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I am the one who says yes. No. Now. Here. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Procrastinators podcast. I'm the best guy ever. Oh yes, and I've almost forgot. The PCP is a podcast with a bunch of internet creators, mostly me. These guys are also here for some reason. But we all make stuff on the internet and here we are talking about our thoughts on stuff. We've got Hippocrite here. Oh gee, I sure hope I'm going to do okay in this... Oh boy. Oh, come on, give. Didn't you hear my confident opening there? Oh no. I'm so sorry. We've got Tom Oliver here. I can confidently say that Nate is not as good as me, because I'm the real best guy of all time. There you go, classic faking until you make it, everybody. There it is. Excellent. Fuck you, buddy. And we've got a lethal Aurora mage here. I'm gonna bend this podcast over a table and nail it in the ass. Whoa. That is confident. Now that's the kind of hardcore, meaghtow sentiment you'd expect from the lethal Aurora mage. Well, guys, today's... Meaghtow mage going her own way. Go on, give. Oh, I'm so unconfident. Like, what I said sounded like something I would have said at the beginning of this podcast. If you go back, that just is what I sounded like. And now, it wasn't even a joke. People would probably be confused. Like, huh, I guess he's still unconfident as we expect. If they listened to episode one and then skipped straight to episode 86 or whatever this is now, they'd be like, oh, that gib, still shaking in his boots, quaking in his... Well, we all know that once you become a racist and start saying racial slurs all the time, you invariably get more confident. I'm sure we'll talk about that point at some moment. You kind of have to. You kind of have to. You do. You got it. You got the onslaught. Like, if you want to go out there and make race realism your thing, you really got to have a strong personality to back that up these days. And I suppose you probably always did. But there it is. There it is. And that is our topic, everybody. It is confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. Which I'm sure our audience has in spades. I have no doubt about it. Our wonderful teenage boy audience, definitely, is smash and puss on the reg. Oh, wait a minute. Has there been an incident? Huh? What? Oh, sorry. I heard it always and I thought I might have been cut off, because I didn't hear you guys laughing uproariously to my hilarious jokes. And that was a big problem. Okay, okay. I left it in my head. And joining us late. Oh, who could it be but Digi? Digi Bro is here. I got tons of confidence. That's what this is about, right? He's got the confidence to join in whenever the fuck he wants to be casually late for the podcast. What do you know? Impressive. Well, so here we are, everybody. Confidence is our topic, and confidence is our attitude. So let's head over to Urban Dictionary and find out what the fuck we're dealing with here. So the top definition of confidence is absolute could care fucking less what everybody thinks. That is, that's okay. That's it. There's another way to say that it's what confidence is, but okay. Yeah. The second one here is confidence. The thing girls say that they want in a guy when they themselves usually don't have the confidence to make the first move. Amigdha wrote this definition and I love it. Oh, that's good. That's good. So which side of the fence is everyone on? Who is a for and against confidence? I'm against it. I think it's a bad idea. I think it's dangerous. I think I think dangerous. I'm confidently against confidence. This is a bad idea. Wait, I can't tell if you're fucking joking or not because I've never heard anyone state that they're against confidence. I just wanted to say I'm confidently against it like as a fucking joke. Well, confidence is like charisma, right? They're basically the same thing and charismatic leaders have throughout history been responsible for some fucked up shit, you know? Lots of people who have tons of confidence in no charisma, like that anime snob or something. Well, could you define charisma as you mean it here? You almost said the anime snob has charisma. That's a dangerous. Well, he has a type of charisma for sure, but to be charismatic would basically mean that you have an attitude that makes people sort of want to follow you or to just take an interest in you as a person. He has his he has like a charisma that's like cringy, a cringyma, if you But I think there's lots of people who like don't have any charisma, but are so confident that they do. Like in someone like him, yeah, he does have, I mean, he has enough charisma to have a follow. He has a type of charisma. You know, you know who has the amount he thinks he has is vastly greater than that. You know what it reminds me of? It's not, it's like the mental equivalent of retard strength, because you know, like one who is mentally deficient can have maximum confidence that what they're doing is correct, like a baby crying, but then, you know, like they're caught and like no one's going to give a shit or you know, want to do shit for them. So, okay, okay. I see a distinction here. You know why that is, right? It's because like with normal people, we only use 10% of our brains at a time, but if you're not concentrating on which 10% you use and you're just using your whole brain all the time, so you can't like think about any one thing, but you can do everything. You know what I'm saying? Sounds legit to me. That sounds like science to me for sure. I actually saw a video earlier about like how the more confident you are, like the people who are the most confident that they're good at their job are the ones who are the least effective at that job. Like those people at the post office who give me shit every time I go in, they're not that great and they also resent me for being there. That's socialism at work everybody. That's socialism at work. That's what it does. That's my political point. That's just me like crazy and that's what is called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Yeah, that's the one. Believing that you are vastly superior than what you actually are, just because it's like the less you know about how much better you could be. Right, right. You know, it's funny, I was just recording like a huge vlog explaining a bunch of shit about myself and like how I'm always accused of being like super egotistical and stuff like that because I think I'm better than like most anime YouTubers, but I consider that a really low bar. Right, that's a good point. The way I see it, there's like, there's tons of people I look up to who I consider to be way better than me and I'm like, oh, there's tons of improvement for improvement, you know, which is why I think I'm able to be successful and I see things that way, but I've definitely seen people who are like, you know, I'm already amazing. I don't need to improve anything and then they wallow in obscurity and like they don't understand why, you know. Sure, yeah. That sort of reminds me of how like, you know, saying you're like one of the better brony analysts is like that doesn't mean much. Yeah, no, it means nothing. It kind of reminds me of like, so the world has changed, you know, and like guys like, oh, I don't know, like guys like Dr. Wolfe are now like exposed to like a worldwide audience and they're able to garner like some small following that, yeah, I mean, he has more subs than me, so I'm not trying to say that he's like a total shit or anything. So I respect the work that he's done, but like, you can tell there's an internal limit within him about like what he's going to do, how high he's going to reach, and you can see the walls that he's put up for himself just based on like the kind of stuff he's doing and where he's going to go and like the sort of people he's going to attract, aka weirdo bronies, you know, who got no direction in life and whatnot. And yet, like, if he was out in the world, like the real world equivalent that is like a cult leader. You got like a cult leader. And that's what Dr. Wolfe is to me. He's like a weirdo cult leader. That's what he would be without the internet. And I think he's like Mormon, so that might actually be relatively accurate anyway. But but the point is like, we should probably backdrop fewer people at this. I feel like we started enough shit. Dr. Wolfe is a meme. No one's going to object to talking about Dr. Wolfe. I don't I don't even hate Dr. Wolfe the way like Ben does. I just find him a curiosity. So I'm just saying that like people form these very small communities where they're like worshipped like gods, you know, or that's exaggeration. But like they're treated as like the king of their little pond. And people are often satisfied with that. But we with the internet now, you can compare yourself to the entire world. So like where you're saying that people give you shit for saying you're like the best anime out analyst. It's funny because they also accused me of having that exact cult you're talking about. And like I don't I'm not satisfied with that. Like I don't you know, I don't think that's good that I have like a cult of people who worship me. Of course. And your commenters are formed from a lot of different people and they each have the luxury to like choose the attack vehicle they want to go with against you know, any person they disagree with online. So you know, they've got the luxury of doing that and not having to be largely consistent because they're an anonymous shit poster. So yeah, that's cool. But anyway, that's not particularly relevant to. I was gonna say how I think of my own level of confidence. And I like I like to consider myself like low in confidence because you know, I do good things. And then when people, you know, see that I am like, oh, it's not that good. And then they say, but you're work so great way better than mine. And I'm just like, hey, it's exactly what I want to see. Great. You know, like I don't know whether I actually think I have low confidence. Does that give you that like, does it make me feel good to make other people feel like they're comparing themselves to me and it's bad for them. And it's like, yes, sick, you know, do you like getting the feeling there of like, hey, if I really did it, if I was like truly out there, I would like be so good. You know, I'm getting out with that. It's like if you like lower your, you know what I mean? I don't know. Like I'm, I, you know, I like I like to think that I'm not very confident because of that reason. But I think I am actually not very confident. I don't know how to measure it. Like, like, it's too like you have to be very introspective to know. You know, I think people who I think everybody has like a lack like nobody's perfectly confident, but people who are like particularly unconfident think that other people are like just confident about everything. I think some people look at me and think I am confident about everything. And that is not even, everything I do, there's like an element of, oh God, am I doing the right thing? Like in the long term, you know, is this going to bite me in the ass, whatever I'm doing, or like, or is this even good? You know, and like, I just have enough confidence to do it anyways. And I think that's what the real power of confidence is. It's not about like thinking everything you do is definitely going to be great. It's just about thinking that there's enough of a chance people will like it that you should do it anyways, you know. Well, there's like, there's a couple of different kinds. I think, I mean, I've learned in my experience that there's a couple of different ways that like confidence is segmented. There is, there is such a thing as like pure confidence. And it's things that guys who are like, I learned about this when I like looked into like pickup artistry stuff, like you can, you can develop a sense of just raw confidence in yourself, which is kind of like zen. It's kind of just like accepting oblivion of the world and like accepting that like consequences don't matter. And like just learning to accept like the fatality of existence, like, and that'll allow you to do things like approach a girl, like be rejected and not care, and then just continue on your quest to, you know, keep doing that until you like smash puss or whatever. So that's the kind of like raw, separate confidence. But then there's the kind that in a way is much easier to obtain, but also is kind of much harder. And so what I'm talking about is like, confidence developed through acquiring skill and through acquiring mastery, like of a specific thing, like for example, and I think this is really the kind that I have obtained over the years, because I have just done so many vlogs, so many videos, so many, I don't know, like songs and stuff, I guess I haven't done as many of those. So actually much less confident, like my singing ability than other stuff. But like you just by doing this, like if someone asked me like to be on a podcast, I'm like, I'm ready. I got everything ready to go. I'm prepared immediately. I will have no problem doing this. And I know I can talk for a fucking hour if I need to. I think a lot of that comes just from normalizing it for yourself. Like exactly. Like I don't even know if I'm better at podcasting. I've just done so fucking much of it that like, how could I not be better? Or how can I not do it? You know, like you just get to a point where it's not a matter of can I or can't I it's I know I will. And that's like when a lot of people bring up confidence, a lot of it is like, I mean, I always picture like a nerdy guy who's like, I'm unconfident. What do I do? And the question is like, what do you want to do? What is your goal? If the goal is to like get a girlfriend, then like immediately begin like it's not hard. You just like to start doing the things that will help you get your goal. If you think you're unattractive, work on your appearance. And I think a lot of people stop themselves when they hear what the things they have to do are. They say, I can't do that. It's like everybody can do that. It's a matter of dedication and how willing you are to just fucking go through with it. You know, absolutely. And the worst argument you can ever make to yourself or hear when people say this thing is like, no, I can't do that because that would be me being inauthentic to myself when they when like that kind of stuff comes up. Now that pisses me off. That reminds me of this thing I heard at this like talk where it was like talking about creativity and like stuff and like, you know, your projects and you know, they're gonna go anywhere. And she she said this thing, which like stuck with me because of how like alternative it is to the usual like motivational speech is like, not everybody deserves, you know, to be successful. And, you know, maybe you don't maybe you don't deserve to be successful. That's great. It was like an empowering thought though. Yeah, because it's like, you don't deserve it until you have, you know, until you put the work in to be good enough to be a person who does deserve it. People feel like they're entitled to a lot in the world. And I think it really a lot of good comes from recognizing that the universe owes you nothing and is completely does not give a shit about you completely indifferent to your existence. And once you recognize that and you cast away all that Fru Fru bullshit about karma and whatnot and you just recognize I need to write this shit might write this ship myself. I'm going to get where I want to go then that you can start to make steps towards it, you know, you know, something you said earlier, Nate about people saying it would be untrue to themselves to do a thing. My response to that would be like you are not you are nothing like there is no you. It's what you do that is you like you are just whatever you are performing at the time. There's no like solid like like your personality or whatever is not like an object in your brain that informs all your actions. It's like I feel like a lot of it comes from this idea of a soul, I think a lot of it steps from that like oh I've got my soul is like this. It's like no, you are just whatever you are performing, you know, like whatever you're doing that is who you are. And if you do the same thing for long enough, you'll forget that you were ever anything different, you know, like look at me. I was born. I was born. Yeah, yeah, I was a human meme now. We were all born with brony souls, but we chose to change them. We chose to sculpt them for good. I think some people really see it like that. I think some do for sure. People who left the brony community and people view it as like you changed. And it's like, yeah, I was never a solid thing. Like I was everybody fucking changes. Yeah, that's just natural. If you don't like endeavor to change like if you if you think every moment that you have an opinion on everything like that is your opinion and if you you know nobody likes the idea of I don't know like making a review and then having a different idea about it later and making another review like nobody likes that idea for some reason. If you think that you're putting things on the internet is like oh that's the snapshot that is this person this person has talked about this thing and now that is what they think forever. Right, but you can change your mind. You should be changing your mind constantly. Guys, I want to say I