 Girl tell me how you feel tell me how you really feel I think I might I might call the podcast that because at first It was gonna be we need to talk because everything I've done is pretty much been we need to talk But yeah, maybe some retire that we need to talk retired. I think it's pretty good though Yeah, yeah, so you can see me. Yeah, so I can see you. Yeah, there it goes Yeah, I think I like we need to talk we need to talk Yeah, because I think Your things are very conversational Conversation starters, okay, and when it's like we need to talk it's like ooh Maybe the church is called we need to talk but the sermon is black girl tell me how you feel We got some I like that. All right, Raina. So all right, let's do this. Let's talk about it. So obviously as we know there has been a conversation starter By the name of Kevin Samuels and a poor starter So Let's start with like you tell me about how you learned about Kevin Samuels and your immediate thoughts And then I asked you some questions. Yeah, I think from what I remember I think my boyfriend actually introduced me to him But he doesn't even remember but for some odd reason I remember I just remember like little clips But I didn't remember having the Initial like oh in my gut until like I think the average at best video came and I was like yo Who is this dude? I was like what the hell I said before because I'm a person of like I have like very big opinions But I always like to do a little bit of research and then I'm like, okay Well, some of the stuff I get what he's saying, but I think I Think he initially I was just like I just I don't know something about I just really don't like it I don't I think the way that he is when it comes to women, especially black women and He's just and most women are say it's just not what he says is how he says it. I'm not even gonna talk about that I think it's the fact that When he talks to women, there's almost this this distaste that he has for them that I feel that he has and then you know the fact that like when he asked questions of like their sizes and She's like oh, I'm like a 12 or 16. I like oh, well you're obese. I'm like You know the average size of a woman is a size 12 or 14. I'm a size 15 a lot of people don't even think that I'm Yeah, but a lot of but when I tell okay size 15 so basically like how large a waist is or stomach or The hips like basically all of that so It's based on I would I would say both really what fits around your waist and your hips Some women have more hips than others So sometimes they may have to go up a size to fit their butts or to fit their wide hips Even though their waist may be a lot smaller So if a woman is a size 15 or 16, it may not mean that she weighs a whole lot It's just how her body is proportioned and then I think he fails to kind of look at as as African people were made bigger We're not made most of us are not made super skinny size you it's it's not that often that you meet one of us That's like mad skinny. So I think it's that and then I Don't know I understand what he's saying about the whole like these girls wanting high-valued men But I'm like where are these girls coming from? Where are they? Like have have you been meeting them? Okay And then also Another thing too is what really gives you the right to be this opinionated in terms of relationships Where is your history of successful of a successful relationship within your life? Maybe he does have a relationship and we just don't know about it Which is fine, but it kind of reminds me of Derek Jackson He's talking all this shit about like what women should be going for not go for which is a lot of times He could be right, but we didn't know about his wife until we found out that he was cheating on his wife So it's like I don't like the relationship gurus Who don't have anything to back it up because I feel like if you feel like so Entitled to give those kind of opinions you need to have a wife a healthy relationship and a healthy family dynamic Steve Harvey he's a hit-and-miss because there's times there's times too where I'm just like Okay, but you you had you're on your third marriage, but at the same time He's on his third marriage and he's been with the woman for over a decade So maybe there's almost a pattern of learning his mistake because now he's in a relationship where it It looks to be solid. We don't know if it is but it looks to be solid even though There are rumors that he cheated on his ex-wife with the new wife Yeah, okay So let me ask you this why why do you think because you said your boyfriend introduced you to Kevin? Why do you think so many men particularly black men resonate with the content? Okay, I think it's because honestly men haven't really had a space to Come out with what they feel and in regards to their dating experiences or their relationship Experiences because on our end as women, you know, we always have this perception of like all men cheat Which is a lot of men do cheat But then also a lot of women cheat too, but there's not many men that come out on social media Or we'll put their voice. Yeah, oh voice there, you know go on live and talk about a girl that did them wrong That's not a thing then it's almost like they're not really allowed to do that It's not until you get to know the black man Then you know what his dating history is and you know what he's been through But I think that's probably the reason why they gravitate towards that And then I think there's almost this this ego and confident boost that a lot of black men get From these, you know the red pill communities and those kind of things too Because I understand also in the world that you guys live in you guys in The societal aspect you guys are not deemed like the best candidates for Anything so they can go somewhere where they feel like their opinions mattered and they're seen Yeah Okay But then I think also a lot of black men have complexes with black women too hundred percent. Yeah, that was a percent I I think I think the part that we miss sometimes because that's the first question. I like to ask like why do you think? most Men resonate with the content most women dislike the content what what has made more sense to me is So