 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as they have John as they comment I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today our topic why men ignore What's that ignore? women that they care about Really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos and if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms Really quickly. These are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you So check out the link below to my VIP group called midlife love mastery. All right, we're going to talk about why men ignore I didn't know how to do him ignore sign women that they care about and let's get real here for a second It feels painful I'm sure if you've been on the end of an experience where you've been with a man who's ignored you He's gone silent. He's difficult to get a hold of he's busy that can certainly feel Emotionally draining it can feel emotionally frustrating and it can certainly wear on us emotionally whether it happens to a man or a woman and I think part of the problem that we face in Relationships is that the the the dating practice currently is Predominantly driven by chemistry and romance and this is why you know when women hear how men are hunters and men love the chase Well, what they're not recognizing that in the very beginning stages of connecting with another human being we can oftentimes feel what's called lust or limerence lust or limerence and Lust is obviously sexual desire for someone and limerence is extreme infatuation And it certainly feels really good when someone really likes you and they express that to you and they're they're Demonstrative and they're effusive and they're attentive and all those things it can feel really good And that certainly happens when that chemical rush is happening to a man or a woman We can feel this way and it feels incredibly great Feels incredibly great. By the way, it's cold outside and I'm gonna put on As I said, this is my balcony and I am cold right now. So anyway So it can feel really God. This is bugging me now. This can feel really great. Okay, and yet We have to differentiate between men who are intentionally seeking a life partner versus the men who are just seeking companionship and sex and So I want you to think about this for a moment because back when we're in our 20s and 30s most men if they Genuinely want to start a family with someone then they're actually looking for a spouse They're looking for a wife and there is greater Intentionality that's certainly true of the baby boom generation and the Gen X generation I think it's quite a bit different now for Millennials and Gen Zs But that's not my audience. My audience is midlife, which is after baby-making years and before retirement And so why I'm sharing this with you So men in their 40s 50s and 60s Predominantly roughly about 75% of singles who are actively dating in that age demographic are divorced And so with divorce comes a reservation to want People aren't looking for someone to start a family with in many cases There's already an existing family and the hard part is how do you blend someone else's family with your family? Okay, so when someone is not actually looking to start a family with someone you have to say to yourself Well, what's our common cause other than? companionship and sex and I think women have this delusional fantasy centered around well Love will just solve everything love will solve all our incompatibility problems and I'm gonna say whether it's a distance issue whether it's a lifestyle issue whether it's a Values issue once that chemistry bug has been hooked on either one of you It makes it very difficult to look at a relationship from an objective perspective And I'm gonna say that the dating realm is incredibly dysfunctional right now. It's incredibly dysfunctional right now Because of most people don't date with Intentionality they don't date with an understanding of the difference between you know here Let me just show you my relationship iceberg chart to illustrate this But if you can see this you can see that the tip of the iceberg says chemistry in the above the water line says attraction But below the water line is compatibility which says shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity Emotional maturity is the primary reason why many people struggle to be in a healthy happy relationship Because the vast majority of human beings have weak emotional skills and let me reframe that Let me reframe that they have weak relationship skills particularly the area of active listening and active communication and When I mean by active communication, I'm talking about being vulnerable being authentic being transparent with one another And so these are some of the challenges and so so let's bring it back to the ignoring piece because that's the title of this Video oh by the way my t-shirt says people who think they know everything Annoy those of us that do Folks I bought this and I thought how narcissistic is this? But it just was a fun t-shirt. I wanted to buy and I do think so I am a Leo So the world does revolve around me and I say that little tongue-in-cheek But I'm getting and I if you like my shirt post a comment below really quickly Let's get back to the ignoring piece because when someone actually likes you you have to ask yourself Why is this happening? I think part of the problem is that there's not really a good job of picking Partners because we hyper focus on chemistry and not the other important pieces and I'm gonna get into that in a second But one of the challenges today for most men to actually care about a woman is He has to feel emotionally safe with this person. He has to feel emotionally safe Okay, we oftentimes think of physical safety within men But actually men don't actually commit to another human being until they feel Emotionally safe in other words, they feel really good with this person beyond the physical they feel good with this person on an emotional level and Sadly, it's very difficult for a man to actually lean into the emotional part until there's been a level of Trust built a level of trust and we're gonna talk about that in a second and the challenges today Building trust with one another is there isn't really good solid communication between two people and I don't mean that Look at I definitely want to recognize the importance of checking in with one another regular check-ins Throughout the day and and I've had a change of position on this I've shot videos talking about the need for incessant communication throughout the day I'm not talking about incessant communication. I'm talking about check-ins whether it's a morning or evening and check-in And why this is so critically important checking in with one another is Because Today we no longer live in environments where we actually feel emotionally safe with someone because we're meeting total strangers We're meeting people who we don't really know. We don't know their family We don't know their friends and because of that they're ended and oftentimes there's distance involved It makes it difficult to build the roots to trust in the early stages of dating And so if you're not feeling emotionally safe with someone it makes it so the checking in piece bringing it back to checking In peace is important. Here's the problem with a lot of the coaching out there telling women that it's the man's Responsibility to check in in the morning check in in the evening check in the morning check in with you in the evening And here's the thing that creates an imbalance of expectation And a man might in the beginning of that lust and limerence phase do that checking in But once that that the chemicals start to drop those check-ins if it's all on his shoulders can feel Overwhelming if it can feel overwhelming if it's all on his shoulders if the expectation is the and by the way You ladies are being coached the man has to do all these things Well, let me tell you men can feel overwhelmed and will start to ignore you if it's not balanced So I'm suggesting you can check in in the morning or you can check in in the night simple And by the way check-ins are important to feel emotionally safe But here's the real critical issue that oftentimes happens within men That caused them to ignore women that they genuinely care about now I want to differentiate it as I said in the early stage of dating. We really don't know each other Well, it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time To build the first layer of trust of really caring for someone beyond the lust or limerence Phase beyond the lust or limerence phase, but here's what causes men Oftentimes to ignore women. I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses Here's my notes What I said is Men I shared about men getting overwhelmed. Here's one of the challenges with men and women alike is that they have Unresolved trauma. They have unresolved childhood wounds or adult traumas and they're actually wearing a mask of confidence A mask of confidence and they don't actually value themselves This is a significant percentage of the population Men and women alike that they don't actually love on themselves. This is why folks I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work. Check out the link below. I know this sounds like a sales pitch for my book I make three bucks on the book. It's not about that. It's about changing your life. That's why I continually encourage this Because here's the challenge for a big percentage of the populations is the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable and Here's the problem with that Dating triggers these wounds and causes people to retract when they feel fear because they have these unresolved childhood wounds and traumas and then they're wearing a mask around you Which makes it difficult because the minute they get triggered they run away And that's what causes one of the reasons why people ignore one another. This is true of men and women alike hmm My Dory mug just keeps sweating from one of my fans out there. Thank you so much for that The other thing that might be happening in a man's life is he has chaos going on in his life He may might be going through a contentious divorce. He might have a contentious relationship with his ex He might have issues with his children. He might have issues with work He might have physical issues and this is true for men and women alike Which makes it when someone has a lot of chaos going on in their life It makes it incredibly difficult to actually lean into a fully formed relationship and folks I continually talk about this in my videos about the importance of being intentional In the early stage of dating Ladies I know you love the idea of just leaning back in your feminine energy and the man will just claim you and men Are the leaders of the relationship folks if you're expecting men to be the leaders of the relationship You're giving the job to the wrong person Given that the number one search term for women on internet is why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghosts? Why do men disappear? Why because they're either going through chaos in their life or they have unhealed traumas Now that's not all men Significant percentage of men. This is why it's important to start vetting men a completely different way This is why it's important to start with radical honesty in the early stages of dating radical honesty is about What does commitment look like for you? What are you seeking? Not that you're seeking or by the way ladies? I know you do this all the time. Well, he told me he wanted a relationship. I get it So he wanted a relationship that looked like this. I see you at my beckham call That's what he calls a relationship. You're thinking along the lines of the way I think I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in or getting married That's that's actually describing what you want a relationship. So ladies one of your fundamental check I'm gonna make a request instead of asking a man. Does he want a relationship start asking men What does a relationship look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? When do you think you would know you'd want to commit to someone? These are really by the way But Jonathan all the dating coaches tell me never interrogate never interview a guy on a date Folks first off you can do a lot of this over the telephone before you meet someone Jonathan that will be overwhelming to a guy You want to overwhelm the wrong guy? Because here's the thing if you're speaking Sincerely from the heart you really can't if you've connected with someone through one of these devices or through your laptop If you've actually connected with someone who is legitimately your potential life partner There's going to be a synergy there. So you don't be afraid to speak your truth chapter one in my book Speak your truth do it with kindness chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person The reason why men ignore women that they care about is because they're only Capable of companionship and sex and they're not capable of the more important C word That I'm about to share with you and that is commitment and commitment requires Here's what commitment requires it requires being on the same page with one another Do we share the same values is can your life blend in with mine or can mine blend in with yours or meld or blend However, you want to look at that and more importantly emotional maturity and that's the tricky piece if you're not familiar with the book by Barbara DeAngelo's Are you the one for me? I highly recommend getting this book highly recommend getting this book This book is really about getting to the heart of is this person right for me and ladies I know the minute you have sex with a guy. You're bonded that chemical oxytocin bonds you to a guy and You could be bonded to the wrong guy and some women will spend years trying to change the wrong guy Instead of trying to change the wrong guy How about start picking the right guy from the beginning because here's the thing If you choose a man who's aligned to who you are and what you want and you're feeling a sense of Resonance with one another alignment with one another and he genuinely cares about you Unless he's got chaos going on his life and unless he's a total dysfunctional train wreck He's not going to ignore you only the people going through chaos only through the people that have unhealed traumas in their life Will ignore you all as long as the relationship has balance between the two of you. Yes You can overwhelm a man by trying too hard. There's no doubt about it You can and that's why when ice talked about checking in should be a balance He makes effort you make effort you make effort he makes effort it should look like it should looks like scales It should look like two cars traveling at the same speed together and This grand expectation that men will lead the relationship will ladies as I said before you're giving the job to the wrong person And if here's the problem if his idea of relationship as I see you at my beck and call You do you really want to give the job of the leader of the relationship to that person? Or do you want to at least? Co-create a relationship together by being intentional with one of the other. That's my invitation for you today So I think you have a listen I've covered a lot of stuff here I hope this makes a difference in your life Please let me know this is making a difference in your life and my invitation if you need some support and help check out The link to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise is to help you write Help you craft the questions based on your personality To be radically honest with someone from the get-go so you can actually go out with the right guy And if you have chemistry together, whoo-hoo watch out All right, I think that covers it for today. I hope you found value in this. Please post a comment below I do my best to read them all If you found value in this video, please share it with your friends Please like it and please support my channel. All right. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first I've given myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear Or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye