 I don't want to talk about it. I don't. Can we just not? Can we just like pretend this never happened? Oh no. Oh no. I'm enjoying it, but I've only just kind of started enjoying it. Today we are gonna be celebrating Spooky Season! It's Spooky Season everyone. I am so excited I'm so in the mood to read some horror. Look it. Look it. I love Halloween. So that's what we're gonna be doing today. We're gonna be reading my Spookiest books, my Spookiest horror books on my TBR. I haven't actually really got a set TBR for this vlog. I know that I just want to read horror. So I did a video a couple weeks ago about all the horror on my TBR and I'm just gonna be kind of picking books from that, like what I'm in the mood for. I know. Who said I could be a mood reader? Who knew? Who knew she could be a mood reader? So yeah, I know what the first book I'm gonna be reading is, but then the rest of the week we'll just pick Spooky horror books. So the one we're gonna be starting with in this vlog is, without a doubt, my most anticipated book for the second half of this year. And it is White Smoke by Tiffany D Jackson. This arc was very kindly sent to me by the publisher. This is a haunted house horror thriller. Come on now. Come on. Come on! Haunted house! Oh my god, I'm so excited for like ghostiness, spooky stuff going on, unexplained speaker stuff going on. She is the moment. She is the moment. She's an icon. She's a legend. And she is the moment. Now come on now. I really don't know what to expect from this. All I know is our main character. I think her family, like I think her mom and her mom's boyfriend are just moving in together so it's kind of a blended family and they're moving to this new house together and spooky shit starts occurring. That's all I know. It's pitched as haunting of your house meets get out and I am just so excited. So we're going to start with this and then we'll read other spooky stuff this week as well. So let's go. I'm so excited. Okay, here is the situation. I am about halfway through White Smoke. So basically in this we are following Marigold who's a family has moved into this new area. It's a blended family. So it's her mom and her brother and then her mom's new boyfriend and his daughter. And the daughter, they do not get on. They do not get on. The daughter's like 10. Marigold's like 17 or something. And I do not trust this kid. Scary kids, scary kids. I don't like them. I don't like them. I don't like them. She's scary. And yeah, like spooky shit is going on in the house. The question is it haunted? Is it something else? But I'm not scared yet. That's my problem. I wanted to be spooked. Maybe this isn't horror. Maybe I should see it more as like it does tell the back psychological thriller. But everyone is categorising it as horror, but it does tell more like a thriller. I wanted to be scared. And I'm not scared. Like spooky shit is going on. There's a few points where I feel a bit apprehensive, but I'm not scared. Marigold's an interesting main character. She suffers a lot with anxiety and constantly being hinted at and slowly being revealed things in her past that meant they had to remove. And one seems to be a drug addiction that she kind of developed to deal with her anxiety. And so there's a lot in this book about Marigold wanting weed basically to help with her anxiety and kind of the discussion around weed. I guess this book is having is like, is it okay to stop you taking those harder drugs? Or is it, you know, in Marigold's case she started with weed and then went on to other harder drugs and is now trying to just cope with just weed. So there are a lot of discussions around weed in this book and about how that affects someone and like addiction and stuff like that. And I think that's great. I think that's an element of it that I really admire because I've never read a YA book where the main character is dealing with any kind of addiction, let alone like a weed addiction. And I think it's important that these themes, which I think some like hoity-toity publishers like they'd be like, oh it's too adult. It's too adult for YA. Bitch, YA has had sex, death, everything since the beginning of time. Like since YA began, that has been present in YA. But I think issues that are not only coded as mature, but coded as poor or black or you know, any of those things are deemed unacceptable, right? But these are issues that are affecting young adults. So it should be in young adult. So I really admire that element of it that that is being featured in this book. But I just don't love it yet. And this was like kind of my number one anticipated release for the second part of this year. And it's not serving up everything I wanted to. He's mugged you off darling. He has mugged you off. I don't think I like the audiobook and I've listened to quite a lot of it via the audiobook just so I can actually read. I think Marigold is not the kind of character whose head you want to be in because she's very anxious. Oh, another thing I completely forgot. She has anxiety around bedbugs, right? Like an obsession with bedbugs. They had this infestation in their house. And she has this anxiety around bedbugs and like believing that they're on her and wanting to scrub it off. And she has all these kind of coping mechanisms like burning clothes and shit. And as someone who not around bedbugs but experienced health anxiety, general health anxiety a couple of years ago and was very unwell with it