statistically, you know, I work in marketing 80% of retail decision-making is made by women right and Because that's the case and because we know capitalism makes the world go around right the machine Has focused itself on the woman How does a woman think how does a woman feel what reality does the woman want to Create for herself. So with that being said like You get Derek Jackson's because he understood that Women are the ones who spend the money women are the ones who shape culture So let me tell women exactly what they want to hear and unfortunately, they're not enough people or spaces with enough Courage to tell the truth, right The reason Kevin Samuels is famous is because he decided to push back Right the first like two or three years of his channel. He was just talking to men So imagine what he's saying now to women just to men like there's a video. He went viral He was asking a dude if he had a big dick. Oh, I remember that was like 57 he worked at McDonald's or some and he was like 200 something. He's like you're fat. I'm like, oh my god So the whole point is like In general Our society now the Western world or whatever. I know you're you're from Haiti. Yeah, I'm from Nigeria Yeah, is entitled. Yeah, we we all feel worthy. We all feel Chosen we all feel special the exception and exactly which is sometimes I have to because some because I'll always say like Well, I'm not that way So why are they coming at women like that because there's so many like the women that I'm surrounded by they think like me But of course like you surround yourself with like-minded people So sometimes you forget that there's an outside outside of there's more than just your bubble And I had to remember like sometimes you can't be like but I'm not that way when you might be the exception to the rules Exactly and and that's the unfortunate thing like the rules still stand. Yeah, and I I Don't feel sympathy for the women who call you show those It irritates me. I'm gonna tell you why it like yes. Yes. Tell me. Tell me the reason I don't feel sympathy from the average the best video to all the videos today is because If you call Kevin Samuel's show, you're looking for a specific archetype You're looking for a specific guy. This guy makes six figures. He's six foot. He got a jaw line He's handsome. He's charismatic the whole nine. Cool The reality of it is the way the world works women are hypergamous men are polygamous Hypergamy just means you go after the best possible option. Yeah, if you find that nigga Everybody else wants him. Yeah, so going back to the entitlement. What makes you feel deserving of that man Now the thing about it is nobody calls that show asking hey Kevin, how do I get a man of integrity? How do I get a man of character? How do I get an honest man? How do I get a God-fearing man? Whatever you want? Yeah How do I get a six-figure man because even the average of best girl? She said that I'm finding that I can't respect Men who make less than me So if you were going to hold men to a superficial standard like how much how many zeros are in his bank account Guess what we're gonna do. Yeah, and see and that's the part with him where I understand what he's saying because as Men you guys are very visual creatures You guys are not and like you guys will look at a woman first and Then determine if you want to pursue that or not for us. Yeah, it can be superficial But when we start to speak to you, it's like, okay, what do you do for a living? You know to kind of gaze what kind of quality of life we can possibly have But I think where the average at best video the part that I didn't like was when he talked about her having a child and He's told other single moms where it's like well Why why do you feel like deserving of having any kind of man or this type of man if you have a kid and I'm like What's the difference between a man coming in with kids and a woman now remember? Before we started recording I said for men it can be a lot easier because you guys don't have the child a lot As much as the woman which is a lot of times is very unfair But a lot of times the system can come in and make that happen But there's so many women that I have met known grew up with we're in my family who met great men With them having kids. So it's a kind of tell a woman that oh Like you're less desirable because you are a mother. I think that's completely wrong Okay, so again, we have to put it in the context of What do these men want Because Kevin Sam is he's talking about a very specific and specialized group of men, right? So unfortunately What they want isn't reflective of all men, but it's what they want. So you have to think about the guy who Pored himself into his work. Yeah achieve greatness, right? Is meticulous in everything he does everything he creates With that being said that type of man that alpha. Yeah, is gonna go for the best of the best as a society We have decided having children lowers your your quality as as biologically we've decided or Genes decided that having children takes a toll on your body. Yeah, so with that six-figure eight-figure sweetie guy that They want the best of the best Unfortunately, it's some bad-ass milfs. They are but unfortunately It decreases your value. Why should it decrease the value? I'll tell you why yeah, why Because here's the thing right So number one Biologically, you know, we value each other by our ability to procreate right like some of the things that Men like and women women like and men all go back to that primitive Is this gonna be a good gene partner to create a person who's gonna survive and thrive in the world, right? Yeah, I want a man who's tall because I want tall children Yes, I want a man with a good immune system because I want kids with good immune systems all about survival So with that being said When a man has procreated In a ways of consciously it proves to the rest of the kingdom that he is capable. He is he is vero Yeah, right you would think it would be the other way around That's what I was with humanity. What kind of here's the thing The reason is because number one The physics of sex, okay Somebody's being entered somebody's entering. Yeah Then you look at nine months gestation For nine months your body is being ripped to shreds to bring another life into the world Mm-hmm, and then after that your body might not go back to what it was So even the decision to be like, okay, I'm gonna have this man's child Mm-hmm Some people will call it. It's the greatest gift you can give a man It's the greatest honor You can give a man is decide. I'm gonna wreck my body It repairably wrecked my body to clone you because that's what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah So with that being said you do that To other men other gorillas other chimpanzees Yeah, you're a less desirable mate now because I still have the choice of these other un Un Unpollinated flowers. Okay, so unfortunately, that's what it is. It it it decreases a woman's value because I mean We're not that far removed from like you had to be a virgin to get married That was not that long ago. It wasn't, you know, so like Men haven't evolved that much. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's I feel like men are starting to evolve Yeah, oh it's getting there, but I guess cuz I'm getting sexier too. So that's the thing Yeah Because there's moms that Looks so much better than I do and I have no kids and they don't have an inch of roles or anything You should have seen him before Well, I mean they look good now. I can only imagine what they look like before most of the time They look better before. Yeah, but I think the other thing too is like the Most guys Have this this this complex where it's like I want to conquer something. Nobody else is conquered Okay, right and what we see because I've dated single mom before whether you like it or not another man is is Permanently ingrained in her There is no divorcing it Unfortunately Not not necessarily like she's gonna go back to him. Yeah, she's on you with him Yeah, like he is a permanent fixture in her life because but see it's that it's the opposite way Once a woman how not necessarily how because she's okay She didn't enter me or leave anything in me. I left something in her. Yes, but you still have have a child So that that other human being will always be in your life because you guys carry The biggest bond that you can have with someone sure, but I think what I'm what I'm getting at is like She suffered for me There's that much ego and Listen, I'm not serious. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that's what it is I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that's what it is That there's the ego of literally that be pollinated that flower And there's always gonna be some remnants of that beat inside that flower Well, then maybe that's the reason why With with a lot of women, there's a lot of women that don't want to date men with kids I wonder if it's the same kind of mindset. It's not true. I want to be the first Yeah, because there's so many women dating men with kids, I'm one of them, you know it took me a lot of Mindset changing and shifting to be able to do it, but I'm you know, I'm still doing it You know and making that decision before I even ever met him But it's like kind of like like when I looked look at him, you know with him having children I mean his his sex appeal never went away and when I look at the mother of his children They're very gorgeous women. So it's like she and and the first mother of his the the his first Baby mother she married, you know, and she's still married at this point and The second one she's dating with no problem. Very beautiful woman. So that's why I don't know I don't know what that one I mean, but but the bottom line is like Dudes generally Might not have a problem with a woman who has kids A top one person let's go back to the numbers because I think this is important. So I went to I did a little bit of research to find out if those numbers were true about yeah What percentage of men make six figures in this and that yeah 10% 10% of men make six figures total Yeah, now we're not controlling for age Because we know earning potential goes up as you get older. So like let's take out the 45 year olds the 50 year olds Yeah, my fuckers who they established themselves. Yeah, and let's say you're 30 You just want to narrow it down to the 30 year old men Then control for race because most most women most black women want a black man Yeah, then control for sexuality a man who likes women then control for a man who you feel like is charismatic handsome Whatever the fuck you get a very small minority of men Who have the pick of the litter? There was a girl who made a video on Instagram. I thought it was funny. She was like What makes you think you deserve your own good nigga? What makes you think you deserve you deserve your own good nigga Ain't that many good niggas out here. So what makes you think you deserve your what do you have special? That you don't want to share and that's another problem within itself, too The fighter we don't have that many good niggas Mm-hmm, but but the result of that is men of that caliber can be a little bit more Selective I'm so like they can they can control for whatever the fuck they control. Okay. I don't want a girl with kids I don't want a girl over a certain way and the reality is if You are going to because I think the bigger conversation here is we allow women to be superficial about men Mm-hmm, but men aren't allowed to be superficial with women But you guys are though in what way do you feel like you guys are not allowed? Okay? So I'll give you I'll give you several examples so You can discriminate against a nigga because he's not tall enough You could discriminate for dick size You could describe some women discriminate because of weight some women discriminate because of swag He doesn't have enough bass in his voice. I've heard women say these things. He's not dark enough He's not light enough. He's not he doesn't have swag. Whatever the fuck that means. He's not thug enough Whatever the fuck that means But you tell them well, she's too big or she's dark or she's light or whatever But but the same vitriol like that we're met with yeah y'all aren't met with when you do that And and part of that entitlement so for instance, I was having a conversation with another friend of mine if me and a woman