 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic Why does he keep coming back, but he won't commit? He won't commit Wait, let me put that this way commit all right really quickly if you're new to my channel and This content resonates with you check out the links below to schedule a free discovery call to see if working with the coaches Right for you. So why does he keep coming back, but he won't commit? All right, you know what ladies let's get real for a second. Okay, one of the things I really appreciate recently I had a Discovery call with someone she goes. I really appreciate it that you're brutally honest So let's get honest here about commitment the old paradigm of commitment doesn't exist anymore In other words that old paradigm especially when you're in your 20s and 30s is you know for a guy to meet a girl Get married buy a house Start a family. Okay, that's what commitment used to be and here's the thing at midlife This is so challenging because humans want Companionship they want connection and they want sex and yet They're only willing to put the bare minimum to get those needs met and this is one of the challenges We're faced with today Especially for women who on a biological level once you bond with a man, you're kind of already committed to them Let me pause for a second. So ladies if you're not familiar with this And I know many of you are is the minute you have sex with a man a Chemical gets released in your body called oxytocin and oxytocin is a bonding chemical. It literally Bonds you bonds you To a guy so you feel committed to him and yet the inverse doesn't work for men We don't bond through sex. We might experience pleasure joy and the belief that we're in love through sex But for you, it's actually a bonding thing. It literally bonds you two together so Recognize that commitment needs to be discussed way early on and what I mean to say is what does commitment look like for you? Because men will keep chasing sex and nowadays What's that old adage? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? That's what's happening in the world today That's what's happening in relationships today. This is why I'm such a big proponent for reading the books I talk about and you know, I talk where's that? Oh, I didn't pull it out the book eight dates by dr. John Gottman and Julie Gottman is Understanding the mechanics of healthy happy relationship, but we are going to introduce a new book for you today Oh, by the way, you might notice my hair is going out. I'm actually growing my hair out So I'm going to see if I can get a little bit longer so it goes beyond the ears If you've noticed it, please post a comment. Let me know Okay, I mentioned I'm going to introduce a book So there's a new book I want to introduce you all and this is called the real reasons men commit The real reasons men commit I highly recommend checking out this book because when you understand the Mechanics of commitment itself You're gonna have a better experience and when you understand how men commit you're gonna have a better experience because ladies I don't know how many of you work. I've worked with you know They call me you you call me up for a coaching session You're in a relationship with a guy and you want more commitment and they go great. What does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from my guy. I'm like great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him I'm like great. What does that look like for you? And why I'm saying this and I'm being overly dramatic is ladies If you don't know what commitment looks like for you and if you can't express what commitment looks like to me How can a guy ever know what it means to you? But Jonathan, I just need more of it I mean ladies and I'm sorry. Look it. I don't mean any disrespect I'm being overly dramatic because many of you again are attached to a guy But may not be the right person for you So when you understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship for yourself, you can understand What commitment really looks like because guys again, we'll keep you know getting the milk for free Without committing to it. It's one of our fundamental problems with relationships today Let me repeat that our fundamental problem in the early stage of the dating is the lack of commitment to the process the lack of commitment to the process of Building a healthy happy relationship with another human being it used to be if guys wanted to get laid They had to get married. They made the ultimate commitment Well now we don't need to do that anymore And this is why I want you to make a commitment to yourself first a commitment to yourself first Check out my book what the heck is self-love anyway the links below for all my recommended books But when you love on yourself, you'll actually begin to understand what commitment looks like for you And if you need additional support on that then schedule a call with me because that's my job is to help create clarity And when you create clarity on what commitment looks like for you You can be more confident and when you're more confident you make better choices And you're able to communicate in a healthy happy way your needs wants and desires Ladies i'm constantly introducing you to books in a different way of thinking I'm not here to say that my coaching program is the end all be all of this I want you to start investigating this for yourself And the most important thing you should ask yourself is what does commitment look like for you? And what I mean by look like why don't you get a calendar and describe each day what it looks like So you can at least have an understanding of what you seek in relationship But sadly most of you guys are chasing the because you're hooked you're hooked Okay, you're hooked on a guy That may not be right for you Maybe if you should definitely read the book attached Book attached when you understand love attachment style and all of my books are listed in jonathan recommends books When you understand attachment style, you understand why men will come close and pull away come close and pull away And please don't do the leaning back leaning back Because that's not helping you it's about leaning in lean into your own sovereignty lean into yourself Worth lean into understanding how men operate lean in stop leaning back And this isn't about masculine and feminine Ugg that's what I feel about masculine feminine This is about you're just being a human being with another human being and it starts by gaining clarity for yourself Because men are terrible leaders of the relationship We've seen this time and time again. Why are you watching this video because of that? Okay, I could go on a diatribe I think you get the point of where I'm what I'm make the point I'm making today Have you gotten it? Please post a comment ask a question. I read all the comments I read all the questions. Let's get a dialogue going on this one Do you know what commitment looks like for you if you do post it below? I want to read it All right. I hope you found value in this video again There's a lot of links there that you may want to check out In the description box And again, if you want to schedule a call with me check out the link below Okay, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now