just before I started my channel, I really always appreciate any health anxiety in books because that before I had health anxiety, I didn't even know it existed. Like I didn't even know that kind of like specific, quite common form of anxiety existed. So I didn't really know what was wrong with me. And I think if I had read this, perhaps I would have felt differently and maybe have recognized it sooner myself. So again, I really appreciate that. So I've been talking for a long time. So let me shut up. But the point is there's a lot of aspects in this that I appreciate but I am not loving the experience of reading it. I'm not scared enough. I'm not thrilled enough. It's a thriller. I'm going to finish it. I am tomorrow going to London. So exciting for the book launch of the Spirit Engineer by AJ West. If you saw me reading that from the spooky, spooky season book, I'm going to go to the book launch for that. So I'm super excited for that. So I don't think I'll finish this before then but I'll check in with you probably the day after once I have finished it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't. Can we just not? Can we just like pretend this never happened? Fuck. I didn't, I didn't love it. I didn't love it and I'm very sad about it and I'm very annoyed in terms of not worst book by any means that I have read this year but probably the most disappointing. Probably the most disappointing because it was one of my most anticipated releases and I shouldn't love it. I'm going to give this a three star. In terms of my enjoyment, it's probably a 2.5 but I want to recognize in that rating that I just seem to be having a bit of trouble with YA at the moment and some of you bitches will be thinking Just stop reading YA. But no because I love YA. YA is traditionally like the genre that so many of my favourite books come from so I'm not going to stop reading YA. Just in the past maybe two months I haven't had much success with it so I want to recognize that maybe me and YA are going through a bit of a funk at the moment and some of it is me and not the book. I loved a lot of the conversations it had. I think that's a problem we've been having with YA as well is that I'm loving conversations that are being had in a lot of YA but I'm not just enjoying the writing. The ending was disappointing for me. I didn't feel like the ending pulled it off. Like the ending felt like a bit like an anti-climax. No I can't say that because that's a spoiler but how can I say it's without spoiling it? There's just something that books like this do that piss me off and I feel cheated. That's what I'm going to say. That's what I'm going to say. It could be about anything and it just doesn't always mean I'm like come on give me what I wanted. Give me what I wanted. I'm still very excited to read all of Tiffany D Jackson's other stuff because I was talking to some of my patrons about it. One of them had literally just read it. I think she gave me like one or two stars. She was saying that a lot of people who love Tiffany D Jackson's other stuff haven't enjoyed this so I'm still going to read Grown. There it is and hopefully Monday is not coming. This hasn't put me off reading Tiffany D Jackson's stuff. I don't even want to talk about it because I'm just so sad. I can't even look at the wall with that sad face. So yeah I enjoyed the conversation they had around like consumption of weed gentrification you know all this stuff. But also oh that's another thing. I feel like because it covered all those issues there were so many plot elements and kind of in little mysteries that were laid and I didn't feel like they were all resolved at the end. It wasn't really given the time. That's it. It wasn't given the time that I felt like it should have been given to cover those issues as much as I wanted. So that's my opinion. I'm really sad but I'm still going to give it three stars because I admire a lot of what it did and some of it may just be me. So it's currently Friday so the week is coming to a close and I've only read one book. I was in speaking to my patrons a bit about this. We're not going to get into it too much because I don't want everywhere to be sad hours. I'm talking about it. I haven't been the happiest the past week. I feel like my life has kind of gone to shit a little bit. No that's exaggeration but I've just been sad. I've just been sad and struggling to do stuff. Like you know when you're sad and like tasks that should take you like one hour take you three hours. That's what's been happening with me. You know I feel like in these kind of videos if I don't read three books I failed you but we're just going to read two books in this vlog. I hope that's okay. But what I'm going to read next is The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones. I'm so excited to read this. I'm pretty sure I've put this on like five star predictions because I want to read this year. Like so many lists. This has been up there. I've been so excited to get to it. So all I'm going to do today is edit some of this vlog like up till here and read. I've got sprints with my patrons in about two hours. So we're going to we're going to read this then. I'm going to edit up till then. But I also thought right now to try and like mitigate the sadness I've been feeling let's quickly unbox fairly. That's what we've been waiting for. It's what we wanted all along. They do send me these and it always cheers me up to open them. So