 Chapter 9 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett. Chapter 9. He is found by the Lieutenant, reconducted to his own house, married to Mistress Grizzle, who meets with a small misfortune in the night and asserts her prerogative next morning, in consequence of which her husband's eye is endangered. Meanwhile, Lieutenant Hatchway made shift to hobble to the church where he informed the company of what had happened to the Commodore. And the bride behaved with great decency on the occasion. For as she understood the danger to which her future husband was exposed, she fainted in the arms of her sister-in-law, to the surprise of all the spectators who could not comprehend the cause of her disorder. And when she was recovered by the application of smelling bottles, earnestly begged that Mr Hatchway and Tom Pipes should take her brother's coach and go in quest of their commander. This task they readily undertook, being escorted by all the rest of the adherents on horseback, while the bride and her friends were invited to the parson's house and the ceremony deferred till another occasion. The Lieutenant, steering his course as near the line of direction in which Trunnion went off as the coach road would permit, got intelligence of his track from one farmhouse to another, for such an apparition could not fail of attracting particular notice. And one of the horsemen having picked up his hat and wig in a bypass, the whole troop entered the village where he was lodged about four o'clock in the afternoon. When they understood that he was safely housed at the George, they rode up to the door in a body and expressed their satisfaction in three chairs, which were returned by the company within as soon as they were instructed in the nature of the salute by Trunnion, who by this time had entered into all the jollity of his new friends and was indeed more than half seas over. The Lieutenant was introduced to all present as his sworn brother and had something tossed up for his dinner. Tom Pipes and the crew were regaled in another room and a fresh pair of horses being put to the coach. About six in the evening, the Commodore with all his attendants departed for the garrison after having shook hands with every individual in the house. Without any further accident, he was conveyed in safety to his own gate before nine and committed to the care of Pipes, who carried him instantly to his hammock, while the Lieutenant was driven away to the place where the bride and her friends remained in great anxiety, which vanished when he assured them that his Commodore was safe, being succeeded by abundance of mirth and pleasantry at the account he gave of Trunnion's adventure. Another day was fixed for the nuptials and in order to bulk the curiosity of idle people, which had given great offence, the parson was prevailed upon to perform the ceremony in the garrison, which all that day was adorned with flags and penance displayed and at night illuminated by the direction of Hatchway, who also ordered the Patereros to be fired as soon as the marriage knot was tied. Neither were the other parts of the entertainment neglected by this ingenious contriver who produced undeniable proofs of his elegance and art in the wedding supper which had been committed to his management and direction. This genial banquet was entirely composed of sea dishes. There was a huge pillar consisting of a large piece of beef sliced, a couple of fowls and half a peck of rice smoked in the middle of the board. A dish of hard fish swimming in oil appeared at each end, the sides being furnished with a mess of that savoury composition known by the name of Lubbs course and the plate of Salma Gandhi. The second course displayed a goose of a monstrous magnitude with two guinea hens, a pig barbecued, a hawk of salt pork in the midst of a peas pudding, a leg of mutton roasted with potatoes and another boiled with yams. The third service was made up of a loin of fresh pork with apple sauce, a kid smothered with onions and a terrapin baked in the shell. And last of all, a prodigious sea pie was presented with an infinite volume of pancakes and fritters. That everything might be answerable to the magnificence of this delicate feast, he had provided vast quantities of strong beer, flip, rumbo and burnt brandy with plenty of Barbados water for the ladies and hired all the fiddles within six miles, which with the addition of a drum, bagpipe and Welsh harp regaled the guests with the most melodious concert. The company, who were not at all exceptions, seemed extremely well pleased with every particular of the entertainment and the evening being spent in the most social manner, the bride was by her sister conducted to her apartment where, however, a trifling circumstance had liked to have destroyed the harmony which had been hitherto maintained. I have already observed that there was not one standing bed within the walls, therefore the reader will not wonder that Mistress Trunnion was out of humour when she found herself under the necessity of being confined with her spouse in a hammock which, though enlarged with a double portion of canvas and dilated with a yoke for the occasion, was at best but a disagreeable, not to say dangerous situation. She accordingly complained with some warmth of this inconvenience which she imputed to disrespect and at first absolutely refused to put up with the expedient. But Mistress Pickle soon brought her to reason and compliance by observing that one night will soon be elapsed and next day she might regulate her own economy. Thus persuaded she benched into the vehicle and was visited by her husband in less than an hour, the company being departed to their own homes and the garrison left to the command of his lieutenant and mate. But it seems the hooks which supported this swinging couch were not calculated for the addition of weight which they were now destined to bear and therefore gave way in the middle of the night to the no small terror of Mistress Trunnion who perceiving herself falling screamed aloud and by that exclamation brought hatchway with a light into the chamber. Though she had received no injury by the fall she was extremely discomposed and incensed at the accident which she even openly ascribed to the obstinacy and whimsical oddity of the Commodore in such petulant terms as evidently declared that she thought her great aim accomplished and her authority secured against all the shocks of fortune. Indeed her bedfellow seems to be of the same opinion by his tacit resignation for he made no reply to her insinuations but with the most vinegar aspect crawled out of his nest and betook himself to rest in another apartment while his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant and from the wreck of the hammock made an occasional bed for herself on the floor fully determined to provide better accommodation for the next night's lodging. Having no inclination to sleep her thoughts during the remaining parts of the night were engrossed by a scheme of reformation she was resolved to execute in the family and no sooner did the first lark bid salutation to the morn than starting from her humble couch and huddling on her clothes she sallied from her chamber explored her way through paths before unknown and in the course of her researches perceived a large bell to which she made such effectual application as alarmed every soul in the family. In a moment she was surrounded by hatchway, pipes and all the rest of the servants half-dressed but seeing none of the feminine gender appear she began to storm at the sloth and laziness of the maids who she observed ought to have been at work an hour at least before she called and then for the first time understood that no woman was permitted to sleep within the walls. She did not fail to exclaim against this regulation and being informed that the cook and chambermaid lodged in a small office house that stood without the gate ordered the drawbridge to be let down and in person beat up their quarters commanding them forthwith to set about scouring the rooms which had not been hitherto kept in a very decent condition while two men were immediately employed to transport the bed on which she used to lie in her brother's house to her new habitation so that in less than two hours the whole economy of the garrison was turned topsy-turvy and everything involved in tumult and noise. Trunnion being disturbed and distracted with the uproar turned out in his shirt like a maniac and arming himself with a cudgel of crabtree made an eruption into his wife's apartment where perceiving a couple of carpenters at work joining a bedstead he with many dreadful oaths and approbrious invectives ordered them to desist swearing he would suffer no bulkheads nor hurricane houses to stand where he was master but finding his remonstrances disregarded by these mechanics who believed him to be some madman belonging to the family who had broken from his confinement he assaulted them both with great fury and indignation and was handled so roughly in the encounter that in a very short time he measured his length on the floor in consequence of a blow that he received from a hammer by which the sight of his remaining eye was grievously endangered having thus reduced him to a state of subjection they resolved to secure him with cords and were actually busy in adjusting his fetters when he was exempted from the disgrace by the accidental entrance of his spouse who rescued him from the hands of his adversaries and in the midst of her condolence imputed his misfortune to the inconsiderate roughness of his own disposition he breathed nothing but revenge and made some efforts to chastise the insolence of the workmen who as soon as they understood his quality asked forgiveness for what they had done with great humility protesting that they did not know he was the master of the house but far from being satisfied with this apology he groped about for the bell the inflammation of his eye having utterly deprived him of sight and the rope being by the precaution of the delinquents conveyed out of his reach began to storm with incredible vociferation like a lion roaring in the toil pouring forth innumerable oaths and execrations and calling by name hatchway and pipes who being within hearing obeyed the extraordinary summons and were ordered to put the carpenters in irons for having audaciously assaulted him in his own house his mermidons seeing he had been evil treated were exasperated at the insult he had suffered which they considered as an affront upon the dignity of the garrison the more so as the mutineers seemed to put themselves in a posture of defence and set their authority at defiance they therefore unsheathed their cutlasses which they commonly wore as badges of their commission and a desperate engagement in all probability would have ensued had not the lady of the castle interposed and prevented the effects of their animosity by assuring the lieutenant that the Commodore had been the aggressor and that the workmen finding themselves attacked in such an extraordinary manner by a person whom they did not know were obliged to act in their own defence by which he had received that unlucky contusion Mr Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments of Mistress Chunyan than sheathing his indignation he told the Commodore he should always be ready to execute his lawful commands that he could not in conscience be concerned in oppressing poor people who had been guilty of no offence this unexpected declaration together with the behaviour of his wife who in his hearing desired the carpenters to resume their work filled the breast of Chunyan with rage and mortification he pulled off his woollen nightcap, pummeled his bare paint beat the floor alternately with his feet swore his people had betrayed him and cursed himself to the lowest pit of hell for having admitted such a cockatrice into his family but all these exclamations did not avail they were among the last essays of his resistance to the will of his wife whose implements among his adherents had already swallowed up his own and peremptorily told him that he must leave the management of everything within doors to her who understood best what was for his honour and advantage she then ordered the poultice to be prepared for his eye which being applied he was committed to the care of pipes by whom he was led about the house like a blind bear growling for prey while his industrious yoke fellow executed every circumstance of the plan she had projected so that when he recovered his vision he was an utter stranger in his own house End of Chapter 9 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 10 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 10 The Commodore being in some cases restive his lady has recourse to artifice in the establishment of her throne she exhibits symptoms of pregnancy to the unspeakable joy of Trunnion who nevertheless is balked in his expectation These innovations were not affected without many loud objections on his part and divers curious dialogues passed between him and his yoke fellow who always came off victorious from the dispute in so much that his countenance gradually fell he began to suppress and at length entirely devoured his chagrin the terrors of superior authority were plainly perceivable in his features and in less than three months he became a thorough paced husband not that his obstinacy was extinguished though overcome in some things he was as inflexible and new-ish as ever but then he durst not kick so openly and was reduced to the necessity of being passive in his resentments Mr Trunnion for example proposed that a coach and sick should be purchased as she could not ride on horseback and the sheaths was a scandalous carriage for a person of her condition the Commodore conscious of his own inferior capacity and point of reasoning did not think it proper to dispute the proposal but lent a deaf ear to her repeated remonstrances though they were enforced with every argument which she thought could soothe, terrify, shame or decoy him into compliance in vain did she urge the excess of affection she had for him as meriting some return of tenderness and condescension he was even proof against certain menacing hints she gave touching the resentment of a slighted woman and he stood out against all the considerations of dignity or disgrace like a bulwark of brass neither was he moved to any indecent or unkind expressions of contradiction even when she up braided him with his sordid disposition and put him in mind of the fortune and honour he had acquired by his marriage but seemed to retire within himself like a tortoise when attacked that shrinks within its shell and silently endured the scourge of her approaches without seeming sensible of the smart this however was the only point in which she had been baffled since her nuptials and as she could by no means digest the miscarriage she tortured her invention for some new plan by which she might augment her influence and authority what a genius refused was supplied by accident for she had not lived four months in the garrison when she was seized with frequent qualms and retchings in a word she congratulated herself on the symptoms of her own fertility and the Commodore was transported with joy at the prospect of an heir of his own begetting she knew this was the proper season for vindicating her own sovereignty and accordingly employed the means which nature had put in her power there was not a rare piece of furniture or apparel for which she did not long and one day as she went to church seeing Lady Stacey's equipage arrive she suddenly fainted away her husband whose vanity had never been so perfectly gratified as with this promised harvest of his own sowing took the alarm immediately and in order to prevent relapses of that kind which might be attended with fatal consequences to his hope gave her leave to bespeak a coach, horses and liveries to her own liking thus authorised she in a very little time exhibited such a specimen of her own taste and magnificence as afforded speculation to the whole country and made Trunnion's heart quake within him because he foresaw no limits to her extravagance which also manifested itself in the most expensive preparations for her lying in her pride which had hitherto regarded the representative of her father's house seemed now to lose all that hereditary respect and prompted to outshine and undervalue the elder branch of the family she behaved to Mistress Pickle with a sort of civil reserve that implied a conscious superiority and an emulation in a point of grandeur immediately commenced between the two sisters she every day communicated her importance to the whole parish under pretense of taking the air in her coach and endeavour to extend her acquaintance among people of fashion nor was this an undertaking attended with great difficulty for all persons whatever capable of maintaining a certain appearance will always find admission into what is called the best company and be rated in point of character according to their own valuation without subjecting their pretensions to the smallest doubt or examination in all her visits and parties she seized every opportunity of declaring her present condition observing that she was forbid by her physicians to taste such a pickle and that such a dish was poisoned to a woman in her way nay where she was on a footing of familiarity she affected to make rye faces and complained that the young rogue began to be very unruly writhing herself into diverse contortions as if she had been grievously incommodated by the metal of this future trunnion the husband himself did not behave with all the moderation that might have been expected at the club he frequently mentioned this circumstance of his own vigor as a pretty successful feat to be performed by an old fellow of 55 and confirmed the opinion of his strength by redoubled squeezes of the landlord's hand which never failed of extorting a satisfactory certificate of his might when his companions drank to the Hansen Keldor or Jack in the low cellar he could not help displaying an extraordinary complacence of countenance and signified his intention of sending the young dog to sea as soon as he should be able to carry a cartridge in hopes of seeing him an officer before his own death this hope helped to console him under the extraordinary expense to which he was exposed by the profusion of his wife especially when he considered that his compliance with her prodigality would be limited to the expiration of the nine months of which the best part was by this time elapsed yet in spite of all this philosophical resignation her fancy sometimes soared to such a ridiculous and intolerable pitch of insolence and absurdity that his temper for suck him and he could not help wishing in secret that her pride might be confounded in the dissipation of her most flattering hopes even though he himself should be a principal sufferer by the disappointment these however when no other than the suggestions of temporary disgusts that commonly subsided as suddenly as they arose and never gave the least disturbance to the person who inspired them because he took care to conceal them carefully from her knowledge meanwhile she happily advanced in her reckoning with the promise of a favorable issue the term of her computation expired and in the middle of the night she was visited by certain warnings that seemed to bespeak the approach of the critical moment the Commodore got up with great alacrity and called the midwife who had been several days in the house the gossips were immediately summoned and the most interesting expectations prevailed but the symptoms of labour gradually vanished and as the matrons sagely observed this was no more than a false alarm two nights after they received a second intimation and as she was sensibly diminished in the waist everything was supposed to be in a fair way yet this visitation was not more conclusive than the former her pains wore off in spite of all her endeavours to encourage them and the good women betook themselves to their respective homes in expectation of finding the third attack decisive alluding to the well-known maxim that number three is always fortunate for once however this apathem failed the next call was altogether as ineffectual as the former and moreover attended with a phenomenon which to them was equally strange and inexplicable this was no other than such a reduction in the size of Mistress Trunnion this might have been expected after the birth of a full-grown child startled at such an unaccountable event they sat in close divan and concluding that the case was in all respects unnatural and prodigious desired that a messenger might be immediately dispatched for some male practitioner in the art of midwifery the Commodore without guessing the cause of her perplexity ordered pipes immediately on this piece of duty and in less than two hours they were assisted by the advice of a surgeon of the neighborhood who boldly affirmed that the patient had never been with child this a separation was like a clap of thunder to Mistress Trunnion who had been during eight whole days and nights in continual expectation of being hailed with the appellation of father after some recollection he swore the surgeon was an ignorant fellow and that he would not take his word for what he advanced being comforted and confirmed in his want of faith by the insinuations of the midwife who still persisted to feed Mistress Trunnion with hopes of a speedy and safe delivery observing that she had been concerned in many a case of the same nature where a fine child was found even after all signs of the mother's pregnancy had disappeared every twig of hope, how slender so ever it may be is eagerly caught hold on by people who find themselves in danger of being disappointed to every question proposed by her to the lady with the preambles of hantu or donchu answer was made in the affirmative whether agreeable to truth or not because the respondent could not find in her heart to disown any symptom that might favor the notion she had so long indulged this experienced proficient in the obstetric art was therefore kept in close attendance for the space of three weeks during which the patient had several returns of what she pleased herself with believing to be labour pains till at length she and her husband became the standing joke of the parish and this infatuated couple could scarce be prevailed upon to part with their hope even when she appeared as lank as a greyhound and they were furnished with other unquestionable proofs of their having been deceived but they could not forever remain under the influence of this sweet delusion which at last faded away and was succeeded by a paroxysm of shame and confusion that kept the husband within doors for the space of a whole fortnight and confined his lady to her bed for a series of weeks in which she suffered all the anguish of the most intense mortification yet even this was subdued by the lenient hand of time the first respite from her chagrin was employed in the strict discharge of what are called the duties of religion which she performed with the most rancorous severity setting on foot a persecution in her own family that made the house too hot for all the menial servants and ruffled the almost invincible indifference of Tom Pipes harassed the Commodore himself out of all patience and spared no individual but Lieutenant Hatchway whom she never ventured to disablage End of Chapter 10 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazel Neersary Chapter 11 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Ernie Bob The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Mollay Chapter 11 Mrs. Traniin erects a tyranny in the garrison while her husband conceives an affection for his nephew Perry who manifests a peculiarity of disposition even in his tender