 The Kraft Foods Company presents Wellard Waterman as the Great Gildersleeve. Great Gildersleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salad better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. According to an old song, every cloud has a silver lining. In the life of the Great Gildersleeve, the cloud is his bad tempered neighbor across the street, rumps and bullards. But the silver lining is Bullard's attractive sister Paula Wentworth. This evening, the water commissioner took Paula to a movie and now in the late quiet hours, the great man is bringing his lady home. After midnight, Rockmore, that was a long double feature. Yeah, Al parked here in your driveway behind your brother's car. Why didn't you just park in front of the house? Well, my mother always told me to be off the streets by midnight. Yeah, I thought we might shift and chat a lot. Well, he mustn't disturb Rumson. He'll park right under his window and you'll know how upset he gets if he's awakened. Well, we'll be quiet. I'll turn off the motor and he'll never know what he hears. There. Backfire. The water department will have to stop watering the gasoline. I think I'd better go into house talk, Morton. Paula, please. It's such a beautiful night. Well. It's the witching hour. Look at the romantic sky. If we stay here long enough, I may see a starfall and get a little wish. If you stay here long enough, you may see a shoefall from that window. No. Let's get some music on the radio. Softly. I can reach or find the button. Oh, you'd better not. Darn it. Touch the horn. You'll believe that you parked in my driveway. Yes. It's me, Mr. Bullard. Sorry I honked. That's all right. Honking is expected of a silly goose. Goose? Who else won't happen again? You go back to bed now. No, I'm staying here at the window until you go to bed. Thought, Morton, I must say goodnight. Yeah. We don't want him to catch cold. Well, it's been such a wonderful evening. I'm sorry it has to end. He doesn't have to end yet, Paula. We can sit here in the porch a minute. Well, I don't think we'd better. Why not? He's going back to bed. I have not. You all right? Good night, Paula. Good night, Talk Morton. I'll give you a jinkle tomorrow. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night, Mr. Bullard. Noisy neighbor. Slamming windows at this hour of the night. No consideration for other people. Now, just ease quietly out of the driveway. Eh, won't stop. This guy's giving me a lot of trouble. You up to sleep? Yes, Mr. Bullard. What are you doing now, mixing concrete? You know, I just trying to get my concrete. Yeah, I mean my car started. You'll see there's a geranium pot here on my windowsill. Oh, I'll give you 10 to get across the street. Let me out of this car. Now, see here, Bullard, you aren't going to frighten me. One, two. I have no intention of running across the street. Three, four, five. Bullard, don't you throw that. It's sitting there. Yeah, but why? Did you run out of gas, Auntie? You were going to run out of gas. Why didn't you have it happen at your reservoir? No, children, I didn't run out of gas. I just left it there because it was a little hard to start. I didn't want to disturb anybody. Excuse me. Yes, Birdie? How you stole that broken geranium pot got over here in the front yard. Geranium pot? It matches them over Mr. Bullard's house. Well, perhaps it fell out of his window. And bounced across the street? Well... Auntie, I thought I heard you and Mr. Bullard having words last night. He sure gives you a bad time, Uncle. Well, I guess he just resents my calling on his sister. I know how you can get even with him, Uncle. Marry her. Leeroy, don't be silly. Boy, well, he ain't to have you for a brother-in-law. Leeroy, I'm not going to marry anybody just to get even with Bullard. Besides, neither Paulin nor I have any idea of marriage. At least I haven't. Our relationship is purely platonic. Ha! Leeroy... Well, I don't think Mr. Bullard considers it purely platonic. No, ma'am. Watch this, Birdie. Mr. Bullard is afraid the wedding bells are going to start ringing. There's no basis for that, Birdie. Yes, sir. When he thinks about you two getting the knob tied, he's fit to be tied. Well, I'm not going to worry about it. No, sir, but he is. Well, let him. You ain't going to worry about it, Miss Kilsley. You bet I'm