are having sex if I don't get hard Mm-hmm. It's my fault If she doesn't get wet It's my fault Really because I feel like women internalize when a man doesn't get hard But generally it's still our fault. I didn't I didn't foreplay enough. I didn't arouse her enough whatever fuck Yeah, well, we both get drunk. Uh-huh if we both get drunk and have sex. Mm-hmm. She can she can claim our rape there Okay, yeah, there is a and I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying but there is a shifting tide of Men or the perpetual just it's all it's our fault especially black men Mm-hmm. I mean the rest of the world is telling us we ain't shit and we have to hear from our own women Yeah, but here's here, but the thing is to we also have to talk about ownership of fault because I feel like a lot of Because it's interesting because as black women we feel the opposite We feel like you guys get more of a leeway than we do because like for instance a man can be a baby daddy of like seven different women IE Nick Cannon He's Creating all these broken homes and people are just like okay I mean there's a lot of people debating about it and having you know an opinion on it, but it's like He's not really being held to Oh, you're disgusting or like you're a whore like you're not thinking of like the bigger picture But let a woman who makes just as much as she does and she goes around having seven different Baby daddies. She's called a whore a slut and all these things. Yeah, yeah She is because it's not natural Really, it's not natural. No I Think I think you know my core principle is that men are naturally Polygamist women are naturally hypergamist, so left to our devices in the animal kingdom cavemen whatever fuck Yeah The women always gravitated towards wanting the top guy whether it was the biggest in the jungle whether it was the king the Tsar whatever the fuck yeah men naturally if you look at monkeys They want the the the large majority of women So it's not it's not as much about quality with us is about quantity Yeah, and part of the reality of that is like if We we are dating We both cheat on each other. I Could have 36 women or more pregnant simultaneously. You can only be pregnant by one man So even at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how promiscuous you want to be only one man can knock you up One man at a time exactly every nine months only one man at a time right so like the mandate that that sets is like You have every incentive to go find the best one man To carry his seat for nine months, and even with that being said like a low sperm count is 15 million 15 million is a low sperm count average sperm count supposed to be between 200 and 300 million They said it's going down, but the average woman is born with about 200,000 eggs. Yeah, not even a million Yeah, and we lose them every month exactly so again Biology is telling you I'm gonna give you a small number of this thing Go find the best guy Mm-hmm to fertilize these eggs Biology is telling us like hey, you can throw your shit in the toilet. You can throw your shit like it's an abundant So like it's not the same. So okay, so if that's the case then why is it that we get Talk shit about when we are How programming how program is because if that's the case if if we have a very small window of Fertility because it is I think it's between the ages of I think 12 and Until like 35 so really let's say 18. Let's use the legal age 18 or 35 after 35 That's when you start gestation Pregnancy high risk pregnancy. I came from a high risk pregnancy. My mother actually died on the table having me She came back to life. Thank God And she was 40 years old when she had me she had preeclampsia. Yeah, and that's what kind of knocked her out To Previa and all that good stuff. Yeah, I'm yeah, so we're going so we have that that window. So why is it that? Because we're trying to find I guess the the fittest like the where we can have the most The child that can survive the most and have the best life So if that's the case then why are we getting judged for it? Because it does it doesn't matter if you're being judged That's what if like I said left to women's devices left to men's devices that will still happen So like when you see people talking about gold diggers and shit like that Sure, some women consider gold actual gold some women consider it like goals and like a man with ambition whatever the case, but The bottom line is women are biologically incentivized and socially incentivized since the beginning of time to find the best Possible man that she can attract and retain But I feel like in this day and age right now with this generation We are getting extremely judged for having this mindset and natural thing of getting the man That's that's the best because with Kevin Samuels saying like, you know, where do you feel entitled to want to get that? This is judgment. Well, but but see I think it's it's important to frame that judgment That judgment is coming from a place of why do you feel entitled to this man? Because the idea is I can look like Lizzo. I can talk like Cardi B I can I can I can act like whoever the fuck and I'm still entitled to Barack Obama And that's not the case because at the end of the day, I believe Whenever you want something in life, you have to start with yourself You have to start with I am I attractive to this person now Unfortunately Kevin is blunt about like what that person is looking for but he's not wrong The vast majority of those guys want you to be a size white girl And they want you they want you to be fit feminine and friendly because typically that's what guys like Yeah, and a man with power doesn't doesn't want a powerful woman. We don't We're not attracted to that doesn't earn you brownie point. Yeah, so I think also maybe I'm thinking maybe the reason why a lot of women Are trying to strive for the higher Potential men is also because a lot of average And I'm looking at more of like black men black women not more of like, you know, everybody. Yeah Yeah, it's about us a lot of average black men in the US The quality of them just aren't that great For a lot of us black women because there's there's a lot of them that don't take ownership in