 Hey there, friends! How's it going? My name is Kevans, and today we're playing BitLife. Sometimes they just say weird stuff, like I didn't mean to say that, but then my brain's just like, Hey, Kevin, save Van. Ah! You know, that could be a cause, a lot of the damage. Yeah, I could explain a lot. Anyway, today we're playing BitLife. Your current life has been saved. Oh, thank goodness. I didn't want to ruin my progress. I have 27 years of progress here that I don't want to lose. No, we're not being Karen. We've already done that. And we're going to be an everything addict. With the typo apparently. All right. All right. Where's Vegas? I want to live in Vegas. Probably a bad start for someone called everything addict. After playing all morning, your mother says you need to drink something. Oh, give me some apple juice. I'm addicted. I'm one year old. I'm already starting on the hard stuff. Now I'm suffering from middle ear infection. Wait, I can go to the emergency room? I'm an infant. You're treated at the emergency room. I made that decision as a four year old. Great, I've got asthma. Okay, that was a wild ride. I was just kind of clicking through it because on their own, they all seemed kind of simple, but it ended when my parents divorcing. And now I'm depressed. Look, this is how it happened. It was such a gradual process over the course of a few days. I'm being bullied at school by Maurice. I tried to claw my classmate Maurice. I was sent to the principal's office for fighting. I argued with the principal. I was suspended from school. My father argued with me because I was suspended from school. I reprimanded him. My parents immediately divorced. You see what I mean? It gradually kind of escalated and I didn't think it was worth even talking about, but then it led to divorce and depression. So far so good in this life. I can see why he's addicted to everything. Your music teacher, Mrs. Stevens, just announced that she can't wait for parent conferences so that she can see who is responsible for breathing you. Can you just give me a break? I'm six years old. My parents just divorced directly because of me and I'm depressed. No, don't squeeze her forehead. Upper cut her groin. I mean, you are six so it kind of makes sense. Oh my God, that's a lot of damage. Oh, now I'm at the principal's office again. What's going to happen? My parents are going to get divorced twice? I have no consequences for this. Argue with them. I got expelled. I forgot that was another thing that could happen. Oh well. Your next door neighbor who just finished raking leaves tells you that you can play in his leaves if you want. All right, that helped. I'm a little bit happier. Hey neighbor, you don't have any drugs under those leaves, do you? It's important to note, I don't want to just get addicted to the substances in the game. I want to get addicted to everything in life. So I'll start with shoplifting. Deal a mini Zen garden. That could calm you down. Wait, Harry Potter puzzle. Steal that. Yes, 11 bucks for it too. I mean, I would have kept it to be honest. And now my depression is cured. I guess this is where the path started. He was depressed for years and then he stole one thing and he's like, I'm suddenly over the moon. I'm delighted. Okay, do I actually need glasses? Oh no, I found the S. Okay, that one's hard. I like how he was wearing glasses while doing the test and then passed it. And then took them off. Doesn't really make a lot of sense. See, I have perfect vision as long as I'm wearing my glasses. I don't need glasses. The cat just died. But he sipped on brandy during a parody and died from alcohol poisoning, putting a damper on an otherwise lit parody. That's not poggers at all. And now Anita over here is sculpting a jumbo penis in our class. Attack her. Yeah, liquor ear, that'll show. Damage. I think that's all psychological. You know, I think I'm just gonna skip through these. It's been a few rough years. I just want to get to 18 so I can numb my sorrows. I can't lie. So I just prayed that I would feel better. There we go. Graduated from high school. Absolutely depressed. I'm gonna try and go to university for once. I never go to university in this game. Why am I not getting accepted to business school? Why? Why are you all neglecting me? In front of class, your professor questions your heart. What does that mean? Spit in his mouth. For fact sake. I'm going to the Dean's office. I've been expelled. Okay. Can I go to vet school? No. Oh, come on. I already know you shouldn't feed cats brandy. That's gotta mean something, right? Please love me somewhere. Let me do something. Oh, no wonder he gets addicted. All right, we're going straight to crime. That's gonna be my first addiction. All right, steal a car. That's a good start. What do I want? Mitsubishi Outlander. Steal it. A soldier saw you and called the cops before he got started. I have been arrested. I've been found guilty. Okay. With the character attacking someone, I'm telling, I'm getting involved in this. You've been released from prison. My health is very bad. So someone offered to bring me to yoga. Yeah, I'll go to yoga. I feel much more robust after getting mounted by a goat during a yoga class. Okay, that's great. That's fine. All right, I have 11 bucks. Should I just try and get a job and try and make some money? I'm a monk. Oh, come on, criminal record. Aren't you supposed to forgive me? I'm confessing to you. Porn set janitor then. That was my second favorite choice. Do you have any plans for future education? I wish I did, but I don't think anyone will have me. Spit in his mouth. I don't know. Is that a good or bad answer? Because like, I know it shows ambition, which is nice, but like, I don't think a porn set janitor wants you taking further education, do they? I'll never stop learning. Say that. Yes, I got hired. A crazy person at the gym asked me to date them. Yay, we're dating. Great. Spit in his mouth. That didn't last long at all. She says it's not you. It's that. What kind of a statement is that? Oh my God, my father looks pissed. He does not like me at all. All right, my mom likes me though. Will you give me money? Thank you. All right, I'm going to invest this straight into myself. You're thinking about possible accomplices for your delinquent behavior. Who will you pick? A random monk. You and a monk locked a priest into a bathroom at a local movie theater. Nice. That'll show him for not hiring you. You know what? If you've absolutely no skills and no one wants you, you got to do one of the worst things imaginable. Become a YouTuber. All right, I'm heading to the casino and I'm betting 10 grand. It's just over half my net worth. Oh no, and he got such a better hand. Oh, I got to take a hit on that one. I'm bust. Oh dear. All right, I'll just earn that back and I'll call it quits. Deal me in. That is a horrible hand. He also is a bad star. I'll stand. I'm going to stay. Please bust. Oh no. Okay. I'll go do some other crime then. Wait, I'm going in the negative? I bust. Oh my god. Okay. Oh my god. I just hit on 20. My accident. So lucky. I had a nine and an eight, so I was on 20. And then I hit and got a queen with the ace counts as a one as well. So I got 20 again. Oh, that was lucky. This is my lucky day. I better keep going. Hit me. Just hoping for that 21. I don't know how I'm still going to be honest with you. I got 20 on my 19. Because I'm in the minus. You have a debt. Oh no. Run for it. Yes, run for it. Oh no. I was captured by the guards. Okay. They're just sending me to prison. That might be better. I thought they were going to kill me to be honest with you. Come on. $120 fine and you're locking me up. Oh no. I lost my job as the porn set janitor. That was my dream job. Like right after Monk, it was right there in second. While watching the news with your cellmate, you see a story detailing I killed six criminals. Congratulations. Okay. I got released. Let's go to the casino. Hello, roller. Unwelcome. Lifetime ban. Okay. You got 19 grand off me and now you won't let me back in because you know I'd win it back. You're scared of me. Is that it? All right. Let's make a YouTube video. Exposing this. The editing was perfect. Your video got zero views. I need money. I can't get addicted to anything if I have no money. Porn historian. There you go. You know a thing or two about that. There we go. We got the job and I'm no longer depressed. Now that he's back with his passion, he's no longer depressed. All right. Let's go clubbing in the shaft. Sounds terrifying. A potential hookup. Yeah, go for it. You're enjoying it. You're enjoying it. And then she says you weren't as bad as she expected. What did she expect if she got that much enjoyment? That's like one percent. You see an extremely large man in the midst of a heart attack at the convenience store. Look, we've had a tough life. It's time to turn over a new leaf. Just look the other way. I witnessed a man having a heart attack. I look the other way. For no reason. I could have just called an ambulance but you're like, no, no. He just wants the attention. Go clubbing again. That went great. Look, you enjoyed yourself. Yeah, I'll take it. He just doesn't understand. He's just like, what is this? And now I'm addicted to it. You need to come up with a name for a historical book about pornography that you were writing. What will you call it? Um, these are all just awful. I'm going to go in legends of the lewd. I've named the book. That's like halfway to finishing it. I've just named it. I don't write anything. And then I head straight to the shaft. How about we get addicted to some plastic surgery? Snickles reputation is only half. But he's like two thirds the price. Yes. Nice Botox. Why is your health so low? What's wrong with you? Oh, I see. Yeah, I'll take it. Why do I keep getting like 13s? All right, hit me. Oh my God. I hate being everything addict. Yes, a 20. Finally, I won. But the problem is I keep losing when I do the big bets and then the smaller bets. I win. Just leave. Just leave the casino and go clubbing. Clubbing is going way better. That's a much better addiction. The parody life. I'm going to go to Billy Joe's disco. Look, I enjoyed that way more than the shaft. Drunk person started arguing. I just fucking attack him. Yeah, bite his skull. You know what? Go with the default. He died. Oh my God. I didn't think that would happen. Did I not get in trouble? Oh, wait. Hold on. He did a bit extra. I bit the hymn skull. Then I pummeled him with body blows to the midsection. I didn't tell you to do that part. I don't know if I should go back to Billy Joe's disco anymore. I think I should stay away from that. It's time for a penis enlargement from Dr. Snickles. It was botched. Yes. I just have through the money. God, the hookups were not going well. When he was normal. Now how is it going to go? I got depressed. Your co-worker started a rumor that you have a human skull in your head. Does it have teeth marks on it? Because if so, that could be true. Started a rumor back about her. And she reports me to HR. All right. I have enough money now to start my lawsuit. I want 50 grand in damages and I'll get the most expensive lawyers on the case. Yes. 50k. I'm heading to the casino. A 14. Fantastic. I'm going to stand on the hopes that he gets a 10 and then has to hit again on a 15. 