 Oh, hope everyone can hear me okay. I hope everyone can see me all right. How is everybody doing today? Yes, it is Tuesday. And this week's episode had dropped yesterday with guest Tao Ben-Shahar of the Happiness Studies. Yes, that's right. All right, so guys, I wasn't sure if I was gonna come on live today because I wasn't sure what I wanted to discuss. However, we will talk a little bit about the Ben or the Tao Ben-Shahar interview. These I can lay out some points with that, which is his work in happiness research, which is incredibly important to what we do at the Art of Charm, and also positive psychology, which is an interesting field in itself. So we'll discuss that today. And then perhaps we'll get to the Grammys. I figured it was something to talk about. However, it's things like this, any time that mainstream culture is celebrating whatever it is they're celebrating, where I look at it and completely just baffled. And I'm not the only one. I think, I mean, when I talk to other people, they are baffled as well. I mean, we are in the evolution of idiocracy. And I will get to that in a bit. But anyway, the interview with Tao Ben-Shahar dropped yesterday, it was great. So in his latest book, it was tells from his barber. And his book are little stories that his barber tells him over the last decade of going to him that he has documented and put into a book, like a coffee table book. All the little stories are very easy to read. And they go by really quickly and they each have a lesson. And what I enjoyed about the book as even at the beginning of it, Tao mentions to don't read it in one sitting, read one story, ponder it, engage with it, see how it fits into your life, what are your experience with it? Take some insights from it and move on. And I found that refreshing because I have to read books for AOC all the time. I'm usually reading one or two a week as I plow through for interviews. And as much as I enjoy that, I like reading. That's why one of the reasons I created this job was, I like reading leisurely where I get to take my time, where I get to wrestle with ideas and think about them and really engage with the material. And I don't get to do that anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm just choking a book down in order to get the interview over with and make sure that I have enough material and that I'm prepared enough for it. And so sometimes I'm a little bit upset that I don't get to sit with some of the ideas in the book and really think about them before I move on to the next thing. But his book, it's small, but it's glorious in the fact that the stories are very easy to read and that he acknowledges that. And what's funny about that is he talks about wrestling with these ideas and engaging with the material. And one of the things I've always taken myself to task on is that I wouldn't say that I'm a very fluid learner. In fact, I find learning is, it's difficult. And I thought maybe that other people were more fluid learners that I was in the idea that they would read something, think about it, then apply it to their lives. Where I see myself as wrestling with an idea, being skeptical, fighting with it, looking for reasons why it won't work, trying to find fault in it. And then if I get to a place where I enjoy the idea, then looking to implement it, have a lot of trouble with it. And over time, I will be victorious with learning about the idea and then implementing that idea and then being able to then teach it to others. But the older I get and the more people that I speak to about their learning process, the more that I see that I'm not the only one who fights while learning, who's very engaged in that material. And it's a lot of people learn the way I do. I think some people are a little bit more methodical. Maybe they have a better field of studies discipline that allow them to learn better. Like, for instance, I would think somebody with a science background and understands the scientific method and who's been trained in it would learn much easier, could take a piece of material and go through it in a much easier fashion than I could. At least it appears that way from the outside looking in, right? If I observe somebody else, specifically AJ, I've been working with him with the art of charm for 15 years and I see him, he's very methodical, at least to me in the way he goes through things. And in fact, he'll even note about my frustrations in the way that I learn. So I think it's a little bit easier for some people, but I think learning, if you're serious about it, it will be a tug of war. It will be a fight. You will get engaged with the material and wrestle with it and while you can assume it. In fact, that's part of the learning process. If you're implementing something new, that means that you had to shut down older ideas that weren't beneficial, that weren't serving you very well, and then replacing it with a newer idea that you're unfamiliar with as you work to get comfortable with that idea. And I think I bring this up because, well, Tal talks about, he talks about it in his book, but it seems to me that part of happiness is the never-ending process of consuming new material, learning, working through it, and implementing it to the part where you understand it well enough to teach it. That is going to be the process and it goes with exercise. It goes with diet where things that you implement are challenging, but there is a lot of joy after the fact of you being able to be victorious over that. And I think that's very important and you should never lose sight of that because that's going to be very important as you get older. In my family growing up, my dad wasn't a big reader. He'd watch the news and we all know what that is like now. And I'm sure he found in his own way to be able to continue learning as he had gotten older, but it wasn't such a direct result as learning for the sake of learning. I think for him, it was learning as he got into a new career later in life and he got involved in technology. So