want to say I slightly disagree like for what what Gib has said like I agree with that but with the whole not doing things like you thinking you can't do a thing because that's not the thing. Like personally I have changed over the years as a person, you know, so I'm not the same person I was like 10 years ago or whatever. So like progress happens, people change, people do become different. However, I feel like a lot of people can sometimes like don't change at the core for instance like there's still things I know that like 100% I'm never going to do in my life because that's not the kind of person I am and not the kind of person I would be able to become. I'm just not capable of it like there are limits of course. I'm never going to be the party girl that goes out every night and you know drinks a lot in the clubs and do you even want to be that though? That's the question. I would like to be more outgoing and not scared of people. I mean I think that I think there's a there's a big difference between like you know like you can change things about yourself but like if you don't want to be like if you don't even want to be that person then no you're never going to be that person but like if you were telling me like I want to be a party girl who goes out every night I'd be like well follow this 10-step program and you can be that person you know but like if it's not something you can even envision yourself as then the difficulty of stuff like that is like oh um I don't really want to be an outgoing party person but in order to meet people and get a girlfriend I mean you need to become well like that's the way people see a lot of like problems like that they have to do something they don't want to do to get something that they do yeah that's right like I actually have had this sort of experience back in high school in an attempt to sort of uh fit in with my fellow classmates and just like make some proper friends I did actually go out and um whenever they would do meetups and like drink alcohol and party and stuff I did actually go out my way and go out and try to mingle and see what it's about and just sort of blend in and it didn't work out I did it like several times and it's just it didn't happen I would you say that the the problem was sort of realizing that fitting in wasn't something you really wanted if that's what it meant I think it's a matter of degrees like that's the whole thing it's not like wanting something isn't like a binary thing it's not like I wanted or I don't want it there's tons of things that like I want it but I don't want it enough to go through this like process yeah I mean that's sure sure like I want to be good at drawing but like the amount of work I have to do to like really get super good at it I'd rather do 3d instead because I have more fun doing that I want both of them sure but you only have so much time you'll have so much effort and I'd rather dedicate my time here that doesn't mean I don't want that it's just that I don't want it as much so we have to make decisions that way like you could want to go out and party but if you want that less than like hanging out at home and like reading a book or something then you want things on those on different levels of degrees you know that the coolest like an example of all this is um I was watching a David Bowie documentary and there was this part where he said I don't really want to be famous or a rock star or anything but I'm doing it right now so that I have the resources at my disposal when I need them to do what I actually want to do yeah there you go great attitude like he became a superstar so that he could do whatever he wanted he made he became a superstar so that his Minecraft let's plays would get so many views when they came out you know like totally the exact approach I have like at all me too I fucking hate being famous and I hate it more every day but like you know I can't make the kind of money I do without having some fame and like I like being able to eat out every day so like I'm not interested in being a famous YouTuber but I am interested in eating out every day and like one facilitates eating out every day boy yeah there's number two but yeah with regards to what Tom said that was my approach to um to romance for like the last few years was like eating out every day boy yeah that was my approach to to like after I had broke up with my ex-girlfriend like three fucking years ago I think over three and a half years ago like for a long time it was like well I I have discovered I like sex a lot and I'd like to do more of it but what will that require like what will I have to do to meet women and like be attractive and like flirt it's like probably gonna have to lose weight a little bit or like just change my appearance in some way which I don't even really need to do it just need to be more confident myself but like I definitely have to go out like there's no way I can meet women without going out and like putting myself out there and I was like man I don't want to have to do that like I want to sit around and make videos all day like that's where my passion is and like until I've changed some things about my life I don't want to rush into that and I think that's kind of what Tom was talking about like that feeling of you will have to make sacrifices sometimes to get what you want but like maybe you don't want to make those particular sacrifices right now I mean yeah and it's about working smart not working hard when it comes to all things including this and like just as you were saying before like yeah like we approach these things in different ways like my whole goal the reason that I've started doing any of this shit was because I wanted to be a meme on 4chan that is my long-term end game goal to be a posted meme on 4chan that's what this has all been for everything else is just filler until that happens I think it's working it's slowly getting there there's a couple threads I've seen I've seen the images of worst guy ever pop up and whatnot and uh it's it's good it's like I like how that's your end goal and I did that without even wanting to or trying to how'd you do oh that's right because you were like the your Mexican Christian bail dot jpeg yeah that's right that's right and wasn't your picture used for like some like fake thing fake fake what was that profile yeah yes oh it was like it was like the brony dating uh profile or something or like the nerd loser profile something like that oh man do something incredible yeah so that's really good it's good to know that I'm living your dream but I can tell you yeah someone on the other side not all it's cracked up to be I understand I understand but but I don't like a dream to be means I've also lived that dream it's the doc not been great for me either well but but it's for like like I am I am one of them you know and and that attitude comes forth in my thing so like I I mean the goal is to not be there as like a loser that everyone hates the goal would be as just like either a funny meme man or someone who's generally liked like the way they post them I think I don't know any ways hash like slash our guy if they actually let them post a celeb stuff there yeah it's quite possible yeah uh like v is more open to discussing e celebs even though everyone says I think you will get popular on v before a even though you I agree talk about it I agree well v is closet a anyway as we all know that is very uh but what I wanted to say uh just just changing topic slightly is that like this idea of like defining ourselves like an adage comes to mind with this whole conversation that I I don't know if it's an exact quote from someone but it's it's like you are what you do often at least to other people and to a large part to yourself as well so like if you and confidence has so much to do with self identity and like who we think we are what we think we're capable of so like if you just like did you know we you know and I was saying before like because we do this thing all the time like but make podcasts or whatever it is an basically an effortless thing to do and it could be enjoyable and whatnot it's so effortless and we're so confident that we drown out everyone else on the podcast yeah unfortunately yeah it's not it's not effortless for me let me tell you it's it's uh it's mostly because there isn't like a very clear format structure for this like are we talking about our experiences with confidence we're just sort of if anybody wants to break in with anything you go right ahead like do you realize that your earliest convenience if you have an interesting thought on confidence I mean I'm very confident that your idea will be fun well it's interesting because my confidence level is basically zero I'm like the anti-confidence and I mean I'm sure all of you guys are pretty well aware of that at this point um I I'm depressed and I want to kill myself like that's me that's my confidence level like negative seven so but why tom where does that stem from you know I don't I don't know I wish I knew I think I think about it constantly and the reason I wanted to be on this episode because I wanted to get enlightened by your brilliant knowledge of how to not I mean here's the interesting thing about about that I always growing up thought I was a pretty un charismatic person and a pretty pretty shy guy and the time when I really mixed that up was after like I broke up with my college girlfriend as I've talked about it at great length before and then I went to Japan and it was just a great time and I had a lot of fun and like I forcefully broke myself out of my shell and during that time and afterward like I I did a lot of research about like the pickup community which is how I like channeled my energy and like learned about I don't know I learned about a life learned a lot about life a lot about socialization just a lot of things just through this vehicle that forced me to like go out and explore things because the only way to do this shit is to actually leave your house and and fucking mix it up and see what happens and like and that is like when I stopped doing that when I was just like home a couple years later after I finished my schooling more or less and I was just like at home had no money couldn't go out couldn't like do anything that all diminished that all diminished greatly but what what it finally has taken the turn around the corner and I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here of this whole journey is like becoming I guess an independent content creator at this point and just like finding something that I really enjoy doing that seems like it's going to work out long term probably and just the the sense of of joy that gives me every day knowing that I'm on a path that will emancipate me from my corporate slavehood and slavery I guess is the correct noun there for you grammar folks out there and uh yeah like I know my my confidence I feel like the majority of my confidence comes from wait wait I'm finishing my point I'm finishing my last okay last sentence it was a final sentence okay okay make your funny joke okay no no whatever oh I didn't realize you were cutting in for a goof I was cutting in to say my pit my bit but if you really have to finish then no finish go please well it's gonna start a story I was gonna start my little confidence story is more interesting than Nate just have the confidence to tell Nate to shut the fuck up it did just a real one of us has to let's be fine I'll do it after hippo okay yes hippo go ahead with you all right I have um like confidence for me has always been like a problem like I was a little shy boy I never really could talk to anyone but I've had like small victories here and there in kind of pointless things that doesn't really don't don't really match to everyone or anyone but are like relatable and one of those was like I I always used to look at my feet when I walked home from school and then I heard or realized that only losers do that you gotta look up because everyone else is always looking up when I look up from my looking at my shoes um so I'm walking home and then I decide okay I don't want to look at people so I'm just gonna do the opposite I'm gonna look up at the clouds and I really like that it's very strange and and like people like why why is that guy looking up but it's really nice and much nicer to look at than I fucking do that too and it also gives me confidence and for me it was because sorry I usually look at the ground when I walk and identify money so there we go hey there you go I actually do that because fucking the megatocchio comic the webcomic there was a part taking me back there was some real edgy dialogue at one point where there's this one like goth girl character and she was like walking on telephone wires and she was saying like someone was like aren't you afraid somebody's gonna see you and she was like oh most people don't have the courage to look up or something like that and like I was like whoa deep so like I started like always looking up because I had always looked at the ground when I walk so I started looking up and like somehow just like seeing more of the world and like it gives you more confidence specifically because the main reason I do look down is that I'm always worried I'm gonna fucking trip over myself and eat shit so I'm always kind of like watching where I walk but when you're like deliberately not watching where you're walking you're like yeah I'm I'm fucking incapable of walking dude I'm a fucking badass like huge but yeah that was like that was like phase one of like my learning to walk cool and then later I decided you know what I am going to look forward like a like a like a normal person and I'm not gonna look away first so whenever anybody glances at me they always look away and I was like I was doing that for a very long time I was like yeah yeah I I own this this sight line this this horizon this is mine get out you know you really figured out how to walk from the ground up which inspired the legendary Foo Fighters song walk based on Hippocrates legendary walk performance I like it too okay there we go how confident of you yeah I just wanted to sort of quickly address what what Tom said about like the confidence and not figuring out like he's so like confidence like I feel like I lack confidence too most of the time though sometimes I feel like I have just enough of it just to function but like what I figured out these are just my new things they're probably not the truths of the world but um like that should be the tagline of this podcast by the way yeah that's true it would end a lot of our comment wars that happened just clarified that at the start of each episode yeah it's just like when you see other people be successful and do things like you only see what you know they want you to see because most of people usually just share what they're good at what they're confident about how they succeed in life and but when you're with you you know you spend most of the time with yourself you get to see all your flaws all your struggles or all your down times all your down moments like imagine spending exact amount of time with another person wouldn't you start hating that person just like of course them and their worst as well as their best and just like they're always there and you just I totally say something about the person you live with mage here this is a universal human constant no no no I love him I'm with you mage I'm totally with you on this he's a great cash potato I love him no this is why after rad con I hate all of you because we spent too much time I mean kind of distance makes the heart grow fond of my dude there's no doubt about it yeah and it's just like you live with yourself and you ended like hitting yourself it's just something you kind of need to get over or just acknowledge well I mean just quickly because you strive for success a lot of people do strive for success and they feel like you know they're not doing enough they're not getting enough and something I've decided to think about like just accept that like not everyone is meant to have their name in the books you know like a lot of thousands of hundreds millions billions of people die and no one will ever remember them even even the people who fought in the wars and stuff they're just a statistic at best and maybe I'm not meant to make the books you know and that's fine you know I'm just going to make the most of what I can with my little life that I have and then when it's done you see it's interesting that you bring that up because I think about that all the time in this in this kind of back and forth I have mentally is that is that is that because there's people who vouch for either side like some people say like you have to make these big goals and never stop growing that's the most important thing then there are other people who say like carve out your niche that you're comfortable with and like you know do small things every time and I'm always like which is correct well like as our okay here here's my objective utilitarian standard the one that's coming the one that's correct is is the one that maximizes human development like we need to calculate that and find it out which generally we know that everything is like that's fine as your opinion but it's not objectively better because as we all know this universe is going to die one day and none of it matters well yeah from that perspective like human growth we don't need nihilism and utilitarianism