 the rights of the private parts. The right of your private part is that you protect it from fornication and guard it against being looked upon. Salaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Welcome to Live in London. Throughout the season we'll be discussing different topics in the Rasalaatul Haqq, the Treaty of Rights by Imam Stajad. We'll be looking at the rights of the hands, the rights of the legs, the rights of the eyes, the rights of the tongue. Let us move our discussion to the rights of the private parts. Why would Islam discuss such a taboo topic? I mean, isn't this a bit sensitive? Isn't this a bit inappropriate? And what about sex education in the West being taught to children at such a premature age? What kind of implications does this have with our community? Pre-marital relations. Is this the main cause for fornication? And how do we address it? This and much more will be discussed with Dr. Sayyid al-Mahnaq. As-salamu alaikum doctor. Wa alaikum as-salamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh How are you this evening looking very fly? Alhamdulillah, very well. Thank you. Alhamdulillah. Sayyid, a lot of people would think that talking about such issues like this is very inappropriate taboo. Maybe it should be kept behind closed doors. Why has Imam Stajad actually discussed the private parts as one of the rights? I'm not really interested in what a lot of people think. I think too many human beings care about what many people think instead of actually coming to the core of what the religion teaches and the values of the religion. And if someone's looking to please the people, Steve Jobs used to say, if you want to please the people, go sell ice cream. At the end of the day, you'll find that when it comes to topics such as this, if you're thinking about, oh, I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I might say something inappropriate. Then if Islam claims to be a way of life, then one of the key areas in the life of the human being is their sex life. At the end of the day, there are many human beings who recognize that procreation is fundamental in the future of humanity. Therefore, there has to be ethical guidelines as to the future of humanity and how exactly one directs their sexual organs. The prophets of God, peace be upon them, did not shy away from discussing every issue. Political, social, economic, sexual issues, all of these issues were discussed by the prophets of God. Today, if you look in the world, you'll find that people are discussing heterosexuality, homosexuality, transgender relationships. People are discussing the sexual energy that exists in the human being and how do we direct that sexual energy in order that it doesn't destroy our society. You see, all of our desires can either lead us to happiness or lead us to destruction. And so when Imam Zayn al-Abideen, peace be upon him, discusses the rights of your sexual organs or as you said, the rights of the private parts, the Imam is making a clear statement to everybody, unless you discuss sexual ethics in your mosques, you will have to realize that there is a possibility of deviation because of how strong this desire is in the life of the human being. There have been nations that have been destroyed because of the sexual energy of the human being overtaking their intellect. If you remember, in the first of the parts of our discussions, when we talked about Haqq and nafs, we spoke about the nafs of the human being and we said, look, you've got the power of intellect, the power of imagination, the power of anger, and the power of desire. If the power of desire overtakes the power of the intellect, you can destroy societies. So the Ahlul Bayt al-Alim al-Salam, being a reflection of the words of the Quran, wanted to highlight that if this religion is a religion of God, then it should not shy away from discussing a fundamental aspect of the life of the human being. Excellent. How does Islam differ from Christianity where being more closer to God involves celibacy, it involves detaching yourself from such natural desires, one could say. I think one of the downfalls of certain parts of the history of the church, one may argue is very much related to the idea that celibacy brings you closer to God. And I don't want to generalize because let's not go far and say that Muslim scholars have not had their own issues when it comes to, for example, rape, for example, pedophilia. It exists within the clergy of the religion of Islam as well. But I think when you're looking at, for example, the religion of Christianity, telling the priest that you stay away from sex is going to bring you closer to God, there is a correlation with the number of child abuse cases that took place in many of the churches. If you look in Europe, you look in America, there are many who sadly have been victims of sexual abuse from the clergy. That clergyman was told, if you suppress your desires, like Prophet Yahya, like Prophet Isa, but those are prophets who didn't live for 70 years on this earth. The Prophet Jesus, early 30s, he's not with us anymore. It's not like the Prophet Jesus lived till the age of 69. And then all of a sudden said that, you know what, marriage is not for me. No, Prophet Jesus, in the Islamic opinion, early 30s is when he returns to his Lord. In Christianity, there's an irony which I remember, the famous theologian, Al Baq Al Lani. Al Baq Al Lani said, it is ironic that a religion has clergymen who could not have a child while God had a son. True? When you ask Christians, what's the position of Christ? Many would turn around and say that Christ is the Son of God. But the priest himself could not have a son. Now, there have been reforms in the church where today you find out that there are priests who, for example, can get married. There are now priests who can have an orientation of the same gender relationship, for example. But Islam looked at this form of so-called asceticism, Rahbaniya. And Islam turned around and said Rahbaniya ibtada'uha. This is an innovation of asceticism that they made. It has nothing to do with our teachings. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, and his family, he wanted to make clear that having an active sex life is not only Islamic, it's conducive to the health of the human being. Human being who's suppressing their emotion. Islam did not want suppression, nor did Islam want overflow, where the human being only purely thinks sexually. Rather, Islam wanted that the human being found a balance in their life. And so, the religion of Islam, many are surprised when they hear just how much emphasis Islam places on sex, on the ablution or the ghusul that one performs after having had sex, on the different sexual positions, on what's allowed sexually and what's encouraged sexually. Many assume when they see the stereotypical Muslim husband and wife and they have the stereotype that the wife is probably under the shackles of a form of slavery and oppression, so they assume there is no real sexual relationship. And I can't deny that a lot of ladies in the Muslim world do live very horrid, boring sex lives. Where, sadly, the parent-child relationship, which should blossom into a parent-teenage friendship relationship where you talk openly with your sons and daughters about their sex life, about the importance of sex in the life of the human being, you find that there are many Muslim men who get married and they don't know what's permissible sexually and what's not. But what they are encouraged that that sex is fundamental in the life of the human being. So this is very much unlike Christianity, where Christianity, the idea that may have been espoused by the likes of Paul later on, is that to get closer to God, for example, there are certain things a person should shun. Islam looked at the prophets of God and said, virtually every prophet of God got married. The norm was marriage. The norm was having a sex life. Adam, Eve, Abraham, Sarah and Hajj. You look at, for example, the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon his family and his wives. So the prophets of God, marriage was a norm. Sex was encouraged. Christianity said, no, we take our icons as Christ and, for example, John the Baptist. And because they did not get married, this is a method