there's always things to learn there. But I think he also had a, while he raised my sister and I, rather learning on the fly of being a parent, which I'm certainly not going through that right now, nor do I have any fascination or want or desire to do that. So, for myself, I have to fling myself into learning as a way to stay young because I'm not doing it just through life in itself. As 47 years old, my dad married, already going through a divorce, new family. So he was doing plenty of learning on his own as well. So guys, if you are just popping in, give me a thumbs up, hit the like button that helps others find the show. As for some of you guys know, I go live every Tuesday, 8.30 Pacific time. If you could hear me all right, see me all right, throw it in the comments, in the chat, let me know, that would help. And we are doing a bunch of new things on this channel. If you guys follow it, you know that I'm redoing thumbnails. I had been doing the SEO in the videos, optimizing that. We've brought in a team to help us with this channel and I am very excited. One of the reasons that I go live every Tuesday is to practice talking in front of the camera. The 30 minute monologue that I do every Tuesday, though like today right now, I got three y'all watching and I appreciate that and thank you very much. It is an opportunity to be on the fly of talking and going through ideas while looking in the camera because that is not such an easy thing to do. I don't know how many of you guys have to do that or have tried to do that. I've been doing it for the last year off and on. I really enjoy it. The whole streaming thing caught my attention because the kids will be on, they'll do eight hour, nine hour streams and kids will watch. I find it fascinating. So to come on for an half an hour, talk to you guys, lay out some ideas and also talk about some topical items has always been. I really enjoy it. This gives me an opportunity to practice those chops and I look forward to it. So yes, that's why I'm doing it. Now with Talben Shahar episode, it dropped on Tuesday, check it out. He's a positive psychology therapist and I believe the, and researcher, he dropped a lot of information on all the little things that you can do to squeeze out a little more happiness in your daily life. Learning is going to be one of those things, but we had a lot of fun and I was laughing because he's a happiness researcher and he always gets asked if he's happy all the time. And of course, the reality of that is no, and just because you know something doesn't mean that you can beat out your own human programming in order to do what's right. That's the battle that we all face. That is the Sisyphean task that all of us have every day that no matter what is going on around us, that we live into our values and we wake up and we push that rock up that hill and us who have better tools and tactics to be able to handle life stressors to do that will be victorious. And there's those of us who the daily aggravation of life will eventually get too much and beat us down. So for Tal, he gets asked if he's happy all the time and we were laughing. No, of course not. We're too emotional of a species to be able to regulate our emotions to that degree and just own them to where we are in control of them at all times. So I was laughing about that because as the art of charm, that branding has a lot of people thinking that I'm supposed to be a charming person all the time. Well, that's not going to happen and sometimes charming people have to set boundaries. Sometimes charming people have to say no and for other people who want something to hear no, that's not a very charming thing for them but I got news for them too damn bad because the idea of the art of charm was certainly that aspect of socialization, persuasion and influence but also understanding the human condition or human mechanisms and to be able to act in a high value manner despite of being a human being and that's incredibly important. There's a lot of people who get these ideas confused and well, that's what's fun about it. So anyway, I really enjoyed the Tal Ben Shahar interview. He discussed in it all these different things that you can do to maximize your happiness. In fact, we talked about quantitizing a lot of aspects in your day to see just where you are. We also discussed having a morning ritual that allows you to enjoy waking up and set yourself up so that you will be productive for the rest of the day and there is lots of things that you can do first thing in the morning to maximize that happiness. Certainly for myself, I buy great coffee and I work out and I play a podcast, usually Scott Adams in the morning to hear the news that's going on and that exercise flushes out the bad chemicals, shakes off the rust from sleep and starts producing the right chemicals where after a cup of coffee and exercise and digesting a bit of the news with Scott Adams positive spin, I'm pretty excited about starting the day and for myself that's incredibly important. And I can tell you when I got into self-development, one of the earliest ideas that turned me on to self-development was that I was responsible for my own happiness and that the idea of chasing it around was useless and no one told me that before and once, and though I might have heard it in my life but as I was getting into my later 20s, perhaps I forgot about it or perhaps the chasing of a musical career had led me to the point where I wasn't happy but hearing that I was responsible for my own happiness stopped me in my tracks and had me start looking at my daily routines and life to see what the results were from my decisions and actions every day. And once I realized that a lot of those decisions and a lot of those actions were not leading me to a place to be happy, well then I had to start changing them. That is one of those quotes or ideas that once it gets set into your brain, it starts to affect everything else. I mean, how I was going to bed, the how I was behaving in all my relationships, how I was behaving in my own life, my own day-to-day tasks, how I was showing up for my job, everything became a choice of how I was going to do it because it had a direct effect on my happiness. And once I started to take responsibility for those decisions, I began changing them and my happiness quotient started to rise. And as I tell everyone, when you get involved in self-development, every day becomes better than the last. Why? Because you're able to make decisions that affect your life in a more meaningful manner. And that's what's so fun about it. So for all of you, I would check out the Tau Ben Johar episode, we dropped it on Thursday, or I'm sorry, we dropped it Monday on iTunes and it will be dropped here on the YouTube channel Thursday. There'll be a clip posted tomorrow. But that'll be here, dropped on Thursday. Check it out, talks a lot of great things that you can do to draw up your happiness quotient and I highly suggest it. Now, here's where I get myself in trouble. This is my, maybe some of you guys even showed up because you wanted to hear me rant. I don't like ranting about mainstream culture very much because I've dropped out of it a very long time ago and I just don't understand it. I've been lost, I was lost in it in my 20s. It went into a direction that, you know, in fact, maybe it was even in my teenage years. It had went off into a direction that I've just, it wasn't, I couldn't connect with it. So what do I do if I can't connect with something? If I'm not interested in it, its values are not anything that I'm interesting and I leave it alone and I don't bother with it. Now, I have to go on to Facebook every once in a while and see what my friends are discussing or what people, you know, on Facebook, you're friends with high school friends and family friends and I'm 47 years old. I've lived in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, New York City, Los Angeles and now Vegas. So I have friends from many different walks of life from many different areas. And so I consider Facebook where the normies hang out, right? It's a general consensus of people from all over the planet that I have gathered over 47 years and they're all on Facebook and I see what they are posting about. And that's where I get to encounter what's going on in the mainstream. What people, what mainstream movies, Netflix, people are watching Hulu series, what movies are out. I don't, I do not participate in any of this stuff. If you guys watch the show, you know, I consider all of it junk food media. It's just mindless and sippid, empty, calorie. It's just of no interest in me. I don't, there's no nutritional value in it. You know, it's just passive entertainment. That is, a lot of it's just triggered by sex to make you feel something and buy something. It's all materialism. I just spent 20 minutes discussing happiness and learning so you can imagine how I feel about mainstream culture. Anyway, I'm checked out. I don't know what's going on. And this is, I guess you could call it an old man rant. So I guess the Grammy's were the other night. And I have to see this stuff. And I've been checked out for so long. Yeah, I know what Cardi B's new song is. I know who Cardi B is only because I go on Facebook every couple of days and see what everyone's talking about. And I realize I stick my head out of the ground to see what people are up to. And then I go back to my routines. Well, I gotta say, I was not shocked, but just I was speechless at what I had seen as what Grammys were and I guess Cardi and her song, Wop, whatever. I don't wanna be Ben Shapiro getting meamed because he read the lyrics of that song. As I said, I'm detached from mainstream culture. I don't follow it, but every once in a while I stick my head up and I was utterly shocked at what I had to watch. It was just a quick clip. I guess my point of it all is, I'm just, every once in a while you gotta see what is going on, but I personally don't know anyone who is interested in this. Mita Adams says, why do angry when happiness topic is energy is toxic for this type of topic? I'm not quite sure your comment. Why do you get angry when having this topic as energy for, I'm missing that comment. I don't understand what that one is. Perhaps there's some words missing. Oh, I seem angry. That's funny. I just been talking about learning and happiness for the last 20 minutes. So I don't feel angry, but I definitely is in sense the right word where I'm like a heightened emotionally over the, just sticking my head out of the ground and seeing what is going on in mainstream culture has me, I guess disturbed. I'm just, as I said, I'm so checked out of the whole thing that I don't, I don't get it. And Facebook is the only place that I do get to see every once in a while what's going on, and I'm never disappointed in my decisions to have dropped out as to me, there's no benefit and being involved, there's no benefit in it. It's in sipping, you're not gaining anything. So I wouldn't say I'm angry. So my vibration has some intensity. Each then has its own space. Maybe then dropping out is an avoidant technique. Awesome, let's talk about that. My dropping out of mainstream culture is an avoidant technique. Yes, it is avoidant, avoidant of the dentist drill that would be going into the side of my head to have to sit through something that just doesn't connect with me. It's just, it's, there's nothing there. Mindset comeback, greetings from Finland. Yes, my friend, where at Helsinki? Do you, oh, it's a good question, 7A. Do you think not being involved makes it harder to relate to the average person? Yes, 100% and that's okay. I don't want to be, listen, you have to, so let's get back to happiness. Yes, Helsinki, I really want to go to Finland because a lot of, I have a lot of favorite rock and roll bands from Finland. You guys are rock and roll and metal fucking capital of the world. Yes, I'm a Hanoi Rocks fan too, if you couldn't tell. All right, so anyway, so let's get to that. You have to be able to