 dedicated to the strength of the nation. proudly we hail. proudly we hail starring Raymond Walburn in The Name Is Well Done. United States Army and United States Air Force Presentation. Now here is your host, the well-known Hollywood showman, C.P. McGregor. Thank you, thank you very much and greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to your theater of stars. For the foremost talent of motion pictures, join us in plays we know you'll enjoy. Our star is that well-known character actor, the goers everywhere, Raymond Walburn. The title of our comedy, The Name Is Well Done. We'll have the curtain for act one in just a moment, but first, here is Wendell Niles with an important message. Medical school graduates, here is important news for you. The U.S. Air Force Medical Service is offering commissions to medical school graduates about to enter internship training at approved hospitals. If you're eligible, you'll be commissioned as a first lieutenant in the Air Force Medical Reserve Corps. You'll complete your internship at a civilian hospital of your own choice with full pay and allowances. Get full details on the intern program today. Right to the Surgeon General, United States Air Force, Washington, 25 D.C. And I'll once again our host, C.P. McGregor. The curtain rises on act one of The Name Is Well Done starring Raymond Walburn as Patrick Muldoon. For more years than most people could remember, Patrick Muldoon had been the officer in the bead in Colfax. That section of the industrial city filled with old brownstone rooming houses and good American people. Yes, the Colfax section had seen better days. It's once proud residential area having become a mixture of flats and warehouses. Muldoon had grown old with it. He knew everyone, and most everyone knew him. On the morning our story begins, we find him walking down the street. Well, Maggie, and how does Swedish young wife remember luck this fine lovely morning? Just fine, Muldoon. Oh, now it wasn't much. And when is our baby coming, child? After this old Muldoon. And won't your father? Dad laid him a doon. Oh, I've been very lucky, I guess. I haven't been calling the carpet for some time. And now don't you be walking up those stairs, ma'am, you have to. All right, Muldoon. Bye. Goodbye, my dear. Goodbye. Tommy, hello. Oh, you're the catcher, eh, Tommy? Yes, ma'am. We asked for it. Well, uh, don't you know it's against the law to be playing ball in the street? Oh, but just because you think a lot about it. Oh, yes, yes, I know. I know. I know. Well, well, well, let's, let's get going then. Then you will, huh? Well, only for a minute or two. Tell me, what's the score, eh? Oh, they're leading 36-0. 36-0? Well, are you discouraged? Discouraged? Oh, no. Our son ain't even been up the bat yet. Hey, come on! No, no, no, no, wait, wait. Wait, my young friend. Have you ever tried to stop a handful of marbles dropping on the seaman floor? No, it's a flat foot. Don't get flippant with me. I was not getting flippant with you. And you better not call me flat foot. I'd run the inn. Oh, you will. Yes, sir, I will. Well, I guess you don't know who I am. I am Davidson Skylett, eh? Oh, yes, Mr. Skylett. I know of your late aunt, yes. And she did many things for the city. The Skylers have always been interested in civic affairs. And right now, I'm interested in the police department and the preservation of peace and order. Oh, but Mr. Schuyler, the kids in the neighborhood have no place to go. Since you're fencing your lot, the laddies have no place to meet. They have their club here, you know? Why, I'm sure the gentleman you're standing would know how it is. I don't know how it is. And please don't butter up to me now that you know who I am. Mr. Schuyler, for your information, in 39 years and the fourth, never have I buttered up to no one. And the name of Schuyler means no more to me than Brown or Schmidt or Jordan. It would probably less. Is that so? Well, you better run those little vandals in. I have to have the evidence. Well, there's your evidence. There's my broken window. But where does the baseball? Baseball? This is preposterous. We're going to have this out before the commissioner here and now. As I was saying, commissioner, this old man here, Muldoon, there he stood, umpiring the game. And then after they break my window, he has the nerve to ask me for the ball for evidence. Well, it's all within the law, Commissioner Moriarty. All right, all right. Quiet, Muldoon. Go ahead, Mr. Schuyler. So as I say, when you reach a certain age, you get crotchety. You get sentimental. You lose balance. This man should be retired. What would he do over in Colfax if he ever ran across a real crook? I've handled all the company way in the time. I assure you, Mr. Schuyler. But that's what I'm saying. Your time's up. You've been around too long already. Well, now and now, you let me handle this, Mr. Schuyler. We can arrange things for everyone's satisfaction, I'm sure. Very well, commissioner. I'm very glad that you brought this to my attention. Oh, not at all, commissioner. Always glad to help iron out these little things as they come up. All right. No hard feelings, Muldoon. Oh, carriage to talk, I mean. Well, good day, gentlemen. Well, Muldoon? Well, to be sure of me, the man has no heart. And for such a young fellow, such a fat young fellow, I should say. You shouldn't have got smart with him, Muldoon. The Schuyler name means too much. The aunt gave the city pass, and my name is? But what has he given the city? Eddie? Yes, I know, I know. But he's young and coming into all the money and all the Schuyler interest. What is he doing in Corfax, then? And a warehouse for his office. Well, they have interest all over the city. Don't ask me. Muldoon, how old are you? Now, don't you be asking an embarrassing question, commissioner, because I'll turn right around and ask you how old you are. Well, the retirement age is 65, Muldoon. Well, thank you, Evan. The retirement isn't compulsory. You'll be tanking your lucky stars yourself before long. I suppose you're right, Muldoon. Well, now, behave yourself, will you? All right, commissioner. It isn't like you to give me trouble, Muldoon. Besides, Schuyler means business. But tell me, how is the daughter? You're daughter, commissioner. Oh, your daughter. Maggie is fine, she's fine. I saw her on the spot. Oh, I'm glad to hear it. I don't get down there often enough. Worry about her and that little flat. But the husband has just got the stat, and of course, you know they have their pride. Oh, I want to tell you there's nothing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with their home. And when the little one comes back. But do you still think it'll be a boy, Muldoon? The white part of the little one will be a girl. It is a boy, commissioner. So help me, and I know. In all the years I'm walking the beat, I have never been wrong. And, Muldoon, if you're wrong this time, I'll have to retire you from Mr. Farming, especially grandfather. Oh, not a chance. Not a chance, commissioner. Well, I'll be going now. I'd better have a heart-to-heart talk with me. Bye. Talk to us. Oh, thank you, Tommy. Thank you. Now that is. I don't mean to interrupt a club meeting, but I was just down with the commissioner, and you'll have to quit playing baseball in the streets. What? I know it isn't pleasant, but the commissioner was on his ear. I almost lost the job in the fray. Well, I think we can go back to the bank a lot. Oh, not a chance. Bachelor won't settle on. Quiet, please. Well, anyway, Mr. Muldoon, we're grateful to you. You've always stuck up for us, kids, and to express our appreciation, we're going to make you an honorary schmoo. Well, no, no, no, no. That's mighty sweet of you, Tommy. Just raise your right hand and repeat the following. I do solemnly swear. I do solemnly swear. To be a noble schmoo. To be a noble schmoo. And at all times, we're going to be a noble schmoo. To be a noble schmoo. And at all times, to work relentlessly. And at all times, to work relentlessly. To eradicate the foe of the schmoo, the schmoo. To eradicate the foe of the schmoo, the schmoo. Uh, due to 10 cents a year, payable in advance. Oh, all right. Here you are, here you are. Uh, Treasurer, make another one. Okay. And now, fellow schmoo, Mr. Muldoon, your first assignment is to go to that schmoo, that's old Skyler, and retrieve our baseball. No, no, no, just a minute, Tommy. Just a minute. That I'll do, but we must not bear malice in our hearts, Tommy. We get no place that way. Kindliness, Tommy. Kindliness and gentleness. That will win. Oh, excuse me, Miss. Is Mr. Skyler in here? Oh, I guess he is. But what did you want? Well, I merely wanted to... I miss your trembling. Do I frighten you? What is this? What are you doing here, Muldoon? Oh, Mr. Skyler, I wanted to inform you that the boys will play no more baseball on the streets. And I'll see to it myself. Well, you've changed your tune somewhat, Muldoon. The commissioner must have chewed your ears out for a lay. That he did. That he did. I'm the first to admit it to you. But now, Mr. Skyler, since I've given him your word, the boys won't play in the streets. Could they have the ball back? The answer is no. But Mr. Skyler, I've given you my word. That doesn't mean anything to me. Give them an inch and they take a mile. But you don't understand. They buy the ball out of their club dues. It isn't easy for them. That's the answer is no. Now get out of here, Muldoon. Oh, if I were only not an officer of the law. Well, now don't you hit me. I ought to let you feel the skin of me knuckles. Don't show my office to me. You're dangerous. I'm going to file charges against you Don, you're a fathead. Oh, but commissioners. You're a fathead of an Irishman. Why did you swing on him? Well, I didn't swing on him. But I turned in my badge for just one punch. Well, Muldoon, I'm afraid you've lost the chance in your badge to board. To my reality? I'm sorry, Muldoon. You're true. You've got 30 days under the law. Or if you'd rather go sooner. You're too fat to step out of the door of the warehouse. No smoke can do a schmoo if that's what's done to Mr. Muldoon. All right, let's check the ammunition. Eggs? Eggs. The old century fight. How about tomatoes? Tomatoes. Right? Definitely. How about eggplant? One eggplant. Only one? The only juicy one we could find. Uh-oh. Here comes Mr. Muldoon. Well, now what's going on? What's all this fruit doing here? Double schmoo, Mr. Muldoon. We're about to retaliate against that old Skyler. They're delightful thoughts on me. Delight over it. No, no, no, no. You mustn't do it, boy. Mr. Muldoon. Well, say, we'll let you direct the attack. You will? You will? Well, I'm tempted. Yes, I am. Here he comes now. Here he comes. Out of the door. Here, give me that egg plant. Here you are. Oh, heaven will be there. Oh, Mr. Skyler. No, dear one, Muldoon. I want to play catch with you, Mr. Skyler. You want a what? Play catch. Here, here. Catch this. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It has been seen from our story, the moon of Muldoon, starring Raymond Wahlburn to bring you an important message from our government. Young men and women, here is your opportunity for a career in the world's greatest aviation organization, the United States Air Force. The Air Force offered you training and advancement in any one of 42 broad career fields. Careers are open to high school graduates in clerical administration, personnel work, and practically every other field found in any large business or aviation organization. After careful consideration of your preferences and your capabilities, the Air Force assigned you to a career field. You start right in on-on-the-job training. Later, you may go to an Air Force technical school for training in your chosen career. You're on your way up, assignment to an interesting job, advanced training at specialist schools, increase in pay and advancement to jobs with greater responsibility, and lifetime security through a sound retirement plan. Remember, you find your choice of many careers in the Air Force. Get the tale today at your nearest Air Force base, or U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force recruiting station. The curtain rises on Act 2 of the Name is Muldoon, starring Raymond Wahlburn as Patrick Muldoon. Yes, the name was Muldoon, but after having led the neighborhood youngsters in the barrage of assorted fruits and vegetables, Objective David Schuyler, Muldoon's name, unfortunately, was Muldoon. As our scene opens, we find him in the office of the Commissioner of Police, Moriarity. A very wild-eyed David Schuyler is present, and he, as usual, has the floor. What kind of a city is this getting to be, Commissioner? When a citizen steps out on the curbing, only to be pelleted by an eggplant. I am very sorry, Mr. Schuyler. I'm in the hands of a police officer, no less. Oh, you have my sympathy, Mr. Schuyler. Well, he tricked me. He told me to catch it. Yeah, we've gone over all this before, Mr. Schuyler. Well, I'm filing charges, Moriarity. I'm filing charges against Muldoon, and if he isn't off the course... Now, now, now, don't you worry, Mr. Schuyler. He will be. Oh, you... Oh, no hard feelings, Mr. Schuyler. You say, Moriarity, the man's insane. Here I stand gripping with fruit and egg, and he says no hard feelings. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I, uh... I think I'll open the window if you don't mind. Yeah, an open window doesn't help me. Well, where's that shower you were telling me about? Oh! Oh, well, the sergeant will show you, Mr. Schuyler. All right, but I want action on Muldoon. Action! You know good Irishmen. Well, I was tempted, and that's all there is to it. I know, I know, but the children, you've got them into trouble, too. Oh, they won't hold it against me. Once you schmoo, always you schmoo. What did you say? Messed up a little bit? Wasn't that Schuyler a picture? Oh, walkin' is a walkin' scrambling. Ah, no, I don't think that's a bit funny, as if I didn't have enough on me mind. My daughter about to give me me me me fifth grandchild, and the wife insistence to be another girl. I'll assure you, just let bygones be bygones. Ah, no, I'm sorry, Muldoon. You can hand over your badge this very minute. No, you don't, Commissioner. I said hand it over. That I will not. You're incompetent to be wearing it, that's what you ask. Incompetent am I? Well, after 39 years, I like that. Hand it over, right there. I will not hand it over. I know me rights. There have been no criminal charges filed, no graft to collusion. I have 30 days under the law, Commissioner, and I am taking them. I stand on my constitutional rights. Ah, it's a sad state of affairs, Tommy. It sure is, Mr. Muldoon. Friend, did you pass... Did you pass spank you that day? Spank me? No. Well, when I told him what happened, he said he wished he'd been there with a cantaloupe. Oh, good for him. We ought to make him a schmoo. No. He's got quite a ways to go yet. Ah, but I can't get over it. It was always so nice and peaceful. Here in the neighborhood, Mr. Schuyler moved his office in that warehouse. You know, Tommy, I wondered about that. What? Mr. Schuyler has a whole building downtown, and he comes out here in the sticks. Don't call him Mr. Schuyler. He's a schmoo. And don't forget him. Oh, I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm sorry, but I wonder about that. What's he doing over here in the neighborhood? Away from everything. That's strange, you know. And that Ant of his just passing along and leaving him all this money. Maybe we ought to tail him. Why don't you keep an eye peeled, Tommy, on things over there at the warehouse? We might just come up with something, eh? Well, Tommy, did you find anything? I did. Well, what happened? He knocked the office in the warehouse all day yesterday. Yes, yes. Well, there was a painter there in the office all day with Fatso and her secretary. Things were plenty quiet until the painter went out to get a drink of water. He was warned, Tommy. Well, then Fatso incriminated himself. Well, what's he doing? Storing counterband goods or something? No, it was worse than that. Is he running a bookie joint? No, worse than that. What is he doing? He keeps kissing his secretary. Well, no, Tommy. I don't blame him for that now. He's a pretty little lady. Although, how she can stand for that homely force. Yeah, but only a schmo will kiss a girl. Oh, that's true, that's true, Tommy. But still, he's an English mo. No strings, he's unattached. Did they say anything? Yeah, they kept talking about Westchester. Oh, that's a little town just over in the next state. And she kept saying, we shouldn't have done it, darling. We shouldn't have done it, darling. You know, that's very interesting, Tommy. Yes, it is. I think the aunt was up in Westchester just prior to that. Tommy, if my hunch is right, we're going to get your ball field back. Now you wait right here. I've got to make a phone call. Hold it, Tommy. I've got to make a phone call. Mr. Maldon, how'd you make out? Tommy, my boy, you're going to get your ball parked back not later, not later than tomorrow. I'm sick. Yes, Maggie, what is it? Oh, well, yes, yes, my dear. I'll be right up. Tommy, run home and have your mother call Commissioner Morialatin tell him to come to his daughter's house at once. I'm coming, Maggie. I'm coming. Well, I am too, my dear. But why haven't you called your husband? He's in the plant somewhere. They can't reach him. If I do it, we didn't expect the baby so soon. Well, now, don't you be nervous, my dear. Don't you be... I'm an old-handed, this I am. Now, now, now, let's see. Let's see. I've got to get some hot water. Yes, that's it. Hot water. Keep cool, my dear. Keep cool. Come and collect it, like me, you know. Come here. Now, now, don't you worry. I know exactly what to do, my dear. Exactly. Yes. Is that you, Nora? Yes. Well, call all the women in the block and come running up to Maggie's apartment. Your daughter is fine, Commissioner. But how can you leave until it's all over? It's all over, Commissioner. Oh, glory be to you. And you, Madune, you... You did the duty. I... I supervise the delivery if that's what you're asking. Oh, sure I do. Now, how did... Thank you. Tell me. Tell me, was it... Was it a girl, Madune? A girl? I... Is a Muldoon ever wrong, Moriality? Ha, ha, ha! Then it's a boy! Just... Not just one boy, but two boys. You mean twins? Yes, Commissioner. Now then, is that incompetent? Oh, Mildon, Mildon, how can I ever repay you? You don't have to repay me nothing, Commissioner. Ah, but maybe I can get you back on the force. I am back on the force, Commissioner. Ha, ha, ha! Schuyler is withdrawn. His child is in repudiating the allegations. Repudiating the allegations? Oh, sure that's impossible. Commissioner, the dear lad loves me now. Didn't you know? Oh, you're back. Oh, hi, Muldon. What are you doing back here? I came to get a tiny bit of information, Schuyler. Mr. Schuyler, if you please. All right. Tell me, Mr. Schuyler. Who is this young lady here? Oh, David, what are we going to do? Well? Well, she's my secretary. Well, she's also your wife, isn't she, Mr. Schuyler? David, he's found out. No, no, don't get upset, dear. I mean, Gloria. How do you know she's my wife? Well, I happen to call Justice the Peace up in Wentsch. He's an old fool. I used to be the tribute. He, Mr. Schuyler, has let the cat out of the bag. Well, so what? So what if she is my wife? And what are you keeping it such a secret for, Mr. Schuyler? Oh, David, it's all over. We've been found out. Does not all this secrecy, Mr. Schuyler, have something to do with the mysterious circumstances whereby your aunt... Well, there's nothing mysterious about it. Oh, no. Oh, I might as well tell you everything. All right. Just remember, though, that anything you say will be used against you. It doesn't matter now. You seem my aunt Berther and her will. She didn't want me to marry for a year. She thought that I needed a year to find myself. What an optimist! Oh, we're ruined. So you jumped a gun, did you? And that invalidates the will, and you thought that by coming down here, you could conceal it. David, we're ruined. There, there, my dear. Now, I don't like to see a pretty little girl crying. What is your name, my dear, before you marry this business? Well, the words really fail me. My name was Gloria. Gloria O'Toole. O'Toole! Oh, Glory be... Schuyler? You're a better man than I thought you were. Well, I'll tell you. I am a forgiven man. Oh, Mr. Muldoon. And I just might keep your secret to myself, Schuyler, if you were to do three or four little things. Oh, I'll do anything. Now, first, first, dismiss the charges against me and repudiate your allegation. Why, I'll be happy to do that. And second, second, give the boys back the ballpark until you've made definite plans to build. Well, I'll have that fence torn down right today. And third, I want you to put your influence behind the mover to provide playgrounds for the children to get them out of the streets of the city. Mr. Muldoon, I'll personally start the movement. And now, one final provision, Mr. Schuyler. Now, bend over. I want to have the pleasure of giving you one swift kick in the seat of the pants. Oh, hello there, Tommy. How are you? Oh, oh, well, well, hello, Tommy. Hello, ladies. How are you? Say, say, what, what have you got on there, eh? Our baseball uniforms. Aren't they neat? And look at the lettering. Oh, my goodness, my goodness. Here's the stratospheric skyrocket, eh? What's the name for the baseball team, eh? Well, let me tell you, Mr. Schuyler put up a backstop put it in rubber-home play, bought his bases, and meal bases, too, and a catcher's mess. Oh, you've got to come and see it. Oh, well, all right, Tommy. I will, yes. Say, Mr. Muldoon. Yes, Tommy. What a great schmoo you've turned out to be. Well, thank you, Tommy. Thank you very much, yes. The curtain falls, and the final act of the name is Muldoon. Our star, Raymond Walburn, will return for a curtain call after this timely message from Wendell Niles. High school graduates, before choosing any career, check up on the excellent opportunities which the United States Air Force offers you. Now you can actually chart your future step by step. You know exactly where you stand and what to expect of the future. It works like this. After you enlist in the U.S. Air Force, you're given special placement tests which determine your aptitudes and abilities. Next, you're interviewed by highly skilled career counselors who help you select the job for which you are best suited and have the best chance for success. Then you start a definite career plan, combining on-the-job training with technical schools and maximum use of the skills you've learned. At all times, your future is clear and assured. Learn how you may enjoy these advantages as an airman in the U.S. Air Force. Inquire at your nearest Air Force base or U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force Recruiting Station. And all once again, your host, C.P. McGregor and our star. Making his first appearance in our theater is one of Hollywood's most beloved character actors, Raymond Walburn. Welcome, Ray. Thank you. Thank you very much, C.P. You know, I can't tell you how glad I am to have worked with you and your fine cast. Well, we're mighty glad that you could join us. Well, Ray, I guess every man, woman and child in this country who goes to the movies is on the screen at one time or another. Well, I don't mind admitting it. I have been in show business going on too well. Let me see. It's about 43 years and in motion pictures for 16, to be exact. In that time, C.P., I've made, well, nearly 80 films. 80 motion pictures. Think of that. You know, I wish we could name all of them, which we can't, but let's give the title to a few of our most recent pictures. Well, now, let me see. Let me see now. There's Red Hot and Blue with Betty Hutton as paramount. And there's Key to the City with Clark Gable there. Fine pictures, both of them. Now, how about the Bing Crosby films? Oh, that's my latest release. It's called Riding High for paramount, of course. Of course. I think Riding High is one of the best pictures Bing Crosby has made. You're right, C.P., it really is. Yes, sir. And, well, here we are talking about me. How about your plans for next week, for instance? Next week, Ray and ladies and gentlemen, Pat O'Brien will be our star in a very hilarious comedy called A Man of Influence. Certainly sounds fine to me. I'll be listening. Well, goodbye, C.P. Goodbye, Ray. Be sure to join us next week, ladies and gentlemen, when Pat O'Brien stars with us in A Man of Influence. Until next week, then, this is C.P. McGregor saying thanks for listening and cheerio from Hollywood. Raymond Wahlburn appears with the courtesy of the Hollywood Coordinating Committee that arranges for the appearance of all stars in this program. Scripted by Rich Hall with the music of Eddie Dunstead. Transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.