of getting closer to God. So we completely differ when it comes to how much promotion sex is given in the two religions. Very intriguing. In terms of Islam, and let's take towards the Quran. How does the Quran address sex and also the private part? Well, the Quran is quite vivid. The description is quite vivid and blatant in certain verses. You know, a verse like, your woman are a tilth for you, so enter them as you please. You can't get more vivid than that. You know, it's a very graphic description. Now, when we're going to describe some of these things as the show goes on, you might find that there are certain viewers who might say, well, how could you talk like that? It's not me. When Allah SWT the Quran says that your partner is a tilth for you, enter her as you please, God is making it clear that that sex life has to be active. There is a constant encouragement of getting married within the Holy Quran. But there is also a recognition that that sexual relationship that may take place outside of marriage is something the prophets of God would abhor. Prophet Yusuf, alayhi salam, the famous story of Joseph with Zuleikha. It's a very difficult moment because at that moment he not only is very good looking, but one of the most beautiful women in Egyptian society who probably is a woman who knew how to look after herself. She's in a very aristocratic position. You know, may have been older than him but still looked after herself in the best of ways. And she's now put in a position where she's like, listen, we're alone in this room. Let's have sex with each other. Who's going to know? And one of the biggest tests you face as a human being is truly when you're alone with somebody in a room. They could be married to somebody else. They may be not married, but you don't want to do things in the way Islamic law has taught you. So you decide that no, on the contrary, I prefer to disobey God and I'm going to go ahead with an adulterous act. Yusuf's story is a beautiful story within the Qur'an to highlight that look, this is a prophet of God. Nobody was looking at him except the Almighty God. And I think that's where the Qur'an tries to highlight to us every relationship you have in this world always place Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala as the barometer of where this relationship is heading. And so within the Holy Qur'an you've got the details about the importance of the sexual relationship between husband and wife. You've also got about how Joseph tries to stay away from this adulterous moment, lands him in prison. Indeed, yes. But gives him heavens forever in the day of judgment. Where later on, of course, they realized that it wasn't him who ran after him. So the Qur'an tries to, as much as possible, open up about discussions that we recognize you have sexual desires. But at the same time, don't break the hudud of God. God has set certain boundaries, certain borders. Try not to break those borders in your relationships. Yeah. Doctor, would you say that premarital relations is one of the most influential fundamental seeds that causes fornication? And what about bad marital relationships? So you're married and the marriage is not going well. Does that actually towards adultery? Premarital relationships leading to fornication. Well, fornication and adultery, how are we defining them? If you're defining fornication as you may be someone who's single and you're going to be with someone who may, for example, be married. Or adultery, maybe both of you are married, but you're having sexual relationships behind the scenes. And others define it in different ways as well. I think we can't deny that people before marriage are looking to have a sexual relationship. You know, I know that there are certain people out there who may turn around and say, you should try and fast to keep away from having a sexual relationship or someone recommended having cold showers and so on. And there's only so many cold showers someone's really going to have and only so many fasts someone can really keep. So has God provided within the religion of Islam for a person to have a method of having a relationship before the permanent marriage, which may be known as a temporary marriage? You see, she-ism is often attacked on the internet because of an act that was allowed in the time of the Prophet, peace be upon him and his family, by the name of Mut'a or the temporary marriage. I don't care if someone out there turns around to me and says, you know, this act, yes, it was allowed, but it was prohibited by the Prophet or prohibited by so and so and so and so after the Prophet, peace be upon him and his family. The fact is there was a period where the companions are asking the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon his family, that they have an overflow of their sexual desires. What should they do? And he tells them to temporarily get married. So why are we having this issue of being Mut'a being the subject frowned upon? And, you know, people saying that, oh, this is just, this is like Zina and that legal Zina. I think, firstly, any topic that wasn't so openly discussed that a certain generation, the first generation to hear it is going to bear the brunt of that previous generation. Secondly, you may have certain people who may be married. So they have somebody who they can fulfill their sexual desires with, but then they're having their temporary marriages on the side. So you're going to have a wife who's going to be frustrated that if I've dedicated my life to you and you have me and we've built our relationship together, then why is it that you're now doing Mut'a with other ladies while we are married? Now we know within Shi'a traditions, a person can be permanently married four times or temporarily married as many times as they want. Now this is within Shi'a tradition, but a lot of the abuse that the temporary marriage receives is not because of people who perform temporary marriage before they're married. You know, then they, there may be youth out there who are at college and while they're at college, they got a number of options of how to fulfill their sexual desires. One is to masturbate, but we know that masturbation is prohibited in Islam and that the imams of Ahlul Bayt have made it clear to the extent that they may clear the punishment for masturbation. Then there is a second act, which like you mentioned could be an act of fornication. A person is not married, but he may engage in a certain sexual act. Then there's a third act, which is the temporary marriage. Our brothers in other schools in Islam say that this act, some believe was prohibited by the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family, others believe that it was prohibited by the second caliph. Irrespective, there was a period where the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family felt the way to circumvent adultery from being on the rise is by engaging in a temporary marriage where a dowry and a time period are agreed between two people. That temporary marriage has its own guidelines and a person can refer jurisprudentially to their maraja to see what is the different opinions on who you can have a temporary marriage with, what are the conditions and so on. But the reality is, she as a recognized getting to know one another, the temporary marriage was a solution, even fulfilling of sexual desires. Now some will not like it when you say temporary marriage could, the main reason could be just to have sex. Reality is that is the main reason. Now I might get certain people who might say, and once again, I make it clear that it's not me, it's the Ahlul Bayt who are making clear in their traditions about the temporary marriage. But there may be some people who say, well you're having temporary marriage purely for sex, the main reason is sex. The main reason is a person wants to fulfill their sexual desires. And let's not try and show that it's the men who are the only ones who are thinking about sexual desires. You found that Imam Ali ibn Amitalib a.s. makes it clear, nine-tenths of modesty given to the woman, nine-tenths of desire given to the woman. Nine-tenths of modesty in public, nine-tenths of desire in private. And so there are women out there who may be, for example, divorced. Our community places a stigma on a divorcee that when somebody wants to marry her, but she was divorced. She's done nothing wrong. She's done something which is perfectly acceptable within the religion. But she's a divorcee. Now she may want to get engaged into a temporary marriage. Someone out there who's a widow may want to get engaged into a temporary marriage. Our Sunni brothers now have two forms of marriage which are very interesting and which I can ask anyone to go and research online on many of the websites of the fatawa of Ahlus Sunnah and Jama'a. One is called Zawaj al-Orfi and the other is called Zawaj al-Misyaar. And when you look at these marriages, they are marriages without a time period. So the attack normally on the temporary marriages, well, you put a time period. But likewise, when it comes to a marriage without a time period, hold on a minute, then when does that lady actually know that she's been divorced from you? Or can you marry her for a few months, walk away? Does she know that you broke in the relationship or not? But the Zawafi marriage in Egypt received a backlash, but the aim of it was for couples to get to know one another. Now, this is another of the benefits of the temporary marriage. In the Arab world, when two people get engaged to each other, they do what is known as an aqad or a ketbektab or a nikah, for example. But they're only engaged. They're only engaged. But they've done a nikah at the time of the engagement. The vows have been exchanged. Yes. So what happens is if they break their engagement, they become counted as divorceeers. Whereas the temporary marriage can be used, instead of the aqad of nikah, which is permanent, you can use the mut'a marriage, the two people get engaged. The father sets a time period, a dowry, and conditions for how much interaction the two can have. You find that in the Arab world, those who are getting engaged, mut'a as an engagement is a perfect solution rather than nikah aqad, which then a person who breaks from that is counted as divorcee, even though they've never got married with each other, in the sense of living with each other and so on. So when a person is telling me that premarital relations can it lead to fornication? It can lead to fornication. But a person has to be aware of their jurisprudence, aware of what their jurisprudence allows them. And their jurisprudence allows for them to engage in a mut'a relationship. The second part of the question, if you just repeat it, was related to a dowry as in bad marital relations. Does that lead to a dowry? It definitely could. If a husband, for example, we have a tradition from Imam As-Salaam, that if a husband gets married to a second wife and he neglects the rights and the needs of that first wife, if that first wife commits adultery, the sin is on the husband's shoulders. Now that's with him marrying a second wife. Sometimes there are people who are married to each other, the husband sitting at home, no conversation, no companionship. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family made it clear, the right of your wife is that you engage in dialogue with her. An hour of dialogue with your wife is greater than a whole night's worship in my mosque in Medina. How many of us want to go to the mosque of the Prophet peace be upon him and his family in Medina? Many of us. He says an hour of dialogue with your wife. Notice he says an hour, because a bit more than that could be a headache, but he says an hour of dialogue with your wife is greater than what? Is greater than a night of worship. Don't come and worship a whole night in my mosque when you have not honored your wife in terms of her rights. So the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him made it clear and I think what happens is there are husbands take their wife for granted or there are husbands with no romantic side to the relationship. Sometimes when you have a kid or two, you can go into a real rut where what happens is that you don't go on a holiday the two of you alone anymore. Rather, it's always with the kids, which is great. But when is your own time? When are you two going to be having your own time? And at the same time, your own time can sometimes bring a buzz back into the sexual part of your life because of both of you are going to bed every night in a relationship. Where you've sat down, you've watched some television, but there isn't really any sex in your life. That is going to have a major problem. Now to have that sex buzz come back, a number of factors can be involved. Number one, the husband looking after themselves. And with some of the food we eat in our mosques. But we'll come to that in the next show on the right of the stomach of the human. On Monday, inshallah. So you've got the husband looking after themselves because husband's always telling the wives, why are you not like when I married you? Have you seen yourself? Have you looked after yourself? Secondly, sometimes let's not just blame the husbands. Sometimes there are ladies with the smallest thing and that's it. I don't want to be with you anymore. Or sometimes can forget themselves. And I'm sorry to say that. But when you started off, you are a size good and now you're a size, you know, Michelin tires. And so we don't want to go to that level. Go to a level where a person remains trim. Our parents and grandparents generation didn't get to see many girls. Our dad sees our mom. Alhamdulillah. Move on. Whereas in this generation, you know, people are watching films, programs that there's a certain level now of expectation. And sometimes the mind will wonder when there is no attention being paid, especially if the man's lost their chivalry. And that is fundamental also when it comes to if a woman feels that her man's jealous over her. Or there's a firmness in the man where, you know, because what are we looking for? We're looking for opposites. I'm a man. I'm looking for that feminine softness in my wife. My wife, being a woman, she's looking for the, you know, leadership and dominance there. Strength. Some strength. If that's not there, then the ladies look at you thinking, well, he's a nice guy, but there's no oomph. And so even with some of the men, sometimes it's not about maybe how much sex you're having, but just paying that attention. You look great today. A little text message. I love you. A little flirtatious line. You know, all of these have a bearing on ensuring that the mind doesn't wonder elsewhere. Yeah. Doctor, you were saying how important it is for a man and wife to have sexual relations. I've read somewhere when it comes to Ahqam, that if a man is distant from his wife for more than four months, their marriage is nullified. Is this true? This is a common myth actually in our communities, that if a husband and wife don't have sex for four months, then automatically it's divorced. No, not at all. But certainly the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon his family, you'll find traditions from them. There should never be that period of four months of no sex. That four months is given to us as a boundary. Within those four months there should have been made time for sexual desires to be fulfilled. And let's not say the male sexual desires. You see, many men, having sex with his wife, as soon as he's happy, it just moves away. Doesn't think, has my wife been pleasured? Has my wife pleased with me? You know sometimes what I think it is? Sometimes the men and the women in the Muslim world don't know what's allowed for them, what's not. Big problem. Is this halal or is it not? Nobody knows. And so there are certain marriages, believe you me, where the sexual life of the husband and the wife, if they've had sex in two positions over those years, they've done, that's good for them. Yeah. And this is sad that people don't know about foreplay, about the different pleasures that you're able to have sexually. You know, this brings a smile. I don't care what anyone says. You want a new car and you want an extension to that house and you want some new gift. It's a way to get to the guy and a way to get to the girl. Now the way to get the girl could be a few diamonds and the way to get to the guy, Islam's allowed, you know, but I don't think many of our people know what's allowed, what's not. So would you care to discuss a little bit about what is allowed and what isn't allowed? I mean, foreplay, kiss. Sayid Muhammad Rizvi, resident, the Maulana of the Ja'farri community in Toronto, has a fantastic book, Marriage and Morals. It's available online. Marriage and Morals is a fantastic book which I'd recommend to anyone who's in their teenage years who wants to know about the discussions of the Imams of Ahl al-Bayt, when it comes to sex. Now someone would think Imam al-Sadr al-Salam discusses sex. Imam al-Khanu al-Salam discusses sex. The Imams of Ahl al-Bayt did not leave a single area of this world without discussing it. A single issue in one's life without discussing it. That's why they are the beacons of knowledge. So were sexual positions discussed? Were things like... Yes, I'll give you an example. People ask the question. A man is able to satisfy his wife orally. Someone asked Imam al-Kadem al-Salam a question. He asked him, Can I kiss the vagina of my wife? And that was explicitly mentioned. Our cultures are narrow-minded. We don't discuss these things. Our religion is open-minded. Now someone has to ask the question, Are we going to follow culture? We follow religion. Our culture has forgotten the key elements of the discussions of the Ahl al-Bayt and has now brought up innovations which we don't know about. Imam al-Kadem al-Salam has asked the question, Can a person kiss his wife's vagina? Is this method of sex or foreplay allowed? He said, Yes, there's no issue. Believe you me there are Muslim men out there who probably have never with their wives ever done anything like this. And there are Muslim women out there who I guarantee you, either thought this is not allowed or prevent their men from doing this and then later complain why the sex is not good. One example. Then is a woman allowed to, for example, kiss the private part of the man? This is a question. And when we ask these questions, I know that it reminds me and you of a couple of stories of emails we receive on this show where people ask this and you really, you find it difficult to reply back to those emails by saying, Yes, this particular act is allowed. Because sometimes the phrasing is very interesting. Can the woman do it? What do you mean, can the woman do it? If you're not having that in your marriage, that's one boring bedroom. And even, you know, you're saying boring bedroom, I think you should take it further. Not just the bedroom. Why is everything confined to the bedroom? And someone's going to say, Well, there's kids in the house and so on. Again, there's this boring attitude, which is we go upstairs, room, this, okay, sleep, go back, you know, even. So the ehad al-bayta, I'm saying make it clear. There is a messenger between the husband and wife and that is called foreplay. Okay. Foreplay. A person using their hands and their fingers with their wives, that is allowed. Kissing the vagina allowed. Kissing the private organ of the man allowed. All of these are allowed. I am not saying they're allowed. Imam al-Sadiq, alaihi salam, has discussed them. Okay. Someone might ask the question, for example, with the woman and the man together, no problem. But how about, for example, anal intercourse? And you'll find that there is a debate about the verse. Your woman are a tilth for you. Enter them as you please. Where some say, well, if Allah, saying enter them as you please, there's no issue. Others will narrate, for example, that the Imam say, this is not a recommended act in terms of whether they do it. But if that is bringing satisfaction to your partner and she accepts it, then it can be done. But you'll still find that a lot of the scholars will say that that is an act which they would shy away from, for example. But as he says, okay, I want to use foreign objects. Today, you have in the sex world people who use foreign objects and insert these foreign objects into, for example, their wife. Multimillion pound business. Yes. And this is a reality. And the only reason I discuss this is because we need to know what's allowed, what's not allowed. Exactly. The insertion of these foreign objects to please oneself, there are certain ladies because they are alone in their houses, not with anyone. Or they are married, but bored in the marriage. May use the vibrators, may use these things. And they think it's allowed? No, these things are not allowed. Okay. So, all of these things that Ahlul-Bayt have discussed because now someone says, for example, I have sexual intercourse with my wife. But with that sexual intercourse with my wife, there is this coytist interrupter, swear person, before they ejaculate, they withdraw themselves. This is allowed. The Ahlul-Bayt Imam As-Saleh has asked the question. He says, there is no issue whatsoever. So, Ahlul-Bayt, Alaym As-Salaam, have discussed sex, sexual positions. The problem in our communities is, as you find, there is people, I think they've probably, I'm surprised some haven't committed suicide from how boring their sex life is, really. I mean, we live in a world of 50 shades of grey, you could say. And, you know, we're... Now, we're not saying we go towards the 50 shades. You know, as in, no one's saying, you know, get all of the, you know, the leather and whips out and so on and say, Damascus-type world. No one's saying that, but certainly don't leave it to that mundane, you know, mundane life. No one's saying sex is the be all and end all, but I'll tell you what, it has a major bearing on the happiness between the two. Now, some may not find the sexual buzz with each other and they may decide to divorce, that there is no click there whatsoever. Is that a valid reason? Of course it's a valid reason. Of course. A lady came to the Prophet, peace be upon his family and said, I find my husband ugly. She's not attracted to the guy. Really. Straight up. Not attracted to him. Not having it, no. Likewise, it can happen with the husband, with the wife where you maybe with someone who's a really nice person, good person, well-mannered person, but there's just no sexual buzz or attraction there between the two of you at all. So that could happen. Sometimes there's also a reality that some people have got two or three kids 10 years into a marriage and they're like, our sex is not the same as it was in the beginning. I don't think it's going to be the same. You know, in the beginning, you might have got married in your early 20s where you're a machine walking around. Stamina. Yes. And mind you, even when you mentioned stamina, had our community focused on the importance of going to the gym? Look at the Prophet, peace be upon his family. From his lifetime he said, teach your kids swimming. Yeah. Teach them horse riding. He's saying all these adrenaline sports, all of these sports that keep your stamina going, keep your core strength going, because going to the gym, doing your cardio workouts, that's going to have a major bearing on your sex life. There are certain men, one minute you're lucky. This is a Mo'ajisa from Allah swt. I love his last of the minute. Then there are those who can continue, but they have a problem, for example, with ejaculation. And so, if there is such a problem, there is no issue. A person can go and see their doctors related to these issues. But it's sad when you're with your partner. She's worked her hardest to look after herself and sex for one minute. And then, okay, you know what? I'm tired. Let's just go to sleep. Really, it's saddening when many cases lead to divorce. Thank you very much, doctor. We're going for a short break, but please join us after the break for this lovely discussion that we're having. And, inshallah, we can discuss more on other topics that have been affecting our community in regards to private parts. Inshallah. Join us after the break. Welcome back to our sources discussion here on the rights of the private parts on Live in London. Doctor, I've got a message here that's coming by the WhatsApp and it's from Ali in Norway. And he says that some brothers and sisters, they are blessed with good looks and, well, people are just throwing themselves at them. On social media, they're getting non-stop DMs. So, I'm going to take a short break. I'm going to take a short break. I'm going to take a short break. I'm going to take a short break. They're getting non-stop DMs. I mean, is it really their fault that they're dealing with such pressures and it's very difficult for them to stay away from fornication and things like that? Yeah, I think a person has to, you know, in the age of social media, a person has to be careful who they're interacting with on Facebook, on Instagram, on Snapchat and so on. Because I think if you look recently at the news, they've even caught pedophiles with alias accounts on the social media claiming to be someone of the same age as a child and then meeting them up so that they could rape them or that they could do what they want. A person has to be careful with social media. And I would say that the more prominent you are in the community, the more careful you have to be because people can't wait to find a black dot on your reputation. You know, it's always interesting when you get Facebook messages, I love you, I'm crazy about you. Would you be with me? And then you realize that these are obviously people who are working their hardest to try and destroy your image or destroy your reputation. At the end of the day, temporary marriage is temporary marriage. Whether people like it or they don't, it's part of the lack of imam al-sadaq, alayhi salam. But even then, with the ability that a person can have to do everything legally, a person has to also be aware of the people out there who may sometimes sadly try and cause fitna. Yeah. Just a quick message to all the viewers that we are taking calls and if you have a question you'd like to direct to say it, please call us on 0203 515 0199 and inshallah the same will be able to answer your question. Say it now. We've been discussing sex and we're discussing the private parts. When do you think, or Islamically, when should we discuss this with young children? Because in the West, when I was at school, I learnt in year four, year three. So I was about eight years old, nine years old. That's when I was introduced to. Year four? Yeah, year four. Year three, year four was when I had it. I believe it's even younger now. Yeah, two years. When, Islamically, when should we start discussing these topics with our children? I think the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, gives us an indication that maybe in the first seven years of the life of your child you let them be free. But the age of seven to fourteen is an age in which the disciplining of the soul begins and discipline in the day-to-day life, practical discipline in the life of the human being should be instilled. The ethos of Islam should now be instilled into the male and female in that period. I think in schools these days there is a major dilemma when it comes to sex education. Because there may be certain sexual relationships or preferences that the school wants to encourage. And while a person tolerates that we live in a society where you have to respect, while a person has to tolerate you live in a society where you recognize that people are of different orientations, at the end of the day parents can have a say with their school governing body. That maybe there are certain ages that we don't want our kids at these lessons. But the only way that this is going to happen is by the parents being involved in the school governing body or in the school committees. And many schools are very welcoming not only to have people in the governing bodies but also to have and hear the voices of the parents. Say that we have a caller on the line and we shall be able to get through to them. Assalamu alaikum Your name and where you're calling from? Wa alaikum Assalam My name is Sarah Vaidi I'm from Montreal, Canada. Very nice. Sayyed and you. Thank you very much. You're very well. Your question please for Sayyed. My question for Sayyed is that I belong to South Asian community for example and we have this problem on going where the girls they're getting at the age of maturity and they literally have to sit and wait like a beggar for the guys to come forward or the families involved to ask for your hand. In these cases they feel so suppressed that sometimes they just can't wait they get involved into you know some Facebook friendships and things like that which leads to something what could be done to avoid these kind of problems or what other society we could do because a girl in our culture just cannot go out looking hunting for a man. Thank you very much for your question. Thank you Sarah. I think our mosques are very backward in some cases and if I give the benefit of the doubt to some of our mosques I think they're a bit too precautionary. I believe that our scholars encourage the men and the women that if it's a religious gathering and hijab is being observed they can sit in the same hall. There is no harm even a person if there is a female speaker a person can sit and they can listen to that speaker learn from them a person shouldn't look at the gender of the speaker but rather the content that is coming from them. So one of the ways in which our sons and our daughters can meet should be in our mosques that should be a central place but I remember going to some mosques in my lecture in Korea and I'd been flabbergasted by you know some of the rules I went to one mosque which in the Q&A when brothers and sisters sit in the same hall they switch the lights off so no brothers and sisters can see each other which is a bit of a baffling atmosphere Do you think this adds to the tension? No I just think you know what sadly sadly instead of the brothers and sisters being able to get to know each other then they complain later on why is my daughter married someone from outside of the religion that's because the mosques won't allow you to mix I've also seen cases where there's a clear barrier between the men and the women and so or a partition look a partition I can understand but at the end of the day it's a religious gathering it's in the mosque what's wrong with our youth airing you know being allowed to express their views and their opinions so I think our mosques play a fundamental role likewise I think the families should play more of a role of communication with their sons and daughters to hear their feelings there are certain girls who want to get married at 18 there are others who want to continue their studies and get married in their mid 20s there are others who may say well I don't have an intention to get married now but if a good suitor came problem sometimes there's no father daughter mother daughter communication no girl's gonna necessarily go up to her mom and say look I really want to get married now and many moms feel awkward or many dads feel awkward to open a discussion I think there needs to be a bit more of that communication as you see in the wonderful story in the Quran or Shuaib and his daughter when Nabi Musa they met him has a word with his daughters tell his daughters to tell him that the man's trustworthy the man's strong interesting they look at a physical aspect of him and a spiritual aspect the physical is that he's strong you want to look for someone you're attracted to someone buff and this is a reality that you want to look at someone you're attracted to and he is trustworthy that when we came back home he didn't mingle too much with us there was a bit of respect that was shown he never went into any haram territory and then Nabi Shuaib makes it clear that I want you to marry in chapter 28 you'll find the story I want you to marry one of my daughters so here you have a brilliant example of a father or a mother openly discussing with their daughters what their daughters feelings are let's also make another point in Shi'ijir's prudence the majority opinion is that while the girl is dependent on her father she cannot really make any decisions cannot enter a relationship without seeking the approval of the father but this is not an opinion of all the scholars there are some scholars who say if that girl has reached a age of independence and maturity and will not get herself involved in a haram act then she herself can entertain getting to know somebody with the hope that marriage occurs thank you very much so quick reminder to all the viewers we are taking questions and if you'd like to call in get us on 0203 5150199 or alternatively you can get us on the whatsapp so we were discussing sex education with young children it has occurred to me when I read this in the newspaper they are actually teaching also homosexuality they are actually challenging young children into sexual identity that even to a case there was a four year old boy that wanted to become a girl and the parents couldn't really intervene or entertain it but this boy is no longer a boy and the girl is four years old these are really scary for someone like myself and thinking about what are they going to be teaching my children in terms of sexual identity in terms of sexuality in the near future they have got every right to teach what they want to teach I am no one to sit here and say this is what can be taught in schools or not but every school also has a structure which is a democratic structure which recognizes the voices of the parents of the children there may be certain books that are studied which some may say I don't want my child to attend the teaching of that book if that class is not compulsory and if the class is compulsory there are ways in which a person can recognize what is sensitive to other religions but we need to have our voices there Shia Islam or the Shia school was not part of the GCSE curriculum of recognizing the principles of the school now, Alhamdulillah we have that Shiaism is to be understood within the GCSE curriculum that showed that if you got in touch with the university boards, the exam boards the academic world politically you met the education ministers then you are able to have a say on what you want your child to be exposed to and when you want them to be exposed to it Sayidna Homosexuality becomes stance on homosexuality surely we can't be teaching our children that this is okay and this is legally you are asking me or ethically you are asking me legally if you are asking me Islam is the same as Judaism in their belief that it is an act which is prohibited ethically I will not show hate to another human being because of their sexual orientation I live in London I may go for example to let's say a clothing store or a supermarket or a hairdresser or I have a colleague in banking or law or medicine who are of a particular orientation I will never show hate towards them because of their sexual orientation if they ask me about my religious legal beliefs I will say us and the Jewish community both believe that it is prohibited Judaism prohibits homosexuality and Islam prohibits however for a Muslim to now see someone in London or in New York or in LA and start bad mouthing or being rude to them because of their sexual orientation this is not something acceptable Thank you very much very insightful Doctor there was talking about protecting the private parts something that I think affects everyone in terms of private parts and in terms of children is the terrible epidemic the terrible disease which is pedophilia last week we had a tragic we heard tragic news from Pakistan in regards to Zaynab a young 7 year old girl who was raped and murdered and her body was just thrown Islam and Muslims as a community we have been targeted in the west we have been targeted to have rape gangs we have been targeted as well as other religions but we have also been targeted for having pedophilic crimes in our community how do we address this should we keep this in our community and speak to the elders and try to solve this issue amongst us should we go to the local authorities and take it further with the government Zaynab the story is truly a tragic story and the sad thing is that there's hundreds of other cases of that same abusive, rapist, pedophile which have not been resolved in Pakistan but that pedophilia is also here in this country pedophilia in America there are separate jail sections for the pedophiles but it's sad when in a Muslim country there are separate cases of pedophilia that you'd expect someone to have the ethics of the religion of Islam and not take an innocent girl has not even reached the age of adolescence and abuse her and kill her and our prayers truly are with the family of this girl but with the family of so many other kids in that country but there is a need for us to begin to address these issues where we can't remain silent on the fact that watching who's teaching our kids, being present when our kids are going to schools having teachers at our schools imams at our schools learning, counseling and also being checked these are things that are going to have to come into the Muslim community very soon Doctor I'll call her in the line Salam Alaikum, your name and where you're calling from Salam Alaikum my name is Rob I'm calling from Lebanon Salam Alaikum, your question please for the Sayyid I just want to thank the Sayyid first of all for changing my life and that's honestly true the second thing I wanted to ask him was what should one do after moving from a western country to a Middle Eastern country and as you know it differs greatly so one would be in the west and then suddenly be cut off in the Middle East if you know what I mean so you find your option very limited as to what you can do sexually so if the Sayyid can help on that and give me like a solution or maybe some idea of what is permissible but it's not permissible for us to do as here it's not very acceptable to just do like as we know Muqa is not hadam but it's not very accepted in the society that surrounds me and that surrounds me so should I just go get married if you know what I mean and again I want to thank the Sayyid he truly changed my life thank you very much for your question please say your comments there's a great question and I think the permanent marriage has to be the norm not the exception Muqa is the exception Muqa comes into play because the person does not want to commit that which is forbidden but the permanent marriage should be the norm and someone like the brother who has called there should be an encouragement towards the permanent marriage speak to your parents speak to your friends get to know someone with the intention that inshallah you can build your life with them the holy prophet peace be upon his family would say that Niqaah is from my sunnah and whoever stays away from my sunnah is not from me and therefore he mentions how important it is to get married and that it's half of one's religion and no Imam of Ahlul Bayt live their life by only being a temporary marriage all the norm for them was the permanent marriage the prophet would say the Khadija would not marry anyone else just Khadija until she died and then you have Imam Ali bin Abi Talih and not marry anyone else until she died and so what I would encourage is that the norm has to be the permanent marriage no doubt say that we were discussing a little bit about pedophilia and what I wanted to ask you personally was issues like this do you think we should keep this within the community and the community handle it or do you think we should give it to the authorities well any sexual issue pedophilia, rape and so on we don't want to go one extreme or the other we don't want to remain silent about it nor do we want to now go on a movement of now possibly accusing people of being in pedophilia or in rape situations who themselves were not it's a fine line you know in this world you can destroy someone's reputation in a split second it's very easy to make an accusation about someone and people who for example don't like that person will accept that accusation straight away and so what you have is certain people now in the Muslim world you find that there are scandal cases which may be related to let's say certain renowned personalities the easy thing to do is to straight away jump on that bandwagon when you jump on that bandwagon you can easily at that moment when you jump on the bandwagon without verifying how much the Quran says In Jaaakum Fasikum Binaba Infa Tabayyanu Entusibu Qawman Be Jahalatin Infa Tusbikhu Ala Ma Fa'altum Nadimeen the Quran says O you who claim to have Iman O you who believe O you who claim to have belief you call yourself a mu'min okay this is the criteria for a mu'min In Jaaakum Fasikum Binaba Infa Tabayyanu when an evil person comes to you with news verify that news because you may end up putting someone in a state of ignorance with a title of ignorant with a title of someone who is far away from the religion then you regret what you've done we are told many times there is four fingers between what's right and wrong between the ears and eyes what you hear with the ears verify with your eyes we are told that Zina however certain you are that that person was committing adultery there needs to be four witnesses no no no but I know they committed Zina no no bring your four witnesses there's no such thing as oh I know they committed Zina because I saw the acting place Allah swt okay just rely on one there's four witnesses now in our communities there needs to be a committee set up to look at the prevention of pedophilia the prevention of rape the prevention of abuse pedophilia and rape they're in their own league let's not try and put anything else near them the pedophile the rapist that is it's one of the most despicable acts no doubt and that has to be punished there has to be a committee that is set up we have to readdress the structure of our mosques the structure of our schooling system but then there may be other acts there may be an act where a Maulana might turn around to somebody a Mufti an Imam of a mosque might turn around to somebody and might say to them if I give you a divorce it's on the basis that you engage in a temporary marriage with me otherwise I will not help you with your divorce that's not acceptable there may be other acts where a Maulana hits the child these acts are also acts of abuse other acts where you take money under the table so you don't help someone these are also acts of abuse so there needs to be a committee set up that's not acceptable of starting to point fingers at people to ruin their reputation when Allah SWT is the one in the Quran who made it so hard to go towards that direction Sayyidina we have a call around the line Salamu Alaikum your name and where you're calling from Aleykumussalam my name is Hussain Jawad from Hul Salamu Alaikum your question please for the Sayyidina my question is if I am with a female parent to know why are the rulings on this thank you very much for your question the Marajah differ and I think while you may find that some of them say that the father's permission should be sought you've got a couple of scholars who the father's permission for the temporary marriage was not a necessary condition one of them being for example Aitullah Sadiq Rouhani he has the opinion that the father's permission is not a necessary condition for the one who is still a virgin in her father's house to engage in temporary marriage so a person ultimately refers back to their Marajah and sees what their Marajah's opinion is we will also have to while there is this allowed this is allowed within Islamic law that the father's permission is not necessarily required because many people assume the father has to have given permission not at all Aitullah Sadiq Rouhani actually gives a number of proofs which highlights that the father's permission does not need to be sought some may say that is to talk to each other for example not to go towards sexual relations but to get to know one another to talk with one another so that a person doesn't go towards that which is forbidden without having done that which is legal excellent thank you very much we will discuss in pedophilia we will discuss how Muslims are targeted for having pedophilic rings and Muslim rake gangs and so forth they also say that Islam allows a woman to be married at the age of 9 they also say that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam married a 9 year old I mean how do we refuse such claims how do we discuss I think they have a point they do have a point that whether it's the Quran or the Bible or the Old Testament some of the some of the prophetic ways in those times are very hard for us to stomach today you know Solomon in the Bible having 300 women in his home you know what's happening there Noah being a drunkard how is he a role model in the Bible lot committing incest with his daughters in the Bible thinking what's going on there the Prophet Muhammad's marriage to a 9 10 year old I would say there are a number of other prophets of God and other religions those who want to call Muhammad a pedophile there are prophets in the Bible whose actions are a lot more full of lust but the Prophet Muhammad marrying a 9 year old 9 10 year old was it something seen as taboo in Arabian society at that time not at all there was no huha no rage that was caused I do sometimes wonder how old Mary was when God decided to place Christ in her but that's another debate which we'll have another day the reality is that this is part of our history and if I'm wearing 21st century thinking caps it's very difficult for me to understand how someone in their early 50s can marry someone who's just past the age of adolescence there are certain states in the United States which only until a few years ago you could marry a 12 year old 13 year old or 14 year old but today we have to respect the laws of the land in this day and age marriages to 9 year olds, 10 year olds are not part of our religion are not part of what's accepted in society and in society that which brings harm to the image of the religion of Islam or that which in the customs is a custom which is forbidden or the law forbids it we must stay far away from what about the thicky issues you've heard that you're allowed to touch someone under the age of 9 and after 9 you're allowed to marry them is this actually legally law binding in terms of islamic iqqan there is a controversial issue which Sunni and Shi'a ulama discuss a lot of people try and only point to a Shi'a alim and say well he discusses this idea that you're allowed to touch a girl who you know you're gonna marry but before the age of adolescence you can touch her and after the age of adolescence you can have a sexual relationship physically with her and some call it thaying it is in Shi'a jurisprudence and in Sunni jurisprudence ibn abadi in the famous Hanafi scholar has a discussion on this area as well it's not just a Shi'a jurisprudence who had this discussion and I myself am true to my conscience when I say it's a very sensitive area in our religion where some will say well we're just discussing the laws of how you derive jurisprudence or how you derive principles of jurisprudence that for example if there is no tradition or no eye of the Quran that says do not touch a girl who you're marrying before she's reached the age of adolescence you cannot have sex with her but you can touch her just because there is no verse in the Quran prohibiting the touch does that mean you can't touch now these are legal debates but the fact that they're there in Sunni and Shi'a traditions about what's allowed with a girl who your culture has allowed you to has already said you're going to marry her but she hasn't reached the age of adolescence I think a lot of this in the world of sex and sexual ethics a lot of this should be deleted and removed from our books a lot of this discussions in some cases come from a very Middle Eastern centric world view where marrying someone so young is seen as so normal mind you a big problem is if a jurist himself is someone who was a 17 year old marrying a 12 year old that could bring another many problems when it comes to respecting the law of the land versus respecting the culture that he was raised in because I don't care what anyone says 1% of a jurist's legal conclusion on an issue has a relation to their childhood or a relationship to their world view excellent I have a question here in regards to the Prophet Dawud it's from a boss from Leicester he's asking that is it true that the Prophet Dawud committed Zina no this is a story that we place under the title of Istra'iliyat Istra'iliyat are traditions from the children of Israel in their texts and amongst them was that David, Prophet Dawud alayhi salam sent one of his generals to the front of war so he gets killed so he commits adultery with the wife this is far from the behaviors and the principles of the prophets of God in Shi'aism we believe as a majority opinion that the prophets of God are error free human beings we call them Masum and we are adamant that the prophets of God would not commit a sin out of their own choosing because of their reverence and respect for their Lord so the idea that Lot committed incest with his daughters or Noah was a drunkard or David committed adultery we reject this within Shi'aism another question that has come from this is from Hassan and he is from Birmingham he is asking that in terms of having premarital relations and in terms of if something was to happen physically what if the two the two corporate subjects are in love what if there is emotion behind this what if they are truly one another they truly want to blossom and take this relationship and it just happened this is definitely an issue which has to be considered for men they can walk out of a temporary marriage quite easily many women emotionally are affected by this and while something may be technically halal in Islamic law a person also has to be realistic about some of the emotions which are involved now you can have a very understanding of each other that there is not going to be any permanent marriage from this but at that particular time they meet each other and they want to fulfill their sexual desires but sometimes even as much as you say that there is still the possibility of someone saying well now I have an emotional connection with you I find it difficult to recover from this and a person has to respect and understand this I think the main thing is that don't be someone who is lying to the person you are going to be involved in a relationship with there are some people who have entered temporary marriages and are already in a marriage with a couple of kids and they have told the girl that you know what I am a single guy and I wanted to get to know you for temporary marriage the guy is married with a couple of kids the poor wife of his is sitting in her house protecting raising those kids while this guy is going around telling about his relationship and actually telling the girl that I want to marry you with the girl actually thinking that really there is a marriage that could take place and the later finding out that is actually married or there are some who say a very classic excuse I am married but I don't like my wife I am going to leave her soon so I am going to be in a temporary marriage with you and then I will leave her the guy has no intention of leaving his wife but he just is doing that to lie to the girl these are not accepted within the religion so I have just got a question just coming in regards to that and it was why is the husband in a permanent why is it that the husband in a permanent marriage does not have to tell his wife if he is going to do mutta with another woman well I told last he is standing with me Allah lengthens his life makes it clear that if a person is going to be engaged in a temporary relationship with a non-muslim and the wife is to be told thank you very much another one here according to Islamic law you need four witnesses to establish rape that is the primary evidence required for sentencing in case of rape and murder like Zaynab if the victim herself is not alive anymore and there are no witnesses what do you do then if there are no witnesses do you just pretend that it never happened it's not about pretending it never happened in some cases even if there is no witnesses if the person himself admits that they have committed the rape then that person is to be punished straight away but I think many of us need to ask the question how do men in such societies get away with being able to rape, rape, pedophile rape is over a few hundred cases in Pakistan which are still unresolved and I tell you in many other Muslim countries let alone non-muslim countries there are many who have got away with pedophilia have got away with sexual abuse you know on YouTube there are now videos of people who are not policemen but they go undercover on websites to find rapists or to find pedophiles I think the governments of all these countries want a lot more of these people to expose these criminals in our societies the problem is they say now look at them in the government sadly there are many cases as we saw of people with a pedophilic background in the governments and you pray that those who are in government in the future are those people of justice and that the morals continue to grow and not decay in our society in terms of protecting the private parts what is your advice to the youth on how they can protect their private parts I think it's definitely jihad of the nefs no doubt it's a struggle there is no energy on this earth like the sexual energy of the human being if you look at Imam Ali Ibn Ali as an example his death came because of a person's sexual energy overflow someone's desires telling him kill Ali and I'll give you what you want like the killer of the camel of Salih I can't tell anyone out there it's easy to look after your sexual desires but Islam has paved the way for us to be looking after them without having to engage in that which is forbidden sorry we've got a lot of thick questions coming in and we have a caller on the line as well we'll go straight to the caller actually Salam alaikum, your name and where you're calling from Salam alaikum, my name is Minhal I'm calling from London my question to the state is did any Imam participate in a Niqah concerning the Mu'tah and moreover did for example Imam Ali alayhi salam have a child from a country wine thank you very much thank you Minhal for that question did any of the Imams partake in a temporary marriage and then Imam Ali have a child from a country wine I haven't found evidence of a temporary marriage with the Imams I found evidence of the Prophet Muhammad being engaged for a certain period but the engagement falling through in terms of the Imams divorcing there is an opinion about Imam al-Baqir alayhi salam the wife who cursed Imam Ali bin Abi Talib but again the scholars differ on that in terms of the Imams having children from slaves or concubines or what the title is then a number of them definitely did Sayana another question another big question what is the Qafarah for someone who has committed adultery it's a question that has been asked to other scholars unfortunately this person hasn't found an answer is there actually a Qafarah story no Qafarah for no Qafarah for the committing adultery a person should go and perform the Hussal of Tawba the Ablution of Tawba and then after that after the regret that they have never do the act again Sayana is there any literature or text that you would like to direct our audience towards in terms of private parts but also in terms of improving sexual relations with a spouse and also in terms of the Mustahabad acts which are for the bedroom and for marital relations well I would first and foremost say that as many texts as I could recommend I sometimes think that if a person takes a bit of time out from their busy lives that can really help their physical relationship in terms of impulsively booking a holiday to go with their wife somewhere unexpected taking time away from the busy family life for them and their wife to go away sometimes you can read as many books as you want it takes something very small to rebuild that relationship secondly if people do have problems in their sex life with their partners there's no harm seeing someone who's an expert counsellor especially in terms of sexual relations I would say a seminal work would be Marriage and Morals by Seyyed Muhammad Rizvi definitely still a work which I think will help in understanding the different issues in sexual ethics Thank you for what you're saying now and thank you to all our viewers who have participated in this program and in today's discussion and also a big big thank you to all the viewers who participated in our competition which we had last week with all the right names with all the right answers I'm going to ask Seyyed to pick one out if you would like to do so and you could read the name out and that person has won a lucky prize special prize from Karbala Fatima Shirazi Fatima Shirazi I laugh because I picked that name up before I said Fatima Shirazi is going to win this one and they said why I said because she says Shirazi that's why well done and congratulations to Fatima Shirazi you've won the prize and inshallah please join us next week next Monday for our next discussion which inshallah will be on the right of the stomach until then, salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh