 Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Are you seeing the 10-year challenge? Yes. Are you seeing the differences between the men posting and the women posting? I haven't seen too many men post on Facebook, but I've seen a couple. Yeah. It's not looking too good. What do you mean by that? A lot of the... So, OK, let's start here. The whole idea of men age like wine, women age like milk is not an idea. What? Who said that? Somebody said that. They weren't talking about black women. No, they're talking generally. They're talking generally. So, the idea is based on the fact that as a society, we've decided that a men's beauty is in his wallet, for the most part. And we've decided that a woman's beauty is in her youth and her fertility and her actual aesthetic beauty. And unfortunately, men reach their peak earning potential around 45. So, based on society's definition, men get more beautiful over time. We grow beers and start connecting. Yeah. We have a certain disposition as we gain experiences and things like that. Whereas a lot of times, unfortunately, not only is mother nature taking a toll, but also baggage. You become jaded over time. You become less agreeable. And these are things we associate with masculinity. And that's why you see men complaining that women tend to be masculine. They need to walk in their feminine energy. Yeah, exactly, like unwavering, especially as they get older. So, why is this guy, who was the swan and the duck or whatever, who was a duck back in high school or even college, but he had his head down. He was doing what he needed to do. Now, he's making six figures, his beard connected. I'm saying his musculature came together. And he's 32 years old. Why should he want you 32-year-old here, essentially? Why should that be? OK, this is how I feel about this situation. Talk to me. The trauma that we experience in any sense of the word, in being younger in our lives, that is on us to fix this, people. So, if you can't get over the fact that little Sally Sue hurt your feelings back in the day because she wasn't attracted to you. So now, you go out here, and you decide that you don't want to be with anybody, and you want to make all the rest of the women in the world pay, that is a problem that you have. That is not the woman's fault for not being attracted to you when she was younger. That is an inner self-worth problem that you didn't see the worth in yourself when you were younger. You only see it now that you've reached this ID, that you've reached your peak of success. So just because women were attracted to you back in the day, why does every woman have to pay for that now? I'm a big, I'm a huge, huge mental health person. Like, go to therapy, been to therapy, probably need to go back to therapy at this point in my life, like, what I've been through in the past, I go to therapy to make sure that I don't bring that into my future relationships, platonic or romantic. So, because someone hurt your feelings back in the day, why do you have to take that out on other people? So, to me, if somebody, if it's the same woman that didn't want you back in the day, and now she's like, oh, you know, hey, Ali, you looking good? Like, you probably like, girl, I know what you're about. I don't think it's about the same woman. I think it's about the same archetype, the woman. You know, the girl who you knew was bad in high school or in college. Now she got two kids and she's trying to spin the block. I see this all the time, though. Like, I think sometimes I just think that women and men like live into fairy tale worlds, because I see this all the time on Facebook, like, is your high school crush still fine? And be all the men, commenting, hell nah, she ugly and fat and she got full of fat kids. Like, what? Like, does that make you feel better? Like, you know, like, are you happy that she's unsuccessful because she dubbed you back in the day? So, I'm not saying that the man, like, oh, you need to give every single woman a chance that comes beating at your door that didn't want you back in the day. But I would like to see men, like, then give women a chance because where they are now and stop making women pay for the things that other women did. And same thing with women. Women need to do the same thing. Yeah, because I knew you were going there. Women need to do the same thing. Like, stop making other people pay for your traumas. Like, same thing with generational trauma. Like, oh, you don't want to pass it down. Well, work on it. Work on it. Go fix it. Put in the conscious effort and the inner work that, you know, and to get to where you want to be. And I'm not saying that the man or the woman, you know, because, you know, women grow up and we, you know, she might have been a stick back in the day. Now she big. And now all the men want her. So it's like, it's the same thing. Like, don't take out, sometimes I think you think we take things like a little bit too personal too. And like, that's one thing that I'm really big on. Just like choosing your battles. Like, a lot of the times how people treat you has more to do with them than it has to do with you. Like it has less to do with who you are and more so than it does to have to be like, it's them that is the reason they're treating you that way. It's not you, it's them. Like, they may just be attracted to who they are, who they want it, who they are attracted to. And you're just not that person. Even though you may feel like you have everything in the bag and like you may feel like, I mean, that's awful right now. I'm like, damn, I'm like, I'm a good ass on it. I've been single for two years though. So it's like, you can't hurt people, hurt people. And you can't let that affect too much of how you're feeling, that's how I feel. As a black man, as a black man who is relatively conscious, as a black man who tries to be empathetic and considerate, there is, and again, I'm gonna speak for myself, maybe other black men may agree or may disagree. There is a certain level of grace that I have to initiate and maintain when dealing with a black woman. First of all, I have to make up my mind that I want a black woman. I say it all the time, black people are impossible to love unless you love black people. The decision has to start before you try to pursue that because I understand colorism took a toll on black girls, right? I understand that a Eurocentric beauty standard took a toll on black girls, right? So when I'm dealing with a black woman, I have to be conscious of these things regardless of whether or not she has therapized her issues or she's currently therapizing her issues. I have to be conscious and I have to be graceful, right? The question is, do black men deserve a similar grace? I do, that's what you're calling me. And if they do, first of all, so do they deserve a similar grace? Why or why not? And do they get it or do they not get it? And why or why not? Black men for sure deserve a similar grace. I don't even go on a limb and say they even deserve more grace. Not to cut you off, but the reason I ask that question is a lot of times when we dialogue around that whole spin in the block concept, there seems to be dismissal and trivialization of how traumatic that was for boys, right? And it's a you problem and you need to get over it and this and that. But I can't say that to black women. Yeah, you can, you should. I don't. Why not? Because... Is that a part of your grace? Well, it's a part of my grace, but just from an intellectual place, I understand how much who we are as adults is shaped by those critical years in middle school, high school. So to tell somebody, a person, not just a man or a woman, to simply just get over it. Or simply you're grown now. So it's almost immoral. Okay. But we get that a lot. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Um, I think you should start telling black women, and I'm not saying it in a harsh way, but more about themselves, because my friend, I wouldn't consider him my friend. This guy that we know, he clocked me earlier this year. And, oh, last year, when he's 21, it hurt me so bad. Clocked you? He told me, okay. So I went through, oh, Lord, I hope you don't see this. I went through a rough break up in April of 2020. Went through that. That's when I started going back to therapy, just figuring out who I was. I was in a relationship for four years, and it ended very abruptly, getting out of the pandemic. So it was January of 2021. And he was just like, he told me, he was like, you act like I hurt black women. And I said, I was pissed. I was livid. I was like, I have done all this work on myself, and da, da, da, da, da. And, you know, how could you say that to me? Like, you're an asshole. I can't believe you can say that. You just stood out to hurt my feelings. And then we fell out in talk after that. And I happened to have a guy I was hanging out with at the time. Hey, you know. Sneaky link. I wouldn't even call it that. He was just, he was all right. And so I actually was like, this is the first person that I had started hanging out with post-relationship, post-breakup. So I asked him, I said, do I operate like a hurt black woman? And he was like, well, he was like, yeah. He was like, you do, but I can understand why you act like that because of what you've been through. That really took me back. Like, I couldn't believe that they had said that to me because in my mind, I was like, what do you mean I act like that? Like, I've been through therapy. I've done all these projects. I've done all this processing. I've done all this reading. I've done everything I can. I didn't date for a year. You know, how am I still acting like a hurt black woman? But after a couple of months, I realized I was acting like that. And I was hurt. And I was projecting that on to other people. And if he would have never told me that, I probably would still be out here. Like, you know, for lack of a better word, a bitch. Like, because, you know, because I'm internalizing that hurt. And I'm not seeing it because I thought I had put the work in, but other people are seeing it. So I think you need to be more honest with black women. And I'm not saying that you have to say it in a way that's like, you're a bitch. But, you know, you can say like, I think you have some things you need to work on. And that's okay, in my opinion. I forgot your question. No, no, no, no, no, let's stay here. Because I want to push back just a bit. So the majority of audience right now is men. You know, I'm trying to make it more 50-50, but you know, this is where the ministry is, okay? So with that being said, you're going to, not only are you going to, but I've already seen a lot of men, 50-year-old men, say that even during the times when I showed grace, even during the times when I confronted these things, whether I did it in a way that was empathetic and kind, or whether I did it in a way that was abrasive, the general sentiment amongst, not just black women, but women in general, is one of which you go girl, black girl magic, you can do no wrong, can't nobody tell you shit. So critique and criticism isn't received at all. Not even well at all, right? So what advice do you have to give to these men in light of the fact that what you're saying sounds good on paper? It doesn't work. Your emotional intelligence has to be high enough to know the woman that you're talking to in your audience. If a man in the comments on this video when it gets posted, tells me that I'm fucked up and I have problems and all this shit, I don't give a fuck about what he says because he doesn't know who I am. But if you are with a person that you care about, platonic or romantic and you see things that need to work on and you understand how to communicate with them effectively, you should try to communicate with them effectively in the best possible way that you know how. My best friend and I, we communicate very different. And she used to tell me that some of the things that I would say to her were her feelings a lot. And it made me think about the way that I had to communicate with her and be better about my communication with her. So I would consciously not hurt her feelings because I don't want my best friend to feel like I hurt her feelings. So when you have this type of relationship that you understand how to communicate effectively with those people, because you care about them and you built that sense of trust, I think you should approach the situation like that. Just kind of figure out what's the best way to get it across. Now how that person receives it, that's not your problem. Honestly, that's not your issue anymore because. If it's your wife, it is. Yeah. If it's your daughter, it is. If it's your mom, it is. So a certain extent, yeah, it is. But like, now this is probably a bad analogy because you know, I go back to like, I think Will and Jada, I think Will said something about like, you know, you can't control her happiness if she's unhappy with herself or unhappy with other things that are going on in the world. I can only contribute to that so much. So if you don't receive what I'm saying to you and what I'm coming from the best place possible and I'm trying to help you and I'm not saying with any, you know, malintent, but you still take it like that, that's a very personal issue. Like in my opinion. So I want you to answer that question in a different way in the sense that, you know, I'm a 28 year old black male. And for my whole life, I've been told all the ways, whether it's from society, other men or women, all the ways that I need to be a better man, right? And in turn, or in the same breath, all the ways that I'm inherently insufficient as a man. So I want you to answer the question in, from the perspective of what can the female delegation do better to further this conversation? I mean, it's kind of like what you said before, like, we have to be more, you guys, a lot of black men feel that we cannot take criticism at all. So we have to work on being more receptive to people telling us things that we may not 100% agree with. And that's a part of life, whether it's coming from your boss or your husband. Like there's no like 100% happiness, 100% positivity, 100% like you're correct across the board in any aspect of life. So if you can take criticism in the workplace, you should be able to work on getting to the point where you can take criticism in relationships. You know why they, a lot of women don't. Why? Because I think there's been a precedent set to not believe, you know, the same believe black women. There's been a precedent set to not believe black men.