what they do a lot of times They're really immature. They're not ready for marriage. They don't care about marriage. They don't value marriage a lot of times We don't even feel valued we get into these relationship with a lot of these, you know average black men and We don't feel like we're valued as as as the women in their lives So I think what happens is We become so conditioned to being like, okay Well, if this average guy is doing me like that then let me try to find something that has more resources and then maybe it could be a little bit better and That's why I feel like there needs to be a better instead of people pointing the fingers and shouting at each other and point and just faulting one another There needs to be a bigger conversation on what needs to be done from black women and black men for our Relationships to be better because we have a fucked up dynamic with one another And I think that's why I have an issue with Kevin Samuels because he continues that war because how I see Black men talk about black women and how I see black men black women talk about black men I'm like he's adding fuel to the fire. Where is he trying to find Because it's okay to say you're shitty in that way. You're shitty in that way But where's the solutions that you're giving in order for us to come together because there's not many of us getting married When in our in our culture and in our community, I Think You know, I I think you could make the forest fire argument where like you have to fight fire with fire sometimes Like it was a call controlled burning. Yeah I See what you're saying. I Do have a thing there's a utility to the fire starting the reason I say that is because Part of the reason why it feels like we're talking past each other and not talking to each other is Because and I think I said this in the last video, but black men aren't good communicators Black women aren't good listeners Unfortunately Unfortunately, the reality of it is like when you when you're talking to somebody that you feel like you're smarter than or you feel like you're more More capable communicator nine times out of ten, you're gonna run over them and and my experience talking to some kids I Like to think of myself as better than average Communicator especially as a black man. Yeah, but my experience with talking to other black men is like yo, I just let her have it There's no point expressing myself because she's not trying to hear what I'm saying a Lot of and this is just female conditioning, but a lot of it is Men are forced to deal with the world as it is Women are allowed to pretend the world could be something else It's a strength because you have foresight to be able to imagine a new world But unfortunately what ends up happening and you see this in a lot of couple debates Like he's talking about like yo, this is what it is. These are the numbers whatever and then she's saying I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel and When you're talking to somebody the average woman says more words a day than the average man The average woman started talking earlier than the average man Yeah, the average woman is encouraged to express herself men aren't good at it. So we shut down Not saying it's a good thing. I'm just talking about what it is So in order for us to Imagine a what it could be we have to We have to empathize because you know as somebody who started conversations and public conversations one of the things I saw niggas didn't show up Like when I when I did my organization in college. It was Yeah, I'm pretty sure And it's and I feel like you're always more surrounded by women because you're such a good communicator and then men just aren't So And well you being a black man, how do you think that men can? Start communicating better Well, I I think there are two conversations happening simultaneously because I'm having one conversation with men And I'm having a different conversation with women the conversation. I'm having with men is to Introspect and and take time to Understand who you are and why you are why you think the thoughts you think why you say the things you say Why you do the things you do because I think a lot of masculinity is just a goal. Yeah, but it's not necessarily reflection it's not necessarily insight and and depth in reasoning Or depth and consider as essential intelligence. Yeah, so I encourage men to be more More of that and that's that's part of that is understanding the world around you Understanding women understanding yourself understanding politics understanding economics understanding psychology On the flip side, I think women could better empathize with men. I don't think women Understand the the deficit as far as communication that we have just like I said y'all say more words y'all talk Earlier y'all are encouraged to talk more. Yeah so men just don't have that skill and Not saying you should coddle a nigga, but Understand what he's saying not how it makes you feel Because I think that's what happens a lot of times with me That's why sometimes I don't communicate because I'm like, I know you're not gonna hear what I'm saying You're just gonna hear how it makes you feel and I might not know how to sugarcoat. It might not be sugar It might not be sweet. Yeah, so how am I incentivized to continue to be honest to continue to be transparent If I have to tiptoe around the delicacies intricacies of your emotions And I can get that because even me being a very I'm a very blunt straight shooter kind of person and I've been with people who were a little bit more sensitive Because I'm a very sensitive person, of course, I'm very emotional very sensitive, but When it comes to saying what needs to be said, I'm just I'm going straight into it And it and it can't be hard to to try to communicate with someone who takes this little thing and blows it up when it's just like I'm just trying to have a straight up honest conversation and just kind of Have that but I mean I can understand because I know sometimes even with myself within the realm of my relationship Sometimes I can have those off days where he could say something and I'm just like, you know, why do you know how that makes me feel, you know When he's just like, I'm