 At Collins Morgan we offer friendly, regulated and ethical advice for anyone living in Scotland. Over the last six years we have helped thousands of Scottish residents become debt-free. Our organisation always have your best interests at heart and our advisors are trained to help you in any situation with a range of solutions always available. If you're struggling with debts, act now and call one of our friendly advisors on 0141 2184450. When we're on, hey! Any day's guests, we've got Matt Demster, how are you brother? I'm good, I'm good. Good to see you. Good to see you. It's half an hour to be up to London to be here. Do you share that? No, definitely, it was a good thing to do and obviously from I got in touch with you just last weekend and it was through Paul Ferris had been on and stuff and he says, oh you should contact and you know so it's good to be here. Now you're here? Yes. Man with addiction problems, been in prison to now having one of the best clinics in Harleys Street London. Rubbing shoulders with the big names and you've done amazing with your life compared to where you've been from addicted to heroin, crack, valium and now you're running a show down Harleys Street. What? You love it running a show. No, yeah, no, yeah. Incremental stages. And you've also given me your two books today, The On-Going Path and Nothing to Declare. Where can people get these books? Oh, they can get them on Amazon. So yeah, get them on Amazon. Touch on them anyway. I'm not sure, no worries. Addiction problem or addiction? Well, one of them's a biography. The first one's a biography just about my story about how I got from addiction and a recovery really. And the second book there, The On-Going Paths, just all about it's a self-help book. So it just talks about all the various addictions and how to get help when it gives practical exercises about how to deal with addiction, addictive patterns and how to break them. So that's just mostly self-help. Love it. So right back to the start, Mark, when you grew up and how it all began. Right, okay. So I grew up here in Glasgow, Partick. I was born in Purden Street actually in the centre of Glasgow. And I went to a school called St Peter's. I was my father. So the family history really was that my father struggled with alcoholism. You know, he was an alcoholic. It developed in him over the years. There was a bit of petty crime in the family really. Not serious crime, but a bit of petty crime. My mother was like from a convent really. She was like, sort of, I grew up in France in a convent and had quite a sort of good education but really strict, you know, sort of militant, sort of nuns running a convent. And so I was the only child. I was the only child. There was only me. And what started to happen, I guess, as a young kid, my father was, because of his alcoholism, he was sort of like, he'd be sober for a period of time and then he would slip again. He sometimes went to fellowships. He went to 12-step fellowships and he'd stay sober for a bit of time and then he would slip again. He'd go right back into the sort of madness. He'd have terrible accidents really. He fell in a bucket of tar one time. He crashed a car when he was really, when he was younger. His best friend in the car died. He got a really good solicitor at that time here in Glasgow called George Bill Tramme. And so I grew up with the sort of influence of my dad. And some of that was to some degree that, because he's sometimes steal stuff, you know, in front of me and just because he'd be pissed he'd had a drink or so and he'd be in a shop and he'd say, what do you want? Like, I remember being in Woolworth's and he'd pick, like, seeing some guns, like plastic guns and he'd say, do you want one of them? And I'd say, yeah. And he'd just picked it up and put it under his coat and walked out with it. And I remember as a kid, adrenalized, feeling really adrenalized because of the fear, because I knew it was wrong. I knew it was like, you shouldn't be doing it. So it's like, in that sort of shame or just adrenalized and fear that's going to get caught. Yeah, I guess that's the early thing. And my father used to steal a lot of cars. So he used to joyride because he got banned from driving. So he'd steal a car. One time he stole actually a police car and a CID car years later when we lived in Helensbrough. So I'd be in the back of these cars sometimes and I'd be thinking, you know, we've not got this car but all of a sudden I'm in this car and he'd be sort of drinking. So I don't want to demonize my father in any way but he really suffered, you know, from his alcoholism but eventually he got sober the last 14 years of his life and had done his eulogy and we made amends and we had a really good connection. So fast forward I sort of grew up. We moved to Helensbrough when I was about 11. I was always attention-seeking so that the key component really, if I look back, was from a young age. I was always looking externally from a buzz outside. I was always trying to get like, I was attention-seeking really, looking to be validated. So as a kid we used to jump across the middens really at the back of the tenements and we'd be jumping over these roofs and stuff. And the other guy, the other boys would all be like, my nickname was Demi. So they used to go Demi'll jump, Demi'll jump between that gap and I would be like so desperate for their attention. I'd do it. Even though I was really frightened, I'd just do it and then when I landed on our side and it came off and everybody went, he's mental, he's working mental. I'd feel that buzz, that hit from, which wouldn't of course last, it only lasts for a small bit, but then you'd have to keep on doing it and then fighting as a kid, always fighting. That we sense the importance that people are, they think they like you and you're getting that attention from them, but really you're just making an ass of yourself to make them laugh. They're not laughing with you, they're laughing against you. But drink that buzz came, obviously your dad, you were reflection of your dad who obviously craved that attention as well. Maybe he said he's mental, he's out stealing cars, he's joyriding, he's shoplifting and he gets that adrenaline kick where you've just passed that on and you think that's normal to do. And also that just because underneath it was shame, really shame and not feeling, so the attention, I'm looking for the attention externally because I couldn't get the attention when I was younger. So as a kid, as children mature, if they get their developmental dependency needs met, this is what I understand from studying, but if you can get those needs, those emotional needs met, I mean it's not perfect, there's no perfect family, but if there's a sort of sustenance and a continuity where the child knows that they're validated and they're loved and they're valued really, then they become internally, they become the I'm enough, they internalize and they say to themselves I'm enough, I'm a good person, I'm of value so they don't really need to look for it outside because their self-esteem is quite robust. But children who have been neglected in any way are emotionally neglected and I know it's like without, and I don't want to sound at all victim here because it's not like that, but where there's that, where they become, they start looking for it outside all the time and of course it's like a fruit on a tree that's ripe for addiction because at some point the attention will change to if they find drugs or alcohol, they'll go into that destructively as well because it'll numb them, it'll take them away from themselves so I started to... That's pain. Yeah pain, it's all about, yeah, it's all about an emotional unmet needs really and the pain that that, the core of that, the core of that is codependency. They say about having a chemical imbalance as well, do you know about a chemical imbalance? Yeah, yeah, well they say, yeah, yeah, well they say to James that now they're able to see through fMRI scanning of the brain they can see that people with addictions produce less dopamine than the brain than people that don't have addictions so they can see that there's a, in fact in the States they call it dopamine deficit syndrome, so they produce less dopamine they also, the part of the brain that deals with stress that that's impaired as well and impulse control so the three area, in fact Russell Brand and Professor Knott done a documentary about that and said, you know, like they could identify that, you know, the three areas that were impaired as that, so the chemical imbalance the predisposing factor genes too, like if you're family you've got a lot of addiction in the family obviously those genes are passed on to you so not necessarily you might have an addiction but you've got a predisposing factor of gene and if you just then combine early exposure to drugs or alcohol plus some trauma or emotional neglects you've got like the perfect storm for addiction to really to really cultivate that addiction it's weird that I always speak about it, it can pass down from generation to generation in your DNA again the mind's so powerful, I was watching something a guy called Dr Hamilton, David Hamilton, Scottish guy so he did a study on people playing the piano they had one physically playing it and one mentally playing it and they'd done it for I think it was five days consistently for two or three hours and the ones mentally just visualising playing it actually when it came for the ones who visualised it