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And his first political move was to oust our friend from his position as water commissioner. What was Guilders League down-hearted? Well, yes, for a time, but then came along with some phone call from his old chum, Weber McGee. Weber, it seems, had a proposition. And I'll be hearing from you then, huh? Much obliged, McGee. So long! Oh, gee, darling, you're not joking. Of course I'm not joking. A million dollars is nothing to joke about. A million dollars! A million dollars? That's more than I'm making a year. Deepest to yourself, Bertie, and all of you. Mom's the word on this, so we're ready to announce it. Yes, sir. We're not going to knock it off, Leroy. We're going into business, McGee and I. Well, what kind of business, Uncle Mort? Manufacturing. An invention of McGee. Mr. McGee, an inventor. Oh, yes, McGee's a great tinkerer. And a smart little apple, too. He always was, and I always said so. What's the invented? Well, he couldn't tell me over the telephone. The patent is pending. But he's written me a letter all about it. He says it can't miss. Just think of a million dollars. Why, with a million? Leroy, I will not. I've told you time and again, bicycles caught money. Well, why not? After all, why not? Sure! I had a bicycle when I was your age. Oh, gee! Leroy, you don't have to... I want you to understand, my boy, if I buy you this bicycle... I'll take super care of it. ...then I'll leave it around where it'll get stolen. I promise. You'll have to study your music every day as soon as you get home from school. Oh, I wouldn't... You've been very quiet, my dear. What do you think of your old uncle after all these years, suddenly striking at rich? I was just thinking. Thinking about what? You think pink is too young for me. Pink? Pink what? For a dress. I was designing one in my mind, and I thought of pink net. But then I decided maybe it'd be too young. What do you think, Birdie? Oh, I like pink. Pink might be pretty. Funny, last year I put a sand pink. All of a sudden I like it again. Miss, I think I do. I read somewhere the pink is coming back. Where's it been? Oh, but that's two years old. I don't care, I like it. You look pretty in that. I didn't think you ever even know this. Nobody's better looking than you when you wear that suit. Sweet, huh? All right, George. That's the way I like to hear you talk. Well, I guess you'll always be like that, too, instead of picking fights with one another. Who picks fights? I never pick a fight. Poor Marge makes some crack nuts. Put down the hope and brothers, my dear, and see what they've got. School will be starting next week. You probably need some clothes. Oh, but, sir, what I had in mind wasn't exactly a school dress. It was more of a formal one. Oh, well, pick up a few. School dresses, too, are you there? Oh, well, I'll be there. Never got such attention when I was poor. All they love me for is my money. Birdie, you haven't made any requests yet. Isn't there anything you need? Well, yes, it is one thing. I don't like to mention it, Birdie. Name it, Birdie, and it's yours. Hang the expense. Well, if you could fix the cord on that electric iron, you'd go fix the last two more. Oh, yes, sir. If you could fix it so it don't spark at me every time I go touch it. Yes, I'll do better than that, Birdie. I'll get you a new iron. Well, it don't need a new iron, Mr. Guilfrey. It's just a cord. Now, if you could fix that so I can... Forget the iron, Birdie. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll get you a washing machine. A dog-gondest washing machine you ever saw. With shock absorbers and a built-in radio. Well, that's fine, Mr. Guilfrey. Why not go iron with it? It's all right. There are going to be a lot of changes around here, folks. You know, Mindy, you were saying the other day we ought to fix this place up a little. Well, I may do that. Yes, me do it. Might even sell this out and buy a newer one. A bigger one. Oh, well, thank you, darling. Yeah? Well, while we're on the subject, I seem to have spent all my allowance. Yeah? Well, what would you suggest? It looks as if I have a major allowance though. Hey, no fair. You're too, my boy. Oh, that's different. All right, George. Everybody's after my money. And I haven't even made it yet. But I will. You want. Hey, Mr. McGee. He will get his fair share and not a cent more. Who's going to be bought? Well, I'll be President naturally. Well, you don't think a little squirt like McGee can. You just like him to try, though. He just like McGee to... Well, by George, we'll settle that way at the start. McGee isn't going to pull anything like that on me. I'll see my lawyer. I'll go see him the first thing in the morning. How small talk, Judge. I'm in a hurry. I tried to line up a job for you this morning. I'm not interested. I spoke to Frank Babcock. I don't need you speaking to Frank Babcock or anybody else. I'm known in this town. Sit down, lunches. I haven't got time to sit down. Do you know how to draw up a partnership contract? Sure I do. Any job lawyer I can do that. Then I came to the right place. Well, I get the phone. Who are you going to partner with, you little... Oh, a friend of mine from Whistle Vista, said we're McGee. Oh, yeah. I want you to draw up a partnership contract for me and McGee. Then I've got to find an office right away. All right. What line of business is it going to be? I don't know yet, sir. Not exactly. I'm expecting a letter this afternoon. It'll give all of the tales. All right. I'll leave that blank. How much money are you going to put into it? None of your business. I'm only asking as your lawyer. It's customary for each partner to put in so much money. I don't even know how much McGee's putting in yet. Leave that blank. All right. Name the firm, McGee and Gilda's Leave, or Gilda's Leave and McGee? I like the second one better. But it's not perfect. Leave that blank. Judge. Yeah. McGee's a pretty nice little fellow, you understand? Yeah. Clever and better and all that. And I've known him a good long time, one of my best friends. Yeah. Just the same. I wouldn't want him to have too much to say about the business. Can you fix that? No, no, Gildy. A partnership is an equal proposition. I know, Horace. I know. But can't you slip in some little claws that have come through showdown? I'm the boss. No, Gildy. It can't be done. Some lawyer. All you know how to do is fill out forms. What do you expect? You don't even know what business you're in. Listen, Judge. McGee has an invention. Now, what kind of an invention does a smart inventor make today? Fair enough, I know. Bang, bang, bang, Judge. Oh. You think you might get some government contracts, Gildy? Do I? That's why I need an office. You want a suite of office? Possibly. Might be the whole building. I don't know of any whole buildings that are available right now. Might have to build, then. On this kind of thing, there wouldn't be any trouble with priorities, you understand? Surely. There's a string of little stores down there. Wait a minute, Horace. Give me an idea. Why not the Gildishly Block? I'll occupy one building and we'll rent out the rest. Make a lot of money that way. I got it. I'll keep an option on that property this morning. Do that, Judge. Uh, say, I just thought of a name for the firm. Brockmoreton P. Gildishly Manistocan. Great! All right, Horace. I'll be in touch with you. In the meantime, keep this under your hat. Don't you worry, Gildy. Bang, bang, bang. Or possibly boom, boom, boom. Yes. So long, yes. Uh-oh. That may be the Postman birdie. Oh, don't ring this, Gildy. But I'll go see. Maybe it's a registered letter. After all, it's important. I've heard I'm rich. Come in, Miss Branson. We'll buy this Gildishly Manistocan. Oh, thank you. Talk, Maud. Uh-huh. I'm not a millionaire yet. Come on, I can't. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, you must have heard. One of the children must have told you. Tell me, Horace. I don't let this get around, Lever. But I expect it to be a big manufacturer pretty soon. My little son, Kuber McGee, has made an important invention. My hell, it's rotten. What is it? Well, I can't tell you. It's kind of a military secret. But it's going to be very big. Oh, you'll be an important man now, won't you? I guess so. Yes, I presume so. I suppose you'll forget all about the little girl that lives next door. I don't know. Even a tycoon, Leela, has a time for work and a time for place. Let's play, Leela. You left your ears picking up. Those little things here. Oh, no, Dave. You'll be crap for a minute. Now play, Horace. Play? Mm-hmm. Let's understand. You know how it is with us tycoons. When we're working, we work hard. When we play, it's all playing. What? Oh, no. Leela, you don't understand. All I'm asked for, Leela, is a good time. I'm no good. What time? Yeah, I'm a cab. A playboy. Well, nobody loves to play anymore than I did when I left it at the back door. Oh, thank you, Bernie. Yes. Glad to hear you say you'd go partners with me on my invention. I believe you'll make a barrel of money out of it, and I'm glad you're in on the ground floor. Do not use any scarce materials. It can be made of plastic. Also, there's a good chance the government will be interested. The Army and Navy need mousetaps that's as much as Middle Ages looking for a job. Why don't you come down, Leela? It doesn't make any difference to me, but I'm a drug-mart. Really? I'm caught not sitting. You're the same man you were five minutes ago on. Sure, I guess so. And I'm the same girl. The kind of a girl who believes in sticking by a man when he's in trouble. Leela, maybe I was wrong. I was wrong. I was never cut out to be a playboy. Oh, drug-mart. Yes, a man should be serious about women. Women are a serious business. I sure do. Now, let's get down to business. These days, we're all left to err our ups and downs trying to balance the family food budget. Thought-wise, to choose foods high in nutritional value, yet low in cash and ration-point cost. Surely one such food is economical parquet margarine, the delicious nourishing spread for bread that's made by craft. High in food energy value, fortified by craft, so that every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A, parquet margarine is a downright economical aid to good family nutrition. Think of it, parquet provides these important food elements that requires only two ration points a pound. And parquet's fresh, delicate flavor is another fine aid to good nutrition. So to keep appetite up to keep your food budget down, buy economical parquet, B-A-R-K-A-Y. Remember, delicious nourishing parquet margarine is made by craft. Knocked out from under him by McGee's letter, and his castle of dreams tumbled about his ears, his faces at last, life's stern reality. In desperation, he's followed his pride and decides to follow up a lead on a job that Judge Schmucker gave him. So we find him now, whenever he's frank about God's hardware store. What can I do for you? Excuse me, can you tell me where... Stop some minute, I was here ahead of you. I know, I was just asking. Then don't try to stop in ahead. Well, I wasn't trying to buy anything, lady. I was merely asking the man where I can find a friar, Mr. Babcock. Frank? Oh, he's around somewhere. Oh, far the people have no manners. I guess he's down in the cellar. Come this way, right here. Listen, you won't wait... He'll be up. He'll be up. Thanks. I'll wait. And how much of a place he's got here have to be a lot of changes. Like a junk shop. My name is Gilles Lee. How much are these disc claws, please? Those, ladies, those are 25 cents. 25 cents for a disc claw? Come on, lady, that's the price. What can I do for you, Bardette? My name is Gilles Lee. I was told. I was told. Yeah? What's the price on me here in Maine? They're not marked. Oh, make it 10 cents. Now, is something here warranted? Well, I... God, I came over here because Judge Booker told me that you were confusing me. Ah, the honor, fella. Well, as I told the judge, I did have an opening. Can't get hardware now with the war, so I'm trying to build up the feed and fertilize the rim. Fertilize the rim? Yes. I needed a salesman with a car to go open them. Salesman? Yes, but I hired a fella yesterday. Of course, maybe he won't work out. He might come back in a week. Yeah, and I might not. Good day, Mr. Baton. Oh! That's right. I'm not as better than the other ones. Other ones? Well, of course, that's it for sportswear, really. If I can find a coat to go with it, I think it'll be very smart, though. Uh, Marjorie. Of course, this is the one I love. Marjorie, there's something I have to tell you. You too, Bertie. Yes, sir. And Leroy, where's he? Well, he's around somewhere. Leroy! Wait for a minute. I want to talk to you. Oh! The fact is, I guess I was a little over-enthusiastic about Mr. McGee's event. You may work. Well, don't you care, Uncle Mort. We don't need a million dollars. Yeah, what's the difference, Roy? My boy, this means no bicycle. I'm afraid not. We're going to have to cut down all around. Now, me, I'm giving up cigars. Mr. Gill, please. Yes, Bertie? I suppose this means I'll never go get that iron cord, please. Bertie, I'll fix that iron cord this very evening, if not tomorrow morning. Now, my dear, that's a very pretty dress. I'll send it back, Uncle Mort. I'll send both of them back. Well, no. I don't need any dresses. I've got plenty of dresses. Oh, that McGee. I'll wrap that up for you, Miss Mike. But the bike. I don't need a bike. I can walk to school. Well, it's very manly of you, my boy. I'm not like some kids scared to walk to school. I like to walk, Uncle Mort. I can't stand this. I think I'll go for a little walk. Be right back, folks. What are you going on? Oh, just out of the corner for cigars. I thought... Very cheap cigars. Not enough for you? Let me have it in. Here's your last one. No, I'm thinking you're making a slight change. Let me try one of those floor to me. What's McCulloch's there? The green one. I hear they're very good. Oh, they're cheaper than. I'll try one. No, you're not a customer. I have a little disappointment at APV. Well, that's kind of you. Yes, I... Yes, I... I do have a different one. Yeah, the cigars. Another one. I suppose I'll have to get used to it. I have a fellow you consider to friend. You ever have him call you up and tell you you had a great invention that was going to make you a possible money? Then when the letter came it turned out to be nothing at all? No, I can't say that. I can't say anything I have. Well, that's what happened to me. Would it be out of place to ask who was the friend? It was no friend, P.B. It was P.B. McGee. Oh, Mr. McGee. Well, he seemed a very pleasant sort the only time he came in here. Those are the ones you can't trust, P.B. The pleasant ones, the smiling ones. Why, McGee told me this invention would make us both a million dollars. And what did it turn out to be? A mousetrap. A plastic mousetrap. The most useless thing in the world. No, I can't say that. Oh, you wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. You may not be aware of it, Mr. Geldersman, but this country has quite a mousetroblem today. Of course, they're keeping it quiet till after the election. But maybe it's more serious than people know. P.B., you're kidding. No, I'm not. I have a mousetroblem. I'm the only shop. Why don't you keep a cat? I used to keep a cat, but I had to let him go. He kept rubbing up against the electric guy there at the door and ringing a gong. The darn thing drove me crazy. I wish I had him back, though. I'd stuff coffee in my nude. Yeah, that's all right. Well, then why don't you get some traps? That's it, Mr. Geldersman. There are no traps. No traps? There's no metals. It might do it. Right, George. I never thought of that. And no rat poison means armies using all the chemicals. P.B., do you know what this means? It means your mind shall be all over the place. No, P.B., it means the biggest potential market for mousetrap never conceived in the history of mankind. You know the old saying, build a better mousetrap. That's what we'll call it, P.B., the better mousetrap company dropped Martin P. Geldersley president. Well, we'll build him by the billions. We'll have a factory in every key city in the United States. We'll have a backlog of a million orders. P.B., do you realize what this will do for humanity? Do you know there are mice, mice, minutes carrying diseases nobody ever heard of? We'll wipe out whole clings, P.B., and I. And what more? We'll make a million dollars. Give me another cigar, P.B., and take this one out and bury it. P.B., it's one of the better cigars, I think. They're the best you've got. Give me six. Oh, that's P.B., I always said he was a smart cookie. Leela! Hello, Ross Martin, Mr. P.B. Fine, George. Really, you came at the right time. Sit down, have a soda. Heck, have a banana split. Have one yourself, P.B. Uh-oh, no. Thank you. I do not, for me, need to talk more and find you a mouse, P.B., but I would have a lemonade. A lemonade for the lady, P.B., with two straws. Well, I don't know whatever's called for you. You better look out for me, Leela. I'm a cad again. Ladies and gentlemen, don't let all the loose talk you've heard here tonight fool you. The world or a plastic mousetrap and a deep freeze of electronic cookers may be just around the corner, but it's not here yet. We still have a war on our hands, and one of our greatest dangers is still inflation. It will continue to be a danger until our industries are back on full-time production of all the new things we'd like to buy, and that won't be until after Nimitz and MacArthur have taken focus on it. Now, you've got to look at it this way. If the cost of living is allowed to go up, the people who will be the hardest hit will be the wives and the families of the men in service, who are living on fixed allotments and not very largely. So let's not ask for higher wages or raise the prices of the things to sell till the war is won, and things are back to normal. Victory is coming, but it's not here yet. If we break ranks now, we can still lose this war at home just as surely as if our men deserted the front. They won't. Will we? Good night, ladies and gentlemen.