just trying to tell you what it is but but you know, what's interesting it seems like The same issue we're having with you guys is the same issue you guys are having with us because we don't feel heard We don't feel prioritized we feel like It may seem like we're caught up to society But when it comes to the one-on-one conversation one-on-one Relationship that we have with men as women. We don't feel like we're heard a lot of us We feel like we're kind of just there or we're either tossed to the wayside or I Think what's tough because you know that the element we haven't touched on and I don't know if you have enough time to is white supremacy the history of white supremacy the fallout of white supremacy and The systematic dismantling of the black family as the black like Foundation as the black power structure not to get too much into it, but Yeah, yeah, it has a ton to do with it, but one of the things That's important to understand One of the things that's important to understand Do you know who Miles Monroe is? Yeah, he was I think he was a Bahamian preacher. He was a preacher. Oh, he died in a plane crash a couple years ago But anyway Brilliant man One one of the things that he talked about in one of his sermons. He said that you know Do not used to listen to lots of his stuff in college. Yes. Okay. Okay. One of the things he talked about he said, you know part of the The miscommunication between men and women is that Men and women process love differently. Yes women process love as romance as caretaking as As attentiveness. Yeah, men process love is one thing Respect respect Now let's put it in the the framework or of white supremacy and what it's done to our family Black men have been systematically killed Incarcerated and locked out While black women have been allowed to flourish In a masculine way. So number one I'm not allowed in the boardroom for many many Very Specific granular like systematic things were done school to prison pipeline mass incarcerated to make sure I don't get into the boardroom Right, and then we talk about inclusion black women are Encouraged into the boardroom. So I'm emasculated by the fact that I can't even get there I'm emasculated by the fact that you are a better provider than me and Provision and protection of the top two priorities of masculinity So your mere existence in the white supremacist power structure is emasculating to the black man on top of that Because you are a better man than me. How can you respect me? So I don't feel loved by you and I see a lot of times like, you know You'll hear women say, you know, whenever a black man dies the people at the front lines of the black women That's true. Yeah, but again when you understand we don't digest love as fighting for us We don't digest love as Loving on us and you go king. We digest love is respect Mmm, so all of that rah-rah-rah you guys don't care about and see and that hurts us the most because we show up and show out Whether it's through the rally the protests Whether it's through sticking by you when you don't have anything being beside you when you're trying to build For us we feel like I'm giving you my see for us time is the way we give our love so much our devotion is where We try to show up for you guys to show you guys love and then when we feel like it's just Unfortunate that's unfortunate. You can't make You you can assist in a in a man's masculinity, but you can't make a man a man You can't a woman cannot make a man a man and an unfortunate like I hear a lot of times women complain like Oh, I was there for my cooked. I cleaned everything and he just wouldn't commit Until that man feels like a man for himself. He can't be a man for you Yep He can't be a man for you So whatever you do if you're not willing to just sacrifice that and take that L hoping he remembers You just got there. Yeah, because there's a lot of stories that like as women We pass around to each other is that you know, oh be careful about getting with a guy who is Down below because when he gets on top he's gonna forget about you Yeah Do you know why the thing is it's and I've seen these things happen I do wonder why men get that way the reason is because because he wasn't there yet. Mm-hmm. He didn't choose you You're the best he can do at the time So I Guess when it comes to marriage men marry the women who comes at the right time not the one they're madly in love Absolutely, absolutely. I'm a true believer in that. Absolutely. Men don't marry for love. No But that's the reason I think men love more authentically than women Mm-hmm, and you you post that a lot and I think I can see how because a lot of women were like how We are here for X Y and C and things of that nature and I think for you guys It's like you don't even have to do all of that a woman can fall madly in love 15 times in her lifetime Some niggas haven't got over there their high school crush Mm-hmm men love more authentically because men understand on a subconscious level that love is a duty Niggas ain't excited about love Niggas are not excited about love they're not women love love women are in love with the pageantry of love It's the passion we live for passion and intensity and all the things that are in Dorfinn's kicker I mean you guys and that's why it's inauthentic because you can manufacture that Because you can't act a certain way Because like with with my first serious relationship. He acted a certain way for two years Great and then out of nowhere boom who he was came on. I was like, I don't like this Never got with this It's it's it's again. It's not y'all's fault. It's part of I think it's part of our programming our socialization meant somebody say Men fall in love with what they see women fall in love with what they hear. That's why men lie and women wear makeup Because like I have to I have to that world that you've created that fairytale for yourself I have to be your prince charming. Yeah to come in to get what I want to come into your castle Yeah, but see and and for that to happen How is that authentic because now you were just trying to reel me in which I think every man does to us whether even the good man like Even with my boyfriend, he did things to really reel me in like When it's love Okay, you feel like that's when it's like you guys are more authentic because you guys's love don't waver Yeah, based on emotion. It's it's our love is based on duty Women's love is based on emotion. Yeah, and you're the emotional part of your brain is not your smart part The emotional point you start making emotional decisions. We do it actually makes you dumber. So the differences men understand love is a duty men didn't drink the Kool-Aid of Hollywood and fucking The notebook and all that we're not talking y'all did so if the if the elements are right You could really make any woman fall in love with you Yeah, you could really make any woman fall of you under the right conditions now a man first He has to be attracted to you then it has to be like he has to be in the mindset to be in love That's that's it for so he has to decide like I I'm I've built this house I need somebody to come in and decorate So you see why I say that for us as women Dating the average man is so hard because there's like a thousand and one things you guys have to so I Don't say manipulate but like build and put in pieces in order to Want to be with someone and be committed whether it's marriage or a long-term relationship. That's why that's why I encourage women to be more Honest with themselves a lot of these guys that you're forcing to be Prince Charmin didn't want to be Prince Charmin in the first place So I'll give you a good example. I think I gave I gave it during the other video, but There was a there was a girl I met In this organization function and I was a part of and she said she moved to Charlotte when I lived in Charlotte It's not specifically to find a black man and she was saying like I would even date a mechanic Yeah, I was like, oh really okay. She was like, yeah, I got connections You know I'm saying I'm gonna help him invest and things like that You know after you know a couple years, maybe he'll be running a ton of mechanic workshops I said you don't want a mechanic you want a mechanic with entrepreneurial aspirations Those are two different men. Yeah, they are and unfortunately what happens is a woman and it's it's a blessing in a curse a Woman has the ability to make something out of nothing a woman has the ability to put any man's face on the Prince Charmin body that she wants So therefore it doesn't matter what he's saying Matters how he makes you feel so this man could say I don't want relationship I'm not ready for monogamy right now, which were awful at not listening to that which I won't listen We're awful at that and then we wonder like why Issues Selfish because it's not about him. It's about you. Oh, why do you guys follow them? Why do you go years? But but that's awful. Why keep why keep that train going if you seriously do not want that It's convenient, but then get somebody else to be convenient with who understands that you just don't want anything serious You just won't again. I'm not saying this is right. I'm just telling you what it is. I know but that reality is The girls that the quality women do want Relationship do want monogamy do the whores and shit. They're cool with it is what it is. We don't want them You guys don't want the horse. Exactly. It's a castling issue It's a it's a it's a so like the reality of it is like The vast majority of men under I'm 28 So I guess I fall in this as well That's the joy of men under 30 who haven't established themselves. They're not ready for monogamy Yeah, they're not I can see that and it doesn't mean they're a bad person. It doesn't mean they don't like you They don't love you even but they know they're not ready a man will give up on I mean will allow the love of his life to go Find somebody who's ready to give her what she wants as opposed to holding on to her After you know, he destroys her heart a couple times and steps on it. Maybe she's destroying her own heart But then so as as a culture and as a society should we bump up the marriage age because maybe Because every because there's a lot of Therapists couple therapists that say that it's it's better for people to marry Above 25 and actually push it to 30 which I agree because that's when your brain is done developing You're actually making rational decisions. I totally understand But it seems like you know from the ages of let's say about 22 until we're 30 is when we're still like we're actively looking for a husband And but we don't want someone that old so Should we as a society say The normal age that you should go towards marriage is 30 and just leave it at that and then leave your 20s to just Do whatever the hell you want to do and then find each other later Yes and no, so there's this book called It was written by a divorce attorney. I can't remember his name off the top of my head But it was an interesting interesting dude. I think he did like a TED talk. He did some shows on youtube But he wrote a book called if you're in my office, it's too late if you're in my office is already too late and um During one of the interviews that I watched of his he talked about marriage as a technology He said the reality is marriage is a technology a technology is something that solves problems So before you get married Figure out what problem are you trying to solve for yourself? Is it loneliness? Do you want children? Is it companionship? Do you want a business partner? What exactly is it is the problem that you want to solve and be honest about it and be upfront about it Now when you consider it as a technology as opposed to just i'm supposed to do this after i'm 22 whatever the fuck Then you can be more strategic about What type of person do I need to marry? What type of person do I need to be? In order to marry and sustain a household in the whole night And the problem is the reason the divorce rate is as high as it is because nobody's honest about why they're Answering people are marrying because they are supposed to yeah, I agree. I think um I think especially like with like for instance without culture with you being nigerian me being Haitian um My family are it they're of my ass to hurry up and get married and have kids like all the time I don't know. Do you get that from your family as a dude? Not really, but even if I did I don't listen. Yeah I'm the oldest too. So like they don't really tell me shit Really, I wonder if it would have been that way. It's probably so yeah, because we're held so totally different standards girls Yeah, for sure but I see how and luckily I have a really strong mindset Because I really feel like if I would have constantly like if I if I would listen to my family that much I feel like I probably would have heard up and just found somebody get married and had kids because I because I would have been conditioned and have this thing in my brain To say you have to do it this way you have to do that now for me one thing we're out because I'm not I'm not traditional, but yet I am traditional The only place in my life where I'm traditional is where I want to be married before I have children That's the only thing other than that everything else. It's it's up for discussion and I would say I think The pressure that women have to be a wife I feel like that might be the issue too because if if like if like you're saying We're constantly dragging you guys, right? We're constantly pulling you guys even though you're like you're telling us I don't want this. I don't want to do this not ready for this and we're still like, nope You got to do it. We're still trying to rope you in And it's only because of what we're conditioned as a society because if by 30 we're not married We're not anything and just like for me like i'm 27 My sister tells me like well, you know, we have reproductive issues in our family So you don't want to wait that long To have kids true But then again, I'm not stable enough to have a child me and my partner were not in a place where Adding another child to the family is just it's not it's not feasible So I had to make the cautious decision like I don't give a damn what anybody say i'm doing it my goddamn way but I don't think a lot of women are that headstrong and I think There's probably a conversation that we need to have as females amongst each other to Wait that pressure off It's it's it's tough and I talk about this a lot. I think we're at a crossroads in human history human evolution because part of the Technology of marriage was created to solve the issue of I mean solve the problem of I want kids Right, and it's better. It's more productive to have kids under these You know mandates under these this institution of marriage. What's tough is Those timelines for women especially are still there That's that's the issue It's still there. Yeah So that pressure whether your parents are up your ass or they're not nature's still up your ass And and if if if you are I think the only difference is the institution of marriage isn't a Necessary piece of having kids anymore Because now people are doing a veto fertilization Which and you have valid points, but the problem is women Have to so it's like I wish women didn't have to but you do Because leave it the niggas like I think our peak earner pretend it was 45 Yeah, so if if it was up to men, yeah, we would get married at 40 45. Oh, yeah Y'all can't do that. No, you can't wait to 45 my my eggs will be scrambled There's no way. Yeah, and I you know, you hear niggas like complain like She's pressuring me for a relationship, but I can't press her for sex Because we want sex you want monogamy? You know, but The the pressures are pressures are different and that's why that's why I empathize with women because you can't play around Like you it's and the movement is going towards like the city girl movement is going towards girl. Just have fun in your 20s But we don't have that time to have fun It's like yeah have fun But just remember that there's a because I I had fun during college I had a grand old time but by the time I hit 25 I was like, all right girl It's time to get it together You need to find your career or you need to find a mate because by 30 you want to start having kids so Get it together, but yeah, and it's true this whole movement of like I mean, I love this movement of where women are like, you know into their whole sexuality and things like that But we're not having those conversations But also with you saying that you empathize with women because of the timeline a lot of men don't They think we have all the time We don't and I and I think we you guys don't understand it because how can you you're not a woman You don't understand it. It's like you can want kids and hold out till you're 45 and you're still You're good like my adopted dad he he had his at 45 Like so what? Who cares but for us like no my biological father. He had his last child at 52 Yeah, my sister her father had his last one at like 70 Yeah, yeah, let us have that child come out all kinds of wrong But I think My biggest thing and hope With our culture is that we power a prioritize union because We cannot move forward as a people if our family structure is not Healthy We're just not it's just not going to work. I come from a very broken home My broken home is so broken you can't even find the missing pieces and There's so many other People our age That have those things of coming from broken homes and it's it's constantly repeating and now we're in this generation now, you know having kids and not being married or just having kids just to have kids it's normalized and I don't think it's the best thing for our culture. I mean do what you want. It's your life But I don't think it's it's productive in order for us to get ahead because we're so behind as a people We have 400 years to catch up on 400 years to catch up on and we're not realizing that we need to Make a priority of coming together to build families because Legacy is so important We're not even having that conversation and that's something that That's the thing that I really It irritates me with our culture because every other race they understand legacy. They understand family dynamics But yet for some reason well, of course this dates back to slavery, of course But even with all the knowledge that we have reading the willy lynch letter Even with reading that and have that in front of our faces We're still not changing our mindsets knowledge and understanding You're right because I don't think we're understanding