were playing it the exact same way as the ones who were doing it physically so in their brain they were mentally just playing the piano learning how to play it and by the end of the five days they were playing just as good as the ones who were actually playing it for the two or three hours a day the brain is a fucking mental thing it's crazy isn't it, because they done it also we guys eat napples in the States they were eating napples and they put them up they put an MRI scan and they could see the exact same parts of the reward system, the brain being activated with the people that were just imagining eating the napple so lots of it so he's basically saying the brain does not know from the real effect, it doesn't know from what's real or what's imaginary so it's all down to it again the mindset that really fascinates me and I love it mate I know it's crazy isn't it so then if we go on to what started to happen so first I think the behaviour, the addictive behaviour really if we looked at what was the actual if we take drugs and alcohol or gambling or sex whatever the addictive process is is the symptom really that's the outward symptom but what's at the core, what's at the root of that really so where did it begin then so it began in that what we're talking about is they're looking for attention looking for this sort of validation feeling a void, feeling that sort of vacuum inside being incredibly self critical as well as a child you know like always like the mind just having not any means to emotionally regulate to be able to control your emotions not being able to even speak about out your emotions as well and especially then I guess in 60s 70s Glasgow growing up and your ego and people how there could be a lot you could have a lot of problems we were like always we don't mention anything outside the house really if your dad's in prison we just say to the neighbour oh he's working on the rig so there's a whole thing around secrecy and therefore shame that creates shame that you can't you know so if you push if you're living a life where already when you're young start to have secrets and tell lies really that's the sort of beginning some of the behaviour that's going to sort of haunt you later on really and then moving forward my first ever because my dad was an alcoholic I thought there's no way I'm gonna and he did say to me when my young age he says look there's a good possibility that you'll have a predispose you'll have some such he was even back then he says he says look because my grandfather not on my father's side but on my grandfather on my mother's side was an alcoholic as well so I had like my father's side and my mother's side that had alcoholism really they would have been using drugs back then but there just wasn't really drugs there was like over the count there would be prescribed drugs that would use valium or something that lots of people were addicted to and valium mother's little helpers and valium and libraium but so he had an understanding that it's likely that it will be passed on there'll be some sort of genetic influence so he'd say to me just be really mindful that later later on but I had it in my mind that because it was so like witnessing living when I was like as a kid I became a little caretaker from really young hiding my dad's whiskey putting it, stashing it away trying to lock the door so he can't get out Was it violent or anything? It did get violent, yeah it got aggressive it got really violent later on later on as I started to get older I think he got more violent because I think underneath he was quite jealous over the relationship I had with my mum because he was because he had a really bad accident he lost his memory and his speech and he sort of reverted almost to a bit like a child and I became like the parent in a way and my mum I guess she would like speak to me a lot about what's going on and I think that he was jealous over that relationship A lot of people with addictions or mental health you tend to see that those are the ones who are most jealous they have love and if the people who they love don't give them it back that's when the abuse comes in maybe physically because they can't handle the fact that they're losing a loved one or that they can't get their attention because they've lost that attention span of it's difficult addictions it's really difficult I was really a jealous person I was too much pride so for me as well to have addiction drink, drugs, gambling, womanising what would you say that the majority of that stems from when you're younger? It's starting to get it's to fill that void obviously we've got to say that it's a buzz in it as well like when you were talking about my father being aggressive I got adrenaline as a child at the start he would attack so you'd be drinking about his head and he would attack me I'd always keep my shoes on I'd never take my shoes off I'd always want to be closest to the door so as a child I'd already get wired I'd get an adrenaline the amygdala would start to get hyperaroused and what was happening is those first incidences where I'd have to run out of the house just in my socks or something because they'd be chasing me when I got away I'd feel the buzz of escaping and I'd feel the high from that nearly being caught and that's the fight or flight stuff so then I'd start to provoke my father so at the beginning he would be doing it and then I'd start to provoke him because I was looking for that so there's no you know there's no doubt that some of my behaviour even today my sense of being addicted to danger like I still do paragliding I ride fast motorbike I've got a Harley now I'm going over a hundred mile an hour on a sports bike and that feeling that I get where I could die at any moment the fear of that do you replace that with your dad then I think that goes back to those initial imprints from my kids of feeling really alive because you're getting a massive hit if you're thinking that you're going to get killed it's all predator days when we were hunter-gatherers when we were out there like in the savannas like and a wild animal would come we would run like rate of knots and if we got away we'd be like oh we'd get that hit the dopamine hit the dopamine high so that so the reward system gets hijacked really by that behaviour so therefore just normal pursuits in life like just say maybe not been on the motorbike at 60 mile an hour or 70 mile an hour doesn't really do it for you do you know what I mean like so that's something to be really mindful of and especially as you get older and you've got responsibility I've got children now they've never seen me take a drug they're 14 I should say about that that now I'm 22 years I've no used drugs and alcohol so even though I've no used drugs and alcohol for 22 years you've replaced it with replaced it with probably that sort of because there's real positives to addiction as well to having an addictive personality there are usually a lot of sports people a lot of musicians a lot of actors are I've got addictive personalities but they've channeled that addictive drives that tenacity and resilience and that sort of dedication and the obsession around when you want to be successful just copying your lines or doing a part or playing an instrument they've become obsessive and the product they've used it and the creative but it's not necessarily a bad thing it's the same as when you clean you've become an adrenaline junkie you missed that buzz you're getting it which is a good thing because you're not doing it in a bad light you're doing it in one where you still crave that adrenaline because you've not got your shoes on ready to run out the door what's going to happen tonight how drunks you're going to be you've replaced it with I'm going to get Mahali and bomb it but then again I've got to be really mindful around what's appropriate as regards like it's a good parallel now but also I've got to think now as I've got responsibilities I've got two children I've got to be like a responsible father I can't be doing stuff that I would have done at the start of my recovery and it was just me and I was only accountable for my life really so there's a maturity that has had to happen as well as I've went on otherwise I've got the potential to create harm I can create just by being a responsible or something and if I go up paragliding it's too windy or something I get pulled up and I get hit by a thermal and I keep going up and up and I can't get back to it that adrenaline is pumping that adrenaline is pumping two miles up there's a plane just about to hit him dopamine as well so for people watching dopamine what is dopamine? dopamine is a neurotransmitter so it's a chemical in the brain and what happens is that we produce naturally like dopamine, serotonin nor adrenaline we produce these natural exactly so we produce them naturally in our body but what happens is certain drugs especially if you look at cocaine say for example cocaine hijacks the dopamine system in the brain so what it does is when you say a sniff a line of coke I come up I get that I mean this is the thing it's the law of diminishing returns with cocaine as well because I could do a talk just about the individual drugs but I so what happens is you take a line of coke and I come flying up right on that when it kicks in when it goes through the nasal membranes and it kicks into the reward system but what happens is it just floods my brain gets flooded with dopamine just in that you know a massive amount of it and