in the same podcast but what I did want to make a point just about tom sentiment like I just wanted the reason I was like telling my story was because like there was a there was a time in my life when I like really tried to gain that kind of like raw confidence that is described before and then like I kind of like gave up on that for a while due to circumstances but whatever and like and the stuff that I have now is like the second type of just based on like skill and just doing repetitive actions that like like when I'm hanging out with digi like who's the one who calls the pizza man because the other's too much of a coward to speak to another man on the phone it's it's me it's me you know like this is okay I am willing to call pizza guy but if anyone else will do it then they can do it right and also there's the either you picking up the phone when the internet is at this point what is the value of the view we've had circumstances where we had to but like uh what a nightmare what a nightmare um talking to people on phones is like the worst I used to I used to literally not be able to pick up my phone because yeah yeah till that till that to your dad who uh fucking stormed Normandy on d-day and the funny thing about what a nightmare calling someone for order in a fucking pizza you fucking millennials you make me god damn sick to my stomach I gotta say one of the things that's made me more confident over time is just like growing older and more impatient because like I hate talking on the phone a whole lot but one day I got so sick of me texting people and having to wait for their response that I was like I'm just gonna call people every time and now I do and it just is so much fucking easier like I don't like I kind of approach it with like an aggression I think that's another way to be confident actually is to approach things like if you don't if it's not something you feel confident in just approach it like you're fighting dude that rule of aggression is exactly what George Costanza uses he's like when he's at his desk in Seinfeld he's like if you look annoyed people assume you're busy it's exactly the same law being applied here I used to talking to people on phone out of necessity because I had to make a lot of phone calls to the doctor and stuff so but see that's the thing necessity like it's just an action you had to do and it probably increased yeah I mean a lot of the time a lot of the time things like talking to people on the phone isn't necessary and for things like pieces it's kind of better to use the internet because there's less chance that they can hear something wrong it is a good skill to have we live in the world it is definitely a good skill to have and I can do it fine you know when when a bank card like like fucking fails uh or something something where it's hard to get in in touch with them via their stupid internet crap I will go and call the phone I was like all right you you better be fucking you're fucking better at that than I am then because I still haven't called the IRS and I've owed them a thousand dollars for like four months now I don't know why and I just need to call them and it's too much of a pain but like and I have gotten a lot better at it just by taking the approach of like get as angry as possible that you have to do this and that will be what like just do it in rage like do you know like if I have to call my mom because she won't fucking answer my texts that I just be like motherfucker I'm calling you know it's funny you mentioned that because I just I just I just finished watching the the the Netflix Punisher series and there's a line in there he's just like he like this guy he's with is like afraid to go do this like fucking mission with him and and he says he says a line that pisses him off then he gets all upset and marches out and then he just is like huh pissed off beats fear every time yeah just like in Terminator 3 when I learned that uh but it was interesting what you said did you about how like old people like get more of this like angry confidence you're saying and I think it's because the older you get the more time that you've spent alive on this planet I think the more entitled you get to being alive and you know the more attached you get to this corporeal existence you know what I mean I kind of know what you mean but I don't know what you're saying in the right way like they're more entitled to the amount of knowledge that they've amassed over their long life span it's like think about a baby you need to learn things are just like more a baby a baby you know that already a baby is the ultimate popcorn nihilist because it's been so little of its time alive as opposed to dead you know you know I'm talking about I I am not talking I blame this entirely on patience it's a matter of okay how many times in my life am I gonna wait all day like that's that's where it comes from for me it's like how many times in my life am I gonna wait on somebody to text me when like when that happens for the fifth time I can't fucking take it anymore like that's where the aggression from for me it sucks for me because I have really good patience that does suck for you that's true my patience gets slimmer and slimmer like every day and I mean I I if I decide to be patient about something I can be like if I um like if I know my girlfriend's like she works till five right and it's like okay uh she probably won't be home till six I can very patiently like not go to eat until she gets home like that's fine I know I because I know the schedule I know when I'm expecting the person to be there it's different if it's like I can't get a hold like let's say you guys were trying to message me to come on the podcast today like um you'll notice that Nate you've probably seen me do this like I'm always the first to say just call that motherfucker like if uh like if Ben's late I'll be like call him because it just resolves it so much faster like you can sit there and text them absolutely you can wait you can be like oh I don't want to bother him no bother him like that'll get him on the fucking podcast you know so like I just at some point in my life I have to go like how many times am I gonna wait for the guy to show up you know I couldn't agree more no more times than I have so far I am I have a kind of tangential well it's not really it's just a different topic um emails I I have learned to to say fuck it when it comes to emails especially like important ones because um it's it's it's always like for me it was always like oh they said hi uh and then my name should I say hi as well or should I mix it up and say hey or is that too informal you know like you think about like all the wrong things like you might like offend them because you don't really know people who you're emailing if they're on skype you know them a bit better if they're on discord or whatever if their email is just sort of like a little bit more like oh it's it's still kind of like letters like I have to say uh all the best or you know best wishes at the end like I don't know what fuck it just put it at I don't care what I say like I don't have to look over it again send and then it's fine it's always fine if you just send it before doing any adjustments that's true this podcast is really fascinating me because it's making me realize the way I deal with so many different scenarios because I get a sick like perverse joy out of sending like really curt informal emails to like like magic style shit like people send me like like hi uh Conrad you know Collins or whatever then they like give like a three paragraph thing and like a signature at the end it's like formatted and I'll respond with like yeah that's cool send me the paperwork like like literally just one sentence like no introduction or anything of just like yeah sure you know I've literally responded to like ad offers with like sure sounds good you know and it's the funny you know why why not why not yeah I don't talk that way too yeah exactly they want you to advertise for them they don't care what how you respond to your fucking email you know of course of course it's really fun I don't know I guess I have no problem with like talking on the phone or an email or anything like that mine's always in person because in person I'm like what do I do with the flesh pump that I'm in charge of I I I I've realized I am I'm much better um on the internet than I am as a human being true but like even in live things like on podcasts and stuff where I'm like basically I'm a real person it's it talking one on one it's very difficult yeah I still have trouble making eye contact when I'm talking to people that's I don't do that like ever I never make eye contact I think it's weirder to make eye unless it's like a really intense conversation it's how you stare right into their eyes exactly eye contact is how you establish dominance and you break their fucking will but I I I was always like a really shy boy and I was always like I really got to learn how to do all this stuff but I was really bad you know I never really tried that hard but every sort of thing where it's like you know most people are like oh yeah why would you even try that why would you look in someone's eye like this is just weird I think of that as like I like gaining XP by the as the the longer I look into the into the eyes of the other person it's like I'm gaining XP and eventually I'll level up and it won't be a big deal anymore even though it's kind of unnecessary but it's like yeah I see all those sort of things like that and it's because it's because staring in someone's eyes has been it was a biological sign of challenge between males biologically speaking and it still retains that that instinct is biologically coded into us to look someone in the eye indicates that you are like saying that I am your equal I am you know it like it expresses confidence in a sort of challenging way so to do that you have to like sort of face the fire of of contacting this person's personality directly and saying I will not back down and so it's kind of like sparring you know social sparring Todd it's just rude to not make eye contact so I try to make a little bit by contact every now and then like to indicate yes I am listening to you person I am paying attention oh that's the way to do it I think here's a little like a thing about me I'm not sure if you guys have it looking does anyone has this because I have this and it's really annoying like I look at people's mouths when they talk because if I don't see them talking I have hard like I have trouble hearing them sometimes that's really weird I think I've experienced that I hate man fucking watching like videos I do where it's me and some other person watching myself as a fucking nightmare because I never look yeah I'm always like kind of half glancing at them and then looking away or looking into space and like you can see on my face that I'm like just preparing to say my next thing and not that's really paying attention to what they're saying and I fucking hate watching myself on those but like I hate listening to myself I've gotten so used to listening to myself I could never hate no doubt no doubt I wanted to talk about how I how I gained confidence which it's interesting because how I gained confidence is something that also happened to Tom so it's interesting that I gained it and he didn't yeah which was becoming brony famous and and also oh I forgot I actually think I can probably you can tell sorry but I think I already have an answer of why it worked for you and not for me and I also skipped over this this thing I was going to respond to something hippo said about being easier to talk to people or harder to talk to people offline for me it's all depends on if I have an in like it's very easy for me to talk to people if there's any one thing that connects us and if there's not it's impossible like if it's just someone in like a store or like someone around like even if I like really want to say something to them I cannot unless they give me an in like that's why it's I'm really social at like cons because I know those people know who I am you know so like it's really easy for me to like have in-depth conversations with random people at conventions as long as there's that in but um brony con 2013 was like a huge coming out of the shell moment for me because like I'd been someone who struggled with conversation my whole life and never really had many friends throughout all the school you know like I never really talked to anybody unless they told me first but like going to that convention and having like literally 70 people come up to me and ask for like an autograph and then like speaking in front of a room of people totally unscripted unplanned we were up all night we'd been kicked out of our hotel we were like dying and like we get a fucking like we get like standing room only the thunderous applause people telling us we did a great job and I'm just like I mean this is as raw as it gets like this is if you enjoyed me in like my purest unfiltered form then like I you know I know I can do it like I know I can be I know that I can be confident in myself because I know that even at my like lowest level of being able to put on a panel people still had fun at it and people for the sake of our presence you know for the sake of our viewers there and and people looking into the subject would you say that it was more of an intellectual understanding that led you to that or was it the visceral experience of having that happen the visceral experience for sure it like intellectually I've always known that like confidence is you know like I I know about the the pickup artist stuff where they're like just go up to women and talk to them and it's like what the fuck are you talking about the cold approach you know the cold approach is one of the most challenging things for any human being to do and like so you know I've never been someone who can walk into other people and start a conversation but so many people walked up to me and started a conversation at that convention and worse and and nobody seemed to come away upset like nobody talked to me that guy is a piece of shit or something or like and I mean I definitely have had tons of awkward interactions at conventions especially at my first few where I was even more awkward and people would come up to me and like say hi on like day three and I'm dead tired I have nothing to say and they're like hey did you I really like your content and I'm like thanks and then they kind of like linger and I'm like okay bye you know like now I've gotten into where I fucking stormed through a convention all this was me at crunchy relax boat drunk the whole time storming through the halls like people come up dude your digi bro don't like yeah bro give him a high five and I just keep going like you rock thanks for subscribing like you know you just got to have that like swagger about it like like just that I mean that's pure confidence right there like just feeling like people are enjoying my presence and I only know that because I'm at this convention people are confirming it when I'm out and about I feel like everyone is disgusted with me and like I don't belong anywhere I am but uh but like I've through going to so many conventions I have learned to really get over that a lot like it used to be a huge problem I'd go to Barnes and Noble in my fucking pajama pants and my fucking robe and I would feel like everyone here is looking at me and they all hate me and they're all disgusted I used to always worry when I was on the manga aisle that if any like anime fans saw me there they would think like oh great like of course I'd find this guy in the manga aisle like this is what represents us anime fans and now I go in there and I'm like yeah this is what represents you anime fans you're a bunch of fucking losers like just like me you fucking I belong here this is what you should all look like you know so I've had that kind of reversal and it's it's helped a lot man like that's why I go out so much that's why I go out to eat all the time now like it's really helped me to get out and and enjoy life a lot more to like not constantly feel like I'm fucking don't belong anywhere I am you know which I used to constantly feel I think you it's it's weird because my bro like I guess it was because I wasn't hosting my own panel at brony con when I went but like every interaction I had was awkward and I felt like less confident because I performed badly in the podcast I like I remember swearing accidentally I was like oh shit I've that was funny we all it was I guess it was funny but I I don't remember saying much of like stuff I mean it's and then afterwards people came up to everyone I was like you know a few people came up to me and said cool and I was like yeah I would say it was very different between those because like the brony con 2013 experience like um no one had known who I was before that like it was I was brand new I had just taken off like I had never thought that I would be big none of the other famous people knew who I was I was just hanging out with Tom and kind of like he knew a lot of brony famous people so I was following him around and meeting all these people none of them knew who it was and like so for me it was that very individual experience it was like just me it wasn't nobody was coming up to me because they saw the horseshoe crew you know they were coming up to me because they saw me and I think for right for you you know by the time it was brony con number three and you're just kind of in with the pack and like there's less of that like personal you know expedition that would make it like that you know which is it's unfortunate in a way um like I think you could have had that if you'd been walking around on your own more like maybe more people would have come up to just you and wanted to just be oh you're my favorite it's just a numbers game you know like um yeah I feel like if I had been at brony con by myself um it would have been it would have forced me like if I had what because I didn't want to walk around by myself because all of you that were there and I was like I don't know anything about anything and I I'm gonna die so I'm in America first time in America as well so I have to I wanted to stay tethered to at least one person from the group but of course if I'm with someone else it's like there's a reason for me to not go out on my own and if I was on my own somebody talked to me it might have been good I don't know I it's it's difficult that also contributed like that was far from my first convention and all the cons I'd gone to before I went with my older cousin and like usually hung out with him the whole time or hung out with Victor like that was the first con where like Victor and Shade were there but they were just kind of like tag alongs to me and it was like it was really my like I was the guy leading the pack you know and it's definitely a different feeling when you're like the one making all the decisions you're the one saying like hey let's go to this restaurant hey let's go here like that builds the confidence as well and if you're always putting yourself I mean it's it's basically alpha you know like if you're putting yourself in an alpha position it gives you more confidence because you you kind of see yourself doing it you see yourself like having made a plan and executed it and you go I can do that you know I don't need to follow my cousin who's older than me like I can do it myself and yeah all that's a big so much of this just comes from performing the actions like you said you perform it you you recognize in yourself you identify like as someone who can do these things and then when like a situation comes up in a similar way later on you just look back at your experience and say I have done this maybe you've done it many times it all builds up and you just feel you know empowered that there have been times when I've like been able to just walk around in a city by myself and look at stuff like there was this one time in college we had like a trip to Florence in Italy and it was like you know we're supposed to go go around and draw stuff in the in the fucking art galleries and shit and in between like the draw on the Mona Lisa that would be excellent please thank you not even fucking there you idiot oh no but in between you know it was it was like the first time where it's like a school trip but you don't have to stay with the pack in between like stuff like lunchtime hey you can just go meet here back here at this time I was like oh yeah I can just go and I didn't really have any friends in that class that I wanted to stick around with so I just ended up wandering the city streets and looking at stuff and I bought a vinyl record and and and it was cool well and I went into a restaurant and all the pasta and sat by myself and ate it and I left and I didn't leave a tip because fuck that hippo I think you and I like view this stuff in a very similar way like with the exp meter kind of thing like it very much is like yeah you're just working till you level up and it's less of a problem and I definitely like try to put myself in situations where I will have to be confident to succeed and the biggest one for me was this fucking year taking a trip around the country and that was like a huge leap because I was a guy who was like afraid to drive like I would never drive drove on the interstate for like years I just drove in like I was so afraid of getting into accidents I had no confidence in myself as a driver I hated long-distance trips and it was only because I was literally forced to take the drive to Atlanta when me and Ben and DeVue went because Victor was supposed to do it but he ended up having work and like because I had to do it and like I experienced it and realized it was not that bad like it was a nine-hour drive but which sounds fucking insane but like I did it and it was fine and I was like oh like this has totally changed my perspective on road tripping on traveling and everything and so I was like I could do this all the time and so like I spent two months over the summer just driving to people's houses and hanging out and it really broadened my perspective on like the world like I don't feel constrained to any place anymore like I don't feel like a guy who lives in a town because you've done it it's part of your world experience now it all over you know I want to share a story okay go for it dude yeah it's just a quick story about me being a social weenie this was like seven or so years ago so I hope I'm better than that but yeah so back when I was still a college there used to be like this shop that sell like really cool like game related things like cards and stuff and like table top games and stuff and they also sold plushies of whatever was popular and it just so happened they were selling like pokemon plushies it was like sniveeta pig and ashawad the fuck ashawad and hey I'm sorry hey do you say Auschwitz Auschwitz is that well that's much more disappointing than right it can't be Auschwitz because that's the water type fire type any who any so like they were selling those plushies and I really wanted to get them or the problem was that the the store was actually really really small and like there was a table in in the very middle of the of the small of the store and there were always people playing some sort of game there and me being the little scaredy major I was I didn't want to go in because as soon as you go in everyone's immediately gonna look up at you and I didn't want people looking at me just trying to browse games and stuff and so but I really wanted the plushies so I ended up circling that store like several days I think on one they were always they're playing the game and I was like well I need to go into the store but there's always people they're playing those darn games so I decided okay tomorrow tomorrow no matter what I'm gonna go in and get those damn plushies and never gonna come back if I don't need to and okay so I came back the next day and just so you have it they had some sort of like meeting or convention and whatever it like the place was fucking packed oh no usually like three or four people that's kind of good though you can get lost in the crowd that way right kind of like I thought yeah okay okay okay don't panic no one's gonna notice you just slip in get the plushies pay for them Nate you're forgetting the crucial part here though mage is a girl in a game store oh no no there were actually a few girls I think they were like well thank god decoys you're saying but yeah but yeah like so I walked into the store I got the plushies and I go to the counter and lucky me there's no one tending the counter so I had to I had to wait I had to stand there and wait until someone like it goes up like they I don't know who the cashier was so I had to wait for them and while I was waiting someone noticed me and they were like hey are you waiting to buy something and I'm like yeah and then they yelled loudly hey whatever your face is there's a customer and then everyone looked at me that's the worst possible oh that's right come on you can deal with these right right okay well I got the plushies though that story is so prescient to me because and this is also a part of what I was saying before about like just getting like impatient and fed up because like that exact scenario aside from the twist ending like has happened to me so many times growing up where I wouldn't like there's so many things I wanted to buy and didn't just because I felt uncomfortable in the place like I didn't want to walk over to that side of the store because there were too many people over there oftentimes playing a game like you described and like or just the shop owner seemed like like they wouldn't want me there or something like there's just all kinds of shit there's so many excuses I came up with like like that and then at some point I got so sick of never getting what I wanted that like yeah I was like I just have like I don't even care if they think I'm a fucking mongoloid like I gotta get the shit I need to get because how many times am I gonna go through going to because I go to stores all the time and I feel uncomfortable all the time so I mean just like yeah that's totally a thing when like when you hit the wall honestly I this is kind of like arbitrary because like I don't believe in free will and all this stuff I don't really think any of us like make our we're just we're slaves to the machinery of our brain right who cares listen here's the point I'm trying to talk about this this this really cool moment that's happened actually no I had a thing about shops fuck this idea that you have to be nice to the shop cashier it's impossible and I've never been able to do it I can't say hello how are you doing I can't say you know something about me I guess they frown they just frown at me like like I'm supposed they just hate their lives dude yeah I mean it's not a cashier it's the worst like the person who comes before me says you know they don't say anything but then the person smiles and says hello how are you doing and they say oh it's great I'm gonna give you my life story how the credit card beat and then I come up to them and they just don't say anything I'm like why don't you say hello to me do I have to do you am I scary what am I doing wrong fuck you and I kill them the answer is yes the same thing happens to me and the answer is yes you're scary I think that's what it is for me anyway because like it's I experienced that I'm like I just I just look like I don't want to be here and I look like I want to mention never talking to cashiers because one of the things I do sometimes to try and like build confidence is like talk to cashiers because like we have this whole like ritual of like hey how you like you know how are you doing and like fine how are you good like that's just how like the beginning of the interaction goes sometimes when I'm trying to like do something more confident I'll I'll I'll deviate from the script and see what happens because I remember I was oh it's really good I went to uh to the cashier and I just I just bought some like some drinks or something and they're like hey how you doing I'm like I'm kind of tired yeah and they told me what to do and it turned into a conversation we just had a conversation for like five minutes as they checked me out and then like I was like all right there you go I'm so glad you feel that way and I feel the opposite of how most people do because like when a cashier asks me a follow-up question I get excited because I'm like oh human interaction and like most of the people I know complain like we'll leave the store and they're like what the fuck did they ask me so many questions and I'm like no man I just want to know someone cares about they've they've literally been a substitute for a robot arm that entire day because they're just grabbing your stuff and running it across the scanner it's they're just as desperate for an actual genuine interaction as you are at that point true when I went to England like I was startled by how everyone was nice and polite like I walked into the store one like this is like the very first times I was like with my mom we were walking and we walked into a store and and the cashier like we weren't even by the register yet we were just browsing around and the cashier was like hi hello welcome to the store and I'm like internally like holy shit you know what I may jump just curious about this was uh Lithuania part of the eastern block was it part of the Soviet Union it was so was it a communist state under that under that government under that rule do you know I'm just curious because because it seems to me that communism in general seems to like make it so that those like like every person working in a communist state isn't working for themselves so like every customer becomes a burden and an annoyance as opposed to in capitalism when like a customer that's where like the customer's always right thing comes in and like you have to be nice to them or I'd like you you want to because they're the point who help you make your money yeah rude I don't know what you're talking about I don't know I'm just just wondering anything to do with that oh yeah they were part of the ussr and stuff but okay well perhaps perhaps that's relevant but I was gonna say about uh the the oh god I totally blanked god what this is this is slightly this is less about confidence but like do any of you guys like yeah sort of slowly start to view like store clerks and stuff as like characters in your like like people or are you develop like some kind of weird connection like unspoken connection to them oh oh okay hold on quickly sorry to cut you off that reminds me quickly um so like uh when I go shopping for food and stuff uh actually me and my boyfriend we use the the self-checkout thing however it's like a female voice and like um I named her Clara because like you know you clear the items okay okay and like and like when she when she's the depressing version of what I was talking Claire Claire is great because she never judges me when I buy Doritos and marshmallows and shit no we have fun though like me and my boyfriend like when she says like wait please pick up items me and my boyfriend go like no should have Claire I'm everyone in this call aside from mage will have been to the Wawa by my house yes and I went there like every day often several times a day so like I knew like I don't know any of them but I know everyone who works there like I know who like I've seen them enough times and like because I would usually go at like four in the morning there's this one this sweet little old black lady who worked there every fucking morning like she worked the graveyard she was like the night shift manager I think and like so when I went to check out it was always her and like she obviously recognizes me you know like we don't have many interactions but like if I suddenly trim my whole fucking beard off after a year of growing it she might be like oh you lost the beard and I'll be like yeah you know and I I don't know even though our interactions were that limited I felt like really connected to her to the point that I was like really sad to leave that Wawa like that was the one thing I felt like I was gonna miss in Virginia Beach is like man all these Wawa guys are not gonna know why I thought about saying something I thought about saying that one of them like hey I'm gonna be moving soon like you won't see me anymore just in case you should have done that that would have been like a total huge XP boost for that like a whole other level I didn't have the confidence to think that they would know who I was enough to give a fuck that'd be so funny wouldn't that be hilarious if you went in there like I just want to let you know like I'm moving I've always loved you I've always loved you and they're gonna be like who the fuck are you dearest beloved Wawa well because the way my mind works is that if if for instance one of them had stopped showing up one day I would assume they were dead so I just don't want them to think I'm dead you know like I would probably like think the same things to tell Shane to pass the note on I can't um I can't really understand that because I don't think I've seen like I think of cashiers as like procedurally generated I don't think I've seen a cashier twice like they just are I mean really because I don't go into the same stores I went into that Wawa literally every day for like six years so like that's why you notice that much before I started recognizing them like consistently so sometimes when when the Klara's being a bitch we have a Klara's being a bitch we need we need extra help and like um oh this one time I think three or four days in a row she was being a bitch so we needed extra help and it was always the same lady and it was like in the dead of night like I don't know 2 to 3 a.m. and it was it's kind of fun though like seeing seeing her like come up and it's like oh hey it's you guys again they're like yeah we're having troubles Klara's being a bitch dude uh when there's this girl at my Kroger and my local Kroger that we have kind of me and my girlfriend have developed a kind of narrative about and it was it was fascinating because one day I've seen this girl a couple times we were we were there checking out just buying some food or whatever and like we needed her to come over and scan something and like she she she did it for us and I was like oh thanks no response she like does her like scanning thing uh she just and I'm like yeah sorry sorry for the you know make you do this no response not not a word and like she turns to face me she does not make eye contact of course and like the the unbelievable exaggerated cartoonish like frown upon her face the biggest I've ever seen in my life just just it making me imagine you know like that that that uh that