not. And Miss Margie ain't going to worry about it. Of course not. And Leeroy, he ain't going to worry about it. Heck no. And his birdie's going to worry about it. No, sir, but Mr. Bullard is. Because when he thinks about you two getting the knob tied, he's fit to be tied. Yes, yes. Well, I'd better go get my car, the Bullard's driveway. Oh, by the way, Auntie, when you go to town, would you mind taking my engagement ring to the jeweler's? Your engagement ring? What are you and Bronco going to do? Hock it to build your house? No, Leeroy. The stone's a little loose in the setting, Auntie, when you have it tightened. Sure. I'll take it to that fellow next door to P.V. He'll fix it in the jiffy. Hey, Mr. Bullard's trying to get his car out and you're blocking his driveway. Oh, well, good for me. Aren't you going to do something, Auntie? Oh, let him honk the big goose. Now what's he trying to do? I think he's trying to run right over your car. He's pushing you out into the street, Auntie. Well, by George, I'll put a stop to that. Let him go, aren't you? Old Carl said he's the river. Who are you talking about? Our family car. Bullard, what do you think you're doing? It's ten days, you'll just leave and I'm pushing one out into the street. Don't take that off him, huh? Kiss. Bullard, where are you pushing my car? I'm pushing it up on your lawn unless you get in and steer it. All right, I'll get in, but watch it. Are you ready, Guilincy? You're all set. Easy does it. Right up on my lawn. He's a hard man to like. He's not open yet. It was 9.30. Who does he think he is? Tiffany's? Well, I'll go next door to TV and wait until he opens. Want to go to sleep? What can I do for you this morning? You can fix me a coat, P.D. Yeah. I'm a little thirsty. Excuse me for mentioning it, Mr. Guilincy, but you've got your makeup on crooked this morning. Makeup? Look in the mirror. Oh, car grease on my nose. Getting nosy on cars, are you? I had a little trouble starting off, P.D. I had a little trouble with Rumson Bullard, too. He pushed me right off the sidewalk. Well, why didn't you push him back? Right, George. If I could have got going out and smacked him back all right. He left me sitting right on the lawn. You don't change. Knocked off my bumper guard. My, my, I didn't know you wore a bumper. I'm talking about the car and you know it. I'd leave my car parked in his driveway. Hmm, he wouldn't like that. You P.D., I had a date with his sister last night. He wouldn't like that, either. Well, I don't care whether he likes it or not. What Paula and I do is none of his business. I told him so. And he left me sitting on the lawn. All right, P.D., let's drop the subject. From now on, Bullard can go his way and Paula and I will go ours. You better get ready to go one way or the other. What does he see? I see Mr. Bullard pulling up out front, behind you, yelping. I'm in no mood to bump into him again this morning. I might lose my temper. He's not bad. The pharmacy has bandages. I've dined. Some club states find the lunch counter from Black Eyed. That'll do, P.D. Yeah, do me a favor. When the jeweler next door opens, get in this ring. I want the setting tightened. What kind of ring is this, Mr. Goudersfield? It's an engagement ring. What does it look like? Looks like an engagement ring. Yeah, I have to run now. You again? Yeah. And you again. Good morning, B.B. Hello, Mr. Bullard. B.B., give me a pound of my pipe tobacco and a carton of this. What's this? A diamond ring? An engagement ring. You mean you've started selling engagement rings? No, that belongs to Mr. Goudersfield. It does? He asked me to give it to the jeweler next door. It seems he wants the stone tightened. Oh, how'd they see that ring? Well, handle it carefully, Mr. Bullard. Those things are expensive. I know, I know. It's loose, all right. I bet this is the same ring Goudersfield has been offering girls for the past 20 years. It could be. Mr. Goudersfield has been eligible a long time. Well, he's not eligible around my house. P.B., did he say who he's giving it to? No, he didn't. Did he mention my sister Paula? Yeah, he did. Oh, no. What did he say, P.B.? Well, I guess it's no secret. He said you could go your way and he and your sister would go there. Oh, oh, did he? Why, that wall-eyed water buffalo. He can't give her an engagement ring. He can't marry my sister. Well, I wouldn't say that. Well, I suppose it could happen. In these days, when everything in the world's a little haywire, I suppose I could even draw Gilda's sleeve as a brother-in-law. Well, you could do worse. It isn't possible. P.B., I must do something about this. I don't know what I'll do yet, but I'll think of something. So don't tell Gilda's sleeve I know the awful truth. Yeah, yeah. But I'll break it up if I have to run that presumptuous water peddler out of town. Mr. Bullard. Gilda's sleeve, are you back? My car won't start again. Would you mind giving me a gentle push? I'll give you a push. Right into your reservoir! The great Gilda's sleeve will be back in just a minute. Here's an idea for an attractive, colorful salad your family will greet with enthusiasm. Arrange chilled orange and grapefruit sections, pinwheel style, on a bed of crispy lettuce. Put a bright red maraschino cherry in the center of the pinwheel, and, this is important, serve with miracle whip salad dressing. Miracle whip will give that salad an irresistible flavor. Yes, miracle whip is delicious. It has a flavor that's lively and teasing, a flavor that most folks call just exactly right. And it's a flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing because miracle whip is actually a different kind of salad dressing. Miracle whip is made from a secret craft recipe that combines the very best qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise. And craft blends miracle whip a very special way to give this salad dressing perfect satin smoothness. Treat your family to colorful, attractive salads often, and make them more delicious than ever with America's favorite salad dressing, miracle whip. Get a jar tomorrow. There's only one miracle whip salad dressing, and it's made only by craft. Be sure you see the name miracle whip on the jar you buy. The irascible Rumson Bullard always suspects the worst of his neighbor, the great Gillisley. The worst he has ever suspected is that the water commissioner plans to give his sister an engagement ring. Mr. Bullard has worked himself into such a state that he's enlisted the aid of his lawyer, Judge Hooker. Is the water commissioner in? In my office, Judge. Come in. Oh, there you are, Gillis. Where's your office force? Floyd and Lubby. I don't call them much of a force around the office. They're still working for you, aren't they? Yeah, still working hard, running up and down stairs for coffee. May I sit down? Certainly. Why so formal? Well, this is business. I'm here in the interest of my client. Your client? Rumson Bullard. Of course, I'm not supposed to be here. It's a secret. But in view of our long-standing friendship, I think I should lay my cards on the table. I'm supposed to get you out of town over the weekend. You are? Well, there you go. How about driving up to Half Moon Lake and fishing for Perch through the ice? Two glorious days. What a weekend. Sitting on the ice, waiting for a Perch to bite. No, thanks, Judge. I'm not interested. I have a date with Paula Saturday night. She's taking me out to her country club. Well, if you prefer Paula to a Perch... Bad idea. Where'd you get this silly idea? From my client, Rumson Bullard. What is this? What's Bullard up to now? To be candid, Gilder. He's trying to keep you away from his sister. You mean he's worried about Paula and me? He saw the engagement ring you left at Phoebe's, Gilder. That ring? Yeah. That's the funniest thing I ever heard. Well, what's the funny? Yes, that's Marjorie's engagement ring from Bronco. She just wanted the stone tightened. Oh, so that's it. Well, I better go tell Rumson he has nothing to worry about. Judge, don't you dare. What? If Bullard thinks I'm going to give that ring to Paula, let him think so. Let him worry. But Gilder... If Bullard thinks it'll serve him right. Just let him stew. That's the best thing. The best thing that ever happened. Gilder. Don't you say a word to him, Judge. Every dog has his day, and I'm going to have mine. Yeah, I wish I could be a mouse in his house. Watch old stone-faced cry. Excuse me, Judge. What's your apartment? Gildersley speaking. Rob Martin? Oh, Paula? Is that Paula? Quiet, Judge. What do you mind terribly if we postponed our date for Saturday night? Postponed our date? What happened, Gilder? Quiet, you old goat. Is that anything wrong, Paula? Well, I'm asking very strangely. He's insisting that I leave town. Oh, he's sending you perched fishing too? What was that? He ate nothing. Well, I... New convertible? I can't imagine. Well, why don't you take the car and sort of think about the vacation? In that case, why don't we have our date tonight? Nothing, Paula, nothing. Look, why don't you tell him I insist on coming over early, before dinner? Tell him I have a little present for you. A present? That's right. Be sure and tell him that. I'll be over about five o'clock. See you then. Bye. Goodbye. Well, what are you looking so pleased about? Well, I've got a bullet on the run this time. He's shaking in his boots, buying Paula a new car, sending her off to Arizona, taking her out to dinner. You wait until she tells him that I'm coming over at five o'clock with a present. You'll think it's the ring? That'll be the last straw. Gilder, you're playing with fire. Don't worry, judge. When the time comes, I can turn on the water. Yes, I'm home, Bertie. Well, I have a call to make for dinner, Bertie, across the street. Well, I'd freshen up a little. You have to something, Mr. Gilder, please. You got a sparkle in your eye. Bertie, I'm sparkling all over it. Do I have a clean shirt? Yes, you just hung them in your closet. Yes. You take this box of candy, will you, Bertie? Put it someplace where Leroy won't get his big paws on it. Oh, Valentine's kid, ain't that something? This one, Miss Paula? Yes. Did you have my ring fixed, Auntie? Yes, you're right here in my pocket. There you are. Oh, that's perfect. Why are you looking so happy? You know, I don't have time to go into the details now. But Mr. Bullard saw your engagement ring at PD's. He thinks it's mine, and I'm going to give it to Paula. He's boiling. Oh, Auntie, not really. You bet. I'm going over there in five minutes with a box of candy. You think I bring the ring? Can't wait to see his face. Well, I hope you know what you're doing. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. And the nice part of it is, Bullard doesn't. How do I look, Grumson? Oh, very nice. Aren't you dressing a little early, Paula? It's scarcely five o'clock. We won't be going to dinner until seven. Oh, I know. But Throckmorton's coming over at five. What? Uh-huh. He said he was bringing me a present. And for some reason, he wanted me to be sure to tell you about it. Oh, that diabolical ox. What's wrong? Paula, you must not see him. We'll pull down all the shades. Bar the doors. We'll do nothing at the store. Please, after all I've done, Paula, a new car, vacation, money. You can't marry that reservoir Romeo. Marry him? Well, who said I intended to marry him? Well, you don't know this, Paula, but I discovered this noon that Gilda Sleeve has an engagement ring. I saw it at Phoebe's drugstore. He was taking it to the jeweler to have it stone-tightened. He's going to ask you to marry him, Paula. He's going to... Is that the ring? Yes. That wasn't Throgmorton's ring. It wasn't? That was Marjorie's engagement ring. I walked down to the corner with her this morning. She told me she'd asked her uncle to take it to the jeweler's for her. I've been hoodwinked. Winkled. Well, you'd only told me. Oh, that's why he wanted to be sure I knew he was coming over at five. That deceitful water merchant has had me on. He's been circling behind my back. Marriage is the last thing Throgmorton would think of. Why, it's never ended his mind. Oh, it hasn't, eh? Well, Paula, I see our large friend coming across the street. I'd like a word with him alone. Don't be long. So marriage is the last thing he would think of. Valentine candy. If I don't look like a man coming to propose, I never saw one. Yeah, maybe it's a mean trick to play on Bullard. But he hasn't coming. I'll scare the daylights out of him. I hope he answers the door. I'll bet his face will be purple. Well, gildously. Bullard? Don't you recognize your old neighbor? Your old friend? Yeah, yes. Sure. Well, come in, come in. Thanks. Something's wrong. He's smiling. Come in and sit down, gildously. Have a cigar. Yes, thank you. The reason I came over, Mr. Bullard, I have a present for your sister. I've heard all about it, gildously. Congratulations. Congratulations? News travels fast, you know. Oh, I suppose you thought I'd rant