what it does the reuptake valve of the brain gets shut off so it just keeps all the dopamine in that part of the brain that's why people feel really good for maybe 30 minutes or 35 minutes because I've got like the brain just like produce so much dopamine but it's holding it whereas normally the brain just releases that dope so we get a dopamine say something happens or we say the two years run out we come out here and we run 100 yards and you know we get that little bit of dopamine right away from that gym activity really or that exercise but we'll start to come down a wee bit cocaine but so the dopamine thing obviously you know if your brain naturally and this is back to that you know the chemical stuff you know disability sort of chemical dysfunction or disability if the brain produces less dopamine now dopamine works in a way it's not just a feel-good factor but it also lays down memory and it provides meaning and purpose in life so it's not just a feel-good factor it's like it's a lot it's a lot more than just that buzz so if I'm producing less dopamine what happens is I'm going to be slightly depressed most of the time unless I can think so when I'm clean when I'm completely clean if my brain is disabled slightly and produces less dopamine I have to find a way naturally to get a dopamine to lift my dopamine levels so hence why loads of people when they get clean they go to the gym a lot they do or they find or activities or career or podcast or whatever you know they replace it with something else like a humble as well it really should dopamine that's why where people stay on addictions because they're craving that dopamine buzz they're craving that hit where they feel good but once that goes again it is replacing that exercise is a massive key when you spoke about serotonin this is what fights anxiety fear or the bad stuff endorphins they feel good factor even for people maybe a bit overweight go out a walk go on nature and you'll get these natural chemicals where you feel you must keep doing them which is difficult but again it's to touch on these subjects it will help a lot of people to understand a bit because I speak about it but I'm studied I'm just learning the craft and understanding it a bit more because when I speak about it sometimes I butcher it because sometimes it doesn't sound right it sounds right in here but when I speak about it I'm just fucking so when did you start getting into the heavier drugs so I started with alcohol first and then my first my first experience of alcohol was a can of special brew it wasn't that like it didn't start glamorous and it didn't end so I would have been 13 or so when I took a can of special brew I remember it really well because I used to have an air rifle and I used to shoot the English sale I mean for any English people listening to this I lost my I remember I used to have an air rifle a BSA make your air rifle and I used to like because I was living in Helensborough and I used to be loads of English sailors that used to you know in the town I used to like at night time when they were all walking up the road pissed I would shoot them from a window I remember this first night taking the can of special brew and I remember feeling I remember saying to myself this must be what it feels like to be normal so obviously I was thinking at that even at that age I was thinking that I was sort of abnormal or alien somehow that I didn't fit in I felt really clumsy I felt shy as a kid I would always feel really unattractive as well physically unattractive that I'd always be looking at my nose my nose was too small you know I'd always be like looking at my features and sort of self obsessed really self obsessed and so with alcohol that sort of like that feeling that thought gave me that sense of confidence I write away it gave me that I just didn't care and my mind then shut up that negative committee in my mind you know because it is like a committee it's like different without sounds completely schizophrenic but the voices in my head just shut up really and I stopped beating myself up I stopped and I was numb and I felt that feeling of but yeah I hated alcohol because I'd witnessed what I'd done to my father I'd witnessed what I'd done to my sort of Moncles and stuff as well and then a few years later in school some of the guys some of my friends in class were starting to smoke dope they were like I was 15 say I was really curious I had like a real if I look back then it was inevitable that I was going to be an an active addict because I was so curious about about what they were doing because they were smiling they were stoned they were coming into class and then it was a matter of time then I'd smoked some dope and I remember even at the time when I first started to smoke dope I remember thinking I'm only going to do this at the weekend I'm only going to do this at the very beginning the same shite chat you say one night or one for this and that but for addicts people always get diseases we don't do one night no one night it doesn't like we don't do one beer that's it because we are craving that that feel good factor to shut the demons up because that takes you away from your pain 100% worse the next day but again that stems from your father I don't know I know not at all these are the steps these addictions to maybe getting yelled at all the time ready to leave the door that stems from I'm not good enough you're this you're that you're I know you're sorry blah blah blah the constant thoughts so if you drink take drugs it shuts the voices up and that's definitely and then it was then it was the other drugs at the time everybody used to take mushrooms I said there was LSD a lot LSD so bit by bit even though I'd said I'd said in my mind I'm never going to take anything harder than this I'm never going to I'd never take heroin I'd never take crack cocaine you know crack cocaine yeah well freebase cocaine was around I guess I'd say but but through time you know and quite quickly really I crossed all those barriers right so everything that I said I wasn't going to do I soon you know within a couple of months really I was like taking the mushrooms I was taking acid I was taking these things called dodos they were like speed tablets like used to get in chemists and then eventually I took every single drug but it was a but what I was was I was obsessed with even cannabis when I first started to smoke hash or weed it was hash because skunk wasn't around it see skunk never it's quite a relatively new thing and it's I'm saying relatively new in the last 15 years or 20 years but in Amsterdam you've always there's a lot of skunk but but it was just dope but I remember getting this book called The Great Books of Hashish and I'd look at this book and it told you all the countries where the hash came from like Morocco, Lebanon Lebanon, Turkey India, Pakistan and I remembered like as a kid thinking I'm going to go I'm going to go to some of them countries because there'd be really glamorous pictures of big bits of hash all shiny and a story about this particular hash how good that is the Royal Nepalese I'll never forget Royal Nepalese temple balls it was used by the kings and queens of Nepal and you know it was like there was this whole sort of glamour, this fable this myth about the whole thing and I said and what happened is I did go to those countries that hence why I started to smuggle and stuff like that but that was a bit later and I came to so what started to happen is I came away from Glasgow when I was 20 years old well I came I moved to Helensbrough when I was 11 and then when I was 20 I got to London and then because of my because of the growing up as a Catholic really in Glasgow my support and sell take I wound up meeting these guys in London and South London who were like involved at the time with INLA who started to who they were like in a completely different league from they were like selling a lot of drugs but they were a completely different type of profile to the people that I used to know in Glasgow or in Helensbrough whereas most of the people used to know that used to sell a lot of dope and stuff were sort of hippie types they were much more going into a sort of serious villain type profile really because they were involved in that but they were bringing in lots of drugs manufacturing speed so they were involved in a lot of different activities were involved in sort of bugleries involved in commercial but also like more serious crime as well and they took me one in particular took me under his wing and then I wound up just going to him for all the drugs and then I started to make more and more money really from selling drugs I wasn't working I was just doing that as a full and then but alongside I started to use all the other all the other drugs and mostly at the time at the start it was mostly cocaine lots of cocaine because they were all it was a glorified drug then because they were very heroin was looked upon back then in the 80s and especially in that type of group of people who were more sort of gangsters really they would really look down at anybody taking heroin it was funny that in our addictions kind of frown upon people who take heroin think fuck that but this doesn't matter drug you take if you're taking it every day you're an addict if it's got the power audio you're an addict and it's funny that we label people for a junkie look at the state of that it's not right because it's addiction problems we've all got addiction problems for whether it's drugs or whether it's spending money or whether it's your appearance or even the self-seeking kind of stuff there's so many addictions out there it's hard to identify oh there is, oh yeah loads of people have got mild addiction like mild addictive process are certainly habitual patterns that cause them harm but they don't want to change it we've got the highest rates of diabetes that there's ever been we've got the highest rates of credit card debt so people are still buying stuff on credit cards but yeah they can't afford it but they're fixing there's something that's the dopamine when you swipe that credit card dopamine rush again? Amazon just that hit on Amazon click click click click and it is the same with the food do you question a lot of things now though do you question yourself a lot do you still question what you do things for and why do you do it? not to a crazy degree otherwise you'd just be like all the time you don't enjoy life, you forget about living in the moment because it is about enjoying life enjoying romance because you go, why am I going out with that girl when I get married to that girl because you'd start to create a story is that me, I'm just fulfilling some sort of but within reason I sort of look and especially if I start to see something that's going to harm me any sort of like behaviour that can cause harm you were talking about womenizing say for example right if I'm with one partner and I start to find myself there's another therapist there's another therapist just down the road or whatever it might be or why am I going out with her for a cup of tea if I thought she was less attractive that's lust that's welcome a lot of people get mixed up between lust and love love is cheese love is within it's a place I'm still trying to work on I'm still trying to be but again there's always be as men, we are animals we're perverts in disguise and the way we look at women is when I speak to a woman I'm thinking she's attractive, I'm automatically thinking I want to fuck her and I want to be honest and I think you need to realise that you need to stop thinking that way because we've developed we've developed through such a young age and they talk about subliminal messes and things when you're younger as we all have shown your pictures and sex where you can be sex fucking mad it's difficult to try and adjust and identify oh wait a minute, this is wrong do you know what I mean to try and look at people as an individual instead of the lost factor do you know what I mean in fact she's got a nice set of tits she's really pretty not to objectify, try not to objectify so how do you work on that then I work on that all the time because what I do is I try and remind myself all the time I say to myself, look identify what's going on internally where I can feel it became much easier as I went on because I can see the difference in energies inside me when I get adrenaline when I'm starting to get whether it's an obsessive element to it or a field I'm looking for that fix or a buzz a lot of the time when I want to be impulsive it's coming from a place of fear so it's coming usually from the addiction side of things where I'm trying to get a fix on something so I just like I mean I've done lots of different things in the past just to be able even just writing stuff down around my agenda for things just to write down what my thoughts are and what my feelings are and getting it on paper and then I can see it because when it's in your head and it's just circling around your head it's really difficult to understand what part of you speaking to yourself you know is this the voice of my addict or is this the rational part of me you know is this the intuitive or instinctive or rational or is this an addictive drive because the addict part of me is me as well is that such a chase as well trying to get a girl on the thought process with 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day is that correct 70,000 or 68,000 it's crazy mate I don't know what the exact is so you're constantly battling and trying to identify why is there reasons behind this but it's a chase as well if we're addicts it's a chase it's a chase to try and I know but it never stops doesn't it especially with social media as well because a lot of people are prancing about their fucking bras and pants on their photos as well so there's a lot of but that doesn't make it right to be like fucking grueling and groveling over pictures but it looks in your mind the first thing that comes to your mind is sex absolutely but look at porn addiction even if we take pornography I've got clean time so I've stopped using porn for it I'm a monastic living a monastic life but I've stopped I've had years that I've no looked at porn but the reason I've stopped doing all that is because that there leads to the same place it's the same thing because the images in your mind you look at women as if they're all the same in our great grandfathers we see on a website and within two minutes we would see more we know even two minutes in 30 seconds probably we see more images more intense images than our great great grandfathers would see in their whole life do you know what I mean so why a lot of young people are developing erectile dysfunction is they're their first exposure to sex they're first sexual but whereas years ago like maybe like in the 60s and 70s going up you would well it might have been catalogs even before that people would look at catalogs some sort of jolly from but what would happen is I guess that I mean what's happening with young people is that they're looking at all this I mean since the internet really kicked off in pornography live streaming and all the rest of it people are getting they're all the time with dopamine they're looking at particular images and then they're shifting over to the next image and they're wanting a more intense or they're wanting a more seductive because the same image won't work won't keep working do you know what I mean they've got to keep up in it just like the cocaine or the drugs you've got to keep you get a tolerance you get desensitized so what's happening is young people are looking at images all the time and then the next thing there's a girl presents one of the girls from school or whatever she's 16 years old she starts taking her clothes off but they've just been looking at images where there's anal sex or there's rape scenes or whatever it is so it's really intense sort of quite shame based actually imagery and they're looking at that and the girl's walking in the girl takes her clothes off and they can't get it together because because it doesn't meet the criteria then they maybe start saying to the girl I want you to do this I want you to do that this is what I want you know it's got to be anal sex that's why rapes on the rise and child abuse and stuff like that do you know much about like pedophilia and stuff like that because they say it's one in every 30 has pedophile tendencies so that's like one in every street is that a chemical imbalance is a mental disorder is that yeah well lots of the lots of pedophilia pedophilia is also they make a relationship to the childhood sexual abuse as well they're like their own childhood where they have been there's links to that as well there is links as far as I know I'm not like an expert just on the pedophilia stuff but but it's a sickness it's a illness like but the thing for those guys to know and that's really really important is that they should they should be getting they should be holding herself accountable as a result for the recovery they should be going and doing something about it going and I know it's very difficult because it's a touch you subject it's bad enough people to admit they've got cocaine addiction or gambling addiction if you've got an addiction you watch f**k kids you only come forward because it's hanging on them you shoot them and it's difficult and I'm not listening to kids or anybody f**king trotting but it's a touch you subject where is there enough place for people to come forward and get help is there enough things there for people to speak up because as soon as you speak up about that you're going to get your back turned on you know what I mean so it is a chemical imbalance it is a mental addiction it's a mental disorder where I don't know if there's enough things in place for the something that I'm maybe looking into and see if there is a lot of things in place for people to come forward because if there's one in every 30 that's a f**king big percentage and I don't know anybody that spoke out about it I don't know anybody that's came forward and said I think there was a man on Twitter who says they had defaults never acted on it but used to watch his neighbors kids and stuff and his family's kids something like that but it's such a touch you subject that nobody wants to touch on because it's you're getting scrutinized as a beast and I get it I f**king totally understand but is there enough places and things in order for them to rise there's something the rapes are seemingly arise and is that all coming from the platform where people can look at porn and look at girls getting abused getting f**ked because let's face it majority of people are in porn as well a lot of them are forced as well absolutely so if you're watching that you start to think that's normal so that you just say there if you're getting a new girlfriend and you're thinking she's not to my criteria because they've been watching all the bullshit of the day but that again always comes down to the mindset what you're watching is what you eventually become as well and it's highly addictive 60% of people on internet is for porn behind 50% of searches are google related and there's something like 32% in the world but yeah, no it's not shall I tell you a bit more so you're any dark president as well in Spain yeah, so what happened is then I started to what we started to do because I was involved in at the time we were getting LSD crystal from Holland and we were buying LSD crystal it was about £11,000 we were making LSD basically and we were taking that, we started to take that to Spain and then and what happened in one of the escapades that was in Spain because I knew a lot of travellers back then as well from the use of travelling city like travellers called the convoy so what happened is I was taking some acid not a great amount across to Spain to start to do these contacts with these people to say there was a person I met in Morocco so I was smuggling dope from Morocco bringing hash from Morocco back to England we were just doing suitcase back then it was just really easy because you just put it in a suitcase on a plane because back then even India, what we used to do we used to go from India straight into Skipal in Amsterdam and you could put 5 or 10 kilos in your suitcase even if you got caught in Amsterdam especially it was over 5 kilos it was a class in Amsterdam not class B, I think it was a class B but it was decriminalised in Holland anyway so it was coffee shops so I so anyway I was in Morocco, met this girl this girl said to me meet this guy down in the south of Spain he's got a bar there he'll be interested in swapping LSD because they'll send some of the LSD to the Canary Islands so this is what we started to do and then what happened is I wound up in this bar in the cave it was called the cave in Fuengarola and I'd taken a couple of traveller friends across just as a freebie I just thought I had money I had a gold mastercard and a visa card that had came from a burglary that this guy had gave me and I gave him some drugs for the credit cards and anyway so I was in Spain I was in, I'd set up this deal with this guy the next day I had only a couple of hundred with me but I had much more in my rucksack and in this bar and then so the clash we were all dancing there was a clash through the Casbah song on we were dancing along and every time we turned around our bottles of San Miguel kept going missing so people were stealing our bottles Peter San Miguel on the bar there we'd go missing so my friend said to me he says give us 50 of them trips the acid and so he took and he flung in so we got 8 bottles of San Miguel and he flung 2 or 3 in each bottle trips so what happened is the people were stealing the drink they obviously drank the thing but there was a 16 year old girl who was part of it so it was a couple of boys and the sister so she got the thing and she was 16 years old so I didn't know any of this was good I just gave him the acid I never really thought much about it and the next thing Sprogg turned around he's turned around I see him going out the bar I see him going out the bar and I see him pointing at these guys and the next thing he walks out of this bar and I come out and I see them following them and the next thing I come out and Sprogg's on the deck these lads are beating the shit out of me so I jump in but my other friend when the guys had taken their leather jackets off to have the fight my other friend stole their jackets and walked away with their jackets so anyway what happened was long story short the boys found their leather jackets so they phoned up the Guardia Civil they flung me in one car well the three of us in one car and the flung my other friend in one car and they took us to the Nick in fingerola but what I'd done was the acid that I had as I get in the car when I get in the car because there was three of us in the back seat we were driving the cars I just took the acid out my back pocket really because it was blotting papers and I just pushed it down the back of the car seat and I went to do the same with the gold master on the Visa card but the policeman turned around the Guardia Civil turned around and went what are you doing like that so I put that back and I just and then we got out of the car and they never searched the car and so I just had the gold master card on the Visa card and my friend who was in the other car he got Nick to find the 400 trips but they never even then searched the car so I wound up long story I wound up in a prison in Malaga called Allerin del Toro and this was in 1988 so this is 1987 and what used to happen then a lot of the gangsters who were involved in a lot of the you know who were doing a lot of the armed robberies in London well some of the Brinks Mac guys had already moved to Marbella so a lot of the sort of gangster types had seen that there was a lot of money in Cannabis and especially coming from Morocco bringing because it's a small crossing from Morocco to the south of Spain so they were bringing they were bringing tons of hash so you could buy, say you buy the hash in Morocco right at the source it's 100 pound a kilo but if you were buying it on quantity, if you're buying half a ton or 400 kilo or whatever it would be you're getting it maybe 50 pound a kilo and then you're selling it in the south of Spain for 500 but they were also bringing it back in they were bringing it back in furniture and bringing it back in England and then selling it for 2000 pound so I wound up meeting a whole group of guys, it was mad because there was 12 dormitories and there was one dormitory and it was all Scottish, English and Irish and there was a couple of Dutch there and so every day I'd go into the courtyard and they would be like I was on the boat, I had half a ton or two tonne or you know there was too much weight on the boat and we hit a storm and the boat started to sink and there was these mad and then I got contacts, so what would happen is and this is the thing about prisoners, they'd never done anything to rehabilitate me all it'd done really was it just introduced me to a whole group of people that are networks today, that are networks and because I'm quite sociable and like a chat with people I just got to know more and more people and so then when I came out and then I got out of prison I got out on bail and they gave me the night that they gave me bail they gave me my face because it's mad because a couple of days into this sentence this guy came in to our dormitory and me and my friend were the only English Scottish people in the dormitory it was all Spanish and it was a mad dormitory too because this wasn't the English Scottish, this was all Spanish the one that we got put into, the initial dormitory we got put into and so there was guys in there who were like better separist they were like bringing in tons of harsh guns and involved in a lot of serious crime and anyway so we were in there and then this guy comes in and he says I've just been arrested and he comes straight and speaks perfect English and he says I've just been arrested I was in a car when I got out the car they searched the car and they found the LSD and you know I said I said first of all he says what are you in for and I said I'm in for plastic credit cards he says what's your friend in for I said LSD what's the design on your friend's LSD because I knew so it was circles it was white light white light and they used to be called back then but the blotting paper and he says oh this is the design on mine and he done these purple ohms and I knew the purple ohms were mines because I got them in Holland and brought them back so I just went that's terrible man I can't believe I can't believe that and then he was gone in a couple of days and I stole to this day I think was he a client but then I think why would they put a copper in because put them right into the lion's den in case you know in the dormitory there's 70 or 80 people in the dormitory was there finger prints of that then that's what was really apparent at the time I was like oh my god I had it in cling film so it was cling film and I kept asking everybody do you reckon there'll be prints on it and they were like don't worry it should be fine anyway they were gone I got out and I got bail and I never went back to Spain for a year I was only told but as I was saying in the car but six years ago I went back for the first time I checked out there's no there's no there's all paper files way back then and then I just like what happened is the money I mean really the long and short of it really is the money the lifestyle because a lot of it is about the lifestyle about the ego about and it's all back to that exactly it's like wanting to get that kudos or prestige from being a drug dealer or smuggler it's all about that somehow I'm elevated in your mind that I'm because I'm like thinking I'm not enough really I've got some sense of importance and I think I get the impression that is generally what it is with most people and eventually all the money all that I lost all the money girls all of it eventually I was a street home I was a street addict on the street nothing how did that come about when you are living a high life in Spain because what happened is I got ostracised because what happened is my best friend died when I was 25 and then I got sort of ostracised ostracised by a group of people around his death because they wanted to blame because I found his body when I was 25 he died there and over those ODEJ and I found him and then from there the CID were involved they sort of somebody had said gave information that I was a drug dealer that I was involved in drug dealer so anyway I couldn't sell drugs anymore really because I was really getting watched I got ostracised but also the Irish so the Irish lads to who hated heroin when they found out my friend had died the heroin overdose they sort of said we don't want they wanted to know the person that gave him the heroin they wanted to know the person that gave him the heroin and I was getting heroin still from this guy so I didn't want to give him the name and I got ostracised for them so then I had a region at that time I had a region heroin habit and but I had a chunk of money and I thought well what I'm going to do now is if I can't sell if I can't make money I'll just go to India where to the source we'll go to the Golden Triangle Thailand, Burma, India I'll go right up in there and it's peanut so I wound up going there getting up a motorbike going driving away into the just into the hill tribes really in the north right in the north Chiang Mai Chiang Rai right into where the border is and the heroin there pure, pure I was cranking it up you would die if you took it you have to cut it well if you came back here you'd have to cut it severely because it would be like I don't know what the maximum strength but it's very pure, you just put cold water put colours on it it's white heroin most of the stuff that's in India is brown sugars, brown heroin and the stuff that came that was produced in Iran and Afghanistan obviously but in different countries you get different like in Malaysia when it was in Malaysia the heroin was sort of an orange a really orangey not like the colour you're jumping about which is red but it's like an orangey really likes and it was really really pure but this stuff in Northern Thailand and I just wound up in this little village I mean I was the only it was mad really I was just in this village I just got on the motor so what I did was I was there in Bangkok because what I started to do was I started to bring a hash from India so you could get a bit of kilo on your belly so I'd swallow the hash I mean it's mad, I'll tell you a mad story right once I once I I was like so I was bringing in hash in Bangkok and I had a heroin habit at the same time and heroin so it constipates you so what I'd done was somebody had said to me look if you dip it in beeswax if you dip so each bolinger say it's a 2 gram lump of hash and you put cling foam around it if you dip it in beeswax then that puts another layer on it and they also said to me it's just made up by people I mean there's no evidence based to it really but he said to me listen each the stomach asses go through in 24 hours one layer of cling foam so if you've got two layers of cling foam that's two days and if you dip it in beeswax then that might be an odd day or whatever so anyway I get to Bangkok but I've got a heroin habit and I know that if I take the heroin I'm going to not be able to get this because I've got nearly a kilo I've got about 850 grams in my tummy so I'm like but I'm dying for some heroin because I've got a raging heroin habit so I go to I go to the chemist first and I get laxatives so I take all these laxatives but then at the same time I'm shooting up heroin and then so that day I've no got the heroin out and I start to eat as well and I'm drinking this Mekong stuff and then eventually so the next day I say to myself right today I've got to get this stuff out of my belly because it's been in here for the time so I'm like I'm like so my head's saying but you've got 48 hours with the two layers of cling foam and you've got these beeswax things but what's happened is the beeswax because I'd used these beeswax which was the worst idea ever I don't recommend it to you if you ever think this but don't ever do this so what happened was I wound up using some more heroin so I'm still constipated but the third day my belly honestly I just couldn't but because the beeswax it all congealed it all stuck so when I was trying to push it on the door I couldn't get it out and it was just a mental I mean I remember this one I this is nuts on the third day on the third night about two o'clock in the morning I'm in this hotel room and I'm like in pain but I can't go to the hospital because I've got to go to the hospital to get the gel right and it's Thailand men you can get life saved so what I'd done was I was sitting in the toilet now I've got these hoses they've got just a hole in the ground and then I've got a hose I was thinking I could understand it so I stuck this hose up and put on the thingy to try and break it down the thing and then what happened is oh it seemed to work right because with the pressure I don't know with the pressure it felt really uncomfortable obviously because and then I basically the next thing that it all started to come out not on the side of the door but just beside the door and then I looked down and there was a time X watch right that somebody had left a watch an old time X watch and I remember looking at the watch and thinking and I grabbed it and I thought I found a watch I'll just never forget it because it was just like I was in absolute pain I'm doing this thing and putting myself in such harm and potentially go to jail but yeah I find this watch and I think it's like Christmas so how long would it normally take you to the toilet and get a kilo shout out you could do it you could get it all out within like if you if you just went to the bathroom you'd get it all out what it was well if you brought it back to England if you were bringing it straight back you'd make only a couple of grand this is the thing about all this James at the end of the day what I was doing I'd run out of money and I was just doing this stuff to just survive all the money sort of went and go on so all the money had gone and then I was just like doing these things just to get the money to survive just pure survival but absolute recklessness and not caring about myself because ultimately what happens is you don't care about yourself you've just it's their election you've walked out on yourself really so then if I so that then how did you end up homeless over the first or the UK first I wound up in India for a couple of years and then I couldn't get any more visas and I had to come back and then I smuggled some heroin back quite a bit heroin inside again back to England and I mean that's great I could have completely and this is the thing about this is if I think about how many times I've overdosed how I shouldn't be here there's no way the things that's happened to me have been stabbed with guns in my head no even just the things that I've done to myself the amount of overdoses the amount of drugs I've had in my body bringing it across about going into Thailand with loads of heroin going into Malaysia I remember going through the borders and it's Dada means death, drugs means death and sitting on the back of the bus sniffing heroin and there's a big sign saying if we catch you with drugs you're going to be killed but do you think that again comes back to the adrenaline that's a turn on death of drugs so I'm just going to sniff a bit of gear behind a clapper just for that buzz that I couldn't get killed but that's what I need because if I don't have that buzz then my life feels like shit I don't feel alive unless I don't feel truly alive that's the thinking is that I don't feel truly alive unless there's the threat of death unless I could die any moment so when you come back to the UK and then I sold it the girl I was with at the time she was smuggled she smuggled some I was going out with this girl, she was a Jewish girl she's dead now lots of the people I was around are dead overdose, suicide use your suspects if you're dabbling yeah absolutely and so she was getting parcel sent across I wound up then going to Israel with her because she got nicked I wound up going to Israel with her and then I'm in Israel and try to clean up I was going to go on a caboose but that never really happened because I found in Israel I found heroin half the price of where it was here and better quality so we just wound up using in Israel and then I came back and then it was about another four years of just pain just being on the street just like you know and that's why the big issue and stuff you know the big issue now I'm a trustee the big issue I've been a trustee for a few years now so when did so everything you've came through already abuse, mentally, physically drink, drug abuse prison, Spain even prison in Scotland to being homeless, to nearly dying being stabbed, guns in the head when did you go fuck this what I'm changing I was 32 so I never get clean until I was 32 well I got it when I got I got recovery when I got it but at 32 I absolutely was smashed you know I was an absolute rock bottom and I thought I was suicidal, I was absolutely suicidal every day I was thinking I just want to kill myself and then what happened is I got arrested wound up in Belmarsh and I got shorts I got like the motivation was to avoid I got clean but the motivation was coming from a place to avoid a prison sentence maybe three year sentence but actually wound up getting into rehab in London and I really thanked the NHS if it wasn't for back then funding and I know in Scotland funding's really really tight in Scotland and they don't really put enough money into rehabilitation