homestuck panel I linked to my twitter earlier today like the incredibly massive frowns it looked exactly like that I have never seen a frown of that magnitude and like I was like oh my god what what is her story what brought her to this lowly point in her life to be like just so desperate and and sad I mean there's nothing wrong with her working at Kroger but like the sadness as she fucking performs her mundane tasks here at her job just incredibly depressing uh but then but then I we happened to go back the other day and we saw her again and she helped us in that exact same way only this time she was like a thousand times more like cheery and I'm like what did she maybe did it like her boyfriend break up with her on that day like what what's the story here dad did her she got evicted on that day what is the narrative here I really dying to know she has binary emotions yeah happy and sad but by the way though I did want to share another little anecdote here and it's just that people think that I'm really confident but but I really want to really want to like stick to this thing that like people are confident at what they do a lot and like I argue and yell about stuff on the internet a lot so I'm pretty good at that but at my job at my at my much discussed uh programming job when I'm walking up to the coffee maker and I see people standing around there who I don't know specifically even if I do know them I am it is quite common to me do a 360 degree turn and walk the fuck away just like right to face them again you moron that's the joke you fool I anticipated that and I've outsmarted you again uh yeah like I will literally do an about face and just like walk and pretend that I never wanted that coffee anyway and no no thank you sir I've got other things to do I've been there just to avoid like having to make conversation with these people that I have no interest in and also I'm always worried at my job that I'm like not doing good enough that I'm not meeting the expectation which is completely different from like my like my youtube style work where I know I'm on top of things I care I give a shit I'm interested in doing it uh as opposed to uh that that job where I don't give a fuck and want to get away ideally with as little work as possible and you know make everybody happy and whatnot but I just want to do my work and get the fuck out of there so I can come home and do this shit you know um I I have a thing that I'm not sure whether people also feel this way so I'll be interested to know if you guys have felt this way um I I especially like in school when it's like um you know encouragement to to get involved I hate it when I'm shy and I'm trying to think okay I've got to I've got to psych myself up to do this thing or I maybe I should put my hand up or or maybe I should do this thing and and then somebody notices or assumes that I'm having trouble and they sort of slyly like create an opportunity for me and then I suddenly don't want to do it because they've just sort of like you know so what about you what do you think and I'm like I was I was thinking like that 10 minutes of how I should like I want to do it I want to be the guy who who who does the the confident thing I don't need your help and now I don't I don't know it's sort of like a like a a nagging mother thing sort of like now that you've told me to do something I'm not going I know exactly how you feel yep they're trying to be nice and I I appreciate it especially like on this podcast when it used to happen um but a lot of the time it's just sort of like you know it gets me flustered because I wasn't thinking I wasn't expecting that and I was trying to think when to come in like when they assume that you have something to say and you don't actually and then they you know pause and draw attention to you and I'm like you know that's when you can meme though that's when your meme potential is at its peak you got to be ready to spring a choice meme that you've been cultivating uh that's you gotta you got to work on that mage that's a weird count on you for it he has me a time were you making a point there were you um I've been trying to like sneak in a point for some time so I guess I got I got two things first I wanted to go back and say like why I think did you was able to cultivate his confidence that oh yes um I think I think it goes back to what you were saying a little bit too Nate about how was it the fact that in your ship he was the top and you were the bottom was that the issue for you I'm just wondering I think I was always the bottom he was actually true I think that's he was he was always bottom for something which is funny cognitive dissonance for you of not identifying as a top I guess so it shattered yourself perception okay please no I think the reason that that didn't give me the confidence that it gave Digi is because it goes back to what you were saying earlier about how you you gain confidence by becoming uh financially and like critically successful at something you wanted to do and Digi did too I never wanted to do YouTube it's something I just fell into oh right so I was I was succeeding at a facade as opposed to something I actually wanted to do and like the actual that's how I feel about like my job like my corporate job I like don't care and it doesn't give me any confidence and that's why that always felt like it jobs me and the thing that I've wanted to do all my life I've never been able to do or succeed at I hear where you're coming from dude that's a good point like it's interesting because like I don't know how to like segue into this like nicely but I I'm just gonna go for it is that uh being part of the PCP definitely hurts my confidence like for sure yeah how is that possible we talked about that a lot because it gives you it gives you a measurable structure like a social structure and I'm at the bottom of that I make the least amount of money I have the least amount of fans at this point in terms of people who actually care about my contributions so it gives you like a measuring stick and it gives you a very concrete surrounding of people in I'm not making that much money but you do have a lot of subs though so that's something that's nice you got the you got the views mage you got the towers a big table too mage technically is like way less subs than tom right tom has got like 56k or something no mage has like 55 or 56 or something it's those animation thing yeah yeah well that's interesting that is definitely an interesting point and you're I see where you're coming from I think it's funny though our stickers are like the bottom I mean you got you you make you've got more well I was gonna say you got more money and subs than munchie but he's like 16 so it's probably not a huge confidence he's in a different category he's in the kitty pcp pool at the moment munchie's the weenie hut juniors of ha ha ha exactly exactly more subs than money than like divu and hippo well not maybe not more money than hippo but I don't know well I don't know we don't we don't actually discuss like our finance is really like I I think it's interesting that you focus on those things as opposed to I mean you also are the I think the real problem is that you are the unhappiest in the pcp more so than the actual but why is he like if tom was making money and like was able to do what he wanted like he probably be sure if he was able to do what he wanted and make money I think the problem because it wasn't always the case that tom was making the least money and had the least subs like that was not the case when the horseshoe crew was a thing certainly right he was the second biggest of us but it wasn't doing something he wanted to do you know right so it's yeah it's more I think it's more a problem of like like if I had all these subs and all this money and I was like man I fucking hate YouTube then you probably wouldn't be as like you know like as readily going like oh man I wish I was like had had the confidence digi has like you know yeah I mean you've got a guy for example you've got a guy like Jesse for example who like has said many times he's great frustrations with YouTube and his hatred of the platform but like he's a man who was already someone who would beat up like a 15 year old in the movie theater so like he is he already had his shit you know worked out on this front and also with Jesse it's just that I feel like all of us are kind of so in awe of his talent like regardless of whether he's successful we would still kind of look up to him you know in certain some ways absolutely like for me despite the fact that I'm more successful than him like I will always view him as a better content creator than me because I just think he's better you know like so you know even if even if I'm the person who seems like oh obviously he's the enviable one he's got all the money and and all the all the fans like to me I still like envy the talent that Jesse has well you know like I I in no way in no way mean to like diminish your experience or your opinions on this at all Tom but like I very much felt like when I restarted best guy ever I don't know if the PCP actually exists that happened like a little bit later I think that we made the PCP but like yeah doing that obviously was very difficult for me like I knew that I kind of needed to do it if I wanted to like go on and make content and like I remember I think about this sometimes I was really keeping in mind Digi's phrase of like man when you've got 2000 subs you're doing something very right that that's stuck with me over the years for some reason I don't know why but in any case like I oh just if you want to cut in yeah yeah just to talk about like why I got so much confidence so early doing this is because I was failing at this for seven fucking years right you know like and that's the part I think a lot of people forget because like I didn't start as a youtuber I started as an anime blogger and my anime blogger was my name a blog was never popular like not even among the standards of anime blogs at a time when that was a thing you could succeed at you know like and a big part of that is because I was fucking you know I started it when I was 15 like I was young as fuck doing a lot of this I have a like I've matured greatly as a writer but like all that time I was taking it just seriously like I was still like the amount of failure that someone who's like 26 feels when they've been doing it for two years and they haven't had any success I still felt that way when I was 17 and not having a success obviously there's a magnitude of difference if it's if you're older and you see younger people doing it that affects it as well you know that also like can hurt your confidence even more but like there was a seven year period where I thought no one will ever read my shit because it's too weird like I don't write mainstream enough stuff I don't approach things in a mainstream enough way that people will ever watch my content and so for me and I've said this before like I literally got 200 views on my first brony video and that was enough to make me like this is the future like 200 because 200 views was greater than I'd ever had on anything you know yeah that's like so me 200 views like this insane amount and now people look at that like it's literally nothing like people are like oh if you got less but people look at like a thousand views like it's nothing and I'm like nah dude like 2000 views is better than the whole first seven years of my writing career you know like that's a fucking full gigantic auditorium or something you know you think about in those terms yeah exactly it's a fucking lot of people and like so for me when I saw 200 I went like oh this is the future like imagine if I could get a thousand oh my god like and I didn't realize how hard it was to actually like make money through ad revenue like I right right I think that a lot of smaller channels who I thought were making money off of it weren't like uh and then I later learned like oh you got to be a lot bigger than I thought to like for this to be profitable but luckily I right you know caught a windfall like that's like right at the moment that it was a good idea to be on YouTube is when I got so it's like very lucky but um you know for me it was just such a huge confidence moves to have even a modicum of success after all the failure I'd had that uh that also helped me that's an interesting point with with regards to like comparing yourself to to other members of the procrastinators like I understand like it like there's elements of every procrastinator that I envy you know like like I devout devout is like like mind brain and then and then munchies like think brain two completely different types of like weird brain that I wish I had like the ability I know exactly what you mean I envy munchies radicalism like his abilities radical go for it like I can't do that I can't just scream in public and I wish I could because I yeah so so it's like um like I I know uh it's it's it's weird because I have like struggled with like comparing myself to people who are better or younger and better or younger and the same uh in skill level and feeling like oh man fuck um but I I think I'd gotten over it at some point and I don't know how and I don't know why I mean it's really important to be proportional and like keep perspective about these things because like you know it'd be considering we live in this world where we have contact with like literally every person on like Twitter like you can actually talk to like I don't know fucking Donald Trump president of America if you want to you can message the man but like you can compare yourself in terms like a 15 year old kid a 15 year old uh like 90 pound soaking wet baby weakling could like say like oh man what the fuck am I doing uh Arnold's up there at like a 300 pound golden god what the fuck am I doing down here when it's like well of course you're not that guy you have something in like 20 years lifting fucking world too yeah like I lately I've been um I've been getting over that in a big way like because I it used to bother me back when I was like 23 that like a lot of the rappers I liked were like my age or younger and I was like how can they be so much more talented than me um and then like right now I've gotten really into Post Malone because uh he's uh he's got a couple of really great songs and he's also on the h3 podcast all the time because he's good friends with Ethan and I'm fucking obsessed with that podcast right now um but post Malone's 21 he's got like three mega hits now he's rich 21 now wow okay currently 21 she's got three mega big hits he's uh you know he's a mainstream success I hear him on the fucking radio every day so because I listen to the radio for some reason and and I watch him on h3 podcast and I get really excited because he's like he seems like a really interesting smart dude and I can look at him and say okay the amount of shit he did by the time he was 21 like he just was doing better than me like he was putting on like he was part of a metal band that was doing shows back in his in high school he was putting together internet videos he had like people he worked with he just put more effort into his craft than I did by the time he was 21 and like he's the kind of guy who like yeah there's obviously a huge element of luck like he just happened to get like a song retweeted by the right people and he had the right connections and he blew up on soundcloud and like there's a lot of luck involved but that dude was better at what he was doing by the time he's 21 because he was smarter at 21 than I was like I listened to this dude talk and I go I couldn't have said that when I was fucking 21 like I'm just not as good as like and that's that's normal like of course in this insanely vast world there's gonna be a hell of a lot of people who were better at 21 than you were just be proud of how much better you were than most of the other 21 year olds and to make that like an obtainable or like a like a useful maxim here it's like I think it's important for anybody once you start to reflect on how people are doing better than you that's an important moment of self reflection and you can let that overwhelm you if you're a weak coward who's not willing to like face that reality down and accept it but the thing to realize is that even if you're like a fucking 55 year old man and you're just realizing this shit now you cannot change the past but what you can do is take a real hard look at where you are in life right now and start to make mature rational decisions about how to get where you want to go using the tools at your disposal it's pointless to get upset to people who are younger than you and who have done better and been more successful whatever all you can do is recognize that you have control over things happening right now and I know this is just an intellectual point that won't matter to a lot of people and it's useless I don't know I don't know whether it has to be like a rational decision like you can just say fuck it I'll just try something and see what happens like at that point well that's part of what I'm saying I either or like if you you can either like plan it out or you can go for it and at that age you know well like if your decision is just like something instead of trying nothing that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying is a much better use because like like obviously trying starting stuff later is harder