 How do I get a man to make more effort? How do I get a man to make more effort? How do I get a man to? So in a healthy relationship, one of the fundamentals, again, by the way, if you're not familiar with the Gottman Institute, by the way, the book is eight dates, but it's by John and Julie Gottman. There's the Gottman Institute. One of the things that they talk about is bids or requests for intimacy, bids or requests for intimacy. So what you might wanna share is, now that rhetoric might sound like this, you know, it would feel really good if you could call me more often. It would feel really good if you'd call me more often. Okay, that's part of the languaging that you're taught by some of my contemporaries. I wanna add the following. It'd feel really good if you call me more often. Is that doable? Like, in other words, invite the agreement. Okay, it's one thing to make the request, but then offer the agreement. Is that doable for you? And if he says, well, I can call you every other day. Okay, well, now you have something to negotiate between the two of you. If you wanna have a man make more effort, then come at it from a place of a conversation and not confrontation. Let me repeat that, a conversation and not confrontation. So the worst thing you could do is tell a man, I need you to do more of this. By the way, that will trigger his mother or father wound and he will run to the hills. I gotta tell you, whenever I'm told what to do, that triggers my parental bullshit and I run as fast as possible. Now, when you come from a place of curiosity, come from a genuine place of saying, this will help our relationship, then I have a choice. Now most men, 80% of men, they're not capable of being in a healthy happy relationship. They're the emotionally dysfunctional ones and you'll lose those guys sooner rather than later. And that's okay too, just like the saying says, rejection is God's protection. Not that I love that saying, but it's just one of those things out there. And my invitation for you is make a request by offering how it would feel for that request to be, and you say it would make me feel really good if we could connect every night before we go to bed. Is that okay with you? And at least get his buy-in because then he has a choice because men oftentimes, they don't wanna make a promise they can't keep so they'll offer an alternate solution. Or if they agree and then they don't do it, well then the guy's actions doesn't match his words until they go fuck off. Folks, look it, I know I've said this before, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there for you on a first date with my shotgun pointing at the guy's nose saying, what are your intentions with my little sister? Okay, and by the way, I'm saying this tongue in cheek, but the metaphor is you have to be your own advocate because nobody else is gonna be an advocate for you and I'm offering some tools for you to be a better advocate for in your life. This is victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. Are you with me? Give me an amen or a thumbs up. So I wanna thank you so much, Sonya, for your question, I really appreciate it. All right, Robin says, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, my fiancee to have all that you have discussed, I totally followed everything you said. See folks, here's an example of someone who follows my work and she says she's one of the lucky ones. If you wanna be one of the lucky ones, listen to my advice or check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And if you can't afford coaching, check out my membership group for 20 bucks a month. You can have direct access to me on a regular basis. Jonathan, can you tell us why it's so important for a man to feel that a woman respects him? I love this question, Sadie, thank you so much. Why is it, well, I think it's important for men and women alike to both feel respected. Men from, men I think need this, well, the way Dr. Pat Allen says it, so this is something I'm gonna borrow from Dr. Pat Allen. And I've been contemplating whether or not this is true or not. So let me say it out loud and then we can explore it together. So Pat Allen says men feel cherished when they're respected and women feel respected when they're cherished. So there's an interesting duality within this and the idea is both men and women do want to feel respected. So let's think of the opposite of respect, disrespect. Quite frankly, I will tell you so many women and men are in relationship with each other and they actually disrespect each other. I mean, it's funny how simply they disrespect each other by not living their actions not consistently matching your words. That is a pure example of disrespect because when you respect someone you don't make a promise you can't keep as an example. So why do men need to feel respected? Because it sucks to feel disrespected. And I've been in a relationship where I felt disrespected. It's called marriage. And let me be fair to my ex-wife because she is a great woman and a good mother to my children. I was a jackass of a husband mainly because I was very myopically focused on making money, making money, making money. And I wasn't focused on being a good husband. And she had her own bullshit going on as well. So I mean, she may never take ownership of it. I'll take ownership of my part. I'll take ownership of my half of how fucked up or how fucked up I operate in the relationship. But at the end of the day, when you feel disrespected you're gonna start treating each other like shit. So either respect a person or move on because it's or at least find that common ground. And love is also a component of letting go of the small shit not the big shit, but the small shit. Love says what love does is let go of the small shit. And if there's big shit to disrespect, then move on. If there's little stuff, that's where love comes in and takes up the gap. So anyway, Sadie, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's see what kind of personal questions you have for me.