this is the September Fairy Loot box. Uprising is the theme of this month. Oh, okay. We've got a card holder inspired by the prison healer. That's cute. I haven't read the prison healer. I've heard some good things about it though. Isn't she cute? She's cute. I don't know when I'd use a card holder though. I just put things in my pocket. In my pocket, in my purse if I'm honest. Or an ember in the ashes enamel pin. We all know I did not love an ember in the ashes. But that is cute. Look at that pin. Look at her. That's really cute. May death claim me first. That's a gorgeous pin. Especially upclose. What have we got here? What is this? Excuse me. A tapestry? Oh my God. Hang on. What am I looking at? Oh my God. Is that? I before I even find out what that is. Is that a daughter of smoke and bone? It is! Look. I'm starting to recognize characters, ladies and gentlemen. I... See, I'm telling you. I have the mind of a master. I have the mind of a master. What's that? I don't know. Never recognized characters. I was like, who is she? But I knew that was Karu. Look. Isn't that so cute? I can't see if you can see it. But that is so cute. Oh my God. I was just saying I need more socks. Listen. Things like socks in book boxes. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate them. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. I was saying to Tom how I need more socks. Oh it's inspired by Six Crimes and Cranes. Which I haven't read but it's gorgeous. And I do want to. Oh my God. Cute. Okay. I'm literally going to put them on right now. And apparently there's... There's two becs this month. I love it when they give two becs. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Check out the labels. So we've got Beasts of Prey by Ayanna Gray. Oh, I don't know anything about this. Pan-African inspired fantasy. Fate finds two teenagers together as they strike a dangerous alliance to hunt down the ancient creature menacing their home. How exciting. Okay. This is what I needed. A little bit of book, you know, haulage makes me so happy. That's exciting. Wow. Let me know if you read this. This looks so good. Wow. Okay. I love that cover. That's so cute. And then what is the book in the box? Oh, we have got Defy Overnight by Bridget Camera. Lovely purple sprayed edges. You love to see it. Oh, look at that. I love it when they do art on the inside of the dust jacket. I've got to be honest. I don't love that cover, but I feel like they're trying to make it look like Bridget Camera's other stuff. A Curse of Dark and Lonely. I have always been intrigued by that series. So I'm intrigued by this one. I think this is like romance, like a fantasy romance. Oh my God. It's got, they know me. I love it when books have this. It makes me feel so bougie. It's got a ribbon bookmark. It's got a ribbon bookmark. I love it when they do this. I will leave the link down below as always. Make sure you go and check them out. I love it when they give me two books. How generous. I am going to go edit this video up till here. And then when my Patreon sprints start, I will start The Only Good Indians. And I'm very excited. 100 pages into The Only Good Indians. And I'm not going to lie. It took me pretty much these whole 100 pages to get into the book and to get used to how it's being told. I don't know how to describe it, but the writing style was just not what I expected. And it kind of like threw me for a loop. And I was like, hang on. And actually what really helped me was turning on the audiobook. So reading along with the audiobook. Because it helped me really understand what was happening and the way that sentences were being phrased and stuff. So essentially, 10 years ago, these group of friends shot a group of elk and killed some elk. They are now basically being stalked in some capacity and punished in a way for that. And we're following one of them in particular and he feels a lot of guilt around that. And it's like something that follows him and he feels like haunts him. I'm enjoying it. Again, it's very different than what I expected. It's kind of this claustrophobic horror, like building and building in suspense. It feels very claustrophobic to me. I feel like part of the problem might actually just be I actually... After all of this, I'm not in the mood for horror. I mean, I thought I was, but I think maybe because I'm a bit down at the moment, I think I'm more in the headspace in terms of spooky or autumnal books. I'm more in the mood for like a cozy mystery, which thankfully is what I'm reading next. So excited. But like there's quite a lot of already like gore or gory things happening and I'm reading it and I'm like, oh no. So that's on me. I'm going to try and read like at least another 120 pages tonight and check in with you again. Okay, I have been on a journey, a journey with this book so far. Let me tell you. So it took me a long time to fully get into this book. I'm on page 220 now. So I have read that much. I've got this much left to go. I'm very rarely doggie my pages, but I had to in this moment because I couldn't be bothered to get up and get a bookmark. Sure, Jan. It took me a long time to get into this book because what I want to say is right, I think as a white, not only a white reviewer, a white reader, but as a white English reviewer where we don't have that kind of indigenous history that America and Canada have. I think I have very little actual understanding of native culture, beliefs, contexts. And