 So recovery is essentially all about changing the way you react to anxiety and fear. That is where recovery is. So it's Monday, which means that it's Recovery Monday. This is Episode 18. Let's talk about changing those reactions. So I'm going to pull up the chat overlay so you guys can see each other as you pop in just let me know that you can hear me and that everything is working the way it's supposed to kind of roll in. I will remind you that what we are doing is essentially lessons out of this book you put over here, the anxious truth. We're teaching a lesson out of this book every Monday. We have been for the last 17 weeks. We will be here for far longer than that until we run out of run out of lessons, which will be in the spring sometime. Today, we are talking about lesson 3.6, which is called changing your reactions. And this is a big deal. So this is really at the heart of recovery. In fact, in the middle of this chapter, I actually wrote, This is where you recover. This is how you do it. This is it right here. Like I really wanted to make that very clear. So today, we're going to go over that if you do not have this book and you want to read along with what we're doing, you can find it on my website at the anxious truth.com. Go check it out. And yeah, so hey, everybody, let me know. Glad you can hear me. Excellent. It's working out. This is the place to be today. It would appear that way. So Bethany, so I'm glad you guys are here. A little bit of a different setup. I'm experimenting. So bear with me on that. It's telling me my network connection is good. So hopefully the quality will be good for everybody. If you're coming from the Facebook group, I won't be able to see your name. I'll only see Facebook user, but that's okay, we will work it out. So welcome, everybody. Let's get into this. So changing the way you react to anxiety, recovery, and you've probably heard me say this a million times, recovery has nothing to do with not being anxious or not panicking or not being afraid or not having scary thoughts. It has everything to do with building a new reaction to and relationship with anxiety and fear and the symptoms and the scary thoughts, which if you're new, then this might be like a crazy idea to you, like what? What are you talking about? I just want to feel better. But first, we learn to build a new reaction to anxiety and a new relationship to it. We are not trying to eliminate anxiety from your life. We're trying to act to kind of normal place that it would occupy in any human. And key to that is building this new set of reactions. So last week, we talked about examining what your anxiety reactions are. They probably generally revolve around things like OMG, OMG, I need to be saved. I need to take some sort of evasive action. I need to escape. I need to go back home. I need to call my safe person. I need to sniff my essential oils. Copper is chiming in. He needs to talk about this too clearly. So those are probably your default reactions to anxiety right now. And once we know what those are, we have to start to learn to change them. And essentially, we're trying to change a lot of stuff into a lot of nothing. So your new default reaction to anxiety and fear is essentially to kind of not react to it to sort of do nothing. There is a method to nothing. So copper's contribution is 100% valuable. He has a lot to say. So clearly, like the UPS guy is here or something. So he needs to talk about that. Essentially, we want to be able to do nothing. Here is the key to success. That new reaction is there, not so that you can learn to endure anxiety for the rest of your life. That new reaction is there because it should teach us if I do nothing when I'm anxious, I will still wind up okay, because being afraid is not is not a disaster. Being uncomfortable is not a disaster. If I do nothing to save myself, if I do nothing to stop this, nothing bad actually happens other than I was afraid and uncomfortable for a while. Very afraid, very uncomfortable. I understand how tough it is and how hard it is to go through that. But we want the new reaction of doing nothing because it teaches us that Oh, I don't have to do anything special in response to this thing. If I just kind of let it ride and let it take its course, it will peak, it will get to its maximum, it will come back down and it will end. So that is why we care about doing nothing. We don't learn to do nothing so that we could just put up with it forever. That's not the object of the game. The object of the game is we do nothing so that we can learn that like, Hey, I've been treating this like a huge disaster for so many years. And it's I'm still stuck because I'm afraid of the next onset. I'm afraid of the next thought. I'm afraid of the next bodily sensation. I'm afraid of the next panic attack. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of that. Always on guard against it. If we learn that if I do nothing, nothing bad really happens and it passes, then you stop being afraid of it. And when you are no longer afraid of it, then it kind of doesn't matter anymore. You might be anxious, you might not. It won't matter. Like, you don't no one ever asks you if you if you're worried about a chicken salad sandwich, which is my famous example, because you're not afraid of a chicken salad sandwich. People will talk about anxiety all day long because they were afraid of it. Right. So this is the crux of why we need to build this new reaction and the new reaction is essentially do nothing. So last week, we talked about the three main reactions, which was the reaction before, which is the anticipation of a phase. I can't say the British for anticipatory sorry, England. This is the way it's gonna have to be. So it's the anticipation phase, which is the response or the reaction beforehand. The during the reaction during which is when you are on the thick of it, when you are panicking when you are doing an exposure, when you are meeting a life challenge that has your anxiety level way up through the roof, as most people like to say. What is your reaction at that point? And then the hidden most important reaction, which is what is your reaction after the fact when the episode is over? How do we do react to it? What is the story that you tell the world? What is the story that you tell yourself about what you just experienced? So let's let's talk about those things. We'll break them down. I can't teach the entire lesson in a short video. So I would urge you if you do not have the book to go check it out for sure. A lot of words on this. But how do you change the reaction beforehand, which is the anticipatory phase? This is really an exercise in slowing things down and just being mindful and trying to remain as much in the present as we can. So when you are anticipating the fact that you have to go to the dentist and you're terrified to go to the dentist because what if I panic at the dentist? If you're anticipating your cousin's wedding that's coming up in 10 days and you haven't really been further than 10 miles from the house in two years and now you have to go to another city. What is your anticipating or dreading? It's coming up. We have a tendency to try to live that event before it happens. You will start to think about it. You will make predictions. You will run models in your head. What if I panic? What if I do this? What if I feel like this? You start to visualize and guess how you're going to feel. You're essentially living the event before it happens, before it happens. Changing your reaction in the anticipation phase is all about saying, okay, well, I might feel a certain way when I get there. This might happen or it might not. I don't know. I can be okay either way. We really need to just talk about slowing things down, catching we're in the habit of living in the future and coming back to the present because right now I'm not at the dentist. Right now I'm not at my cousin's wedding. I have an entire day or an entire hour or an entire month before I have to do that thing. There's really no point whatsoever in trying to live it now or trying to solve that problem here. So much of anticipatory anxiety is based on the idea that we think if we worry and if we think about these things somehow will make a difference. I will think about it and think about it and that will somehow protect me from the terrible thing I think might happen. But it doesn't. Thinking is actually worthless in that situation. So we have to come to the realization and like I'm afraid I'm going to be afraid because I don't want to do scary things. I don't want to do challenging things. I'm afraid now but I'm not living the event right now. I can just I'm just gonna have to let that fear be there and I'm gonna have to try and do my best to practice slowing things down, not getting caught up in the thinking cycle and living here in the present. So that is the reaction that we're looking for in the anticipatory phase right where you're dreading a thing that's coming up and you're living it before you have to. Then let's get to the reaction where are we minutes. Let's get to the reaction during when you are in the pressure situation you are having a panic attack or you are doing the exposure or you're at your cousin's wedding or whatever happens to be. What do we do then? This is where nothing comes into play and this is the part that people are like they hate when I say that. How am I ever supposed to do nothing? Because I know that it feels so urgent in that moment. It feels urgent and intense and like you must do something in that moment. I must run. I must be saved. I must have my safe person. I must take my pills. I must whatever it is you do to try and get yourself out of that that distress. Feels so important to take some sort of action but really in the midst of it and in the book if you have driving anxiety by the way I used a drive on the highway as the example. So I talked a lot about driving in this book. If you have driving anxiety I was really kind of writing specifically to you but these principles are applicable across multiple situations. So when you are in the thick of it you are in that panic you are forced out of the house you are doing this this exposure planned or you are being forced by life to go to the dentist or wedding or whatever it is. What do we do? The new reaction that you have to change to is a reaction of nothing. So essentially nothing. When your brain is screaming at you to call for help you don't call for help. When it is screaming at you to engage in all kinds of physical ticks and and rituals and stuff that are designed to keep you at poke at your chest and take your pulse and try to take you know fill your breath completely with it to make sure you don't suffocate or hang on to the shopping cart. When your brain screams at you to do all of those things that are designed to keep you safe we don't do those things. That's really hard and the reason why we talk about doing recovery work consistently and tenaciously and every day all the time and being incremental with it is it takes practice to do that. Like it's not natural for you to just say I'm not going to do these safety things it's not like your brain is telling you you are in danger you must take action right now. But so when we practice not taking action it feels really uncomfortable almost reckless completely vulnerable you are essentially surrendering and saying okay I'm going to have to let the worst thing happen that I fear right. So that is your reaction during which is nothing like you kind of have to just let it ride whatever you feel you feel like nothing and here's the the cornerstone of the the nothing reaction in the moment the reaction during and learning to nothing but just relax pick a focus point do not engage with the mental chatter because the thoughts will be there to get saved get saved this is terrible this is horrible you're in hell okay you can talk to me all you want Lizzie Brain I'm going to put my focus on my breath or on the road or on the conversation or whatever those new nothing reactions which is not try to save yourself not try to stop it not try to calm down not try to do any of those things when you engage in those things you are essentially breaking very long habits you have to understand I'm doing my safety behaviors in my escape rituals because they're habits because I'm afraid okay it's okay to be afraid like understand that this takes practice it takes time you can't learn to do this overnight it's really difficult it's super scary it takes courage all of those things so it's so important when you're in the thick of it and you are working on building the new nothing reaction we keep calling it nothing reaction when you're working on building that I see so many people get stuck because they'll say but but I had all the thoughts or I had all the symptoms correct you will have the thoughts correct you will have the symptoms you cannot stop those and we're not trying to or but I just get afraid yes you will be afraid the way to learn to not be afraid is to learn to get better at being afraid that's I hate to have to say that but that is true so the way to get better is to get better at being afraid you're already afraid you're already anxious you're already panicking you're already nervous you're gonna have to get better at being those things so that you can not be those things down the road so keep that in mind as you are practicing you can't just decide to do nothing one day you may know that that's what you're after and you may know that that's what you're working on but it takes time so be nice to yourself and do not judge yourself because you got afraid you're supposed to get afraid like there's no way around that if you're going to try to stop being afraid of something that doesn't pose any real danger to you must be afraid of it and experience that if you're in a new way all right so that's the reaction during I'll take some comments in a bit I'll go back let me get through the last of this here which is let's talk about now the reaction afterwards because this is really important and I said this in last week when we talked about examining reactions this is the hidden gold in the recovery process the reaction after is really important and we kind of forget that your reaction after right now is probably based on telling a story about how it was hell it was horrible you don't know how you made it I almost passed out I almost lost my mind I almost I bet your reaction after is absolutely laced with the word almost it felt like like these are keywords in the reaction after it felt like it was so scary it was hell I almost but I almost passed out as a very common one well how do you know you almost passed out you either do you don't I almost passed out and those reactions are doing nothing but reinforcing that that is terrible and I should never let that happen that was a terrible terrible experience really what you want to do is talk about the reaction afterwards is all about storytelling it really is all about storytelling so it's about behaviorally not retreating like that was terrible so now I'm going to stay home for the next four days and get up the nerve to do it again that is a bad reaction after we can't do that but anything else the reaction after and a better more productive recovery focused reaction after the fact is about storytelling that was really difficult that was very scary that was such a challenge that was all new to me I didn't think I could do it but I did but I did and nothing happened I thought I needed to be saved but it turns out I didn't need to be saved I didn't try to save myself and that was really hard but nothing happened right so that is the basis of the new reaction after that we're trying to form it's essentially a change in the way you tell the story about what happened so that also is difficult because likely we build these habits of words where all we want to do is talk about how terrible it was all you're going to want to do is tell me about your symptoms but my heart but my stomach but but I have this but my jelly leg but dpdr but but but but your reaction after is laced with the word but almost felt like hell like these are the keywords of the reaction after that we're trying to change so it's really important to start to change those because if you don't change the reaction after and work on changing your storytelling to more accurately reflect reality I was really afraid I was really uncomfortable I was really scared I was really challenged but nothing happened so I did a podcast on that called refusing to learn the lessons of recovery that's where the lessons get learned if you just force you way through every challenge if you just force you way through it and decide that was that was terrible I almost passed out oh my god and then you think like well clearly something I did when I called my mom or my my my whoever my partner or my friend that kept me from passing out no it didn't you were never actually going to pass out all right so as an example heart attack stroke passing out falling over making a fool of yourself going psychotic these are all the common fears right that that don't actually happen and I will talk about people who have a pronounced vasovagal response who do pass out yes that is possible but you will already know if you are one of those people so if you're listening right now and you want to tell me but I do pass out that sucks you you have that vasovagal response if you don't already know that you don't have that right so those are the three reactions that we need to work on changing change the reaction before learn to slow down acknowledge the fact that thinking about a thing and ruminating about it and worrying about it and going over in your head again and again and again and writing nightmare screenplays in your head about it that acknowledge it that is worthless it's not helping you in any way shape or form then acknowledge that I have to work on slowing down and living now and not then I can make whatever plans and preparations I can make but then once my plans and preparations are made I'm done that's a key part of the anticipatory reaction that we're after make your plans make your preparations if you have enough time to work on the thing you have to do before practice that's a thing you can actually do that's a plan you can put into action but understand and catch oh I'm living in the future again I don't have to I can live right now that's the before the during is essentially nothing like I'm not going to try to save myself I'm just gonna just gonna get myself you know I'm just gonna get myself into a situation where I let it happen and I just surrender to this and let it run its course so that it can be over and the reaction after I'm not gonna retreat after a difficult experience and I'm not gonna tell the story about how difficult it was just terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible yes let's acknowledge that these are unpleasant situations but you have made it through every single one and that is fact if you're watching me right now it means you have made it through every single one every one you did every one of them just didn't like how it felt when you did it but not liking how it felt doesn't mean that you almost died or almost went psychotic it doesn't mean that at all right so those are the three new reactions we're trying to build it's a lot to jam into a little 20-30 minute video on a Monday I can't do it so this that lesson in this book which is lesson 3.6 I think is the longest lesson in the book and I remember clearly today I wrote it it's it's long there's a lot in there so there you go that's today's today's lesson on on how the overview of changing the way you react to anxiety and why that's so important so let's go through the comments and let's see what we can come up with here so let me close this new camera new monitor I'm looking wait it looks like I'm looking way down in the corner I just have to read I'm trying not to be rude sorry guys so I'm going to scroll up a little bit a lot of comments you guys are on fire today um welcome again anybody that I did not catch yes sorry for copper chiming in earlier I'm amazed how after working through my exposures I'm beginning to oh Nikki you rock love this so let me put it up on the screen I have to peek over the top of Nikki's comic it's a big comment I'm amazed at how after working through my exposures for the last six months I'm beginning to be able to tell myself to move on to the next thought ah fist bump that's so awesome these are the lessons we learn when we do this work consistently again and again and again I know that that has been super difficult for you so huge props to you big fist bump to you for getting to that point that's really really great and I know how much hard work went into that so let's see here let's see I'm going to scroll through it's the all of the all of a sudden ones that come okay let's see here I'm scrolling I'm scrolling I'm scrolling I'll throw this up here Julie the all of a sudden so this is a thing that people will often say well this is special then this is a special case I have the all of a sudden out of the blue anxiety that's different group but it's not it's it's not in any way shape or form different at all so okay you didn't have really in the end all of this is out of the blue I mean you may either anticipate it or not but the only thing what you're saying here is out of the blue is the the idea that well I was a certain at 1 p.m. now I'm feeling a different way at 1 15 p.m. so I'm going to call that some sort of disaster oh my god it's out of the blue anxiety the same reaction rules will apply the same reaction rules will apply so the first thing that I could tell you in that situation Julie is to stop don't think of well it's the out of the blue when it comes out of the blue I have no choice you do you actually do have a choice you have a choice I can't do every comment because there's a ton of them today but let me throw this one up I'm going to take as many as I can right I'm cooking and cleaning trying to just go but I'm scared and dizzy am I doing it right just keep going scared and dizzy is okay like if you're doing things that are scary to you right because you think that instead you should be doing something to make it go away but you're not trying to make it go away you just kind of move ahead with whatever you have planned cooking and cleaning that day then it will be scary and the dizzy is a symptom of scary right so just understand like oh yeah this is what I'm feeling right now I'm having a reaction to doing a scary thing my body is reacting to fear like human bodies do it's no fun there's nothing pleasant about that but I'm not I can't tell you you're doing it right doing it wrong and a comment on a video but expect that it is going to feel that way that is the way it feels when we do scary things our bodies react it's normal that's actually a normal human response to being afraid we're doing scary things expect to be afraid and uncomfortable that's not bad okay this is good too so um I always find anticipatory anticipatory anxiety anticipatory anxiety to be the exposure the actual event is way less so I bet a lot of you guys would 100% agree with that I know I would agree with that for sure I found almost every time in my recovery that the anticipation was worse than the actual event the anticipation was was worse than the actual event okay so let's see here it's about working with irrational fears there's a lot of public speaking job interviews involves performance as long as you prepare I'll throw this up from Shane what's up Shane Shane is asking does this also apply to you know fears about public speaking your job interviews and things like that sure I mean why not the same rules would necessarily apply look but you can acknowledge that at least there is a little bit more of a credible threat and I'm going to use air quotes threat it's not truly a threat to your danger to your safety of course but understandable like public speaking it's stressful right it is it's stressful a job interview it's stressful a first date that sort of stuff stressful so acknowledge the fact that yeah I'm in a stressful situation that's okay I can get through stressful situations I might respond physically to that stress I might have thoughts about that stress it might trigger some thinking cycle that that amps it up even more but yeah the same things kind of apply like well am I prepared for my public speaking engagement do I have I memorized my speech have I done what I have to do am I ready for this job interview once you've made your plans and your preparations then you're done and yes I would say you got to get back to slowing down and just living in the moment and I know that sounds super like everybody tells you just be mindful mindfulness is not a cure for this but let me just say that I know I'm talking about living in the moment a lot in terms of sort of an antidote for the anticipatory phase but it's not really an antidote it's just a more effective way to move through that fear anticipatory fear is fear just like any other it's not a special kind of fear and if we can work on out slowing down and being mindful and present in the moment which is a practical thing not a spiritual thing and I've written about that before and a lot of different places my book 7% Slower is all about learning to do that in a practical way that's not really woo it's not difficult to understand it's very practical but it allows us to move through that anticipatory fear doesn't stop it dead in its tracks it's not meant to do that so these are not fear antidotes these are ways to help us get better at relating to fear so let's see Bethany I will I always got to put up a Bethany quote because the story is really good this is really important the thoughts will be there the thoughts will be there and the sensations will be there will be there I think last week's podcast episode I think last week's podcast episode we talked about that like the ingredients of sexual exposures are willingness like two of them are willingness I'm willing to intentionally do these scary things because they know it's good for me and acceptance and the acceptance part is essentially I accept that I will have scary thoughts and sensations if I do a scary thing I will be scared like you have to accept that that's the way it's going to be I'm going to put this up on the screen because this is super important clearly copper still has a lot more to say so pretend it's not there no it doesn't mean pretend it's not there you couldn't pretend it's not there if I paid you a million dollars you would not be able to pretend it's not there you will 100% know that it's there so this I did a podcast episode about that too maybe a year ago that talked about are you trying to ignore anxiety if you go to the anxious truth.com and just search use the search tool and I think put ignore in Nikki you'll get that episode I talked about that you can't ignore it you can't pretend it's not there you just are working on experiencing it a new way it's there I feel it it's with me I hear the thoughts I feel the sensations but I am going to engage in something else instead of my evasive action or trying to fight it so no I would never tell anybody this is about pretending that it's not there or ignoring it because you can't you couldn't if you wanted to it's not going to work that way hopefully that clears that up Shane it reminds me of acceptance commitment therapy so much of this stuff is based on the principles of act for sure acceptance of commitment therapy CBT even some dialectical behavior therapy metacognitive therapy these things are all interrelated and you're going to hear these themes repeated again and again again so good catch you're a hundred percent correct let's see here Ciela welcome this new name I don't know I do pass out so there's two I'll address this because some people do pass out I think I said it before so I guess I sort of addressed it some people have a pronounced vasovagal response and they they are fainters some people are fainters when they get really excited or they get really happy or they get terrible news or they get really scared they faint that some human beings have that physical response if you are one of them there's there's nothing you really do about that you would kid acknowledge well I'm one of those people but another reason and I can't say because I don't know your particular situation we can't diagnose that of course on the internet but one thing that could really to passing out also is hyperventilation that's another super common reason why people will say but I do pass out but if you are in this the situation where when you get really anxious and afraid you begin to pant or you try to do those deep calming grounding breaths and they look like this if you do that you're going to start to hyperventilate and you're going to get really dizzy and you're going to start to get tingly and numb and you might pass out so the two reasons why people like I get a lightheaded just from four of those right but then it goes away like I'm not lightheaded anymore but the number one reason number two top reasons why people pass out during panic or high anxiety is because of that vasovagal response they're just fainters some people are or you are hyperventilating you're either holding your breath or you're panting you're over breathing so that's one of the reasons why I talk about breathing and working on diaphragmatic breathing and practicing those sort of things all the time you don't have to do that it's not required for you to hyperventilate so let's see here Carol went for a walk today without a walking aid and froze out of fear okay so I'm not saying that didn't happen eventually I had to walk sideways like a crab to get something I could hold on to I was shaking for hours okay so shaking is a normal response to fear like people shake when we get afraid we tremble we shake we shiver I would challenge this one and I know this is a little bit unpopular because people will insist that now I had no choice I had to walk like a crab and hang on to something but you are still here like you are still here and that idea that I have to I have to walk like a crab I chose to walk like a crab and hang on to something is a much better more empowering statement you could choose to do that again tomorrow and I wouldn't tell you that it's necessarily wrong you can make whatever choices you want to make that's okay but it's really important to understand that there is a choice there those choices are made in very tiny spaces so one of the things I've talked and written about I did this I did do a podcast I did it on the morning podcast the anxious morning a couple of weeks ago you know that power is found in very tiny spaces and there is a very small moment that might be only this wide because it's only one or two seconds wide but there is choice in that moment so that reaction of which leads to the fear in that moment we do have a choice to say okay what do I do next I either jump on that feeling and ride it and just stay like this or I can decide okay I have a choice that I can make here let me just take one more step let me take one more step okay so there is choice to be made there is choice to be made and it's I'm not saying it's anybody's fault nobody's choosing to be a victim I need to be very very clear about that so when we talk about choice and the empowerment of choice I cannot say enough times that I am not saying that anybody chooses to have an anxiety disorder you are I did not choose to have this happen to you it's not punishment for something you did wrong you're not choosing to be a victim but we do have to have the word choice in here because choice does exist in those moments we have to acknowledge that right it's actually empowering to acknowledge that it matters okay um let's see here our practice is so long I want to just scroll through it's a little hard okay let's see here I'll throw this up because I know you're new so I think some people may have pointed you're ready I would going to just tell you go to the website go to the anxioustruth.com and start listening to the early podcasts you don't even have to buy the books it's fine just listen into those first podcast episodes we'll address this it is hard to believe that your symptoms are our anxiety but you have been checked out and okay like you are really afraid your body is reacting with normal predictable physiological responses to fear and stress uncertainty and panic and anxiety and all those things and you are interpreting those as oh no something is really wrong so that that's what's going on there but yes everybody starts there everybody starts that this can't be anxiety I know something must be really wrong but if you've been checked out and told that nothing is wrong then nothing really is wrong and your body is actually doing what it's supposed to do it's just doing it at the wrong time that's all that is so let's scroll down a little more scroll down scroll down let's get down okay this is one of those things here I'll put this one up here come on it's a little slow how do I ignore my thoughts you don't ignore your thoughts they are so loud everything you say makes so much else until I'm in the moment and I'm unable to think at all I'm going to point out a dichotomy here you are I am unable to think yet you're telling me that you can't ignore your thoughts so are you not thinking or are you thinking you are thinking like and that's what human beings do we are thinking machines so you are not supposed to ignore your thoughts you can't ignore them like I said if you wanted to you will hear them the difference is how you respond to them or not respond to them that's the difference and again that becomes one of those tiny little moments of time where we have a choice I can either start to argue with the thoughts or follow them or obey them or whatever treat them as if they are true because I'm going to say something in a second here that's probably going to be important to you so I can treat them like they are true and react to them accordingly or I can treat them like they are irrelevant even though that's really difficult to do but you can learn to do that and practice that I understand that the thoughts that we have are really strong especially anxious scary thoughts they are really strong and they are very intense but just because they are intense the intensity and strength and volume of your thoughts are in no way connected to their truthfulness their validity or their ability to predict the future or even describe the real world so the common mistake is that since this thought is so loud and so intense that I must treat it as if it's true because it's so loud it must be true it must be important but thoughts can be super loud super disturbing super intense and also super bullshit at the same time it is 100% possible for both of those things to be true at the same time and in the case of the population we're dealing with here and I am among you I was one of you my thoughts were incredibly loud and incredibly powerful and incredibly compelling and incredibly full of shit all the time so it is a really liberating thing to come to the conclusion and accept that principle that my thoughts can be really strong but also really wrong at the same time and that is the basis upon which we build the foundation of like oh well then I guess I don't have to engage with them it's not easy to learn to do that it takes a lot of practice and you're going to get it wrong a lot it's okay but just because they are really loud does not mean that that validates them as being accurate dangerous they're really going to come true not at all not in any way in fact a lot of times the louder they are the more bullshit they are like it's a crazy kind of paradox there but in an anxious and fearful brain the louder it screams at us the more likely it is that it's bullshit like there's no actual threat I mean if somebody came at you with a knife right now your brain would scream at you really loudly and rightly so you'd see the threat when there is no threat you become the threat and then this is screaming danger danger danger danger and you think because it's so loud you have to obey you don't it can be wrong our brains are wrong all the time human brains are amazing and they're capable of incredible genius and beauty and they're also capable of producing abject garbage like it it happens all the time no guarantee that everything that comes out of our brains makes sense or has to right so what else we got I'm going to kind of scroll down to the end here 34 minutes about as far as I can go today let's see here is it isn't it that we pay okay let's pop this up here really quick welcome Ellen good to see you here isn't it that we pay way too much attention to the sensations yeah yeah yeah yeah we we totally do but I mean first of all that's understanding again I understand why we do that I used to do that too they feel really important and they feel so worthy of attention and reaction so today we're talking about learning to change our reactions those sensations and the thoughts also they feel so worthy of a reaction a special reaction but they're they're just not they're just not and so yes that idea that says well I can't I can't keep paying them so much attention they they're screaming for my attention I'm just not going to give them as much attention as as I I'm just not going to give it to you sorry I'm not going to do it which is not easy to do because you're going to feel completely drawn back to it again and again but you know that that is that is a true thing so let's see here scroll down a little bit I'm kind of at the end of the line here let's see here Danielle is here Danielle is a therapist welcome Danielle let's talk about this for a second I am a therapist and struggling start to recovery pen first of all I want to tell you that welcome and do not feel bad about that you are not alone like in my Facebook group there are multiple working licensed therapists that have this problem and here's the good news like almost for that exception as they work through the process and these are lovely human beings and very qualified exceptional clinicians who are also human beings so you are allowed to be a human being even though you are also a therapist it's okay it's really okay don't feel bad that you're a therapist and having a hard time you know starting the recovery plan but here's the deal it sounds silly but I'm missing the aha moment to give that first step here is the answer to that and it is a shitty answer that you don't want to hear stop waiting for the aha moment the aha moment in this process only comes after you take the first step that's truth that is 100% truth I'm not lying to you there so many people are stuck because they think I just have to find a way for it to click I have to get it I have to somehow get it so that my motivation will kick in it will probably never come if you wait to be ready before you do it you will actually never be ready so another one of the really crappy but very true paradoxes of recovery is that we only get it after we do it this is a leap then learn right this is a do it then learn situation we cannot learn oh yeah okay now I get it I'm convinced that I'm safe so I can do the work if you could convince yourself that you could do the work you wouldn't have to do the work right you see how that works it's kind of shitty but that's how it works if you could I'm gonna say it again if you could convince yourself up here that you can do this work you probably wouldn't have to do the work behavior change is the golden calf here it is what gets us out so you change your behavior first and then your thoughts and beliefs will catch up behind the thoughts and the beliefs are trailing behind the behaviors and you know you probably understand a lot of that just because of your training so behavior change is the first thing if you wait for attitude change and thought change and getting it and feeling ready and feeling brave you'll never do it so let's see here scroll down to the bottom and I think you're gonna take one more I think we're almost at the end here good job guys you guys are a lot of comments that I'm sorry I can't answer them all there's no symptom this is pretty good we got through a whole thing without like talking about particular symptoms but here's one we'll throw it out there because I always have to have my one example right and this will be it today how do you accept a symptom that isn't good for your health like not being able to eat because of swallowing difficulties well J.L. first of all welcome I'm glad you're here but since you are here watching a YouTube video and commenting on it that tells me you actually are eating you might not be having a good time eating and it might not be pleasant and it might be a chore and it's a challenge and it's difficult but if you were truly not eating you would not be here so I when I say those things I never want to seem like I'm minimizing the suffering I was you I understand however the fact that you have swallowing difficulties you clearly are in fact swallowing so I mean unless I'm missing something and you're being fed through a feeding tube which would be terrible and I would my heart would go out to you but you are swallowing you're just afraid of what it feels like and you don't like how that feels and it's become a struggle for you because you're focused on it but it's important to recognize that you can't treat that as like yeah but this is special because I have swallowing difficulties there's a 77 people watching right now I'm going to guess that five of you have had issues with swallowing and I'm going to guess that at least 12 to 15 of you have had issues where you would say I can't eat so super common none of these none of these symptoms are special in any way shape or form okay so that's it I think we got through the end of it Danielle is just so different to know the theory and apply it thanks so much for yeah you're right Danielle it's it's so true if the look if theory alone got this job done I wouldn't know how to do my recovery work either I would have just read a lot of books and recovered but we can't do it kind of sucks so you know what are you going to do last question during exposure as I see that should we be doing it during exposure or should we doing it without distractions yes correct in the end now look that might be a in 40 minutes I gotta get going I'm gonna be late for my next thing that might be an incremental thing where you start to eliminate your distractions and you start to eliminate your safety crutches little by little it's okay to do it little by little in the beginning if a distraction or a crutch gets you out the door and gets you started go for it but understand that you'll have to start to take those away because if you engage in distractions or use the crutches in the safety things to get you through your exposures then you're going to give them the credit like I only made it through because the radio up really high I only made it through and I was guilty I only made it through because I had my really strong mints in my cold water like that I was wrong I even without cold mints even without cold water and strong mints I was able to do my exposures so you do ultimately want to get rid of those distractions you're going to need to do that all right guys so that is about it for today today we talked about changing how to change the way you react to anxiety which really is the cornerstone of recovery and it is in this book The Anxious Truth you can find it on my website at theanxistruth.com right there on the homepage if you want to follow along we will be back next Monday and for the foreseeable future because there's plenty more lessons to do we will continue to go through chapter three then chapter four is about how to make a recovery plan chapter five is how to execute that plan so we got a lot to cover we're going to be here until the spring hope you guys come every Monday same bat time same bat channel this will stay here on YouTube subscribe to the channel if you haven't already it will stay in the Facebook group it will stay on my Facebook page and in about an hour it will show up on my Instagram if you're so inclined to watch it there but nobody on Instagram really cares about 40-minute videos so this is the place to see all right guys thanks for coming by appreciate it I will see you guys next week and