to get good and stuff like if you're a kid and you learn a skill you'll be great at that skill by the age of 12 you start at like five because that's when you're you're you know your baby muscles are growing and and flexing and like you're you're made of plasticine or whatever and yeah so like um it's it is harder to do it but it's um but it's either that or give up you know try give up that's all you can do I I don't like motivational quotes because I feel like they do or do not just like that one well yeah like um yeah I'm trying not to like sound like a motivational speaker when I'm saying uh you just do it haha Nike like it you don't want to sound like a motivational speaker while you're speaking about motivation there's there's that phrase and then also like it's mostly because like motivational speakers generally I feel like um never actually say anything like like yeah it's a bunch of bullshit like I made a video about this a while ago a vlog where it's like it feels like it's like a temporary boost where it makes people feel like they might be able to do something and then 10 minutes later they're like I can't do it because they didn't get any actual like information on what to do and that's their responsibility is is just like when you hit a boost in Mario Kart you get ahead for a little bit and you feel more confident but then you get red shelled and like there's no fucking point anymore like you are dead you are gonna yeah but you just gotta keep driving you gotta keep trying trying to try to hit every boost yeah just need that bit of a push to you know reach the goal you know sometimes not always like I personally don't don't like general speeches like like uh on twitter or whatever people like post hey remember whoever you are you're beautiful today inside and out or something I hate that shit so much I yeah it devalues the times when you actually are you know yeah also also like I know that I'm not pretty today I'd like maybe I just woke up I haven't come here and I'm still like you know groggy and like I have bags under my eyes well actually I have dark circles under my eyes rather than bags when I'm tired yeah I feel gross and this is like twitter posts just like hey remember you're beautiful and I'm just like very like cynical I think that's the word I'm just like no I'm not fuck off well I think I think I understand why like some people some people might need that because they never feel good about themselves but like if you're somebody who's capable of recognizing the difference like yeah you shouldn't feel like it makes it more powerful when you have put an effort to like shit on yourself when you have it like there's a yeah I've known a lot of fat people who have like a really huge boogie is a good example of this he talked about this in the hd podcast that he's very against the healthy at any size thing um boogie the youtuber by the way but he doesn't know what I'm talking about boogie 2 and 98 of course he's about to get a uh a gastric bypass uh so that he can finally like he I believe he already did I think that podcast is pretty old so yeah that that's already happened I think people talked about losing weight well in any case he was talking about how like you know like if you are just confident in yourself while you're fat then like how will you you you need to lose that really not healthy at any size and like once you have done it like you get to feel that confidence like if I look like shit when I wake up and I and I look at myself and I go I'm beautiful then like I'm just gonna look like shit all day I guess this is why you know this is actually putting in the effort to make myself look good will give me the confidence you know this is why nobody can hate boogie boogie everyone loves boogie and it's for exactly these reasons but yes please mage go on I like um so I was having like a major health issues earlier in the year and a little bit before um during that time I lost quite a bit of weight due to the health issues and honestly like after after I recovered I had the surgery and whatever like I felt like like I haven't felt in such a long time I haven't depressed I felt more confident I felt like getting up and doing things like holy shit I got so super like I got I got shit done great that's fantastic yeah do you feel more confident yeah having done all that yeah yeah I definitely like like now it's coming back because I think it's seasonal depression but like during the summer and early autumn and stuff and right right and like late spring after the surgery like I haven't felt that good in such a long time and honestly I I don't want to attribute it all to like losing the weight but like something definitely changed like like noticeably so and I I I love it's worth taking note of it is not it is not bullshit to say that like health matters to one state of mind you know and and yeah I thought I was like just like I was so surprised how much of the difference it made like I always you know I was always told that you know you know it's healthier and I'm like yeah I know it's healthier and like I would like to do something about it and I try and and whatever like I never never realized how much of an impact it actually does like just remember everybody remember everybody fat shaming saves lives keep it up everybody we've got a duty to go up there not even just uh being fat but like fucking just being healthy is a huge confidence boost because you feel like you can fucking do things like I am a shit eater like I I don't eat very big proportions which is why I don't really gain weight but the stuff I eat is not good for me and like sure there's a lot there's a way too many days that I'm just sitting around bloated and I can't do anything because I I go out and I eat so like I eat a pound of grease and then I just fucking I sit on the couch and like I just like four hours of I don't really want to work my fucking stomach hurts look at the fucking ubermensch kasey nice dad is a is a monster man of fitness literally working fucking constantly because all he drinks his fruit shakes and he runs four miles a day yes mage quickly about like confidence and feeling better and whatnot like um there's also like a I noted a significant difference a lot of people have noted like if your surroundings are less cluttered and organized and clean oh yeah oh yeah it has an effect on your mood as also sunshine sunshine helps which is why you're right this is all real currently uh me and my girlfriend have been experiencing the same like manic depression like like even though we're both incredibly happy with each other like because we we kind of let our house get messy at the same rate and it's there's no fucking daylight anymore because we live in the north and it's right you know winter so like the sun goes down at fucking four and uh like we've both just been kind of like uh like very like low energy kind of rut and like just smoking pot all the time to to deal with it because like yeah it's it's hard to keep up with your environment it's hard when you don't have sun it's hard to like want to go do things when you don't have that fuck don't live here don't live in the north don't live where there's no sun because you will never want to go out because it's yeah it's dark by the time you have time move somewhere sunny lights on is a an okay substitution like what I'm doing personally to deal with this oh yeah I don't sit like I never I never fucking turn off the light bulb even when it's daytime it's it's always going to be like yellow in my room because of the light bulb I wish it was a brighter light bulb honestly but yeah like I never turn it off because I need the brightness otherwise I'm just gonna be sad I mean the human beings need like like why does one gain muscle it's a response to to pressure it's your body is coping with this issue the body needs challenges to like maintain itself and we live we are we are lucky enough to live in a time when so much of our lives have made incredibly easy and as a result like our bodies fucking degenerate and fall by the wayside and we ignore them we don't give a shit about them because like we're not we haven't cut up to the lifestyle yet we're not fully adapted to deal with this shit yet so you know everybody you got to take responsibility for your own shit manage your body manage your life you got to do this shit but changing the name of this podcast to bro science the podcast but that's all this podcast is these days I swear yeah you're not wrong incidentally team we've been going for quite a while here and I got a bunch of questions lined up oh how good I trolled through the whole fucking discord fan incredible page if you want to fucking get your questions read on the show become a patron of like anything you get access to the discord they ask questions we read mostly those occasionally a twitter one what's the twitter thing Nate what's the hashtag oh it is hashtag ask PCP of course yeah all right uh I got a couple of these are like burn throughs and a couple of them are real interesting so uh first let's go to burner yeah I want to know I I feel like none of us might have something to say about this or maybe one will uh me cool man asks how important is clothing slash fashion in your life increasingly so not at all yeah okay no okay if somebody I mean the thing is like you got to understand is that I stay at home or I go work in an abandoned building where no one's around so like I have no reason to even try like I shower very rarely I don't comb my hair I don't do shit because no one's there no one's there to even know that I smell like a fucking like pile of shit so it's just like why if why even bother when I go if the climate allowed it I would wear just shorts and nothing else short to the comfy and easy to wear but seriously I love them they're great when I go outside of the house I try to look presentable like nothing people would stare at basically you know I don't want to be scared at what I'm she had no thought gentlemen but when I'm inside I just I just I just wrap myself in in my uh Cheeto scented robe and just I mean sit around in whatever oh it's it's good in in winter because like you can wear a coat and doesn't really matter what you're wearing underneath you know coat okay but in summer you're like oh uh watch t-shirt do I wear this is important now people can see it they can see my body I like t-shirts because they're comfortable but I also don't like going outside in just a t-shirt because now people can see my arms is that bad I don't like people it's it's just a it's just a weird thing like once I once I you know do it like like um I used to never like uh not wearing socks like people would go out in summer uh they to the park and they would have sandals on or something and I you know I I wore socks with sandals because I didn't I didn't like the idea of not wearing badass um I didn't like the idea of not wearing socks and uh oh yeah here's the thing I for one for a long time for a long time I only had this one pair of brown shoes and brown shoes do not look good with shorts I wore these to brony con and they looked terrible and I looked like a fucking silly boy um wearing my my brown shoes with my shorts um and uh get some get some trainers please everybody should get at least a pair of trainers so that they don't have brown shoes with shorts I wear socks with sandals all the time and I think it's anybody who says you shouldn't is just like full of shit um but I it's like the whole pizza pineapple thing it's just a meme at this point well look my metric for how successful what I'm dressed as is is does my girlfriend think I'm hot because that's the only thing that matters like I don't have to impress anybody else I have to tell you but she'll think you're hot no matter what you look like that is not a good standard to use that's why I just dress in whatever I want because like I mean who why else would I dress up like who am I trying to impress other than first society first society at large who in society needs to be impressed with well okay there was a real thing where people like to look nice because it just makes them feel good they feel you know happy and confident I feel I feel better um I like to exert my dominance on the world like I enjoy the feeling that like when we go to a fancy restaurant like a really nice one and I'm in pajama pants I feel like a god because everyone else the reason everyone else in there is dressed nice is that they had to dress nice to get that money like you had to probably work yes well think about a simplification I think like the kind of job you would have to work to make a lot of money and be able to to afford this food would probably require you to dress nice right like most jobs that pay well you have to dress nice I'm making the kind of money that lets me eat in this restaurant and I show up in fucking pajamas because I also made that money wearing fucking pajamas so that makes me feel like a fucking god you know I get your point I get your point I like the idea of like not caring about what because I don't really care about what I wear when I go out it's just um I've had I've had history of caring a lot and I've just sort of gotten rid of that slowly and um like you know if I if I like the the way I feel when I go outside then that's all I need I hear you I see myself as like a slightly understated version of like a soundcloud rapper like most because like when you see like famous people especially musicians like when they're out in public they're always fucking they got like face tattoos and like weird dreads and like all kinds of shit and it's just because they're like yeah they made their money looking that way like that's the culture they're representing and like that's what people resonate with and so that's what they're gonna look like all the time I hear what you're saying did you but you do in your in your profession here have the freedom to look like whatever you want you know you could you could dress and shoot and tie like our hero report of the week if you chose to and uh you know but I I just wouldn't I don't think it would match my content really like if you say so I think the style I have is very much about like embracing this personal self-image and like you know I'm a guy who wears pajamas and sunglasses and doors and uh an anime shirts and like that's what I'm comfortable with and I think I look okay and I think it matches the style that I'm doing if I was in a suit it would be fucking weird like well that's what they said about report of the week and then he became the greatest youtuber of all time so yeah but he he also has my hair and he's like no I never heard of him holy shit okay well he's he's he's the whole he's the wholesome suit man yeah he's the he's the fast food reviewer who wears the suit and tie and uh you know you never know this guy no he he he did a review of a store bought water if if h3 reviews him or has him on a show that I'll know who he is just okay look at just look at this picture let's just take a second here and look at this picture I'm looking right now there okay this this this guy doesn't look familiar at all to you it's weird looking I yes he is yes he is but he's a legend all right well whatever okay we don't need to do all right next question um I like this one from giffy he asks do you think we should tell children that santa is real or rip the band-aid off early and follow up from anti matter tape do you think we should tell christians that god is real or rip off the band-aid oh that's good those are both very similar that's that's a that's a very smart both of them from birth they're both you think so I actually I feel differently here's what I think I can definitely lie to my kids I think what I want to teach my kids is uh santa's not real but they should play along yeah that's definitely what I want to teach them that they are smarter than all the other kids in their class and they should pretend to be dumb so they can fit in and so they can manipulate people I just think I just think this is this is just a cycle of just like horrible uh mental damage we do in the world as we treat kids with these these special like soft gloves we like pull our punches we tell them the world's full of magic and and great things and then like you hit a certain age like actually no everything sucks and now you're a part of it I mean you're entirely right that is how we teach children but the facts of the matter are children are not fully rational beings the way that adults are they cannot be expected to behave you know as logical operators the way that we at least expect adults to of course not you have to there has to be a you need to teach kids but you don't need to teach them the wrong things okay okay guys keep in mind that like kids consume a lot of media nowadays and like when christmas rolls around they're gonna see a lot of Santa clauses everywhere so it's gonna like can I can I have a random aside here for a second where they are not gonna believe you over the media so I mean how many kids how many kids like believe in like I feel like you would learn it's not real really fucking young now with the internet you know like maybe how many kids are out there who don't figure it out immediately well I mean this is a question of like intent should you lie to your kids is like the real right here's that my problem with that question okay is that I have no idea why anyone cares because I don't see the ramifications of like oh no my world is fucking falling up no kid has ever done that that's true no kid has become depressed because Santa wasn't real unless they're actually autistic in which case you should just keep telling them that I quite clearly remember a moment where like my mom accidentally dropped the bomb that the Easter Bunny wasn't real and then after that I extrapolated and realized like holy shit none of this shit's fucking what the fuck like I remember that happening to me but like looking back on that happened in reverse for me because I remember my mom actually told me about this at one point when I was like older about the story of how I found out Santa wasn't real because I asked her about it and I grilled her for a little bit she's like you know what it's not real whoa and and I was just like okay and then the part that I remember that was funny is that she said she's like she distinctly remembered I walked away a couple steps and I turned around and looked her again and I'm just like a bunny and she's like no it's not really there that's good I I just can't like I don't see to me it's like I want my kids to know as much shit as possible as fast as possible and like I don't see the point of like that's important I don't see the point of I do I think this information for four years and then being like oh by the way I was lying about that and they just be like oh okay why why did you tell me it was real in the first place like I don't know I I I'd want my kids to know a lot of stuff but Santa is like I like Christmas it's a joy it's like it's like a it's it's a happy time and it's like it's cool like I remember this one memory of coming down to see the the presents under the tree and there was like fake snow and it wasn't there the day before and I was like oh my god it snowed indoors I had no idea what I couldn't tell I was just like oh that's cool this this throws a wrench into my idea that maybe it's not real because this actual snow the thing about Santa that that irks me I on its face I actually don't see a lot of problem with the idea of like telling kids about like a fake man who brings them presents I think that's a cute story and I generally like it but what I do not like is the way that it is a tool to control the behavior of children by telling them that only if they're good then they'll get presents and then we'll get cola that I do not like I really dislike that just the idea of like I love Christmas and I'm the biggest atheist you'll ever fucking meet I'm an anti-theist I hate God I will kill that man when I meet him like it's I love the Christmas tree I love the community spirit I love being around my family I love just the warm vibes and cinnamon floating through the air and an apple cider and an eggnog and family holy shit it's I love my family a lot but we're all very cynical about Christmas dude we need to do a fucking Christmas PCP that's a great idea that's a great idea I'm signing up right now live on the podcast yeah that's a fantastic idea surprise surprise I'm gonna go to visit my family oh that's right oh I don't mean on Christmas I'm gonna if you do it next week I'm gonna be at work on Christmas so really just like I was I work every holiday for no extra pay no extra pay what do you whoa how can they get away with no extra pay if you saw the conditions of the building that I worked in you'd be like how is it legal to work there it probably isn't like I mean legally I thought you're supposed to get paid a half I mean don't you work under the table or something isn't that the arrangement no he just he the guy owns half the town so if I tried to do anything he would just like crush me so there's nothing I can do about it well Merry Christmas everyone yeah literally working for Mr. Scrooge you'll be the tiny you'll be tiny Tim coming to his door and you'll be fucking wasting away it's tiny it's tiny Tom even though he's gigantic yeah that's great it's not talking about what you think it's talking about let me let me just clear that up right now okay let me just say a huge cock about the sand about the sand issue I have yet to fully grapple with the the moral implications of teaching my children about like the control over them that Santa has but I think that it's a very cute story about a man bringing presents to children all over the world and I love Christmas in general and the tree and all that shit so I don't know why you have to re-clarify all that I felt like it is why Chiaro asks a question from age what are your art ambitions what are you doing with the draw pencil and stuff yeah I was like this is a really heavy question the question is what's what's your end game age what's your end game I don't have an ending game I never had a beginning game I just picked up a pencil one day and I doodle and I was like I like this and I continue doing this and I'm still doing it that's that's great man you want to know why because you can't fail it's impossible to fail whatever you do is just good that's the opposite of me I just want to be like have a cult following I want to have tons of money and like be able to live by myself and not be fucked with all this like employment shit so there's there's a high there's a high skill ceiling for that first high skill floor I should say I just thought I keep improving for no real reason other than being better than I was well that's nice mage aren't you uh doing a comic at the moment yeah yeah I am this sounds like okay all right let's let's not make crafty it's just oh wait guys I have a great question our great a great pity question from our people on the on the on the twitter here the ask pcp folks all right you're all gonna like this I think at xg upload asks would you kill someone if you could get away with it and I think I know the answer everyone's going to give the answer is yes without a doubt without a doubt there are plenty of people and don't be wrong I know like I am not generally in favor of killing I don't think it's anything I could do under normal circumstances but there's like a couple of people who if I could kill them I'd get it and get away with it I'd fucking do I feel like I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for murdering what about like a mass murder like if you got like a death note situation and you know about like some mass murder from like the african you know rape gangs or whatever I mean it's a nice idea to think I wouldn't be affected by having killed oh I see but but I likely would even if it was a mass murder it'd be like oh I'm just as bad as him like it would it would hold me okay even if I got no killer all head of personal spite just my life I mean I'm also imagining that I'm doing it with a box cutter for some reason okay all right so that would be more traumatic I I I think I mean yeah I wouldn't why should I reward these people with the sweet embrace of death let them suffer through life like the rest of us well maybe you could kill like your best friend you know as an act of mercy that that's the thing to do you know spare spare Tom from this cruel embrace of life you know I was about to say if I was gonna kill anybody I'd finally have the confidence to kill myself indeed alright uh antimatter tape this is actually kind of a difficult question because I want to take it as an absolute antimatter tape asks what's the one thing you've always wanted to be able to do yet you've never pursued playing piano drawing making good videos etc and I want to emphasize never pursued like I can't say drawing because I've tried to draw um my answer is building stuff like I've always had like I always kind of look up to like people who are like um like carpenters and stuff like that like people who could just are good with their hands because I'm not at all and like in the rare instances where I have to like build a piece of furniture I feel like oh man I'm doing like what I'm supposed to do it's like a man you know like the hyper masculine idea that like we are here to build shit and like I'm generally not handy and I wish I was but I've never really pursued it because it takes time to learn I sort of feel this way about car stuff like I like people I respect people a lot who like know about car stuff because it's knowledge that is very useful in our current modern lives like cars are like the biggest thing we depend on that are incredibly complicated machines and if you just at least understand the fundamentals of how they work like what a radiator is how the engine works the various belts and stuff then you can like not panic like I do when something goes wrong and you're like afraid to look into it and so you would put it off for months uh yeah that's me real quick to follow up on what I said like what makes me the most jealous is fucking when Casey Neistat when he like wants to make some new prop or something and he just fucking builds it immediately because he's got like all those tools and he's got all this equipment and he just he just knows how to build things and like his one of his mottos is like there's two kinds of people uh in this world people who make things with their hands of people who don't and I'm like I'm one of the people who don't yeah well does editing videos count probably not probably not uh uh okay well anybody else well I'm I'm trying to think because like never pursued is like I pursued like in some small way everything I want to get good at yeah like I've tried I've tried cooking before I've tried I've tried learning languages before I don't know like I don't think of one thing I have an answer for this okay I don't I don't know if did she's gonna say it doesn't count uh but my my answer is um getting good at math I I love the idea of math I think it's very like a useful skill but I'm just so fucking retarded like like I can't do math math is a fucking math is a foreign language from a country I don't I've never heard the name of to me it's you know I just I would if I could I just I want to I want to so bad because it's like the coolest shit ever yeah but I just I'm too dumb too dumb cool it's cool go to watch number file he's all right okay so like I'm I'm not sure if it counts never pursuing um but like singing like oh back in school when we were required to have like song lessons and stuff like that I there was also like a little choir thingy that people could join um like usually the teacher would pick and like I asked if I could be on it and my teacher said my voice wasn't good enough and that's the end of that lol got him does that count as that should be the person you fucking murder you know mage I actually feel quite similarly um it's just the only difference I think here is that like I I mean I have done some singing but like I really want to like become maybe sort of professional level at singing like I'd really like to spend some serious time improving the way I sing so I could for me it's like I'm living in this torment because like I sometimes have these really wonderful awesome vivid dreams where I can actually sing and my like and it's not just like I can sing my voice is like so fucking beautiful that I belt out like a melody and like I literally stop wars with my voice stop that's just dreaming macross yeah that's what I was gonna say exactly yeah yeah dreaming what macross or river tech it's like that's the plot is that a girl like stops alien wars with her singing okay I did not know that but it's great you should basically so I have like this feeling like dude imagine if that was Gabe with his guitar instead in macross wouldn't that would be across seven where it's a guy with the guitar listen to my song the excellent firebomber yeah basically 21st century digital like a song second side and I just I just want to sing like sometimes when I was younger I would just like sing to myself when no one knows that I'm doing a very quiet voice so no one would hear me sing I don't I don't have an ear for it I'm not good at singing and it can be learned though it can be learned with hard work generally yeah I just I wish I'm actually quite inspired recently my my girlfriend was telling me that like markiplier recently like spent some serious time improving his voice to become a good singer and for what I hear he has dramatically improved and this gives me great confidence well he already had a great he had a good he has a good speaking voice and his singing voice was good but he has certainly he has worked on and honed it into a great voice and I don't know I feel like if you already have a great like speaking voice and you speak every day that you I mean Nate's getting good at singing is not going to be Nate has all of those things so that's what he's saying exactly so I can have confidence I can improve in a serious way like the name is already the best one of the better singers I even like you're better than me and I consider myself a competent singer I got a new song coming up pretty soon everybody you can you can look forward to that definitely can become a good singer speaking and singing as like part of the same talent because some people are like talented voice actors but they can't sing for shit yeah Tara strong for example you know what I mean what I mean is the a lot of a lot of the singing is just being able to say things really loud because that's what singing is and if you're not good at talking loud it's going to be more difficult to sing I was more like thinking of like like I'm not even saying words I'm just like making melody with my voice so I'm just like you know one yeah one sound but like I change it up to make a melody out of it like being able to do that that would be like the best thing I does anyone want to comment on this because there's actually someone posted a question on the Twitter that's kind of a just an update to the other question I had I had one one of my oh a question to this question no no this was to a previous one so yeah please finish your point and then I just want to add this well I thought of what I wanted to do but never pursued is start a band yeah because playing guitar is fucking easy but the baton family band is renowned across the land I mean I mean for their breakout album Hillary Hillary yeah that was that was fun but like like starting a band is is is so much more like social and you have to go out and play in clubs and what and you look at people and listen to people and go up and talk to people and say hey uh I'm gonna you want to join my band like it's the sort of thing you can only really do in school I pursued that it's like I I missed the boat and then I try I didn't even think about trying to do it outside I was just like I guess I'll just learn guitar yeah I I am so amazed that any band ever like like that they do he's because like yeah I you know I was uh I was friends with a ton of musicians in high school and like we they had a fucking band like there was this band called the fridayers and it was because they practiced on friday it was my friend Marcus on bass Brandon Tolentino on guitar this guy named Arne on lead guitar and this dude named uh I don't remember the fucking drummer's name I barely met him uh Herbert and like and they wanted me to sing for them and I sang for them at one show but like even though they were all talented except for Marcus he couldn't play play bass for shit but like both the guitarists were really good and the drummer was uh as good as he needed to be and I am a competent singer and I had written like lyrics I wrote songs for these guys they just wouldn't fucking practice or get organized at all like there was just no desire to organize themselves even though we like literally had songs that were good like just from like coming up with like riffs and me being like that's a good riff play that one for eight bars this riff for eight bars and I'll sing this over it and that'll be a song and they just wouldn't like do that and it's like this is impossible I don't know how it cannot it's tragic to me that you cannot inspire in people like a will to drive or create or like you just you gotta have that literally that's all it would have taken like all the talent was there the songs were there all it would have taken is people sitting down for like two hours I I once met a man I once met a man named Ben Saint and as much as I tried to tell him he could be cool he could be cool if he just applied himself he just wouldn't listen and and here we are everybody all right what was that like part of that is like I kind of want to to learn all the instruments myself but recording is recording it's tough man it's tough recording is the worst the the clack like what do you call the drums the percussion oh oh yeah metronome like like even with having that and you know doing all the things I set it up like hundreds of times not hundreds of times but like I I try over and over again and it never I can never play in time with recordings of myself and it always pisses me off and all I really need to do is just go to YouTube and type in drum beats so that I have that sure but I just I just don't care yeah that's the thing I want to I want drummers I want a drummer to be there to do the thing all right Nate what was that follow up so I got a great question I want to get to oh yeah it's really just this is a follow up to the would you kill someone if you could get away with it someone else right before that asked the question turbo cow 420 smoke me forgot him would you would you murder someone to get ahead in life and the answer is probably it depends on the person yeah I mean