 The narcissist needs a savior. The narcissist needs someone to save them from danger or difficulty. They need someone to rescue them and this is what attracted them to you. You wanted to save them. You wanted to provide them with help and support. You wanted to make it easier or possible for them to do something by providing them with your services or resources. I believe that many of us who got involved with these narcissists have what is known as a savior complex. We felt compelled to save other people and narcissists tend to have a reverse savior complex. They play the victim role and may often appear helpless and oppressed and this is what creates the attraction between you and the narcissist. They are looking for someone to save them and you are looking for a project that you can fix. These types of relationships can be very toxic. You may feel as though you are their parent rather than their partner but it is not your responsibility to save anyone and it can be very uncomfortable and emotionally draining when the narcissist forces you into the savior role especially since they are not giving you the same amount of support. It's stressful to constantly be around all of that negativity. You are not their therapist and you have no obligation to heal or fix them. When you have a partner you should be willing to offer them as much support as you're asking them to give to you. There needs to be a balance but as we know relationships with narcissists are very unbalanced. They expect you to do everything for them while minimizing your efforts and demanded that you do more. When you have this savior complex you have this desire to help people in any way that you can. You will listen to all of their problems you will try to understand them. You will try to make them feel better about themselves. In some situations you may even offer them a place to live. You may give them money or you might help them find a job. You want to help people. You want to improve people's lives. You believe that if you can fix them then everything will be okay but this can become very dangerous if the person that you are trying to save is a narcissist. When we have a savior complex we often feel this need to save people and while there is nothing wrong with helping people it can become a problem when we define our worth by what we can do for others. This can even make you a magnet to narcissists because narcissists are always looking for someone to save them. They are looking for someone to use and exploit. They will tell you about some problems or difficulties that they are going through or they will share some stories from their past or they believe that they were victimized which then makes you feel bad for them. It makes you want to help them. They always have some type of problem that they need help with. They always have something that they need you to fix and when they tell you about it, it makes you want to make everything okay for them. You might spend hours of your time listening to their problems and giving them emotional support. You might try to fix their issues by giving them a place to stay, giving them money, driving them wherever they need to go and this might provide you with a sense of worth. It might make you feel useful but because you're so focused on fixing their problems you don't notice all the red flags when the narcissist is around a savior. They will do whatever it takes to make the situation develop in their favor. They will continue playing the victim role as they gradually drain you of your time, energy and resources. It starts off with you spending a lot of time listening to them until you're then giving them money, a place to stay, doing favors for them. It becomes a very chaotic environment where the narcissist is constantly making demands. There is always something that needs to be fixed and you're just doing more without realizing you enable the narcissist to continue their behavior and once they have been doing this for a certain amount of time it can be very difficult to get them to stop. The narcissist is an ongoing project that will never end. No matter how much you do, no matter how much money, no matter how many opportunities you provide, no matter how much of your time and energy you give to them, it will never be enough. You will just keep doing more and more until you gradually exhaust yourself. You will gradually lose your physical and mental health. You will lose your time and money and you may begin to feel shame once you realize that you've been taken advantage of. You feel like you've been tricked and deceived. You may begin to isolate yourself. You may be too afraid to ask for help. You may find yourself returning to dangerous situations, involved in activity that is unlawful or morally wrong. You may lose a lot of money and find yourself in difficult financial situations but the narcissist is self-absorbed and lacks empathy. They lack awareness of the harm they cause to you. They feel entitled to privileges and special treatment. They believe that you owe them something so they will drain you of your time, energy and resources because they don't care about the harm they cause to you. They don't care about how it affects you and they feel entitled to what they are receiving from you. They believe that they are inherently deserving of unlimited amounts of your time, energy and money. As their saviour, you may believe that you can take them out of the victim role by fixing all of their problems but this victim mentality is their identity. It's who they are. There is nothing that you or anyone else can do to shift their identity. There is nothing that anyone can do to fill that void. It is their responsibility to do the work and make it right. There is nothing wrong with wanting to save people. There is nothing wrong with wanting to provide people with help or support but you should always do it in a way where you are able to protect yourself from danger or harm. You should always set limits on how much of your time, energy and resources you give to people and you should ensure that it is reciprocal. You should ensure that you are getting something back in return. When you are helping or supporting a narcissist they will not express consistent gratitude. They might say thanks sometimes but you can tell that it's not really genuine. It's just to keep you meeting their demands no matter how much you do for them. They will never appreciate you. You could spend years of your life getting yourself into debt doing everything you can to please them but as soon as you set a boundary as soon as you say no more they will see it as though you never did anything for them and then they will discard you. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries you can email me at narcovercoaching.com. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.