this book, it took me a moment to get into because of that and I want to be very conscious of that. And I also want to encourage any of you who pick this up, who are white, to really take a moment to check yourself on that and to recognize that because I didn't fully start appreciating the book until I did that. Because I think I was kind of in this headspace of like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. This book isn't necessarily vibing with me. And then I checked myself and I was like, there's a reason you don't understand this is because you have very little understanding of this culture and that's something you want to improve. So that's why this book is so important. So once I did that, I started loving it so much more and also it came at a point when the narrative kind of shifts in a way I wasn't expecting and I really appreciated and so much like crazy shit is happening now. I don't want to spoil anything but we're getting like perspectives that I am just obsessed with that like, if you'd have told me, wow, I can't. I can't how iconic some of the stuff in this is. Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same. But like I said, that kind of level of enjoyment has only maybe been like the past 60 pages or something. It took me a very long time to get into it. I think Stephen Graham Jones is doing something so wonderful in that he's really showcasing native beliefs. We're following for Blackfeet natives and the author himself is from Blackfeet Nation. The way that he builds in, you know, native beliefs and customs and humour to someone who like knows nothing about it is so expertly done. But also I imagine in a way that if you are aware of those, particularly if they're your own, when you're reading it, you immediately get the reference and you'd be like, oh, wow, this is so great. It took me a moment to get used to is it's kind of told in this like rambling style, especially at the beginning, this kind of like ongoing thought, rambling like anxious kind of narrative style and that threw me off. I didn't love that aspect of it. That wasn't a very enjoyable reading experience for me, but I do understand why that choice was made. And yeah, I'm enjoying it, but I've only just kind of started enjoying it. We've been on a ride. We've been on like a long ride, me and this book. Yeah. And just the way that, oh, they're being punished for this crime against nature and nature is rising up and getting revenge is just crazy. It's just so interesting. It's so good. And I feel like these last like 120 pages are going to be balls to the wall crazy. And I'm not ready. I'm not going to be able to finish it tonight, but I'm going to get close. So I'm in this outfit for the thumbnail. Don't judge me. It's my spooky outfit. I finished the Indian Indians. Where's the thing? The second half of this is incredible. It really ramps up with that pace and that pressure, that tension that I want. It's crazy. It's like so much is happening. And the ending, like the last couple pages literally gave me goosebumps. Like I almost cried. It gave me such an emotional reaction. I can't say why because I want to spoil it for anyone because I really want people to go and read this if they haven't already. I mean, I'm late to the party, but like if you haven't, I would really recommend it. I felt like the ending symbolized so many things and was just so beautifully done for a horror. Like it really wasn't expecting. I was expecting something very, very different, but I loved it. But my initial reaction at the end of that, like as soon as I finished the last page, was to give it a 4, but already just like a couple hours later, I'm kind of leaning towards a 3.5 overall. When really there's not much difference. I'm still going to rate it a 4 on Goodreads. So like there's not much difference there. Yeah, I just like it wasn't quite a 4 for me because of like the rollercoaster of emotions I had with the book. And because I feel like the start, the first half didn't quite give me like the drama and tension and scariness the second half gave me. Plus there's some changes in the second half to do with like the narrative and what we know about the story that really what made it for me. But I wish perhaps that had been a little bit earlier, some of that. I loved also in like a latter part of this the importance that basketball played. I thought that was super interesting. I really love sport in books and fiction. And I wasn't aware of how important basketball is to like modern indigenous communities. And I found that so interesting. And the way I want to like talk about this book spoiler, but the way that the narrative is furthered through some of the basketball scenes kind of symbolically, I thought was just so incredibly clever. So I really enjoyed it, especially the second half. The first half a bit iffy, but 3.5 is still a good rating. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this vlog. If you've gotten to the end, comment a ghost emoji for the haunted house-ness of this book. Comment a ghost emoji if you've gotten to the end. Thank you so much for watching. I hope you enjoyed the vlog. And I'm starting to feel like myself again. So hopefully I feel like this vlog wasn't that great. So hopefully next week I'll be back to myself a bit. I'm starting to feel a little bit better. So yeah, I love you guys. I hope you're doing well. And I'll see you very soon in another video. Bye.