understand what your values are and live through them on a daily basis to maximize your happiness. The values that I contribute to that culture are not the values that I'm interested in. Here's my values, humor, not in mainstream culture anymore. Learning, ceaseless learning, not in mainstream culture anymore. Mindfulness, not in mainstream culture anymore. I mean, my core values, oh, and then health, eating, sleeping, and exercise. These are not mainstream topics. These are values that are my core values that I have to engage in on a daily basis. When you put yourself in an environment where those values are being ignored, I become influenced to go the other direction or I have to fight that influence. I'd rather not waste my energy fighting those influences that I know are going to lead me to a place that I don't want to be. And I will tell you this, I've been there. I'm a rock and roller. I had, I started building this company in my early 30s, but through all of my 20s, I spent it on the road, playing in rock and roll bands, living that lifestyle. You could imagine what a decade of that had done. Let's see here. You have to excuse me, I don't have my glasses on. So control the content and we consume, curate your content and embrace mainstream to know how to navigate the vision we want to create. You are a creator, so the destiny is yours. Yes, 100%. You have to be able to curate your own experience in life because without that, you are allowing yourself to be pushed in so many different directions that the paradox of choice alone will put enough anxiety on your own life to bring down your happiness quotient. 100%. Mindset comeback out of Finland says, what is my opinion on stoicism? I love it. It's amazing. In fact, stoicism is the roots of CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy or emotional response therapy. That idea is from the Greeks. It's stoicism. It's mindfulness practice. It's the ability to be able to look at your stream of consciousness from an objective place and watch the thoughts go by without becoming emotionally tied to them. And the act of mindfulness is one of diffusion. It has the goal of diffusion, of diffusing your thoughts from your emotions. When you decouple them, it gives you an opportunity to examine your thoughts so that you don't act impulsively. As human beings, if we are subject to our emotions, we are gonna find ourselves in a very, we're gonna find ourselves in a difficult situation to get out of. The ability to navigate those thoughts and emotions gives us a chance to be able to create something to be human beings outside of being a slave to our emotions. All right, so thank you guys for the questions. What's your opinion on the wisdom of the crowd? Are you referring to herd mentality, my friend? And if you are, this is exactly why I have, I don't go along with mainstream culture. I am not interested in what the herd is doing. I'm not interested in what makes the herd happy. I have my own decisions to make. And unfortunately that makes me an outcast or an outsider. Anytime that you start making decisions for yourself and for your own happiness, for through your own values, it puts you on a separate path from the herd. And it makes things a bit difficult because you have a sense of feeling safe when you live in the herd. When you're outside of it, you run the risk of feeling alienated. However, all you need is a few good friends who are tied to those same values that you are and you'll never feel alone. In fact, the friendships, the connections and the relationships that you have will be better off for you, be more productive. Do you think it applies to Southern culture? Popular culture, yes. I think I just answered that question. Thank you, Stefan. Ooh, mindset comeback asked, CBT and ACT, which is better? Wonderful question. I personally believe that a combination of both of them is some of the most powerful tools that you can use on your own mind to navigate your life in order to reach successes and happiness and fulfilling relationships that you deserve. And I think it takes a combination of both of those. In our classrooms, in our, on all the stuff that we do at the Art of Charm, you will see heavy doses of ACT and CBT. CBT was the first one that I was exposed to. ACT has been relatively new. And as you, if you go through our channel, you will find multiple interviews with Stephen Hayes and Russ Harris discussing ACT. I talk about core values all the time. This is another ACT concept, but all of those combined, both of those combined, I think are the magic tool. When you work in ACT, you tend to be biased towards, if you favor, right? If you are steeped in CBT, you're gonna favor that. I didn't go to school for either of those. I've studied both of them throughout the last 15 years of viewing the Art of Charm and I've interviewed everybody and we've used those concepts. I've used them with myself in our classrooms. So I enjoy and find purpose in both of them. So there you go. And in fact, if you go through our toolbox episodes and the interviews in our YouTube, you will find healthy, hearty and productive discussions on the merits of both and which aspects of both you should use in your own life. So I hope that helps mindset come back and thank you for the question all the way from Helsinki. All right guys, it is, I'm over time. Wow, I wasn't expecting much. Hit the like, hit subscribe, hit the notification bell, do all the things you know we love. I will try to be back next Tuesday, 8 30 Pacific AM and we'll do, we'll discuss. As I said, I'm always here and we're gonna be working on the channel in the next few weeks, months. So you'll be seeing a lot of activity here. Thank you guys very much for coming on by and I will see you all next week. You can find us, make sure you go to our other social media, Twitter, Instagram. I handle all that stuff and put up good stuff. Plenty of act and CBT on all of those. All right guys, give a wonderful day. Thank you mindset coach. You guys are awesome. Cheers.