at all they put a lot of money into methadone but anyway I wound up in this rehab a detox near where I live now and I I think I had a rock bottom I was really my ego was deflated enough for me to have humility to know that I need help I can't do it on my own I need to get some help but it just happened that the people were there I got into the rehab and then when I was only like two weeks clean I went to there was a sort of 12 step music night thing and Eric Clapton came in so what happened is I was there with this friend who's also dead Alan and he said that's Eric Clapton that just walked in the venue and it was a crappy little church hall where they were doing this event they were doing this music thing there was about 100 addicts who were all sort of in recovery and there was a music thing going on and he walked in and he stood at the side of this there wasn't even a stage, there was just a step going up and he stood at the side played his instrument and what was mad about it was when I was a kid the two posters I had on my wall were Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page both of which I've met I've only met twice but Jimmy I've met several times but what happened is that he so he I went up and started to speak because my friend said oh could you get me his autograph right you'll know me to get autographs you'll know me to go and ask celebrity people but I didn't know I was all naive to it so I went up and started to speak to Eric and he said it's just where are you and I said I'm in a rehab I'm in a detox just up the road and he was like eight years I went through that tragic thing where his son died you know and got through that whole thing clean and so he was like really like that's good that you're there he was like really humble and really compassionate and I came out of that event and I thought what a buzz man what a buzz that I've just met this sort of like celebrity you know but what it was was not so much about meeting him was just the fact that I could have fun when I'm clean that I could actually after letting go of drugs and alcohol I could actually have fun and enjoy myself and I had a good night that night listening to the music and I was completely clean and you know and I guess what happened from that that just really drove this ambition in me to remain clean it didn't happen because at the beginning it's difficult because my head it's so strong and it's going come on you can just do it one more time you just like have a drink you can smoke a puff right a dope was like a big one saying oh you could just smoke a couple of joints you know you had a problem with your hair or crack or but you know you don't really you could go back to the days where you just smoked a bit of weed that's what it starts and then you need heavier stuff to create that dope because eventually when you smoke enough you don't get that buzz you need to jump for addiction so when you come because you've listened to your story to now having a clinic in Harle Street and rubbing shoulders with the biggest names in the world and it's some fucking story how did you become so I went to school then I got like I thought right I met a counsellor my counsellor back then was from here from Easter house as well Tony and he was like he said he was like saying to me you know just stay clean you've got to stop gambling as well as soon as I put down the drugs gambling was the next one that came up because gambling was underneath this wet so I had to stop gambling last bet was on the Cheltenham Go Cup that was like 22 years ago and so so he had been a therapist and he had all these qualifications and I just modelled really what I've seen other people by going to 12 step groups I started to see other people who had really changed their life around who had really like a bit further down the road two years or three years clean and they were working now productive members of society taking responsibility, getting married having children and I started to think well that's what I want I want all that stuff really and how am I going to do it identify my own like the stuff that I talked about at the start is like having the addictions inside that it's like having a flatmate who never goes out it's always that that addiction is there but it's just not as powerful as it used to be so the idea is to know that I enemy isn't it to know to get more awareness of myself and to know my addiction as much as I can to protect me from it's like that mafia saying keep your enemies close my enemy I guess is my although it's got a positive aspect to it but if it goes into a destructive aspect it's really it will kill me do you know what I mean fundamentally and it does it kills people continually doesn't it Amy Winehouse the list is massive isn't it it continues to happen so I started to realise okay I need to get really familiar and then I started to do counselling courses to train has been a therapist and then I became quite addicted to just bettering myself yeah yeah so I just done one like after another one I don't learn the year award down in Bournemouth I was in a rehab in Bournemouth I done a diploma in family therapy an NLP diploma a foundation degree in management then slowly over time I started I was working then I started to manage services then bigger services and then I done a traumatology to be a traumatologist a post-grad and traumatology so I've just kept on doing things to better myself academically but at the same time I understand you as well I understand me as well but also realise that my addiction as well even if it's not an outward symptom as in drugs and alcohol but there's a part of me that wants to try and restrict me and keep me small and being aware that it uses procrastination it uses a number of different tools a part of me now I know this is part of the human condition as well but there's a part that will hinder me from achieving goals so what I started to do was I said right okay well what I've done a goals list and said right okay well what do I want to achieve I want you write a book so then I thought right okay I need you write a book I want you write I want to get bring these people on to paper I met Pete Townsend way back Pete Townsend I used to go to a meeting he was at the meeting and we were speaking he was part of a publishing house he heard my story he said listen you've got to get this on paper you've got to get it on paper and his that him saying that was really I mean I've like I gave him a sort of a thanks in the book but basically then I sort of started to write the book and the same time my dad died when I was writing the book I got my dad's agreement he put him in the book you know like and stuff and I got a book and then what I'd done was I had a book launch and I got Jim there was just people people that all came to the book launch which was which was amazing and and then I just targeted all the newspapers TV and then got on you know and done like had this campaign really to get the media and then the books were selling like I was in the it's daily right so and then from that was like okay what's next what's next and then it was about a couple of years later okay what are you going to do in Harleys 3 you know and just continued you know continue to build your life really how do you feel now internally how do you feel well when I think about from where I came from I feel such gratitude that I mean absolute gratitude that you know from the mark and my of active addiction pain and misery that it took me to which it always will if you've got an addictive personality it doesn't go anywhere you know there might be some glamour for some time but eventually always goes down even if you've got all the money and stuff it's still you know it's about your emotional absolutely not going to truly satisfy you absolutely because look at a lot of the rocks now look at the people who have got you know they've not got consequences like I have tax muggle drugs but they've wound up they've got masses amount of money but they stop because they hit an emotional rock bottom they can't do it anymore it doesn't work the drugs like the verse song isn't it the drugs don't work so how if people know it's great but I still you know on a daily thing I don't have any obsessions with drugs at all I've not had any obsessions with drugs or alcohol for long long long time so don't get that but I can see how how that addictive drive can in a negative way could sabotage you know like I've got to be really careful doing work that I don't work you know like become workaholic it's finding balance just spend time with your kids yeah my children yeah to find balance and no realise that work isn't everything as well because we forget sometimes we can concentrate on the finishing line too much we forget to actually live in the present moment and enjoy life because I know your good friends and as well yeah one friends but also yeah yeah and so so I've known like a lot of the people that I I've created friendships with I've known them from quite a while you know because like I've just met them yeah yeah and we you know and cause he's done the foreword and the boot and all that as well so it's like because it doesn't matter what it doesn't matter what your you know your sort of outward appearances or your status is or you know addiction just destroys anyone that has an addictive personality so I guess you know I've been really what I think about that is I've been really really fortunate it's I've had such an interest in life you know completely but again you've kind of got to thank everything because you didn't do all that then you wouldn't be helping people survive the now and I think you've got to rock bottom and trauma to realise that wait a minute I've got more to give I can change my life in your your prime example that you can change from being drug smuggler and addicted to everything homeless and you've done it you've done it you've got to give yourself so much credit which you do anyway your clinic itself what stuff do you do in the clinic is that it's just all people addiction different you know addiction is it any medication or is that I don't I don't prescribe it because I'm not a doctor but I just like it's just all psycho educational and counselling that I provide and some trauma work you know like so a lot of times that a lot of the clients that come and see me if you if you take away the drugs and if you take away the outward behaviour when you go back to the root of it you can see there's been trauma and early childhood then our child because a lot I mean a lot of the people that I've witnessed and I see and there's a lot of what I recognise is there's lots of public who have been through the public school system really who have it's a different type of emotional neglect because they've just been sent away by their parents to a public school and then there's maybe been some sexual abuse but maybe even if there wasn't sexual abuse abandoned they've been abandoned so they might have had all the material trapped they might have had everything you know like there might be an eating or there might be whatever you know an oxford but yet at the same time I mean I guess the difference is do you want to be abandoned emotionally neglected in a counsellor state in Easterhouse or do you want to be abandoned in Barbados it's hard to raise the perfect kid it's hard to be the perfect parent because we don't know as human beings we don't know what the right way is we just know deep inside what's right and what's wrong we can't there's plenty of people in private schools who have got the biggest evictions in the world there's plenty of people from you let yourself come from rock bottom to change their life do you need that life experience to become that person that you should be because it's hard to give some to kids everything and give them everything but they're missing that love they're missing that affection that's where you all tamper with drugs to get that connection where you feel loved or feel important or maybe get an abusive relationship and crave that father figure it's weird to what would you say was the right way there's no right or wrong way what would you say for a person who was trying to be a better version of themselves to a better life who had addiction problems or problems to be how would you advise to go for it? I think definitely to get to start to look now we've got so many resources online even this what you're doing here James is brilliant work around you're providing this sort of educational stuff really information about how to bring on various guests I think by try to research for the person to try and reach out and to ask for help it's really important that first step of going to drug service I mean like there's loads of services out here even in Scotland really you've got places that are non-funded like so where you don't you just need funding from the government like Jericho House or you've got other places like Abercair, Scotland which are like private funding where you need money to go into but there's lots of types of drug services there's lots of drug services that are available but going and speaking with somebody too is really really important but also to know that there's loads of self-help groups which is a free resource so there's like lots of different 12-step groups but there's also other forums that are smart and stuff like that too which is in Scotland as well which are like self-help groups which are which are different in a way because they don't have a they use cognitive behavioural tools really for people to get clean and sober or address gambling or whatever it is so just to I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone men because it's the isolation and it's the shame that keeps people stuck in addiction you know really and the pattern of behaviour so to know that they can get help but the first thing they've got to do is they can't do it on their own we all need to get that initial help from someone that can model good behaviour you know like and then from there you can stay on track and have a completely different way of life Excellent, I love that Before we finish up, what was the thing we spoke about earlier, kinetics? Epigenetics, yeah it's really important Epigenetics good to research some of that stuff because what they're trying to say what they are saying now the latest sort of scientific data evidence base really is that they're saying that we can change the genetics right so if we've got predisposing genes so an example me and you know family of addiction you know we've got we've got a predisposing gene factor but they're saying that the environment the environment 70% of what makes that gene on and off is the environment so if you were surrounded by an environment or it was created an environment was created that was really sort of nurturing somehow or that could provide a completely different message from what your genetic code your DNA your normal sort of driver then that can really change whether or not you develop an addictive process so if you just look up epigenetics and addiction there's lots of like there's some TED Talks on there and in the last 5 or certainly last 5 or 6 years it became much more pronounced there's more people talking about it and it's really interesting have you ever been on TED Talks? No I've been trying to get on TED Talks because you should be on that telling your experience and how to change and how to build your life and everything I talk about is the mindset and try to be the better person in myself but for your stories it's phenomenal mate I really enjoyed that today just before we finish up again sorry mate your book gone what's this about? That's the self-help book that I've got it's just giving tools and understanding there and how to change addictive processes and that one there the nothing you declare is the biography it's actually called nothing to declare confessions of an unsuccessful drug smuggler dealer and addict so the title sort of tells you all and that's about the transition that's about coming from that life and then the process of change and getting into recovery really and working people buy your books? They're on Amazon Amazon get them out check them out you just gave me these books today but we actually spoke about Alan McGee the Waces the New Sign the Waces and I've actually got Alan in this you've got him in the show I know it's brilliant so it's synchronicity and things are happening and trying to keep them on to better people's life but Mark unbelievable story that's one of my best podcasts I've done it's a really good book your story is great and for what you're doing and what you're achieving now is again mate it's phenomenal and I really thoroughly enjoyed your and I've loved it James it's been great it's great meeting you cheers mate more to come thank you please make sure you subscribe to my youtube channel and also click the notifications button so you're notified for when my next video goes on my channel you can also catch me on twitter at jamesenglish0 or instagram at jamesenglish2 or facebook at jamesenglish11 you can also download these podcasts on podbean or itunes I just want to say thank you to my sponsors fire suppression Scotland and select blinds for also sponsoring this episode for all your fire safety requirements fire alarms fire extinguishers fire risk assessment fire doors and also CCTV fire suppression have your safety as their main priority for inquiries you can contact them on 01698 200 562 or email on infoat fire suppression scotland.org at select blinds if you want to find something unique then select blinds is a place for you they take pride in their ability to manufacture blinds to order using a range of materials and fabrics they can take your needs specifications and instructions to use them to create blinds of any colour or style if you're looking for something that you've seen in a catalogue the naked per range of popular blinds and stock each of which can be modified and sized to fit your windows perfectly whatever they're looking for an individual item or something that's off the shelf select blinds will give you that ideal choice when you make a purchase at select blinds the delivery and fitting is also free of charge for inquiries for select blinds give them a call on 01236 4436 or drop them a message on facebook page select blinds and shutters AM events are specialists in party wedding and event planning management they offer services from full event planning and management right down to the stand alone venue dressing AM events drive for 100% customer satisfaction every time from email updates and how about the event planning is going managing the day of the event they will support you the whole way through so for more information to make a booking pop down to their showroom at unit 2 foundry street atlas industrial estate in glasgo their phone number is 01412373020 so pop along or else their social media pages are on facebook AM events and also instagram at amevents.glasgo