 The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. You've all heard the expression, let your conscience be your guide, of course. Well, right now, Uncle Sam is asking every one of us to pledge his conscience to his country to help food fight for freedom. So let's all produce and conserve, share and play square with today's food. Don't patronize black markets. Buy no-racioned foods without giving up the proper stamps. And eat more of the foods that are plentiful, thrifty, and un-racioned, such as cereals. Delicious, malty-rich Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes, for instance. Two swell cereals that are not only thrifty and un-racioned, but bring you grand whole-grain nourishment. And you'll find Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes bring you an extra bonus. They bring you plenty of real enjoyment, too. Grape Nuts, crisp and crunchy. Grape Nuts Flakes, delicate, toasty-brown flakes. So help food fight for freedom, friends. Let your conscience be your guide. And let thrifty, nutritious Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes help you on your way. We'll be hours and take you to Jack Benny's house. It's Christmas night and Jack is expecting a few of his friends over. It's about a quarter to eight and Rochester is preparing for the arrival of the guests. I'm gonna buy a paper doll that I can call my own. A doll that other fellows cannot steal. This living room hasn't been clean in weeks. I think I'll surprise Mr. Benny and Dusty. Well, that's done. And then those flirty, flirty guys with their flirty, flirty eyes. Gee, the boy sure is a nice Christmas tree. Only it seems to be leaning a little. I better get down on my knees and straighten the top of. What I discovered here behind this curtain, Mr. Benny's box of cigars. Mmm, they sure look tempting. No, I guess I better not. But I don't think he counts them any more. There ain't no notches on the lid. Oh, shouldn't I? Get thee behind me, Satan. I can't reach the box with you standing in front of me. I'll take just one. There. I guess I'll take another one. Satan enjoys smoking too. Well, now I better sweep up a little bit. I'm gonna buy a paper doll that I can call my own. A doll that other fellows cannot steal. Oh, boy, Satan. Rochester, what are you doing? Just dusting around a bit. Okay, I'll be right down. I better go in the next room and get rid of this cigar. I'm gonna buy a paper doll that I can call my own. A doll that other fellows cannot steal. What was that? Must be an echo. An echo that sings harmony? Oh, well, it's Christmas. And the flirty, flirty guys were... Hmm, I smell cigar smoke. Oh, Rochester! What is this I'm smelling? It ain't Chanel number five! Rochester, come here. Rochester, any time you want a cigar on Christmas, just ask me for it. Hey, I think our guests are beginning to arrive. Isn't that Miss Livingston's car pulling up? Yeah, I'll go to the door, boss. No, Rochester, I'll go. I'm gonna surprise Mary. I got some mistletoe over the door, and the minute she comes in, I'm gonna kiss her. Shh, quiet. Gee, and do I get a Christmas present besides? I thought it was Miss Livingston. Oh, she drove me over here, and she's parking the car. Oh, darn it. I hung that mistletoe up there especially for Mary. I wanted the kiss to be a surprise for her. Go on, you track me this way every year. Oh, quiet. I wanted Mary to get the kiss. Hey, she's coming up to walk now. Get in here quick. She didn't see the mistletoe, so there's still time. Now be quiet, Dennis. Dennis, I was supposed to do that. For heaven's sake. Hello, Jack, Merry Christmas. Same to you, Mary. Give me a kiss. There. Jack, I was hoping for a white Christmas, not a wet one. Oh, you liked it all right. Say, Mary, come on in the living room. I want to show you how I got things fixed up. Okay. Oh, by the way, I sent my maid butterfly to help out. Is she here? Yep, she's in the kitchen. Say, you have got the room fixed up nice. It looks swell. It sure does. And, Mary, do you like the Christmas tree? Oh, Jack, it's very pretty. And I don't think the year in the garage hurt it a bit. No, no, it didn't. And you know how it is, Mary, these days you have to conserve trees and wrapping paper and things like that. I know, but don't you think you're overdoing this conserving business? What do you mean? After all, Jack, using an old to pay for a welcome mat. Mary, it isn't an old to pay. Oh, no, every time somebody wipes their feet on it, you have to run out and comb it again. Mary, stop clowning with it. Say, boss, if you're expecting guests, you better get Mr. Billingsley out of the house. Today he's crazier than ever. He is not. Well, right now he's in his room wrapping up a Christmas present for you, and he's wrapping it in wallpaper. Oh, what's he giving me? A wall. Well, we can use one in the bathroom. Say, Mary, come in. I wonder who that is. Hello, Mary. Hiya, Jackson. Merry Christmas. And say, you brought your band with you. That's swell. Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad they're here, but you think they're coming to a party. They dress up a little. What are you talking about? They shaved, didn't they? Yes, but why aren't they wearing shirts? Well, that's where they shaved. They want people to see you. Well, your guitar player shaved two clothes as a rib sticking out there. Anyway, take the boys in the next room and they can set up their instrument. Oh, by the way, Phil, maybe the boys would like to have a drink first. No, as long as they're here in the house, they might as well stay. Phil, they don't have to go out for it. There's a big bowl of punch in the next room. Punch, okay. Come on, fellas, punch. Say, Mary, let's, uh... There must be some more of the gang. I'll get it, boys. It's probably Claudette Colbert or Barbara Stanwick or Ann Southern. You'd be happy if it was Lassie coming home. Now, wait a minute. I've invited a lot of... Hey, Mr. Benny, your writers are here. My writers? Well, let them in. The front wing! Of course. And I go going to the den, fellas, and when you finish tomorrow's script, you can join the party. Me, too, Mr. Benny. Why, certainly. Wait a minute. I only have four writers. Who are you? I'm the guy who writes for them. Oh. Oh, so that's how I get my jokes. Uh-huh. There ain't no picnic. I can tell you that. They beat me and kick me and twist my arm to force widacisms out of me. They beat you and kick you? Yeah, and that ain't all. They tie me in the chair, then the first guy shines a bright light in my eyes, the second guy blows cigarette smoke in my face that torment me, and the third guy says, give us a joke, or we'll send you back to Harvard. That's terrible. A fine bunch of... Say, wait a minute. What does my fourth writer do? Oh, he stands behind me and hits me over the head with a blackjack. Oh. Oh, well, as long as they're all working. I wish it fired those guys. Well... Except the one that hits me over the head with a blackjack. I like that. Yeah, I knew the boys were turning in pretty good stuff, but I didn't think they had help. Well, anyway, go on in with the rest of the boys and finish the script. Hey, Phil, Phil! Yeah, Jackson? Let's get this party going. How about some music? Okay. I had to get something to get them away from that fruit, you know? I think Butterfly should have it prepared by now. Well, let's go out in the kitchen and see how she's getting along. Okay. Hello, Butterfly. How's everything going? Oh, fine, Miss Livingston. Now, Butterfly, did you put the long stemmed glasses on the table like I told you to? Yes, sir. Well, what about the bucket with the ice cubes in it? I took care of that, boys. Here it is. And I put the bottle in the bucket of ice. Yes, the bottle's okay. Uh-huh. There's enough cracked ice around it. I put a clean napkin over it. And, Butterfly, just before you serve it, you're supposed to turn it slowly in the ice. Like this. See? Oh, boy, what you go through for a bottle of Pepsi Cola. Mary, I want everything to be perfect. I know. Now, Butterfly, when the guests are at the table, you serve from the left and take away the dishes from the right. Hmm? I said you must serve from the left and take away from the right. No, no, Butterfly. It's not a superstition. It's just the right way to do it, according to Emily Post. Oh, was she your last mate? Butterfly, we'll explain it to you some other time. Come on, Mary, let's go. Oh, Miss Livingston? Yes. Why, Butterfly, you have a boyfriend? Oh, come on, Butterfly, tell us. Have you really got a boyfriend? Butterfly, you can leave as soon as you're finished serving. Come on, Jack. Hey, Jackson, we're waiting. How about the grub, Bob? It's coming, it's coming. Say, Don, when did you get in? Oh, just a minute, Gough. And Jack, I want to thank you for the bonus you gave me for Christmas. Well, I couldn't think of anything to buy and I know cash always comes in handy. What'd you do with it, Don? What did I do with it? You see this diamond stick pin in my neck tie? Yes. Well, I took your bonus, added a little of my own money to it and bought the tie. I knew it would come in handy. Come on, Don, let's join the gang. We'll sing and play games and have some fun till the food's ready. Say, Jack, here comes that screwy border of yours. Oh, yes. Hello, Mr. Billingsley. Good evening, Mr. Benny. Having a merry Christmas, I see. Yes, we're celebrating. Would you, uh, would you care to join us? Oh, no, thanks, Mr. Benny. I must be running along. I've got a drive into town. Drive? But Mr. Billingsley, you haven't got a car. I haven't? No. And all the money I've spent on parking lots. Hmm. Oh, by the way, that reminds me. Of what? I wish I was a sleigh bell with a crisp crinkle. I jump upon my pogo stick and jingle, jingle, jingle. Say, say, that's very good. I wrote a poem for Thanksgiving, too, but we didn't have a turkey, so I ate it. I see. Well, goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. Well, naturally, at your age. We're going to play games and everything. Yeah. Well, is everybody having a good time? Quiet, Jack. Dennis is going to sing for the gang. Oh, he is? Yeah. Good. You're saying those carol languages. Now, who can that be? Come in. We haven't seen you since last Christmas. Yes, sir. It must be six or seven months. Come on, Andy. Grab yourself a bite to eat, and then we're going to play games and have some fun. Hey, wait a minute, Buck. Ma sent you a Christmas present. It's in this box. Well, thanks, Andy. What is it? Our pet homing pigeon. You remember that silver-gray one? Oh, yeah. But, gee, your ma was so fond of that pigeon. Yeah, I know, Buck. But she wants you to have it now. Well, won't she miss it? Yeah, but what's the difference? It died this morning. Well, it's not the gift. It's a sentiment behind it that counts. Well, anyway, Andy, I'm glad you're here to liven up the party. Yes, sir. Want to make a speech? Speech nothing. Me and Mary's going to sing a song. You and Mary, huh? Yeah, we're going to sing a duel. Two people sing. It's a duet. Oh. Well, what is it when I sing by myself? Lousy. Like a boat. Who wants a song? Yes. Well, I've been trapped a good joke. I'm still plagued there. Hey. Quiet, Mary. My boat is as good as theirs. You know, I've been playing this song for years. Maybe I better learn a new one. You ought to learn that one. The party's getting dull. We ought to do something to liven it up. What? Nuts flakes. Great nuts flakes. Eat them night and day. To get your fill of great nuts in your bomb. She too. They're a moldy rate. Sweet as a nut and a thrifty buy on the 12-ounce economy-sized package. They're a breakfast. Well, excuse me, won't you? Oh, go answer the phone. Hmm. Girlfriend, Gladys Abisco. Well, Gladys, I'm waiting for you. Why aren't you here yet? Umbs didn't come to work today, so I have to wait on her tables, too. Gladys, honey, even if you are waiting on Hilda's tables, that won't keep you busy all night, will it? No, poochie. My wife is in the bus to get to your house. Gladys, this is Christmas. Why don't you take a cab? You're getting Hilda's tips. You can't. I guess you can't. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow night. I'll meet you at our usual rendezvous. All right. Gee, I hope there's a full moon. It's so dark and the library at top hits. Well, see you there tomorrow night, Gladys. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, honey. Yeah. Don't forget to wear your hip boots. Well, fellas, Gladys won't be here, so what do you say we... Hey, Rochester. Rochester. Yes, boss. Where is everybody? Have they gone home? No, boss. The party's just starting. They're all out in the backyard. Oh, good. What are they doing? They're burying my violin. Burying my violin? Well, for goodness' sake, you think that Ms. Livingston would stop them? Stop them? She was the head paul there. Well, I'll show them. Imagine burying my violin. Nothing anymore. I hope they bear that fiddle so deep that it'll never get out. Yes, sir. I'm going to buy a paper doll that I can call my old state Satan. You hear again? Come on, boy. Let's get some more of those cigars. As follows. J. Algernon Withers had a case of the dithers and lost all his zip by 11. Because this poor bloke neglected to stoke with the right kind of breakfast at 7. There you are. How can a big, tall guy like J. Algernon expect to go out and do a good day's job on a canary bird breakfast? How can anybody start the day right, folks? Start it with a big, tempting bowl of grape nuts or grape nuts flakes with milk and fruit. That gives you a swell, wide-awake treat. Crisp and refreshing and delicious. And it gives you just what dieticians say the adequate breakfast should include. Milk and fruit plus a cereal with whole-brain nourishment. And I mean, moldy, rich grape nuts and grape nuts flakes do bring you whole-brain nourishment. Plenty of it. Yes, eat a good breakfast. Do a better job. And don't miss those two grand, sweet-as-a-nuts cereals, grape nuts and grape nuts flakes. Well, folks, before we're back with you again next Sunday, it will be 1944. So on behalf of my cast, my sponsor and myself, I want to extend to all of you in America and to all of our armed forces and allies everywhere best wishes for a happy and victorious New Year. Good night, everybody. I say, I say, I say, I say, get grape nut sweet meal right away. In the new economy package Nifty, it's jumbo size and oh, so thrifty. Taste. So get them both and make up this lovely, luscious dessert. But be sure when you buy to ask for Jell-O, because only Jell-O's new locked-in process gives you all the flavor always. We're a little late, so good night, folks. Did you know that the folks who make Jell-O also make three of the most delicious puddings you ever tasted? Jell-O chocolate, Jell-O vanilla, and Jell-O butterscotch puddings. And are they swell? Jell-O vanilla pudding. Well, even Grandma would be proud to make a pudding as smooth and rich as this one. It's wonderful homemade flavor lends itself to luscious puddings, cream pies, tarts, cakes with cream fillings, and lots of other grand desserts. And it takes only a few pennies to buy, a few minutes to make. Tomorrow, when you order Jell-O, ask for Jell-O puddings too. Jell-O puddings are just like Grandma's only morsel. This is the red network of the national broadcasting company. K-F-I, Los Angeles.