years Having exercised herself three months in such pious amusements she appeared again in the world but her misfortune had made such an impression on her mind that she could not bear the sight of a child and trembled whenever conversation happened to turn upon a christening temper which was naturally none of the sweetest seemed to have imbibed a double proportion of souring from her disappointment Of consequence her company was not much coveted and she found very few people disposed to treat her with those remarks of consideration which she looked upon as her due This neglect detached her from the society of an unmanally world She concentrated the energy of all her talents in the government of her own house which groined accordingly under her arbitrary sway and in the brandy bottle found ample consolation for all the affliction she had undergone As for the Commodore he in a little time weathered his disgrace after having sustained many severe joys from the lieutenant and now his chief aim being to be absent from his own house as much as possible He frequented the public house more than ever more assiduously cultivated the friendship of his brother-in-law, Mr. Pickle and in the course of their intimacy conceived an affection for his nephew Perry which did not end but with his life Indeed, it must be owned that Tranian was not naturally deficient in the social passions of the soul which, though they were strangely warped, disguised and overborn by the circumstance of his boisterous life and education did not fail to manifest themselves occasionally through the whole course of his behaviour As all the hopes of propagating his own name had perished and his relations lay under the interdiction of his hate it is no wonder that through the familiarity and friendly intercourse subsisting between him and Mr. Gamalil he contracted a liking for the boy who, by this time, entered the third year of his age and was indeed a very handsome, healthy and promising child and what seemed to ingratiate him still more with his uncle was a certain oddity of disposition for which he had been remarkable even from his cradle It is reported of him that before the first year of his infancy was elapsed he used very often, immediately after being dressed in the midst of the caresses which were bestowed upon him by his mother while she indulged herself in the contemplation of her own happiness all of a sudden to alarm her with the fit of shrieks and cries which continued with great violence till he was stripped to the skin with the utmost expedition by order of his affrighted parent who thought his tender body was tortured by the misapplication of some unlucky pill when he had given them all this disturbance and unnecessary trouble he would be sprawling and laughing in the faces as if he ridiculed the impertinence of their concern Nay, it is affirmed that one day when an old woman who attended in the nursery had by stealth conveyed a bottle of cordial waters to her mouth, he pulled his nurse by the sleeve by a slight glance, detect the theft and tipped her at the wink with a particular slowness of countenance as if he had said with a sneer Aye aye, that is what you must all come to but these instances of reflection in a babe nine months old are so incredible that I look upon them as observations founded upon imagined recollection when he was in a more advanced stage and his peculiarities of temper became much more remarkable of a piece with the ingenious discoveries of those sagacious observers who can discern something evidently characteristic in the features of any noted personage whose character they have previously heard explained yet without pretending to specify at what period of his childhood this singularity first appeared I can with great truth declare that when he first attracted the notice and affection of his uncle it was plainly perceivable one would imagine he had marked out the Commodore as a proper object of ridicule for almost all his little childish satire was levelled against him I will not deny that he might have been influenced in this particular by the example and instruction of Mr. Hatchway who delighted in superintending the first essays of his genius as the gout had taken up his residence in Mr. Trinean's great toy from whence it never removed no, not for a day little Perry took great pleasure in treading by accident on this infirm member and when his uncle incensed by the pain used to dam him for a hell-begotten brat he would appease him in a twinkling by returning the curse with equal emphasis and asking what was the matter with old Hannibal Tuff an appellation by which the lieutenant had taught him to distinguish this grim commander neither was this the only experiment he tried upon the patience of the Commodore with whose noise he used to take indecent freedoms even while he was fondled on his knee in one month he put him to the expense of two guineas in Seelskin by picking his pocket of diverse tobacco pouches all of which he, in secret, committed to the flames noted the caprice of his disposition abstained from the favourite beverage of Trinean who more than once swallowed a whole draft in which his brother Snuffbox had been emptied before he perceived the disagreeable infusion and one day when the Commodore had chastised him by a gentle tap with his cane he fell flat on the floor as if he had been deprived of all sense and motion to the terror and amazement of the striker and after having filled the whole house with confusion and dismay opened his eyes and laughed heartily at the success of his own imposition it would be an endless and perhaps not very agreeable task to enumerate all the unlucky pranks he played upon his uncle and others before he attained the fourth year of his age about which time he was sent, with an attendant to a day school in the neighbourhood that to use his good mother's own expression he might be out of harm's way here however he made little progress except in mischief which he practised with impunity because the school mistress would run no risk of disobliging a lady of fortune by exercising unnecessary severities upon her only child nevertheless Mrs. Pickle was not so blindly partial as to be pleased with such unseasonable indulgence Perry was taken out of hands of this courteous teacher and committed to the instruction of a pedigree who was ordered to administer such correction as the boy should, in his opinion, deserve this authority he did not neglect to use his pupil was regularly flogged twice a day and after having been subjected to this course of discipline for the space of 18 months declared the most obstinate, dull and untoward genius that ever had fallen under his cultivation instead of being reformed he seemed rather hardened and confirmed in his vicious inclinations and was dead to all sense of fear as well as shame his mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms of stupidity which she considered as an inheritance derived from the spirit of his father and consequently insurmountable by all efforts of human care but the Commodore rejoiced over the ruggedness of his nature and was particularly pleased when, upon inquiry he found that Perry had beaten all the boys in the school a circumstance from which he prognosticated everything that was fair and fortunate in his future fate observing that at his age he himself was just such another the boy, who was now turned of six having profited so little under the birch of his unsparing governor Mrs. Pickle was counseled to send him to a boarding school not far from London which was kept by a certain person very eminent for his successful method of education this advice she, the more readily embraced because at that time she found herself pretty far gone with another child that she hoped would console her for the disappointment she had met within the unpromising talents of Perry or at any rate divide her concern so as to enable her to endure the absence of either End of Chapter 11 Recording by Ernie Bob Chapter 12 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Giesen The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 12 Peregrine is sent to a boarding school becomes remarkable for his genius and ambition The Commodore understanding her determination to which her husband did not venture to make the least objection interested himself so much in behalf of his favourite as to fit him out at his own charge and accompany him in person to the place of his destination where he defrayed the expense of his entrance and left him to the particular care and inspection of the Usher who having been recommended to him as a person of parts and integrity received per advance a handsome consideration for the task he undertook Nothing could be better judged than this piece of liberality The assistant was actually a man of learning, probity and good sense and though obliged by the scandalous administration of Fortune to act in the character of an inferior teacher had by his sole capacity and application brought the school to that degree of reputation which it never could have obtained from the talents of its superior He had established an economy which though regular was not at all severe by enacting a body of laws suited to the age and comprehension of every individual and each transgressor was fairly tried by his peers and punished according to the verdict of the jury No boy was scourged for want of apprehension but a spirit of emulation was raised by well-timed praise and artful comparison and maintained by a distribution of small prizes which were adjudged to those who signalised themselves either by their industry, sobriety or genius This tutor whose name was Jennings began with Perry according to his constant maxim by examining the soil that is studying his temper in order to consult the bias of his disposition which was strangely perverted by the absurd discipline he had undergone He found him in a state of sullen insensibility which the child had gradually contracted in a long course of stupefying correction and at first he was not in the least activated by that commendation which animated the rest of his school fellows nor was it in the power of reproach to excite his ambition which had been buried as it were in the grave of disgrace The usher therefore had recourse to contemptuous neglect with which he effected to treat this stubborn spirit foreseeing that if he retained any seeds of sentiment this weather would infallibly raise them into vegetation His judgement was justified by the event the boy in a little time began to make observations He perceived the marks of distinction with which virtue was rewarded grew ashamed of the despicable figure he himself made among his companions who far from courting rather shunned his conversation and actually pined at his own want of importance Mr Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortification which he suffered to proceed as far as possible without endangering his health The child lost all relish for diversion loathed his food, grew pensive, solitary and was frequently found weeping by himself These symptoms plainly evinced the recovery of his feelings to which his governor thought it now high time to make application and therefore by little and little altered his behaviour from the indifference he had put on to the appearance of more regard and attention This produced a favourable change in the boy whose eyes sparkled with satisfaction one day when his master expressed himself with a show of surprise in these words So, Perry, I find you don't want genius when you think proper to use it Such in comiums kindled the spirit of emulation in his little breast He exerted himself with surprising alacrity by which he soon acquitted himself of the imputation of dullness and obtained sundry honoree Silver Penis as acknowledgments of his application His school fellows now solicited his friendship as eagerly as they had avoided it before and in less than 12 months after his arrival this supposed dunce was remarkable for the brightness of his parts Having in that short period learned to read English perfectly well made great progress in writing enabled himself to speak the French language without hesitation and acquired some knowledge in the rudiments of the Latin town The Usher did not fail to transmit an account of his proficiency to the Commodore who received it with transport and forthwith communicated the happy tidings to the parents Mr. Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subject to violent emotions heard them with a sort of phlegmatic satisfaction that scarce manifested itself either in his countenance or expressions Nor did the child's mother break forth into that rapture and admiration which might have been expected when she understood how much the talents of her first born had exceeded the hope of her warmest imagination Not but that she professed herself well pleased with Perry's reputation though she observed that in these commendations the truth was always exaggerated by school masters for their own interest and pretended to wonder that the Usher had not mingled more probability with his praise Trunnion was offended at her indifference and want of faith and believing that she refined too much in her discernment swore that Jennings had declared the truth and nothing but the truth for he himself had prophesied from the beginning that the boy would turn out a credit to his family But by this time Mistress Pickle was blessed with the daughter whom she had brought into the world about six months before the intelligence arrived so that her care and affection being otherwise engrossed the praise of Perry was the less greedily devoured The abatement of her fondness was an advantage to his education which would have been retarded and perhaps ruined by pernicious indulgence and preposterous interposition had her love considered him as an only child whereas her concern being now diverted to another object that shared at least one half of her affection he was left to the management of his preceptor who tutored him according to his own plan without any let or interruption indeed all his sagacity and circumspection were but barely sufficient to keep the young gentleman in order for now that he had won the palm of victory from his rivals in point of scholarship his ambition dilated and he was seized with the desire of subjecting the whole school by the valour of his arm before he could bring this project to bear innumerable battles were fought with various success every day a bloody nose and complaint were presented against him and his own visage commonly bore some livid marks of obstinate contention at length however he accomplished his aim his adversaries were subdued his prowess acknowledged and he obtained the laurel in war as well as in wit thus triumphant he was intoxicated with success his pride rose in proportion to his power and in spite of all the endeavours of Jennings who practised every method he could invent for curbing his licentious conduct without depressing his spirit he contracted a large proportion of insolence which a series of misfortunes that happened to him in the sequel could scarce effectually tame nevertheless there was a fund of good nature and generosity in his composition and though he established a tyranny among his comrades the tranquillity of his reign was maintained by the love rather than by the fear of his subjects in the midst of all this enjoyment of empire he never once violated that respectful awe with which the usher had found means to inspire him but he by no means preserved the same regard for the principal master an old illiterate German quack who had formally practised corn cutting among the quality and sold cosmetic washes to the ladies together with teeth powders, hair-dying liquors, prolific elixirs and tinctures to sweeten the breath these nostrums recommended by the art of cringing in which he was consummate ingratiated him so much with people of fashion that he was enabled to set up school with five and twenty boys of the best families whom he boarded on his own terms and undertook to instruct in the French and Latin languages so as to qualify them for the colleges of Westminster and Eaton while this plan was in its infancy he was so fortunate as to meet with Jennings who for the paltry consideration of thirty pounds a year which his necessities compelled him to accept took the whole trouble of educating the children upon himself contrived an excellent system for that purpose and by his acidity and knowledge executed all the particulars to the entire satisfaction of those concerned who by the by never inquired into his qualifications but suffered the other to enjoy the fruits of his labour and ingenuity over and above a large stock of avarice, ignorance and vanity this superior had certain ridiculous peculiarities in his person such as a hunch upon his back and distorted limbs that seemed to attract the satirical notice of Peregrine who young as he was took offence at his want of reverence for his usher over whom he sometimes chose opportunities of displaying his authority that the boys might not misplace their veneration Mr. Kipestick therefore, such as I have described him incurred the contempt and displeasure of this enterprising pupil who now being in the tenth year of his age had capacity enough to give him abundance of vexation he underwent many mortifying jokes from the invention of Pickle and his confederates so that he began to entertain suspicion of Mr. Jennings who he could not help thinking had been at the bottom of them all and spirited up principles of rebellion in the school with a view of making himself independent possessed with this chimera which was void of all foundation the German descended so low as to tamper in private with the boys from whom he hoped to draw some very important discovery but he was disappointed in his expectations and this mean practice reaching the ears of his usher he voluntarily resigned his employment finding interest to obtain holy orders in a little time after he left the kingdom hoping to find a settlement in some of our American plantations the departure of Mr. Jennings produced a great revolution in the affairs of Kipestick which declined from that moment because he had neither authority to enforce obedience nor prudence to maintain order among his scholars so that the school degenerated into anarchy and confusion and he himself dwindled in the opinion of his employers who looked upon him as superannuated and withdrew their children from his tuition Peregrine seeing this dissolution of their society and finding himself every day deprived of some companion began to repine at his situation and resolved if possible to procure his release from the jurisdiction of the person whom he both detested and despised with this view he went to work and composed the following B.A. addressed to the Commodore which was the first specimen of his composition in the epistolary way Honoured and loving uncle hoping you are in good health this serves to inform you that Mr. Jennings is gone and Mr. Kipestick will never meet with this fellow the school is already almost broke up and the rest daily going away and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away also for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who is a perfect ignoramus who scarce knows the declination of Musa and is more fit to be a scarecrow than a schoolmaster hoping you will send for me soon with my love to my aunt and my duty to my honoured parents craving their blessing and yours and this is all at present from honoured uncle your well-beloved and dutiful nephew and godson and humble servant who command till death Peregrine Pickle Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this letter which he looked upon as one of the greatest efforts of human genius and as such communicated the contents to his lady whom he had disturbed for the purpose in the middle of her devotion by sending a message to her closet whether it was her custom very frequently to retire she was out of humour at being interrupted and therefore did not peruse this specimen of her nephew's understanding with all the relish that the Commodore himself had enjoyed on the contrary, after sundry paralytical endeavours to speak for her tongue sometimes refused its office she observed that the boy was a pert jack-o-nape and deserved to be severely chastised for treating his betters with such disrespect her husband undertook his godson's defence representing with great warmth that he knew kype-stick to be a good-for-nothing pimping old rascal and that Perry showed a great deal of spirit and good sense in desiring to be taken out from under his command he therefore declared that the boy should not live a week longer with such a shambling son of a bitch and sanctioned this declaration with abundance of oaths Mistress Trunnion composing her countenance into a look of religious demure-ness rebuked him for his profane way of talking and asked in a magisterial tone if he intended never to lay aside that brutal behaviour irritated at this reproach he answered in terms of indignation that he knew how to behave himself as well as ere a woman that wore a hat bade her mind her affairs and with another repetition of oaths she gave her to understand that he would be master in his own house the insinuation operated upon her spirits like friction upon a glass globe her face gleamed with resentment and every pore seemed to emit particles of flame she replied with incredible fluency of the bitterest expressions he retorted equal rage in broken hints and incoherent implications she rejoined with redoubled fury and in conclusion he was feigned to retake himself to flight ejaculating curses against her and muttering something concerning the brandy bottle which however he took care should never reach her ears from his own house he went directly to visit Mistress Pickle to whom he imparted Peregrine's epistle with many encomiums upon the boy's promising parts and finding his commendations but coolly received desired she would permit him to take his godson under his own care this lady whose family was now increased by another son who seemed to engross her care for the present had not seen Pere during a course of four years and with regard to him was perfectly weaned of that infirmity known by the name of maternal fondness she therefore consented to the Commodore's request with great condescension and a polite compliment to him on the concern he had all along manifested for the welfare of the child End of Chapter 12 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 13 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Giesen The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 13 The Commodore takes Peregrine under his own care the boy arrives at the garrison is strangely received by his own mother enters into a confederacy with hatchway and pipes and executes a couple of waggish enterprises upon his aunt Trunnion having obtained this permission that very afternoon dispatched the lieutenant in a post-shares to Kipe-Stick's house From whence in two days he returned with our young hero who being now in the eleventh year of his age had outgrown the expectation of all his family and was remarkable for the beauty and elegance of his person His godfather was transported at his arrival as if he had actually been the issue of his own loins he shook him heartily by the hand turned him round and round surveyed him from top to bottom Bad Hatchway take notice how handsomely he was built and squeezed his hand again saying damn you you dog I suppose you don't value such an old crazy son of a bitch as me a rope's end you have forgot how I was wont to dangle you on my knee when you was a little urchin no bigger than a davit and played a thousand tricks upon me burning my backo pouches and poisoning my rumbo ah damn you you can grin fast enough I see I warrant you have learnt more things than writing and the Latin lingo even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satisfaction on this joyful occasion and coming up to Perry thrust forth his forepaw and accosted him with the salutation of what cheer my young master I'm glad to see thee with all my heart these compliments being passed his uncle halted to the door of his wife's chamber at which he stood hallowing here is your kinsman Perry be like you won't come and bid him welcome Lord Mr Trunnion said she why will you continually harass me in this manner with your impertinent intrusion I harrow you replied the Commodore spladd I believe your upper work said damaged I only came to inform you that here was your cousin whom you have not seen these four long years and I'll be damned if there is such another of his age within the king's dominions to see either from make or metal here's a credit to the name to see but damn my eyes I'll say no more of the matter if you come you may and if you won't you may let it alone well I won't come then answered his yoke fellow for I'm at present more agreeably employed oh oh you are I believe so too cried the Commodore making rye faces and mimicking the action of drum drinking then addressing himself to hatchway privy jack said he go and try thy skill not stubborn hulk if anybody can bring her about I know you will the lieutenant accordingly taking his station at the door conveyed his persuasion in these words what won't you turn out and hail little Perry it will do your heart good to see such a handsome young dark I'm sure he is a very moral of you and is like as if he had been spit out of your own mouth as the saying is do show a little respect for your kinsman can't you to this remonstrance she replied in a mild tone of voice dear mr. hatchway you are always teasing one in such a manner sure I am nobody contacts me with unkindness or want of natural affection so saying she opened the door and advancing to the hall where her nephew stood received him very graciously and observed that he was the very image of her papa in the afternoon he was conducted by the Commodore to the house of his parents and strange to tell no sooner was he presented to his mother than her countenance changed she eyed him with tokens of affliction and surprise and bursting into tears exclaimed her child was dead and this was no other than an imposter whom they had brought to defraud her sorrow Trunnion was confounded at this unaccountable passion which had no other foundation than caprice and whim and Gamaliel himself was so disconcerted and unsettled in his own belief which began to waver but he knew not how to behave towards the boy whom his godfather immediately carried back to the garrison swearing all the way that Perry should never cross their threshold again with his good will nay so much was he incensed at this unnatural and absurd renunciation but he refused to carry on any further correspondence with Pickle until he was appeased by his solicitations and submission and Peregrine owned us his son and heir but this acknowledgement was made without the privity of his wife whose vicious aversion he was obliged in appearance to adopt thus exiled from his father's house the young gentleman was left entirely to the disposal of the Commodore whose affection for him daily increased in so much that he could scarcely prevail upon himself to part with him education absolutely required that he should be otherwise disposed of in all probability this extraordinary attachment was if not produced at least riveted by that peculiar turn in Peregrine's imagination which we have already observed and which during his residence in the castle appeared in sundry stratagems he practised upon his uncle and aunt under the auspices of Mr Hatchway who assisted him in the contrivance and execution of all his schemes nor was pipes exempted from a share in their undertakings for being a trusty fellow not without dexterity in some cases and altogether resigned to their will they found him a serviceable instrument for their purpose and used him accordingly the first sample of their art was exhibited upon Mistress Trunnion they terrified that good lady with strange noises when she retired to her devotion pipes was a natural genius in the composition of discords he could imitate the sound produced by the winding of a jack the filing of a saw and the swinging of a malefactor hanging in chains he could counterfeit the braying of an ass the screeching of a night owl the catawalling of cats the howling of a dog the squeaking of a pig the crowing of a cock and he had learnt the war-woo putted by the Indians in North America these talents were exerted successively at different times and places to the terror of Mistress Trunnion the discomposure of the Commodore himself and the consternation of all the servants in the castle peregrine with a sheet over his clothes sometimes tumbled before his aunt in the twilight when her organs of vision were a little impaired by the cordial she had swallowed and the Boson's mate taught him to shoe cats with walnut shells so that they made a most dreadful clattering in their nocturnal excursions the mind of Mistress Trunnion was not a little disturbed by these alarms which in her opinion portended the death of some principal person in the family she redoubled her religious exercises and fortified her spirits with fresh potations nay, she began to take notice that Mistress Trunnion's constitution was very much broken and seemed dissatisfied when people observed that they never saw him look better her frequent visit to the closet where all her consolation was deposited inspired the Confederates with a device which was like to have been attended with tragical consequences they found an opportunity to infuse jolop in one of her case bottles and she took so largely of this medicine that her constitution had well nice sunk under the violence of its effect she suffered a succession of fainting fits that reduced her to the brink of the grave in spite of all the remedies that were administered by a physician who was called in the beginning of her disorder after having examined the symptoms he declared that the patient had been poisoned with arsenic and prescribed only drafts and lubricating injections to defend the coats of the stomach and intestines from the bellicating particles of that pernicious mineral at the same time hinting with the look of infinite sagacity that it was not difficult to divine the whole mystery he affected to deplore the poor lady as if she was exposed to more attempts of the same nature thereby glancing obliquely at the innocent Commodore whom the officious son of Isculapius suspected as the author of this expedient to rid his hands of a yoke fellow for whom he was well known to have no great devotion this impertinent and malicious insinuation made some impression upon the bystanders and furnished ample field for slander to espouse the morals of Trunnion who was represented through the whole district as a monster of barbarity Nay the sufferer herself though she behaved with great decency and prudence could not help entertaining some small diffidence of her husband not that she imagined he had any design upon her life but that he had been at pains to adulterate the brandy with a view of detaching her from that favourite liquor on this supposition she resolved to act with more caution for the future without setting on foot any inquiry about the affair while the Commodore imputing her in disposition to some natural cause after the danger was passed never bestowed a thought upon the subject so that the perpetrators were quit of their fear which however had punished them so effectually that they never would hazard any more jokes of the same nature the shafts of their wit were now directed against the Commander himself whom they teased and terrified almost out of his senses one day while he was at dinner Pipes came and told him that there was a person below that wanted to speak with him immediately about an affair of the greatest importance that would admit of no delay upon which he ordered the stranger to be told that he was engaged and that he must send up his name and business to this demand he received for answer a message importing that the person's name was unknown to him and his business of such a nature that it could not be disclosed to anyone but the Commodore himself whom he earnestly desired to see without loss of time Trunnion, surprised at this importunity got up with great reluctance in the middle of his meal and descending to a parlour where the stranger was asked him in a surly tone what he wanted with him in such a damned hurry that he could not wait till he had made an end of his mass the other, not at all disconcerted at this rough address advanced close up to him on his tipped toes and with a look of confidence and conceit laying his mouth to one side of the Commodore's head whispered softly in his ear Sir, I am the attorney whom you wanted to converse with in private The attorney, cried Trunnion, staring and half choked with colour Yes, sir, it's your service replied this retainer of the law and if you please the sooner we dispatch the affair the better for it is an old observation that delay breeds danger Truly, brother, said the Commodore who could no longer contain himself I do confess that I am very much of your way of thinking, you see and therefore you shall be dispatched in a trice so saying he lifted up his walking staff which was something between a crutch and a cudgel and discharged it with such energy on the seat of the attorney's understanding that if there had been anything but solid bone the contents of his skull must have been evacuated fortified as he was by nature against all such assaults he could not withstand the momentum of the blow which in an instant laid him flat on the floor deprived of all sense and motion and Trunnion hopped upstairs to dinner applauding himself in ejaculations all the way for the vengeance he had taken on such an impudent and pedi-fagging miscreant The attorney no sooner awaked from his trance into which he had been so unexpectedly lulled than he cast his eyes around in quest of evidence by which he might be enabled the more easily to prove the injury he had sustained but not a soul appearing he made shift to get upon his legs again and with the blood trickling over his nose followed one of the servants into the dining room resolved to come to an explanation with the assailant and either extort money from him by way of satisfaction or provoke him to a second application before witnesses with this view he entered the room in appeal of clamour to the amazement of all present and the terror of Mistress Trunnion who shrieked at the appearance of such a spectacle and addressing himself to the Commodore I'll tell you what sir, said he if there be law in England I'll make you smart for this here assault you think you have screamed yourself from a prosecution by sending all your servants out of the way but that circumstance will appear upon trial to be a plain proof of the malice pre-pence with which the fact was committed especially when corroborated by the evidence of this here letter under your own hand whereby I am desired to come to your own house to transact an affair of consequence so he produced the writing and read the contents in these words Mr. Roger Ravine sir, being in a manner prisoner in my own house I desire you will give me a call precisely at three o'clock in the afternoon and insist upon seeing myself as I have an affair of great consequence in which your particular advice is wanted by your humble servant, Horser Trunnion the one-eyed commander who had been satisfied with the chastisement he had already bestowed upon the plaintiff hearing him read this audacious piece of forgery which he considered as the effect of his own villainy started up from the table and seizing a huge turkey that lay in a dish before him would have applied it source and all by way of poultice to his wound had he not been restrained by Hatchway who laid fast hold on both his arms and fixed him to his chair again advising the attorney to share off with what he had got far from following this salutary counsel he redoubled his threats set Trunnion at defiance telling him he was not a man of true courage although he had commanded a ship of war or else he would not have attacked any person in such a cowardly and clandestine manner this provocation would have answered his purpose effectually had not his adversaries indignation been repressed by the suggestions of the lieutenant who desired his friend in a whisper to be easy for he would take care to have the attorney tasked in a blanket for his presumption this proposal which he received with great approbation pacified him in a moment he wiped the sweat from his forehead and his features relaxed into a grim smile Hatchway disappeared and Ravine proceeded with great fluency of abuse until he was interrupted by the arrival of pipes who without any expostulation let him out by the hand and conducted him to the yard where he was put into a carpet and in a twinkling sent into the air by the strengthened dexterity of five stout operators whom the lieutenant had selected from the number of domestics for that singular spell of duty in vain did the astonished Volta beg for the love of God that they would take pity upon him and put an end to his involuntary gambles they were deaf to his prayers and protestations even when he swore in the most solemn manner that if they would cease tormenting him he would forget and forgive what was past and depart in peace to his own habitation and continued the game till they were fatigued with the exercise Ravine being dismissed in a most melancholy plight brought an action of assault and battery against the Commodore and subpoenaed all the servants as evidences in the cause but as none of them had seen what happened he did not find his account in the prosecution though he himself examined all the witnesses and among their questions asked whether they had not seen him come in like another man and whether they had ever seen any other man in such condition as that in which he had crawled off but this last interrogation they were not obliged to answer because it had reference to the second discipline he had undergone in which they and they only were concerned and no person is bound to give testimony against himself in short the attorney was non-suited to the satisfaction of all who knew him and found himself under the necessity of proving that he had received in course of post the letter which was declared in court a scandalous forgery in order to prevent an indictment with which he was threatened by the Commodore who little dreamt that the whole affair had been planned and executed by Peregrine and his associates the next enterprise in which this triumvirate engaged was a scheme to frighten trunnion with an apparition which they prepared and exhibited in this manner to the hide of a large ox pipes fitted eleven visor of a most terrible appearance stretched on the jaws of a shark which he had brought from sea and accommodated with a couple of broad glasses instead of eyes on the inside of these he placed two rush lights and with a composition of sulfur and salt pita made a pretty large fusée which he fixed between two rows of the teeth this equipage being finished he one dark night chosen for the purpose put it on and following the Commodore into a long passage in which he was preceded by Perry with a light in his hand kindled his firework with a match and began to bellow like a bull the boy as it was concerted looked behind him screamed aloud and dropped the light which was extinguished in the fall when trunnion alarmed at his nephew's consternation exclaimed zones what's the matter and turning about to see the cause of his dismay beheld a hideous phantom vomiting blue flame which aggravated the horrors of its aspect he was instantly seized with an agony of fear which divested him of his reason nevertheless he was it were mechanically raised his trusty supporter in his own defense and the apparition advancing towards him aimed it at this dreadful annoyance with such a convulsive exertion of strength that had not the blow chance to light upon one of the horns Mr. Pipes would have had no cause to value himself upon his invention misapplied as it was he did not fail to stagger at the shock and dreading another such salutation closed with the Commodore and having tripped up his heels retreated with great expedition it was then that Peregrine pretending to recollect himself a little ran with all the marks of disturbance and a fright and called up the servants to the assistance of their master whom they found in a cold sweat upon the floor his features betokening horror and confusion Hatchway raised him up and having comforted him with a cup of nance began to inquire into the cause of his disorder but he could not extract one word of answer from his friend who after a considerable pause during which he seemed to be wrapped in profound contemplation pronounced aloud by the Lord Jack you may say what you will but I'll be damned if it was not Davey Jones himself I know him by his sauce or eyes his three rows of teeth his horns and tail and the blue smoke that came out of his nostrils what does the black-eyed hell's baby want with me? I'm sure I never committed murder except in the way of my profession nor wronged any man whatsoever since I first went to sea this same Davey Jones according to the mythology of sailors is the fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of the deep and is often seen in various shapes perching among the rigging on the eve of hurricanes shipwrecks and other disasters to which a seafaring life is exposed warning the devoted wretch of death and woe no wonder then that Trunnion was disturbed by a supposed visit of this demon which in his opinion foreboded some dreadful calamity End of Chapter 13 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 14 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 14 He is also by their device engaged in an adventure with the excise man who does not find his account in his own drollery How some ever preposterous and unaccountable that passion may be which prompts persons otherwise generous and sympathising to afflict and perplex their fellow creatures certain it is our Confederates entertain such a large proportion of it that not satisfied with the pranks they had already played they still persecuted the Commodore without ceasing In the course of his own history the particulars of which he delighted to recount he had often rehearsed an adventure of deer stealing in which during the unthinking impetuosity of his youth he had been unfortunately concerned Far from succeeding in that achievement he and his associates had it seems been made prisoners after an obstinate engagement with his neighbours and carried before a neighbouring justice of the peace who used Trunnion with great indignity and with his companions committed him to jail His own relations and in particular an uncle on whom he chiefly depended treated him during his confinement with great rigor and inhumanity and absolutely refused to interpose his influence in his behalf unless he would sign a writing obliging himself to go to sea within 30 days after his release under the penalty of being preceded against as a felon The alternative was either to undergo this voluntary exile or remain in prison disowned and deserted by everybody and after all suffer an ignominious trial that might end in a sentence of transportation for life He therefore without much hesitation embraced the proposal of his kinsmen and as he observed was in less than a month after his discharge turn adrift to the mercy of the wind and waves Since that period he had never maintained any correspondence with his relations all of whom had concurred in sending him off Nor would he ever pay the least regard to the humiliations and supplications of some among them who had prostrated themselves before him on the advancement of his fortune but he retained a most inveterate resentment against his uncle who was still in being though extremely old and infirm and frequently mentioned his name with all the bitterness of revenge Perry being perfectly well acquainted with the particulars of this story which he had heard so often repeated proposed to Hatchway that a person should be hired to introduce himself to the Commodore with a suppositious letter of recommendation from this detested kinsman an imposition that in all likelihood would afford abundance of diversion The lieutenant relished the scheme and young Pickle having composed an epistle for the occasion the excisement of the parish a fellow of great impudence and some humour in whom Hatchway could confide undertook to transcribe and deliver it with his own hand and also personate the man in whose favour it was feigned to be written He accordingly one morning arrived on horseback at the garrison two hours at least before Trunnion used to get up and gave Pipes who admitted him to understand that he had a letter from his master which he was ordered to deliver to none but the Commodore himself This message was no sooner communicated than the indignant chief who had been waked for the purpose began to curse the messenger for breaking his rest and swore he would not budge till his usual time of turning out This resolution being conveyed to the stranger he desired the carrier to go back and tell him he had such joyful tidings to impart that he was sure the Commodore would think himself amply rewarded for his trouble even if he had been raised from the grave to receive them This assurance, flattering as it was would not have been powerful enough to persuade him had it not been assisted with the exhortations of his spouse which never failed to influence his conduct He therefore crept out of bed though not without great repugnance and rubbing himself in his morning gown was supported downstairs rubbing his eye yawning fearfully and grumbling in the way As soon as he popped his head into the parlour the supposed stranger made divers awkward bows and with a grinning aspect accosted him in these words Your most humble servant most noble Commodore I hope you are in good health you look pure and hearty and if it was not for that misfortune of your eye one would not desire to see a more pleasant countenance in a summer's day Sure as I am a living soul I would not take you to be on this side of three score Lord help us I should have known you to be a trunnion if I had met with one in the midst of Salisbury Plain as the saying is The Commodore who was not at all in the humour of relishing such an impertinent preamble interrupted him in this place saying with a peevish accent Sure brother there's no occasion to bouse out so much unnecessary gun if you can't bring your discos to bear on the right subject you would much better clap a stopper on your tongue and bring yourself up do you see I was told you had something to deliver Deliver cried the waggish imposter odds heart I have got something for you that will make your very entrails within your body here's a letter from a dear and worthy friend of yours take, read it and be happy blessings on his old heart one would think he had renewed his age like the eagles trunnion's expectation being thus raised he called his spectacles adjusted them to his eye took the letter and being curious to know the subscription no sooner perceived his uncle's name and he started back his lip quivered and he began to shake in every limb with resentment and surprise eager to know the subject of an epistle from a person who had never before troubled him with any sort of address he endeavoured to recollect himself and perused the contents which were these loving nephew I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to hear of my welfare you may considering what a kind uncle I have been to you in the days of your youth and how little you deserved any such thing for you was always a graceless young man given to wicked courses and bad company whereby you would have come to a shameful end had it not been for my care in sending you out of mischief's way but this is not the cause of my present writing the bearer Mr. Timothy trickle is a distant relation of yours being the son of the cousin of your aunt Marjorie and is not over and above well as to worldly matters he thinks of going to London to see for some post in the excise or customs if so be that you will recommend him to some great man of your acquaintance and give him a small matter to keep him till he is provided I doubt not nephew but you will be glad to serve him if it was no more but for the respect you bear to me who I am loving nephew your affectionate uncle and servant to command Tobiah Trunnion it would be a difficult task for the inimitable Hogarth himself to exhibit the ludicrous expression of the Commodore's countenance while he read this letter it was not a stare of astonishment a convulsion of rage or a ghastly grin of revenge but an association of all three that took possession of his features at length he hawked up with incredible straining the interjection that seemed to have stuck some time in his windpipe and thus gave vent to his indignation have I come alongside of you at last you old stinking curmudgeon why you lousy hulk you lie you did all in your power to founder me when I was a stripling and as for being graceless and wicked and keeping bad company you tell a damned lie again you thief there was not a more peaceable lad in the county and I kept no bad company but your own you see therefore you trickle or what's your name tell the old rascal that sent you hither that I miss and call him horse but I tear his letter into rags so and I trample upon it as I would upon his own villainous carcass you see so saying he danced in a sort of frenzy upon the fragments of the paper which he had scattered about the room to the inexpressible satisfaction of the triumvirate who beheld the scene the excisement having got between him and the door which was left open for his escape in case of necessity affected great confusion and surprise at his behaviour saying with an air of mortification Lord be merciful unto me is this the way you treat your own relations and the recommendation of your best friend surely old gratitude and virtue has left this sinful world what will cousin Tim and Dick and Tom and good mother Pepkin and their daughters cousin Sue and Peru and Pag with all the rest of our kin folks say when they hear of this unconscionable reception that I have met with consider sir that ingratitude is worse than the sin of witchcraft as the apostle wisely observes and do not send me away with such un-christian usage which will lay a heavy load of guilt upon your poor miserable soul what you are on a cruise brother trickle ain't you said trunnion interrupting him we shall find a post for you in a trice my boy here pipes take this saucy son of a bitch and help him to the whipping post in the yard I'll teach you to rouse me in the morning with such impertinent messages pipes who wanted to carry the joke farther than the excise man dreamt of laid hold of him in a twinkling and executed the shoulders of his commander not withstanding all his nods winking and significant gestures which the bosons made would by no means understand so that he began to repent of the part he acted in this performance which was like to end so tragically and stood fastened to the stake in a very disagreeable state of suspense casting many a rueful look over his left shoulder while pipes was absent in quest of a cat and nine tails in expectation of being relieved by the interposition of the lieutenant who did not however appear Tom returning with the instrument of correction undressed the delinquent in a trice and whispering in his ear that he was very sorry for being employed in such an office but Durst not for his soul disobey the orders of his commander flourished the scourge about his head and with admirable dexterity made such a smarting application to the offender's back and shoulders that the distracted gager performed sundry new cuts with his feet and bellowed hideously with pain to the infinite satisfaction of the spectators at length when he was almost flayed from his rump to the nape of his neck Hatchway who had purposely absented himself hitherto in the yard and interposing in his behalf prevailed upon Chunyan to call off the executioner and ordered the malefactor to be released the excise man mad with the catastrophe he had undergone threatened to be revenged upon his employers by making a candid confession of the whole plot but the lieutenant giving him to understand that in so doing he would bring upon himself the execution for fraud forgery and imposture he was feigned to put up with his loss and sneaked out of the garrison attended with a volley of curses discharged upon him by the Commodore who was exceedingly irritated by the disturbance and disappointment he had undergone End of Chapter 14 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 15 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 15 The Commodore detects the machinations of the conspirators and hires a tutor for Peregrine whom he settles in Winchester School This was not the least affliction he had suffered from the unwirried endeavors and unexhausted invention of his tormentors who harassed him with such a variety of mischievous pranks that he began to think all the devils in hell had conspired against his peace and accordingly became very serious and contemplative on the subject In the course of his meditations when he recollected and compared the circumstances of every mortification to which he had been lately exposed he could not help suspecting that some of them must have been contrived to vex him and as he was not ignorant of his lieutenant's disposition nor unacquainted with the talents of Peregrine he resolved to observe them both for the future with the utmost care and circumspection This resolution aided by the incautious conduct of the conspirators whom by this time success had rendered heedless and indiscreet was attended with the desired effect He in a little time detected Pere in a new plot and by dint of a little chastisement and a great many threats extorted from him a confession of all the contrivances in which he had been concerned The Commodore was thunderstruck at the discovery and so much incensed against Hatchway for the part he had acted in the whole that he deliberated with himself whether he should demand satisfaction with sword and pistol or dismiss him from the garrison and renounce all friendship with him at once but he had been so long accustomed to Jack's company that he could not live without him and upon more cool reflection perceiving that what he had done was rather the effect of wantonness than malice which he himself would have laughed to see take place upon any other person he determined to devour his chagrin and extended his forgiveness even to pipes whom in the first sally of his passion he had looked upon in a more criminal light than that of a simple mutineer this determination was seconded by another which he thought absolutely necessary for his own repose and in which his own interest and that of his nephew concurred Peregrine who was now turned of 12 had made such advances under the instruction of Jennings that he had often disputed upon grammar and was sometimes thought to have the better in his contests with the parish priest who not withstanding this acknowledged superiority of his antagonist did great justice to his genius which he assured Mr. Trunnion would be lost for want of cultivation if the boy was not immediately sent to prosecute his studies at some proper seminary of learning this maxim had been more than once inculcated upon the Commodore by Mistress Trunnion who over and above the deference she paid to the Parsons opinion had a reason of her own for wishing to see the house clear of Peregrine at whose prying disposition she began to be very uneasy induced by these motifs which were joined by the solicitation of the youth himself who ardently longed to see a little more of the world his uncle determined to send him forthwith to Winchester under the immediate care and inspection of a governor to whom he allowed a very handsome appointment for that purpose this gentleman whose name was Mr. Jacob Jolter had been school fellow with the parson of the parish who recommended him to Mr. Trunnion as a person of great worth and learning in every respect qualified for the office of a tutor he likewise added by way of eulogium that he was a man of exemplary piety and particularly zealous for the honour of the church of which he was a member having been many years in holy orders though he did not then exercise any function of the priesthood indeed Mr. Jolter's zeal was so exceedingly fervent as on some occasions to get the better of his discretion for being a high churchman and of consequence a malcontent his resentment was habituated into an insurmountable prejudice against the present disposition of affairs which by confounding the nation with the ministry sometimes led him into erroneous not to say absurd calculations otherwise a man of good morals well versed in mathematics and school divinity studies which had not at all contributed to sweeten and unbend the natural soundness and severity of his complexion this gentleman being destined to the charge of superintending Perry's education everything was prepared for their departure and Tom Pipes in consequence of his own petition put into livery and appointed footman to the young squire but before they set out the Commodore paid the compliment of communicating his design to Mr. Pickle who approved of the plan to see the boy so much as he intimidated by the remonstrances of his wife whose aversion to her first born became every day more inveterate and unaccountable this unnatural caprice seemed to be supported by a consideration which one would imagine might have rather vanquished her disgust her second son Gam who was now in the fourth year of his age had been rickety from the cradle and is unremarkably promising in appearance as Perry was agreeable in his person as the deformity increased the mother's fondness was augmented and the virulence of her hate against the other son seemed to prevail in the same proportion far from allowing Perry to enjoy the common privileges of a child she would not suffer him to approach his father's house expressed uneasiness whenever his name happened to be mentioned sickened at his praise and in all respects behaved like a most rancorous stepmother though she no longer retained that ridiculous notion of his being an imposter she still continued to abhor him as if she really believed him to be such and when any person desired to know the cause of her surprising dislike she always lost her temper and previously replied that she had reasons of her own which she was not obliged to declare nay so much was she affected by this vicious partiality that she broke off all commerce with her sister-in-law and the Commodore because they favoured the poor child with their countenance and protection her malice however was frustrated by the love and generosity of Trunnion who having adopted him as his own son equipped him accordingly and carried him and his governor in his own coach to the place of destination where they were settled on a very gentile footing and everything regulated according to their desires mistress Trunnion behaved with great decency at the departure of her nephew to whom with a great many pious advices and injunctions to behave with submission and reverence towards his tutor she presented a diamond ring of small value and a gold medal as tokens of her affection and esteem as for the lieutenant he accompanied them in the coach and such was the friendship he had contracted for Perry that when the Commodore proposed to return after having accomplished the intent of his journey Jack absolutely refused to attend him and signified his resolution to stay where he was Trunnion was the more startled at this declaration as Hatchway was become so necessary to him in almost all the purposes of his life that he foresaw that he should not be able to exist without his company not a little affected with this consideration he turned his eye roofily upon the lieutenant saying in a piteous tone what leave me at last Jack after we have weathered so many hard gales together damn my limbs I thought you had been more of an honest heart I looked upon you as my foremost and Tom Pipes as my mism now he is carried away if so be as you go too my standing rigging being decayed you see the first squall will bring me by the board damn ye if in case I have given offence can't you speak above board Jack being ashamed to own the true situation of his thoughts after some hesitation answered with perplexity and incoherence now damn me that ain't the case neither to be sure you always used me in an officer like manner that I must own to give the devil his due as the saying is but for all that this here is the case I have some thoughts for myself to learn your Latin lingo for as the saying is better late man than never and I am informed as how one can get more for the money here than anywhere else in vain did Trunnion endeavor to convince him of the folly of going to school at his years by representing that the boys would make game of him and that he would become a laughing stock to all the world he persisted in his resolution to stay and the Commodore was feigned to have recourse to the mediation of Pipes and Perry who employed their influence with Jack and at last prevailed upon him to return to the garrison after Trunnion had promised he should be at liberty to visit them once a month this stipulation being settled he and his friend took leave of the pupil, governor and attendant and next morning set out for their habitation which they reached in safety that same night such was Hatchway's reluctance to leave Peregrine that he is said for the first time in his life to have looked misty at parting certain I am that on the road homewards after a long pause of silence in which the Commodore never dreamt of interrupting he exclaimed all of a sudden I'll be damned if the dog-hunt given me some stuff to make me love him indeed there was something congenial in the disposition of these two friends which never failed to manifest itself in the sequel how so ever different their education circumstances and connections happened to be End of Chapter 15 Recording by Martin Geithon in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 16 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geithon the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 16 Peregrine distinguishes himself among his school fellows exposes his tutor and attracts the particular notice of the master thus left to the prosecution of his studies Peregrine was in a little time a distinguished character not only for his acuteness of apprehension but also for that mischievous fertility of fancy of which we have already given such pregnant examples but as there was a great number of such luminaries in this new sphere to which he belonged his talents were not so conspicuous while they shone in his single capacity as they afterwards appeared when they concentrated and reflected the rays of the whole constellation at first he confined himself to piddling game exercising his genius upon his own tutor who attracted his attention by endeavouring to season his mind with certain political maxims the fallacy of which he had discernment enough to perceive scarce a day passed in which he did not find means to render Mr. Jolter the object of ridicule his violent prejudices ludicrous vanity awkward solemnity and ignorance of mankind afforded continual food for the railery, petulance and satire of his pupil who never neglected an opportunity of laughing and making others laugh at his expense sometimes in their parties by mixing brandy in his wine he decoyed this pedagogue into a debauch during which his caution foresook him and he exposed himself to the censure of the company sometimes when the conversation turned upon intricate subjects he practised upon him the Socratic method of computation and under pretence of being informed by an artful train of puzzling questions insensibly betrayed him into self-contradiction all the remains of authority which he had hitherto preserved over Peregrine soon vanished so that for the future no sort of ceremony subsisted between them and all Mr. Jolter's precepts were conveyed in hints of friendly advice which the other might either follow or neglect at his own pleasure no wonder then that Peregrine gave a loose to his inclinations and by dint of genius and an enterprising temper made a figure among the younger class of heroes in the school Before he had been a full year at Winchester he had signalised himself in so many achievements in defiance to the laws and regulations of the place that he was looked upon without miration and actually chosen ducks or leader by a large body of his contemporaries It was not long before his fame reached the ears of the master who sent for Mr. Jolter communicated to him the information he had received and desired him to check the vivacity of his charge and redouble his vigilance in time to come else he should be obliged to make a public example of his pupil for the benefit of the school The governor conscious of his own unimportance was not a little disconcerted at this injunction which it was not in his power to fulfil by any compulsive means he therefore went home in a very pensive mood and after mature deliberation resolved to expostulate with Peregrine in the most familiar terms and endeavour to dissuade him from practices which might affect his character as well as interest He accordingly frankly told him the subject of the master's discourse represented the disgrace he might incur by neglecting this warning and put him in mind of his own situation hinted the consequences of the Commodore's displeasure in case he should be brought to disapprove of his conduct These insinuations made the greater impression as they were delivered with many expressions of friendship and concern The young gentleman was not so raw but that he could perceive the solidity of Mr. Jolter's advice to conform because his pride was interested in the affair and he considered his own reformation as the only means of avoiding that infamy which even in idea he could not bear His governor finding him so reasonable profited by these moments of reflection and in order to prevent a relapse proposed that he should engage in some delightful study that would agreeably amuse his imagination and gradually detach him from those connections which had involved him in so many troublesome adventures For this purpose he with many rapturous incomiums recommended the mathematics as yielding more rational and sensible pleasures to a youthful fancy than any other subject of contemplation and actually began to read Euclid with him that same afternoon Peregrine entered upon this branch of learning with all that warmth and justification which boys commonly yield on the first change of study but he had scarce advance beyond the Ponsassinorum when his ardour abated The test of truth by demonstration did not elevate him to those transports of joy with which his preceptor had regaled his expectation and before he arrived at the 47th proposition he began to yawn drearily make abundance of rye faces and thought himself but indifferently paid for his attention when he shared the vast discovery of Pythagoras and understood that the square of the hypotenuse was equal to the squares of the other two sides of a right-angled triangle he was ashamed however to fail in his undertaking and persevered with great industry until he had finished the first four books acquired plain trigonometry with the method of algebraical calculation and made himself well acquainted with the principles of surveying but no consideration could prevail upon him to extend his enquiries farther in this science and he returned with double relish to his former applications like a stream which being damned accumulates more force and bursting over its mounds rushes down with double impetuosity Mr. Jolter saw with astonishment and chagrin but could not resist the torrent his behaviour was now no other than a series of license and effrontery prank succeeded prank and outrage followed outrage with surprising velocity complaints were every day preferred against him in vain were admonitions bestowed by the governor in private and menaces discharged by the masters in public he disregarded the first despised the latter divested himself of all manner of restraint and proceeded in his career to such a pitch of audacity that the consultation was held upon the subject in which it was determined that this untoward spirit should be humbled by a severe and ignominious flogging for the very next offence he should commit in the meantime Mr. Jolter was desired to write in the masters name to the Commodore requesting him to remove Tom Pipes from the person of his nephew the said Pipes being a principal actor and a better in all his malversations and to put a stop to the monthly visitations of the mutilated lieutenant who had never once failed to use his permission but came punctual to a day always fraught with some new invention indeed by this time Mr. Hatchway was as well known and much better beloved by every boy in the school than the master who instructed him and always received by a number of scholars who used to attend Peregrine when he went forth to meet his friend and conduct him to his lodging with public testimonies of joy and applause as for Tom Pipes he was not so properly the attendant of Peregrine as master of rebels of the whole school he mingled in all their parties and superintended the diversions deciding between boy and boy as if he acted by commission under the great seal he regulated their motions by his whistle instructed the young boys in the games of hustle cap, leap frog and chuck farthing imparted to those of a more advanced age the sciences of cribbage and all fours together with the method of storming the castle acting the comedy of Prince Arthur and other pantomimes as they commonly exhibited at sea and instructed the seniors who were distinguished by the appellation of bloods in cudgel playing dancing the St. George's horn pipe drinking flip and smoking tobacco these qualifications had rendered him so necessary and acceptable to the scholars that exclusive of Perry's concern in the affair his dismission in all probability would have produced some dangerous convulsion in the community Jolte therefore knowing his importance informed his people of the directions he had received and very candidly asked how he should demean himself in the execution for he durst not write to the Commodore without this previous notice fearing that the young gentleman as soon as he should get an inkling of the affair would follow the example and make his uncle acquainted with certain anecdotes which it was the governor's interest who concealed Peregrine was of opinion that he should spare himself the trouble of conveying any complaints to the Commodore and if questioned by the master assure him he had complied with his desire at the same time he promised faithfully to conduct himself with such circumspection for the future that the masters should have no temptation to revive the inquiry but the resolution attending this extorted promise failed to last and in less than a fortnight a young hero found himself entangled in an adventure from which he was not extricated with his usual good fortune end of chapter 16 recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey