 My name is Dr. Jeremiah Sumerian. I'm a member of the SCP Foundation's Ethics Committee. Now, some of you look a little bit confused, which shows that you're not stupid. You might even be asking yourself, what does the Ethics Committee have to do with the food service staff? Well, first, I'd like to ask you how much you enjoyed the stale donuts, cold coffee, and warm soda. Yeah, probably didn't enjoy it much yesterday, either. But every meal you've had this week has been terrible by design. Some of you were recruited directly from the military. Some of you were trained civilian chefs. Others have worked in fast food for years. Treat the stale donuts as an object lesson. A good meal can make a world of difference in both mood and morale. The people you're going to be feeding are going to be working with some of the most dangerous objects in the world. So if Dr. McDockerson is working with a potentially world-ending artifact every day, he's bound to get a bit listless. The wrong mood at the wrong time, and maybe the good doctor makes a mistake that no one ever gets to recover from. But what if instead he wakes up thinking about the pizza you're going to be serving at lunch instead? The effect a good meal has on efficiency and safety cannot be overstated. But that's only half of your purpose, and it's not why I'm delivering the orientation. The SCP Foundation is a sort of research organization. I'm sure most of you already know that. But the world is much stranger than we let on in the recruitment drive. Some of you are even on track to receive security clearances of your own, and you've likely already learned, at least around the edges, what kind of strange and wonderful items we keep in containment. But what you haven't been told about yet are the living anomalies. We keep that to ourselves because, well, sadly, we're also a prison, isn't a good selling point for hiring the best of the best, even with a six-figure salary. But to protect the world, we put people under lock and key 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And this causes problems that you will be responsible for finding the solutions to. I'm going to talk to you a little bit about one of our failures, Jacob McKenzie. He was originally an accountant, and he was born with an anomaly that caused local seismic disturbances if he ever experienced pain. They were fairly minor, but the disturbance is worse than depending on the severity of the pain. And his anomalous nature was discovered, and he was contained by the Foundation in his mid-20s. Now he had a number of dietary restrictions. He wasn't allowed ice cream or cold drinks for fear of a brain freeze. He wasn't allowed sharp or hard foods on the off chance that he might cut the inside of his mouth. He wasn't allowed spicy food, and the warmest he was allowed to be served was lukewarm. His favorite type of food was Mexican. At the time, the people in charge of his containment were also keeping him under the effects of a narcotic pain medication, almost around the clock. Now his nutritional requirements reflected this reality, of course, and he required higher than average hydration due to the medications he was using, just as an example. But those in charge of his care didn't really need to enforce the rest of the dietary restrictions, because at the time, the Foundation fed the same meal to every Ascension object. It was a poorly flavored mush. It was cheap, but it could keep a human alive indefinitely. Now Jacob experienced a period of serious depression, and he took his own life in 2004. The entirety of Site 134 was lost in the seismic event that occurred during that incident. Now what a meal from Taco Bell, and yes, you in the back, I know that's not really Mexican food. It's fine. But what a meal from Taco Bell have solved Jacob's depression? No, of course not. But if we'd been paying attention, we might have noticed he wasn't eating as much. Maybe some takeout from Taco Bell would have, you know, combined with a host of other precautions helped just a little bit. Now you're still going to run into old school Foundation staff who treat the objects under our care as prisoners. But you need to understand they both are and aren't that, because we're not jailers. We're caretakers. Most of those people have done nothing to deserve punishment or imprisonment. They're in containment for there in the world's safety, but we should treat them with a gentle dignity and respect. And this is when the food service staff were put under the ethics committee's purview in 2005. And it's why you've attended a number of orientations this week with the newly hired entertainment staff as well. Each of you will be in charge of a site or projects food needs, and some of you will have a staff of dozens, others will work alone. But no matter what you do, you will need to study the objects under your care, their wants, their needs, their moods. This is all your concern. And you will not be alone. You are one of many fail safes that we have put in place to save the life of the next Jacob Mackenzie. Now, if you need more information about a person's history or preferences that the dossiers tell you, then you should contact the intel department. They will help you. If you run into particularly stubborn researchers who you think are negatively affecting the psychological health of those under your care, you will contact the ethics committee liaison for the site of the project you are assigned to, and they will take care of them for you. There will be more meetings this week. Many of you will be receiving specialized one-on-one briefings for the object or objects that will be under your care. I'll leave you all with the food service staff's motto, be polite, be professional, but have a plan to feed everybody you meet. Now, you may have smelled the pizza in the next room. We've got bread-free and vegan options, and hot coffee, and cold sodas. Have a nice day, everyone. Anyway, just thought I'd drop in here at the end and make sure to announce my Patreon backers. If you'd really like to support the channel, head on over to patreon.com. It's nice to know that I'm not alone out here, and I will see you all again on Tuesday.