and rave, object violently. But I'm afraid you misjudged me, gildously. I'm a sentimental man at heart. Well, when I learned that you were bringing my sister a ring, all the little difficulties and misunderstandings you and I have had in the past melted away. When Cupid pierced your heart with his little arrow, a few shining splinters lodged in mine, too. Yes, but... Of course, I'm Paula's older brother, and according to custom, you should ask my permission. But, Mr. Bullard... You have my permission. Oh, brother. Mr. Bullard. You and Paula are now engaged. There has been a tradition in our family, gildously, when a man makes it known that he has a ring for one of the bullet girls he has then declared himself. Yes, but I mean, I didn't... The past has been made. There is no turning back. It is the law of the clan. The clan? The bullets guard our women with primitive jealousy. You do? At one time, long ago, some worthless scoundrel let it be known about that he had a ring which he intended to give to one of the sweet, trusting bullet girls. Well, then he tried to back out, claimed the ring was not his, that it belonged to some relative. Can you imagine any man low enough to do a thing like that? Zeke. He met with a fatal accident the next day. He fell into a loom and was woven to death. Oh, my goodness. Mr. Bullard. Mr. Bullard? Well, you see, he had pedics. Did that ring? Your ring, your alley. How did I ever get into this? I'm never going to get out of it. Speak up, gildously. Well, Bullard, you see... Who's that at the door? Come in. I'm here, Leroy. What is it? Yes, yes. She says the stone's loose. She'll have to take it back again in the morning. Bless you, Leroy. See, Bullard, that was the ring. He was my treat. All this engagement talk was your own idea. What? No, no, wait. Gildously, just a minute. Just a minute. Well, that's not for it. Hello, Bullard. Come on. I want to take you for a ride in my new car. Love to. But I bought that car. Paul, now, gildously. Leroy, give Mr. Bullard a piece of the Valentine candy. Okay. Hold on. I won't tolerate this. You come back here, Gildously. You come back. Gildously, come back here. Come back here. Gildously will be with us again in just 30 seconds. For the best tasting sandwiches you've ever made, don't forget the Miracle Whip. Smooth, delicious Miracle Whip salad dressing adds a truly wonderful flavor to sandwiches, a flavor that's lively, teasing, and just peppy enough. Miracle Whip is perfectly smooth, wonderful for spreading. Get a jar of Miracle Whip salad dressing tomorrow. For delicious sandwiches and for outstanding salads, use America's favorite salad dressing, the one and only Miracle Whip. That's right, Pee-Pee. Bullard tried to embarrass me, tried to make me think I was trapped, engaged to his sister. But you were too smart for him. Is that the idea? You bet. Before he even had a chance to put the pressure on me, I very cleverly turned the tables on him. You don't say. How did you manage to convince him it was Marjorie's reign? Oh, I simply outmovered him, Pee-Pee. Fast thinking, that's all. Well, Leroy. Pretty neat the way Marjorie and I rescued you from bored, wasn't it, Uncle? Yes, it's... The stall wasn't losing Marjorie's reign. She told me to come over to Bullard's and say that. We figured you'd be in a jam. Ouch! Tell the story again, Mr. Gildersley. All gold jump in the lake, Pee-Pee. Good night, folks. The great Gildersley is made by Will and Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White. It is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Gail Gordon, Jean Bates, Earl Ross, and Vick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying goodnight for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the great Gildersley. Done up just right, a delicious hamburger can be truly a gourmet delight. A big deal in eating pleasure. Of course, just about every good cook knows that a dash of Kraft-prepared mustard really makes a hamburger. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Kraft mustard, naturally. There are two kinds of Kraft-prepared mustard. Mild Kraft mustard, if you like it smooth and delicately spiced. Snappy Kraft mustard with horseradish added if you like it nippy. Get both kinds of Kraft-prepared mustard at your food store. It's You Bet Your Life with Krautomarks next on NBC.