 1776? Oh, that's way before my time. Why don't you ask Frankie Parker? All right, sit down. Frankie Parker, what happened in the year 1776? What? 17... Where did the Boston Tea Party take place? I don't know, I drink coffee. Does anybody in this classroom drink tea? I drink beer, teacher. All right then, where did the Boston Beer Party take place? 255 Simmons, did you get free lunch with it? All right, mark down that number. We will now take up our spelling. Mary Livingston? Belle Chrysanthemum? Belle, I've got a cold and can't even smell it. Then smell rose. Ah! Now, Dom Besser Jr., tell me, who was the Volga Boltzmann? Oh, I don't know, none of them are perfect. Neither are you. Frankie Parker Jr.? Frankie Parker Jr.? Likewise. Likewise, what is an optimist? An optimist is a man who makes eyeglasses. Eyeglasses is an optimist. Then what is an optician? When a man puts a deposit on something, he takes an optician on it. That's an option. Well, yes, if you want to use slang. Oh. Oh, teacher, teacher, what is it, Moe? I know what an optimist is. What? The British Sailboat Endeavour. Well, why is the Endeavour an optimist? Because it's always chasing rainbow. I get it, I get it, chasing rainbow. And what is a rainbow, Mary? Rainbow is a crowd with too much lip room. That's good, that's good. And I should like it. Morton Downey Jr., Morton, you haven't been paying attention to our program. What's on your mind? I don't want an optimist. Now, look what you did. You woke up Fido. I'll have to ask him questions. Fido, how much are two and two? Four. Thank heaven we have one intelligent pupil in this class. I knew the answer, but I can't bark. Oh. Now Fido, who do you think won the big fight last Monday night? I don't know, but it cost me 10 bucks. Now Fido, one more question. When you go out hunting, what animal do you catch? Rabbit. That's it, rabbit. And what's the synonym for rabbit? Come come now. What's another word for rabbit? It's hare. What? Oh, you two, hare, hare. What's on your head? Please, he's only a dog. Hey, Jack, that's my joke. I know, but it's his please. Get out of here, Fido. Get out. Come out. Now puke, pupil. It's getting late, so I want to give you your homework for tomorrow. I want every one of them. There goes the ballot. Too late. School is over. Children, you can all go home. Goodbye, teachers. Goodbye, teachers. Goodbye. Goodbye, children. Goodbye, Johnny Woods. Thanks again for doing those limitations. Oh, you're welcome. Oh, Mary. Mary, come back here a minute. What is it, teacher? It's a writing pad and pencil. I want you to put a little ad in the newspaper. All right. What did I say? For sale, first-class school house suitable for garage, Chinese laundry, or high-class taxes. Money, no objects. Must unload as we are doing a play next week. Address, J.B. Box 52, General Tire and Rubber Company, Akron, Ohio. Anything else? No. Good night, Mary. Good night, puke. That reminds me, how much is puke than puke? Four. That's right. Played puke. Erdan. This message is directed to the young businessmen of America, not only as a business opportunity, but without egotism it can be spoken of as a mission that has a considerable bearing upon the safety and well-being of a vast percentage of the people, the motoring public. Among the car owners of America, there are probably few who have not realized from the frequently published figures the staggering loss of life and limb that is caused annually by skidding accidents. The skidding bill of America is bigger than the tire bill. That fact has stood constantly as a challenge to the tire industry. It has been intensified every year with a step up in power and speed of automobiles. And every year with formidable pride, General Tire has managed to meet the challenge in many cases a year or two in advance of letter including references direct to the General Tire and Rubber Company, Akron, Ohio. Inquiries should not be made in person or by telegraph. Once again the address, the General Tire and Rubber Company, Akron, Ohio. This is the National Broadcasting Company. Quarter of a minute past 11 o'clock Eastern Daylight Saving Time, W-E-A-F, New York.