22. There we go. I did it. I finally won a 10 grand hand. This is the luckiest streak I've been on since my conception. I'm going to go again at 13. Are you serious? Will you stop? Okay. They bust. Fantastic. Oh my God. I've lost eight and a half thousand during my lifetime. I'm catching up. Bet 100k. I don't even have 100k. Okay. Here's my moment. Cross your fingers, Mr. Attic. At 13. Are you kidding me like? What is this? If they get a 10, they have to hit on 16, right? I'll stand. Are you serious? You got a two, a six, a seven and a three. Oh no. Oh no. I've... Oh no. I go again. This is my only chance. Just don't tell them that I don't have any money to back this up with. And I got a 12. Hit me. You got to be kidding me. Five years. God, it really doesn't scale well, does it? Like 150 dollars. I got three years and 125,000. I got five years. My happiness, health and looks are zero. The only thing that has a bit in it are smats. And this is the guy who keeps going to jail for the same thing. I don't think that's accurate. I think it's inflated. My mom sent me a word search book. Return it to sender. Just circle the letters to spell out send drugs next time. All right. I've been released from prison. The things are not looking good. And I'm still so much in the hole. Now that I'm banned from the casinos, I have no way of earning the money back. How can I do this? I could resort to crime, of course. But I'm not going to get away with that. Could I adopt the child? No, I can't. I just want to be happy again. I thought it might be a good idea. Let's just go clubbing. Maybe we can meet someone at the shaft. They won't even let me in because of my looks. I can't even get surgery anymore because I don't have money. And what other way could I fix my looks other than, you know, trying to better myself through slow and steady progress, like going to a gym and taking care of my mental health. But that's just absurd. Now, if I kill my parents so I could inherit their money, are you guys rich? Okay, she just gave me two and a half. Okay, yeah, they're rich. Yeah, okay, they're both rich. And since they're divorced, if I kill them separately, then they should give me the money instead of each other, right? That makes sense. All right, let's get the mom first. Stupid word search book. You found a hit man going by the name of James Bond who's willing to pull off the hit on your mother. I can't lose. You don't have enough money. An IOU should suffice, surely. That is so sad. I can't afford to kill my own mother. That is just... What kind of society are we living in? I'll do it myself then. This isn't going to work, is it? Like I already got away with murder. He's probably pretty cocky. Should I try the bank robbery first? What is the best way to get money here? I don't know how to get 120 grand. Oh, great. I got a job as an exorcist, actually. This could work out. And I'm no longer depressed. Turns out exercise can help. How witty. I'm going to die. Time to hit the clubs. Oh, come on, dude. I can't afford surgery. Just let me in. My father passed away. Yes. Father time is the greatest hit man of all. He didn't give me anything. I'm pissed. Oh, my health. How can I boost this paddle boarding? Will that put up my health? Okay, that helped my health. I mean, I guess I just never leave the house. I actually have no idea how to get money from this situation. Like I can just work it off, but it'll take years. And I don't know if my guy will last years, to be honest with you. I thought porn cameraman might work, given his history in the industry, but they don't want him. They say I'm not qualified. Roadkill remover? No driving license. Okay, hold on. I'll be right back. I'll get my driving license. I don't have enough money, even though it says the cost is zero. Maybe I could ask his girlfriend to marry him. Maybe that would work. Or maybe we should just have some kids. I don't know. I have no ring, and I'm going to propose at a cosplay convention. She rejected it. Why? Give me one good reason. A hacker took my YouTube account and I lost my 16 subscribers. I apologize to my subscribers. I don't think I have any remaining. Do I? I don't think I even had 16 to lose. Oh wait, how do I have 143? God, that video must have taken off. I posted a video and I got 11 views and lost six subscribers. Okay, everything addict is looking really sad now. I got a raise. Okay, good. A few more years, and I'll be out of the hole. No, I won't be. I only get like 6K a year after expenses. What am I spending? Oh, the drugs. I forgot. I'm now addicted to alcohol. I started drinking scotch. That's all it took. I died. Are you serious? I died from an overdose. Oh my God. I was still so negative. Undue debt with the time machine. Can I do that? Oh my God, it's so expensive. Oh, sorry. I was thinking in his mind frame where I'm in debt all my life by hundreds of thousands. Well, he's dead. Everything addict. Wait, what's this? Oh, you can see his tombstone. Everything addict, age 52 years. He was an exorcist. He spent 10 years in prison. His happiness was very low. His funeral was attended by his longtime girlfriend and his mother. Can't believe she outlived me. You can look at all your dead people. That is amazing. E-influencer, the seed, die young. Premature debt, minimum life. Destiny is to die. Karen demands, baby demands, monopoly man. Everything addict. We got a lot of mediocres here. You can really see that they lived up to their name like net worth monopoly man's way out in front. Lovers, the seed is at the top with 28. Good lord. All right, well, I think that's enough for that little stroll in the cemetery. I hope you enjoyed the video, folks. If you did, be sure to subscribe. I post every single day. I know. I don't really have a life either. That's why I play so much bit life. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed. I appreciate you as always, and I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.