if it's a again the same guy who I'd kill if there were no consequences yeah also there were benefits the doubly watch out misty cronexia he's coming for you no no no no no problem with misty cronexia yeah all right here's a great fucking question um from cyprus should we poison children to calm them down or poison ourselves to not give a fuck you mean like with drugs I assume yeah that's what I'm assuming which I thought this was okay as a question as someone who recently started taking Adderall recreationally I will say I will not give my kids Adderall unless they like need it like unless they are unfunctional without it because and why why is this because it has a really fucking strong effect on you like it really changes the way you think and act and in a way that kids can't like make that decision like they can't tell like if that's helpful for them or not like even for me like the amount of I don't know man it really changes the way you think and like and act and like if my kids just kind of being a brat like a little bit then I don't I think it's like way overboard to like give them drugs like my feta beans you know I hear what you're saying my buddy who I who I took some classes with I remember one time like he just busted out like a couple pills of Adderall but like what he would do is he would just he would break them open and you see like the little tiny beads in the pills he would just take like like three of those of like the tiny ones and there's like a hundred within the pill I mean there's a lot of ways that it could be beneficial and like if if my kids seemed like they needed like I would give it to him but like I think it's so over prescribed and I know like some of my friends like are horribly depressed as adults because they feel like like like Adderall like ruined their life like because they were like too good as kids and now they're like made them into like a different person like my friend Mike was like a total spaz as a kid so they put him on Adderall and like it made him extremely anti-social he like he never he just never really knew how to communicate with people and he was so docile and he felt like he wasn't true to himself and he feels like he wasted the last like 10 years of his life yeah that sucks man like being someone else who he's not and like that's just a lot to fucking do to a kid flippantly like the way that our society does it and I'm like and again if I can just poison myself to not give a fuck then yeah hell yeah I'll take that root I love poisoning myself I want to be like I want to be the picture of Dorian Gray for my kid like like right he stays perfect and I just get uglier you know like oh I like that that's cool that's cool what a cool thought my solution is just not be around kids because fuck them yeah we need to send them all to a concentration camp where they can grow up to be perfect automations I'm just realizing this is a question that only me and Nate have probably thought about because we're the only ones with like plans to have kids in the oh my god saying you're fucking insane you know I mean I don't know I like the idea of having kids I are all crazy Vincent and Charlotte are going to transform the world everybody what are they gonna they're going to be a twin president gonna transform your world yeah I don't know if you're planning to have uh Vincent and Charlotte with Michelle but have you run those names by her and like gotten approval on I have got the contract signed in blood that these will be the names of our twins that are will be enforced that like brought up on an early date like by the way not that I want to have kids anytime soon but uh it will be a deal breaker if I can't name them Vincent and Charlotte if you do not produce me twin god twins uh it will be uh that'll be the end for you they have to literally be like Daenerys Targaryen and and Jamie Lannister exact that's what we're going for and they better be blonde even though neither of us are blind Jamie Lannister even though I said they are oh Daenerys okay okay I'm thinking of Cersei and Jamie that's what came to mind for me that also works but like I was thinking of Danny and her older brother but like they're like an insanely beautiful dragonborn children okay I'm with you on that um we have we have discussed it briefly and I think we it was just a meme because it is a meme for the most part not entirely a meme but I mean if she doesn't care then yeah I mean if they don't care then why not why not you know all right uh here's one that I don't even know if anybody will have an answer to but maybe someone magically does uh one spar asks are there any cool dead malls near any of you um there's a couple of cool live malls around me uh yeah if you go down if you look down the shoot there's a dead Darth Maul over there oh he died in episode one I get to read the whole question though because it was uh are there any cool dead malls near you like places that used to have open stores and people going in and out eating dip in dots ice cream of the future in the past yeah but now they're just empty sad graveyards of corporate history had to bring that up because uh Munchy was on a dip in dots tear like asking us a ton of questions about dip in dots and uh and and everybody joined in on that and that was where I cut off the questions because it's it's stop making sense it's funny to mention that because uh uh at the creationist museum that is my favorite thing in the world that is near where I live in Cincinnati it's in Kentucky across the border but uh there there were many like abandoned like the the creationist museum is still alive and kicking but the dip in dots stands are abandoned and decrepit which is like I don't know is that like indicative of like the future no listen to this here's the metaphor the future has died at the creationist museum and only the ancient archaic past knowledge lives on it's interesting that you say that because I went to Six Flags like a couple months ago and all the dip in dots places there were all abandoned too about the place being open and thriving our future is over there is no future for us all right there's a there's a there's one um semi maybe died by now this was a few years ago but like yeah maybe my sister and her boyfriend at the time we were trying to go see a movie but we related this one mall so we quickly went to this other mall uh that I haven't been before two before and it was like partially dead because there's only like a few stores open most of them were already closed even though it wasn't closing time they seem like permanently closed no one else was around and we went to the like the movies and were like oh shit we're late is the movie still going and they're like we can run the movie for you if you want because well so you're like the whoa weird that's interesting though deep level dead uh well I'll give one spar another chance because we didn't have that much of an answer to that but let's make this our last question by the way I think I've only got two more though okay we'll do two more we'll do one sparse next question pcp if any of you were given the opportunity to go back in time and prevent your real identities from being revealed to the internet essentially re-establishing your anonymity would you take it that is fascinating yes a fascinating question because I actually did that when I like made best guy ever uh yeah I'm in a sense so I feel like yeah but like now I'm like past it and it doesn't matter to me like like just how people will like bring up like oh look at digi brony MLP over here like no one can say like look at keg standard over here it's like who are you talking about what I can't I don't understand uh I'm lucky because everybody knows that I have to change my username and change my art style a little and no I don't know but that's your your your your corporate identity mage the lethal a raw mage brand is far reaching and well respected I'm just saying like no one knows my identity so this question oh I see what you mean that's why I was laughing a little bit okay mage just beat all of us I mean it's true I don't know tell me you go I was just gonna say I don't know if anyone I mean I guess some people know my identity but I don't like throw it out there or anything so I'm not too worried about it yeah this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because my identity is way too out there um you share a lot of information you know we all do but you especially too much um it's gotten weird and uh but like I can't imagine like I can't just imagine preventing my identity from being revealed because that would just mean like changing the whole nature like just yeah who you are is to do this is to like reveal yourself and do that so you know I have I have given a lot of consideration to disappearing and there are ways to do that and all you really got to do is ghost write or not you know like just all you got to do is kill yourself what was Jesse's idea for like the girl pony that he wanted to write for which is honestly like what sheep over is that's like what she over is you know I love sheep over new video today everybody fuck yeah I love it was good but it was good it's it's not as hard as I think people would imagine and I've kind of done this before I've made like blogs under different names and just like run it to a different audience and not told anybody it was me because I didn't want just because I didn't want my identity tied to it not even out of like any kind of fear I just wanted people to interpret the text differently like I didn't want them to think of it as something I wrote yeah remove the baggage yeah um I think anonymity is is a I really appreciate the theory behind 4chan like the idea that's why I love 4chan still yeah unfortunately like the theory doesn't like is in practice like not really that effective it draws out the like people are gonna cluster who want to say things that they cannot say in public so you get that too I have come to realize in recent times that I don't really like being famous I don't really like having my as much of myself out there as I do and I hope that in the future when my youtube thing kind of dwindles that I can just go straight for other people and and and get rich behind the scenes that would be beautiful I don't know how serious that was nice I crave attention like a dying thirsty man craves water and uh I will I think I'll continue to do this as long as I live now but perhaps when I get you know bigger I might decide that I don't like it and I don't like all the attention but for now I'm still going strong personally has has any but have any of you ever had like this weird thought of imagining like 30 years in our future we're gonna have all these like 60 and 70 year old vloggers yeah I think people are gonna change it will be the same at all I agree I don't think youtube is gonna survive like five more years and we're gonna have some weird paradigm I feel like that's gonna be a thing that still exists in some weird way like yeah oh man that's gonna be fucking odd uh all right one last easy question squid Miku asks what's your favorite strawberry thing minus strawberry milk I just had a delicious from PF Changs I got myself a um it was like a what was it called like a Vietnamese volcano cake which is just like a chocolate cake with some strawberries on top and other fruits and like came with vanilla ice cream and like what I love about strawberries the most is eating like other things especially like a chocolate cake with a strawberry in it just like the fruit of the strawberry it is divinely delectable like that meme where you see like the kaon meme of like the girl stealing the strawberry from a mio's cake and she like breaks into tears that's me if anyone takes my fucking strawberry it is the most delicious part it is fantastic so that that's my vote that's my vote um I like strawberry jam the most I uh like in jam strawberry jam donuts and sometimes on toast I don't know I like strawberry I don't have strawberry stuff that much I want to clarify that like strawberry looks like the only strawberry thing I like because I always grape and blueberry if there's an option like but why does strawberry have to be just because it's not as delicious as a blueberry or grape it could still be your favorite strawberry thing like I love strawberry frosted donuts as opposed to like those bullshit chocolate frosted donuts strawberry every time I love those they're they're a niche product but if the blueberry is an option I always blueberry well all right Tom and me skate mochi oh that sounds good mochi or mochi mochi mochi interesting I'm not sure like mochi seems like American like something Americans would say but I feel like you the proper pronunciation wait what what is this thing please describe the characteristics of this delicious food wait mochi is a japanese yeah that's what I'm asking is is it the round squishy like japanese food thing oh okay okay I see it could also be like called a different word which is like the sweeter version of it um it starts with a d dango dango no no no not dango um I don't remember right now it doesn't matter but yeah it's like for the westerners this usually just called mochi in restaurants and stuff okay what about caramelized salted strawberries that sounds delicious I want to make that and eat Tom what's your favorite strawberry thing I just like strawberry milkshakes oh we did we went to a sushi we would play pokemon go we had sushi the sushi was made of pokemon all right oh my god yeah we're done that's it yeah this is like no longer thanks for that extra important question did you really ran it on a positive strong note there just I just want to talk about your strawberry milk bullshit okay I'll have a one word answer all right okay good point everybody please go on over to patreon.com slash the procrastinators new bonus episode is out right now it is about inuyasha versus charlie brown we settle we settle the debate without we settle the debate at long last there's that and eight other bonus pcps we pledge $5 to the patreon immediately accessible to you and all your buddies uh uh there we've also got merch we got red bubble merch you got pcb logos and artwork and stuff you can get that on t-shirts and other types of things just go to the red bubble link in the description that shit yet I am seeing almost every day people are buying more shit holy shit yeah so you're getting good company people fucking pictures of you wearing it oh yeah great idea I'd love to see like how people use the stickers send anything you have bought from the pcp take it yeah on twitter quickly did you we need to eventually have a contest of some sort oh you have so right pcp merch oh that's a great idea mage yeah quickly I just want to say this like like pay attention to the stickers you'll see that some of them are facing in some directions and some of them are pointing to some directions like I had this idea of buying all the stickers am I arranging them and like making a line that like everyone's pointing or like facing at someone's and what are they pointing to where does it all lead what's the narrative what's the meta narrative behind these wow fascinating like like he felt he felt he placed a little tom and mage one to point to the power button on the on the pc I thought that was helpful how helpful yeah adorable I love it I want to I want to see people use the stickers I know and yeah send us questions send us pictures we will retweet them people you'll be famous on the internet uh also uh follow us on our twitter for all the updates and whatnot at tpcrastinators on the twitter and of course you're gonna want to be subbed to the channel in general for all the various content that comes out on the pcp but you already know that fam you're already a loyal subscriber I am sure so uh I think that's everything lester listing this on google player I to which you can do by searching for it procrastinators two words copyright and it's there all the episodes I'm so glad you're here to remind us about that time because I legitimately just don't remember because I don't think about but it is important I'm not trying to downplay I really have to start doing these ads in the middle of the episode as well like every other podcast does that's we should do it like we need some sponsorships we need some sponsorships guys when are we gonna get less than any podcast that I listen to what are we gonna get sponsored by casper mattresses that's what I'm really have been using one for years they need to sponsor us I love that are you serious because I was I've been listening to biggest problem and I keep mentioning them and I'm like I need a new mattress please send me a free mattress that was I literally used cast for mattresses oh wait did you did you before we go I know this is like totally like not something we should even ask on the podcast not but was was taking it out of the box as cool as they hyped it up on biggest problem because it's just that the box is so small and when the bank comes out you because you can't you literally could not get it back in there it's like vacuumed into the box so like it's uh it's not something that you could read you just like solve the one of the mysteries of my life for the past like dude I filmed an unboxing of it for patrons I can send you that video I need to know I need to let my carry I actually had a patreon goal of buying a bed I remember that we haven't ended yet yeah all right